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Belfast Bobbies Bust Beho For Nicking Knickers.
March 9, 2007 4:11 PM   Subscribe

Elf Defense. A man accused of a stealing underwear from a shop in a knifepoint raid believed he was a female elf at the time. He was found guilty. The man believed he was playing Shadowrun at the time.
posted by Joey Michaels (36 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
We've all been there.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:19 PM on March 9, 2007


Perfect: Another nutter whose excuses tar a game instead of taking responsibility for being a nutter. Funnier than most of these sorts of stories, though. Thanks, Joey Michaels.
posted by cgc373 at 4:20 PM on March 9, 2007


But the elf's name is Buho, for the record.
posted by cgc373 at 4:21 PM on March 9, 2007


What a 'tard. I mail order all that so I never have to leave my apartment wearing my mageweave stockings.
posted by elendil71 at 4:22 PM on March 9, 2007


Wait. Strike that last. I am teh idiot. "Beho lives!"
posted by cgc373 at 4:22 PM on March 9, 2007


I'm guessing his role for evasiveness was a bust.

Probably a dark elf, anyway.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:26 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


People still play Shadowrun? I lost all awareness of it when FASA went bust.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:29 PM on March 9, 2007


This "Shadowrun" game encourages impressionable youth to pretend they are godless mythical creatures who are also computer hackers? Won't anyone think of the children?
posted by neckro23 at 4:30 PM on March 9, 2007


Ok, roll 5 d6 against winding up in the paper.
posted by nola at 4:35 PM on March 9, 2007 [3 favorites]


Elf elf baby.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:36 PM on March 9, 2007


where's the hypertext link to a Shadowrun emulator? C'mon people, get on it.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 4:45 PM on March 9, 2007


I've played RPGs with people a little bit like that.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:07 PM on March 9, 2007


This is why Shadowrun (and it's retarded bastard parasitic twin, RIFTS) has been banned outright from gaming tables the world over. It's so stupid that it makes people crazy.

Right. A mostly cybernetic totally ripped and wired merc mage elf gridrunner. 8 feet tall, 650 pounds. No posse required. And you rolled that with whose dice, exactly? Excuse me!? Yendor's dice!? You actually expect me to suspend my disbelief so far up the dark, stanky folds of my own rectum to accept that you personally know Yendor, a myth within a myth within the single greatest computer RPG of all time, and further, that he has a set of dice, and, assumably, is a gamer,and that you personally touched and rolled these stats with said dice? You see this? This is a rather large knife. It is very sharp. It's made of metal, and not foam, PVC and duct tape. I'm going to place this knife on the table in front of me, calmly close my eyes and count to ten. Then I'm going to open them. If you are not completely out of my sight when I do open them, I'm going to hurt you with this very sharp knife very badly. If you're lucky I'll let you keep your dice. Somewhere close to your heart. Have I made myself perfectly clear?
posted by loquacious at 5:11 PM on March 9, 2007 [3 favorites]


Shadowrun was a lot of fun. Also, there was a jaw-droppingly amazing short story in the first Virtual Realities book by somebody, who as far as I know, never made a career in sci-fi, which, in my opinion validated the entire existence of the game.

Unfortunately, the author never wrote much else after that, as far as I've been able to tell.
posted by empath at 5:15 PM on March 9, 2007


No! Not Blackleaf!
posted by gamera at 5:21 PM on March 9, 2007


ROFFLE

seriously. roffle.
posted by exlotuseater at 5:28 PM on March 9, 2007


From the article: During the three-day trial, the jury heard that Boyd wore a disguise of a blonde curly wig, reading glasses and a beany hat.

So that's why he stole pretty underwear... His current cosplay gear just wasn't cutting it.
posted by CKmtl at 5:39 PM on March 9, 2007


"Do you think she wants to hear about your Drizzt clone?"
posted by Smilla's Sense of Snark at 6:08 PM on March 9, 2007


There should be an otherkin tag.
posted by SPrintF at 6:57 PM on March 9, 2007


Heeerre's Befo!
posted by geos at 7:16 PM on March 9, 2007


"So...what're you here for?"
"Armed robbery. Yourself?"
"'Ra' and 'Ri' show high status. 'Ri' is the highest status among the Khajiit, used by leaders of cities or tribes."
"Um, whuh?"
"I'm Ra'Gruzgob, the Khajiit. You like Ra'Gruzgob? Ra'Gruzgob likes you."
"Uh, guard? Guard?"
"That's right. Ra'Gruzgob the Khajiit. How do you like my tail?"
"GUARD! GUARD!"
"What? You never seen a Khajiit before?"
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:19 PM on March 9, 2007 [2 favorites]


I miss my Shadowrun sessions. Not enough that I want to dress up and get myself arrested to play them out, but I do miss them.
posted by Kickstart70 at 7:30 PM on March 9, 2007


There should be an otherkin tag

Dragoncats, werezebras and beaverponies, oh my!
posted by loquacious at 8:07 PM on March 9, 2007


I may as well use this thread to talk about the best Shadowrun character I ever played. Here's the thing-- I don't like Shadowrun. I don't like the universe, I don't like how character creation plays to the most pathetic adolescent power fantasies... I wanted to rebel against the whole paradigm.

Enter George Tanaka. Human, age 31. No cyberware. No magic. No weapons skills, or any combat ability beyond a little karate. Employed as a mid-level corporate accountant. When he was 23, his parents died in a car accident on New Year's Eve, and he collected big on the life insurance. The loss, however, left him with a phobia of accidental death, so he spent a lot of money on a big fat DocWagon contract.

The first game I ran him in, the party ended up in a huge firefight. He was the only person to escape unscathed, because when the first shot was fired, he dropped to the ground and didn't move until the fight was over.

Best Shadowrun character ever. Good times.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:21 PM on March 9, 2007 [2 favorites]


Are we sure he thought he was an elf & not an underpants gnome?
posted by scalefree at 8:33 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


1. Play Shadowrun
2. Steal underwear while armed with a knife
3. ????
4. PROFIT!!!
posted by kyleg at 9:10 PM on March 9, 2007


Also, there was a jaw-droppingly amazing short story in the first Virtual Realities book by somebody, who as far as I know, never made a career in sci-fi, which, in my opinion validated the entire existence of the game.

I feel the same way about Title Deleted For Security Reasons.
posted by dreamsign at 10:22 PM on March 9, 2007


... the best Shadowrun character I ever played.

And I thought Milton Rowe, my brick-wielding, Call of Cthulu dentist was awesome ...
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:10 PM on March 9, 2007


I think it's unfortunate and unjust that this man was found guilty. (bear with me, here). Here we have a middle-aged employed individual who is seeing a psychiatrist for mental health issues committing a completely irrational crime for completely irrational reasons, and yet the court failed to find him irrational (which he obviously is). This man needs continued mental help, not to go to jail.

Apart from that, Shadowrun is cool.
posted by mek at 11:51 PM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


I especially like the fact that the Metro story (second link) shows a picture of a perfectly ordinary woman captioned "What a female elf may look like."
posted by languagehat at 5:46 AM on March 10, 2007


languagehat, that photo is of Liv Tyler playing Arwen in "Lord of the Rings." Hence, female elf.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:48 AM on March 10, 2007


Plus, Liv Tyler is not a "perfectly ordinary woman," she is a goddess of... um... She's really hot, is what I'm saying.
posted by dirigibleman at 7:44 AM on March 10, 2007


Bummer, chummer.
posted by picea at 7:51 AM on March 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


indeed ^^
posted by gamerfreak at 8:05 AM on March 10, 2007


Ah, sorry. You young people and your strange goddesses.

*goes back to worshiping Brigitte Bardot*
posted by languagehat at 10:23 AM on March 10, 2007


Since the comments have mostly died down, let me just say that the main reason I posted this is because I was just dying to write that headline.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:06 AM on March 13, 2007


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