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DO NOT WANT unless starving
January 30, 2008 2:21 PM   Subscribe

I can has... wait, it's canned? Canned cheeseburger, only €3.95.

via William Gibson.
posted by whir (81 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Actually, surprisingly tasty.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 2:25 PM on January 30, 2008


These will be worth their weight in bacon after the nuclear apocalypse.
posted by mullingitover at 2:28 PM on January 30, 2008


So Germans will put a cheeseburger in a can as a sort of MRE thing for backpacking expeditions.

I suspect soon enough Americans will put a cheeseburger in a can so people are spared the trouble of assembling bun, meat, and cheese all on their own. Also, the burger will be made out of corn syrup.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:28 PM on January 30, 2008 [7 favorites]


I like to eat my canned cheeseburger while reading Fark.
posted by LarryC at 2:28 PM on January 30, 2008


I can serve you a canned cheeseburger, or maybe you'd rather I opened a can o' whoop-ass.
posted by nola at 2:29 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Henry C. Mabuse, have you really had one? Give us your take. Does it really look as good when it comes out of the can as the picture implies?
posted by misha at 2:31 PM on January 30, 2008


No way it looks like that coming out of a can. I am guessing is says in microprint somewhere "recommended serving suggestion, cheese tomato and lettuce not included".
posted by Meatbomb at 2:31 PM on January 30, 2008


Can Has Cheezburger?
posted by chimaera at 2:31 PM on January 30, 2008 [19 favorites]


Actually, surprisingly tasty.


C'mon, dish >Henry C. Mabuse!

Tell us more! "Surprisingly" - how?

(Or more than what?)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 2:33 PM on January 30, 2008


Whoa. A wave of fear just washed over my heart.
posted by ignignokt at 2:34 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I mean - what misha said!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 2:35 PM on January 30, 2008


I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a canned cheeseburger today.
posted by papakwanz at 2:37 PM on January 30, 2008


I'd gladly pay you Tuesday to not have a canned cheeseburger ever.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:41 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


You just wait till that after midnight hunger-bug hits you. Just like those 49 hour hotdogs at the 7/11 that have twirled over and over again. You buy one and its the most delicious thing you've ever tasted. Wha-La! Cheeseburger in a can.
posted by doctorschlock at 2:42 PM on January 30, 2008


Crap, I asked for no botulism.
posted by aftermarketradio at 2:44 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


It tastes like burning.
posted by blue_beetle at 2:45 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


A wonderful German invention, but I ask this on behalf of every red-blooded American male:

Can you shotgun it?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:47 PM on January 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


Combination marijuana and canned cheeseburger vending machine.
posted by parki at 2:49 PM on January 30, 2008 [6 favorites]


I will display my can o' cheeseburger on the shelf next to my unopened Stuckey's Pecan Log. I shall sleep with a contented smile, knowing my life is complete.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:54 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Have you guys seen the Peronin product from the same company ? Burger I can has from Burger King :-) , but Peronin appears to be utterly useful and xactly with needed
posted by elpapacito at 2:56 PM on January 30, 2008


WARNING: If can has a dent, put it back on the shelf.*

*Also applies if can has no dent.
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:56 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Alright, canned hamburger = disgusting and counter-intuitive.

But Thorzdad, you have an Stuckey's Pecan Log, and you didn't eat it?

Wow, not only are you not from around here, you must have the will power of the gods.

Pecans logs = FOOD LOVE !
posted by humannaire at 3:01 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Spork worthy.
posted by The Straightener at 3:02 PM on January 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


No Coke. Pepsi.
posted by william_boot at 3:02 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I suspect you pretty much have to eat it with a spoon.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:03 PM on January 30, 2008


blue_beetle: It tastes like burning.

Correction, tastes like abortion.
posted by pyrex at 3:04 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Also, the burger will be made out of corn syrup.

So like a regular fast food burger?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 3:04 PM on January 30, 2008


Mentioned yesterday on The Sneeze.
posted by christopherious at 3:05 PM on January 30, 2008


Should I find it disturbing that I'm now craving a cheeseburger from Sonic?
posted by slogger at 3:06 PM on January 30, 2008


And you can use the empty can to catch your vomit!
posted by brain_drain at 3:12 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Now, when they successfully get the deep-fried, cheese-covered 100% baconburger into a can, I shall sit up and take notice. Unless my arteries are too hard by then.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:14 PM on January 30, 2008


"Wha-La! Cheeseburger in a can."

Wha-La? Are you fucking kidding?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:19 PM on January 30, 2008 [10 favorites]


They should put more chocolate chips in the bread, add extra syrup, and then baconate it.
posted by blue_beetle at 3:19 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


All of the foods on that site are dehydrated (read the text on the site's main page) so I suspect that the patty is in the can, but all else is "Hiker brings all" eg the bun, the lettuce (so pretty in the picture, don't you think?) the ketchup, the works.

there's also dehydrated wine on another page - hot drink and cold drink version.

Sorry to burst your bubbles, bubs :)
posted by seawallrunner at 3:22 PM on January 30, 2008


All I can think of is the episode of Twilight Zone called "Two" in which Charles Bronson fights with a woman over a can of fried chicken. I'm still looking for canned fried chicken. Not very hard but still.
posted by Hugonaut at 3:32 PM on January 30, 2008


there's also dehydrated wine on another page

What?! Like Pop Rocks with an alcohol content? DO WANT
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:35 PM on January 30, 2008 [3 favorites]


"Wha-La! Cheeseburger in a can."

Wha-La? Are you fucking kidding?


I believe 'Wha-La' is probably the appropriate spelling for a bastardization such as a cheeseburger in a can.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 3:39 PM on January 30, 2008


Doesn't boggle the mind as much as when they invented the microwaveable milk shake.
posted by furtive at 3:43 PM on January 30, 2008


"CanBurger" with lots of photos, including inside the can. (scroll way down)
posted by R. Mutt at 3:44 PM on January 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


Mmmmm. Mahlzeit!
posted by chillmost at 3:45 PM on January 30, 2008


I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

*plunk*

I CAN HAS CAN OPENER?

*clatter*

I CAN HAS OPPOSABLE THUMBS?

.....

SHIT.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:45 PM on January 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


More "inside the can photos here. MMM, art.
posted by R. Mutt at 3:52 PM on January 30, 2008


louche: It has a pull tab. And any good Swiss cat (yes people, this is a Swiss product, not a German one) will have a Swiss Army Knife anyways.
posted by ssg at 3:57 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


you could not pay me enough to try this stuff - it looks vile. The writeup near the photos states that there were some free samples in the Oldest Market In Paris every Saturday during the month of December. Glad I missed this.
posted by seawallrunner at 3:57 PM on January 30, 2008


These need to be included for sale in the marijuana vending machines.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:02 PM on January 30, 2008


It's safer to stick to the traditional way of the future.
posted by tellurian at 4:02 PM on January 30, 2008


louche mustachio - it's a pop-top. I know raccoons can open those things (I wouldn't be surprised octopodes could figure it out too).
posted by porpoise at 4:05 PM on January 30, 2008


Hmmph. My cat's wet food has a pop-top, too. So far she has failed to open it herself, but I'll keep you posted.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:12 PM on January 30, 2008


Gott liebe! Racoons?
posted by Flashman at 4:13 PM on January 30, 2008


Gotta say, the copy on the gizmag is just shite. Perhaps is a babelfish translation.
posted by mattoxic at 4:15 PM on January 30, 2008


A French artist has 10,000 hamburgers canned by an unnamed German meat-preserving company for an art exhibit entitled CANBURGER and and hands them out on the street during December. His show opens on January 25th. Two days later, Katadin (a Swiss company) announces the release of the cheeseburger in a can.

So is this an artist taking the idea for the canned hamburger from Katadyn (the Swiss company) or did Katadyn somehow catch wind of the French artist's German-produced hamburger in a can and take it one step further? Or is Katadyn actually the "German" company in question? Is this just a case of art and business converging on the same idea at the same time?
posted by ssg at 4:18 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Damned sinister raccoons! They open up jars and stuff!
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:20 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


All of the foods on that site are dehydrated (read the text on the site's main page) so I suspect that the patty is in the can, but all else is "Hiker brings all" eg the bun, the lettuce (so pretty in the picture, don't you think?) the ketchup, the works.

It actually says "designed so it can be prepared [...] using only water and fire". And in this case, the water's for boiling the can in - The press release says "Simply heat the can in a water bath, open the lid, and enjoy your cheeseburger".

Two days later, Katadin (a Swiss company) announces the release of the cheeseburger in a can.

The original press release is dated the 17th.
posted by cillit bang at 4:22 PM on January 30, 2008


Just noticed, it's the 17th of July 2007.
posted by cillit bang at 4:25 PM on January 30, 2008


There is a full page ad for the Mike Bouchet's "Canburger" exhibit in this month's ArtForum.
posted by R. Mutt at 4:26 PM on January 30, 2008


Y'know, suddenly I really want a cheeseburger.

Et, whaa la!
posted by miss lynnster at 4:33 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


The presidential race is cheeseburger in a can.
posted by Huplescat at 4:39 PM on January 30, 2008


cillit bang: Where did you find the original press release?
posted by ssg at 4:49 PM on January 30, 2008


On the corporate website. It's linked in my last comment.
posted by cillit bang at 5:05 PM on January 30, 2008


"Y'know, suddenly I really want a cheeseburger.

Et, whaa la!"


Et two, miss lynnster?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:50 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


But Thorzdad, you have an Stuckey's Pecan Log, and you didn't eat it?

But, it's a prime mid-90's vintage log! It's barely aged properly.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:57 PM on January 30, 2008


Though on the dry side, it does remind one of the onion.
posted by Tube at 6:02 PM on January 30, 2008


Pfft. Vegetarian burgers have been coming canned for years.

Welcome to the 21st century, omnivores.
posted by cmgonzalez at 6:05 PM on January 30, 2008


It's a bit moist, and the meat is rubbery, but I like food that is awful. Also, I lied.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 6:07 PM on January 30, 2008


Someone at SA ate one and posted pics!

How I love the internet.
posted by frecklefaerie at 6:45 PM on January 30, 2008 [4 favorites]


would you like canned fries with that?
posted by jonmc at 7:32 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


Someone at SA ate one and posted pics!
What's all that 'our' in the ingredients (wheat our, malt our, mustard our)? Also, it has sponge in it?
posted by tellurian at 8:00 PM on January 30, 2008


From the photos, I think it's pretty fair to describe that bun as "spongy". In case you need emergency birth control on the mountain. Those mountaineers, you know...
posted by Jilder at 8:15 PM on January 30, 2008


Doubts this one has. I mean, how in heck can a canned burger be sold as lighter than the ingredients one would be required to carry in order to make a cheeseburger after a day's pitonning up the Matterhorn?

"A canner exceedingly canny
One evening remarked to his granny:
'A canner can can anything that one can
But a canner can't can a can,
Can he?"
posted by Mike D at 8:22 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


I wouldn't eat this if it was 3 years after the nuclear holocaust.







Unless it had A1 sauce on it.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:31 PM on January 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


tellurian:
It looks like "our" in the English ingredients corresponds to "Mehl" in the German, which apparently means "flour."
posted by Sand Reckoner at 10:02 PM on January 30, 2008


I am so pleased that the internet has provided a first-person narrative of someone eating a can of cheeseburger. It warms my cockles.
posted by blacklite at 1:38 AM on January 31, 2008


tellurian: "Someone at SA ate one and posted pics!
What's all that 'our' in the ingredients (wheat our, malt our, mustard our)? Also, it has sponge in it?
"


Well, according to this the translation of the German "Vorteig" (lit. "pre-dough", a dough that's created explicitly to allow yeast to multiplay) is "yeast sponge". It's not our fault your language is so strange... ;)
posted by PontifexPrimus at 3:11 AM on January 31, 2008


FelliniBlank: "Now, when they successfully get the deep-fried, cheese-covered 100% baconburger into a can, I shall sit up and take notice. Unless my arteries are too hard by then."

I see your cheesy baconburger and raise you a bacon cheese baconburger. Also included are bacon cereal and the ultimate bacon sandwich. None of which are canned.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:02 AM on January 31, 2008


PontifexPrimus writes "It's not our fault your language is so strange..."

Except English a Germanic language, which means it's at least partly your fault. :)
posted by caution live frogs at 6:06 AM on January 31, 2008


I see your cheesy baconburger and raise you a bacon cheese baconburger. Also included are bacon cereal and the ultimate bacon sandwich. None of which are canned.

Meanwhile, to get the metallic aftertang of canned cheeseburger out of your mouth, try a handful of Bacon Mints.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:27 AM on January 31, 2008


Meanwhile, to get the metallic aftertang of canned cheeseburger out of your mouth, try a handful of Bacon Mints.

Make sure to wash it down with a shot of Bacon Vodka.
posted by sephira at 12:52 PM on January 31, 2008


Here is a better bacon sandwich.

Only the laughter is canned.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:15 PM on January 31, 2008


Is this just a case of art and business converging on the same idea at the same time?

Ah, steam engine time! Only, like, for canned cheeseburgers.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:22 AM on February 2, 2008


Just in case you'd prefer a canned bacon cheeseburger.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:05 PM on February 3, 2008


Important update! The Onion AV Club does a taste test, with video. Summary: "it's pretty much like a dog-food patty."
posted by whir at 2:49 PM on February 26, 2008


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