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SchadenFilter: Darwin Awards 2007 announced
January 12, 2008 6:53 PM   Subscribe

2007's Darwin Award winners have been announced. This years crop includes death by enema, elevator, and electricity..

Previously discussed on MeFi here, here, and here.
posted by heeeraldo (59 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
Well you picked a good time to post this because none of the fucking pages are loading.
posted by puke & cry at 6:56 PM on January 12, 2008


Ben Stein might rebut that they were "Intelligently Destroyed."
posted by Down10 at 6:56 PM on January 12, 2008 [5 favorites]


If there was a Darwin Award for websites, they'd have to give it to themselves.
posted by localroger at 7:00 PM on January 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think it's been slashdotted; a post on the same thing is on the Slashdot feed.
(I got it from a non-MeFite friend who said they were up; maybe he saw it on /.)
posted by heeeraldo at 7:03 PM on January 12, 2008


One question I've always had about these 'awards' is how they confirm that the recipients have not procreated... After all, you should only "win" if you haven't passed on your genes yet.
posted by birdsquared at 7:07 PM on January 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


Coral Cache while the server evolves.
posted by unSane at 7:10 PM on January 12, 2008 [5 favorites]


No tiger?
posted by Artw at 7:10 PM on January 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


The sherry enema doesn't even come close to the concrete enema.
posted by Tube at 7:15 PM on January 12, 2008 [2 favorites]


can't check my sites, man... 404
posted by porn in the woods at 7:18 PM on January 12, 2008


The enema one is amusing, but it appears to have happened in 2004. Why is it a 2004 prize winner?..

Funny thing is, the right-hand column is taken up with a bunch of ads for enema kits.
posted by clevershark at 7:25 PM on January 12, 2008


I love the Google text ads for colonics and enema kits alongside the Darwin Award story on the death-by-sherry-enema dude
posted by jhiggy at 7:26 PM on January 12, 2008


Or the guy who gave an elephant an enema and suffocated under several tons of elephant poop.
posted by mike3k at 7:39 PM on January 12, 2008


Tube, I love how the ping-pong ball is sort of an "oh, by the way". Those supposedly unflappable Texas pilots have nothing on the med techs.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:47 PM on January 12, 2008


hey, heeeeraldo?
(sorry, can't get bruce's words out of my head...) thanks for posting
posted by localhuman at 7:52 PM on January 12, 2008


Since the Snopes page on the 2007 awards hasn't been posted, here's the page on the 2006 list, which includes the elephant enema story referenced by mike3k.
posted by cerebus19 at 7:56 PM on January 12, 2008


.
posted by R. Mutt at 8:31 PM on January 12, 2008 [1 favorite]


Man, I hate these things.
posted by ORthey at 8:34 PM on January 12, 2008 [4 favorites]


Quoth the server, 404.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:48 PM on January 12, 2008 [8 favorites]


More on the sherry enema guy, with photographs!!
posted by xmutex at 9:10 PM on January 12, 2008


local(puny)human: bah. you didn't insult me based on my profile information, or use obscure british slang or tell me to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. :p

on topic: Warren Ellis' comic Fell featured a death by enema in the first issue, which is readable (legally!) here. It's one of my favorite comics and also a really neat format experiment... maybe that'll be my next FPP.
posted by heeeraldo at 9:16 PM on January 12, 2008


Oh, Figure 2, how I love you.

Thanks, Tube.
posted by nosila at 9:54 PM on January 12, 2008


Funny, I was going to post this like a few weeks ago but it wasn't loading then either.
posted by Avenger50 at 10:26 PM on January 12, 2008


Up on the Roof (sound)

There's room enough for two
posted by caddis at 11:14 PM on January 12, 2008


You know who else loved alcohol enemas? That's right, the Mayans. And they're extinct too. Case closed.
posted by Rumple at 11:29 PM on January 12, 2008


wait.... heeraldo. serious here. I enjoyed the post.

I did. I was referencing the way in which you were referenced by bruce in the awesome callout thread you made of him, and hoping you'd recognize that stupid sentence of his and appreciate it. i was making fun of bruce, nothing else, and most definitely not you.
posted by localhuman at 11:54 PM on January 12, 2008


Ha ha! Those people weren't as smart as I am, and now they're dead. I feel validated.
posted by "Tex" Connor and the Wily Roundup Boys at 12:06 AM on January 13, 2008 [7 favorites]


Finally, something I can feel good about.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 12:12 AM on January 13, 2008


local: oh, no, I got that... I was expecting more profanity and general curmudgeonliness from a reference to bruce.

Although, I suppose that would be more of a channelling of him; in any case, thank you. Twice.

:# (I'm smiling... with braces!)
posted by heeeraldo at 12:54 AM on January 13, 2008


There but for the grace of God go

...people dumber than I!
posted by sourwookie at 1:50 AM on January 13, 2008


The Darwin awards are hilarious. It's always funny to me; every year I get to watch the same idiots print out the same dubious little descriptions of silly deaths and read them to everybody who'll listen at the office. Or post them all over the internet.

Also: I hope my death is funny and interesting like the ones listed here. And I hope to God some fool gets a good goddamned guffaw out of it. God knows there's not enough laughter in the world, especially at the expense of fucking dead people, and especially with a snide 'heh, good thing THEY'RE dead' posture.

Yeah, maybe I need to lighten up. Or maybe the Darwin awards are just a painfully unfunny waste of time.
posted by koeselitz at 2:28 AM on January 13, 2008 [3 favorites]


I fit God in there three times. See if you can figure out why.
posted by koeselitz at 2:29 AM on January 13, 2008


ORthey: "Man, I hate these things."

Yeah, I totally agree. Okay, the things they did were stupid, and they died. I guess I fall in the camp that says someone dying sucks no matter how hilariously it happened. "Ha ha, these people died having sex on a roof. What morons!"

Maybe I am the only person in the world other than these guys, but I have done really stupid things in my life. Maybe not "I could die in a funny way" stupid, but definitely "I could die in a very dead way" stupid. That I have survived indicates not that I am more evolved, but simply more lucky.

I also think they are running out of good material, if any of this can be called "good material." The elevator story, for instance, is based off of a Babelfish-translated article. I can't find any evidence of this article anywhere else, so as far as we know this is more an anecdote than a real story. It's not clear why she called down, only that she was calling down for help (para solicitarle ayuda a alguna persona que se encontraba en la planta baja). This is transformed into "she needed something from the floor below" which somehow makes it seem like a case of just being lazy. The Darwin Awards people also seem to suggest that she had ample time to pull her head out of the shaft, but the original article suggests it was coming up just as she stuck her head in the elevator (sin percatarse que el ascensor ya se aproximaba). My guess is they probably all used the shaft all the time to send messages back and forth, and she was the one unlucky one who stuck her head in the shaft the same instant and elevator was coming up in the other direction.

The Darwin award specifically questions why she did not use an intercom or phone to reach the people below, but the original article makes no mention of either of these and I would not be surprised to hear that neither were present in the hotel.

So, yeah. Ha ha! Industrial accidents are funny now.
posted by Deathalicious at 4:15 AM on January 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yeah, for extra laughs make sure to read the original submissions, so you can see just how wrong the Darwin awards people get these stories.
posted by Deathalicious at 4:21 AM on January 13, 2008


I fit God in there three times. See if you can figure out why.

It's because you need to lighten up.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:43 AM on January 13, 2008 [2 favorites]


That's right, the Mayans. And they're extinct too.

We call them Mexicans and Central Americans now. There seem to be some of them left.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:48 AM on January 13, 2008


This year's Darwins seem more mean-spirited than funny. I seem to remember a few years ago they were more about irresponsibility than just accidents, things like drunken guys fighting each other with chain saws, rather than momentary lapses of judgement. I did enjoy the scrap metal thieves.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 5:39 AM on January 13, 2008 [2 favorites]


I see that 2008 is off to a good start - death by escalator surfing.
posted by caddis at 5:45 AM on January 13, 2008


MeFi: Damn you, your link is down...oh, wait, it's up...Man I hate reading these things...year after year after year I take time to read them...and complaining that they exist even though I laughed at them in college...Man I hate people that like these things [insert hypocritical statement about making fun of stupid people while complaining about stupid people who make fun of stupid people]...

**quietly sends link to med. report on concrete in guy's ass to buddies**
posted by Muddler at 6:00 AM on January 13, 2008


Deathalicious writes "So, yeah. Ha ha! Industrial accidents are funny now"

Eponystericality aside, I have to praise you for paying so much attention to a story, it's kind of rare these days.

Deathalicious writes "That I have survived indicates not that I am more evolved, but simply more lucky"

Indeed, but take Sharky the pearl diver story. He spills petrol nearby a running and hot machine, he dives with a lifeline nearby a spinning propeller. Does he have any sense of danger whatsoever or what is impairing his judgment ?

It could be that he was a victim of Darwin being correct, indeed. That is because there is no such thing as spinning propellers, lifelines and hot engines in nature.

Similalry, I know some people with such horrible car driving skills I want to stop the car and do the driving. In a couple instances I discovered the drivers didn't have any bike experience, so their perception of when it was safe to start braking was less then safe. Why ? Possibily because they never had some collision, but also because humans beings didn't "evolve" in an environment characterized by (relatively) many dangerous high speed movements.

In another parallel , I think it was Richard Dawkins (who still is a biologist after all) point out that people don't have a "natural perception" of atomic dimensions of matter because we interact with matter at another scale ,well above molecules.
posted by elpapacito at 6:40 AM on January 13, 2008


Dehumanizing.
posted by hermitosis at 7:22 AM on January 13, 2008


This year's Darwins seem more mean-spirited than funny. I seem to remember a few years ago they were more about irresponsibility than just accidents, things like drunken guys fighting each other with chain saws, rather than momentary lapses of judgement.

No, the Darwin Awards have always been mean-spirited. They've always included everyday accidents and then shined a comedic light upon them to give them a context of being funny. As if somebody accidentally tripping into oncoming traffic is a pratfall or something.

I was surprised that they made a movie out of the Darwin Award's, until I read about the premise. If the people who collected the stories were to only include such things as someone trying to hold up a gun store or some guy strapping a rocket to his car, I would understand. I still wouldn't think it's funny, but I'd understand.

I always thought that website had a kind of sadistic stink to it.
posted by P.o.B. at 7:33 AM on January 13, 2008


I've always wanted to throw the author of 'the darwin awards' down an elevator shaft, thus kicking off the 'poetic justice' awards...
posted by troybob at 8:34 AM on January 13, 2008 [4 favorites]


God knows there's not enough laughter in the world, especially at the expense of fucking dead people...

In fairness, only one of the awards involved fucking dead people.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:12 AM on January 13, 2008


None of these are funny enough. I'm going to go out and kill someone in an especially entertaining way.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:32 AM on January 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


Among my friends, it is a time-tested tradition to wish upon one another an "uninteresting death".
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:46 AM on January 13, 2008


This is an abomination. It's dehumanizing.

And there are plenty of other things to "lighten up" over, so save your inane comebacks.
posted by wfc123 at 10:14 AM on January 13, 2008


I wonder how Darwin himself would feel about all this.

I also wonder, how laughing at death can ever be a good idea. We may need more laughter in the world, but that just means we need more people to listen to Mitch Hedberg. And yeah - "lighten up" is not appropriate here.

I bet Darwin is happy to see his tortoise again.
posted by ORthey at 10:19 AM on January 13, 2008


the enema of my enemy is my friend (oh, and thank some of you for thinking of me).
posted by bruce at 11:02 AM on January 13, 2008


Even in Metafilter, people can be as sick as in Digg and Reddit
posted by zouhair at 11:46 AM on January 13, 2008


Frankly I don't think it's possible for someone to think "since I can't drink, maybe I can just pour liquor up my ass" without coming to what AA'ers call a "moment of clarity". You know, that time when the brain can't help but make you realize that if you continue down this path you will die. Then again if you still go through with that hare-brained scheme it may be assumed that this isn't the first "imminent death" warning you've decided to ignore.
posted by clevershark at 12:02 PM on January 13, 2008


The elevator thing is pretty horrendously misrepresented. I especially like how the darwin award description makes a big deal of how she should have seen the elevator coming up towards her, since she was shouting down the shaft, while the original article in Spanish (and the Babelfish translation) make it clear that the elevator hit her head from above.

They also manage to misunderstand and think the gym was in a hotel, when the original submitter merely found the article when looking for a press reference for another elevator accident, in the hotel where he worked, and they think she was working out at the gym, when it seems she was actually working there.

So yeah, horrid hack-job. And, you know, the whole social darwinism stink on the Darwin awards is pretty ugly in general.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 3:07 PM on January 13, 2008


This is not funny at all. Most of them aren't even coincidental or ironic enough to be interesting, they're just upsetting. A selection: Man killed while demolishing a barn. Pedestrian hit by a car during rainy weather. Guy killed by a malfunctioning insulation canister. Those of you who can laugh at these people with the premise that they deserved to be taken out of the gene pool should take a second look at this post about workplace accidents, then think about all of the stupid-in-retrospect things you've done that you were lucky enough to survive.
posted by teem at 3:35 PM on January 13, 2008


The Darwin Awards have jumped the shark. Except they didn't make it all the way over and the shark ate them.
posted by crossoverman at 4:24 PM on January 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


you can put port in your sherry, but don't ever put sherry in your port.
posted by bruce at 6:08 PM on January 13, 2008 [3 favorites]


All I can think about is the families of these people, and how upsetting it would be to them to have the deaths of their loved ones put up on a website so that random people on the internet can laugh at them.
posted by Hildegarde at 8:49 PM on January 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


If you are a relative of someone who died in an unusual way, or are an ardent "."ist who feels everybodies pain, then I would really strongly advise avoiding the Darwin award site altogether.
posted by Artw at 10:56 AM on January 14, 2008


Did anyone here see the Darwin Awards Movie? If not, I'll take one for the team and watch it. If I survive, I'll post results here.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:18 PM on January 14, 2008


And if I don't survive, feel free to laugh about the fact that I died watching the Darwin Awards Movie
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:29 PM on January 14, 2008


We have another contender for 2008, and it may be a two-fer after Pennsylvania executes the husband.
posted by caddis at 8:53 AM on January 26, 2008


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