Is that a crotch-to-air missle in your pocket or are you just OH MY GOD RUN

March 10, 2007 4:50 PM

The Codpiece [coral cache] - An illustrated review of what is quite possibly one of the worst comic books of all time. (Not safe for anyone.)
posted by loquacious (47 comments total)

Does this load slow for anyone else?
posted by nola at 4:55 PM on March 10, 2007

Yeah, the server looks like it's going to tip over.

For slow servers, please use this Coral Cache link.
posted by loquacious at 4:59 PM on March 10, 2007

BOOBIE MISSILES!

In the anime Mahoromatic Mahoro, the title character, is a retired combat android working as a maid. (It's a long story.) At one point when it's thought that she's in danger, her parent organization issues her a special bra, and when she says "Boobie Missiles" the bra cups transform into missiles which strike the enemy and destroy it.

I can't get this site to load, but it can't be any stranger than that was. (It was animated!)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 5:08 PM on March 10, 2007

BOOBIE MISSILES!

Don't forget the video for Supercar's "White Surf Style 5" (mefi, youtube). Also, I think the boob-missiles there are lifted from some early robot anime, but I'm not sure.
posted by grobstein at 5:14 PM on March 10, 2007

Pollack's Doom Patrol never lived up to the Morrison glory days, of course, but this is still some grade-A comic crack. I'm not sure I can entirely imagine a world in which this is 'one of the worst comic books of all time', but I'm certainly glad I don't live there.

More (Morrison) Doom Patrol Marvellousness.
posted by terpsichoria at 5:16 PM on March 10, 2007

Ain't no Beardhunter, that's for damn sure.

*Curls up into a ball, whispers "Doom Patrol ended with #63, yesyesyes, #63, no Doom Patrol after that, no sir, nonono..."*

MeFi FunFact #40784: MetaFilter's Very Own^TM Superfrankenstein edited the last 20 issues or so of Teh Bestest Comic Series Evar.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:21 PM on March 10, 2007

Curse your eyes, terpsichoria!
How did you know forgetting to preview my comments was my one weakness?!?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:23 PM on March 10, 2007

Upon non-preview, I see that your Scans_Daily links aren't the same as mine. *Retracts curse, shuts up, slinks off*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:31 PM on March 10, 2007

That book is in now way the worst comic of the 90s, let alone of all time. There's absolutely no way that a Vertigo comic would be in that category.
posted by empath at 5:39 PM on March 10, 2007

(is in no way)
posted by empath at 5:39 PM on March 10, 2007

Beard Hunter = enormous win, I was lazy and picked the first three posts.
posted by terpsichoria at 5:40 PM on March 10, 2007

More worst comic books ever.

Still more worst comic books ever.

Yet still more worst comic books ever.

Even yet still more worst comic books ever.

Lamest superheroes ever.

Comic. Book. Guy.
posted by ZachsMind at 5:43 PM on March 10, 2007 [4 favorites]

And who could forget Mr Kitty's Stupid Comics
posted by zabuni at 5:50 PM on March 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Cock punch!
posted by anthill at 5:54 PM on March 10, 2007

Hmm... you know mocking something that is already a satire of something fairly crap for being itself being crap is poor form, even if the satire is written by Rachel Pollack and therefore a bit rubbish.
posted by Artw at 6:00 PM on March 10, 2007

Yeah, it's kinda like making fun of Scary Movie for not being scary.
posted by empath at 6:05 PM on March 10, 2007

Artw wins. There are plenty of comic books that are unintentionally bad. Making fun of something that makes fun of those just makes it look like you "don't get it."
posted by jessenoonan at 6:10 PM on March 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

It is pretty funny though.
posted by Mister_A at 6:54 PM on March 10, 2007

Artw wins. There are plenty of comic books that are inintentionally bad. Making fun of something that makes fun of those just makes it look like you "don't get it."

And whom, exactly, is not "getting it" here? The satirer or the satiree? Evan Dorkin would cockpunch these half-assed tracing-artists into a bukakke-coma.

Just because it's satire doesn't mean it, itself, is free from mocking. Please. That dude has scissors coming out of his robotic crotch. That's not satire. That's the fevered imaginations of someone who has been huffing paint thinner a bit too long.
posted by loquacious at 7:08 PM on March 10, 2007

Reminds me of Carter Nash... "Captain Nice".. yes I'm old but not that old.
posted by infini at 7:30 PM on March 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

In my mind, anything other people say to him are just hallucinations he's having.

i think it's great. Taking the one hillariously bad comic, and making it a badge for his misspent youth.

eskimo. es-ki-mo~
posted by kickback at 7:41 PM on March 10, 2007

Do not let superpowered transgendered individuals who used to be prostitutes wearing frog masks touch your willy.

Holy shit. In my neighborhood, there are, like, A WHOLE BUNCH of superpowered transgendered individuals who wear frog masks AND they hang out two blocks from my train station.

If I hadn't encountered this web page, I might actually have let one of them touch my willy.

Thank you for posting this, loquacious.

Whew!
posted by jason's_planet at 7:43 PM on March 10, 2007

That dude has scissors coming out of his robotic crotch. That's not satire.

Huh? I just can't agree. I mean, to criticize it as weak satire is fine, but to criticize it because the very idea of it is absurd seems a bit off the mark. It seems to me that the comic is mocking the whole idea of superpowers / supersuits as juvenile male fantasy inspired by feelings of inadequacy, and that's the whole point of the super-penis. (Uh... If you will.)
posted by whir at 7:45 PM on March 10, 2007

Keep in mind, this was Doom Patrol.
posted by verb at 7:49 PM on March 10, 2007

I'm sort of partial to Manuel Pacifico, Tuna Fisherman, who stops at nothing to bag the tuna. Or something.
Okay, maybe he's not that super, but his name makes me snicker. I'm so immature.
posted by maryh at 7:50 PM on March 10, 2007

Worst? People don't understand what the word "worst" means. This is clearly the greatest comic of all time.
posted by delmoi at 7:55 PM on March 10, 2007

I agree, there's something amiss in mocking satire without acknowledging the essential satire. Yes, it's absurd. It's absurd because it's pointing out the absurdity of the thing by making it impossibly absurd.

Ripping apart a satire for being a bad satire, though, that's something different -- he should try it sometime.
posted by dhartung at 7:57 PM on March 10, 2007

Huh? I just can't agree. I mean, to criticize it as weak satire is fine

I am. However, I can't speak for the writer of the review.
posted by loquacious at 8:08 PM on March 10, 2007

one time in law school i dropped into a little chinese place for lunch, and there was the special du jour on the blackboard:

sweet and sour cod pieces
posted by bruce at 8:28 PM on March 10, 2007

Wow. I followed Doom Patrol back when the Scissor Men appeared and loved it, but this was a suprise.

Not a good one.
posted by squidfartz at 8:31 PM on March 10, 2007

Thanks to ZachsMind, I fell in love tonight -- with Arm Fall Off Boy. But the funniest thing is when comicbook geeks get all bent out of shape and start foaming: "God, that 'Arm Fall Off Boy' -- He had the balls to try to get into the Superpower League??? With what 'powers', exactly? He was WEAK, people! Utterly WEAK!!!"
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:33 PM on March 10, 2007

sweet and sour cod pieces

Oddly enough I just saw a store who had those for sale. In the window, no less. They looked like they might have been cherry flavored. They certainly were... red. And codpiece-y.

Granted, I just moved to San Francisco and I was on the #24 crosstown MUNI bus going through the Castro District, so your particular storefront mileage may vary.
posted by loquacious at 8:40 PM on March 10, 2007

You remember that magazine ASTOUNDING SCIENCE FICTION?

The Codpiece is more Astounding.
posted by sweet mister at 8:43 PM on March 10, 2007

Thank you for this. Grant Morrison is a cod among mortals.

Also, the premise behind the superhero known as The Quiz amuses me to no end.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:11 PM on March 10, 2007

Dunno, my previous encounters with Rachael Pollack were Unquenchable Fire and Temporary Agency — both of which I liked — and The Codpiece was really nowhere as odd as I expected from those.
posted by hattifattener at 12:10 AM on March 11, 2007

Cool....never seen the Codpiece before. That gives me an idea for a comic....
posted by metasonix at 12:56 AM on March 11, 2007

The piece of cod that passeth all understanding.
posted by Grangousier at 1:20 AM on March 11, 2007

That was sheer brillance. I want it made into a movie.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:08 AM on March 11, 2007

Puts a whole new meaning to "Sugar Tits". Fuck me, that site rocks.
posted by phaedon at 2:48 PM on March 11, 2007

I liked Pollack's run on DP. Sure, she was no Morrison, but really, who is? Morrison isn't even the same Morrison he was then.

Also, anyone who thinks this is one of the worst comics of all time is operating with a very small sample.
posted by mkhall at 3:54 PM on March 11, 2007

I was the editor who hired Rachel to write Doom Patrol--my favorite title, and hers, too--and I'd do it again. I expected that, hit or miss, she'd express her own personality, her own sensibility, and not some warmed-over, received, karaoke comic book bullshit. DP deserved no less, and she delivered. I wish she'd write more comics.
posted by Superfrankenstein at 4:37 PM on March 11, 2007

I forgot to add: The Codpiece could beat the Mirror Master with one ball tied behind his back. Which would hurt.
posted by Superfrankenstein at 4:41 PM on March 11, 2007

Really, there is/was nobody who could have taken filled the gap that Morrison left when he quit the Doom Patrol. Rachel Pollack did a good job, considering the shoes to she had to fill. And if people thought the Codpiece is weird, they never read Flex Mentallo, Man of Muscle Mystery.
posted by lekvar at 5:08 PM on March 11, 2007

Agreed, phaedon:

Rules of the Brain Worm:
#1: Don't do drugs.
#1a: Don't perform oral sex on people with an alien in their pants.
#2: Don't ever join a Fraternity or a Sorority.
#2a: Never store mass quantities of human brains in your basement.
#3: Do not poke alien larva with a stick.
#4: Do not poke alien larva with a stick.
#5: See that stick? It's not for poking alien larva.

posted by Ritchie at 8:01 PM on March 11, 2007

Ritchie, from the swamp thing review:

Get this: The Leech-Thing has a random goofy guy pinned to a tree. His horrible fanged maw is about to suck moist tissue right off the guy when he hears a noise. Now instead of just turning his head to see what it is, the Leech Thing pushed the guy away and takes a step back as if he wasn't doing anything wrong. It's a classic "Oh Crap, it's the Cops....act cool" moment. You see, Leech Thing has obviously heard this noise before. He knows what's coming. (On a related note, I really wish the Leech Thing could talk. I can just imagine it trying to pretend it wasn't just about to eat the guy: "No, everything's cool, officer. I was....uh...just helping this guy look for his glasses. Really.") But what the hell could a giant Leech monster have to be afraid of?
posted by phaedon at 8:18 PM on March 11, 2007

Doom Patrol creator Arnold Drake died yesterday.

.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:22 PM on March 13, 2007

This is fantastic. Excellent, wonderful, great.
posted by Methylviolet at 10:19 AM on March 15, 2007