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OOh.. Ahh .. Ouch ... Umaga!
June 8, 2006 3:54 PM   Subscribe

New Zealand All Blacks and Hurricanes Captain Tana Umaga has been quite the news maker lately. Umaga, a hard nosed rugby player known for his fierce tackling, equipped himself with a women's handbag to beat his drunken teammate to tears while breaking up a late night fight in a Christchurch bar. Umaga then followed up the weekend be being honored by the Queen for his services to New Zealand Rugby. While it is well known that the Queen favors carrying a handbag, it was not revealed if that weighed into her decision to give Umaga the honor.

Trying to cash in on Umaga mania, the young lady who owned the bag sold it on trademe.co.nz for $22,000 NZ. While the bar owner launched a failed attempt at selling the security video of the incident. Not wanting to be left out Chris Masoe, who was hit with the bag is rumored to be considering selling the napkins he used to whip the tears from his eyes in order to raise funds to pay off the fine he received for the incident. There is still no word yet from the NZRFU as to whether or not the All Blacks will incorporate overhead handbag smashing motion into the newest version of the Haka.
posted by remo (38 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
maybe a little less jokey editorializing on the front page...
posted by jonson at 4:00 PM on June 8, 2006


< lady bracknell> With a HAND-bag? < /lady bracknell>
posted by yoink at 4:04 PM on June 8, 2006


cool, they have a new haka.
posted by -harlequin- at 4:10 PM on June 8, 2006


Metafilter: a little less jokey editorializing on the front page please.......

I had a feeling it would not take someone long to criticize the post and I was correct. I apologize for damaging your sensibilities with my post. Please feel free to ignore it and go back to your favorite news/bush/politico post.
posted by remo at 4:11 PM on June 8, 2006


Yoink,

Yeah, the new haka has been a bit controversial. The British Media field day calling the throat slitting motion offensive.
posted by remo at 4:15 PM on June 8, 2006


Maybe a little less on the front page.... This FPP takes up 3/4 of my screen. But you get precious points for defending it as being a remedy to newsfilter-- which basically is what this is. Interesting newsfilter nonetheless.
posted by bardic at 4:15 PM on June 8, 2006


Whoops meant -harlequin- but, you get the idea.
posted by remo at 4:16 PM on June 8, 2006


Bardic,

True enough, it is newsy but, never claimed it wasn't (Just a break from the normal newsfilter stuff). I had a feeling I should have done the whole more inside thing.... my bad. Was just trying to add something a little bit light hearted.

Anyway, I knew full well I would most likely recieve the wrath of the Post Police regardless of what I posted. Been a member forever and somethings never change I guess. I will leave the posting to the professionals from now on!
posted by remo at 4:23 PM on June 8, 2006


"I apologize for damaging your sensibilities with my post. Please feel free to ignore it and go back to your favorite news/bush/politico post."

*whistle on the play*

-1 point for the overly large post. -50 points for general dickiness.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:25 PM on June 8, 2006


Remo,

Actually, I thought the same question that harlequin asked, so that's o.k.

It's a bit of a shock to see that new haka. I'd heard about it, but not seen it before. Getting worked up about supposed "throat slitting" gestures seems extra double plus stupid.

Still, I do think that there's something lopsided about the All Blacks getting to do their haka and the other team just having to stand there and watch. There is an element of psychological gamesmanship there (intended or not) which puts the All Blacks in a position of dominance before the match even starts. I wonder why other teams don't develop something to reply with--like singing the national anthem by themselves (or some other song) or what have you. The Aussies could probably come up with some Aborigine challenge/welcome like the haka, and the South Africans would have a range of different native traditions to draw on etc.

On preview: why doesn't someone set up a separate site (BitchFilter? FPPSucksFilter?) where all anybody does is point out the deficiency of the posts to the mainpage? I guess it would be largely redundant...
posted by yoink at 4:31 PM on June 8, 2006


*whistle on the play*

-1 point for the overly large post. -50 points for general dickiness.


Was just being sarky to the inevitable post criticism I knew was coming. Was not trying to be malicious at all, it's just my sense of humour which may or may not rub some people the wrong way.
posted by remo at 4:35 PM on June 8, 2006


Don't rub me the wrong way, or I'll hit you with my (borrowed) purse.

the circle is now complete
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:37 PM on June 8, 2006


South Africans would have a range of different native traditions to draw on etc.

Ja boet - I suggest the toyi-toyi.
posted by Flashman at 4:44 PM on June 8, 2006


Still, I do think that there's something lopsided about the All Blacks getting to do their haka and the other team just having to stand there and watch. There is an element of psychological gamesmanship there (intended or not) which puts the All Blacks in a position of dominance before the match even starts. I wonder why other teams don't develop something to reply with--like singing the national anthem by themselves (or some other song) or what have you.

During the British and Irish Lions tour from last year, when they played the All Blacks, Lions captain Brian O'Driscoll responded to the haka by picking up a blade of grass and throwing it away. This was interpreted by some as dismissing or rejecting the haka, by others as "accepting the challenge" in the spirit of fair play.

Subsequently, after a scrum and play moving on, O'Driscoll was lifted by Tana Umaga and Kevin Mealamu, one leg apiece, spread and then speared into the ground head-first. He left the game with a badly dislocated shoulder.

You may draw your own conclusions as to why other players choose to stand there and take it.
posted by Errant at 4:46 PM on June 8, 2006


Still, I do think that there's something lopsided about the All Blacks getting to do their haka and the other team just having to stand there and watch. There is an element of psychological gamesmanship there

Agreed it gives the All Blacks an Advantage. Though I have noticed some teams have taken counter measures against it.

Wales had the All Blacks perform it before the National Anthems, eliminating the advantage of doing it right before kick off.

Ireland locks shoulders and gets right in their face and stares them down.

Fiji, does their own version of a hake exactly as the All Blacks do theirs

David Campese of Australia just ignored it and went about kicking a ball around with his back turned.

Here is a good article that mentions what teams have done to counteract the haka as well as some haka protocall
posted by remo at 4:48 PM on June 8, 2006


I heard O'Driscoll contacted some Maori elders on what the proper protocall was for the haka. The elders told him that picking up a blade of grass would mean 'we come in peace". Of course Umaga and Mealamu had other ideas....
posted by remo at 4:52 PM on June 8, 2006


Don't rub me the wrong way, or I'll hit you with my (borrowed) purse.

the circle is now complete


hehe, well played.
posted by remo at 4:56 PM on June 8, 2006


The Aussies could probably come up with some Aborigine challenge/welcome like the haka

Now, *that* would be funny. I can't claim to know every aboriginal dance, but I'm sure I've never seen any that look even the tiniest bit intimidating. They are more about telling dreamtime stories, imitating animals & so on, as opposed to the obviously martial haka. Endearing as they are, frill-necked lizards running around manically on their hind legs probably just won't cut it in the fear stakes.

Apart from that, very few top aussie players have any aboriginal blood in them at all, whereas the all blacks are probably at least 50% maori at any point in time, so it makes more sense for them to do a traditional dance.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:29 PM on June 8, 2006


"the young lady who owned the bag" link seems to go to the same place as the "honored by the Queen" link.
posted by ktoad at 5:52 PM on June 8, 2006


Unless somehow...the Queen is the young lady in question? THAT would be amazing.

Headline: NZ All Blacks Captain Clubs Coworker Carrying Queen's Clutch -- Crikey!
posted by ktoad at 5:54 PM on June 8, 2006


"the young lady who owned the bag" link seems to go to the same place as the "honored by the Queen" link.

Whoops my bad the here is the correct link with updated sale price.
posted by remo at 5:55 PM on June 8, 2006


Here's video of an All Blacks v. Tonga match where both teams did a haka.
posted by tetsuo at 6:12 PM on June 8, 2006


I'm still waiting for the day where Ireland does Riverdance before the kick-off.

I'd be intimidated plenty.
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 7:02 PM on June 8, 2006


Team sports are all kind of girly anyway.

Athletes who need to hide within a team to cover their insecurities.
posted by HTuttle at 7:11 PM on June 8, 2006


Here's another article on haka responses (related to tetsuo's link).
heehee: "Ireland linked arms and marched into their opponents chanting "You'll never beat the Irish" before a 1989 Test in Dublin. Ireland lost 23-6."
posted by tellurian at 8:03 PM on June 8, 2006


Wait... too long? But single link posts are too short? What is the exact length of, and number of links in, a post to satisfy jonson and bardic?
posted by pivotal at 8:08 PM on June 8, 2006


Nice post. First time I'd seen the new haka, it's a goodie! Do we have a translation somewhere? It's nice and aggressive. Umaga looks like a girl though, handbag or not.
posted by wilful at 8:11 PM on June 8, 2006


Too long? Yup.
One link? No problems there.
Sportsfilter? Blech.
posted by mischief at 8:14 PM on June 8, 2006


Tana Umaga's a stand up guy and I hate that's wrapped up in this non-story. Once in 2003 against the All Blacks, a Welsh player, Colin Charvis, was knocked out after a particularly hard tackle. Tana stopped playing, went over to Charvis and made sure he didn't swallow his mouth guard. It might seem like a little thing, but rugby is a sport where play usually continues, even if a man is down on the field and receiving medical attention. All in all, a class act.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:26 PM on June 8, 2006


Fuck man, I love rugby.

Thanks.
posted by Smedleyman at 8:28 PM on June 8, 2006


I don't follow rugby and I didn't know these dudes did a haka, how weird and awesome and kinda weak at the same time. I love it.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:47 PM on June 8, 2006


Here is a Scottish haka.
posted by alteredcarbon at 9:25 PM on June 8, 2006


And, if anyone's interested in what asinine stupidity looks like, here's a link to the original auction.
posted by Sonny Jim at 12:12 AM on June 9, 2006


The allblacks visited my high school. Pro rugby players are huge. Two of our grade 12 team's forwards stuck together were smaller than their smallest guy.
posted by juv3nal at 12:26 AM on June 9, 2006


They did the regular Haka at Murrayfield last autumn (without the throat slitting) and I have to say I was blown away by Umaga even though NZ did let off the gas a bit in the second half (but I reckon the Scots still gave them a wee fright).
posted by bouncebounce at 12:50 AM on June 9, 2006


Seriously juv3nal, you could make a good case for professional rugby players being the great all-round athletes of our times. They have to be fast, agile, strong, and last a 90 minute game, with a long season of peak performances and a need for team playing, strategic thinking and individual brilliance. They don't get to specialise to the same extent as American football players.

And I say this as a traumatised musical child who left the New Zealand school system with an abiding hatred of sport and a blank incomprehension of why anyone might give a shit about it. My secret hope is that the All Blacks will enter a long losing streak, lasting decades, enabling New Zealand to shake off the oppressive yoke of our secular religion and pay attention to other things in life.

Oh yeah, they even have rhythym.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:34 AM on June 9, 2006


Tana Umaga's a stand up guy and I hate that's wrapped up in this non-story.

I thought so too until that tackle. Now, I don't think so.
posted by dmt at 2:50 AM on June 9, 2006


Haka 'discussion'
posted by Tuatara at 6:48 AM on June 9, 2006


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