Smoots in the West End of the Shire

September 12, 2006 2:53 PM

The LoTR musical needs Hobbits of a certain stature.What stature is that, budding thespians might ask? Well, smoot-height, of course! (Actually, 5'7" — or 170 cm — is the maximum height a would-be Frodo or Bilbo could be.) Another requirement is the ability to sing two songs ... and hairy appendages wouldn't hurt. So start knitting those foot-merkins! Auditions: 18 September, Theatre Royal Drury Lane, Catherine St (tube stop: Covent Garden).
posted by rob511 (25 comments total)

And, as someone who's seen that... abomination... I expect that they should be short on self-respect as well.
posted by poweredbybeard at 3:03 PM on September 12, 2006

I, for one, am tired of these Shire-centric posts.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 3:06 PM on September 12, 2006

Remember that this is the same LoTR that closed about, oh, two years earlier than expected in Toronto.

The production is, in short, a mess.
posted by GuyZero at 3:12 PM on September 12, 2006

My childhood is gone.
a peaceful shire, and star wars;
scoured, both. Please stop.
posted by blue_beetle at 3:31 PM on September 12, 2006

Oh, God, please, make it stop ...
posted by krinklyfig at 3:43 PM on September 12, 2006

Nimoy gonna sing in this one too?
posted by Smedleyman at 3:48 PM on September 12, 2006

Is "scoured" supposed to be two syllables? SCOW-erd?
posted by cortex at 3:49 PM on September 12, 2006

SCOW-red...
posted by koeselitz at 4:11 PM on September 12, 2006

In my dialect, 'scoured' rhymes with 'flowered'.

LoTR was never meant to exist in musical form. If it was, every bugger who reads it wouldn't have such a hard time resisting the temptation to skip all the damn songs.
posted by Soulfather at 4:24 PM on September 12, 2006

I'm waiting for the Wicker Man musical.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:33 PM on September 12, 2006

*I'm* waiting for the Hellraiser musical.
posted by Parannoyed at 4:37 PM on September 12, 2006

Soulfather writes "LoTR was never meant to exist in musical form."

Actually, Tolkien explicitly hoped that LOTR would inspire artists of all stripes to create*, and music was definitely on the list of things he said. Much as there are innumerable books, plays, songs, paintings about (say) Robin Hood or King Arthur, Tolkien's hope was to give England a mythology of its own that could be built on, as opposed to something adapted from French (for example) roots.

* except fanfic. Ugh.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:51 PM on September 12, 2006

Soulfather: every bugger who reads it wouldn't have such a hard time resisting the temptation to skip all the damn songs.

Reading Don Quixote right now. I'd be a damned liar if I said I di'nt skip past every time Cervantes decides to throw in a sonnet or two. Same with J.R.R and his diddling songs.
posted by yeti at 5:08 PM on September 12, 2006

Led Zeppelin should get involved.
posted by owhydididoit at 5:09 PM on September 12, 2006

> * except fanfic. Ugh.

Fans write music too, you know. Or maybe you don't. If you've never heard any, count your blessings.
posted by jfuller at 5:19 PM on September 12, 2006

Oh I'm aware of filking--I find it amusing, since there's always a tongue-in-cheek self-parody at play.

And hey, Rush did write 'Rivendell'.

But by all the Valar, if I ever have to hear the musical equivalent of LOTR fanfic, I may be forced to stab myself in the ears.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:30 PM on September 12, 2006

*I'm* waiting for the Hellraiser musical.

That might actually work. Wanna collaborate?
posted by bashos_frog at 5:48 PM on September 12, 2006

The Diary of Anne Franke: The Musical
posted by Deathalicious at 6:03 PM on September 12, 2006

I have a friend who was in the Toronto production, and yes, he is short. Another, who is 5'6" (the maximum height during that run), almost didn't get an audition because he was too tall. The irony of potentially missing the role of a lifetime for being too tall at 5'6" was not lost on him.
posted by krunk at 6:07 PM on September 12, 2006

awwww shucks, 69". (snaps fingers)
posted by winks007 at 6:15 PM on September 12, 2006

The Wicker Man was a musical.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:20 PM on September 12, 2006

"Tolkien's hope was to give England a mythology of its own that could be built on" Does England not have mythology from the past? I ask. King Arthur, faeries and gnomes, and the divine priviledge of the monarchy come to mind.
posted by longsleeves at 6:59 PM on September 12, 2006

Deathalicious writes "The Diary of Anne Franke: The Musical"

It's been done.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:59 PM on September 12, 2006

dirtynumbangelboy writes "if I ever have to hear the musical equivalent of LOTR fanfic, I may be forced to stab myself in the ears."

Mine's a tale that can't be told,
My freedom I hold dear.
How years ago in days of old,
When magic filled the air.
It was in the darkest depths of Mordor,
I met a girl so fair.
But Gollum and the evil one crept up,
And slipped away with her.

Ain't nothing I can do no,
I guess I’ll keep on rambling.
I’m gonna shake.
Gonna ramble on, sing my song.
Gonna work my way around the world.
I can't stop this feeling in my heart,
Gotta keep searching for my baby.

-Led Zeppelin
posted by Bugbread at 9:06 PM on September 12, 2006

longsleeves writes "'Tolkien's hope was to give England a mythology of its own that could be built on' Does England not have mythology from the past? I ask. King Arthur, faeries and gnomes, and the divine priviledge of the monarchy come to mind."

Arthur is basically some Anglicization grafted onto French roots. Faeries etc. are (if memory serves) Celtic/Irish/etc--Tolkien was aiming for something that was English, uniquely so.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:20 AM on September 14, 2006