Tanks a lot.

November 20, 2007 12:46 PM

Ever wanted your own personal tank? Then the Rip Saw UGV might be just what you've been looking for.

Or maybe you need something more sporty? How about the Hyanide?

Whether it's just something enjoyable to ride, or something far more sinister, either are perfect for your fun filled, post-apocalyptic, cross-country, zombie-infestation needs.

posted by quin (29 comments total)

I've never wanted my own personal tank. But I find that I want the Rip Saw anyway.
posted by Iridic at 1:02 PM on November 20, 2007

WANT!
posted by Debaser626 at 1:06 PM on November 20, 2007

Merge this thread with this one. And we gots ourselves one heck of a zombie pacification device.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:18 PM on November 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

stripped down Rip Saw + dual shotgun bed racks + twin auto shotguns = WIN!
posted by Artw at 1:19 PM on November 20, 2007

For the man who has everything except the Batmobile.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:21 PM on November 20, 2007

Rip Saw UGV tank, fast as a (slow) motorcycle!

Cool vehicle though. I wonder if it could knock over/through a more substantial structure, like a well framed house or a concrete wall. As mrzarquon says, we're getting close to the perfect zombie pacification arsenal.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 1:31 PM on November 20, 2007 [1 favorite]

No offense Astro.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 1:38 PM on November 20, 2007

Dude, YES.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:53 PM on November 20, 2007

Ever wanted your own personal tank?

No, but I have wanted an RKG-3 to throw at my neighbors the next time he rolls up his drive.
posted by prostyle at 1:56 PM on November 20, 2007

This reminds me of the greatest movie in the history of western cinema.
posted by A Long and Troublesome Lameness at 2:19 PM on November 20, 2007

How did I know what that would be before I even clicked on it. I don't know how I sat through that movie. Oh wait, I was in the midwest at the time.
posted by jeffamaphone at 2:37 PM on November 20, 2007

(in best Crocodile Dundee voice)

Tank? Tank? Heh. That's no tank. That's a somewhat-more-rugged than-usual ATV. I bet the curb weight on this baby is way less than a six-wheel transfer truck.

One lousy .50 round in the right place and this thing's a $200,000.00 paperweight. And that's nothing compared to what a real antitank weapon or a round from a actual tank -- even a WW II-vintage M-4 Sherman -- would do to this "tank"; you'd be really tired if you started walking around trying to identify all the far-flung debris.

Let's see these Ripsaw guys try this. And remember, anymore the Sherman's a small tank (in its day, it was classed as a "medium" tank, in fact). A Challenger or an Abrams, now, that's a big tank -- either has a curb weight more than twice that of a Sherman.
posted by pax digita at 3:09 PM on November 20, 2007

Uhh... pax digita's sherman tank is flying a confederate flag? WTF?
posted by wfrgms at 3:22 PM on November 20, 2007

Does it come as a hybrid? How many cup holders?
posted by Toekneesan at 3:28 PM on November 20, 2007

wdrgms - Perhaps it's escaped from a crappy Harry Turtledove novel?
posted by Artw at 3:39 PM on November 20, 2007

Also seconding the not-tank-actually-somewhat-more-rugged than-usual-ATV.

Though it's still less silly than a H2.
posted by Artw at 3:41 PM on November 20, 2007

Yeah, that's probably not armored as well as even an APC. It'd be good against light machine gun fire -- maybe -- but not much else.

I think even the pillboxes with wheels from WW1 could probably take one of those out.
posted by Malor at 4:14 PM on November 20, 2007

One lousy .50 round in the right place and this thing's a $200,000.00 paperweight.

I'll admit that this was my reaction too, but to me it looked like you could punch holes in it with a deer rifle.

And no protection for the tracks and drive wheels.

Probably safer in some good old fashioned Detroit Iron from the mid 60s. I'm sure you could take down a tarpaper crap-shack with a 65 Caddy, too.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:26 PM on November 20, 2007

It both amuses and terrifies me to find out that this thing is designed and built by identical twins.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 4:29 PM on November 20, 2007

Well, it looks like you got plenty of space on that to add some more armor, beefier engine to keep you moving quickly, and you have a decent light recon scout that adds more maneuverability than a heavier unit.

Not to mention a really good base to put an attack robot on.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:34 PM on November 20, 2007

It'd be good against light machine gun fire -- maybe

You couldn't get me to sit inside that while it got strafed with a SAW or an RPK for any amount of money. I think that sheet metal's just heavy-gauge enough to contain the rounds that penetrate it initially so they'll ricochet around the interior of the vehicle doing additional damage to whatever else they hit.

wfrgms, it's even funnier when you realize that like most redneck dumbfucks, they're expressing their Southern "heritage" not with the actual Confederate flag (scroll down) but with the Confederate Navy jack.
posted by pax digita at 4:38 PM on November 20, 2007

Probably safer in some good old fashioned Detroit Iron from the mid 60s.

I don't disagree, but the average '67 Impala doesn't quite have the same climbing abilities.

Though if someone happens to have one that they feel proves me wrong, I'll be happy to take it as a donation.

I'm sure you could take down a tarpaper crap-shack with a 65 Caddy, too.

*considers*

We need a '65 Cadillac and a tar paper shack. This is for Science! damn it.
posted by quin at 4:41 PM on November 20, 2007

Looks useful for SF Bay Area freeways!
posted by wckdgfy at 5:05 PM on November 20, 2007

A tracked vehicle has superior off road capabilities to a wheeled vehicle? No way, man. No way.
posted by mattoxic at 5:41 PM on November 20, 2007

This will be awesome for post-apocalypse road-warrior combat.
You'll need to add a crossbow/ballista turret and spikes and expanded metal windshield to fend off molitov cocktails.

And a hockey mask. You'll need a hockey mask.
posted by Balisong at 8:45 PM on November 20, 2007

If you watch the 13 minute movie you will find that the true purpose for the rip-saw is to solve domestic abuse situations. I always wondered what people did in maine all winter.
posted by phoffmann at 7:41 AM on November 21, 2007

The army doesn't currently have a Fast Attack Vehicle since the jeep was retired. The Hummer is really a half-ton truck, re-purposed beyond all feasability.

As a weapons platform, ammo hauler, comm center, or any other go-anywhere heavy hauling small vehicle, it's great. As a conveyance for mobile infantry, it sucks. Slow, awkward, thirsty. They need something like the ripsaw to reprise the FAV niche - maneuverable and fast and comparatively efficient.

What's more, main battletanks and APC's are on their way out. Too slow and too big - they're perfect targets for new and cheap next-gen anti-armor RPGs and anti-tank missiles. Something that's too small and quick to point a Wampyr at and its engine too small to be interesting to Javelin's targeting system.

A ripsaw with a big commodity pickup-truck diesel engine and composite armor (rather than big slabs-o-steel) is a fantastic idea. Light, so it's easy to airdrop, fast and maneuverable in all terrain... including urban environments.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:08 AM on November 21, 2007

Of course there is the invention known as "The helicopter".
posted by Artw at 11:22 AM on November 21, 2007

Choppers? 30 million bux each, guzzles aviation fuel, needs an eight man maintenance crew and a pair of officers with a few hundred hours of training to pilot, and is also hard to hide in the treeline.

Ripsaw? Quarter mill each, gets 20mpg on farm-grade diesel, needs two dumb grunts and a motorpool mechanic. You can hide it under a big hardware store tarp. Really good at hauling around shoulder-mounted anti-hellicopter missiles.
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:20 PM on November 21, 2007