Skip

Don't they use bombs anyway?
May 4, 2006 11:43 AM   Subscribe

Al-Zarqawi can't shoot. Lynch said the images he showed indicate that al-Zarqawi "tends to have a problem" with mastering his own weapons system and with finding capable and competent aides. "Why he's their leader, I don't know."
posted by furiousxgeorge (53 comments total)

 
that's fascinating.
posted by keswick at 11:45 AM on May 4, 2006


Insert obvious analogy to current U.S. government here.
posted by JekPorkins at 11:45 AM on May 4, 2006


Well, all things being fair, he doesn't really need to shoot, does he? He has legions of devoted fans for that sort of thing.
posted by undule at 11:49 AM on May 4, 2006


Bush can't fly a plane.
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 11:55 AM on May 4, 2006


I'm glad that our new PR strategy against al-Qaeda essentially boils down to "neener neener neener".
posted by CRM114 at 11:56 AM on May 4, 2006


...or string together a coherent sentence.
posted by spazzm at 11:56 AM on May 4, 2006


Hm.

What's more, McClellan can't bullshit convincingly.
posted by Drexen at 11:56 AM on May 4, 2006


May be this has something to do with it. Or not, who can tell anymore?
posted by piscatorius at 11:57 AM on May 4, 2006


I'm glad that our new PR strategy against al-Qaeda essentially boils down to "neener neener neener".

Given the choice between a good old flamewar and hearing the word 'terrorist' again from the administration, let me be the first to call Al-Zarqawi a doodoohead.

Also, it really is genuinely funny he can't use his AK, to paraphrase Ice Cube.
posted by Ryvar at 12:01 PM on May 4, 2006


Lynch also highlighted video showing al-Zarqawi hosting a tea party for several stuffed animal friends. An outline of lacy panties was visible through al-Zarqawi's robes.
posted by brain_drain at 12:03 PM on May 4, 2006


I just don't understand how pointing out his incompetence is good propaganda for us faced with the fact that we seem totally incapable of capturing or killing him.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 12:08 PM on May 4, 2006


So you're trying to tell me there's a manufactured image of this man being refined and presented to us that is probably not remotely accurate? No fucking way!

I just don't understand how pointing out his incompetence is good propaganda for us...

Well, from the article they state these excerpts are being displayed by a Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch. I'd posit that the better question is on the flip side of that coin - why would they trim the out-takes and present him as the nefarious menace he supposedly wishes to portray? Winner!
posted by prostyle at 12:15 PM on May 4, 2006


In contrast, I hear Dick Cheney's aim is bang on.
posted by CheeseburgerBrown at 12:20 PM on May 4, 2006


Well, that's stupid. You don't need to use a gun very well to convince people to go off into battle for you.
posted by delmoi at 12:21 PM on May 4, 2006


Yeah, but he's pretty good with a pocket knife.
posted by notyou at 12:22 PM on May 4, 2006


"Why he's their leader, I don't know."

al-Zarqawi is more of a big picture guy. A vision guy. You know? Sure he can't shoot so well. Sure his other ventures failed miserably. But he is like a regular Joe - you wanna go have hummus with the guy. Not like that stuck up Osama. He is devoutly religious and believs his leadership is a mandate from heaven. And. He sticks to his principles. And that is what's important.
posted by tkchrist at 12:32 PM on May 4, 2006


Isn't al-Zarqawis leadership of the insurgency largely an American PR invention to begin with?
posted by Artw at 12:40 PM on May 4, 2006


It may be that CheeseburgerBrown has won the thread. Not saying that it's so original to make fun of Cheney but... that was pretty funny.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 12:43 PM on May 4, 2006


Isn't al-Zarqawis leadership of the insurgency largely an American PR invention to begin with?
posted by Artw at 12:40 PM PST on May 4 [!]


Could be. If so, it would not be the 1st time a government had done such.

And I've heard Al's put on weight.
posted by rough ashlar at 12:46 PM on May 4, 2006


and with finding capable and competent aides

Isn't this sort of de rigueur for evil-doers? Dolts for henchmen?

Next thing you'll know we'll find "complete video" footage of him twirling his moustache and saying mwa ha ha ha.

Loved the ducks and hunting tags, btw.
posted by Zinger at 12:53 PM on May 4, 2006


why would they trim the out-takes and present him as the nefarious menace he supposedly wishes to portray?

Because it would reflect poorly on the US military if it seemed like the guy they were searching for was a total fuckup, and they still couldn't find him.
posted by number9dream at 12:54 PM on May 4, 2006


It is important to choose real fighters as leaders because you never know what you'll need them to do.

I seem to remember a particularly brutal affair in the 80s where Reagan and Chernenko were forced to duke it out mano a mano. There was the blood, there was the rubbing of dirt in each other's faces, there was ...

Wait, that was Frankie Goes to Hollywood video.
posted by mazola at 1:05 PM on May 4, 2006


For such an incompetent guy he's done remarkably well at evading capture for.. what are we on now.. 3 years?
posted by ruthsarian at 1:07 PM on May 4, 2006


CRM114 gets it.

If the terrorists are such weirdo dark-skinned pooftahs, the Bush administration is all the more culpable for 3,000 civilian deaths on 9/11. And for their failure to catch an effete, 7-foot-tall Yemeni hiding in a cave in Pakistan.

(And y'know, PsyOps like this might have mattered three years ago. Not so much now.)
posted by bardic at 1:09 PM on May 4, 2006


Artw writes: Isn't al-Zarqawis leadership of the insurgency largely an American PR invention to begin with?

You could ask the same question about Al-Queda.
posted by bardic at 1:10 PM on May 4, 2006


Because it would reflect poorly on the US military if it seemed like the guy they were searching for was a total fuckup, and they still couldn't find him.

Well yes, it was a rhetorical question. The obvious implication being this presentation angle is a positive force in the metrics of fear that quantifies their media campaign - not that they'd look bad otherwise. I'd argue any day that the former scenario is infinitely more disturbing, and much more likely.
posted by prostyle at 1:17 PM on May 4, 2006


And I've heard Al's put on weight.

Black is such a slimming color.
posted by sfts2 at 1:25 PM on May 4, 2006


Also, it really is genuinely funny he can't use his AK, to paraphrase Ice Cube.

I gotta say it was a good day.
posted by Kwantsar at 1:44 PM on May 4, 2006


Hold on. He has two legs now?
posted by mr_roboto at 1:44 PM on May 4, 2006


"neener neener neener"


.
.
.
.
posted by a3matrix at 1:46 PM on May 4, 2006


At CENTCOM headquarters ...

GENERAL: Men, we've got to get this Al-Zackary guy. It's been going on 3 years, and he's still making videos!

INTEL OFFICER: Sir, we just don't can't get to him. Our native assets are for sh*t, and we just don't have enough folks who speak this crazy moon-talk they use here to make a difference.

PSYOP OFFICER: Hey, I've got an idea. Let's plant a story on CNN insulting his gunmanship. Maybe it will make him so mad he will make a mistake and show himself.

GENERAL: Hmm, at least that's something! Make it so!
posted by moonbiter at 2:35 PM on May 4, 2006


Maybe he's not the leader. Maybe he just signed up to be a martyr.
posted by dobie at 3:08 PM on May 4, 2006


"He has two legs now?"

He was in fact born with 3 legs, so the leg amputation story was true, Mr. Smarty pants.
posted by 2sheets at 3:10 PM on May 4, 2006


you don't bring a gun to a dirty-bomb fight

you're just askin to get your ass kicked
posted by elr at 3:23 PM on May 4, 2006


I'm not sure that a dirty bomb is all that much of a threat in an area already thoroughly contaminated by depleted uranium.
posted by Artw at 3:43 PM on May 4, 2006


a wise leader doesn't shoot off his own gun at the enemy ... or women named monica
posted by pyramid termite at 3:58 PM on May 4, 2006


Funny how the Defense Department has to have an officer of the military spend time making juvenile cuts on Zarqawi instead of asking the real questions such as: "How did he get all those American weapons and ammunition?"

The weapon Zarqawi is (mis)firing is an M249 Squad Automatic Weapon. It was made in Belgium after being rejected by American companies. I carried one for two years in the army and I also will admit I laughed when I saw it misfire for him. The M249 us a pretty well-designed weapon and doesn't jam nearly as much as the M16, nor the M60.

Well so I wonder how much air time this will take up versus Bush's gaffes.


posted by jackspace at 4:20 PM on May 4, 2006


So, one guy can't shoot straight, and the other one is hooked up to a dialysis machine. And we have the most expensive, best trained and equipped army in the world. And that army cannot find those two guys for 4 years now. Gee, I'm so proud.
posted by c13 at 4:29 PM on May 4, 2006


The Minime is used by the armed forces of many countries, so it's not necessarily a certainty that the one used was American.... unless it's a distinct variant? Very interesting point though.
posted by Artw at 4:29 PM on May 4, 2006


Minime = Minini
posted by Artw at 4:30 PM on May 4, 2006


I'm not sure that a dirty bomb is all that much of a threat in an area already thoroughly contaminated by depleted uranium.

You're not sure because you're not correct.
posted by delmoi at 6:08 PM on May 4, 2006


I once saw the Deputy Commanding Officer of an armoured regiment take a shit in the woods and get most of it in his crew suit. It ain't dexterity that makes you a great leader.
posted by furtive at 6:42 PM on May 4, 2006


Quoth CNN:

Al-Zarqawi is seen walking toward a white pickup truck in "New Balance tennis shoes"

What' s up with the "tennis shoes" angle? Why does this have a Woody Allen feel to it?
Emmanuel Goldstein meets Bananas?

God forbid that this should all be a Rendon-Lincoln production.
posted by rdone at 6:54 PM on May 4, 2006


"You, Private, ahm ...Furtive?... get over here and wipe this shit off my goddamned crew suit."

That's what makes a great leader.
posted by notyou at 6:55 PM on May 4, 2006


Big agreement, Cheeseburgerbrown for the WIN!
posted by mikojava at 7:40 PM on May 4, 2006




Maybe the reason we didn't kill Zarqawi when we had the chance was because we just felt sorry for him.
posted by homunculus at 8:10 PM on May 4, 2006


I can't believe they're focusing on the gunmanship angle and missing this more embarrassing outtake of Zarquawi from later in the video.
posted by soyjoy at 8:47 PM on May 4, 2006


This whole AK-whatever-fashion-accessory-and-phallic-symbol meme gets a big meh from me. Zarqawi's just trying to fit in with his homies, but he's no less of an untrained redneck idiot about weapons than the next third-worlder. I bet he couldn't strip and clean the damn thing if the Prophet himself, peace be upon him, told him to.
posted by pax digita at 3:33 AM on May 5, 2006


"Why he's their leader, I don't know."

And that is why you fail.

But hey, our President keeps falling off of things - bikes, Segways, the moral high ground - but he's still OUR Dear Leader.

And as for hilariously incompetent weapons-related bloopers, it's really hard to beat accidentally shooting your pal in the face.

So, Mr. Military Genius, when you get around to figuring out why Zarqawi has his minions, then maybe you could help us understand why Bush-Cheney still have millions of adoring enablers.
posted by darkstar at 6:07 AM on May 5, 2006


Ha ha! Our staged photo-ops are better than your staged photo-ops!
posted by mazola at 9:51 AM on May 5, 2006


His lackeys look like caddies on some abysmal parched golf course...

Maybe he should try clubs in Qatar?
posted by RubberHen at 10:06 PM on May 5, 2006


"Why he's their leader, I don't know....

It's because he's their photo-op.

He's their photo-op come to save the day.
posted by rougy at 7:54 AM on May 6, 2006


« Older hookworm cure asthma?   |   As Slow As Possible. Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments



Post