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March 9, 2007 1:17 PM   Subscribe

"What kind of schmuck would pay $500 to meet a bunch of gold diggers?" Radar covers/mocks a speed dating event in Manhattan.
posted by chunking express (67 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
(allegedly) hot gold diggers.
posted by cell divide at 1:21 PM on March 9, 2007


Some of the transcripts are awesome.
posted by chunking express at 1:24 PM on March 9, 2007


Grizzled prospecters?
posted by delmoi at 1:26 PM on March 9, 2007


That was fun to read. It took my mind off the poverty, and stuff.
posted by avoision at 1:27 PM on March 9, 2007 [4 favorites]


Welcome to Kips Bay/Murray Hill. These types really do exist, and they deserve each other.
posted by adamgreenfield at 1:27 PM on March 9, 2007


I can't wait for somebody to step up and defend the gold diggers again.
posted by keswick at 1:29 PM on March 9, 2007


Every Night and every Morn
Some to Misery are born.
Every Morn and every Night
Some are born to Sweet Delight,
Some are born to Endless Night.
- W.B.
posted by nola at 1:30 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


"I'm a socialite" ?!
posted by Firas at 1:33 PM on March 9, 2007


Haaa, Fake Paris Hilton was there!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:34 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


Fake Paris Hilton is watching you masturbate.
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:36 PM on March 9, 2007 [2 favorites]


So what made this any different from any other social gathering in Manhattan?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:37 PM on March 9, 2007 [2 favorites]


She was fond of asking every date, "What are you passionate about?" She was less fond of the inevitable answer: "Having emotionless sex with attractive but vapid females.


Priceless.

(Actually: cost: $40k.).
posted by lalochezia at 1:37 PM on March 9, 2007


keswick: my turn to bat? I'll start with: Chasing money is no more objectively repugnant than chasing skirts.

(Also, maybe I need to get a humanity re-up, but I don't think either is all that bad. If you're truly happy faking being in love because you like wearing nice dresses and going out to nice places, and the guy is truly happy with being faked as long as he has arm-candy... I guess it's problematic if only one person is involved in the (self)deception and the other is sincere.)
posted by Firas at 1:37 PM on March 9, 2007


Does it come with a free condom and divorce papers?
posted by homodigitalis at 1:39 PM on March 9, 2007


The rich are different. And stupid.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:41 PM on March 9, 2007


That was fucking awesome.
posted by The Straightener at 1:43 PM on March 9, 2007


Souls made out of rocks and burnt embers.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:44 PM on March 9, 2007


Ha Ha Ha! Rich people and pretty people can be sad and pathetic too! Ha!

I don't get it. As long as I never have to be in a room with any of these people I have no problem with them and take no joy in someone poking fun at them.
posted by ND¢ at 1:47 PM on March 9, 2007


I don't see anything wrong with gold diggers meeting skirt chasers - at least, no more than being a diapercentric babyfur - but that doesn't mean I can't find them hilarious.

Fun article. Fake Paris Hilton may or may not be more pathetic than the "socialite."
posted by Sticherbeast at 1:49 PM on March 9, 2007


The Fake Paris Hilton is a knock off of someone that's not really anything at all.

Which makes it, like, totally like a fake bottle of Evian or something, sh-yeah! I wonder if she does racist comedy also.

"I'm Greasy McLawyer and this is my trophy wife, who is pretending to be Paris Hilton." Boggles, the mind it does.
posted by unixrat at 1:52 PM on March 9, 2007


I think the Kolkata Cumin King's idea to remake "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" was a no-brainer. Wasn't he attending the ultimate, umm, cattle call?
posted by rob511 at 1:57 PM on March 9, 2007


Drown these assholes in BlingWater for Christ's (and my) sake.
posted by Mister_A at 1:57 PM on March 9, 2007


Worth reading if only to get the "Did you like Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion?" as a good question for first dates. I would never have thought of that genius Q myself.

"Why yes, I love that movie!"

"Check!"
posted by dobbs at 1:57 PM on March 9, 2007


A schmuck wouldn’t. A putz would.

Funny. I talked to a woman about 10 years younger than me. Wearing my shit-kickers, sitting by my beat up truck. Tried to make simple conversation - no dice. Buddy of mine came over and the subject of where I lived came up (affluent suburb). Minute later, she’s all over me trying to get my attention. Wedding ring didn’t make a damn bit of difference.
Me, I just like talking to folks about screwy ideas women, men, whatever. The game playing is a bit beyond me. And is it worth it? I mean is masterbation that horrible a prospect? Hell, buy a Real Doll. Same difference. Plus, no annoying conversation.
This making fun of them is cute....but y’know, fish in a barrell.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:01 PM on March 9, 2007 [3 favorites]


"What kind of schmuck would pay $500 to meet a bunch of gold diggers?"

The kind of shmuck whose net worth makes that $500 seem equivalent to the $20 that you pay for access to an internet porn site.
posted by googly at 2:05 PM on March 9, 2007


What kind of schmuck would pay $20 for access to an internet porn site?
posted by keswick at 2:10 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


What kind of schmuck would pay $20 for access to an internet porn site?

The kind of shmuck whose net worth makes that $20 seem equivalent to the $4.50 that you pay for a copy of Hustler at your local convenience store.
posted by googly at 2:14 PM on March 9, 2007 [4 favorites]


Shit Sandwich with tits and dollar bills.
posted by dbiedny at 2:18 PM on March 9, 2007


What kind of shmuck pays... eh... forget it.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:18 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


Does nobody masturbate to bra ads in the J.C. Penney catalog anymore? IT'S FREE, PEOPLE!
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:18 PM on March 9, 2007 [5 favorites]


What kind of shmuck pays... eh... forget it.

Damn. And here I was, all ready with "The kind of shmuck whose net worth makes that $4.50 seem equivalent to the labor that you spend flipping through art books at the library, hoping to find pictures of naked ladies."

But then, Atom Eyes beat me to it too.
posted by googly at 2:22 PM on March 9, 2007


These types really do exist, and they deserve each other.

Dude, I couldn't agree with you more and I, personally, am very pleased that events like this one help keep them out of my social orbit and personal space.
posted by jason's_planet at 2:30 PM on March 9, 2007


Now if we could only keep them off Third Avenue.
posted by adamgreenfield at 2:33 PM on March 9, 2007


Metafilter: All the fire-and-brimstone, moralistic, self-righteous preachiness as those other guys, but with Retsyn™!
posted by frogan at 2:39 PM on March 9, 2007


Someone looking for a classy gold digger, of course.
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:41 PM on March 9, 2007


We could trip tuiton, you could be the vixen
You could front for ya girlfriend's, I aint trippin
You done got you a rapper, I see ya vision
And one of the best too, thats ambition
You could tell me bout ya day, I pretend I listen
And you aint gotta love me, just be convincin'

- Clipse, Dirty Money
posted by basicchannel at 2:54 PM on March 9, 2007


Shit Sandwich with tits and dollar bills.

Well, yeah, but still better than the generic kind.
posted by PlusDistance at 2:56 PM on March 9, 2007


I'd hit it. Hell, I'd punch it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:23 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


Shit Sandwich with tits and dollar bills.

A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without the cool zip of Miracle Whip.
posted by The Power Nap at 3:24 PM on March 9, 2007


Ugh—Number 27 is horrible. The second you sit down, he orders a bottle of champagne to the table to try to impress you. And there will be an almost-full one sitting there, but he insists on getting you your own bottle. He must have bought 30 so far. He's a 75-year-old lawyer. But he only drinks water.

You know, if I was 75, desperate and had more money than I had morals, I would be doing the exact same thing. There's no way in hell he'll get any self-respecting 20 year old, so he's engaging in high class prostitution. I mean anything less is akin to going a cannabis cafe in Amsterdam and shocked by open marijuana use. Or that girl who flirts with everyone at a club and is taken back when a guy invites her to his place.

That said, the idea of a Paris Hilton impersonator should be hailed as the greatest intellectual discovery since infinitesimals. I thought the idea of a fake Paris Hilton was simply metaphysical as the very notion runs contrary to intuition itself. Society will be perfecting a more rigorous formation for years to come.
posted by geoff. at 3:40 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


I actually find this sort of thing fascinating.

Someone upthread asked how this event was different from any other party in Manhattan. Here's the difference - the women at this event aren't just golddigers, but desperate golddigers. Desperate enough to attend a speed dating event, yet unwilling to consider sub-millionaires for possible mates. Still hanging onto that golden American dream, the one where the whore meets the millionaire but the millionaire actually turns out to be a nice guy.

I guess if they were in LA, these girls would wind up in coke and porn. But who knows? Perhaps in NYC, dreams may still come true.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:45 PM on March 9, 2007


The kind of shmuck whose net worth makes that $20 seem equivalent to the $4.50 that you pay for a copy of Hustler at your local convenience store.

For anyone with access to google, porn is free. Even freer than music. This matters a lot, in the context of the economics of sex. We're still in the culture shift, so we can only look at trends and speculate, but I expect over the next two generations the effects of this will be significant.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 3:48 PM on March 9, 2007


I thought the idea of a fake Paris Hilton was simply metaphysical as the very notion runs contrary to intuition itself.

Paris Hilton2
posted by lekvar at 4:13 PM on March 9, 2007


That writer is smokin hot, and since he's there, they all thought he had money. I wonder if smokin-hotness would be considered a plus (I'm hoing myself to someone I'd do for free, bonus!) or a minus (he has options, so he will probably trade me in in five years, and I can't reasonably hope he will die before that.)
posted by Methylviolet at 4:17 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


Thanks chungking express!
It'll be interesting to see whether Radar covers the Sugar Mamas (with +$4MM) and boy toys speed dating event.
I bet that event will be more difficult to neatly categorize...
posted by nj_subgenius at 4:44 PM on March 9, 2007


Fake Paris Hilton is watching you masturbate.
It's true.
posted by verb at 4:51 PM on March 9, 2007


The weirdest thing about this is that guys with money, or the visible potential to make money, have no trouble meeting attractive women in New York.

Heck, guys who live six-to-the-flat in Williamsburg and sling espressos while trying to get $30,000 entry-level jobs in advertising hardly have trouble meeting attractive women in New York.

Even if it weren't plainly evident every Friday night in every neighborhood in the city, there's an entire genre of chick lit and Sex in the Cities's six seasons to celebrate it in culture.
posted by MattD at 4:54 PM on March 9, 2007


Some should make a living being a real Paris Hilton.
posted by gottabefunky at 5:00 PM on March 9, 2007


+ -one
posted by gottabefunky at 5:00 PM on March 9, 2007


Hot? Just look at some photos! wtf?!? Any guy making $500,000 per year can pull waaay better *if* he's not a complete tool.

Seems dating kinda sucks in big ass cities like NYC.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:05 PM on March 9, 2007


I'll vouch for that, MattD. I was a broke-ass musician from New Jersey and I had no trouble meeting attractive women in New York.

It's really quite a wonderful place. These rich guys should try getting out of their offices sometime and just go hang out anywhere, not talk about money, and meet great women in New York.

Of course, getting a guy like that to not talk about money... heh.
posted by zoogleplex at 5:05 PM on March 9, 2007


That said, the idea of a Paris Hilton impersonator should be hailed as the greatest intellectual discovery since infinitesimals.

It's really weird, she looks like me from the side, but face on she looks like a paisty bitch. Also, infinitesimals? This is like the quadratic equation here.
posted by Paris Hilton at 5:11 PM on March 9, 2007


I knew someone who paid $20,000 to a dating service, so $500 seems pretty reasonable in that context. I've never paid squat to a dating service, but considering my track record before I met my wife perhaps I should have. Also, while getting laid is pretty easy in our society for someone who is reasonably attractive and/or socially skilled, finding a marriageable prospect is considerably more difficult. If you demand a large age disparity, I'd suspect the difficulty goes up.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:30 PM on March 9, 2007


The kind of shmuck whose net worth makes that $20 seem equivalent to the $4.50 that you pay for a copy of Hustler at your local convenience store.

For anyone with access to google, porn is free. Even freer than music. This matters a lot, in the context of the economics of sex. We're still in the culture shift, so we can only look at trends and speculate, but I expect over the next two generations the effects of this will be significant.


But see, that's just the point. Why are these rich successful guys shmucks? Because they're paying (what we consider to be) lots of money for something that most people can get for free.
posted by googly at 5:44 PM on March 9, 2007


Any guy making $500,000 per year can pull waaay better *if* he's not a complete tool.

I have yet to meet someone in that income bracket who isn't a complete fucking tool.
posted by jason's_planet at 5:44 PM on March 9, 2007


The thing is, these are rich ugly old men. I'm a semi-broke marginally-cute skirt-chasing NYer and I get over in a Rover-like fashion - but I do hope to be rich before I'm too much older and uglier...

On the other hand, this is at least partially a set-up. I know one woman who went (she isn't mentioned in the linked article but has been in others); she already has a rich ex-musician restauranteur boyfriend to whom she's pretty devoted. I think the organizers stocked the room with some hot girlfriends of theirs who may not have been available - which makes the rich men who paid $500 each look all the dumber.
posted by nicwolff at 5:56 PM on March 9, 2007


Okay, so I read the comments before R'ingTFA - but that fake Paris Hilton really *is* Fake Paris Hilton. What a life.

I remember when I bought this book, a collection of essays on Dutch urban planning, called "Understanding Amsterdam". One time I was reading it on our way to a gig, and our drummer said, "Dude - nobody understands Amsterdam". I guess this is how I feel right now about New Amsterdam.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:58 PM on March 9, 2007


HUNTING SEASON Animal-print frock, plunging décolletage, deep tan: hallmarks of the cougar in its prime.

I lol'd. I hope she's pissed about that cougar snark.
posted by ninjew at 7:32 PM on March 9, 2007


I'm poor and below-average-looking and I'm happily coupled up, so I'm doing better than these fucks.

It's very rare that I can feel this smug. I'm going to savor it.

*savors*
posted by jonmc at 8:14 PM on March 9, 2007


Hey Mefite Paris Hilton, prove you're the REAL Real Paris Hilton.

After all, I proved I really am a real curmudgeon.
posted by davy at 8:14 PM on March 9, 2007


"Chasing money is no more objectively repugnant than chasing skirts."

True enough, especially since with a big penis and/or a big gun one can get both for FREE.

(I look so cute in my FREE skirt.)
posted by davy at 8:21 PM on March 9, 2007


When I close my eyes and Barbara Eden grants me my wish, "Macho Man" Randy Savage suddenly arrives at one of these speed dates and makes everything six flavors of awesome.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:32 PM on March 9, 2007


Funny. I talked to a woman about 10 years younger than me. Wearing my shit-kickers, sitting by my beat up truck.

How she got into my shit-kickers I'll never know.
posted by hal9k at 5:20 AM on March 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


the one where the whore meets the millionaire but the millionaire actually turns out to be a nice guy.

Oh, even asshole millionaires are usually nice guys to their whores until they get bored with them and look for another. Because it isn't a one-time payment. A proper gold-digger keeps on charging until the divorce settlement. And a proper whore never does anything for free.

It works out well for everyone. Soulless men with greedy eyes, too much money to spend, and an intense need for public approval of their alphaness, conferred by a woman of a certain specific type, finding desperate women with 5-10 years of marketability before the sag and the wrinkle destroy their ability to compete for johnshusbands, as there is a never-ending supply of 20-something pretties from Long Island and New Jersey and beyond, constantly flowing into the pool and batting their pretty eyelashes at the financiers at Bungalow 8. And a constant supply of insecure bridge-and-tunnel finance guys trying to look the part of a bigshot and imagining themselves as Donald Trump. At least what they have to sell -- their net worth -- keeps on growing (unlike certain other parts of their anatomy) even after they get old and ugly. Give the women a break -- they have a very narrow window of opportunity to cash in and sell what they've got.

What this city needs is a disastrous housing price crash. A stock market correction of 5000 points would help too. Then NYC would also have a serious porn industry, just like LA, to use up the surplus supply of whores and the meager investment capital of their johns. At least then we could watch them fuck, which is a lot better than watching them speed date.

LOL NYC. Love it. /misanthropy
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:35 AM on March 10, 2007


fourcheesemac: there's a lot more to NYC than these dipshits, trust me.
posted by jonmc at 6:57 AM on March 10, 2007


Okay, wow. I was going to post a link to the advertisement for this event a while ago before it actually happened, but I refrained because I actually have an axe to grind with the cafe that this event took place in and the owner of the establishment, so I thought it best to refrain. But now that someone else has posted about it instead, I'll be happy to dive right in.

One of my fiancé's bands was the house band every Friday at said location. I would show up to watch to the dismay of the owner, whose life I obviously made miserable simply by ruining his carefully cultivated atmosphere of otherwise pneumatic and surgically altered lone female patrons and the men who felt they could buy their way to *anything* (which was probably true, in their experience).

Bruno wasn't paying the band enough money to tell them I'd have to stay home, so instead I was subjected to his ongoing, quietly seething, attitude. The experience of seeing how the patrons of places like this behave, their attitudes, values, and mindsets was completely eye-opening. What I once thought was stereotypical fictionalized portrayals of the uber rich became a harsh realization of the reality of the divides between the very rich and the rest of the world.

I sat on my stool at the bar and thought "if the poor and struggling people in America could sit where I sit right now and watch this world unfold, there would be riots and a bloody revolution and people being strung up on lamp posts."

Good thing I'm a pacifist.

Anyway, any night at this place was *exactly* like this speed dating event, only without the enforced structure of a time limit. I stopped being able to drag myself there for shows because my discomfort level grew with every visit. The last straw for everyone was when I arrived for what ended up being the band's last show with a close male friend from years back, and the hostess wasn't sure she approved of his shoes. (they were not athletic shoes, but I guess they weren't dressy enough for a man who wasn't a billionaire- there were quite a few of those inside dressed in track suits). She called the owner out to decide whether we should be let in, and after much fuming he said "I'll have to hide you in the back (of the room)". Which he did.

The band quit that night.

But these people in the Radar article- they really do exist. In larger numbers than one expects. And I wish I never learned that.
posted by stagewhisper at 10:16 AM on March 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


fourcheesemac: there's a lot more to NYC than these dipshits, trust me. posted by jonmc

Oh, I know. I have lived in NYC for more than a decade. Even this city's absurdities (like the social world of gold-diggers and finance boys) are better than LA's (or any other city's) charms.

I do believe NYC should secede and become a sovereign entity.

/chauvinism
posted by fourcheesemac at 7:27 AM on March 11, 2007


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