I like my Yetis defective

March 24, 2007 11:49 PM

Captain America started Metafilter in 1999. Maybe not, but Defective Yeti is a consistent source of one-man-band goodness. Who can best The 30 least hot follow-ups to the 30 hottest things you can say to a naked woman or approach the caustic, laser-like wit of a would-be screenplay that begins with"CHENEY sits behind a desk. He is playing NINTENDOGS on his DS, but, instead of trying to teach them tricks, he is STABBING the puppies with his STYLUS." See the favorites page for a quick tour. Previous work from Matthew Baldwin has been here before.
posted by donovan (31 comments total)

"Call it "Trackr" or "Twitter" or something. Trust me, Doctor D.: the hipster and early adopters will eat, it, up!"

So sad, so true. Suckers.
posted by IronLizard at 12:23 AM on March 25, 2007

He is one of us.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:05 AM on March 25, 2007

Also wonderful for The Bad Review Revue
posted by kyleg at 1:38 AM on March 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

So then, um, gooble gobble?
posted by JHarris at 1:38 AM on March 26, 2007

How did I miss that list of 30? I have nothing but praise and funnybone envy for the Yeti; he's on my list of Funniest People on the Web...
posted by wendell at 1:49 AM on March 26, 2007

I strongly second the wonderfulness of the Bad Review Revue. Remember Alone in the Dark? Good times.
posted by SoftRain at 2:03 AM on March 26, 2007

He is one of us.

Aye: in accepted usage, 'Metafilter's own ______'
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:38 AM on March 26, 2007

Also, every time I read the name 'Matthew Baldwin' I think this:

EveryBruce: G'day!
Michael Baldwin: Hello.
Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce.
First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce?
Michael: No, it's Michael.
Second Bruce: That's going to cause a little confusion.
Third Bruce: Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?

posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:41 AM on March 26, 2007

If I could spit coffee all over my screen, I would.
posted by zaelic at 2:52 AM on March 26, 2007

This wasn't written by The Guy Of The Moment, but it's on his site, and is awesome:
http://www.defectiveyeti.com/archives/001745.html
posted by JHarris at 3:40 AM on March 26, 2007

I always remember the last line of the story he relates about (although not really about) horseradish:
"And now, a story. For about a decade I didn't eat horseradish. My mother served it to my sister and I when we were kids, but I never touched the stuff after I left the nest."
posted by blueberry at 3:36 AM on March 26, 2007

Thanks. This is really good.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:38 AM on March 26, 2007

I'd go to defectiveyeti more often, but I want something to look forward to.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:11 AM on March 26, 2007

His Merlot's pretty decent.
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:24 AM on March 26, 2007

Loves me some Yeti.
posted by qldaddy at 6:38 AM on March 26, 2007

not funny
posted by cellphone at 7:39 AM on March 26, 2007

Hi. Thanks, everyone. Yeah, been writing dy for five years now--when I started in in 2002, I drummed up my first traffic by posting 10$ textads here on Metafilter.

I've kind of been on the fence as to what to do with the site--I'm not devoting as much time to it as I used to, what with the fatherhood and the incapacitating addiction to Peggle. Plus, a lot of my past humor was derived at the expense of the Bush administration, but, now, what joke can you make about these guys that they themselves won't top with their Cavacade of Incompetence a week later?

While I doubt I will ever abandon it entirely, I have considered shelving it for a while--except, if I did, I don't know where I would jot down my humorous observations about yogurt.

Anyway, long story short: posts such as this one encourage to keep at it it a bit longer, and thanks for that.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 8:14 AM on March 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

The 30 hottest things was very, very funny.
posted by blahblahblah at 8:38 AM on March 26, 2007

incapacitating addiction to Peggle

Haven't you heard? That's the street name for pachinko! Just walk away, man!
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:54 AM on March 26, 2007

Nooooooo!!!!!!! Do not shelve the yeti!!! Bad enough that the internet has been out of the blue crack for the last 24 hours, if you take DY away I probably will snap completely and start wandering the streets twitching uncontrollably and muttering to Jah.

And we wouldn't want that. I adore Defective Yeti. I never comment, but I love it and I read it, so thank you for doing it.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:10 AM on March 26, 2007

Shadowkeeper,

Thank you for Defective Yeti.

Damn you for Peggle.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:18 AM on March 26, 2007

Seconding the 'Save the Yeti' sentiment. DY is one of about four sites that I check daily. If you take that down, Shadowkeeper, you have to provide us with equivalent awesome in some other form.
posted by gurple at 9:38 AM on March 26, 2007

Oooh, I loved all the links!
posted by drezdn at 10:34 AM on March 26, 2007

Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito.

How is this hot? When I think sexy food or think 'wow someone is going to cook something for me,' I don't think "burrito." Have these men's health authors actually done or said any of these things to a real girl, or do they just bounce their ideas off the token sensitive guy in the office?
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:53 AM on March 26, 2007

Yes, keep it Shadowkeeper. It is a Good Thing. If anything, what you should be doing is making your RSS feed easier to find (I had to put you through the gears of Google Reader to find it), and supplying one for the Bad Movie Revue.

By the way everyone, this site seems to be the source of that "Bush Administration text adventure" thing that made the rounds a year or two ago.
posted by JHarris at 11:58 AM on March 26, 2007

I just put a link to the XML feed at the top of the sidebar, thanks.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:26 PM on March 26, 2007

Heh heh, I’d like to have sexual intercourse with a naked woman....if you know what I mean. Heh heh.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:01 PM on March 26, 2007

So...you just say “You sleep; I'll go check on the baby” and don’t actually do that?

Baby: Waaaw. Waaaaah.
Man: “You sleep; I'll go check on the baby”
Woman: “Oh, thanks hon.”
Man - *doesn’t move*.
Baby: Waaaaa. Waaaaaaaah.
Woman: “Uh...you gonna...”
Man: “Shhhh....sleep; I'll take care of it.”
Woman: “Ok.” starts falling back to sleep.
Baby: WAAAAAaaaw.
Woman “Look, if you don’t want...”
Man: “Sleep. It’s ok.”
Woman: “No, no, I’ll...”
Man: “SLEEP! SLEEP NOW!”
Baby: WAAAAAAAAA!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!
Man - *Forcibly holds woman down, covers her mouth*
Man: *desparate, screaming* SLEEEEEP! SLEEEEEEEEEP!”
(and then it gets ugly)
posted by Smedleyman at 3:02 PM on March 26, 2007

Don't stop Defective Yeti, Matt. It is, I believe, my favorite blog.
posted by Kwine at 5:22 PM on March 26, 2007

The favorites page is missing one of my all-time favorites: Brash Machine, about the aggressively informal ATM.
posted by llamateur at 11:03 AM on March 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Donovan you know he used to live practically up the road from you. You guys don't know each other?

what joke can you make about these guys that they themselves won't top with their Cavacade of Incompetence a week later?

I think Tom Lehrer stoppped when Kissinger won the Nobel Prize. Wikipedia says it's just a legend though.
posted by jessamyn at 6:44 PM on March 27, 2007