High Tech Toilet Paper

January 16, 2001 4:24 PM

High Tech Toilet Paper - "After top-secret tests in consumers' homes, company officials believe they've got a hit on their hands." Apparently most consumers prefer bath tissue which is slightly soggy. I really had no idea. Do people really do this?
posted by y6y6y6 (31 comments total)

The company surveyed 2,000 consumers and found that 63 percent of them occasionally used something wet - often a baby wipe or regular toilet paper sprinkled with water - after going to the toilet. About a quarter did it daily.

Where did they find these consumers?!?!? regular toilet paper sprinkled with water???
posted by Neb at 4:29 PM on January 16, 2001

Yeah, that is strange... I personally use Puffs with sprinkled water to finish up.
posted by jessie at 4:31 PM on January 16, 2001

I find it hard to believe the average person wants or needs this. If you had some sort of health condition (ruffbuttitis or somesuch), then maybe. Otherwise... sorry. I'm pretty sure we've already reached apex of toilet paper research.

Could someone with a moist posterior please explain?
posted by fleener at 4:35 PM on January 16, 2001

New ad campaign: Please don't DRIP the Charmin?

Gross.
posted by gramcracker at 4:38 PM on January 16, 2001

I don't moisten my toilet tissue, but I'm kind of intrigued.

Caution: the following may be more then you want to visualize...

I've had one too many mornings after a night of super-suicide wings not to be.


posted by cCranium at 4:47 PM on January 16, 2001

Could someone with a moist posterior please explain?

Without going into TOO much detail, I refer you to the poopie list. See entry for wet poopie. Moist towelettes (Wet Ones and such), are a lifesaver in those situations, cutting wiping down considerably.

How's that for more-than-you-want-to-visualize? Sorry.
posted by smeat at 5:04 PM on January 16, 2001

Fleener: If the benefits of a moist finish line has to be explained to you, don't worry about it.
posted by jessie at 5:10 PM on January 16, 2001

They sell a product like that for use on babies, and have for years. Sorry, I don't remember the brandname. It's held in a plastic container and pops up. Inside it's wet, and as long as you close it afterwards it won't dry out. The tissues are much stronger so that they don't fall apart.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 5:18 PM on January 16, 2001

Linda Bartelt, president of the company's wet wipes sector

If I collected business cards, Ms. Bartelt's would be my most prized possession.
posted by JDC8 at 5:21 PM on January 16, 2001

When I was in the Army, a package of baby wipes was essential equipment on field exercises. One of my roommates started using them exclusively.

I didn't like them as much as he did, but I can see the appeal. They don't flush so well, though.
posted by Jart at 6:02 PM on January 16, 2001

This IS intriguing. Everyone has a different term for this item. Bath tissue, toilet paper, toilet tissue. Or, as I like to call it, "useless."
posted by Doug at 6:55 PM on January 16, 2001

I have to admit...i wouldn't buy wet wipes...but having them available is one of my favorite parts about visiting my parents house. Don't knock it till ya try it.
posted by th3ph17 at 7:03 PM on January 16, 2001

Do they really call them "super-suicide wings?"
posted by Wizzle at 9:47 PM on January 16, 2001

It's not TP dunked in water, it's some sort of aloe lotion or something. You've been able to buy them in supermarkets for a while now, but they come in little boxes, sort of like Wet Ones. They're right next to the TP. I believe they're labelled "Personal Wipes."
posted by aaron at 10:15 PM on January 16, 2001

That reminds me of "moist towelettes."
And that, in turn reminds me of "finger lickin' good."

posted by Wizzle at 10:40 PM on January 16, 2001

At a previous job (actually a company owned by Halliburton, Dicky Cheney's former employer) the company was sooo cheap that they only purchased John Wayne Toilet Paper ("It's rough, it's tough and it don't take sh*t off nobody"). After a few experiences in the restroom that required many yards of TP to clean the posterior I took to using personal wipes. It was that or be rubbed raw.

At first I kept this a top secret, but then I let a few trusted co-workers in on the secret. Eventually, most of the creative staff was using PW's and would lend boxes to each other in case of an emergency.

Now I work from home and use real multi-ply TP.
posted by DragonBoy at 10:54 PM on January 16, 2001

Now, where did I put that "Worst Thread Ever" t-shirt?
posted by Optamystic at 11:30 PM on January 16, 2001

My parents switched over to Charmin Plus (the kind with aloe) years ago. It actually had its own brand name then; I think it became Charmin during one of the Supermegacorp Inc. reshufflings in the 90s. I don't use it regularly myself, but I can see the appeal -- especially when things are, um, sensitive, say from sitting around coding 36 hours straight.

I think the majority demographic will probably be Boomers and older. I didn't care when I was younger, either.
posted by dhartung at 1:17 AM on January 17, 2001

they've got a hit on their hands
personally, I always attempt to avoid that.
posted by quonsar at 5:37 AM on January 17, 2001

Do they really call them "super-suicide wings?"

At one place I've gone on a semi-regular basis, yeah. Sure, it doesn't make sense, but then neither does actually eating the damn things. <grin>
posted by cCranium at 6:09 AM on January 17, 2001

My favorite place for wings, Quaker Steak and Lube in Sharon, Pennsylvania, has a thermonuclear wing that requires one to sign a release form before they will bring them to you. And like cC, the day after wings is the day when I am glad that I keep a small container of Tucks under the sink.
posted by terrapin at 8:27 AM on January 17, 2001

I was wondering if someone was going to mention Charmin Plus... I can just see this survey:

[ man walks through mall ]

[ young woman walks up to him with clipboard ]

"Pardon me, sir..."

"Yes?"

"I'm doing a consumer survey, and I wonder if I could take a few minutes of your time to ask you what you wipe with?"

"Wipe...?"

"Yes, sir, you know.. um... 'wipe'."

"My glasses?"

"No, sir, um... well, your... um... your ass, sir."
posted by baylink at 10:06 AM on January 17, 2001

Too much information, waaaaay too much information...
posted by Avogadro at 10:34 AM on January 17, 2001

Don't know what's new or remarkable about this. Wet toilet paper (Wetties, or whatever supermarket's own brand) has been available in my country for years and many people use it. It's sold in plastic boxes. If you're ever in Amsterdam, drop by my place and try some.

posted by prolific at 10:39 AM on January 17, 2001

... and to further freak you out, the other (Indonesian) side of my family is prone to using a 'botol tjebok', a bottle of water placed in the toilet, to wash their bum properly. Some Dutch people have picked up this habit from their association with Indonesians, though not very many. My dad for instance.
posted by prolific at 10:44 AM on January 17, 2001

Having just spent several weeks in Nepal, I now appreciate having paper, let alone moist (I hate that word) paper. It's amazing how you suddenly get used to eating only with your right hand (I'll spare you the details, this thread is gross enough already).
posted by Markb at 1:41 PM on January 17, 2001

I would like to formally apologize. I didn't think this would degenerate to the point where people would actually begin describing how they use their bare hand to ...... AAAAHHH!!!!!!!
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:40 PM on January 17, 2001

I think you mispelt "yeeeaaaagggghhhhhh!!!"

:-)

I'm a bit surprised no one in this otherwise cosmopolitan crowd has mentioned bidets yet.
posted by baylink at 7:22 PM on January 17, 2001

"You mean the water fountain in French bathrooms? Yeah, why's it on the floor? I almost hurt my neck getting a drink." Biddy-bum.biddy-bum.

The affluence of the 90s has led to a lot of interest in home gadgets, including the bidet. Plus health issues, travel, and immigration are changing attitudes.

(Along the way I came across this link: America's First Toilet Paper Shortage.)
posted by dhartung at 11:29 PM on January 17, 2001

I think it would be lovely to have a bidet, especially as it would mean my bathroom would have to be that much larger. The mini-bidet mentioned in your link, dhartung, sounds unlovely to me, as a) it requires no extra floor space and b) I'm not prepared to modify my notion of how a toilet should behave. Water in the toilet should not rise up from below, and that's that.
posted by redfoxtail at 5:47 AM on January 18, 2001

Mini-bidet's come standard on most Japanese Super Toilets. You know, the kinds with heated seats, air dryers for after the bidet, and a built in sink in which you can use the water for the next flush to wash your hands?
posted by Neb at 10:40 PM on January 18, 2001