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At The End Of The World, No One Can Hear You Scream.
February 11, 2008 12:00 AM Subscribe

10 Disasters That Could Cause The End The World At Any Given Second. [Via, via].
posted by amyms (92 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

I'm sorry, but I can't take an article with a Mars Attacks! screengrab seriously.
posted by flatluigi at 12:13 AM on February 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Bubble Nucleation's got my vote. That false vacuum freaks me out every time I see it.
posted by Xurando at 12:15 AM on February 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, for goodness sake. These are really scraping the bottom of the barrel, here.

A friend of mine who's an expert in gamma ray bursts tells me that the chances of one of these actually affecting earth is so low as to be practically nonexistent. The same goes for most of the other "scientific" scenarios. And as for some of the others -

"4. Omega Point"

The universe will become conscious (somehow.) Oh no! And it will inalterably change things (somehow.) Oh no!

"6. Divine Intervention ... Despite its lack of scientific evidence it gains validity through strong support."

Er ... no it doesn't. I don't think that word, "validity", means what the author thinks it means.

"8. Aliens Attack The Earth"

And they read too much science fiction, too.

Finally, at the end, there are two scenarios which are at least plausible ways the human race could die off. But sheesh.
posted by kyrademon at 12:17 AM on February 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

> Although the concept of black holes was conceived in 1915 by Einstein (some may argue earlier)

Some may argue earlier.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:19 AM on February 11, 2008

I feel fine.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:22 AM on February 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*runs, trips, breaking a heel on her pump, crawls away, scremaing, eyes fixed in terror on the sky, white gloves on black asphalt*
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:22 AM on February 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

Also, they left out one of the most plausible end-of-the-world scenarios.

This is a dumb list.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:24 AM on February 11, 2008

Ask Metafilter: Surviving a supernova
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:28 AM on February 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

After I saw Rogue Black Holes I thought "What's next, the return of Christ?"

Heh. Yeah.
posted by sambosambo at 12:28 AM on February 11, 2008

Dumb maybe, but the Geneva LHC is about a mile from my office, so let's just hope those black holes do *evaporate* shall we?
posted by jontyjago at 12:44 AM on February 11, 2008

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*runs, trips, breaking a heel on his pump, crawls away, scremaing, eyes fixed in terror on the sky, white gloves on black asphalt*
posted by From Bklyn at 12:49 AM on February 11, 2008

When I was a kid, I was terrified that my life would end in an epic disaster scenario. I came of age in late 70s/early 80s Kansas, so it was either going to be nuclear annihilation or tornadoes. Now, as a jaded adult, I'm fascinated by end-of-the-world predictions, and I thought these were interesting, but I like Ambrosia Voyeur's and From Bklyn's reactions. I can envision myself doing the same, but without the white gloves.
posted by amyms at 1:00 AM on February 11, 2008

robtf3 - There are a lot of species on the planet, most of them being insects and the like. This source says 30 to 100 million. 30,000 seems like a reasonable estimate with all the habitat destruction we manage on a yearly basis.
posted by Jawn at 1:04 AM on February 11, 2008

They left out zombies. *sigh*
posted by slimepuppy at 1:15 AM on February 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

They ain't got diddly squat on the mundi.
posted by revmitcz at 1:30 AM on February 11, 2008 [5 favorites]

There's also the risk that planet earth might start a blog claiming it will self-destruct in 90 days.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:32 AM on February 11, 2008 [9 favorites]

Eh, 30,000 species become extinct every year? New species on top of that? I don't believe that... How many species are on earth? How many are new? I'm sorry, but we've heard (or I've heard) about global warming or at least problems with how we treat the world and it's species since the early 90's. I really don't think that 510,000 species have become extinct. That's from 1990 on of course.

There are disagreements about how many species there are on Earth. (Hell, there are disagreements about what a species is.) We can't see most of them, or just can't catalog them due to limited resources and time, the problems of samplings, getting sufficient information to study, etc. etc. The figures range from about 10 to 50 million. The numbers of species lost per year is similarly an estimate, for the same reasons, but 30K is mid-to-high in the range. So ballpark we lose 1/1000 of our species every year. The extinction rate has been ramping up since around the 1700s, until now we seem to be losing species faster than at any time in history.

How can we lose 30K species a year and not notice? First, most species are insects, fish, creepy-crawlies that are below our attention. Second, extinction isn't a point event. It's hard to saw when something goes extinct - you just stop seeing it and after a while (decades) figure you won't be seeing it again. Finally, we (naturalists / scientists / etc.) do notice them disappear. The extinction of individual bee or midge species gets little popular press. Stick a rare tiger in a zoo - huzzah! We saved it!

The rate of creation of new species is - in the current time frame - essentially negligible. Although highly variable, in reconstructions and simulations you'll usually have a species lasting for millions of years before splitting into new "daughter" species. So we may only getting a few new species a year, which versus 30K loss is chump change.

Is extinction a problem? You bet. Put it this way: every night I show up and remove a single small piece from your car: a screw, a cap, a wire. Will your car break down immediately? Probably not. Will you even notice for a while? Probably not. Will your car stop running eventually? Inevitably.
posted by outlier at 1:47 AM on February 11, 2008 [7 favorites]

Although, tensions between world groups wax and wane causing the public to frequently go from worrying about a global war to forgetting about it, global war is a constant threat. It is believed that there are at least 20,000 active nuclear weapons in the world. A malicious use of these weapons or even an accidental nuclear exchange or misfire could be disastrous for the planet. Even more worrisome should be the treat of biological warfare.

Mmm, anthrax treats.

Or shitty proof-reading, one of the two. This article reads like it was written by 12 year olds.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:55 AM on February 11, 2008

From the AskMe Blazecock Pileon linked above, this is the most eponysterical answer I've seen for some time.
posted by sveskemus at 2:15 AM on February 11, 2008

The probability of most of these happening is as close to zero as makes no odds.

The particle accelerator one isn't going to happen because the smaller a singularity is, the more quickly it evaporates from Hawking radiation. Any singularity created by the LHC would evaporate before it had time to absorb even a neutrino (the particle with the lowest mass).

Only the last two (thermonuclear warfare, runaway ecological collapse) are really valid concerns, and to those I would add the Yellowstone Caldera, and major asteroid impact.
posted by Ryvar at 2:24 AM on February 11, 2008

The hoards of invading Box Jellyfish might grow legs and leave the water.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:27 AM on February 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

11. Everything just... well... just stops.
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 2:29 AM on February 11, 2008

That's great, it starts with an earthquake ...
posted by bwg at 2:36 AM on February 11, 2008

The Top 2 Things That Could Kill This FPP, Like, Right Now And Stuff.

1. Snark.
2. A mod closing it with a comment that a lot of the things in the link are crazy stupid.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:39 AM on February 11, 2008

posted by bystander at 2:51 AM on February 11, 2008

11. Carrot Top becomes President of the Earth for Life.
posted by zippy at 3:00 AM on February 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

Why are there no major charities for the gene sequencing of severely endangered species, and preservation of those genomes?

Somewhat related is the Svalbard Global Seed Vault, designed to preserve the plant germplasm from millions of agricultural species.
posted by RichardP at 3:00 AM on February 11, 2008

A post entirely about science but with virtually no scientific merit. Top stuff.
posted by twirlypen at 3:02 AM on February 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

Ryvar: gene sequencing is expensive, grabbing the whole organism and dropping it in the deep-freeze is cheap. I think there's a project to that effect, but Google's not bringing much right now.

(I wish a "top 10 list" linkbait article hadn't made it to the front page of metafilter).
posted by Leon at 3:09 AM on February 11, 2008

I watched an incredibly cheesy docudrama about four scenarios that could bring the end of the world in the space of a day, and even that alarmist show, with all the proclamations of "it's not a matter of if, but when we'll all be killed by a meteor strike!", couldn't bring itself to say the strangelet outcome was at all likely. "On this one we can sleep soundly," the talking head said.

P.S. Best of the Web since 1994? Better close up Metafilter now, before they find out we're working their side of the street.
posted by chrominance at 3:17 AM on February 11, 2008

Would global warfare caused by the destruction of the AlAksa Mosque and the rebuilding of the temple be considered divine intervention of just vast stupidity?
posted by mattoxic at 3:32 AM on February 11, 2008

What is meant by "end of the world"? World meaning planet? Because it will take a lot to destroy the earth, like the eventual death and expansion of the sun. Life on earth, not so much, but still more than germ warfare. Even the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs left a lot of life behind. I mean, we're here.

Because I feel like this piece of trash was an assault on my mind, I'll retaliate one-by-one.

1. Particle Accelerators - Who knows? Monkeying around with things we don't understand is usually good fodder for doomsday in science fiction. Coincidentally, this sets up the tone for the rest of the "article".

2. Rogue Black Holes - "Even scarier is the fact that our galaxy is full of collapsed stars waiting to turn into black holes, some astronomers estimate there are as many as 10 million."
Waiting, just WAITING. Seething in anger, waiting to take out humanity. Fragile, paranoid humanity. 10 million stars over the life of the galaxy. 10 million over the course of over 10 billion years. That's one every thousand years, tops. Oh, and distributed over a volume of zillions of cubic parsecs. With a greater probability towards the center of the galactic disc. Sorry, our planet is orbiting some average star way out in the unfashionable arm of the Milky Way. We're not in the center of things; we're just not that important.

3. Gamma-Ray Burst - "A burst 1,000 light years from the earth (further away than most of our stars) would create an explosion as bright as our sun and bring a hasty destruction to earth."
Well, which is it? Bright as the sun, or enough to fry earth? Because we've already got a sun, and we're used to that level of energy.

"Although our atmosphere and the ozone would provide protection at first it would soon be cooked away by the radiation."

How long is a gamma-ray burst anyway? Wikipedia: "The duration of a gamma-ray burst is typically a few seconds, but can range from a few milliseconds to minutes...." Okay, so if there were like 20 of these in a row, right on top of one another, it might start to cook the ozone layer slightly? "What's this layer of ozone? That's never been there." Because the gist I'm getting from this is that it's only as bright as the sun, and lasts maybe a minute in rare cases of an already rare (in our distant sector of the galaxy) event. So if this happens, it might look like day for a few seconds on the dark side of the planet. Ooh, scary.

4. Omega Point - How would this end the world? Would the suddenly sentient universe decide to destroy our planet on principle? Perhaps after reading this 'article'?

5. Bubble Nucleation - This could totally happen, guys. In fact, my cousin's aunt on the other side knew a guy who this happened to. Seriously, this could happen, but it's on the level of "don't go outside because you could be struck by a meteor!"

6. Divine Intervention - Go fuck yourself, article writer. You deeproastedblendwannabe adrevenuesniffing needadailylistofstufftoinflatemypagerank piece of scum trash. You can be silly, but don't piss down my throat and call it champagne.

7. Solar Activity (Super-Flares and Decreased Activity) - This is absolutely and totally plausible, but I doubt it would destroy the planet. Might kill us, though. But wouldn't end the world. Shit, the roaches would probably survive it.

8. Aliens Attack The Earth - Isn't this the same thing as #6? Didn't Star Trek (the original series, not the movies) teach us that we can't really tell God from an Alien or vice-versa? Either way, it's deus-ex-machina. Next.

9. Global War - Would not destroy the earth. Would not even end all human life, except in the most unlikely of scenarios. Who's going to bomb Papua New Guinea? And if it triggers a nuclear winter, hey, at least the eskimos will survive. In fact, they will thrive so well that eskimo kisses will just become known as "kisses".

10. Ecosystem Collapse - Once again, this might kill us, or it might not. It won't kill the roaches, and I doubt it will have any effect on the ecosystems living off of oceanic vents. Either way, the earth will still be here, and will keep on trucking. Not the end of the world, just the end of Man. Sorry, Man, you're just not that important.
posted by Eideteker at 3:41 AM on February 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

1. A race of mole men could also emerge tomorrow and take its rightful place at the top of the food chain. 2. I might realize the universe is a dream and turn my mind to more pleasant thoughts. 3. The world could just be a grain of sand on an enormous beach, about to be covered by an enormous wave. 4. A man jackhammering a street might hit it at just the right angle. 5. Obama might not gain the Democratic ticket. 6. Star Wars is real, Earth fake. 7. Everybody jumping in the air at the same time. 8. Fog. 9. Total economic collapse makes people more valuable as food than labor. 10. You lie on your taxes.

Maybe a year from now, somebody can FPP this comment!
posted by Citizen Premier at 3:44 AM on February 11, 2008 [6 favorites]

12. The Brawndo Corporation convinces all of humanity that electrolytes are "what plants crave."
posted by jozxyqk at 3:56 AM on February 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

You know, I should've just posted this as my first comment, would've made the whole post irrelevant: How to Destroy the Earth.
posted by chrominance at 3:59 AM on February 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

However, if one of these black holes was able to pull itself away from orbit and head towards earth...

Like, y'know, if the universal gravitational constant of the universe suddenly varied by several percentage points, for no good reason at all...
posted by pax digita at 4:19 AM on February 11, 2008

11. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:21 AM on February 11, 2008

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

via
posted by nax at 4:22 AM on February 11, 2008 [4 favorites]

The particle accelerator one is best countered by looking at the kinds of energetic events that happen fairly often with cosmic rays - we've not seen anything like that happen in our atmosphere yet, or in our cosmic neighbourhood, so it's unlikely to happen in the LHC.

I'd imagine you could put similar limits on the black hole scenarios and you certainly can with GRBs as has already been pointed out. Again, the continued existence of the universe for the past 14 billion years lends some weight to the idea that it won't suddenly switch states this week, so the vacuum-changing 'bubble nucleation' event is pretty much out too.

With all of these, the fact that the world hasn't ended in the last however many dozen petaseconds makes one feel fairly comfortable it won't end in the next few gigaseconds. (32 petaseconds being a billion years, 2 gigaseconds being about your lifespan, and 1 second being the timespan mentioned in the headline of the article).
posted by edd at 4:35 AM on February 11, 2008

I'm going back to bed.
Mondays.
posted by Dizzy at 4:38 AM on February 11, 2008

Sung to a nice Country beat:

Oh the Second Law of Thermodynamics made my woman leave me
How can I try to treat her right when I'm competing with Entropy
Oh my heart feels like a nuclear particle accelerator
Oh why can't you see
That the Second Law of Thermodynamics made my woman leave me

Thaingyavurmuhch
posted by Nick Verstayne at 4:47 AM on February 11, 2008

11. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

You misspelled "bears."
posted by Mr Bismarck at 4:52 AM on February 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

"Oh what the Hell, you gotta die of something."

~ Jimmy Malone; The Untouchables
posted by bwg at 4:57 AM on February 11, 2008

Here's a question, outlier: Why are there no major charities for the gene sequencing of severely endangered species, and preservation of those genomes? This is something I would gladly donate to, but as far as I know it doesn't exist.

Short answer: I don't know.

Long answer: There have been noises made about preserving species by preserving their genomes, and there are some projects that freeze down tissue samples for possible future sequencing. There's some problems, of course:

* A full genome sequence is still a challenging task. Maybe not for much longer, but right now we only have full genomes for a small number of organisms. And right now, our full genome projects are centered on (ahem) "useful" creatures. Hence the tissue projects, but you have to be confident that your storage and recovery is good enough so that DNA can later be extracted or it's just a waste of scarce resources.

* We haven't resurrected anything from pure DNA as yet. Sure, we'll probably work it out eventually but some experts wonder it might not be impossible. Without the infomation encoded by the cell the DNA is in, we may not have the full story.

* Saving one organism (one genome) isn't going to cut it. Low genetic diversity is a prescription for extinction. So we have to save several or even many genomes.

* We don't know about most life. I forget the current number of named species but it floats around 1-2 million. So we may know (i.e. have a name for) maybe 10% optimistically. The rest will be progressively harder to identify. And we can't save what we don't know about.

* There is a debate along the lines that if we go for genetic preservation, we're already admitting defeat and endangering what little conservation efforts we have in hand. I don't agree entirely, but it's not without merit.

It's seems to me that some sort of cost-effective exercise could be mounted, freezing away lumps of tissue. In a sense, museums already do something like this but aimed at preserving physical specimens rather than their DNA. Granted it's much easier for plants, but there's a few seed-banks for botanists, large freezers stuffed full of test-tubes of seeds, perfect matter for later resurrection.
posted by outlier at 4:59 AM on February 11, 2008

You guys misspelled BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!
posted by Nick Verstayne at 5:14 AM on February 11, 2008

They left out Ragnarök, which is the best misspelling of bëars of them all.
posted by allen.spaulding at 5:25 AM on February 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

Why are there no major charities for the gene sequencing of severely endangered species, and preservation of those genomes?

Because the engineers got all the money so they're building a giant space ship to send entire endangered habitats into space and preserve them there.
posted by biffa at 5:26 AM on February 11, 2008

AskMeta: If Galactus and Cthulhu figths over the right to devour us all, who will win?
posted by uandt at 5:30 AM on February 11, 2008

revmitcz, that Exit Mundi link is awesome. Humorous yet lucidly written, informative but with a tinge of blackhearted snark. I love it. Thanks!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:33 AM on February 11, 2008

Forgot Mayan calendar.
posted by flotson at 5:53 AM on February 11, 2008

Doing a full genome was a challenging task but Moore's law has been beating on biotech hard. There is probably already enough technical skill on Metafilter that if we all kicked in another five bucks we could do several species before the end of the year. Reconstituting a species is going to be a lot more difficult.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:16 AM on February 11, 2008

The extinction rate has been ramping up since around the 1700s, until now we seem to be losing species faster than at any time in history.

Do the dinosaurs and their associated era not have something to say about that? Shall we ask them?

Oh. Wait.
posted by Brockles at 6:25 AM on February 11, 2008

you people are really talking about this??????

he lost me at "Divine Intervention".... God had reason to blow this place to hell and back when Bush walked into the whitehouse...if he/she didn't do it then, he/she isn't going to do it!
posted by HuronBob at 6:32 AM on February 11, 2008

God had reason to blow this place to hell and back when Bush walked into the whitehouse

PRECISELY! Because before that, no human had ever done anything bad, right?

Sheesh. Compared to an awful lot of past and only recently past rulers, Bush is a paragon of virtue. Look up Despots and Dictators - Africa and Russia had some good ones. Look up 'The Middle Ages'. Whine about Bush if you want, but at least retain some perspective.
posted by Brockles at 6:36 AM on February 11, 2008

This would make a great Fox News series. Run the series on Monday mornings for 2 1/2 months. Call it something like the "Super Threat!" series or "Everybody You Know Is Going To Die?". Use an announcer who has the monster truck voice. It would be gold.
posted by Mr_Zero at 6:46 AM on February 11, 2008

Look up 'The Middle Ages'. Whine about Bush if you want, but at least retain some perspective.

Yeah, I hear they tortured people, suspended The Writ and started wars of aggression.
posted by null terminated at 6:54 AM on February 11, 2008

4. Omega Point

This term describes the ultimate maximum level of complexity-consciousness. Philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin believed that the universe is continuously working towards this point. The socialization of humankind, including creating more complex forms of communication and information exchange, increases the collective consciousness of the human race. Just as human beings can self-reflect, one day too the universe will hit the critical Omega Point and the collective consciousness of humankind will be able to reflect upon itself. This divine center of consciousness will draw together the entire universe and end the world as we know it.

Can someone please explain this one to me? Is it the galactic equivalent of Skynet going online?
posted by Afroblanco at 7:12 AM on February 11, 2008

They left out the one where computers take over and kill everyone.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 7:14 AM on February 11, 2008

The linked "article" reads like something at doubleviking.com. Please, let's leave the "Top N ways to [See more cleavage/wreck your pickup/outrun the law]" linking to digg.
posted by dammitjim at 7:25 AM on February 11, 2008

This article reads like it was written by 12 year olds.

11. Monsters - I was talking to my friend and he said that the government invented a big monster. They keep the monster down in the earths core and feed it with giant tubes that run from under the white house. Dude, no shit, LOLOLOL!111!!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:31 AM on February 11, 2008

Omega Point my ass. The world will end while we're watching TV. Consciousness has nothing to do with it.
posted by fourcheesemac at 7:31 AM on February 11, 2008

The Top 2 Things That Could Kill This FPP, Like, Right Now And Stuff.

1. Snark.
2. A mod closing it with a comment that a lot of the things in the link are crazy stupid.

Scenario #11 -

God closes the thread holds the universe, leaves snarky deletion reason, advises us to take our problems to Metatalk.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:36 AM on February 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Someday, somewhere, some script kiddie is going to get his hands on a trans-dimensional widget, and stick a screwdriver in the wrong place, turning the universe inside out. I just know it.
posted by Goofyy at 7:37 AM on February 11, 2008

11. Monsters
posted by CynicalKnight at 7:41 AM on February 11, 2008

Curiously, I can't take any article without a Mars Attacks! screengrab seriously.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:43 AM on February 11, 2008

#11. A 24 hour Richard Simmons network
posted by rudy26 at 8:01 AM on February 11, 2008

According to the leading cosmological model the universe began as a false vacuum of empty space filled with energy.

Wow. It'd be easier to believe in Creationism.
posted by vito90 at 8:16 AM on February 11, 2008

I am practicing my pronunciation of "Cthulhu"
posted by nax at 8:24 AM on February 11, 2008

Let me get this straight, they included some crystal-loving, dolphin-swimming, unicorn-humping Omega Point, universe becoming self-aware scenario nonsense, but they left off super-villian-with-a-doomsday-device-and-a-grudge?

On behalf of my unjustly scorned brethren, let me be the first to say, "See you in hell, fuckers!"

*presses big red button*
posted by quin at 8:32 AM on February 11, 2008 [3 favorites]

It probably won't be some fantastic end like blowing up or being sucked into some black hole but it'll be gradual. Earth starts having more frequent and urgent needs to pee; it can't quite recover from all-nighters anymore; starts watching CBS. Shit like that.
posted by hojoki at 8:58 AM on February 11, 2008

They missed widespread belief in Divine Intervention--a head-in-the-sand mentality that makes nuclear war and ecological collapse that much more likely.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:23 AM on February 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm with quin on this one. A much more interesting list would be the, "Top Ten Super Villains Who Could Actually Destroy the World," with the complementary "Top Ten Super Heroes to Stop It" list appropriately linked.

Please, no "save the cheerleader" comments.
posted by misha at 9:26 AM on February 11, 2008

Personally, I am rooting for the Omega Point.
posted by sour cream at 9:28 AM on February 11, 2008

What, no grey goo?
posted by ElmerFishpaw at 9:32 AM on February 11, 2008

So I'm wondering why a site that appears to be primarily a cheesy yahoo-clone content aggregator is hosting an article with no reference to where it came from, no link to its source at all.

Are we supporting plagiarists by linking to this? Or do they also write original content which just happens not to be mentioned or described anywhere else in their site? (I've googled and found no other site hosting the same article, just links to it, so it's quite possible I'm just being paranoid here, but it does look kind of odd, doesn't it?)
posted by ook at 9:34 AM on February 11, 2008

quin: is this the big red button that you're looking for?
posted by slogger at 9:40 AM on February 11, 2008

I hope one of these scenarios happens in my lifetime so that right at the moment when the end comes for us all I can light a cigarette and scream, "I WIN, YOU ANTI-TOBACCO MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:40 AM on February 11, 2008

That was phenomenally stupid. Yet someone was paid to write it and I was not. Hmmm...
posted by Naberius at 9:40 AM on February 11, 2008

11. Crab People
posted by thewalrusispaul at 10:18 AM on February 11, 2008

13. Star Strike is real.
posted by mazola at 10:24 AM on February 11, 2008

The particle accelerator one is best countered by looking at the kinds of energetic events that happen fairly often with cosmic rays

OMG Particle
posted by ryanrs at 10:25 AM on February 11, 2008

chrominance: "I watched an incredibly cheesy docudrama about four scenarios that could bring the end of the world in the space of a day, and even that alarmist show, with all the proclamations of "it's not a matter of if, but when we'll all be killed by a meteor strike!", couldn't bring itself to say the strangelet outcome was at all likely. "On this one we can sleep soundly," the talking head said."

That Wikipedia article links to the full-length program on Google Video, if anybody wants to check it out.
posted by Rhaomi at 10:31 AM on February 11, 2008

Ever read "Judgment Day" by L. Sprague de Camp? I think it'll be something like that.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:38 AM on February 11, 2008

You know, I should've just posted this as my first comment, would've made the whole post irrelevant: How to Destroy the Earth.

I think they used to have an "Earth Status: Not Destroyed" button. Makes you wonder why it's not there anymore.
posted by ersatz at 1:13 PM on February 11, 2008

Doing a full genome was a challenging task but Moore's law has been beating on biotech hard.

What does this statement even mean? Having a genome sequenced doesn't mean much without literally decades of laboratory and computational annotations and analysis per organism. "Biotech" is not a magic wand.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:08 PM on February 11, 2008

4. Omega Point

I love the idea that, when Ultimate Consciousness finally emerges and reflects on itself, its first response will be "eh, fuck THIS" and then it just ends the universe.
posted by a young man in spats at 3:44 PM on February 11, 2008

“Biotech" is not a magic wand.”

No, it’s more like Jazz hands, which could also end the world.
posted by HVAC Guerilla at 3:59 PM on February 11, 2008

biffa: "Because the engineers got all the money so they're building a giant space ship to send entire endangered habitats into space and preserve them there."

Great. So the future of our world is in the hands of ... Bruce Dern?
posted by Pinback at 4:34 PM on February 11, 2008

We can but hope.
posted by chrismear at 11:01 PM on February 11, 2008

Bruce Dern does not get all the credit.
posted by biffa at 1:49 AM on February 12, 2008

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