"I f&$$^&d Nicole Ritchie."

July 20, 2006 1:46 PM

"Not today, sir, probably not tomorrow":Alternatively titled "Me and My Shadow, Part I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX"; the long, touching, interesting, hilarious, disturbing story of how 'Jay' kicked his drug habit, written by 'Silent Bob', aka Kevin Smith.
posted by docgonzo (101 comments total)

holy christ, not again.

can we declare a moratorium on kevin smith posts for, like, ever?
posted by Hat Maui at 1:55 PM on July 20, 2006

*sigh*
Yes, Kevin, we understand that you're not gay for Jay. But honestly, the more you talk about how in love with someone in a perfectly normal, hetersexualway, no gay love here damnit, the more we a) have to wonder b) not really give a damn.
posted by lekvar at 1:55 PM on July 20, 2006

We don't do Kevin Sm... Aw, fuck it.
posted by Cyrano at 2:00 PM on July 20, 2006

Man this guy loves the sound of his own voice....his own plan at the outset had this thing at 4 parts.

Brevity, sir, is the soul of wit. Or something.
posted by nevercalm at 2:00 PM on July 20, 2006

Or, you could read it.
posted by grubi at 2:01 PM on July 20, 2006

This was linked in the comments from yesterday's post. I'm not particularl llooking forward to another "KVN SMTH SUX" "NO HE DSNT!" thread, so I'm gonna vote for deletion.
posted by piratebowling at 2:04 PM on July 20, 2006

PS, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, I rea it yesterday when it was linked. I just don't want to see the same thread happen again.
posted by piratebowling at 2:04 PM on July 20, 2006

I have read it. It's too long.
posted by nevercalm at 2:08 PM on July 20, 2006

C'mon grubi, love/hate aside, there doesn't need to be two threads about him on the front page.
posted by Gator at 2:10 PM on July 20, 2006

I'm sure that two Kevin Smith posts in the same week, much less than in 48 hours, makes the Baby Jesus cry.

Besides, that looks like it will take a hell of a long time to read, which could make the Baby Jesus need reading glasses.
posted by willmize at 2:13 PM on July 20, 2006

Actually, this makes the Buddy Jesus cry.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:14 PM on July 20, 2006 [2 favorites]

Less Kevin Smith. Isn't there some new report about evolution and religion or the Middle East we can put on the front page?
posted by Falconetti at 2:15 PM on July 20, 2006

The more of Kevin Smith I see, the less and less I like him. I liked Clerks, I liked Chasing Amy, I liked Dogma. But I have grown tired of him, he's really just not that clever or funny.

Falconetti, I came across one about homosexuality being the reason for the renewed violence, you want to talk about that one?
posted by fenriq at 2:20 PM on July 20, 2006

I just finished reading this from the post below, and I did find it pretty relevant and interesting, but that post sort of had its own thing going on, and I really didn't feel like anyone wanted to talk about a nine-part series on drug addiction.

It was a worthwhile read for me, since the first bits of it parallel a lot of actions I've seen taken on the part of some of my friends, and to see not only how drawn out the recovery process was, along with the present outcome, was intense.
posted by redsparkler at 2:22 PM on July 20, 2006

I'm going to assume that all the snarkers in this thread haven't actually put the time in to read the thing. It's the most sincere and real thing that Kevin Smith has ever written.
posted by empath at 2:36 PM on July 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

...I'm gonna vote for deletion.

Where do you think you are, Wikipedia?
posted by muddgirl at 2:36 PM on July 20, 2006

It's the most sincere and real thing that Kevin Smith has ever written.

I dunno, did you read his run on Green Arrow? It was utter crap, but it was very sincere.
posted by lumpenprole at 2:41 PM on July 20, 2006

It's the most sincere and real thing that Kevin Smith has ever written.

C'mere, you gotta see this, it's a perfectly smooth turd. The smoothest turd ever!
posted by stinkycheese at 2:45 PM on July 20, 2006 [4 favorites]

Isn't there some new report about evolution and religion or the Middle East we can put on the front page? - Falconetti

There's plenty of that on the front page every day for years. If you want it, go get it.
posted by raedyn at 2:51 PM on July 20, 2006

Fine, muddgirl, if you want to get all picky, "I'm gonna flag this as noise." Better?
posted by piratebowling at 2:51 PM on July 20, 2006

can we declare a moratorium on kevin smith posts for, like, ever? - Hat Maui

You could declare a moratorium on reading them & posting in them, if it bothers you that much. It's not like there's been thousands of them or something.

On the actual topic of the FPP, it will take me a while to read it, so I won't be able to actually comment on the link until later. (Ever noticed that the discussions get a lot better further down the thread? Once the me-first not-reading-the-link shitting-on-it commenters have had their 2 cents, and those that are interested in an actual conversation have had a chance to read the link? Me too.)
posted by raedyn at 2:54 PM on July 20, 2006

I actively dislike Kevin Smith, and I thought that was pretty good.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:54 PM on July 20, 2006

Who hasn't fucked Nicole Richie?

(Other than Kevin Smith?)
posted by bardic at 2:58 PM on July 20, 2006

(still in part one, but how do you suppose Mewes feels about all these private details being public aired by his buddy?)
posted by raedyn at 2:59 PM on July 20, 2006

That was really interesting, and I would never have seen it if it hadn't been on the front page, since I thought better of bothering with the 'here's why I am right and I win!' oppositional, pseudo-competitive crap in the other Smith thread. So thanks, for posting it, docgonzo!
posted by terpsichoria at 3:01 PM on July 20, 2006

raedyn, just because you're totally content to have the front page be all kevin smith all the time doesn't make me a dick for not wanting that.
posted by Hat Maui at 3:01 PM on July 20, 2006

Don't be daft, Hat Maui. I don't want an all-Kevin-Smith front page any more than you do. Two posts does not cover the whole page.
posted by raedyn at 3:05 PM on July 20, 2006

While my dislike of Smith isn't quite as active as Mayor Curley's, what he said.

Smith's a better man than I.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:05 PM on July 20, 2006

So fucking Nicole Richie is what passes for recovery, these days? Is there a 12-step program for Chlamydia, now?

/snark

I wondered about Mewes' reaction to this, myself... but it's actually a pretty compassionate, unflinching look at a bleak life, once you get past the author. And ultimately heroic, I suppose, if ones can overlook the Nicole Richie angle.

But I would imagine that Smith probably ran this by Mewes first. He's been in the business too long to think he can ambush his friends without consequence.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:06 PM on July 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

empath, I started to read it, after scrolling through all the crap on top of the page and then I realized that I find his writing to be awfully fucking pretentious. It drips condescension to me, not sincerity.

And his insistence at using hetero this and that is annoying as hell. We get it, you don't want the world to think the two of you have sex, that's fine, move on. Or better yet, go on Oprah, she's all we're not gay right now too.
posted by fenriq at 3:06 PM on July 20, 2006

Is he implying that people shouldn't just care about the fact that somebody fucked Nicole Ritchie? Because that is all I care about.
posted by ND¢ at 3:12 PM on July 20, 2006

You know who else hasn't fucked Nicole Richie?

Aw, forget it. Just kill the thread already!
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:34 PM on July 20, 2006

/tries to formulate joke involving fucking Nicole Richie, Hitler, and the phrase "free mustache rides," fails.
posted by bardic at 3:40 PM on July 20, 2006

Landis looks set to wear yellow along the Champs Elysée... unless he goes and headbutts Pereira, of course.
posted by docgonzo at 3:45 PM on July 20, 2006

D'oh. Wrong thread. oops.
posted by docgonzo at 3:45 PM on July 20, 2006

That's what you think.
posted by Gator at 3:46 PM on July 20, 2006

Cool post. I liked it.
posted by Jeremy at 3:46 PM on July 20, 2006

I read this last night from the comment in the previous thread. It's a great story. I was moved.

still in part one, but how do you suppose Mewes feels about all these private details being public aired by his buddy?

from reading the entire story, I get the idea that Smith and Mewes are pretty close, and something like this doesn't go public without a lot of talking about it between friends. heck, Smith mentions in the story a couple of times how much he and Jason walk and talk and talk and walk and sit and talk, etc. they're the best of friends, and they've both been through a lot.

Smith has hinted at Mewes' drug problems in the past. In the commentary for, uh, maybe Chasing Amy Smith wonders if Jason is narcoleptic. Ben Affleck chimes in with, "That's not narcolepsy." on An Evening With Kevin Smith they skirt the issue while answering a straightforward question from the audience about Mewes' and heroin. I just watched it again today after reading the article, and the background from the story gave that particular bit a whole new spin.

in fact, a lot of these stories that Smith tells (via commentaries, college Q&As, the press, etc.) are well-scripted and planned out ahead. he calls them 'bits.' I recognize a few of them word-for-word in this story from various movie commentaries and AEWKS. his ability to deftly field questions and criticisms with wit and panache is apparent in AEWKS, and I get the idea that he's prepared like he is because he's very involved with his fanbase. which is kinda cool.

anyway, it's a great story of friendship, addiction, and how life can be hard (even for those on the silver screen) and it's worth a read. it fills in a lot of questions from AEWKS, too, if you've seen that and were wondering.
posted by carsonb at 3:50 PM on July 20, 2006

I'm only about halfway through reading this, but it's great. I never would have seen it if it weren't a FPP. Thank you.
posted by Marla Singer at 3:59 PM on July 20, 2006

And his insistence at using hetero this and that is annoying as hell. We get it, you don't want the world to think the two of you have sex, that's fine, move on.

Smith's not gay, but his brother is. he says hetero life mate and shit like that 'cause it's good for a laugh and it rankles hides like yours, not because he's insecure.
posted by carsonb at 4:01 PM on July 20, 2006

I remember hearing what I suppose is an anecdotal story of most heroin addicts being addicted for 4-5 years and then stopping on their own. That is if you let them run out their course they will eventually stop in that time frame. Has anyone heard this before?
posted by geoff. at 4:15 PM on July 20, 2006

Whew! I just read the whole thing. Not enjoyable, per se, but interesting and honest.
posted by milovoo at 4:17 PM on July 20, 2006

*tries to kill the thread*
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 4:26 PM on July 20, 2006

^^ Paris Hilton warning ^^

It's not stunningly written, but it's honest.
posted by raedyn at 4:30 PM on July 20, 2006

Alright, I have a lot of issues with Smith as a filmmaker (tho I'd probably get along with just fine in person), but this a really great story.

It's really worth a read. If you've ever had to deal with Junkies in your life, you'll recognize all the parts.
posted by lumpenprole at 4:32 PM on July 20, 2006

I found the story interesting and thoughtfully written. Like him or not, Kevin Smith works harder on the toilet than Paris Hilton has since conception. Suck it, haters!
posted by CynicalKnight at 4:36 PM on July 20, 2006

I read this yesterday after it was posted in the other thread. It was compelling, but I'm also in the pro-Smith camp.

But good use of the snootchiebootchies tag.
posted by padraigin at 4:55 PM on July 20, 2006

carsonb, excellent, write in such a manner as to irritate your audience! Its a great way to get fans! It doesn't rankle me hide, it makes me close the window on his site.

When people want to make a point about a love being platonic they usually say something like "love him like a brother" instead of hetero love. But it just goes to his overall pretension that all things Kevin Smith are wittier and cleverer and funnier than ordinary mortals could possibly understand. That shit gets old in about a paragraph.
posted by fenriq at 5:09 PM on July 20, 2006

Nicole Ritchie is hot.
posted by oncogenesis at 5:09 PM on July 20, 2006

I read this about a month ago, and it's a really good read, and not really dependent on whether you like or dislike Kevin Smith.
posted by Bugbread at 5:10 PM on July 20, 2006

Put me down with the folks that read this when it was linked from the other thread. Maybe I'm in deep denial about the work I am supposed to be doing, but I couldn't stop but read it all.

I am not a hater or a fanboy of Kevin Smith's, but the first movie I saw of his was Dogma, and I was floored by Jason Mewes. See, I had a friend in undergrad who was exactly like Jay (which, from reading the long story, turns out to be just Jason as himself) -- physically, they could have been brothers, in terms of psychology and humor, they were identical twins. Although M, as far as I know, never became a junkie, he had a number of dark years in deep depression.
posted by bumpkin at 5:16 PM on July 20, 2006

Having not seen this in whatever other tread, thanks. I met Kevin Smith at a Q&A a couple years ago, and he told some of this stuff to the audience, but not all of it. Even if you don't like Kevin Smith, it's certainly a study in not giving up on people.
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:18 PM on July 20, 2006

This was an interesting read, whether you like Kevin Smith or not. Which I don't. Still, interesting.
posted by interrobang at 5:51 PM on July 20, 2006

Kevin Smith is R. Kelly?
posted by chachee at 6:02 PM on July 20, 2006

I stumbled across Kevin's blog the day he posted part II and I checked back religiously until it was complete. Very compelling.
posted by Mitheral at 7:21 PM on July 20, 2006

It's viral marketing!!!!11
posted by melt away at 7:26 PM on July 20, 2006

Mitheral, so Kevin Smith IS your God?
posted by fenriq at 7:30 PM on July 20, 2006

I read this as Kevin first posted it, the fact that he stuck by his friend, and helped him get off of all that crap is one of the main reasons I like Kevin. He's someone I could see hanging out with as he's just like my friends. I don't get that feeling from any other movie writer or director.
posted by SuzySmith at 7:30 PM on July 20, 2006

This certainly seems to mostly be about a couple of close friends, one who happens to be a filmmaker and the other a drug addict. The filmmaker just happened to actually want to help his drug addicted friend, and thankfully the friend was ultimately willing to get some help.

I think the snarking against may indicate that we have lots of readers and maybe even some writers for Overrated. (Which from what I can tell is, well, overrated. But I think snarking is overrated, so... I'm probably not the best to judge. Oh, and I'm old.)
posted by smallerdemon at 8:13 PM on July 20, 2006

After reading the whole...thing...

Fuck you, whiners. This isn't a Kevin Smith post, it's a Jason Mewes post. RTFA before you smoke the cock of internet-based false sense-of-worth.

Now that that is out of my system: wow. This, if it wasn't on Smith's blog, would have gotten critical acclaim from all of you. You should read it, if you can open your mind a little.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:29 PM on July 20, 2006

This just makes it all the more clear how difficult life is for people with successful careers in the entertainment industry.

I was sitting in my lavish home in the Hollywood Hills the other day when my best bud looked up from a mountain of blow and said "you know, things are just diffficult for me." I totally knew what he was saying because after I made my first $20 million, I had no idea how I could cope in the world when there is so much pain and suffering. Later, we discussed our difficult childhoods and rolled around for a while in all of my money. It's amazing the way that we keep our spirits up even with our various susbstance abuse problems.
posted by Mid at 8:49 PM on July 20, 2006

"I promise, I'll never lie to you again."

The critics of this post have either not read it in its entirety, or lead perfect lives with perfect friends and perfect families.

I've seen all of Mr. Smith's films except Strikes Back and have enjoyed them, but have not found them exceptional. This story, on the other hand, may be his best work. Not for what he has done, as he admits it was little, if at all productive, but for why he continues to do it. This is a story about how to be a friend, and how to create a family. From that we might learn. Quite a bit. Snootch.
posted by Toekneesan at 9:01 PM on July 20, 2006

A riveting drama about Addiction and Co-dependency! Two Thumbs Up!

Seriously, its good. Addiction is the same, weather you have money or not. If you've dealt with, or know people who have dealt with serious addictions, this is a very moving story.
posted by svenni at 9:18 PM on July 20, 2006

I don't think Lionel would find this very amusing.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:23 PM on July 20, 2006

“You memorized ALL the lines in the script?!?!”
“Even the girl parts.”
“What’re you, fucking ‘Rain Man’?! Why’d you memorize the whole goddamn script?!”
“I don’t wanna piss off that Rickman dude.”

¸.·´¯)¸.·´¯)Great Post!!-Perfect 100%!- Would Read Again! - THANKS!!! ¸.·´¯)¸.·´¯)--
posted by HyperBlue at 10:11 PM on July 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

Great link. Riveting story. Smith may not be your favorite director or writer or actor or whatever but he certainly is an incredibly loyal friend. He was a gigantic enabler for a long time too but he did it out of love and a true desire to see his "kid" get well.

This just makes it all the more clear how difficult life is for people with successful careers in the entertainment industry.

I was sitting in my lavish home in the Hollywood Hills the other day when my best bud looked up from a mountain of blow and said "you know, things are just diffficult for me." I totally knew what he was saying because after I made my first $20 million, I had no idea how I could cope in the world when there is so much pain and suffering. Later, we discussed our difficult childhoods and rolled around for a while in all of my money. It's amazing the way that we keep our spirits up even with our various susbstance abuse problems.

Yeah, I hear spending every dime you have on heroin after watching your junkie mother die of AIDS doesn't hurt at all once you've been profiled on Entertainment Tonight.
posted by LeeJay at 10:21 PM on July 20, 2006

KS exploited his retarded friend to make himself a hero and to make some so so movies except for clerks which is his only good movie. I never like him as a human being and now after reading the whole thing, I really don't like him. The most on point thing in the entire story is the admission clerk that ask why ks made his retarded friend a stoner /dealer in his movies if he was trying to cure his drug problem. You can tell he got off on his friend's destructive behavior, and feed it from the beginning. He is much gayer than most openly gays and a lot less funny and clever than he thinks he is. I guess on balance you can put on the anti-ks side.
posted by zackdog at 11:19 PM on July 20, 2006

i'm a huge asshole etc.
posted by zackdog at 11:19 PM PST on July 20 [+fave] [!]
posted by jimmy at 11:21 PM on July 20, 2006 [3 favorites]

this is like the red-state blue-state divide. we need colors. think kevin smith is to directing what paris hilton is to good taste? you're on the green team.

think smith is NOT just some lucky gloating rube who owes it all to imminent death syndrome? clearly, this must be the brown team.
posted by Hat Maui at 12:08 AM on July 21, 2006

Yeah, it's interesting, but it needs some heavy editing, which is to say it suffers from a fault common to nearly all blog posts (my own included).

Smith seems to commit himself so totally to his friends that he cannot view them with any objectivity. Not only can he not stand to see them criticized, but he embarrasses himself and them with gushing praise and a tendency to croon over even the most commonplace of actions.

For example: I didn't need a paragraph to explain the origin of 'snootchie bootchies'. This guy fusses over Mewes' least idiosyncracies like a new mother over her first child's nappies.

But for all that, I'm happy Mewes made it.

Also, for some reason, in my head this tale was narrated in the voice of Jay Peterman from Seinfeld.
posted by Ritchie at 12:20 AM on July 21, 2006

This made me realize that Kevin Smith is actually a good writer.
posted by stavrogin at 12:36 AM on July 21, 2006

I can't believe this wasn't a double. I was so sure that I'd seen it here! I read it part by part when he originally wrote it, and thought it was fantastic then, and still think it's fantastic now. I think I'd been reading a similar junkie story at the same time, so it was a bit of a "junkie story overdose", but incredibly heartfelt and a bit crazily detailed. How the hell did he remember all those specific details? I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

Oh wait! It was a bbq chicken and bacon panini. Mmmmm, panini.
posted by antifuse at 12:37 AM on July 21, 2006

Damn you mefi kids are whinery bastards. What a bunch of pretentious bitches crying about how Kevin Smith is such a shitty writer/shitty director/shitty person/shitty human. I read it and thought it was a touching compelling story about two friends that have made it through the belly of the beast, intact to some degree.

Oh, and I found the description of Mewes fellating everything in the rec room so funny I had to actually get up from my desk and take a walk lest I break into laughter distracting everyone in the office. Damn kids, lighten up.

It was an excellent read, thanks docgonzo, I'da missed it if it hadn't been a FPP.
posted by crunchyk9 at 1:04 AM on July 21, 2006

Very interesting story, i didn't do anything at work all afternoon yesterday because i couldn't stop reading it.
posted by Reggie Knoble at 1:38 AM on July 21, 2006

Metafilter: what a bunch of pretentious bitches

I read the whole story awhile back, and was also surprised I didn't initially vector into it through here. It's sort of like a really nasty car wreck that everyone walks away from in the end, lucky enough to be only a little bruised and shaken.

That's a good analogy for the Mewes story, too!
posted by Drastic at 4:25 AM on July 21, 2006

It's a pretty good read (although his habit of referring to Mewes as 'the boy' is profoundly irritating). I had no idea about any of it.
posted by MrMustard at 4:29 AM on July 21, 2006

OT: ...It was a bbq chicken and bacon panini...
I'm by no means an anal English major at the ready with my trusty red pen, but this new corporate sandwich slang drives me batshit insane.

A sandwich= un panino; 2+ sandwiches = 2+ panini.
posted by romakimmy at 4:47 AM on July 21, 2006

Where the fuck were the Kev supporters when I needed 'em yesterday? GOSH!

(I keed, I keed.)
posted by grubi at 5:17 AM on July 21, 2006

maybe we could add a "whining" tag for comments and an option to browse without those comments. i find whining in comments way more annoying than fpps that i'm not personally interested in.

p.s. this comment isn't whining, it's a suggestion.
posted by snofoam at 5:21 AM on July 21, 2006

Someone in a previous thread on the blue coined the term 'snark-palsied'. I think it applies in the case of some posters in this thread.
posted by empath at 5:54 AM on July 21, 2006

[this is good]
posted by Minglet at 6:20 AM on July 21, 2006

Say what you will about Kevin Smith, but "don't fuck the vapid" is awesome.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 6:39 AM on July 21, 2006

"don't fuck the vapid"

I've got a buddy that needs to listen to that advice.
posted by raedyn at 7:01 AM on July 21, 2006

That might have been a great story. Unfortunately, it was so poorly written that I was unable to bring myself to complete the first instalment.

Annoying typos / outright mistakes:
Roughly one square mile in length . . .
purchased in the late ‘60’s . . .

Redundancy / Stating the obvious:
Mewes, my junior by four years and Walt and Bry’s junior by six, was still a high school student at this point – something my compatriots and I hadn’t been in years.

Awkward sentence construction:
My conversations were invariably directed at Bry and Walt, while Mewes listened in, ever sporting a puzzled look at the topic of conversation until he saw the opportunity to offer up some sort of outlandish what-if scenario that featured him fucking something or someone inappropriate nearby, topping it all off with a resounding “NEH!”. . .

Later, we’d learn he didn’t make it into paradise before going off like a broken hydrant against her hip.

Somebody get that man an editor, und zwar sofort!
posted by syzygy at 7:18 AM on July 21, 2006

syzygy: Your comments may have been great, but I was unable to bring myself to read them after I got to the word instalment.
posted by snofoam at 7:59 AM on July 21, 2006

"Somebody get that man an editor"

Just as I've always said - All blogs should be required to hire an editor.

I mean come on! Don't these people know that one of the main criteria for a blog post is proper spelling and grammar? Not to mention professional writing style. Don't they realize? - Even though the audience is virtual friends and family, that doesn't mean they can ease up on the formal riles of literary composition. You might think that your blog is your personal space, but you would be wrong. It's literature.

At the end of the day a blog post will be held to the same standards as a news article or column. People who just have amusing or heartfelt stories to share with the world need to take this medium much more seriously. Otherwise those of us who are complete strangers (or even bitter critics) will have to call you on your lack of writing/editing skil
posted by Minglet at 8:20 AM on July 21, 2006

call you on your lack of writing/editing skil

Either that was intentional, or MeFi posters should be required to do the same.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:29 AM on July 21, 2006

Thanks for this. I found this so compelling that I stayed up reading way too late so that I could finish it. Though I am ambivalent about most of Smith's work, I admire him for sticking by his friend through such an agonzing time.
posted by Verdant at 8:47 AM on July 21, 2006

Exactly. Irregardless of of the fact that this is just a private online forum, all comments should require approval of an editorial panel. Sloppy forum comments lead to sloppy civilization. And we can fucking have that, now can we? Please try harder people. This stuff is important. VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT.
posted by Minglet at 8:47 AM on July 21, 2006

"don't fuck the vapid"

In my little world we use the term "Don't stick it in the crazy", since there are sometimes that small children are around and we don't wish to have them repeating what they heard from their parents dirty-minded crazy friends at preschool. Yet.


Count me as one of those enraptured by this whole story. Read the whole thing yesterday when it was posted in the other thread. I have to hand it to Silent Bob. He has not grown too, too distant from his roots, and his upbringing and the care his parents instilled in him shines through. The same can be said for Jay. And yes, I will always refer to them as Jay and Silent Bob, for that was how I was introduced to them. Fuck you, media.

I also liked the alternate ending to Clerks. Though I don't think most people would understand why.

While I am not a fanatic for Kevin Smith, I do like his down to earth "I'm from the suburbs, and the suburbs sucked the life from me" story telling. I also like how he manages to bring about the sense of "yeah, the burbs sucked, but they're not really so bad, so I should get over myself". But maybe that's just me.

And this is all I have to say to anyone who posts anything about Kevin Smith on the intarweb;
"All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob."
posted by daq at 9:34 AM on July 21, 2006

romakimmy: unfortunately, that's the nature of loanwords. you can decry this all you want, but at the end of the day English-speakers are still going to use "panini" as both singular and plural, just as they say "bratwursts" instead of "bratwürste." things like this bother me too, but if you go with the original etymology people are just going to label you pretentious and not listen any more.

posted by kdar at 9:35 AM on July 21, 2006

fenriq writes "Mitheral, so Kevin Smith IS your God?"

Well maybe a demigod, I'm not into that monothist world view.
posted by Mitheral at 10:05 AM on July 21, 2006

daq writes "In my little world we use the term 'Don't stick it in the crazy'"

We have the phrase "don't fall into the crazy" IE: It's OK to stick it in the crazy as long as you don't start thinking like the crazy. Or even worse be so overwhelmed you start thinking you can save the crazy. The latter seems to affect women more than men.

daq writes "And this is all I have to say to anyone who posts anything about Kevin Smith on the intarweb"

I'm guessing I'm not the only who pictures the moviepoopshoot forums when he stumbles into a particularly juvenile portion of the net.
posted by Mitheral at 10:13 AM on July 21, 2006

if any kevin smith-haters are interested in jason mewes' story, you can also check out the wikipedia entry for jason which is an abbreviated version of the blog posts linked with a few bits paraphrased rather than just copied verbatim. that way you could get the story without having to read kevin smith's blog.
posted by snofoam at 10:40 AM on July 21, 2006

JFC, wah wah, I don't like Kevin Smith because he writes like a self important jerk, but I sure like to complain about it. Specifically I like to write out my complaints. Like a jerk. Like a self important one.

OMG I have seen the enemy and he is me!
posted by lyam at 1:47 PM on July 21, 2006

I call B.S. He claims Mewes worked the rollerball on his Rec Center's Asteroids machine as though he were performing cunnilingus on it, but Asteroids has no rollerball, only a bunch of buttons!
posted by Durhey at 2:14 PM on July 21, 2006

holy christ, not again.

can we declare a moratorium on Hat Maui posts for, like, ever?

I've never understood why people who don't like a topic/person/whatever need to come into the comments and bitch about it. It's clearly marked, Just don't read it. I was sick of the World Cup after day one -- I just ignored everything related to it. I've been sick of Paris Hilton for years -- I just don't read stories about her. Real simple.
posted by jzb at 3:24 PM on July 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

i hate you all so much.
posted by shmegegge at 6:40 PM on July 21, 2006

Asteroids has no rollerball, only a bunch of buttons!

Maybe it was the sequel Blasteroids. The controls aren't rollerballs, but they look like they would work.
posted by concrete at 7:11 PM on July 21, 2006

Kevin says he fell in love with his muse, when he saw him sucking off the furniture, or maybe Muse realized this is how he could get Kevin to like him---either way he’s been sucking Kevin’s dick figurative or literally ever since. What seems to have really pissed Kevin off is when Muse became more dependent on drugs than on him. Kevin obviously realized Muse was the best thing he had going for his movies and helped keep him addicted in a classical co-dependent way. But all end wells, the Muse is back living with Kevin, and being his little subservient bitch (or as Kevin calls it his boy). Will he ever break free of Kevin? Not today, probably not tomorrow.
posted by zackdog at 12:18 AM on July 22, 2006

It's a rather good story, actually, if you make it through the whole thing. Then again, I have a crush on Jay anyway.
posted by etoile at 10:51 AM on July 24, 2006