Jump back, wanna kiss myself!

June 6, 2007 9:02 PM

If you could kiss yourself, would you? These photos make it happen, and the results are ... disturbing. Site is in French.
posted by bwg (82 comments total)

Some nudity, might not be safe for work.
posted by bwg at 9:03 PM on June 6, 2007

Ha! These are awesome!

This is my favorite.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 9:04 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

That is awesome.
posted by milarepa at 9:08 PM on June 6, 2007

Why did they shoot only homosexuals?
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:08 PM on June 6, 2007 [13 favorites]

Only kiss? :(
posted by Bletch at 9:08 PM on June 6, 2007

Dude, I would TOTALLY do my clone.
posted by papakwanz at 9:12 PM on June 6, 2007

Hell yes I'd kiss myself. And then film it and sell it online and become famous and stuff. It'd be awesome.

Know what else is awesome? Hitler. No, wait. These photos!
posted by liquorice at 9:14 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Twins?
posted by oflinkey at 9:18 PM on June 6, 2007

More on the concept.
posted by Partial Law at 9:18 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I Babelfish'ed the little paragraph in the opening in the hopes that it would give some explanation of the process, and this is what I got:

The marvellous one in the photograph, it is that it collects a glance, a gesture, one moment, fugacious reality from where the emotion spouts out. However, which is presented here does not exist, never existed and will never exist. But the technical control makes that one is there, in front of, like a funambulist on his wire, in unstable balance between I believe it and I do not believe it. These moments were invented by Pupsam. And yet, yes, it is report, because it was necessary to arrive from there there a long investigation and great interior voyages: Starting from an agreeing individual, to imagine together its meeting with itself (not another, not its double) to form a couple which will be embraced, then to track the posture, the spark in the?il, finally the abandonment with the other which is me to give to see the impossible kiss monstrueusement, impudic. Then? moments desired, dreamed, hidden with the bottom of us, denied... taboo! Perhaps fugacious unreality from where the disorder spouts out.

posted by papakwanz at 9:18 PM on June 6, 2007 [2 favorites]

Somewhere in the world, Christina Amphlett is smiling.
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 9:20 PM on June 6, 2007

Somewhere else in the world, Christina Applegate is frowning.
posted by item at 9:24 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

This site is worthless without Spock with/without goatee.
posted by dreamsign at 9:28 PM on June 6, 2007 [3 favorites]

*shudders*
posted by dreamsign at 9:29 PM on June 6, 2007

I'd do my clone if he were a little taller and wasn't such a selfish prick.
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:29 PM on June 6, 2007 [8 favorites]

Fortune cookie wisdom : The best love is self-love.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:30 PM on June 6, 2007

Metafilter: fugacious reality from where the emotion spouts out.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:36 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Yeah, that sounds kinda French.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:37 PM on June 6, 2007

Number 5 is sort of hilarious.
posted by interrobang at 9:37 PM on June 6, 2007

Most of the guys totally French kiss themselves. Sluts!
posted by Miastar at 9:37 PM on June 6, 2007

Shit, I know people who go through their entire life like this.
posted by gottabefunky at 9:42 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I can, and I rarely do.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 9:44 PM on June 6, 2007

I have my tongue in my own mouth right now!
posted by jewzilla at 9:45 PM on June 6, 2007 [8 favorites]

Is that incest, or masturbation?
posted by fandango_matt at 9:46 PM on June 6, 2007

Deleted scene from LOST.
posted by bjork24 at 9:48 PM on June 6, 2007

I always counted clone sex as masturbation, except with less RSI...
posted by Samizdata at 9:51 PM on June 6, 2007

Garlic breath, canker sores, mono ... I'm so there here!
posted by rob511 at 9:56 PM on June 6, 2007

Does anyone remember the "Max on Max" segments from Conan O'Brien? Those disturbed me greatly. Same concept. Eww.
posted by peep at 10:00 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

holy creepy.
posted by mathowie at 10:00 PM on June 6, 2007

It's monstrueusement!
posted by gomichild at 10:08 PM on June 6, 2007

I always counted clone sex as masturbation, except with less RSI...

Ye gods, initially read as clown sex.

I'm thinking: nude websurfing is one thing; put away the white makeup and floppy shoes, for godsake.

Also: this needs to be done with Mummenschantz.
posted by dreamsign at 10:11 PM on June 6, 2007

I...I don't get it. Why is it that the idea of doing twins is totally hot but this is fucking creepy as hell?
posted by hindmost at 10:11 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Is it wrong that I get creeped out by the guys and totally turned on by the girls?

I guess that means I'm not gay.

Can I clone a girl version of myself? That would probably be incredibly awesome or impossibly shitty.
posted by loquacious at 10:14 PM on June 6, 2007

While we're on the subject...

Gawd, I'm an idiot.
posted by converge at 10:24 PM on June 6, 2007

Star Trek VI, Captain Kirk is fighting an alien shape shifter...
Captain James T. Kirk: I can't believe I kissed you.
Martia (appearing as Kirk): Must have been your lifelong ambition.
posted by bobo123 at 10:29 PM on June 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I want a picture of me kissing me. I want it now. I will pay.

Seriously, it would be unimaginably awesome to have a 5x7 of my making out with myself on my desk when students stopped by to chat.

(I don't read French well enough to slog through the website, do they do commission work? Can anyone tell me?)
posted by oddman at 10:30 PM on June 6, 2007

Pshaw, who needs this fancy digital technology; photographer Joel-Peter Witkin was able to create the same effect using only a corpse and a hacksaw.
posted by dgaicun at 11:01 PM on June 6, 2007 [5 favorites]

Can I clone a girl version of myself? That would probably be incredibly awesome or impossibly shitty.

The answer is 'both'.

David Gerrold, The Man Who Folded Himself.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 11:07 PM on June 6, 2007

converge: I fucking love that song. It's like a nerdy Eminem.
posted by papakwanz at 11:26 PM on June 6, 2007

John Varley also writes about clones and sex in a few places, notably in "The Phantom of Kansas." That story's also got an artist whose medium is weather in enclosed "disneylands" on the Moon. Have fun.
posted by cgc373 at 11:59 PM on June 6, 2007

John Varley also writes about clones and sex in a few places, notably in "The Phantom of Kansas."

See? It IS Kansas Week on Metafilter!
posted by amyms at 12:27 AM on June 7, 2007

solosuck.com. Definitely NSFW, but more fun that kissing yourself IMO.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:29 AM on June 7, 2007

They are lovely photographs, but many of them don't look to me like someone kissing themself, but just like couples who have grown to look a lot alike (as many couples do). I'm not shocked by them - I have to remind myself that they are the same person, and not just two men or two women who strongly resemble each other and are wearing the same clothes (as couples also do, at least come laundry day).
posted by jb at 12:39 AM on June 7, 2007

Yeah, I really didn't need to see the solosuck site. kthxbye.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:26 AM on June 7, 2007

Yeah, I really didn't need to see the solosuck site. kthxbye.

What exactly did you think you were going to see when you went there? Bunnies and rainbows?
posted by Mikey-San at 1:47 AM on June 7, 2007 [6 favorites]

That site is hot as hell and I would definitely do myself to Montana and back. Which is a pretty long way.
posted by Drexen at 1:53 AM on June 7, 2007

My friends had a camera which let you take half of a photo, then take the other half, and combine them. It was meant for situations where there is only two of you and no one else to take the photo, so it'd look like you two were in the shot together.

Much hilarity ensued with that camera. A lot of fighting-oneself and feeding-oneself, but there is always a selfkiss photo.

(ha! I'd do myself too, out of curiosity. And I'd also like a selfkiss photo if that was possible.)
posted by divabat at 2:21 AM on June 7, 2007

Sod that, I'm a lousy kisser.
posted by chrismear at 2:24 AM on June 7, 2007

Feeling quite comfortably deviant here. I find this very hot and yes, I'd do me. I know what I want, when I want, dammit. And I'd want footage.

This is why people don't let me talk to small children too often.
posted by Jilder at 2:26 AM on June 7, 2007

OK, here's a translation of the site's text for the non-frenchy:

"The marvelous thing about a photo is that it captures a look, a gesture, an instant, a fleeting reality from which emotion springs. However, what is presented here does not exist, has never existed, and will never exist. But this technique puts us there, in front, like a tightrope walker on his rope, in an unstable balance between I believe it and I don't believe it.

"These instants were invented by Pupsam. And yet, indeed, this is a record of real events (reportage), since long searches and deep internal journeys were necessary to arrive here:

"Starting from one consenting individual, imagine together his encounter with himself (not another, but his double), to create a couple that will embrace each other, then trace their posture, the spark in their eyes, and finally the abandon to the other that is me, to make visible the impossible kiss, monstrously shameless. And so? moments that are desired, dreamed, hidden at the bottom of us, denied... taboo! Perhaps the fleeting reality from which trouble springs.

"Louis Samaria
posted by LMGM at 2:52 AM on June 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Oh, I forgot to translate the titles:

Selfkiss: report on the other half of the orange.

I'm guessing this is a similar expression to "the other side of the fence" in English.
posted by LMGM at 2:53 AM on June 7, 2007

Oh, and my favourite selfkiss is this one (NSFW). Now that's some man-booty.

Oh, and I would totally get a selfkiss pic, although I suspect the results would be far less pretty than these.
posted by LMGM at 2:57 AM on June 7, 2007

I like the ones where one self seems to be reluctant to be kissed by the other more eager self.

Does that count as Date Rape if you're the only one involved?
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:02 AM on June 7, 2007

Does that count as Date Rape if you're the only one involved?

Only if you slip roofies into your own drink when you're not looking.
posted by bwg at 3:41 AM on June 7, 2007

miss lynnster writes 'Yeah, I really didn't need to see the solosuck site. kthxbye.'

That must be why you just clicked on 'enter this site' without bothering to read the mountains of text that says stuff like:

"This free, sexually explicit Website contains hardcore sex pictures and videos of sexy gay and str8 selfsuckers sucking their own dicks and eating their own hot sperm."

Here's a tip for the future though, miss lynnster: websites that open to a disclaimer/age appropriate declaration almost always tend to be filled with more than just T and A.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:01 AM on June 7, 2007

Futhermore, websites that open to a disclaimer/age appropriate declaration without a single teaser pic on the first page are usually not for the weak.
posted by CautionToTheWind at 4:23 AM on June 7, 2007

Well done LMGM. You beat me too it. Not nearly as pretentious as Babelfish made it sound.
posted by Lezzles at 4:27 AM on June 7, 2007

Interesting concept, and skilled execution. This one made me laugh.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:38 AM on June 7, 2007

Also:

@Miss Lynnster: Obviously, the clearest case of penis envy I ever saw. Autofellatio does tend to bring it out in women.

Also:

"She gets too hungry for eating fast food,
She posts here often, and sometimes is nude,
She rarely whines though, when people get crude,
That's why Miss Lynnster is a tramp.

Sings like an angel, in torch songs and blues,
She bakes her cocktails, that's always good news,
She went to Egypt, saw pyramids too,
That's why Miss Lynnster is a tramp,

She makes her free, fresh posts on the blue,
Metamusic too,
Bowie on coke? Well that's OK

Lives in California, It's cold and it's damp,
That's why Miss Lynnster is a tramp.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:51 AM on June 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

slithy_tove, my wife and I long ago retitled David Gerrold's most perverted work as The Man Who Fondled Himself. Works much better.
posted by localroger at 5:25 AM on June 7, 2007

Björk self-kiss.
posted by hermitosis at 6:04 AM on June 7, 2007

You know, miss lynnster, if you just go ahead and choose a mate, all the sniffing and circling will end.
posted by hermitosis at 6:10 AM on June 7, 2007 [5 favorites]

I had to stop once I got to the mime. I just couldn't suspend my disbelief any longer. I mean, like anyone would kiss a mime.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:10 AM on June 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

GodfatherofSoulFilter
posted by kirkaracha at 6:19 AM on June 7, 2007

Is this where I confess how many self-kiss photos have been shot with the Mac PhotoBooth app on the more "private" computer, upstairs?

No? Kewl.

I think these triggered a bit of the uncanny valley revulsion, but were mostly disturbing because pretty much every "couple" save the two Erics had one clone with their eyes open, (and obviously not *into* it) and that shit always weirds me out.

And also? This thread, with "Clonefucker" as the backing track, totally made me forget about my shitty day prostituting my native tongue. Yay.
posted by squasha at 6:26 AM on June 7, 2007

Great, now we have the auto-fellatio URL in two threads.
posted by chuckdarwin at 6:31 AM on June 7, 2007

I have good breath, so yeah, I'd kiss myself. But I wouldn't sleep with myself. I snore.
posted by desjardins at 6:33 AM on June 7, 2007

This is new? It's what I spent my entire thirties doing - "doing" alternate versions of myself. (I spent my twenties breaking taboos. Figure that one out.) But now that I am in my forties, spending time with myself is played out. After all, maybe I have something to offere to someone besides myself/someone beside myself?

Also, now I know I really want to be a woman, to have all the extra parts cut-off and to be reconfigured, so I am saving for that. And to be honest, a man like me is painfully worthless. At least to a straight man or a straight woman.

After all, I'm a straight woman in a man's body.

(But, if it's any consolation, were it to happen? I understand that I am a very good kisser.)
posted by humannaire at 6:51 AM on June 7, 2007

Careful, self-kissing is the first step toward self-impregnation, and then who ya gonna sue for child-support? No one, that's who.

Well, I suppose you could always try to hang paternity on someone else, but if he asks for a DNA test you risk that embarrassing moment when, instead of just a ding or a buzz, the analysis machine starts playing that creepy Joker laugh from the end of "Batman" and then shorts out. And that's not the sort of thing that gets you invited back to the Maury Povich show.

Man, am I drunk.
posted by hermitosis at 6:54 AM on June 7, 2007

You're a funny drunk though. That's cool.
posted by vronsky at 8:18 AM on June 7, 2007

These are great!

Is that a reference to Earth Jam in the title?
posted by danb at 9:02 AM on June 7, 2007

I must try this.
posted by cowbellemoo at 9:20 AM on June 7, 2007

If you could kiss yourself, would you?

Good lord no! I've seen what I look like. Also, I learned a long time ago, don't get involved with a crazy person. It always ends badly.
posted by quin at 9:36 AM on June 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

I think I'm with Jilder in "feeling quite comfortably deviant." A few of those (Jean-Laurent and Vincent H. in particular) were super hot. I think it would be fabulous to have one of those of myself.

And I couldn't help but be reminded of an incident, back in my even more deviant college days, when I got to see a boy with whom I was involved passionately kiss another boy to whom he bore a surprising resemblance. I've always thought the twin thing was gross, but seeing what looked like a person I found attractive kiss what very nearly looked like themselves was intensely sexy. So clearly, these photos push a very odd button of mine.
posted by mostlymartha at 10:16 AM on June 7, 2007

C'est weird, mais c'est hawt aussi.
Oui, je failed La French 101. Je me not care.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:30 AM on June 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

cowbellemoo writes 'I must try this.'

I've been trying the autofellatio thing my whole life. During my teens, I seemed to be getting closer, closer, closer...

Then, at some point, my chances of succeeding began receeding, receeding, receeding -- until eventually, it was just a dot on the horizon.

I call out it's name -- "John! John Thomas!!" -- but the only response that I get is hollow, mocking laughter.

hermitosis writes 'You know, miss lynnster, if you just go ahead and choose a mate, all the sniffing and circling will end.'

                  .---._
              .--(. '  .).--.      . .-.
           . ( ' _) .)` (   .)-. ( ) '-'
          ( ,  ).        `(' . _)
        (')  _________      '-'
        ____[_________]                            ________
        \__/ | _ \  ||    ,;,;,,                  [________]
        _][__|(")/__||  ,;;;;;;;;,   __________   _| LILI |_
       /             | |          | |____      | |     \|   |
      (| .--.    .--.| |   ----   | |     ___  | |   |\     |
      /|/ .. \~~/ .. \_|_.-.__.-._|_|_.-.__.-._|_|_.-:_\.-._|
 ==+=/_|\ ' /~~\ ' /=+( o )( o )+==( o )( o )=+=( o )( o )+=
jgs='=='='--'==+='--'===+'-'=='-'==+=='-'+='-'===+='-'=='-'==+=

Choo-choo-choose me!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:43 AM on June 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

Then, at some point, my chances of succeeding began receeding, receeding, receeding -- until eventually, it was just a dot on the horizon.

Whether you meant it this way or not, what at a poetic expression for the gradual eclipsing of one's sexual organs by one's rounding figure! I'm imagining this as sort of a pale, flabby sunset.
posted by hermitosis at 11:37 AM on June 7, 2007

If I had two sets of lips, I'd kiss mahself, HAIIII!

(yes, I would, I'm sexy as hell)
posted by jonmc at 1:33 PM on June 7, 2007

I doubt I'd let me kiss myself.
posted by pax digita at 1:48 PM on June 7, 2007

I was recently thinking about how awesome it would be to have two of me, and that it would make rent a lot cheaper because both Daves would have jobs, but we wouldn't mind sharing the same space. But never once did it occur to me that we might kiss.

So I guess I don't have to worry about being totally in love with myself.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 3:41 PM on June 7, 2007

Obligatory youtube link.
posted by Dave Faris at 3:45 PM on June 7, 2007

I love me, I love me, I'm wild about myself
I love me, I love me, don't need nobody else
You may not like the way I look, but me thinks I look fine
I love to look into my eyes and say I'm mine, all mine

I love me, I love me, I love myself to death
I love me, I love me, 'til I'm all out of breath
I take me to a quiet place
Put my arms around my waist
If me gets fresh, I slap my face
I'm wild about myself

- Mel Blanc
posted by britain at 5:12 PM on June 7, 2007