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Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fthagn!
September 1, 2006 2:25 AM   Subscribe

The Lovecraft Collection. Scents inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft and the Cthulhu Mythos.
via Cheryl's Mewsings
posted by thatwhichfalls (39 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Azathoth is the blind, idiot god who sits on a black throne at the center of Chaos. His scent is high-pitched and screeching, both impenetrably dark and searingly bright with the clarity of madness: tangerine, saffron, vetiver, black amber and cedarwood.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 2:26 AM on September 1, 2006


And before anyone else says it, yes it's a pepsi blue post.
A deep, endless blue that verges on black.
A vertiginous azure that sucks at the soul as it burns into the eyes.
A blue that mortal eyes should not look upon lest they fall into a pit of madness and cosmic despair.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 2:28 AM on September 1, 2006 [2 favorites]


Great! When will these be available in the form of a Glade(R) Plug-In(R)?
posted by kcds at 2:51 AM on September 1, 2006


!!!

I've been wanting to order something off these people for ages and my love of, er, Lovercraft might just push me over... I mean, seriously, who doesn't want to smell eldritch?
posted by slimepuppy at 3:22 AM on September 1, 2006


Also, kudos on the use of the fungoid and squamous tags. (Though both should already have been used here.)
posted by slimepuppy at 3:29 AM on September 1, 2006


Hell, I've been using Shuggoth aftershave for years, as anybody who comes near my cubical can tell you. (Few do.) But that requires a steady supply of Shuggoths to extract and I really doubt these folks have my special contacts.
posted by jfuller at 3:41 AM on September 1, 2006


When will these be available in the form of a Glade(R) Plug-In(R)?
I don't know, but you can already get a convenient candle that smells like Jesus. The occult has got some catching up to do.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:42 AM on September 1, 2006


The Great Old Ones smell like stale tobacco, sweaty wool, fresh piss, coagulating cervical blood, coal-smoke and the tinny rankness of chthonic fear, not fucking tangerine.

Assholes.

(Come to think of it, add 'assholes' to that list.) (Not to pee on your post, just riffing.)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:47 AM on September 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


And fish. I forgot rotting fish. With just a hint of sandalwood.

Right.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:51 AM on September 1, 2006


> And fish. I forgot

Nam bplah. For fish sauce to develop a pleasant, fragrant aroma and taste, the fish must be very fresh. As soon as fishing boats return with their catch, the fish are rinsed and drained, then mixed with sea salt – two to three parts fish to one part salt by weight. They are then filled into large earthenware jars, lined on the bottom with a layer of salt, and topped with a layer of salt. A woven bamboo mat is placed over the fish and weighted down with heavy rocks to keep the fish from floating when water inside them are extracted out by the salt and fermentation process.

The jars are covered and left in a sunny location for nine months to a year.

posted by jfuller at 4:02 AM on September 1, 2006


I love me some Thai fish sauce, almost as much as I love my squidheaded lord Chthulhu. Beats the shit out of Elder Gods Spice™ any day.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:04 AM on September 1, 2006


Fish sauce, in a word, rules.

Take the time and round up a bottle of the real stuff from an asian grocer. Cthulhu will be pleased.
posted by dsquid at 4:06 AM on September 1, 2006


> weighted down with heavy rocks to keep the fish from floating when water
> inside them are extracted out by the salt and fermentation process. The jars are
> covered and left in a sunny location for nine months to a year.

An interesting cross-cultural coincidence, that's actually not so very different from what I do with the shuggoth pieces. (N.b. sometimes called shoggoth in inferior translations.) But I hadn't tried the extract on food yet.
posted by jfuller at 4:25 AM on September 1, 2006


An interesting cross-cultural coincidence, that's actually not so very different from what I do with the shuggoth pieces.

Presumably the recipe in this case looks something like:
As soon as ships return with their catch from the dark limitless spaces between the stars, the shuggoth are gutted alive, rinsed and drained, then (while still alive) mixed with depleted uranium – two to three parts shuggoth to one part DP by weight. They are then filled into large, strangely pitted and scarred metallic jars, lined on the bottom with a layer of DP, and topped with a layer of DP. A woven mat of living human neural tissue is placed over the shuggoth and weighted down with fragments of basalt from lost R'lyeh to keep the shuggoth from floating when water inside them are extracted out by the DP and fermentation process.
The jars are covered and left in orbit around a dying star for one to two million years.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:46 AM on September 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


Me, I'm waiting for the upcoming Lovecraftian 'King In Yellow' fashion line. I hear "crazed academic turned beggar cultist" is the new black!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:52 AM on September 1, 2006


All Yr Robes R Fragrant To Us?
posted by grabbingsand at 4:53 AM on September 1, 2006


BPAL also has an excellent line of pirate-themed fragrances.

PIRATES.
posted by bobot at 5:02 AM on September 1, 2006


it does not bode well that I consider myself in their target audience, and yet I wouldn't deign to pick up any of these unctions anytime round this millennia.
kudos to the descriptions?
posted by Busithoth at 5:20 AM on September 1, 2006


holy shit omg <3
posted by ibeji at 5:31 AM on September 1, 2006


pick up any of these unctions

Extreme Unction™.

Now that'd be a fuckin' cologne worth wearing.

Also: uh, hmm. I don't think unction means what you think it means. Unguent, maybe?

holy shit omg <3

Insightful, eloquent, eldritch. No, wait, I meant to say: fucking worthless. Please stop now.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:45 AM on September 1, 2006


The Great Old Ones smell like stale tobacco, sweaty wool, fresh piss, coagulating cervical blood, coal-smoke and the tinny rankness of chthonic fear, not fucking tangerine.

I took "A creeping, wet, slithering scent, dripping with seaweed, oceanic plants and dark, unfathomable waters," to be a pretty way to saying, "You will smell like rotting fish."

Nightgaunt, curiously, seems to promise to make you smell like kumquat and old tires.
posted by Phlogiston at 5:58 AM on September 1, 2006


I don't think unction means what you think it means.

hmm. I was assuming that these are oil-based.

my favorite Yankee-Candle scent was 'haunted house', and while not exactly the most pleasant, it really bestowed a great air to the room.

I could see how one of these could be pulled out for those 'special occasions' (like when you're hiding on the streets on Marblehead late at night)
posted by Busithoth at 6:25 AM on September 1, 2006


Haha! I'm in yur base summonin all yer godz!
posted by Balisong at 6:33 AM on September 1, 2006


But what if I want to smell like Pickman's Model?
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:41 AM on September 1, 2006


The scent of Irish coffee, dusty tomes and polished oakwood halls.

You know, that actually sounds pretty decent.
posted by Iridic at 6:57 AM on September 1, 2006


As soon as ships return with their catch from the dark limitless spaces between the stars, the shuggoth are gutted alive, rinsed and drained, then (while still alive) mixed with depleted uranium – two to three parts shuggoth to one part DP by weight. They are then filled into large, strangely pitted and scarred metallic jars, lined on the bottom with a layer of DP, and topped with a layer of DP. A woven mat of living human neural tissue is placed over the shuggoth and weighted down with fragments of basalt from lost R'lyeh to keep the shuggoth from floating when water inside them are extracted out by the DP and fermentation process.
The jars are covered and left in orbit around a dying star for one to two million years.


God damn it, I forgot the basalt! No wonder it came out way too squamous! (And I don't want to hear any macho bullshit about how "there's no such thing as too squamous, dude!" Anybody who pulls that crap is gonna get a shipment of my latest batch, and they'd better post a video of themselves consuming the whole thing. Better make your will first, though. Just in case.)
posted by languagehat at 7:08 AM on September 1, 2006


Just in case you haven't read the stories.
posted by Vindaloo at 7:15 AM on September 1, 2006


Thanks Vindaloo (an appropriate name when discussing foods of the Elder Gods), that's a great site!

The bright white text on a black background will drive you blind and insane, but I think Lovecraft would've wanted it that way.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:35 AM on September 1, 2006


when is Web 2.0 gonna bring me scratch-n-sniff? all this imagining is making my head hurt....
posted by owhydididoit at 7:35 AM on September 1, 2006


Scents? Bah. I'm still hoping for Cthulhu's Cthusthard and Ichorous Ice Cream™, featuring such flavors as Vanilla Void, Soulless Strawberry, Chocolate Chaos, Primordial Pistachio, R'lyeh Road, and Elder Ones' Elderberry. Shamelessly stolen from here.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:50 AM on September 1, 2006


DevilsAdvocate, those flavors go great on a hot, hellish day! My cult usually has a monthly picnic following the Supplication of the Host. I usually bring a few packs of "All-Beef-and-Sorrow" Dogs of Tindalos and a couple sixes of MiGoBrau!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:18 AM on September 1, 2006


I like to wash down my Sorrows™ with a nice pint of Shoggoth's Old Peculiar. (© Neil Gaiman)
posted by slimepuppy at 9:24 AM on September 1, 2006


Ick. I won't drink anything imported from farther away than Pluto. All those "Beyond Space and Time" brews always taste skunked to me.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:39 AM on September 1, 2006


Azathoth is the blind, idiot god who sits on a black throne at the center of Chaos.

Azathoth, aka George W. Bush.
posted by Foosnark at 11:05 AM on September 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


Me, I'm waiting for the upcoming Lovecraftian 'King In Yellow' fashion line. I hear "crazed academic turned beggar cultist" is the new black!

So, no one else gonna come in here and geek up the place by pointing out that "The King in Yellow" is from the works of Robert W. Chambers, not Lovecraft?

In fairness, Chambers's work is sorta Lovecraftish.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:41 AM on September 1, 2006


That was a Nerd Test. You fail Win!

D'oh. I hang myself ritually in mythoshame. Encyclopedia Cthulhiana done me wrong!

I submit to the horrible whims of the Jury:


posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:23 PM on September 1, 2006


Demeter has a nice fragrance called "Funeral Home." It smells very heavy and floral and kind of damp.

When I smelled it, I immediately pictured a Goth Kate Winslet with perfect white skin who was very fond of wine-colored velvet and black nail polish . . .
posted by jfwlucy at 1:01 PM on September 1, 2006


Yeah, the Chthulu mythos are terrifying in the nihilistic infinite blackness soul disturbing metaphysical madness sorta Lovecraftian way. This is kinda gothy in a langourous voodoo Poppy Z Brite sorta way.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:17 PM on September 1, 2006


Ha, BPAL made the blue! After getting over the fear of ordering perfume scent-unsmelled (I started with an assortment of sample sizes), I've come to love them. There are a few--a surprisingly small percentage, really--scents that just didn't work for me, but hey, you can always swap the one's you don't like with other BPAL fans (the review section there is quite helpful...).
posted by lovecrafty at 10:18 PM on September 1, 2006


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