this is my rifle, this is my gun.

October 18, 2006 7:57 AM

Sniper training starts a little earlier these days. Forget violence in video games - the best way to teach your kids how to kill is still with a good old-fashioned Nerf war. Still, is creating a new generation of sharpshooters really the best idea?
posted by OverlappingElvis (41 comments total)

That add is definately kind of messed up.

Watching it without volume is even creepier because without the voice over, you're just seeing a bunch of 12 year olds doing their best at playing navy seal.
posted by Alex404 at 8:02 AM on October 18, 2006

::pegs OverlappingElvis right between the eyes with a Nerf dart from 300 meters::
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:03 AM on October 18, 2006

The scope on the Nerf longshot doesn't work, it's just glass. Problem solved.
posted by QuarterlyProphet at 8:03 AM on October 18, 2006

This will look awesome next to my oozinator.

yes I have one, and yes, it is totally gross
posted by Mach5 at 8:06 AM on October 18, 2006

posted by prostyle at 8:08 AM on October 18, 2006

I hear they're also coming out with a new line of spongy torture instruments.
posted by IronLizard at 8:11 AM on October 18, 2006

Start 'em about age 5 and you get stuff like this: U.S. Army sniper nails record shot - World
yeah, Washington Times, I know, I know

His quarry stood nonchalantly in the fourth-floor bay window of a hospital in battle-torn Ramadi, still clasping a long-barreled Kalashnikov. Instinctively allowing for wind speed and bullet drop, Shadow's commander aimed 12 feet high... A single shot hit the Iraqi in the chest and killed him instantly. It had been fired from a range of more than three-quarters of a mile, well beyond the capacity of the powerful Leupold sight, accurate to 3,300 feet. "I believe it is the longest confirmed kill in Iraq with a 7.62mm rifle," said Sgt. Gilliland, 28, who hunted squirrels in Double Springs, Ala., from the age of 5 before progressing to deer -- and then to insurgents and terrorists.
posted by ernie at 8:11 AM on October 18, 2006

These violent toys need to be taken out of the hands of children and put into mine.
posted by justkevin at 8:16 AM on October 18, 2006

Apparently it's a "magazine" and not a "clip" per the ad. I have been corrected on this point multiple times by people who are into guns.
posted by GuyZero at 8:18 AM on October 18, 2006

I see your Lee Boyd Malvo and raise you a Jack Thompson.

WFT is up with the moralistic puritanical streak lately? Yesterday we had TV causing autism and today we have Nerf creating serial killers. Maybe tomorrow we can imply diet causes terrorism.
posted by srboisvert at 8:36 AM on October 18, 2006

I want a nerf longshot, there I said it.
posted by drezdn at 8:40 AM on October 18, 2006

".......diet causes terrorism"

I've never been more dangerous to society than during the first two weeks of a diet.
posted by hojoki at 8:47 AM on October 18, 2006

Too bad there's no goo firing out of that long rocket.
posted by parmanparman at 8:49 AM on October 18, 2006

Of course, I mean this
posted by parmanparman at 8:51 AM on October 18, 2006

And with modifications, you can get it to fire accurately out to 200 feet.

I found a thread on the Penny Arcade forums a while ago where they linked to a Nerf modding thread. People were talking about taking the spring from the Big Bad Bow and putting it in this longshot, and it pumps up the distance massively.
posted by Imperfect at 9:01 AM on October 18, 2006

That's right - before there were Nerf sniper rifles, kids never played guns. Why, when I was young we weren't allowed "war toys" so all we played was "Happy Flower" and "Stealthy-but-Well-Intentioned-Friend"! I hear that under the ancient goddess religions, kids didn't play clubs and spears, they played "cooperation for mutual benefit and personal growth"!

Haven't kids always played war? Isn't this just centrifugal bumblepuppy?
posted by freebird at 9:12 AM on October 18, 2006

Think of the list as vibrators and suddenly it all seems so harmless.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:15 AM on October 18, 2006

Haven't kids always played war?

At least for as long as there were war movies. Before that, they probably had to wait until a bard came to their village, and I'm not sure how good they would have been at capturing a child's imagination with their verse.

I bet they've always played mummies and daddies/doctor though.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:18 AM on October 18, 2006

Feh, I'd rather have one of these puppies. You know, for shooting little plastic targets in a supervised enviornment. Or if you cheap (BEAST) beer cans, you can play BEST GAME EVAR!!!
posted by daq at 9:24 AM on October 18, 2006

Why can't I live in a neighborhood filled with roving gangs of Nerf-armed kids? They'd be so much fun to mess with. The plain ole gangs of armed kids on my street got no sense of humor.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:35 AM on October 18, 2006

This is my rifle, this is my gun

Their both for fightin their both for fun. Sound off.
posted by spicynuts at 9:57 AM on October 18, 2006

My father got me a Nerf Bow and Arrow set when I was 11, and he used it more than I did.

He used to have me go hide in the desert so that he could hunt me with it.
posted by hermitosis at 9:58 AM on October 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the NERF Longshot is what we here at the ATF call a "gateway" weapon. Kids will move on to faster and more powerful guns until one day -- bam! -- it's 9/11 all over again.
posted by Krrrlson at 10:03 AM on October 18, 2006

Still, is creating a new generation of sharpshooters really the best idea?

Sure, there may come a time when their skills are need to defend us from our own tyrannical government. When the secret police will come for us with their non-lethal beanbags and rubber bullets, these future warriors will defend us with hyper-velocity nerf ballistic projectiles.

We need to get these kids into simulators now! XBoxes for everyone!
posted by quin at 10:16 AM on October 18, 2006

Nuthin wrong with kids launching things at eachother. I'd rather them do that then actually fight.

What's creepy and depressing and chilling and enraging (etc. superlative etc.) about that ad is the body language - the kid doing the "watch my fist to know when to move" movie soldier thing. These sorts of things are definitely aiming to make strong literal connections between kids play and splattering people's brainpan in war.

And that warehouse is straight out of a video game. The continuum between game - video game - killing for the empire being established is really disturbing.

Kids should be allowed to play fight. It's a healthy way to get out aggression. The problem is when it isn't a pressure valve, but a shunt. Bopping eachother is a great thing sometimes. Emulating an army is quite another.

WFT is up with the moralistic puritanical streak lately?

I've decided I don't even know what puritanical means anymore. Is it prudish to be uncomfortable with war being turned in to a game? You'd think that'd be something both peaceniks and warriors would be opposed to.

But then I also don't think warrior means what it might have once.
posted by poweredbybeard at 10:24 AM on October 18, 2006

Arkansas Man Whose SUV Was Cut Off in Traffic Allegedly Fires Crossbow at Motorist
posted by taosbat at 10:37 AM on October 18, 2006

There's no adjustment for windage. How am I supposed to shoot accurately?

Back to the drawing board, Nerf!
posted by owenkun at 10:37 AM on October 18, 2006

Pffft, Nerf. Start the kids out right, for Christ's sake.
posted by cog_nate at 11:52 AM on October 18, 2006

poweredbybeard : "Kids should be allowed to play fight. It's a healthy way to get out aggression."

Yeah, kids should be allowed to play fight, but not when they've got pent up aggression. Play fighting sucks for that. From my childhood experience, Play fighting between kids without pent up aggression = Play fighting between kids without pent up aggression. Play fighting between kids with pent up aggression = somebody is crying and somebody is going home.
posted by Bugbread at 12:03 PM on October 18, 2006

Could a man be trained to consistantly beat a crowd of nerf-sniper-rifle-weilding five-year-olds? And how many five-year-olds would it take to bring down that man?
posted by blue_beetle at 12:07 PM on October 18, 2006

Students taught to attack gunmen.
posted by dhartung at 12:31 PM on October 18, 2006

Nerf guns? Bah. Give me my trusty Nerf AN/PRC-117 so I can call in Nerf airstrikes. Radios can be the most dangerous weps of all if you have friendly tac air on call.
posted by pax digita at 12:43 PM on October 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

Still, is creating a new generation of sharpshooters really the best idea?

Last time I checked, yes.
posted by vorfeed at 1:07 PM on October 18, 2006

What's most bizarre to me is how Nerf went from a free-love-hippy new-age upstart company in the toy industry so many years ago to this sort of hyper-agressive ULTRAEXTREME toy company who probably sells more toy "guns" than anyone else.

They used to only make fluffy indoor Nerf balls, with a decided focus on pure, non-competitive, non-organized-sports play.

I'm not sure if the "change" happened before or after Hasbro bought them, but since Hasbro is basically GI Joe, I shouldn't be too surprised.


All that being said, Nerf guns are too wimpy and fragile. Someone needs to make a line of Nerf toys for "adults". No, Airsoft doesn't count. Airsoft is cool and all, but not really safe enough for lawsuit-free cubicle warfare.
posted by loquacious at 1:12 PM on October 18, 2006

My office has been a nerf warzone many times. There were a wide variety of guns around, including one of those long-shots.

It was intimidating, but we actually got better range out of the guns they show in the ad that have the "laser" pointer on them.

Plus, the long shot uses different darts than most of the other guns, which kinda sucks.

The magazine is nifty though.
posted by flaterik at 1:24 PM on October 18, 2006

So, to summarize: We have a vague gut feeling that this is wrong, but are stumped as to how to articulate it?

At least there's little chance of the kid shooting his eye out with that.
posted by InnocentBystander at 2:06 PM on October 18, 2006

loquacious : Someone needs to make a line of Nerf toys for "adults".

Ask and you shall receive. It fires these.

Ok, so it's not actually what you were looking for, if you fired, or hell even carried one if these into an office, you'd have DHS on you so fast.

Still, I hear at close range, you could cause serious damage to a person with one.
posted by quin at 3:25 PM on October 18, 2006

IMO, this is a crappy post.
posted by BeerFilter at 3:54 PM on October 18, 2006

A buddy of mine bought a nerf longshot a while back. It sucks. It only shoots a short distance and the scope is completely useless.
posted by joedan at 8:46 PM on October 18, 2006

Because 'cowboys and indians' a hundred years ago raised horrible people. Honest.
posted by talldean at 8:34 AM on October 19, 2006

I had a total nerf war with my two sons and it was great. My two little daughters reloaded for me.
posted by craniac at 9:58 PM on October 19, 2006