"This place is an Uzbek mafia den."

October 31, 2007 8:33 AM

Looking to rent or buy? You can check out the schools and inspect the foundation all you want, but only Rotten Neighbor cares to warn you about your potential community.

Not moving any time soon but are amused by the trivialities and poor spelling of strangers? Then this site is still perfect for you. [via]

posted by Terminal Verbosity (52 comments total)

Bob & Lee's neighbors on Wisteria Lane aren't happy about the new lawn fountain!
posted by ericb at 8:40 AM on October 31, 2007

The irony of the title of the site is entirely too rich to miss.
posted by koeselitz at 8:44 AM on October 31, 2007

These neighbors are constantly watching football... having parties.. making a racket. their kids make it even worse, cant go out for an evening stroll.

One fears for the poster's lawn.

The juxtaposition of using 21st century technology to complain about 1950s (or earlier) concerns is hilarious.
posted by DU at 8:47 AM on October 31, 2007

I think anyone who puts any stock in this site is probably a pain in the ass to begin with. We had an obnoxious downstairs neighbor at our last apartment, but how would I know whether he's still there?
posted by desjardins at 8:49 AM on October 31, 2007

Finally, a format in which to write my Great American Novel.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:51 AM on October 31, 2007

I'm very glad to see that nobody in my neighborhood is the sort of obnoxious jackass who would post complaints about other people on this website.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:51 AM on October 31, 2007

The only listing for my neighborhood sums up exactly how useful this thing is:

Rockstar!
A rockstar lives here. The non-stop parade of gorgeous women showing up at all hours makes it difficult to get any sleep. He keeps his fleet of expensive, foreign sports cars parked on the street so that I have to park my 1986 Toyota two blocks away. Every so often an MTV camera crew shows up and shuts down the neighborhood for some special expose or another. I've tried to stop the rocking. Other neighbors have tried to stop the rocking. I've had the cops try to stop the rocking. Nobody can do a
-anonymous
posted by COBRA! at 8:52 AM on October 31, 2007

This is helpful.

Creeeppppy
This guy is always choppin up his wood, ya know, hes all like im choppin some wood man, and im all like naw man dont do that, but he is, hes always there man just choppin his wood, and givin errbody that sketchy look, ya know.
posted by yhbc at 8:54 AM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

The juxtaposition of using 21st century technology to complain about 1950s (or earlier) concerns is hilarious.

I can't imagine what would happen if I showed this site to my mother, who still notifies me every time "blacks" or "Indians" move into the neighborhood (there are, surprisingly, no notes in her ZIP code yet).
posted by uncleozzy at 8:54 AM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

Awesome! A way to keep the gentrifiers out of my neighborhood!
posted by jason's_planet at 8:55 AM on October 31, 2007

Great Neighbors. Had a threesome!
-anonymous
posted by koeselitz at 8:55 AM on October 31, 2007

Geez. This gets better and better. From Chestnut Hill in Boston:

Beware of Old Man With Piano
An exceedingly unpleasant old man with a piano lives in this building. He has complete disregard of his neighbors and often plays hours on end. He plays loudly and without finesse that you may think he is hard of hearing, which may actually be the case, as his television can be heard three floors below from the foyer often well past midnight.
-anonymous

Awesome. When I'm seventy-three, I'm going to name my comeback album "Beware of Old Man With Piano."
posted by koeselitz at 8:58 AM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Raging Homosexuals
The two men that occupy this house are raging homosexual post-college boys with nothing better to do than spread lotion on each other with the windows open (amongst other things). I mean, how much lotion do they have in there? Every time I come home they are just standing there rubbing Jergen's on their taught, tanned bodies. It's AWFUL! "

Heh. "Taut, tanned bodies".
posted by bonecrusher at 9:02 AM on October 31, 2007 [4 favorites]

Why do I want to advertise to the world that my neighbors are evil? So my home's value goes down even more?

On the other hand, if I've got my eye on a cute bungalow in the next town over, I'm going to report the neighbors as chainsaw-wielding masticators. Maybe that knocks the price down to my range!

All this assumes this site will be very popular. It will not be.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:04 AM on October 31, 2007

There's no way this can be abused! Kudos!
posted by tittergrrl at 9:11 AM on October 31, 2007

these people moved in about a year or so ago. their two son, about 7 and 8, harr *** my autistic 7 yr. old to no end.

Defame all you want, but don't try to sneak in a dirty word by hiding it inside a clean one.

Sweet Couple with dogs.
Nice people that give large tips and always have drive new cars. Cute dogs, and nice relatives.

Yes, this is the kind of neighbor that makes me look bad. AVOID
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:13 AM on October 31, 2007

New Cars Make Good Neighbors
posted by DU at 9:17 AM on October 31, 2007

White trash scumbag
Unmarried couple, he's a loser with no balls. She's a GED state employee who thinks she knows EVERYTHING. Shits out children without caring for the ones they already have. Bunch of little girls, dressed like hookers. Just had her first boy. Fat whore sat on her front porch chain smoking till the night before the delivery. Total scumbags.

sounds delightful.
posted by patricio at 9:20 AM on October 31, 2007

I've lived here since Dec. 06. Brand new building and neighbors are FANTASTIC! I've made great friendships since I've moved in. You better buy soon, the prices will go up soon when the new stadium, 4 blocks away, is finished.
-anonymous

This man wants to move BADLY!!!


The guy here is really stubborn, won't listen to his neighbors. Thinks he can go around telling people what to do. Has brought down the value of the neighborhood, made a lot of enemies, and keeps warning us to listen to him or else "the terrorists will get you"
-anonymous

There are more where that one came from too! Gotta love the back handed ways to put down Bush... he musta really pist some people off. ha!
posted by crewshell at 9:29 AM on October 31, 2007

Another one from Boston:

DEAD BEAT
This guy, Braun I think his name is, has loud gay sex with men! I think he cheats on his girlfriend with men...
-BRAUN DUGGAN

Young Braun here has found an ingenious and rather coy way to advertise that he's seeking male partners.
posted by koeselitz at 9:33 AM on October 31, 2007

My San Francisco zip code was labeled "to many fags here" (sic). That pretty much summed up what I needed to know about the site.
posted by Nelson at 9:33 AM on October 31, 2007

...and also: loud gay sex... with men? Loud gay sex is bad enough, but must you do it with men, as well?
posted by koeselitz at 9:34 AM on October 31, 2007

This guy Jay tools around on his expensive mower thinking he is so cool. he won't let me borrow it. and the guy across the street is a real dork.

oooooooo....scaaaary!!
posted by spinturtle at 9:37 AM on October 31, 2007

All the complaints in my neighborhood seem to be about dogs, and about some house where five dudes live, giving each other massages and doing drugs, which seems pretty cool to me.

Time to add some tasty bits of invented gossip!

"Gorilla Grod controls an army of cannibal apes who live in this apartment! They are always plotting to destroy The Flash! Also, they park in my spot!"
posted by klangklangston at 9:51 AM on October 31, 2007 [4 favorites]

Looks like an ideal website for pent-up passive-aggressive rageaholics to leave nasty little seething electronic notes about their "sociopathic" neighbors.

The San Francisco entries alone are a veritable potpourri of steaming incivility and hostility, mostly simmering resentments about neurotic landlords and landladies, parking inconveniences, loud amateur rock bands and DJs, late-night parties, and barking dogs, which are hardly unique hazards in most urban environments.

A millennial updating of a time-honored American pastime.
posted by blucevalo at 9:52 AM on October 31, 2007

I wonder what would happen if someone posts a note about a resident that is libelous; "so-and-so is a sexual predator" when they aren't, "so-and-so cheats on their wife" when he's been faithful, and so on.
posted by elmwood at 9:55 AM on October 31, 2007

Hey, elmwood. I'm in Elmwood and I have no rotten neighbors.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 10:08 AM on October 31, 2007

Yeah, no rotten neighbors in my neighborhood either.

When the people running the crack house around the corner from me moved out, I did wonder whether anyone warned the new buyers. Since -- to avoid knocks on the door late at night -- they might want to, you know, repaint? Hang up a banner? ("Screaming Neighbors Crack has moved! Visit us at our new location.")
posted by salvia at 10:22 AM on October 31, 2007

Nearest complaint to my place is fifteen blocks away, about a whole apartment complex full of people who apparently do not shut their courtyard-facing windows.

Complainer sees that as a bad thing. I call it free entertainment.
posted by cortex at 10:28 AM on October 31, 2007

"The guy here is really stubborn, won't listen to his neighbors. Thinks he can go around telling people what to do"

I bet they don't get the irony in these two statements at all.

Nothing but good neighbours in my entire town apparently.
posted by Mitheral at 10:32 AM on October 31, 2007 [1 favorite]

"This guy loves to suck balls."
posted by brevator at 10:49 AM on October 31, 2007

My nearest neighbors?

for starters there is an older lady who just lies screams and cries and complains ALL THE TIME. there is and interracial relationship with a interacial baby the worst!!!and they let there dogs run wild!!!! **** all over the place!!!!the son is worthless him and his girlfrien moved in so now there r 6 ppl and 2 dogs livin in a 2 bedroom house.there gr *** never get cut there is always ciggerette butts all over.. there house smells like dog **** .they got cars on cinderblocks in the backyars it

But the kicker, of course: "there is and interracial relationship with a interacial baby"!!

Wow, isn't that about six different kinds of illegal? I thought baby-humping was outlawed in most states, no matter what the races involved.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:05 AM on October 31, 2007

Well there goes my plans for an actionable libel/Google maps mashup.
posted by turaho at 11:05 AM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

Be careful this guy Paul King likes to light fires hes been convicted of it!!!

It just seems like a really, really bad idea to post such a thing. Although something about the phrase, "likes to light fires" makes me laugh. Also, from near an old address of mine:

This place is very good. Some girls like to have sex with neighborhoods. I recomend it!! ;)

Apparently I knew the wrong girls. Or maybe they were having sex with the neighborhoods unbeknownst to me.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:11 AM on October 31, 2007

there gr *** never get cut

Classic. Viva taboo avoidance.
posted by cortex at 11:17 AM on October 31, 2007

"Nearest complaint to my place is fifteen blocks away, about a whole apartment complex full of people who apparently do not shut their courtyard-facing windows.

Complainer sees that as a bad thing. I call it free entertainment."

Back in the day, I had a roommate who wouldn't bother to close the blinds when he watched porn and jerked off in the living room. His position was, "What the hell are people doing looking in my house? If they don't wanna see it, let 'em stop staring."

The girls next door would never talk to any of us.
posted by klangklangston at 11:19 AM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

So the best, from Napa:

Aliens Visit These People
At night bright lights and flying sauceres are hovering over these peoples property. They get abducted, their kids are screaming, mom and dad are being levitated out of the windows, then a few hours later, the saucers are back and it more bright lights while they get levitated back into bed. This occurrs several times a month. Why can't the aliens just keep them.
posted by patricio at 11:19 AM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

This place is very good. Some girls like to have sex with neighborhoods. I recomend it!! ;)

Apparently I knew the wrong girls. Or maybe they were having sex with the neighborhoods unbeknownst to me.

Yeah, I lived a block away from there on Bishop Allen Drive. I also missed out, even though we had great parties and would have been happy to welcome them ....
posted by bumpkin at 11:40 AM on October 31, 2007

In my neighborhood:

BITCH NEIGHBOR & HER CHILD MOLESTING HUSBAND
This older couple, has lived at [snip], and has been a PAIN in the ASS to some of their neighbors - [snip] calls the police everytime she gets because she does not like the color, make or year of her neighbor's car. The people that live in the neighborhood for many year like them -- know of their pass - she liked to get drunk and party, and Mr. [snip] molested one of his son's. They are the worse neighbor anyone can have!!!! They are best friends with Mr
anonymous
2007-10-18 00:00:00

...but it had their full names and address. Good lord.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:51 AM on October 31, 2007

The condo *** ociation refuses to do anything

What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on with the censoring of ASS in the middle of words? It's all over the site, yet it's not an automatic filter--see corpse's post above. Do people really do this?
posted by hydrophonic at 12:03 PM on October 31, 2007

accordion guy: Will play accoridion starting at 6AM just to piss off neighbors he perceives as evil. Will not shut window if asked and won't stop playing. He does respond to being sprayed with a hose. Result is a phone call to police but the accordion playing will stop for a few hours.

Hmm, a guy playing an accordion or a guy with the chutzpah to spray his neighbour with a hose. Not really a tough toss up there for worst neighbour.
posted by Mitheral at 12:06 PM on October 31, 2007

Hmm, a guy playing an accordion or a guy with the chutzpah to spray his neighbour with a hose. Not really a tough toss up there for worst neighbour.

Depends what kind of hose. Ask klangklangston.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:10 PM on October 31, 2007

Either way the "neighbour I wouldn't like to have" award goes to the guy with the hose.

hydrophonic writes "What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on with the censoring of ASS in the middle of words? It's all over the site, yet it's not an automatic filter--see corpse's post above. Do people really do this?"

Apparently the users or they changed their input filters. I just did a test at 90210 (which amazingly didn't have any reports yet) because I thought their code might have been case sensitive but the "ass" string appeared in both places correctly.
posted by Mitheral at 12:13 PM on October 31, 2007

Hot Naked Chick
You wouldn't believe what I have to put up with. I live next door to this house and my second story window overlooks their pool. And once a week I see her banging the pool guy on the diving board. LEt me tell you this is a sight. She has the most amazing body loves to flaunt it. I'm sure her husband is too busy to nitice her so she has the pool guy service her instead. I'm just concerned that one day my kids will see this.

...because then Dad will have to share the binoculars.
posted by jamaro at 12:16 PM on October 31, 2007

Hey, my house is surrounded by "meth houses." Did not know that......

Yeah, this site pretty lame at best.
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:46 PM on October 31, 2007

These Mexican Nations drive new cars, put in a new drive way, guttering, and can hardly speak English, and have an attitude.

Give me a frick'n break.... this is just so strange and useless...
posted by wfrgms at 1:13 PM on October 31, 2007

I'm really quite dismayed that nobody has complained about me yet. My neighborhood is quite boring, the nearest complaint is about LaGuardia's fog diversion being directly overhead.
posted by Skorgu at 1:34 PM on October 31, 2007

not many people like the guy who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC.

"The guy here is really stubborn, won't listen to his neighbors. Thinks he can go around telling people what to do. Has brought down the value of the neighborhood, made a lot of enemies, and keeps warning us to listen to him or else "the terrorists will get you.""
posted by uaudio at 1:35 PM on October 31, 2007

"Nice Grass
They have the most beautiful green grasss i have ever seen. Must be Marathon 2e
-anonymous"

San Diego has lawn stalkers?!
posted by batgrlHG at 2:32 PM on October 31, 2007

Three Grown Men, Three Young Girls?!
A presumed gay man, a swarthy younger man, and a fat date-rapist live in this house with the gay man's three young daughters. Yelling, crying, laughter, and bad piano music can be heard at all hours.

posted by kirkaracha at 2:53 PM on October 31, 2007 [2 favorites]

Rotten Driver.com
posted by mecran01 at 3:09 PM on October 31, 2007

Yipes!

Flamboyant
I just moved into one of my .. neighbors houses.. and.. and I didnt know him that well before. But he's constantly fucking me. Literally, I turn around once and his penis is up my ass.
posted by Locative at 10:13 PM on October 31, 2007 [1 favorite]