Oscar Roundups

March 6, 2006 10:47 AM

"Mixed" reviews of John Stewart's performance last night. A reminder that someone warned in February that Crash might win best picture because many Academy members were "unwilling to screen Brokeback Mountain" [permalinks broken, scroll down]. Marvel that YouTube somehow managed to get rights [cough] to Oscar video, at the Oscar frocks and that thing on Charlize Theron's shoulder, and at the persistent myth that a billion people watched the awards.
posted by mediareport (188 comments total)

[er, marvel at the Oscar frocks...or something, sorry]
posted by mediareport at 10:49 AM on March 6, 2006

Jon Stewart!
posted by mrnutty at 10:52 AM on March 6, 2006

Award shows are nothing more than an excuse for the elite of the entertainment industry to indulge in a massive mutual anilingus orgy while rubbing our noses in our ordinariness. And we line up to watch. Chuck D was right: Burn Hollywood Burn.
posted by jonmc at 10:53 AM on March 6, 2006

In the "persistent myth" link, there's a story about an actor being given award even though the envelope wasn't opened by the older actor presenting.... I'm dying to know who.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:54 AM on March 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Marrisa Whatshername for "My Cousin Vinny?"
posted by Keith Talent at 10:56 AM on March 6, 2006

I didn't watch the whole thing, but I did sit through the opening. None of Stewart's jokes bombed, but none were side-splittingly funny.
posted by justkevin at 10:58 AM on March 6, 2006

massive mutual anilingus orgy

Yeah, that about covers it, but what a hoot to get drunk to. The academy president's speech had us laughing our asses off; the pompous, manipulative ooze was dripping off his skin. For what it's worth, I thought Jon Stewart was great in front of a hilariously self-important crowd that never knows how to take jokes about itself. My fave moment, probably unscripted, was when he came out of that silly montage of Important Hollywood Issue Films with, "And none of those things was ever a problem again."

Brilliant.
posted by mediareport at 11:00 AM on March 6, 2006

Marisa Tomei.
posted by EarBucket at 11:01 AM on March 6, 2006

Stewart did a great job as host for the people who like Jon Stewart. The academy does not like to be made fun of at their own event, but fuck them if they don't get the joke. I could visibly see Stewart holding back with what he really wanted to say, but trying to bridge the gap between old and young is a tough job and Stewart should have another shot next year.

And to the reviews, Tom Shales can eat it, pointing out what I thought to be one of the worst jokes of the night as his best. Scientologists be damned, I never laughed so hard at an awards ceremony.
posted by Derek at 11:02 AM on March 6, 2006

His bit after the inspirational "hollywood tackles big issues" montage was pretty amazing. "And none of those issues were ever a problem again." And the political mudslinging ad for some sound editor was hilarious, too. I thought I was pretty good.

I have absolutley no idea why they kept ragging on dvds the whole time. It wasn't even piracy they were complaining about, it was the success of a product that they sell and make ridiculous amounts of money from.
posted by gilgamix at 11:02 AM on March 6, 2006

what was with all the dvd-hating?
posted by juv3nal at 11:02 AM on March 6, 2006

For those who like to sign petitions: Recall the Crash Oscar and Crash: Anything But This.

What they did with foreign film was shameful.
posted by muckster at 11:02 AM on March 6, 2006

woah...jinx.
posted by juv3nal at 11:03 AM on March 6, 2006

after the fact: mediareport got the quote right, and first. It was hilarious.
posted by gilgamix at 11:04 AM on March 6, 2006

I don't usually like Jon Stewart — I think he takes himself much too seriously — and I was looking forward to watching him bomb. But somehow he turned out to be really funny. The joke about how Hollywood pays women less and judges them by their looks was pretty edgy by awards-show standards. The "some people say" Hollywood bashing followed by "I don't really have a joke here, I just thought I'd let you know that's what people are saying" was perfectly deadpan. The audience didn't seem sure what to make of it, and that's a positive thing, considering who the audience was.
posted by transona5 at 11:05 AM on March 6, 2006

The DVD hating was such a bad note. As gilgamix said, this is an industry making millions off of them and yet the president stands up there and rails against it? I've never seen such a thing happen before. It was almost surreal.
posted by xmutex at 11:08 AM on March 6, 2006

transona5: Whaaat? Jon Stewart takes himself too seriously? Love him or hate him I don't know in the world you can level that complaint.
posted by xmutex at 11:10 AM on March 6, 2006

Mixed reviews? Weird, he was great!
posted by Artw at 11:10 AM on March 6, 2006

what was with all the dvd-hating?

Ticket sales are dropping at a rate that there may not be a market for big screens in twenty years. This means reduced revenues and a switch to a filming-for-DVD aesthetic, which the old school filmmakers don't want.

I thought Jon Stewart was the best presenter since Letterman.
posted by solid-one-love at 11:11 AM on March 6, 2006

The "Home viewing is killing cinema" overtones were indeed a bit odd. I think it mighthave something to do with Bubble getting released simultaneously?
posted by Artw at 11:11 AM on March 6, 2006

Well, his "stop hurting America" tirade was a little sanctimonious, but maybe it's really just some of his fans that take him too seriously.
posted by transona5 at 11:13 AM on March 6, 2006

For those who like to sign petitions: Recall the Crash Oscar and Crash: Anything But This.

Crash was a pretty good movie. But I fail to see how people complain about it winning since it was better than any of the other movies that were nominated this year. It was the best out of a very weak year of Best Picture nominations. That it wasn't objectively great and still one is a function of the competition.
posted by dios at 11:13 AM on March 6, 2006

The fact that it took this long for a FPP on the Oscars to appear should say something.

I thought that Jon Stewart was underwhelming. He seemed more intent tweaking his audience and biting Hollywood (and Democrats) than Republicans/conservatives, which I found surprising.

The Academy itself completely chickened out on Brokeback Mountain. You vote it the best material (adapted screenplay) and you give it the Director's Oscar and yet it wins no acting Oscars, so what did the Director do with that winning material if not produce the best picture?

(I haven't seen either it or Crash, but I'm just sayin'). That bastion of liberalism, Salt Lake City voted Brokeback Mountain (far and away) Best Picture in a SLC Tribune poll. It amazed me that the Academy did not, especially after giving Lee Best Director.
posted by spock at 11:15 AM on March 6, 2006

One thing is for certain: I enjoy the Oscars much more now that I have a DVR. Total running time: 3.5 hours. Total viewing time: 1.5 hours. And that's including the several times I watched Salma present on replay.
posted by Gamblor at 11:17 AM on March 6, 2006

I thought Jon Stewart was the best presenter since Letterman.

That's harsh!
posted by spock at 11:18 AM on March 6, 2006

I watched Salma present on replay.

watched Salma present what?
posted by jonmc at 11:18 AM on March 6, 2006

Crash was a pretty good movie.

I think it would have been better if everyone had the word "RACIST" printed on their foreheads, in case we missed the point.
posted by Artw at 11:18 AM on March 6, 2006

Crash sucked. All the subtlety and artistry of an after-school special. Can't we all just get along, mmmkay? And Paul Haggis comparing himself to Brecht? Get stuffed, Mr. Facts of life.

(Almost as pathetic is the media up here referring to him as "Canadian filmmaker Paul Haggis." Yeah, right. And so is James Cameron and Neil Young. Ugh.)

Stewart was as good as possible in that situation. Line of the night: "For those keeping score at home: Martin Scorcese 0 Oscars, 3-Six Mafia, 1 Oscar."
posted by docgonzo at 11:18 AM on March 6, 2006

watched Salma present what?

Does it really matter?
posted by docgonzo at 11:19 AM on March 6, 2006

docgonzo: I almost forgot about that line, that might have been my favorite.
posted by Derek at 11:20 AM on March 6, 2006

That Brokeback Mountain kid actually had a hard time keeping a straight face when his prescripted monologue contained an anti-DVD line.

I think it was perennial outside-yet-hit-maker Robert Rodriguez who expressed bewilderment at the "It's meant to be seen on a bog screen" argument, saying that he films it through a tiny camera lens and edits it on a machine the size of a large television, so it's really made and edited in a way that makes films perfect for a smaller screen.

In the meanwhile, I liked Stewart, but he seemed to get a chill from the audience. Well, fuck them. I saw Kathy Bates on Ferguson's show (the best talk show on television, in my estimation), and he quizzed her about why comedies don'[t have a chance at the Oscars. She got in a terrible huff, started babbling about film being a medium for catharsis and social change, and that comedies don't often offer these things in the way that drama does. And I was hearing her echoing the same sentiments found in the mission statement of every American theater that does well-meaning, liberal-minded, instructive, but boring theater, and I thought, Crash is going to win.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:21 AM on March 6, 2006

posted by Artw The "Home viewing is killing cinema" overtones were indeed a bit odd.

Yes, that was annoying. My response was, "No, you're killing cinema with crappy films, commercials before the previews, and allowing people to talk on cell phones and play with laser pointers in the theater."
posted by fandango_matt at 11:21 AM on March 6, 2006

The DVD thing was odd. I can understand harping at illegal downloading but bitching at people who buy the product that you're selling seems tacky.
posted by octothorpe at 11:21 AM on March 6, 2006

Does it really matter?

Well, I was hoping the answer was 'herself in a cowgirl outfit with a rose between her teeth,' but that'll do.
posted by jonmc at 11:22 AM on March 6, 2006

watched Salma present what?

The Lifetime Engorgement Award
posted by Gamblor at 11:23 AM on March 6, 2006

"big" screen. Although I might enjoy a bog screen.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:23 AM on March 6, 2006

The DVD thing was odd. I can understand harping at illegal downloading but bitching at people who buy the product that you're selling seems tacky.

I think the anti-DVD jeremiad may also have something to do with the relative power of the theatre owners, who appear to wield more power than you'd think in Hwood.
posted by docgonzo at 11:26 AM on March 6, 2006

Ironically, their "big screen" movie montage made the point opposite the one that they wanted to make: That there are some movies where people say "I gotta see this on a big screen" as opposed to "I'll wait for the DVD". But those movies are getting fewer and fewer and they're usually big budget CGI-fests. So why is Hollywood complaining?
posted by spock at 11:26 AM on March 6, 2006

It is funny how so many big media pundits have gotten the Stewart thing wrong, isn't it? The MSNBC jerk lies through his teeth on this one:

Coming back from one break, Stewart pretended to be in mid-sentence. "And that is why I think Scientology is right, not just for this city, but for the country," he said, clearly mocking some stars' commitment to Scientology. Hollywood sat silent.

We DVR'd it to avoid commercials, and I just watched that part again. The joke comes at 42 minutes in, and there is no fucking wayyou can describe the reaction as "Hollywood sat silent." What a prick. It got an almost immediate laugh that builds as Stewart then pretends to notice the camera and says, "Welcome back." And the deadlinehollywooddaily person totally missed the point of the "Some people say" non-joke; it was a classic Daily Show move, landing where everyone on the political spectrum can get a laugh. Perfect for this year's Oscars, and amazing that anyone who follows pop culture could manage to miss that.

Reese Witherspoon has some class, though, doesn't she? What a gracious little speech.

It was the best out of a very weak year of Best Picture nominations.

dios, you watched Brokeback Mountain?

*falls over in shock*
posted by mediareport at 11:27 AM on March 6, 2006

I'm not sure what the ruckus is about Brokeback Mountain not winning Best Picture. Were it a Western about anything other than a homosexual relationship, I doubt anyone would be fussing at all.

Or heck, maybe its just another example of the liberal media's plot to liberalize the...hrm.
posted by Atreides at 11:30 AM on March 6, 2006

Yeah, the major studios don't have to license movies for DVD release, if they hate the medium so much. C'mon, Hollywood -- balls out. Money where your mouth is, and all that.
posted by rkent at 11:31 AM on March 6, 2006

No, the best line of the night was when Stewart mentioned that Capote and Good Night and Good Luck where about journalists committed to the truth and making a difference and then casually says -- obviously they're both period pieces.

Stewart is best when he's lambasting the week entertainment that passes for news these days.

I also kind of liked it when he commented on the Academy's Tribute the Montages night since that sort of paralleled what I was thinking at the time and was the most egregious bite the hand that feeds you moment.
posted by willnot at 11:32 AM on March 6, 2006

One thing that bugs me, why do they continue this charade of "Oh no! We're running over..." when the program lasted the same amount of time it did last year, and every year for the last two decades? It's 3.5 hours. Stop pretending it's going to clock in under three. You're not fooling anyone.
posted by Gamblor at 11:32 AM on March 6, 2006

I was pretty steamed about Crash; the Best Picture nod was bad enough, but, to me, Best Original Screenplay was even worse. It's awfully silly that a bunch of loosely-connected "Racism Is Bad, Folks!" skits are held up as the best achievement in screenwriting.

But whatever. Getting to see Larry McMurtry rock the jeans and jowls was worth a lot. And I'm enjoying Clooney's humorous shit-stirrer porsona.
posted by COBRA! at 11:33 AM on March 6, 2006

Ironically, their "big screen" movie montage...

Oh yeah, I also loved that. Lemme get this straight: they're lecturing us about how superior the big screen is by showing us a bunch of movie clips on our TVs? What are we supposed to think? "Wow, that clip looked like crap, I'd better run out to a theater to catch it!"
posted by rkent at 11:33 AM on March 6, 2006

Oh, and the music underneath the acceptance speeches was way, way bad and needs to go.
posted by COBRA! at 11:33 AM on March 6, 2006

Oh, and The Day After Tommorow got into the "Issues" montage? WTF? Why not Waterworld?
posted by Artw at 11:34 AM on March 6, 2006

posted by mediareport Reese Witherspoon has some class, though, doesn't she? What a gracious little speech.

Yeah, but did you see her husband pouting? Ryan Phillipe was clearly thinking about calling Nick Lachey over for beers and Nintendo until Reese promised him a blow job in the limo ride home. Then he was all smiles.
posted by fandango_matt at 11:34 AM on March 6, 2006

Dang, all these Stewart quotes are pretty good! Maybe it was worth watching.
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:35 AM on March 6, 2006

I liked Clooney's speech. "Batman … killed today in a freak accident."
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:38 AM on March 6, 2006

He has damn funny. Having viewed the "jokes" on previous oscar nights I can see why some people might find that change jarring.
posted by Artw at 11:38 AM on March 6, 2006

Yeah, I thought he was very funny as well. Equally or perhaps more funny is that hollywood cannot take a joke at all. Whenever they cut to the audience you could see the grim "We are very important and profound people" smiles.

I do suggest that the studios try to figure out a way to get a few more black people to attend so that they don't have to cut to Jamie Foxx for a reaction shot after every mention of or joke involving black people. That was really out of hand.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:42 AM on March 6, 2006

docgonzo - that's because the theatre owners are like the bookie's in a crime syndicate. They are the ones who collect the money from the populace and funnel it up to the studios. So of course the studios and the 'academy' (whatever, last I checked, academy was something that could be referred to as academic, or a place where learning took place, instead of a social club for people who get rich by selling the products of another persons labor) are going to squawk when their 'primary' source of revenue is futzed with. They don't have as much power or control with DVD distributors, because that a market of tangible assets. In the theater, if you want to watch a movie more than once, you have to pay each time you view it. With a DVD, you pay once and then have endless replay. They can't keep gaining revenue if you aren't paying each time. Anyone remember the failure of the pay-for-play DVD's? Lasted about a month before people said "um, why should I pay each time I want to watch a DVD I already paid for?" That's why the big wigs piss and moan about DVD's.

Fuck them. And fuck hollywood. As much as I enjoy a great movie, I think the inovation and the "wow" factor died in 1999. Everything since then has been nothing but "oo, I've got it, let's make a sequel" or "let's remake this movie from 20 years ago, only this time, with Space Monkeys".

The biggest failure of thier model is the inability to adapt and change with the advent of new technoogy and new medium. And the sad part is that they were originally set up as 'legal vagaries'. Hollywood is in California because when they started, California was a very young state, and enforcement of patent and copyright laws was lax enough for them to get by with infringing constantly on already "owned" ideas. They would adapt a book into a movie without crediting authors, or blantantly steal a stage play and make it into a screenplay without giving credit to the original producers. The sad part is seeing how much their roots still carry through with their current system. They use money and political power to try and push out competition, and to put a strangle hold on any one who isn't already in their pay scheme.

I love the fact that what used to require millions of dollars to produce in hollywood can now be produced using a laptop and a consumer camcorder (with enough skill and dedication). It used to be impossible to do special effects. Now it's a $x (under 1000) for software off the shelf at your local computer retailer. And this burns the Academy to no end. They can't control what they don't own. They can't profit from it without holding the livelyhoods of the actual product makers hostage.

Every actor, director, stage hand, grip, editor will all spout the line of "piracy is killing us" because they are so beholden to the producers and financiers in the studios. And thse studios have independant producers locked out of the major distribution channels because more often than not, they also own those channels as well, and if not, they have contracts binding the distributors to only deal with them (gee, sounds kind of like an anti-trust case if you ask me).

Anyway, I'm done ranting about fops in stuffed shirts.

One last comment. What I caught of George Clooney's little speach was pretty cool. He seemed a little peeved at most of his peers. I like how his agenda seems to be a little more anti-establishment with each project he signs on to. That and he's a sexy man. Though not as sexy as Heath Ledger.
posted by daq at 11:45 AM on March 6, 2006

Also, they fled to California to make movies because Edison had a hard time enforcing his patent on the movie camera out there. Hollywood is built on theft.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:49 AM on March 6, 2006

The gay cowboy montage was my favorite.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:49 AM on March 6, 2006

heh. Not that Edison was a stranger to theft.
posted by Artw at 11:50 AM on March 6, 2006

posted by Divine_Wino I do suggest that the studios try to figure out a way to get a few more black people to attend so that they don't have to cut to Jamie Foxx for a reaction shot after every mention of or joke involving black people. That was really out of hand.

Ha! So I wasn't the only one who noticed that. They also needed to stop showing Heath Ledger in every other shot.
posted by fandango_matt at 11:50 AM on March 6, 2006

Well, I enjoyed it- but then, I like Stewart. It is true that his schtick is pretty much "pulling the high and mighty off their self-imposed pedestal", which may not play in a room where self-important blowhards fellate no-talent hacks like Jack Nicholson. His line about piracy didn't exactly play well in that room, as daq expounded about at length just a few posts above this one.

One question: What was the statue/sandal gag? I caught the bit about pulling down the statue and making democracy flower in LA, but I don't get the James Caan/sandal reference. Can someone explain that? I'm usually quite good at pop culture/movie references...
posted by hincandenza at 11:54 AM on March 6, 2006

even funnier than the anti-DVD rants were the winners for Adapted Screenplay waxing on about the literary tradition.
posted by arialblack at 11:54 AM on March 6, 2006

I hate awards show, and hopefully this is the last one of the season. Saw some of this one, though, and Jon Stewart was just fine. Did anyone else who saw "Brokeback Mountain" find it mind bogglingly long and dull? On the other hand, Salma was so hot I could get into being a gay cowgirl.
posted by Wylie Kyoto at 11:54 AM on March 6, 2006

Anybody else constantly mistake Heath Ledger for Johnny Depp?

Beautiful people all look alike to me, I guess.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:54 AM on March 6, 2006

That Brokeback Mountain kid actually had a hard time keeping a straight face when his prescripted monologue contained an anti-DVD line.

You could actually see Gyllenhaal squirm a little.

I thought that choosing Crash for best picture was such a twitchy liberal thing to do (and I'm a twitchy liberal), but the same could be said for Brokeback Mountain. Unfortunately, I think BM was a better movie.
posted by lunalaguna at 11:55 AM on March 6, 2006

They cut to Morgan Freeman a couple times too, so that balanced it out.
posted by Falconetti at 11:56 AM on March 6, 2006

Didn't see the Oscars, but wouldn't be surprised if Stewart was underwhelming. It seems like he usually falls kinda flat whenever he gets a "big opportunity." My guess is that he gets intimidated.

(For further proof of this, see his interviews of Colin Powell and Rick Santorum)
posted by Afroblanco at 11:58 AM on March 6, 2006

Gay AND black!
posted by Artw at 11:58 AM on March 6, 2006

I was surprised Mickey Rooney didn't win for Best Cabbage Patch Doll.
posted by fandango_matt at 11:59 AM on March 6, 2006

Personally I thought BM was over-rated. But Crash is a flat out bad movie.
posted by Artw at 12:00 PM on March 6, 2006

Am I the only one that thought that Brokeback Mountain was a long, tedious, rambling movie? It's nice that it humanizes gays, but is that really mutually exclusive to a genuinely good film? As a social statement perhaps it was important, but as a film, it was probably the worst I've seen since Troy.
posted by jefgodesky at 12:00 PM on March 6, 2006

Ha! So I wasn't the only one who noticed that. They also needed to stop showing Heath Ledger in every other shot.

BZZT! Wrong. There can never be too much Heath Ledger. Yum.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:02 PM on March 6, 2006

Oh, and The Day After Tommorow got into the "Issues" montage?

Uh... that clip was included only for its "meeting with head of FEMA" line. Topical!
posted by spock at 12:02 PM on March 6, 2006

But Troy had giant rolling balls of burning twine!

Giant rolling balls of burning twine!
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:03 PM on March 6, 2006

which may not play in a room where self-important blowhards fellate no-talent hacks like Jack Nicholson.

You obviously haven't seen About Schmidt. Who knew Jack could be subtle?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:03 PM on March 6, 2006

Snakes on a plane.

SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE.
posted by docgonzo at 12:05 PM on March 6, 2006

Stewart was pretty good. He got in some cute jokes and the fake political ad skits were side-splitting. The energy level of the entire show was pretty low, it seemed like people had a lot of stuff on their minds and weren't very enthusiastic about being in the show at all. I liked Ben Stiller's effects presentation.

All of the axe-grinding about Stewart (and Hollywood for that matter) is fucking pathetic.
posted by fleacircus at 12:06 PM on March 6, 2006

"Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her."

I loved that line.
posted by Artw at 12:07 PM on March 6, 2006

even funnier than the anti-DVD rants were the winners for Adapted Screenplay waxing on about the literary tradition.

Larry McMurtry is a pretty well established and respected (by many) author. Check out Anything for Billy, for instance. He also owns several bookstores.

They cut to Morgan Freeman a couple times too, so that balanced it out.


Yeah but mostly to capture his bafflement at the speech and giant stuffed penguins of the March of the Penguins dudes. Foxx is the go to for the black perspective and Freeman is there for Penguins, Gravitas and incomprehensible Antarctic Science Treaty speeches from French dudes. (that was a nice little speech by the way, charming).
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:08 PM on March 6, 2006

You could actually see Gyllenhaal squirm a little.

He squirmed because he blew the line and then laughed at how stupid it was in the first place.
posted by fleacircus at 12:08 PM on March 6, 2006

Ah, Go Fug Yourself has just begun their promised coverage, starting with Charlize. They'll have some good stuff coming, for sure. Oh, and Ben Stiller made me and my friends laugh, too; it was a good goofy gimmick, and took a lot of guts to do. I like him more now.

And it came early, so we weren't even that drunk yet.
posted by mediareport at 12:10 PM on March 6, 2006

posted by fleacircus Gyllenhaal squirmed because he blew the line and then laughed at how stupid it was in the first place.

I found that strangely refreshing. Unlike Keanu Reeves, who is in desperate need of a speech coach. Dude, like whoa.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:12 PM on March 6, 2006

Speaking of blowing lines, has Bacall forgotten how to read?
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:15 PM on March 6, 2006

Was anyone else vaguely amused at Clooney pointing to them giving an Oscar to Hattie McDaniel as a sign of Hollywood's equality in the 30's? I mean...their claim to fame is that in an era when blacks were only allowed to be servants and maids, they gave a black woman an award for playing a maid? In a pro-South film, no less? Hattie McDaniel was a great actress, and certainly deserved an Oscar, I just found it a bit silly that they were patting themselves on the back for giving a great black actress a servant's role filled with ethnic stereotypes, in a movie that was essentially about how sad it is that Southerners can't have slave plantations anymore.
posted by unreason at 12:16 PM on March 6, 2006

Didn't they also show Birth of a Nation as part of their social activism montage? I mean, jeez.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:18 PM on March 6, 2006

dag: ... and the "wow" factor died in 1999.

Just curious: Why 1999? And does it have anything to do with Martin Landau?

FWIW, I thought it was good material for the wrong audience. Worked on me; but he was definitely presenting most of the people in that room with jokes they were not particularly interested in hearing.

The Clooney speech was pretty priceless, but we all knew it would be. "Well, I guess I'm not getting director..."
posted by lodurr at 12:18 PM on March 6, 2006

has Bacall forgotten how to read?

That's unfair. Seemed more like a standard vision problem with the teleprompter, which probably either should have been closer or used a larger font for her. I felt bad for her, but don't think it reflects on her mind so much as bad planning between her and the organizers.
posted by mediareport at 12:19 PM on March 6, 2006

Yeh, I was squirmin' when Lauren was up there. Felt kind of bad about that. I always liked her.
posted by lodurr at 12:20 PM on March 6, 2006

For those who like to sign petitions: Recall the Crash Oscar and Crash: Anything But This.

Why do people still do things like this? You really think they are going to take the Oscar away? What is the point?
posted by nuclear_soup at 12:21 PM on March 6, 2006

Methinks what anti-DVD comments that my have persisted in the Awards ceremony weren't really aimed at the home-theatre crowd, but instead toward the studios themselves. Talent gets a very small percentage of DVD sales. Who's on stage during the Academy Awards? Unionized talent. DVD sales are great for the end user, great for the studio chiefs, but the writers, directors, and actors don't see much of the action

Generally, the various guild DVD profit-participation agreements were mostly decided based on a VHS-sales model. Back in the day studios priced VHS tapes for rental, rather than sales. Relatively low sales meant relatively low residuals, and thus, nothing worth fighting over. However, while the methods of content distribution evolve (from over-the-air broadcasts to downloadable narrowcasting, and from movie palaces to souped-up home theatres), the methods of profit participation haven't really. Not yet. However, the guilds are mobilizing. (Google the WGA's very public "behind the scenes" battles over the past six months for a better example of this).

In short, I think it was all posturing on the part of talent, setting the stage for union renegotiations in the near future.
posted by herc at 12:22 PM on March 6, 2006

I was vaguely amused by Matt Dillon, who appeared to be wondering what happened between Drugstore Cowboy and Herbie Fully Loaded. Hello, Matt? Time for a new agent.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:23 PM on March 6, 2006

I think he just wanted to his them big-ass titties. I doubt he even read the script for Herbie.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:28 PM on March 6, 2006

hit.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:29 PM on March 6, 2006

I knew Crash would win. I loathed that movie, but I'm not too upset about it -- it was well-acted, the editing was pretty and it had a really nice score, it's just that it was heavy-handed and manipulative as hell. (And Marina Sirtis's cameo was downright damn embarrassing.)

As for how you can separate "best director" from "best picture" -- I had a cinema-geek roommate in college to used to argue that was silly. I think it makes perfect sense. Being "best director" could mean something much like being named "best cook" for turning crappy materials into passable food. That doesn't mean that the meals is as good as you could get at the five-star down the street.

In filmic terms, think about, say, Touch of Evil: Great picture? No. Great direction? You bet. Working with no budget, crappy script, second- and third-rate talent, Welles made a hell of an entertaining flick that's even a little chewy.

OTOH, I can't extend my analogies to this years choices. I'm just going to argue that that such a choice could make sense -- not that this one did.
posted by lodurr at 12:30 PM on March 6, 2006

Yeah, but best fucking screenplay? That really sucks.

I like that Geisha got all the "Best pretty but pointless" awards.
posted by Artw at 12:32 PM on March 6, 2006

Honestly, with all the "Jon Stewart is going to [insert negative condition here]" talk going on, I started to expect him to be boring -- and instead he rocked our little group of people.

Also, gotta give it up for Ben Stiller. I wonder why his movies aren't as funny as his presentation was...
posted by davejay at 12:34 PM on March 6, 2006

Did Nicholson really pronounce it "Ka-Pooty" or was it just me really wanting him to?
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:34 PM on March 6, 2006

y'all watched the oscars?

wow.

i had to wait until today to ask co-workers if psh won. that's where the oscars were politicized and the only thing i cared about. if real acting had lost out to made for lifetime channel heath ledger, it would have been the oscar equivalent of crash in real life.

then to find out people are upset crash won instead of bbm?

that's a riot.

some wonk writes a campy fluff piece on how "anecdotal evidence [is] pouring in" academy members aren't screening bbm (not credible given hollywood is damn near one hundred percent gay) and then fails to provide a single supporting anecdote? sounds like pre-emptive whining to me.

and, of course, the things people are saying about crash in order to justify their mock rage are beyond oblivious. such encounters as despicted in crash just don't occur frequently? such motivations aren't front and center with so many people? see, *that's* the facile position. we can look around the oscar audience and see how true that is. and not the point. crash really was about the question of reclaiming dignity lost. in a world where it's lost every day by millions. to a killer soundtrack.

of course, we should say the things *very few* people are saying about crash:

"We endorse the Recall The Selection of Crash For Best Picture 2005 Petition to The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

16 Total Signatures"

ok, now that psh has his statue, please remind me never to give a shit again. whether jon stewart acquitted himself as host hardly matters. the terrible thing is jon stewart lowered himself to host the oscars.
posted by 3.2.3 at 12:35 PM on March 6, 2006

Award shows are nothing more than an excuse for the elite of the entertainment industry to indulge in a massive mutual anilingus orgy while rubbing our noses in our ordinariness. And we line up to watch.

Given the sheer enormity of magazines on the newsstand racks I pass by every day on my way to work that are devoted to either the worship or tearing down of celebrities (sometimes both), I would say this gives the people exactly what they want. And they pretty much deserve it.

I was stuck in Palm Beach Florida on a business trip last month, and watched "Walk the Line" on PPV. I did enjoysomewhat the music, and the vocal performances of both Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. However, I guess it had been a long time since I'd seen a mainstream hollywood film, since I was appalled by the atrociously simplistic dialogue that left no room for imagination or subtlety whatosever. The plot lines were similarly overwrought and obvious to the point of being mind-numbing ("the Lord done took the wrong son!!"). Again, I'm not afficionado, but based on the buzz about it, it seemed that that particular film passed for a top shelf production. Ms. Witherspoon's Oscar seems to validate that supposition.

My opinion is that both the cult of Hollywood and the industry of mindless worship of these fatuous assholes that leeches off it is one of the worst parts of our culture, so I am definitely on the outside looking in on this whole conversation.

I'll shut up now.
posted by psmealey at 12:36 PM on March 6, 2006

hincandenza wrote: no-talent hacks like Jack Nicholson

*does one of Stewart's eye-rubbing vaudevillian Whaaaa?s*

No one wins a your-favourite-band-sucks debate, but I just couldn't let this pass. You are talking about the guy who starred in Chinatown and One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, right? And Easy Rider? Five Easy Pieces? The Last Detail? The Shining? The Pledge? Not a smidge of talent in any of those, eh?

Anyhoo, as for Stewart, I thought he wasn't at his best, but then that comes with the gig. And he was as funny as could be hoped in that format. I mean, if he wasn't the funniest host in recent years, who was? Letterman utterly out of his depth? Billy Crystal doing "satirical" showtune medleys that seemed borrowed from Weird Al Yankovic's slushpile? You could maybe make a case for Chris Rock. Still, I thought Stewart acquitted himself quite well. And I loved that Scientology dig.
posted by gompa at 12:37 PM on March 6, 2006

Your whole post is eponysterical, mediareport. :)
posted by todbot at 12:38 PM on March 6, 2006

lodurr - the "wow" factor would be my opinion of some kind of original concept/movie. Or at least the implementation and presentation of a movie that actually caught you off guard when you saw it in the theaters. That movie would be "The Matrix". Keanu "Whoa" Reeves aside, that movie had people interested in seeing it in the theaters during it's first run because it a) presented a nice mystery, b) used some nice new flashy effects, and c) while the basis and all that was rehashed, it was creatively rehashed in a genre that had become rather sickly with the every loving crap fest of sci-fi that was being produced at the time. Today, they still user "Matrixy" as an adjective to try and describe a new movie pitch. Unfortunately, it's now synonymous with "oh, it will suck".
The one movie I think might break this mold coming out soon is "A Scanner Darkly" (yeah, again, keep your Keanu jokes to yourself, it's the material and presentation I'm concerned with). Or even what I've heard about the new Beowolf movie that Neal Gaiman has been working on. Either way it's a matter of asking yourself "have I seen this before" and "will I forget I have popcorn while I'm watching this". Most tripe coming out in theaters is something most people end up getting up in the middle of to get more snacks because they are so freaking bored. 90 minutes of "oh, right, they're trying to redo that thing from that other movie I saw last week".

Anyway. My opinion stinks but its apparently something a lot of people agree with.

That and I have many friends who would rather D.I.Y. than try and deal with the politics and drama you go through trying to work in Hollywierd.
posted by daq at 12:39 PM on March 6, 2006

I was very surprised that The Simpsons' and Family Guy's timeslots were switched so that FG started at the same time as the Oscars. Anyone else notice that, or was it just my local, bunnyears recievable, Canadian FOX-content importing channel?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:39 PM on March 6, 2006

wait...so what was Clooney's speech? I fell in love with him after realizing he was the funniest human being on the planet after his appearance on some late night show or other...

what'd he say?
posted by hototogisu at 12:42 PM on March 6, 2006

Check youtube for a clip, but he basically responded to Stewart's line that the rest of the country thinks Hwood is out of touch by saying he was glad Hwood was out of touch, 'cause they were the first to speak up for AIDS sufferers, neee-groes, etc. etc.

It was a good speech.
posted by docgonzo at 12:44 PM on March 6, 2006

Whatever you thought of anything else, you gotta admit that Dolly Parton rocked the house. She didn't look too good, IMO - too much botox or silicone or whatever - but I thought her performance KILLED!
posted by jasper411 at 12:44 PM on March 6, 2006

Alvy Ampersand -- in my market (Virginia) both Simpsons and Family Guy were preempted to show the blockbuster movie Bad Boys 2.
posted by inigo2 at 12:46 PM on March 6, 2006

At first I merely smiled at Stiller's antics, but as soon as he donned the green hood and pretended the envelope was going to 'open itself' I couldn't help but laugh.

I also thought Mel Gibson's piece in the opening montage was strangely entertaining...especially seeing as how he's poking fun at himself.
posted by NationalKato at 12:46 PM on March 6, 2006

Was anyone else vaguely amused at Clooney pointing to them giving an Oscar to Hattie McDaniel as a sign of Hollywood's equality in the 30's?

We laughed at that one, too. "Ye-as, Miss Scahlett!" touted as a sign of Hollywood's progressiveness through the ages? That was a bit much, particularly if this cute little racist tidbit is true:

She was allowed to attend the Academy Award Ceremony but she and her escort were seated in the back of the room at a table just for them. It seemed that despite her great success the color of her skin matterted more to people than her acting talent.

Oops.

And the Academy hasn't exactly done right by her memory, with her statue apparently gone missing:

A spokesman for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said that the organization already has refused a request within the past two years to re-issue McDaniel's Oscar

More:

The actress, who won a Best Supporting Oscar for her role in Gone with the Wind, wrote in her will that, upon her death, the Oscar would be given to Howard University. At some point in the 1960s, the statue was either lost or stolen and now AMPAS refuses to replace it. To add insult to injury, Academy Executive Director, Bruce Davis, sent the school a photo of McDaniel and offered to help out should the Oscar show up on eBay.

Perhaps Clooney should have done a bit of research
posted by mediareport at 12:48 PM on March 6, 2006

I was disappointed and surprised to see Crash take the Oscar. I thought that Crash had its moments of fairly entertaining drama, but it was completely unrealistic, and the trite writing was heavy-handed and lugubrious.

Here's what would have happened to me this morning if Crash had been an even moderately realistic movie:

When I got on the El train at rush hour there was a scowling African American teenager in baggy, hooded clothing. He was using up two seats on the crowded train, since his Malcolm X duffel full of shoplifted merchandise was seated along side of him. Well that was IT. I had had it! I am a cranky old jewish woman and I do not go to bed each night with creaking arthritis pains so that I can have nightmares about the Holocaust and then wake up and get on the train and have to STAND UP because of some [foulest racist language here] and his duffel bag. So naturally I tell him--and the other 48 passengers in the car--exactly what I think of him and all other members of his race, on this or any other continent. Oh, I spare no epithet or hateful stereotype, believe you me. I look sweet, but I'm a See You Next Tuesday like you wouldn't belive.

Well, low and behold, the kid pulls out a 7" switchblade and holds it close to my trembling throat. And none of the other passengers even help me! But then....I cry ...blood (how odd! Like the stigmata, only through my EYES--and again, strange indeed since I am not even Catholic...very peculiar!) Well, that calms everyone down a bit. A limp wrist proffers a Handiwipe. But the Handiwipe is unwrapped, thus sterility is questionable and I do not want to take it because because the man who is holding it seems so gay (he has on a big red sweater that says "GAY") that I am afraid I could contract The Aids. (His baseball cap says "HIV+") But then a little man in a yarmulke and prayer shawl opens up his satchel of money and removes a lightly crumpled Kleenex and hands it to me just in time. The African American youth and I talk a little. Turns out the black kid is a graduate student at the University of Chicago studying sociolinguistics. A tense but enriching friendship develops between us this morning, wherein I soon learn he has a terminal kidney disease. (see, that's why he had resorted to shoplifting expensive external hard drives, to sell them on eBay in hopes or raising enough money to afford a kidney transplant--And he'd had the knife on him because he was planning to commit suicide, feeling so bad about the thefts.) Since I happen to be the Medicare adjuster who rejected his transplant request (just because I hate people of other races), I feel terrible and return to my dark thoughts about the holocaust for 10 full minutes until I can see that every one of us has a "holocaust" and every one of us perpetrates one) That afternoon, I donate one of my kidneys to the kid, but it is too late and he dies. And you remember that nice man on the train who gave me the Kleenex? Well, it turns out he had the bird flu (from eating at a chinese restaurant that does not follow city sanitation codes because its proprietors read only Mandarin). Within 7 hours I am blind and bedridden. My Florence Nightingale is a Hospice nurse, a drag queen named Eddie who's father was a Palestinian civilian who was shot in a Tel Aviv frozen yogurt shoppe by Israeli soldiers. It was a case of mistaken identity. Edward and I sing a racist schoolyard song about Chinamen as I sip my last Coca-Cola and slip into a coma, Edward holding my hand. (But it was Edward who really administered the fatal overdose of morphine. Wink.)

What actually happened to me this morning:

Got on the crowded El train and there was nowhere to sit. There was a guy using two seats, one for his backpack. Inconsiderate, huh? I don't remember what ethnicity he was. Fortunately, someone got off the train and I was able to sit down.
posted by applemeat at 12:48 PM on March 6, 2006

and, of course, the things people are saying about crash in order to justify their mock rage are beyond oblivious. such encounters as despicted in crash just don't occur frequently? such motivations aren't front and center with so many people? see, *that's* the facile position. we can look around the oscar audience and see how true that is. and not the point. crash really was about the question of reclaiming dignity lost.

1. Here's why Crash had a very shitty screenplay: it's easy to talk about what the message of Crash was, but impossible to say what the story was. Because there was no story, just a bunch of set pieces strung together.

2. And as for those encounters occuring frequently: one of the best pieces of writing advice I've ever heard comes from David Foster Wallace, along the lines of "just because something actually happened doesn't mean that it's a good story."
posted by COBRA! at 12:51 PM on March 6, 2006

Your whole post is eponysterical, mediareport.

Ha. I don't know what that means.
posted by mediareport at 12:52 PM on March 6, 2006

My guess is that he gets intimidated.

Naww, its that you just can't say certain things to certain people or they will not come on your show. Before you meet someone like Powell or Kissinger, there's a nice long list of "what you can't ask." You don't talk about Hitchens to Kissinger. Then there's submitting your questions for approval and being told that the guest will get up and leave if you deviate at all. And that your career will be fucked when it comes to A-List types.

Being mainstream means knowing your place in certain situations. Stewart knows this. Stewart and TDS follow these rules. Better that than never getting the guest on. One good question for ten softballl questions is worth it for most people.

I can imagine the oscars being exactly like this, except the rules are a bit more fuzzy and the assumption that if you think some joke or comment is out of bounds, then you should err on the side of caution and not say it. Especially when surrounded by giant egos, historically self-important artists, and a bazillion viewers. You can make a movie abou t freedom of speech and win a ton of awards, but keep your comedy in check at the Oscars as you may offend the wrong people. Oh, the irony.
posted by skallas at 12:54 PM on March 6, 2006

Saying Jack Nicholson has no talent is like saying Alex Rodriguez is a bad ball player because you hate the Yankees. Spare me.
posted by xmutex at 12:54 PM on March 6, 2006

May I add my two cents' appreciation for the Lily Tomlin/Meryl Streep introduction for Altman? They were as great as his speech wasn't.
posted by mkhall at 12:55 PM on March 6, 2006

posted by COBRA! 1. Here's why Crash had a very shitty screenplay: it's easy to talk about what the message of Crash was, but impossible to say what the story was. Because there was no story, just a bunch of set pieces strung together.

See also: Syriana.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:55 PM on March 6, 2006

y'all watched the oscars?

wow.

i had to wait until today to ask co-workers if psh won...

Careful 3.2.3; Your Ironic Detatchment is showing.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:56 PM on March 6, 2006

Also, they fled to California to make movies because Edison had a hard time enforcing his patent on the movie camera out there.

Don't you think it might have had something to do with the fact that it rains and snows in New Jersey a hell of a lot more than in Southern California.
posted by octothorpe at 12:58 PM on March 6, 2006

Applemeat, that was awesome.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:58 PM on March 6, 2006

posted by skallas You can make a movie about freedom of speech and win a ton of awards, but keep your comedy in check at the Oscars as you may offend the wrong people. Oh, the irony.

Michael Moore, is that you?
posted by fandango_matt at 12:58 PM on March 6, 2006

I find it curious that so many comments badmouth the Oscars by people who obviouslyh sat through them.
Funny story: at coffee shop this morning, the owner cursed CRASH. Saidthe film was lousy, sucked. Then noted he had not seen it. Later, at lunch, friend said of MUNICH that it whowed that both sides were equivalent in their hate etc. Asked the friend if he had seen it. No, he said. But that is what I read about it.

Like Stewart. Hate Stewart. Like winner. Hate winners. It is your view. You may be right. Or not. Wait till next year! It will be much better. Or not.
posted by Postroad at 12:59 PM on March 6, 2006

Also, Don Knotts was left out of the Recently Dead Actors montage.
posted by fandango_matt at 1:02 PM on March 6, 2006

Also, Don Knotts was left out of the Recently Dead Actors montage.
posted by fandango_matt at 3:02 PM CST on March 6 [!]

He died in 2006; he'll be there next year.
posted by COBRA! at 1:04 PM on March 6, 2006

You know what was fun to watch? The "Independent Spirit Awards" hosted by Sarah Silverman. All those "fuck"s.

And the songs that were sung about the Best Picture nominees? Macy Gray and the All-Capote Band? Dwight Yokam? That fat dude who always seems to play the same part singing the song about "Good Night, and Good Luck"? ALL BRILLIANT!
posted by ColdChef at 1:06 PM on March 6, 2006

Oh, I could've sworn they included someone who died in January.
posted by fandango_matt at 1:06 PM on March 6, 2006

I'll assume the clips from Ready to Wear were accidently left out of Altman's segment...
posted by jalexei at 1:10 PM on March 6, 2006

Oh, I could've sworn they included someone who died in January.

Sure. In January 2005.
posted by mazola at 1:11 PM on March 6, 2006

Oh, I could've sworn they included someone who died in January.

Sure. In January 2005.

Yeah, but they did include Chris Penn, who died this January.
posted by docgonzo at 1:13 PM on March 6, 2006

Aha!
posted by fandango_matt at 1:13 PM on March 6, 2006

applemeat wins.
posted by dvdgee at 1:16 PM on March 6, 2006

skallas: Being mainstream means knowing your place in certain situations. Stewart knows this. Stewart and TDS follow these rules. Better that than never getting the guest on. One good question for ten softballl questions is worth it for most people.

Stewart said as much on air, around the time of the Kerry election appearance. He said something funnier than "Please Mr. Bush, come on the show. I promise to be super nice."
posted by Chuckles at 1:16 PM on March 6, 2006

h, and The Day After Tommorow got into the "Issues" montage? WTF? Why not Waterworld?
posted by Artw at 11:34 AM PST on March 6

It was a nod to global warming. Didn't you catch the little bit of dialogue they included? Scientist is badgering some the Vice -President, or some such. His response: "I can't look at it right now, I've got a meeting with the head of FEMA." You can't tell me that wasn't pointed and clever.

Loved the fake attack ads, too.

And the cowboy montage, which was brilliant.
posted by jokeefe at 1:27 PM on March 6, 2006

2004 interview with Olivia De Havilland discussing the "delicate situation" of seating arrangements for Hattie McDaniel and her escort at the 1939 Academy Awards ceremony:

AP: Did McDaniel know [about her win] in advance?

De Havilland: She didn't know. She was already at the awards. She was seated with her black escort and David made sure she was properly seated and he wasn't satisfied at first as to where she was seated. He rearranged things so it was more appropriate, from his point of view.

AP: She was in the back, and he moved her closer?

De Havilland: He arranged a table for two in a very good position for her and her escort and they were perfectly comfortable. In those days, it was still a delicate situation.

Hmm. Not quite the image Clooney was going for.
posted by mediareport at 1:29 PM on March 6, 2006

3.2.3. You're making progress. Maybe next year you can care so little that you don't waste your time crapping in an Oscars thread.
posted by spock at 1:46 PM on March 6, 2006

Hattie McDaniel was the first on a pretty short list of black Oscar winners. She won in 1939. Sidney Poitier won Best Actor for Lilies of the Field in 1963, 24 years later. Louis Gossett Jr. won Best Supporting Actor for An Officer and a Gentleman 19 years after that, in 1982. It became more common for black actors and actresses to win after Denzel Washington won Best Supporting Actor for Glory in 1989, but it was still a big deal when Denzel won Best Actor and Halle Berry won Best Actress in 2002.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:51 PM on March 6, 2006

I could've sworn they included someone who died in January.

Apparently, the cut-off date is February 1.
posted by mediareport at 1:53 PM on March 6, 2006

Does anyone have a link to a picture of Judi Dench? I would love to see her outfit, but a Google images search and a news search turns up nothing.
posted by darsh at 1:58 PM on March 6, 2006

since the good people of California have already elected two actors as their Governor, I don't see why Clooney shouldn't run in 10 years time, see what happens -- he certainly doesn't seem dumber than both of his Hollywood predecessors.

and, unlike the Austrian killer of old convicts, Clooney could then run for President.

the Democrats have certainly run worse candidates.
posted by matteo at 2:02 PM on March 6, 2006

the Democrats have certainly run worse candidates.

Something tells me Mr. Clooney is too smart to agree to this plan.
posted by docgonzo at 2:07 PM on March 6, 2006

Imagine the interns he'd get to fuck...
posted by ColdChef at 2:12 PM on March 6, 2006

I'd like to point out that Stewart's intro was on bitorrent 15 minutes after it ended (not after the Oscars ended, 15 minutes after the intro ended.)
Long live p2p.
posted by signal at 2:13 PM on March 6, 2006

I haven't yet seen BBM. Every clip and promo I've seen makes it look god-awful boring and repetitive.

I'll watch it eventually. Sooner if it gets recommended by someone whose movie opinions I've found similar to mine in the past.

Crash walked the line between crappy and decent, just pulling through as acceptable by always jumping away to something else JUST as I was thinking "Oh furchissakes, give me a friggin BREAK" with the story.
The stereoypes were way too thick. Sure sometimes that can be used to make a point, but you need to consider that the audiences mind is working all the time while you are laying those shallow characters down and by the time you make your point the audience has been turned off by the silly simplicity.
posted by HTuttle at 2:14 PM on March 6, 2006

it's been mentioned once in this thread already, but my favorite moment of the night was Lily Tomlin and Meryl Steep's presentation of Altman's honorary Oscar©...

Bloody brilliant..!

and the 'Gay Westerns' montage was classic
posted by WhipSmart at 2:22 PM on March 6, 2006

Speaking of Judy Densch: You know, I'm still furious that Reese Witherspoon won the Best Actress oscar for pretending that you could play June Carter Cash exactly as though she were virtually every other character Reese Witherspoon has ever played. What the hell happened there?
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:23 PM on March 6, 2006

Loved the fake attack ads, too.

The fake attack ads we're the funniest thing all night. Three cheers for the Colbert cameo.
posted by nuclear_soup at 2:25 PM on March 6, 2006

I liked Crash, I havn't seen brokeback mountan, and I thought Walk the Line was an OK but shallow movie, hardly oscar worthy.
posted by delmoi at 2:30 PM on March 6, 2006

Applemeat, I don't know how you'd go about it (I ain't a hollywood type), but I bet you could sell that story. KA-CHING!
posted by sharpener at 2:32 PM on March 6, 2006

3.2.3 writes "the terrible thing is jon stewart lowered himself to host the oscars"

I think Jon has a very Micheal Caine view of the industry.

mediareport writes "A spokesman for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said that the organization already has refused a request within the past two years to re-issue McDaniel's Oscar"

Do they ever re-issue Oscars?
posted by Mitheral at 2:37 PM on March 6, 2006

Is the attack ads bit on YouTube somewhere?

Does anyone have a link to a picture of Judi Dench? I would love to see her outfit, but a Google images search and a news search turns up nothing.

Getty Images is your friend.

There's also a shot of her in the best actress video.
posted by cillit bang at 2:38 PM on March 6, 2006

Coming back from one break, Stewart pretended to be in mid-sentence. "And that is why I think Scientology is right, not just for this city, but for the country," he said, clearly mocking some stars' commitment to Scientology.

Ahh, so THAT'S what got mangled when my ABC affiliate's late news promo ran long. I could tell I'd missed something good.
posted by pmurray63 at 2:54 PM on March 6, 2006

I thought Jon did a great job with the hosting. He certainly got better as the show progressed, and it seemed like he got more comfortable poking fun at Hollywood too. There seems to be a weird disconnect between what viewers found funny and what the audience found funny at the time. Which, doesn't surprise me. Hollywood need to get their "movies. Serious Business." stick out of their bum and learn from Clooney's example.

I also can't believe that no one's mentioned Nick Parks and Steve Box putting the matching little bow ties on their oscars. One of my favorite bits of the night.

I'm pissed about Crash winning, but not really shocked. If you look at the other noms, the "racism is bad. Did I mention that racism is bad? 'Cause it is. Bad, I mean" movie was probably the easiest pick for most oscar voters, certainly compared to the subject matter the other noms dealt with. Plus the fact that it was heavily pushed by the films PR people sending out screening dvds to just about everybody probably had a lot to do with it. I mean, the film came out in April to mixed reviews and then quietly disappeared from sight until awards season.
posted by kosher_jenny at 3:13 PM on March 6, 2006

I sat down and watched the entirety of the Oscars for the first time in my life because JS was hosting, and I wasn't disapponted. The goofy montage with Crystal, Rock, and Goldberg et al. remined me of how bad it's been in the past--god, I shudder at the sanctimony of Goldberg giving an award to Philadelphia and remarking how great Hollywood liberals are (speaking as a liberal).

So yeah, Crash is another Philadelphia or Schindler's List--crap film that had the right "message" for that year. You can just picture the voters jizzing all over themselves in doling out their approval on whatever issue is at stake.

And I thought Walk the Line was robbed--Reese was good, but she didn't deserve it. I think Joaquin did, however. But it's hard to be hatin' on PS Hoffman.

Next year, leave out the movies and just have Stewart, Stiller, Colbert, and the various hotties of both sexes. Charlize Theron should be sequestered by NASA and her DNA harvested for future generations of perfectly, awesomely good looking people. Because ugly people are a downer.

If they had applemeat's sense of humor, humans would rule the galaxy.
posted by bardic at 3:28 PM on March 6, 2006

I also can't believe that no one's mentioned Nick Parks and Steve Box putting the matching little bow ties on their oscars.

That was cute, but doesn't their doing that and the March of the Penguins' guys penguins pretty much prove they knew in advance they'd win? Or did they have little Oscar-size ties made just in case?
posted by kirkaracha at 3:44 PM on March 6, 2006

There seems to be a weird disconnect between what viewers found funny and what the audience found funny at the time.

Yeah that's what I though too. Most of the Hollywood people didn't like being made fun of all night, but that was exactly why I was laughing.
posted by nuclear_soup at 3:48 PM on March 6, 2006

a) I'm kind of tired of people winning Best (Supporting) Actor/Actress in biopics. It's one thing to have, say, a nomination for Judi Dench playing Elizabeth I. It's another to have Reese Witherspoon win for playing June Carter Cash. It seems to me that creating a full, sympathetic character from nothing but a script is more commendable than what may be a great performance but one that draws from a slew of available resources - video footage, audio, interviews, you name it. I'm actually just sick of the biopic trend in general.

b) I like George Clooney. I really, really like him. But why in God's name did he win for Syriana? He didn't DO anything in that movie. I would have much rather seen him win for one of his other nominations.

c) No more angling for an Oscar by uglifying. (I'm looking at you, Charlize.)

d) Granted, I'm not a fan to begin with, but good lord, I thought that Ben Stiller bit was atrocious.

e) There should have been more Keira Knightley. There can't be enough Keira Knightley ever. I want her necklace. And I like her for eating. Eating French toast.

f) How come Lagaan is the only Indian movie that I can recall being nominated? I'm just amazed that they never seem to have any Indian flicks in the mix.

g) I'm about as disappointed in Crash as Best Picture as I was last year with Million Dollar Baby. Only thing I liked about Crash was that everyone was racist, not just the white people.

h) Next year: Samuel L. Jackson, Best Actor in a Leading Role for Snakes on a Plane.
posted by anjamu at 4:30 PM on March 6, 2006

That was cute, but doesn't their doing that and the March of the Penguins' guys penguins pretty much prove they knew in advance they'd win? Or did they have little Oscar-size ties made just in case?

Their thinking was probably something along the lines of, "I'll only ever get one shot at this..."
posted by mkultra at 4:32 PM on March 6, 2006

Stewart did pretty much what I expected: toned down the NYC smart-assisms but left a few gentle barbs in so that we wouldn't think he'd completely sold out.

Fact is, you agree to present the Oscars, you have to play the game. He did. It was basically dull.

I'd like to see Chris Morris present the Oscars. No, I'll go further: I'd agree to having two years knocked off my life to see Chris Morris present the Oscars.
posted by Decani at 4:46 PM on March 6, 2006

"I was disappointed and surprised to see Crash take the Oscar"

Why you be hatin'?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:48 PM on March 6, 2006

Fashion: Uma was stunning, she out shone every other woman (especially that colorless ghost, Nicole Kidman.) J Lo wins the Best Dress For Walking Across The Stage Award. Hillary wins the Best Dress For Showing Off Your Fabulous Body, But Not Such Great Hair Award. Rachel wins the You're Kidding Me-- No Way You Are 7 Months Pregnant Award.

Faces: Two great examples of why you should leave your face alone. (Three if you count Sandra Bullock's frozen mask) Had Lauren Bacall allowed herself to age, we would have thought she did a pretty good job for an eighty year old. And Dolly has now officially entered Phantom of The Opera Territory-- she no longer has a "nose."

Speeches: McMurtry's shout-out to book sellers becomes understandable when you know that he runs a used book store himself. Loved the penguins and the bow ties, but thought the mother theme got a little over done. Had a little laugh at the woman who thanked "my husband, my wife." I think she was thanking the wife of her partner, but who knows?

Best Song:Has this ever had any relevance? Last night watching the interpretive dance to "witches who say ship" was so surreal, I didn't know whether to pinch myself or go get another drink.

Best movie Award: I remember nothing of Crash, except I thought it was a fine little movie; I don't remember the story, the acting, the mood, or the ending. Brokeback Mountain, on the other hand, will probably stay with me the rest of my life much like Days of Heaven.

The Show:I don't know how much longer the show is going to air on a major network-- I think it is ready for cable. The problem is that the Academy tries to do two different things, host an award show for insiders and host an entertainment show for the masses. It is time to choose one or the other. Either tape the whole thing and run the best bits as a 2 hour special, or trim the Awards given out live to acting, directing, and maybe screenplays. People at home could give two farts about editing or sound. They especially don't want to watch a gaggle of unattractive, unfamous men in tuxedos thanking their wives. I would strongly suggest dropping the Best Song catagory as well as the short animated films and short docs which the general public rarely have occasion to see.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:49 PM on March 6, 2006

My dream oscar opening would have been a grandiose song and dance number with clever digs all in front of a history of movies about justice, liberty, war, invasion, and ending as Jon Stewart rolls onstage in a tank and throws a lasso around a huge oscar statue, pulls it down, and taking off his sandals and beats the face dusty as he declaring that the audience had their freedom. Then he'd leave the stage and it'd be pitch black for 30 seconds.

As that didn't happen I watched the alternative show, on tv. The first 5 minutes were good, the next hour was drifted until that rap group accepted their award and Jon got great again... which sustained it for a while and then wained off. Which is about how it usually goes.

That joke without a punchline was hilarious.
posted by holloway at 4:53 PM on March 6, 2006

I thought Jon did really well...at least as well as anyone can do during the Oscars. Personally my favorite joke was when he introduced Steven Spielberg and said "First Schindler's List, then Munich. What's going to happen to us Jews next? TRILOGY!!" (paraphrase).

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain yet, but I have a feeling that I'll be disappointed when I do, with the way it's been built up so much. And I'm dying to see Capote.
posted by apple scruff at 4:56 PM on March 6, 2006

Best Oscars since Letterman and then Carson before him. I love it when those glittering idiots are brought down a notch or two by the host.

And what I really thought was great were the "suspicious by their absence" group of usually power wait A-listers. Think about it. Who WASN'T there. Cruise. Carey. Brad Pitt et al.

And Stewart did make a "Saddam/Oscar Statue being torn down allowing Democracy to flourish" reference. Which I thought was great.
posted by tkchrist at 5:25 PM on March 6, 2006

*power "weight"* Ugh.
posted by tkchrist at 5:25 PM on March 6, 2006

I'm just gonna go ahead and mention Paul Haggis' ambiguous involvement with Walker, Texas Ranger. He was the creator of somethingerother? Can't be bothered to check but, god, Crash was bad.

I'd actually rather watch Walker, Texas Ranger. At least it's not pretending to be something its not. Ok, maybe it is...
posted by setpounds at 5:45 PM on March 6, 2006

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban watched the first quarter in a tuxedo rather than in his customary jeans and T-shirt before leaving via private jet for the Academy Awards in Hollywood. A movie produced by Cuban, "Good Night and Good Luck," was up for six nominations.

What a tool. Hey! look at me, I'm going to the Oscar's! I could change on the plane but, hey! Look at me!
posted by geekyguy at 6:13 PM on March 6, 2006

Cuban, showboating?! YOu don't say...
posted by cell divide at 6:17 PM on March 6, 2006

PS have you ever tried to change on a G5? Not easy.
posted by cell divide at 6:17 PM on March 6, 2006

You must be very, very bored to care about that.
posted by mkultra at 7:07 PM on March 6, 2006

Haven't seen Brokeback Mt., but I saw Crash. What a mixed bag that movie is. The acting is great across the board, which is why it's so watchable, and the cinematography and direction are also quite good.

But, egad, that script. Blunt, stereotypical, condescending, and pretentious all at once. It's Magnolia meets Do the Right Thing, and they even steal Aimee Mann for the Magnolia-esqe soundtrack. Virtually every character's story is compelling, but Haggis goes absolutely nowhere with them. (spoiler alert)! Matt Dillon the racist cop abuses a black woman in one scene, then later saves her from a car crash. How ironic! Then...nothing, that story line comes to a full stop. The scene with the Latino locksmith screaming when his daughter was "shot" was unintentionally hilarious, very, very bad. On the other hand, the set up for that was a sweet scene between the father and daughter and a "protection cloak" that worked well.

Haggis creates these situations but can't think through the resolutions at all. Sandra Bullock does the best acting I've ever seen her do, but her weepy "confession" to her Mexican housekeeper made me want to puke.

Haggis is one of those rare hacks that can fool everyone into thinking he's quite talented. He wrote the screenplay for Million Dollar Baby, an equally overrated film.
posted by zardoz at 7:08 PM on March 6, 2006

I can't believe Cronenberg Finally won an Oscar (tm). I mean Crash was certainly not mainstream...er oh That Crash. Nevermind
posted by Gungho at 7:12 PM on March 6, 2006

Not only didn't I see the Oscar awards, I only saw one of the movies up for any nomination (Good Night and Good Luck), and that was a pirated release. And speaking of piracy, I recently got my hands on a bootleg copy of the original theatrical screening of Blade Runner (as in, not the tape, not the DVD, not the LaserDisc... the actual original screening). Just thought I'd share that, since I'm physically incapable of caring any less about the shit coming out of Hollywood these days.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:37 PM on March 6, 2006

Amy Adams was robbed.
posted by JT at 10:57 PM on March 6, 2006

apple scruff: Capote didn't deserve a best pic nom; it's basically a made for tv movie that lucked out by casting one of the best actors of our generation in the lead.

setpounds: Haggis created Due South, featuring the wacky, fish out of water adventures of a Mountie in Chicago or New York, as played by Toronto. The Mountie, like all good Canadians, is sensible and calm and follows the rules while everyone else is a loud, obnoxious, Ugly American. Nice to see that fucking hack Haggis has moved on from using such flat, lifeless stereotypes.

Civil_Disobedient: Hollywood has always made shit. And although Blade Runner is a particularily pretty piece of shit to look at, it's still shit. Just thought I'd share that, since I'm physically incapable of ignoring silly hipster posturing these days.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:41 PM on March 6, 2006

since the good people of California have already elected two actors as their Governor, I don't see why Clooney shouldn't run in 10 years time, see what happens -- he certainly doesn't seem dumber than both of his Hollywood predecessors.

Clooney has been asked this many times in the last several years, and he has always demurred, with words to the effect of "Right, and what party's going to want me? I'd have to run on the 'I took it, I did it and I slept with her' ticket."
posted by LondonYank at 1:04 AM on March 7, 2006

I'm physically incapable of ignoring silly hipster posturing

As a Mainer, I am physically incapable of hipster posturing, but I appreciate the sentiment. Now if you don't mind, I'm off to buy some BatMan Underoos.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:52 AM on March 7, 2006

Haggis creates these situations but can't think through the resolutions at all. Sandra Bullock does the best acting I've ever seen her do, but her weepy "confession" to her Mexican housekeeper made me want to puke.

That sequence is the perfect example of what's wrong with that movie. There's a REALLY interesting idea there, that you can build an entire movie around- elitist, racist white woman comes to the realization that the only person she can have an honest conversation with is her Latino housekeeper. Haggis, however, instead of developing that, just drops it out there in overt terms and doesn't do anything with it.
posted by mkultra at 5:24 AM on March 7, 2006

JT, I agree! I thought Amy Adams was a standout delight in the otherwise agreeable (but imo not outstanding) Junebug. So many others might have taken Adams' irrepressible pollyanna role into saccharine-hell (...or else shown us some evil side of her to negate it). But Adams was perfect in the role. Her appealing character was sweet and adorable, sure. But she was also strong and tough in an important way, as opposed to the easier, more posturing ways that women in movies are often "tough".
posted by applemeat at 6:07 AM on March 7, 2006

One billion people? That's almost as many as read Metafilter...

No seriously, the final word is that Jon Stewart held back on some of his typical humor so that he wouldn't do any more damage to progressive thought...

There's no truth to the rumor that Michael Kalin will be invited to host next year's Oscars.
posted by notmtwain at 6:20 AM on March 7, 2006

Does anyone know why they zoomed in so tight on Reese Witherspoon's face, during her acceptance speech? They didn't do that for anyone else, and I'm wondering if it was a wardrobe malfunction. My roommate thinks they wanted to show everyone her tears and emotion.

Also: Brokeback Mountain was totally robbed.
posted by hooray at 6:50 AM on March 7, 2006

Because it was a clearly obviously scripted speech, hooray, and the director knew when to go closeup, and Colbert's parody about American names and American actresses wasn't really a parody at all, esp for Best Actress.

Stewart was stiff for most of it, and the audience is always stiff at these things--they're not a laughing bunch--they have money riding on all this nonsense. I was underwhelmed.
posted by amberglow at 7:00 AM on March 7, 2006

LondonYank writes "Clooney has been asked this many times in the last several years, and he has always demurred, with words to the effect of 'Right, and what party's going to want me? I'd have to run on the "I took it, I did it and I slept with her" ticket.'"

I'd vote that ticket.
posted by Mitheral at 8:05 AM on March 7, 2006

Maybe next year you can care so little that you don't waste your time crapping in an Oscars thread.

dude, i thought i was in a crap on crash thread. i'm so sorry. my bad.
posted by 3.2.3 at 8:40 AM on March 7, 2006

People can bitch all they want about Paul Haggis's hackishness but he wrote and directed EZ Streets, some of the best 13 hours of television I've ever seen.
posted by PenDevil at 8:55 AM on March 7, 2006

Did anyone else watch the Colbert Report from last Thursday? I just watched it last night and was astounded to see that Stephen picked all five major category winners (Best Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress and Picture) from the Oscars on da Colbert Code, including Crash. Unbelieveable? Or conspiracy? Hmmm.
posted by psmealey at 5:52 PM on March 7, 2006

are they gone?




I liked Crash. not loved but liked. The scene with Thandee deciding to let Damon rescue her was so brilliant.

My best picture would be Capote. It's exploration of the themes of honesty, integrity was captivating. It worked on so many levels- it was almost lit'ry!
posted by pointilist at 8:13 PM on March 7, 2006

...so what did the Director do with that winning material if not produce the best picture?

That's an easy one. He directed the best picture. You have accidentally hit on the actual answer to your attempted rhetorical question. Best picture is really an award for the producers, but since it's often hard to pin down which producer did what, 'best producer' doesn't work as an award.
posted by bingo at 10:00 PM on March 7, 2006

...er, he didn't direct the best picture. He directed a picture. You get the idea.
posted by bingo at 10:06 PM on March 7, 2006

tons of rumors around that Nicholson told people he would announce Crash as the winner whether it was or not, and that many academy voters (who are mostly old white straight men they say) didn't even watch Brokeback.
posted by amberglow at 1:10 PM on March 8, 2006

more: Hollywood Hardly Hearts Homosexuals--...Think about it. Hollywood's homosexual agenda? Gay actors can't even come out of the closet. Gay executives and agents stay in the closet. There isn't a more closeted business in the country, except, perhaps, the National Football League.
Hollywood's homosexual agenda? Name the great gay-themed movies over the last thirty years? Let's see, Philadelphia (where the gay protagonist is dying) and... well that's it. That's Hollywood's gay agenda over the last thirty years. Two movies.
The movie business is always a decade or so behind the rest of the country. They can't afford to break ground. They are all owned by large conglomerates and have to make profits; thus their movies are always safe, bland, and homogenized. That's their agenda -- to bring in cash. ...
posted by amberglow at 1:22 PM on March 8, 2006

Republicans old white straight men Crash stole the election Oscar from Democrats Brokeback. My team never loses for real!
posted by dios at 3:26 PM on March 8, 2006

Any word whether Diebold instead of Price Waterhouse was in charge of tabulating the Best Picture votes?
posted by dios at 3:27 PM on March 8, 2006