Fratricide in the Great War on Christmas

November 1, 2007 11:27 AM

We'll Fight for Freedom, Wherever there's Trouble...CNN pundit Glenn Beck (as well as Canada's National Post] criticizes G.I. Joe, or more appropriately, the in-production live-action movie [IMDB] of the same name, and the manufacturer of the multi-generational toy-line, Hasbro. Beck cited the IMDB page, which stated that GIJOE was a "European-based military unit known as Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity (G.I.J.O.E.), a hi-tech, international force of special operatives, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer." He further added that the change amounted to JOE being ineffectual pansies, like the UN, and that "[He believes] some are trying to indoctrinate our kids into hating their own country, turning us into some one-world-government nightmare; hating America, turning it into a dirty word."

Keep in mind that the cartoon was distributed in several languages [YouTube], the toys sold in several countries, the 3 3/4" line is 25 years old, the comics have been around for just as long, and that any modern movie needs international audiences to maximize profit, which might be difficult with an American-centric film.

Some say that GIJOE the movie was the best film ever-made [YouTube], as well as being the inspiration for the TV's 24. At least the opening sequence was cool. See also the fan site, the character index, these comics and videos.

posted by rzklkng (103 comments total)

Glen Beck masturbates to the sound of his own whiny, irritating voice. More after this important message.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:35 AM on November 1, 2007 [8 favorites]

Their first mission will be infiltrating a Chinese Hasbro plant where Communist evildoers are secretly poisoning American children by painting millions of action figures in lead.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:37 AM on November 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

Man, someone needs to go all Sgt. Slaughter on Glenn Beck.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 11:38 AM on November 1, 2007

any modern movie needs international audiences to maximize profit, which might be difficult with an American-centric film.

I guess that would explain why American-centric movies, and particularly those about American soldiers, never make any money. Oh, wait a minute . . .
posted by The World Famous at 11:38 AM on November 1, 2007

Eh. G.I. Joe was ruined when they came out with the small figures and cartoon anyway. I had the ultra cool fuzzy headed talking GI. Joe with Kung-Fu Grip™
posted by MikeMc at 11:38 AM on November 1, 2007

I'm of the opinion that Glenn Beck should get the same treatment around here that Ann Coulter does. They're both shrill, worthless scum.
posted by puke & cry at 11:39 AM on November 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

Glenn Beck is World Class Douche, self-evidently. He is not worth the few words I've typed about him here.
posted by LooseFilter at 11:40 AM on November 1, 2007

DID SOMEONE SAY BODY MASSAGE?!
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 11:41 AM on November 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

Glenn Beck might want to concern himself with things more important than a movie for 9-yr old boys. On the other hand, maybe that's all his intellect is capable of engaging.

Also, the Baronness was super hot.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:41 AM on November 1, 2007

Look, I believe in hiring the mentally handicapped as much as the next guy, but who decided that Glenn Beck made the fucking cut?

Sweet Jesus that boys dumber then a bag a hammers.
posted by Relay at 11:44 AM on November 1, 2007

After seeing the GI JOE movie, I had nightmares for months of turning into a robot, or more accurately, a BAT.

To this day, I wince whenever I pass through a metal detector, subconsciously afraid of it beeping, thus revealing the horrible truth that lurks beneath my skin.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:48 AM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Did he hint that GI Joe is un-American? And is turning kids away from loving their country? How many kids wanted to join the marines because of GI Joe? God I have never heard of Glenn Beck before and already he is beginning to annoy me.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 11:50 AM on November 1, 2007

On the other hand, maybe that's all his intellect is capable of engaging.

Given the evidence of the words that come out of his mouth, I think you may be overestimating his intellect.
posted by LooseFilter at 11:50 AM on November 1, 2007

Goddammit. I saw the Glenn Beck stuff earlier. But I blame this post for the 45 minutes I'm in the process of wasting just watching old GI Joe PSAs.

They're pretty fucking specific.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 11:51 AM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Glenn Beck's reason for existence is to ensure that Tucker Carlson doesn't come in last.
posted by rzklkng at 11:51 AM on November 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

From Beck's wikipedia page:

"Beck is a self-described reformed alcoholic and drug addict. In the aftermath of those three family tragedies, Beck said he used "Dr. Jack Daniels" to cope. He and his first wife divorced amid his struggle with substance abuse. Beck cites the help of Alcoholics Anonymous in his sobriety, and he eventually converted to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints which teaches against the consumption of alcohol."

Sigh. Here we go again. A drunk, divorced, drug addict on TV moralizing about conservative values.

If anyone knows Glenn Beck, please punch him as hard as you can in the crotch. You can say it's from me.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:54 AM on November 1, 2007 [4 favorites]

Sounds like Beck hasn't been heeding GI Joe's advice.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 11:55 AM on November 1, 2007

Sorry - missed the link for the Character Index. Also, see del.icio.us for "GIJOE".
posted by rzklkng at 11:57 AM on November 1, 2007

C'mon. Everyone knows the coolest characters were Snakeyes, Stormshadow, Destro & Zartan. Two (three depending on when in the continuity you're looking at) of them are bad guys and the other two are ninjas. How American are ninjas, really?
posted by juv3nal at 11:57 AM on November 1, 2007

I think we should rebrand it UN Joe: the British redcoat who wants to crush American independence in the name of Elizabeth II, Jewish bankers, and giant lizards.

After all, what's the point of half measures?
posted by athenian at 11:58 AM on November 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

Next time I need an argument against capitalism, I'm pointing to the fact that Glenn Beck has a media presence.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:04 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

I channel-surfed past Glenn Beck once. He was in the middle of some screed in which he made the following breathing taking chain of equivalencies: he was talking about some buncha "liberals", who apparently have an "anti-troops, anti-war, and anti-America" agenda. And there you have most everything that is wrong with the American Rright.
posted by jokeefe at 12:06 PM on November 1, 2007

^^^

Right, even.
posted by jokeefe at 12:06 PM on November 1, 2007

"We must preserve our symbols of national pride and power, be they a flag, a cross, characters like Superman or G.I. Joe.

Superman was invented by a Canadian, dumbass.
posted by jokeefe at 12:07 PM on November 1, 2007 [7 favorites]

To be fair, he is a former drug addict and alcoholic. So apparently, he got that part of his life in shape years ago.
Unfortunately for us, he's still a self-righteous, jackass of a douchebag. Dry drunk syndrome maybe?
posted by Hutch at 12:08 PM on November 1, 2007

Man, right now I am really wishing I didn't sell all my G.I. Joes when I decided I was "too old" to own toys. I had the motherfucking headquarters!

Oh, and Glenn Beck can suck my balls.
posted by Rangeboy at 12:08 PM on November 1, 2007

jokeefe: Well, to be fair, only the artist was Canadian. Siegel was an American. And, to be fair, as a symbol, Superman is right up there with apple pie.

Oh, and Glenn Beck is a douchebag.
posted by absalom at 12:15 PM on November 1, 2007

At least Action Man is true Brit!

Wait, what do you mean "the same toy"?
posted by Artw at 12:16 PM on November 1, 2007

WTF kind of a name is "Geyperman"? This dude should be Hombre de Acción.
posted by Artw at 12:24 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

They're pretty fucking specific.

Was there a rash of fridge deaths during the 80s or something? There was also the fridge death Punkie Brewster episode (and the South Park episode, but Butters *spoiler* didn't die*spoiler*)...

If only the fridge PSA had come out after the limited edition Refrigerator Perry figure.

"The Fridge says, don't hide in a fridge."
posted by drezdn at 12:30 PM on November 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

I love Glenn Beck because every time I see him, I am reminded of that panel discussion in the movie Starship Troopers where the guy with the bowtie sputters "Intelligent bugs? FRANKLY I FIND THE IDEA OFFENSIVE!"
posted by erikharmon at 12:32 PM on November 1, 2007 [6 favorites]

He should have stayed an alcoholic. He'd probably be more fun to be around. Or, ya know, dead. Either way.
posted by puke & cry at 12:33 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is typical of the content of CNN these days. Celeb scandals, kidnapped white people and "threats to our children" like movies and videogames are pretty much all they cover now.
posted by acetonic at 12:34 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

...hating America, turning it into a dirty word."

Too late. Bush already achieved that. Sorry Joe.
posted by tkchrist at 12:35 PM on November 1, 2007

What Beck, and the rightwing nuttos fail to understand, is that the American military no longer represents a force of liberation, but one of occupation.

G.I. Joe was fragged by Bush. Blame him.
posted by Rusty Iron at 12:39 PM on November 1, 2007

Wait till this waterhead figures out that Destro is essentially a leather boy whose head is a giant metal clit. Oh there will be fireworks my brothers and sisters...
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:47 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Guys, G.I. Joe is A Real American Hero. The guy may be an ass, and I'm as liberal as anyone, but it kinda pisses me off that they're going to be some international force.

It's like "Truth, Justice, and all that stuff."
posted by muscat at 12:55 PM on November 1, 2007

I just want to know if they will be capable of hitting anything when shooting. In the cartoon they were about as effective as the A-Team at actually shooting what they were aiming at.

"Nice catch blanco nino, but too bad your ass got saaaacked"
posted by quin at 12:57 PM on November 1, 2007

I hope they have Snow Job in the movie. Whomever came up with his name was awesome.
posted by schroedinger at 12:58 PM on November 1, 2007

I think Larry Hama came up with most of the names, but I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure he supplied backstories, at least.
posted by COBRA! at 12:59 PM on November 1, 2007

I second juv3nal.

All that matters is that:

1. It has Snake-Eyes
2. Snake-Eyes doesn't speak
3. Snake-Eyes kicks boat-loads of ass

Real American Hero, Knowing Is Half the Battle, Pork Chop Sandwiches, it can all be discarded and my childhood won't mind at all.
posted by uri at 1:03 PM on November 1, 2007

WTF kind of a name is "Geyperman"?

If you pronounce it in Spanish, it comes out as "Hyperman." That makes some sense, at least.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:09 PM on November 1, 2007

2. Snake-Eyes doesn't speak

You know that Snake-Eyes will totally speak in the movie, and that when he does, it'll be to say something like...

"After a hard day of beating snakes, it's nice to come home to a refreshing can of Pepsi."
posted by drezdn at 1:09 PM on November 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

How will our kids ever have the courage to stand up to their college professors

Now I feel retarded that I didn't list "playing in bathtub" as an extacurricular activity on my college application.
posted by phaedon at 1:12 PM on November 1, 2007

I have a Snake Eyes tattoo. I kid you not. I am known amonsty the Arashikage ninja clan as "slightly squishy master"...
posted by longbaugh at 1:12 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Glenn Beck's reason for existence is to ensure that Tucker Carlson doesn't come in last.

For the longest time, I'd never seen Tucker Carlson and very time someone wrote about him, my brain filled in 'Tucker Max'. To this day, I still like my version more.
posted by verb at 1:14 PM on November 1, 2007

I'm not so sure, drezdn.

I figure they'll keep the silent-type and then smother him with ads as the world's first Ninja/NASCAR driver.
posted by uri at 1:16 PM on November 1, 2007

Also, Scarlett will be a blond, though Lady Jay will be played by that one detective from Law and Order SVU.
posted by drezdn at 1:17 PM on November 1, 2007

absalom: Well, to be fair, only the artist was Canadian...

Only the guy that came up with what Superman looks like is Canadian. Hmmm...

You may be saddened to learn that, in Canada, Superman is commonly considered to be Canadian & yet another example of USians not knowing the origin of many of "their" symbols.

A generation of us grew up with this popular Heritage Minute (presented by the government) that sorta rubs some salt in that wound, dare I say. We even put him on one of our stamps!
posted by stinkycheese at 1:20 PM on November 1, 2007

From the Canada Post article:

which will battle Cobra, "an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer."

COBRA will be Scottish??? The evil fucking Scots, trying to take over the world? The same Scots that gave us "Get Offa Me Lawn!"??? Or is it the Scots from 'Trainspotting'?

I'm all for breaking sterotypes, but really. This is too much.

The only people scared of the Scottish are those who sell them goods and services.
posted by GuyZero at 1:23 PM on November 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

GuyZero, Destro is Scottish. Unfortunately, this gives me the bad feeling that it's based off of modern GI Joe history.
posted by drezdn at 1:25 PM on November 1, 2007

Yeah, but even then, Destro doesn't run COBRA. He's just in charge of making sure everyone has a fall-back health insurance plan.
posted by GuyZero at 1:28 PM on November 1, 2007

Also - you yankee-centric rotters - at least one of the GI Joe team was English - Flint. These guys are just Rainbow from the Tom "Oh my god I've written more steaming drivel" Clancy novel "Rainbow Six".
posted by longbaugh at 1:32 PM on November 1, 2007

In the course of poking around in Joe lore, this stuck out:

Dr. Mindbender

Primary Military Specialty: Genetic Engineer
Secondary Military Specialty: Orthodontist
posted by uri at 1:33 PM on November 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

Hutch writes "Unfortunately for us, he's still a self-righteous, jackass of a douchebag. Dry drunk syndrome maybe?"

As someone who's been through it, I should mention that one does not have to be a recovering alcoholic in order to be a douchebag.
posted by krinklyfig at 1:33 PM on November 1, 2007

Destro doesn't run COBRA

I do what I feel like, dude. No one runs me.
posted by COBRA! at 1:33 PM on November 1, 2007 [6 favorites]

G.I. Joe was a real person? G.I. stands for government issue? What's so shocking is not so much this idiot's tirade about America under attack, it's the way he can just drop things he just made up without thinking or researching things and it's out there like it's truth.

Maybe I'm the one who's ignorant about the the "real" GI Joe or GI standing for "general infantry" but there were a thousand other examples. It's no wonder these people despise education, having to actually fucking *know* things is *hard*, way harder than talking out their asses about the threat to everything we Americans hold dear: namely our god-given right to be right about everything without having to really know a damn thing.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:34 PM on November 1, 2007

I'm not too worried about this. However, I think its slightly annoying that GI Joe is not an American now...purely because I'm sentimental about it and how much I loved it when I was a kid. It clearly started as an American military toy, I mean, what else could they mean by "GI"? I think they kind of sold out just because the American military is not popular anymore. But HASBRO is a business who is trying to increase profits, so I guess profit trumps selling out in this case.
posted by markulus at 1:35 PM on November 1, 2007

Scarlett will be played by Jessica Alba.
posted by puke & cry at 1:43 PM on November 1, 2007

I tried to convince my wife to do a couples costume of Snake Eyes and Scarlett, but she wasn't having it.
posted by drezdn at 1:46 PM on November 1, 2007

I'm just popping in here to say that as a young girl, when I first started getting "crushes" on boys, one of my first childhood crushes wasn't on Rio, Jem's boyfriend or any New Kids on the Block...it was Snake Eyes. He was damn sexy in my prepubescent eyes. I'd imagine I'd be on some dangerous mission and I'd get captured only to have Snake-Eyes come rescue me and he'd just look at me with those piercing eyes and even though he'd never say a word everything would be all right and I knew he loved me, truly, madly and deeply...

GuyZero: Didn't read a whole article, but I don't think it's some weird PC thing, they're referring to Destro, who I believe was Scottish. And on preview, beaten egg white intended for meringue.
posted by kkokkodalk at 1:46 PM on November 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

Agreed krinklyfig, sorry if I implied otherwise. I too have been through it.
posted by Hutch at 1:52 PM on November 1, 2007

Every so often, I think we should spring for the extended cable chez gompa so I can watch Jon Stewart at a more convenient time and see what this Rent-A-Goalie hubbub's all about. But then something like this comes along, and I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude that I had no clue who this Glenn Beck twat was until just a minute ago.

You know that kind of grateful? That feeling kind of like at the end of Of Mice and Men when Lennie pets the bunnies too hard? That I'm so goddamn grateful I could just keep twisting and twisting and TWISTING Tucker Carlson's bowtie till his eyes popped like champagne corks kind of grateful? Like that.
posted by gompa at 2:05 PM on November 1, 2007

Also, I am now constantly going around saying "Destro" in my best Sean Connery accent.

Deshtroh. Deesshhtroh.
posted by GuyZero at 2:07 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

The kids won't grow up to hate America - with any luck, they'll grow up to hate, despise and ultimately cleanse away the neo-con, fascist turds like Beck and all the other assholes who have sold this country out for a fistful of dollars.
posted by dbiedny at 2:07 PM on November 1, 2007

Right. The GI Joe recalled fondly here was itself a "reimagining" of the previous GI Joe, who was a 12" tall figure with an obvious US military theme. So this is a remake of a remake.

Hopefully they got somebody good to play the Baroness :)

It's scary to contemplate the idea that anybody actually takes Glenn Beck seriously.
posted by First Post at 2:12 PM on November 1, 2007

stinkster: You're clearly much more passionate about this than me, but and your first link is actually really interesting. Of course, it doesn't actually address the discussion of the symbology of Superman, which I think would still be considered an unequivocally "American" icon, despite his cosmopolitan upbringing. I tend to view the object as symbol as very different from the object has historical artifact.

But, then again, I might be misreading it, but you come off a little dickish and, honestly, I to put your fears at least, I don't have enough invested in Superman or Canada to have an emotional response one way or the other. Salt was not intended on my part, and I'll assume venom was not intended on yours.
posted by absalom at 2:17 PM on November 1, 2007

You do have to give Beck some credit at least. I mean can you imagine yourself one day looking in the mirror, realizing you're Glenn fucking Beck of all people, and NOT taking a good stiff drink?

Man, if I was him I'd never sober up. Ever.
posted by Naberius at 2:17 PM on November 1, 2007

You might enjoy GI Joe Killaz who are a rap outfit out of Toronto who rap the plotlines of various GI Joe episodes from the perspective of COBRA. But it's way better than it sounds - very dry and deadpan, and hypnotically simple beats. I heard them very late at night on Brave New Waves once, and afterwards couldn't get the tunes out of my head so I had to go and buy the album.
I guess they're now just The Killaz - I guess Hasbro got up in their grillz about the name. You can listen/download 3 tracks off the GI Joe album, it's the first one. My fave is #1, Eau de Cobra
posted by Flashman at 2:19 PM on November 1, 2007 [4 favorites]

I'm not sure how old I was when I realized how deeply, deeply gay the G.I. Joe franchise was. Not "gay" in the schoolyard insult sense, but gay in the "bunch of men with mustaches, dressed in tight leather pants and vests with no shirts underneath, giving each other nicknames like Snowjob and Deep Six" sense.

With that in mind, I can see why Glenn Beck is so upset about this; closeted gay men hiding behind macho pro-war personas is sort of the core of the neoconservative movement these days, and they don't want to share that niche with the rest of the world.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 2:25 PM on November 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

I'm not surprised that Glenn Beck hates GI Joe.

But to those who say that the GI Joe team has 'homosexual influences', I introduce you to Dr. Mindbender, an orthodotist whose experiments in new ways to control dental pain turned him evil AND destroyed his fashion sense.

(Really. If you look at that picture on that page? Most gay men I know wouldn't wear that for Hallowe'en.)
posted by mephron at 2:37 PM on November 1, 2007

"We must preserve our symbols of national pride and power, be they a flag, a cross, characters like Superman or G.I. Joe.

Superman was invented by a Canadian, dumbass.

I'm pretty sure the cross has other meanings than "a symbol of [American] pride and power", too.
posted by Infinite Jest at 2:53 PM on November 1, 2007

Only a twisted wingnut like Beck could see the cross, an international Christian meme for millennia, as a "symbol of national pride and power."

Correction. Only Beck . . . And the Roman Republic, for whom the (now barbaric) punishment of crucifixion was indeed a "symbol of national pride and power."
posted by Gordion Knott at 3:01 PM on November 1, 2007

absalom: ...your first link...doesn't actually address the discussion of the symbology of Superman, which I think would still be considered an unequivocally "American" icon, despite his cosmopolitan upbringing.

Cosmopolitan upbringing!!?!? You mean the fact that he was born on another planet? And what is it about the symbology of Superman that is "unequivocally" 'American'? The fact that he's super strong? Or flies around? Or is able to see through walls? I'm at a loss, seriously. That statement makes no sense to me whatsoever.

I might be misreading it, but you come off a little dickish and, honestly, I to put your fears at least, I don't have enough invested in Superman or Canada to have an emotional response one way or the other. Salt was not intended on my part, and I'll assume venom was not intended on yours.

Uh, I have no fears whatsoever about your investments in Superman or Canada, for the record. Also, the salt was the Canadian government's, but the venom was all mine.

I tend to view the object as symbol as very different from the object has historical artifact.

Is this how Jesus got to be American too?
posted by stinkycheese at 3:08 PM on November 1, 2007

Wow, this thread has pretty much degraded into a typical Metafilter thread checklist:

Snarky comments? Check.
Focus on douchebag rightwing pundit? Check.
Ignore the substance of the issue? Check.

Say what you will about Beck, his alcoholism, his rants, etc., but I think he has a small and valid point here. GI Joe is for many right up there with Apple Pie, 4th of July fireworks and the pledge of allegiance. They're symbols of America, of great things in America and the potential for greatness in America.

The fact that GI Joe is now part of some multinational UN led force is borderline funny, and I agree with Beck that there is something wrong with eliminating the slogan "A real American hero" from GI Joe just as it was from Superman's "Truth, justice and the American way." GI Joe is an American hero, dammit, and he does represent the good parts of America. It's part nostalgia, and it's part symbolism and what those symbols represent.
posted by tgrundke at 3:17 PM on November 1, 2007

juv3nal: "C'mon. Everyone knows the coolest characters were Snakeyes, Stormshadow, Destro & Zartan. Two (three depending on when in the continuity you're looking at) of them are bad guys and the other two are ninjas. How American are ninjas, really?"

Well, looking at the profiles that mephron tried to link to, turns out both Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were born in America, and served in the US Army together. I don't have a point, really, but there you are.
posted by team lowkey at 3:21 PM on November 1, 2007

USians

For the love of God, please stop doing this. Only the brain dead don't understand that "Americans" is short for "citizens of the United States of America." What do you call citizens of the Estados Unidos Mexicanos- "EUians"? It makes as much fucking sense. After all not all of Mexico is "in" Mexico.

And OP, what was the Post "criticizing"? I'm no fan of the rag but that link was to a news story, not an editorial.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 3:26 PM on November 1, 2007

That bird has flown, ethnomethodologist.
posted by stinkycheese at 3:33 PM on November 1, 2007

I just saw a GI Joe at a toy store and I was appalled. Today's GIJs are nothing like they were in the past. Big, beastly muscles and ginormous machine guns. They're offensive.
posted by HotPatatta at 3:41 PM on November 1, 2007

tgrundke: GI Joe is for many right up there with Apple Pie, 4th of July fireworks and the pledge of allegiance. They're symbols of America, of great things in America and the potential for greatness in America.

You realise he's a soldier, right? He kills people for a living, that's basically what "he" does. In many parts of the world, "GI Joe" would evoke not patriotic feelings, but revulsion and fear - maybe even memories of the time some GI Joes burned your village down or killed your family.

I know to most of the people posting here, it's just a comic/cartoon -- and I myself collected the comic from Issue #1 to the point where the Dreadnoks started getting really silly (I was even a member of the fan club with my own dogtags) -- but there's a whole world out there, and many parts of it view, ahem, USian soldiers in much the same light as you probably view German soldiers of the WWII vintage.
posted by stinkycheese at 3:42 PM on November 1, 2007

It would have been awesome if the G.I. was Gastrointestinal Joe, and each figure had some kind of analogous body part. Like the Baroness was your small intestine and Cobra Commander was your Spleen? No? Oh come on, just think of the action sets they could have sold.
posted by cashman at 3:52 PM on November 1, 2007

It's in threads like these, I wish I could make a post that would shake the very foundations of MeFi with a enormous sonic boom shout of "SO WHAT?"

G.I. Joe is no longer American.

SO WHAT?

(cue thunderous sonic boom)

Glenn Beck is pissed.

SO WHAT?

(sonic boom shakes your monitor)

Some MeFis think Beck is a douche.

SO WHAT?

(sonic boom knocks your monitor off the desk)
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:54 PM on November 1, 2007

This is clearly only going to degenerate, but I suppose it happened in the 1950s, when the popular television show began to use the phrase "Truth, Justice, and the American Way" during the credits of every show and the phrase entered mainstream consciousness, creating the popular image of Superman.

Oh, and as far as cosmopolitan upbringing, I did not mean literally, sorry, I meant in terms of the authors use of memories and locations and inspiration. Can see where that would be confusing.

But, clearly this is about something else.

(PS: Oh, and I fully expect if they ever made Red Son into a movie, the same idiots would have seizures about it.)
posted by absalom at 4:01 PM on November 1, 2007

Fair enough, absalom.

FWIW I don't consider myself a Superman "fan", but I enjoyed Red Son. Particularly the Lex Luthor stuff.
posted by stinkycheese at 4:07 PM on November 1, 2007

I was very disappointed to miss Cobraa! the Musical the last time I was in Montreal.

And the latest generation of figures appear to be incredibly cheaply made compared to the 3-3/4" soldiers that waged war across my bedroom when I was a kid. And they've gone way overboard on the ninjas. And don't get me started on that crappy "Sigma 6" cartoon.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 4:27 PM on November 1, 2007

"As someone who's been through it, I should mention that one does not have to be a recovering alcoholic in order to be a douchebag."

Noted.

Now, can we hear from someone's who's a recovering alcoholic?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:40 PM on November 1, 2007

-'s or something.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:40 PM on November 1, 2007

What this means to me is the people behind the movie decided that these days no one would be able to suspend disbelief when an American military force is used for good.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 4:47 PM on November 1, 2007

Porchop Sandwiches!
posted by anthill at 5:05 PM on November 1, 2007

Glenn Beck is obviously jealous of GI Joe's life-like hair.
posted by jonmc at 5:07 PM on November 1, 2007

I'm a recovering douchebag, how about that?
posted by absalom at 5:09 PM on November 1, 2007

I'd drink alcohol out of a douchebag.
posted by jonmc at 5:12 PM on November 1, 2007

GI Joe is for many right up there with Apple Pie, 4th of July fireworks and the pledge of allegiance. They're symbols of America, of great things in America and the potential for greatness in America.

The fact that GI Joe is now part of some multinational UN led force is borderline funny,

I dunno, isn't one of the great things about America the way we can co-operate with our allies to accomplish something when the mood strikes us (see: WWII, where the GI Joe term originated, IIRC).
posted by jonmc at 5:19 PM on November 1, 2007

I am proud to admit that it took a psychotic rant about a movie based on a toy line from twenty years ago to bring this tool to my attention.

...Please take him back now, please.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:24 PM on November 1, 2007

Hutch writes "Agreed krinklyfig, sorry if I implied otherwise. I too have been through it."

Well, that said, there is something a bit frightening about the "reformed sinner" way of recovery and what it does to some people. I've seen some people get sober and join a conservative church and turn into douchebags.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:55 PM on November 1, 2007

Glen Beck turns me on the way some guys secretly/shamefully like dumb blond Junior Leaguers. He's like Teddy Ruxpin with a tape of Republican talking points.
posted by Taargus Taargus at 6:10 PM on November 1, 2007

This guy isnt so bad. He's just an loud idiot. He creates a ruckuss which gets people talking ( look at this thread) and gets viewers on CNN. That's american journalism for you.

A real hateful bigot would be reminding us that GI Joe is a terrible shot and superman was created by jews and we should be avoiding them. Beck's a nasty fellow alright, but he's practically the parody of a truly twisted person. Just another conservative dry drunk. We should be pissed off at the head honchos at CNN for giving these big time losers air time.
posted by damn dirty ape at 7:10 PM on November 1, 2007

Glen Beck should hold forth on topics he is better versed in: Barbie and Ken Endowed - The ideal white and delightsome Mormon Couple and what ever happen to the Magic Salamander?
posted by Rancid Badger at 7:28 PM on November 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

In the movie version of this thread, the role of Glenn Beck will be played by a used kleenex.
posted by darkstar at 11:21 PM on November 1, 2007

Talk about perfect timing: I was talking with Murphy Brown just yesterday, and she said that all these lies are starting to piss her off. She hangs in these circles and knows for a fact that the Teletubbies are very hetero, and GIJoe is a flag-wavin' American.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 5:52 AM on November 2, 2007

The worst part about these kind of stories is that they play right into the hands of the insane right-wingers who think that the United Nations actually could field some kind of ass-kicking military strike force that will no doubt invade the United States and take all our guns away any day now. Or maybe two weeks after the Rapture.

I suppose the new UN-GIJOE will take their orders directly from the president of Romania?
posted by straight at 10:47 AM on November 2, 2007

In other news: lunatic raving in an institutional padded isolation cell (disregarding incoherant words and profanity) makes essentially the same case - sans television coverage.

I guess anyone who kisses enough ass can get on t.v. Far as I can tell, talent, character, intellect, these things don’t much matter.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:37 AM on November 2, 2007

I'm not sure how old I was when I realized how deeply, deeply gay the G.I. Joe franchise was.

Now, seriously. And they said Tinky Winky was gay?!
posted by Skeptic at 4:34 PM on November 2, 2007