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Say it with small cheeseburgers.
February 14, 2008 3:22 AM   Subscribe

DOH. Its Valentine's Day and you forgot to make a reservation, and now everyone's all booked up. Except White Castle.

Tablecloths, candles, and even waiters, from what I understand. Accepting reservations for one day only, 5-9pm tonight.
posted by allkindsoftime (57 comments total)

 
*checks list for UK locations, cries.
posted by chrismear at 4:28 AM on February 14, 2008


"In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down!"
posted by solipsophistocracy at 4:59 AM on February 14, 2008 [3 favorites]


There's always Wimpy, Chris...
posted by bifter at 5:02 AM on February 14, 2008


While I'll admit to being quite the fan of their Bender in a Bun, I don't think even noble Wimpy will be doing the full-on candles and waiter service for St Valentine's Day. For today, at least, White Castle has the edge.
posted by chrismear at 5:20 AM on February 14, 2008


There's barely even any US locations. Has White Castle shrunk or is their fame larger than their market coverage?
posted by DU at 5:27 AM on February 14, 2008


Wiki isn't entirely clear but I think they've definitely shrunk. The remaining locations are mainly in the northern-midwest / northeast.

As far as their fame, the movie helped. They remain slider-meccas, of sorts, where they do exist.
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:47 AM on February 14, 2008


Harold and Kumar Maude go to White Castle.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 6:02 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


Actually, last year in New York, all the White Castles were booked up months in advance. No Joke.
posted by piratebowling at 6:02 AM on February 14, 2008


Brilliant! Maybe the one thing that could ever, ever get me even to consider celebrating this "holiday."
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:05 AM on February 14, 2008


The problem with this plan is that every White Castle I know is in a bad neighborhood. Case in point: About ten years ago, I was at my local White Castle at 3am for a few bugers and some chicken rings. There were three toughs drinking 40s of OE at the tables closest to the counter--which was, of course, surrounded by bullet-proof glass, like a bank.

The fourth tough was trying to complete his cash-for-food transaction, standing there with a bag of food in one hand, and trying to keep his pants north of his knees with the other, when he realized that a part of his order had, apparently, been missed.

Where's my chicken with cheese at, bitch?!

It's tough to hear the Slyderista through the bulletproof glass, when she's terrified, and English is not her first language, but apparently her response was not to his satisfaction. He got into her face, as much as one can through so many inches of Lexan, and repeated,

Where's my motherfuckin chicken with cheese at, bitch?!

Again, there was, apparently, no chicken with cheese forthcoming, or at least not soon enough, so he let loose with a string of profanity (or maybe he was quoting DMX) and--in a move that mystifies me to this day--hurled a burger at the glass.

I don't know if you're familiar with White Castle burgers, but they've got a bit of ketchup on them. Enough to sauce a meatloaf, at least. So here I was, standing at least ten feet away, trying to fill my 44oz Diet Coke, when I was hit in the head with a blob of ketchup. Ketchup everywhere, in fact; it looked like a crime scene (a crime worse than wasting a slyder, at least).

These young gentlemen stormed out of the restaurant, and we stood around waiting for our food (can't fight the crave, after all). A minute or two later, someone walks in and asks whose blue Camry was parked outside. As it turns out, a good substitute for chicken with cheese is some good, old-fashioned window-smashing.

And this is why you shouldn't take your sweetheart to White Castle on Valentine's Day or, in fact, any day.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:18 AM on February 14, 2008 [13 favorites]


oh god, I hope my fiancé doesn't read this.
posted by desjardins at 6:21 AM on February 14, 2008


Has White Castle shrunk or is their fame larger than their market coverage?

Their "fame" has always mystified me. Who'd have thought that tiny pieces of bland, grey gristle on tiny pieces of damp bread would appeal to anyone?
posted by middleclasstool at 6:22 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


oh god, I hope my mother doesn't read this.
posted by Dizzy at 6:23 AM on February 14, 2008


I went to White Castle for the first time in my life this week (in Indianapolis), and unless your sweetheart enjoys violent bouts of stomach cramps, I'd pass.
posted by krunk at 6:24 AM on February 14, 2008


Their "fame" has always mystified me. Who'd have thought that tiny pieces of bland, grey gristle on tiny pieces of damp bread would appeal to anyone?

Obviously you, sir, are not a golfer.
posted by kbanas at 6:25 AM on February 14, 2008


Having dinner with your love in the post apocalyptic hull of a marooned oil tanker would be more romantic than this. White Castles is nasty.
posted by cashman at 6:36 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


oh god, I hope my doctor doesn't read this
posted by DU at 6:36 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


There's an article in the St. Lousi Post Dispatch about this every year, it seems. I think it's a pretty good idea. Much better than going to a "nice" eatery on Valentine's Day, which is like trying to go out for a quiet, romantic drink on Newe Year's Eve.

I'm cooking tonight, myself. Maybe l'il hamburgers.
posted by Bookhouse at 6:50 AM on February 14, 2008


Where's my motherfuckin chicken with cheese at, bitch?!

That reminds me of when I stopped in Albion, MI at the local Burger King. I was sitting in line at the drive-through with my buddy for an ungodly amount of time behind another car, and parked off to the side was this old hooptie Buick with four of the meanest-looking dudes you have ever seen in your life. So after about what seemed like 10 minutes, one of these dudes gets out of the car and starts walking toward us. At this point we are looking around in my car for something we can use as a weapon, then looking for an escape route (but there is none... the drive through is enclosed by a curb and some shrubs), then finally trying to jack ourselves up for what we assume is going to be a mugging at gunpoint.

So luckily this dude walks right by us and starts pounding on the drive-through window. One of the girls who works there opens up the door next to the window and this dude looks at her with the most horrific stare I have ever seen and yells, "YO! WHERE MY FISH AT, GIRL?!"

We laughed ourselves absolutely stupid. And we still say that to each other to this day.
posted by fusinski at 6:53 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


uncleozzy, I sure hope that wasn't your blue Camry. And you're right: The two White Castles I'm aware of in my area, I don't think I'd want to visit in broad daylight.
posted by pax digita at 6:54 AM on February 14, 2008


I did something similar at a McDonalds, oh, 20 or so years ago. I took took my date through alleys and access roads to disguise our destination. When we got to the restaurant, I pulled out a small suitcase. Inside was a tablecloth, a candelabra , china, crystal, cloth napkins, and silver. The staff loved it, taking pictures, even coming by to refill our cokes. Then we went to the circus! It was about the best date an 18-year-old could put together. Damn, I'm sweet.
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:54 AM on February 14, 2008 [11 favorites]


My wife and I were hoping to do something like this in a foodcourt today.

We'd bring in a tablecloth, placemats, cutlery, china, napkins, candles (unlit), wineglasses, and then have a burrito and fries. Then it took far too long to get our daughter ready for daycare, so we may try this at the local sportsbar for dinner instead.
posted by Chuckles McLaughy du Haha, the depressed clown at 7:00 AM on February 14, 2008


White Castle is fucking delicious (and at the same time it is a stretch to even call it food, I mean it could be mistaken for something that was not food), but I'm not going to take my wife there for Valentines day, no sir. My local White Castle is essentially constructed like a pawn shop or check cashing place, no seats, just three inches of lexan and a bunch of agitated (people do seem to be all kinds of pissed when they are at White Castle) people yelling for food, it can be kind of hectic, but those little fuckers are so good and so bad. I mostly go to White Castles in working class/poor neighborhoods as opposed to "bad" neighborhoods, so it's not so much scary as what I imagine is being in some crazy pirate bazaar or something.

Hey, White Castle, why everyone so crazy in you?
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:14 AM on February 14, 2008


I mostly go to White Castles in working class/poor neighborhoods as opposed to "bad" neighborhoods, so it's not so much scary as what I imagine is being in some crazy pirate bazaar or something.

That sounds more like Checkers.
posted by The Straightener at 7:20 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well how about that! We're going there for V-Day ourselves. Went last year, too. It's becoming a tradition!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:23 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


^ isn't she grand?
posted by Stynxno at 7:24 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


One of my funnest V-Days ever was when I took my then girlfriend to a bar/microbrewery downtown where in the back room, the two of us got to watch "My Bloody Valentine" all by ourselves, projected onto the wall while drinking porter. Pure unfiltered awesome.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:32 AM on February 14, 2008


Metafilter: some crazy pirate bazaar or something.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:42 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


Done and done. Mine has a great booth right next to the drive-through where you can inspect late-night customers' stoned-out expressions.
posted by tmcw at 7:47 AM on February 14, 2008


Well how about that! We're going there for V-Day ourselves. Went last year, too. It's becoming a tradition!

I know. That's why I posted this. I go and I watch you guys.
posted by allkindsoftime at 8:09 AM on February 14, 2008


"Where's my motherfuckin chicken with cheese at, bitch?!"

Wow, you got to meet Ween! Lucky!
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 8:11 AM on February 14, 2008


That Ween song is awesome! I'll probably hate it by the end of the day though (Where'd the cheese go I don't know where'd the cheese go i don't know whered the cheesegoidontknowwhered....aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
posted by iamkimiam at 8:19 AM on February 14, 2008


I go and I watch you guys.

Heh. Creepy!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:24 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, I know what to do if I ever want to get divorced.
posted by nanojath at 8:31 AM on February 14, 2008


That is a wonderful jingle. I mean, it wouldn't get me to eat Pizza Hut, but still.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:34 AM on February 14, 2008


Whoa, I bought a bag of 5 last week and when I read "Taking reservations" on the sign, I thought they were joking!
posted by headspace at 9:21 AM on February 14, 2008


I prefer the sliders at Tasty In N Out. I think it's only sioux city, IA though.
posted by MNDZ at 9:32 AM on February 14, 2008


Okay, what? I know Sioux City, and I know In n Out, and so far as I know, the twain have never met.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:44 AM on February 14, 2008


Where's my motherfuckin chicken with cheese at, bitch?!

You could wash that down with some "Motherfucker, I want more iced tea."
posted by kirkaracha at 9:44 AM on February 14, 2008


The downfall of society is complete.
posted by chundo at 10:16 AM on February 14, 2008


Cop On Cop Shooting Update

More news about the wild shooting of the off-duty police officer Eric Hernandez by another cop at a Bronx White Castle during massive confusion (there was a gang present): First of all, it looks like Hernandez was drunk, as his blood alcohol was twice the legal limit when he was admitted to the hospital for the multiple gunshots. And police officers are not supposed to draw their guns when they are drunk; at the time Hernandez drew his gun, he had been beaten. Second, surveillance tapes show him getting brutally beating by the gang - which may have affected his ability to hear the other officer's warning shouts to drop his gun. Police only realized Hernandez was a cop when they found his badge in his pocket - after police officer Alfredo Toro, who responded to the scene earlier, had shot Hernandez. The tapes also show how an argument between a group of people and the White Castle manangement turned into a fight between the gang and Hernandez; plus how Hernandez crawled outside and how the group stole his burgers and hat.
posted by monospace at 10:19 AM on February 14, 2008


This is just calling out for a non-fiction collection - seriously.
posted by Ash3000 at 10:37 AM on February 14, 2008


cashman : Having dinner with your love in the post apocalyptic hull of a marooned oil tanker would be more romantic than this.

Is that an option? Because, that sounds seriously awesome. I mean, at the very least, it would be unforgettable.
posted by quin at 10:52 AM on February 14, 2008


My local White Castle is essentially constructed like a pawn shop or check cashing place.

Mine is right next door to a check-cashing place.

I'm fine with people going there on V-Day. What freaks me out is, when I was back at St. Louis, the way you would see people going through White Castle on their way to work in the morning. Their poor, poor co-workers!
posted by Bookhouse at 11:36 AM on February 14, 2008


I've seen this at the White Castle in my old 'hood in Brooklyn. Apparently most of the couples who go do it in order to make V-Day just memorable and fun, and are very good humored about it. I was, however, at that location once with some friends when a girl and a guy walked through the doors, visably uncomfortable. The girl was on the phone, loudly saying, "yeah, Im still on the date. we just got to the 'restaurant.'" You could quite clearly hear the quotation marks in her voice.

OTOH, I've heard the story of John and Elizabeth Edwards, on their first anniversary, went to Burger King because they couldn't budget for anything nicer, and that they meet at Burger King for each anniversary to this today.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:42 AM on February 14, 2008


Where I grew up, we had Krystal (warning: Flash intro) rather than White Castle...I wonder how many folks make it a V-day tradition? From the first two links Google pulled up when I searched for "krystal valentine reservation," I'd say it's not unheard of.
posted by pax digita at 12:39 PM on February 14, 2008


OTOH, I've heard the story of John and Elizabeth Edwards, on their first anniversary, went to Burger King because they couldn't budget for anything nicer, and that they meet at Burger King for each anniversary to this today.

Wendy's, actually. A little better than Burger King.
posted by Rangeboy at 1:03 PM on February 14, 2008


Just a thought: if you live a little more southerly, as I do and haven't ever seen a White Castle in your life, Chick-Fil-A is providing candlelight in the booths tonight for a little more romantic consumption of your chicken nuggets. Don't worry, fellas, I got your back.
posted by CwgrlUp at 2:34 PM on February 14, 2008


I don't know if you're familiar with White Castle burgers, but they've got a bit of ketchup on them. Enough to sauce a meatloaf, at least.

What kind of horrifying fancypants parallel universe do you live in? Sliders don't have ketchup on them. They have embedded fried onion slivers, and cheese, and dill pickles. That's all. No ketchup [shudder], no Grey Poupon, no arugula.
posted by FelliniBlank at 2:39 PM on February 14, 2008


I've only been to one White Castle and it was the one in Nashville. I head out there every few months. It's pretty much across the street from a Krystal which is basically the same thing. They're really aren't located in a bad area, at least from what I can tell.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:28 PM on February 14, 2008


Sliders don't have ketchup on them.

Here in NY (which you might argue is a horrifying fancypants parallel universe, I'll give you that), they do.

As an aside, I gave my girlfriend's dog the "meat" from a White Castle about two weeks ago. They had to put him down this week. Granted, he was a 12-year-old Shih Tzu, but I like to think that he realized that he could finally die happy, having experienced the best that life has to offer. (And not that it literally killed him; I have seen a beagle eat four at a time without chewing, and he's still wagging his tail.)
posted by uncleozzy at 3:43 PM on February 14, 2008


We're back from White Castle. It wasn't crowded, lots of empty tables.

And the food? Yea, there's a reason I only go once a year. Bleeeeech. ::passes out::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:11 PM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


And yes, sliders do have ketchup on them here in NY.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:12 PM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wow, I just. had. no. idea. there were regional slider differences. The Krystalburgers I had down south were identical to midwestern WCs. This is somewhat disquieting, but still, it's why I come to Metafilter: to learn the vital truths of existence.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:22 PM on February 14, 2008


New York: A horrifying fancypants parallel universe.
posted by chrismear at 6:38 PM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


Huh. Where I come from, White Castles are located in nice and nasty neighborhoods alike--then again, I come from a town where it is considered a magnificent tradition to eat dog food on noodles topped with a whole wig's worth of cheese, so White Castle is kind of an improvement, considering.
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 7:40 PM on February 14, 2008


Don't talk smack about Skyline.
posted by turaho at 7:01 AM on February 15, 2008


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