Romance via vague, anonymous e-mail

October 29, 2007 10:52 AM

ProposalToMary.com I will send out the proposal to Mary to 50 complete strangers, people I don't know – hoping, that they will forward my proposal to as many people as possible, which in turn forward it etc. And some day, I hope, it will reach Mary, after it has travelled a very long way. Guess this guy isn't in a big rush to be with his one true love?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero (42 comments total)

Two years ago, I met a beautiful girl on a cruise ship travelling through the night from Italy to Greece; she was on her way to reunite with her true love on a Greek island somewhere. I give her my email address, out of friendship - she was curled in the corner of the dining hall with her sleeping bag and two suitcases - and to this day, the dumb cow is relentlessy sending me chain letters.

So that's what I have to say about this.
posted by phaedon at 11:03 AM on October 29, 2007 [15 favorites]

Run away, Mary - run fast. This guy is not only socially maladroit, he's also a spammer. Today, it's your proposal. What is it tomorrow? Online pokr 24-7? V1agra!!1!? Nigerian benefactors?

You can't build a marriage on spam.
posted by madamjujujive at 11:03 AM on October 29, 2007

If his destination is Mary's spam filter, then...
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:03 AM on October 29, 2007

I can expect to get this from my Grandma some day.
posted by chillmost at 11:05 AM on October 29, 2007 [4 favorites]

You forgot the "creepy" tag.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 11:07 AM on October 29, 2007

I say someone does a Whois, tracks Mary down, and we nip this meme in the bud.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 11:10 AM on October 29, 2007

He should've tried YouTube comments. "WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS, PLEASE HELP TO DISTRIBUTE IT TO OTHER PEOPLE OR A GIRL WITH NO ARMS WILL CRAWL INTO YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW AND KILL YOU WITH A BIG AXE!!!!"
posted by soundofsuburbia at 11:10 AM on October 29, 2007 [5 favorites]

I wonder if this is viral advertising for a movie? It seems suspicious.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:11 AM on October 29, 2007

For a long time I have tried to find a special way to propose marriage to my girlfriend Mary, whom I know for five years now. I wanted it very special, romantic and memorable, something our grandchildren would still remember.

Help me out here: is it more or less cynical to assume this is a hoaxer, rather than the work of a sincere idiot who thinks this really is a romantic gesture?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:11 AM on October 29, 2007

I don't know if "creepy" is quite right. I mean he's going the long way about mailing his girlfriend a poem, not asking a girl he met once on a subway to mary him. Just so long as this sort of thing doesn't catch on.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:13 AM on October 29, 2007

He should've tried YouTube comments. "WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS, PLEASE HELP TO DISTRIBUTE IT TO OTHER PEOPLE OR A GIRL WITH NO ARMS WILL CRAWL INTO YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW AND KILL YOU WITH A BIG AXE!!!!"

NO YOU ARE A MARY WITH NO ARMS AND A AX
THIS VIDEO IS GAY
posted by Greg Nog at 11:15 AM on October 29, 2007 [5 favorites]

I am so glad my fiance doesn't write poetry.
posted by desjardins at 11:15 AM on October 29, 2007

This is why we should never, ever use semen as hair gel.
posted by maudlin at 11:24 AM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

Help me out here: is it more or less cynical to assume this is a hoaxer, rather than the work of a sincere idiot who thinks this really is a romantic gesture?

I'm giving it even odds, really. It's just charming and restrained enough to be an actual clueless German native with great but not perfect English; and nothing about it (except for its neatly futile premise) has a real hook to it.
posted by cortex at 11:27 AM on October 29, 2007

Yes, because that's what I think of when I think romantic, is myspace bulletins and chain letters. My heart, it is all aflutter and such.
posted by shmegegge at 11:29 AM on October 29, 2007

I'm also wondering how many ladies there are out there who:

- are named Mary
- are in a serious relationship with a German dude
- are waiting on a proposal, and
- are going to be pretty pissed when this isn't what they thought.

It's got to be a smallish set, but I'm kind of hoping for non-zero.
posted by cortex at 11:30 AM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. But first, do you know Mary?

posted by blue_beetle at 11:31 AM on October 29, 2007 [6 favorites]

Of course, now that it is hitting the link nests, it will be seen by many more than 50 people, so there exists the possibility Mary may know what is up by quitting-time this afternoon.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:34 AM on October 29, 2007

I guess this is better than texting her his proposal.
posted by fallenposters at 11:34 AM on October 29, 2007

Killfile the Motherfucker Already

Unless it's finally Werner Herzog coming to his senses and proposing to me, in which case, I'll change my name to Mary and eat his shoe!
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:45 AM on October 29, 2007

Will you please marry me and/or assist my foreign government in transferring $21 million to a U.S. bank account?
posted by brain_drain at 11:48 AM on October 29, 2007

Groan.
posted by jeffamaphone at 11:54 AM on October 29, 2007

Be honest, PSH, did you find out about this when one of your parents forwarded this to you?
posted by piratebowling at 12:03 PM on October 29, 2007

And then she'll say "no" the exact same way.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:07 PM on October 29, 2007

And then she'll say "no" the exact same way.

No match for "YOU-MUST-BE-FUCKING-JOKING.COM".
>>> Last update of whois database: Mon, 29 Oct 2007 19:12:04 UTC <<<

Looks like there's hope for him after all.
posted by cortex at 12:13 PM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

hoping, that they will forward my proposal to as many people as possible

At the bottom of each of these letters to Mary, please send $1 to me, $1 to the name below mine, and add the names of the ten people you send this letter to, to the bottom of the list.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:30 PM on October 29, 2007

There's some actual science behind this:
Small_world_phenomenon
posted by browolf at 12:33 PM on October 29, 2007

Be honest, PSH, did you find out about this when one of your parents forwarded this to you?

Thankfully, no. My mother can't figure out how to turn on a computer, and my father wouldn't care about something like this.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:34 PM on October 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

Dear Mary,

I am the son of the late President of Nigeria, Soni Abacha....
posted by dhartung at 12:35 PM on October 29, 2007

Maybe this is just his way of thinking he HAS proposed to her, in case she throws it in his face as she leaves him.

If he wrote such a special poem, then THAT should suffice.
Take out a full-page ad containing only the poem in the paper.
That's romantic. This shit is sublimely stupid.
posted by Busithoth at 1:13 PM on October 29, 2007

If I was Mary, and I heard from even 100 people that my boyfriend wanted to propose, I wouldn't say one goddamn word unless he had the balls to ask me myself. If this is how communication goes in the relationship, they are totally doomed. This isn't cute, it's retarded and spineless.
posted by agregoli at 1:26 PM on October 29, 2007

Check out the poem:

My angel,

Five years ago, I will always remember the day
When fate made us meet, blissful Alaskan moments in May
Earth spun around us and a journey began
Love, warmth, happiness, enough the years to span.

The longer it lasts the more grows our bond
And with 80 still – of you I will be fond
Whatever happens, I will stay at your side
Through good and bad, together let us stride

No second with you was ever wasted
You are the sweetest I have ever tasted
We have spent so many years – why not a life?
Mary, will you marry me – and become my wife?

I'm sending this to everyone I know just on principle.
posted by Koko at 1:35 PM on October 29, 2007

Once the proposal has reached Mary, I will put a note on these pages. Also I will publish here how many people have read the proposal so that everybody can see how far it has spread and that it is getting closer to Mary...

Mashed potatoes will also be offered.
posted by PlusDistance at 1:49 PM on October 29, 2007

This makes me very sad. Women, at least as far as I know, consider a proposal to be one of the top five events in their lives, along with a child being born, graduating whatever school it is they attend, achieving a lifelong goal, etc.

If I were proposed to via spam, it would only marginally beat out my ex's proposal, which was to put me on a rolling chair and roll me to the box with the ring in it and point at it going "there you go, quit threatening to move out." Yeah, very romantic. Surprise, that didn't last!

The only way I would be happy about this is if by the time his proposal got to her, they'd broken up and she set up a spam site telling him to fuck off and leave her alone.

Because nothing would be more satisfying than having half the world tell your ex to fuck off daily for years.

/ends snark, begins therapy
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 1:57 PM on October 29, 2007

I like to think that this guy's intent is true and that he's sitting by the phone listening to this trainwreckish version of "Waiting For Mary". He's got a thing for obscurity, strangers adding their input, and train wrecks, after all.

Meanwhile, Mary, having been forwarded the plea hundreds of times, sits at home, nearly catatonic, listening to "The Gift" and wondering where she put those metal cutters.
posted by backupjesus at 2:24 PM on October 29, 2007

Sweet jumping jesus.

If I had a poem who I hoped was going to be read by 50>2500>125000>etc I would have spent a little more time on it.
posted by Ynoxas at 2:32 PM on October 29, 2007

I prefer Soundtrack To Mary.

ps. i'll find my mary
posted by davejay at 2:54 PM on October 29, 2007

How much you wanna bet that Kevin Bacon eventually receives 400,000 copies of this e-mail?
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:46 PM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

If I had a poem who I hoped was going to be read by 50>2500>125000>etc I would have spent a little more time on it.

No kidding -- he'd stand more chance of scoring if he sent her "The Tay Bridge Disaster" than his horrible scanless doggerel.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:50 PM on October 29, 2007

Maybe he'll land this Mary.
posted by kurumi at 4:21 PM on October 29, 2007

I envision this: it will take so long to get to her that email won't exist anymore, and so she'll have to go back in time to get it. But luckily, time travel will have been invented at this point, so she'll hop into a time machine and travel back to the point where she would have gotten it if email hadn't stopped existing.

Right?
posted by ORthey at 8:35 PM on October 29, 2007

That's the most pathetic thing I've ever read.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 10:48 PM on October 29, 2007