The fierce urgency of cashing out now.

February 25, 2008 6:42 PM

Payback is a b*tch. Former presidential scandal Gennifer Flowers is putting the tapes of her recorded conversations with Bill Clinton -- which she was previously offered $5 million for -- up on the auction block.

Asked about the timing of her announcement, she said “I don’t need to hurt Hillary. She is doing a fine job of that herself, along with her idiot husband. Karma is an interesting thing. If these two don’t get elected, and they are a team, it will be karma coming back to visit them. It's about time."

posted by markkraft (65 comments total)

The ultimate bimbo eruption. Well played, Ms. Flowers, well played.
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:48 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Timing is everything, huh?
posted by Miko at 6:49 PM on February 25, 2008

Oh, this will go well.
posted by kbanas at 6:50 PM on February 25, 2008

How about that Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles? I thought it was going to be really bad, but I find myself compelled to watch it week after week.
posted by kbanas at 6:50 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites]

So, if you had five million dollars...

Daydream Nation cover art or Flowers tapes?!

Which would you choose?! Which would make the better longterm investment?
posted by markkraft at 6:58 PM on February 25, 2008

Clearly, it is time for the Clinton camp to start a whisper campaign that Obama has a black child.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:02 PM on February 25, 2008 [29 favorites]

Which would you choose?!

How about the Gennifer Flowers tapes, pressed onto colored vinyl (say, hot pink?) and wrapped in the original Richter painting as the jacket?

The record would include one bonus track as well: Hillary Clinton singing "Stand By Your Man".
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:05 PM on February 25, 2008

Payback is a b*tch.

I don't think it's accurate to imply that Flowers is butch. Or did you mean botch?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:08 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites]

So Wonkette says there are actual orgasm$ on tape?
posted by R. Mutt at 7:08 PM on February 25, 2008

"Previously offered five million"??? Bad timing is a bitch.
posted by wrapper at 7:09 PM on February 25, 2008

I guess she's given up on $5 million, then.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:13 PM on February 25, 2008

I love how she's clearly moved past all of this and has decided to raise the money for herself after all she's been through. Her maturity, character and selfless action shows real growth and promise during such a critical time in American politics. I am reminded of the hope I felt back in the 90s, when it seemed we didn't have a care in the world beyond a blue stained dress. Oh how she must miss those days.
posted by iamkimiam at 7:14 PM on February 25, 2008

So Wonkette says there are actual orgasm$ on tape?

"Oh My God!"
posted by cashman at 7:18 PM on February 25, 2008

The Clintons can rest easily. Nobody has cassette players anymore.
posted by Frank Grimes at 7:21 PM on February 25, 2008 [6 favorites]

A 300 word blog item and a Wikipedia link? Really?
posted by LarryC at 7:29 PM on February 25, 2008

Wait, whats a b*tch? Are we not grown up enough to say "batch" in a room full of adults?
posted by Avenger at 7:34 PM on February 25, 2008

BTW, who records phone sex ... unless ... oh, jesus.
posted by R. Mutt at 7:36 PM on February 25, 2008

Honestly, I don't really see how this can have any effect on Hillary's campaign other than earning her sympathy.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 7:51 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

according to wikipedia, her current husband is Finis D. Shelnutt??? what's up with that?
posted by brandz at 7:56 PM on February 25, 2008

"[...]karma coming back to visit them"
I wish she knew what Karma meant :(
posted by pantsrobot at 8:04 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites]

Gennifer Flowers, to whom I bear no ill-will and for whom I have long sympathized, has a typically Western, which is to say idiotic, idea of karma.
But who cares about the tapes now? I said at the time that Bill could rape an impoverished adolescent in daylight at Dupont Circle and most people would applaud him. Now his infidelities barely register a meh.
What arouses my more lubricious interests are the Huma Abedin/Hillary Rodham innuendos of an intra-religious romance.
posted by dawson at 8:07 PM on February 25, 2008

Press release and wikipedia entry? You still haven't figured out how to make a good FPP, have you?

Oh, wait. What Larry said.
posted by klangklangston at 8:08 PM on February 25, 2008

ah, pantsrobot, if only I8217;d used preview...
posted by dawson at 8:09 PM on February 25, 2008

Oh, I hope the media doesn't do the same to Barry that's it's done to Billary all these long years. But then, Barry's not a woman.
posted by cytherea at 8:10 PM on February 25, 2008

I'd, not I9217;d, that was a troublesome greasemonkry script, now disabled. Carry on.
posted by dawson at 8:21 PM on February 25, 2008

Can we really trust someone who can't spell her own first name?
posted by 45moore45 at 8:22 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites]

this is really a great day for american politics, isn't it?
posted by pyramid termite at 8:25 PM on February 25, 2008

Finis Shelnutt- now there's a catch!
posted by maryh at 8:26 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites]

Honestly, I don't really see how this can have any effect on Hillary's campaign other than earning her sympathy.

During the '92 campaign, Hillary went on television with her husband and told the world that she knew Bill didn't have an affair with Ms. Flowers. If she was lying, it would be the first in a long line of actions demonstrating that Hillary will do or say anything, pride and truth be damned, to win office.

Of course, she was lying.
posted by iconjack at 8:46 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

She should've taken the previous $5 million
posted by yonyonson at 8:48 PM on February 25, 2008

Avenger,

Even most of the adults on Metafilter don't remember batch jobs.
posted by lukemeister at 8:51 PM on February 25, 2008

Only a few thousand words of what's on those tapes were ever released to the public, apparently.

Here is the ugliest bit of what's out there :

CLINTON. I'll tell you what, it would be extremely valuable if they ever do run anybody by me, you know. If they ever get anybody to do this, just to have, like I told you before when I called you, is to have an on-file affidavit explaining that, you know, you were approached by a Republican and asked to do that.

FLOWERS. Mm hmm. Well....

Lying, adulterous politician asks for a "get out of jail free" card.

Tape-recording, money-grubbing mistress politely demurs...
posted by markkraft at 8:57 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Honestly, I don't really see how this can have any effect on Hillary's campaign other than earning her sympathy."

She also accused Flowers of falsifying evidence by doctoring the tapes in question, apparently.
posted by markkraft at 8:58 PM on February 25, 2008

Even most of the adults on Metafilter don't remember batch jobs.

we do, but our doctors told us that there's no way we should be taking that much viagra
posted by pyramid termite at 9:00 PM on February 25, 2008

I predict that not a single conservative pundit will question the timing or motivations of Flowers.
posted by oddman at 9:25 PM on February 25, 2008

At least she didn't use steroids.
[confused by asterisk]
posted by not_on_display at 9:38 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

This will be the second crucial interjection of flowers into a presidential campaign.

I suspect Obama is behind them both. Why else would he wear a turban if not to cover his headset on which he receives instructions from Raoul Castro's #1 man in Kenya who just happens to be his AFRICAN father's brother, the one who lent money to a young bin Laden before fleeing to the USA in an aborted (pro-abortion runs deep) plot to crash a biplane into the Tacoma Narrows Bridge the footage of which was doctored by the CIA to make it seem like engineering failure and you know who else is a civil Engineer? That's right, Obama bin Laden.
posted by Rumple at 10:03 PM on February 25, 2008 [5 favorites]

Tape-recording, money-grubbing mistress politely demurs...

I got my own blog! You can get your own blog, too! Let's go get blogs!
posted by I Got My Own Blog at 10:04 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Finis Shelnutt- now there's a catch!

Oh. My. God. That link is...fuck, it's...shit, just read this:

New Orleans - Finis Shellnut is wealthy and he isn't hiding it, even in the difficult times following the Katrina disaster. The 53-year-old real estate magnate sits in front of one of his buildings in the French Quarter, enjoying a chilled bottle of French champagne.

The man is a walking glitz machine, from the diamonds on his Rolex to his gold-framed glasses to the silver cross dangling on his chest under his half-open shirt. Shellnut is doing well these days, extremely well. He senses a lot of post-Katrina business coming his way. "Our party's about to get going again," he says. He sits next to a flyer depicting his face and advertising his phone number. "The storm destroyed a great deal," he says, adding, with a smile, "and there's plenty of space to build houses and sell them for a lot of money."

Shellnut wasn't particularly hard-hit by the storm and the flooding in New Orleans...Despite all the chaos and destruction, the storm and the floods came with a silver lining for people like Shellnut. "Most importantly, the hurricane drove poor people and criminals out of the city," he says, "and we hope they don't come back."
posted by mediareport at 10:07 PM on February 25, 2008

I think Finis D. Shelnutt has offered me great deals on C1AL1$ and V1AGR4 before. Him and Obvious D. Parallelogram. Is he some sort of Internet entrepreneur?
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:10 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites]

The word, folks, is "betch", Seriously. Let me borrow that top!. Payback isn't a betch, anyway. It's a deck.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:17 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

You're workin' too hard, Rumple. Whatcha do is call a guy The Antichrist and then sit back while the crazy takes care of itself.
posted by maryh at 10:22 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh right. Well, I have heard on good authority that "Barack" is foreign for "antichrist", now that you mention it.

yikes is that nutcase blog for real?
posted by Rumple at 10:27 PM on February 25, 2008

maryh, wow. Somehow, the comments are worse than that disgusting post.
posted by KingoftheWhales at 10:43 PM on February 25, 2008

Maybe if Hillary & Bill hit a few campaign fundraisers, they could raise the money to repay their $5 million loan to her campaign. And once they had the spare money, they'd have just enough to buy the Flowers tape!

(Or the Sonic Youth cover art. Either one would be cool, really.)
posted by markkraft at 10:58 PM on February 25, 2008

Barack Obama should buy the tapes (at a serious discount, of course) and burn them in public,
then make a speech about how we're sick of this shit and good and ready to put this whole "politics of personal destruction" crap behind us.

(I miss The West Wing...)
posted by mer2113 at 1:10 AM on February 26, 2008 [2 favorites]

Barack Obama should buy the tapes (at a serious discount, of course) and burn them in public, then make a speech about how we're sick of this shit and good and ready to put this whole "politics of personal destruction" crap behind us.

I've never seen The West Wing, so I don't get the reference, but I would so love to see that happen.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:41 AM on February 26, 2008

"Barack Obama should buy the tapes (at a serious discount, of course) and burn them in public..."

He certainly has the money to do so.

Republican political strategist Patrick Ruffini estimated him as being on track for making $60M in February, and frankly, his figures are old.

The Obama campaign has an end-of-the-month drive for 1 Million donors, and only has about 13K left to go, after about an 18K day today. I suspect they'll get about 25K new donors by the end of the month, which, when added to their current figures since the beginning of the year, would equal 810K new donors since January, minus the 256K donors Ruffini mentioned in January, which means 554K new donors in February.

Multiply that by an average of $140 as Ruffini does, and you get $77.5 million for February, over twice what the Obama campaign brought in during January. Who knows how much bigger Obama's list of donors might get, especially if his campaign rolls up Clinton's contributors and fundraisers. It's experiencing viral growth, and has been doubling in size every 15 days.

Ruffini, a Republican, is scared of the possibility of McCain being outspent 3-1, and Obama actively campaigning in 25 states rather than McCain’s 15-20.

"Right now, it is not the case anywhere in the Republican Party that upper campaign leadership is concerned about this as an overriding strategic and existential challenge for the party. They should be."

Frankly, if I were him, I would be more concerned that Obama's snowballing growth of contributors just cannot be caught up to by McCain, who lacks grassroots and is far, far behind on the growth path. McCain could find himself tied up doing big money fundraisers just to stay marginally competitive, while Obama speaks to tens of thousands of voters.

The real nightmare for Republicans is, what happens if Barack Obama outspends them by *more* than a 3-1 margin, with national advertising and a fully funded grassroots campaign in all fifty states?
posted by markkraft at 2:36 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

The real nightmare for Republicans is, what happens if Barack Obama outspends them by *more* than a 3-1 margin, with national advertising and a fully funded grassroots campaign in all fifty states?

And the real nightmare for Democrats is, what happens if Barack Obama outspends McCain by *more* than 3-1, has national advertising and a fully-funded grassroots campaign in all fifty states, and still loses? Because frankly, if that happens, you might as well close up shop. If Barack can't beat a crotchity sell-out like McCain by outspending, out-grassrooting, out-speechifying, or out-anti-Republicaning, this country is officially over.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:53 AM on February 26, 2008 [3 favorites]

Anyone read the caption of the photograph in the first link? I didn't know until this very moment that there was such a thing as an infomercial awards dinner. Stay classy, Gennifer Flowers.
posted by Tullius at 5:54 AM on February 26, 2008

Gennifer Flowers is a liar. How do I know?

The first time he [climaxed during oral sex], I was taken aback. I was saving that for my husband...

A woman who plans oral sex after marriage? (amirite)
posted by DU at 6:00 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Does the auction include a sizable amount of "give a shit"?
posted by Legomancer at 6:04 AM on February 26, 2008

I think this mostly has to do with her fear that the page of history is turning on the Clinton's. This may be the end of the line and in a couple weeks no one will care. She probably expected Hillary to make it to the general, and dump this on her then.
posted by delmoi at 6:23 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Can we round-up everyone who was even peripherally involved in presidential politics over the past 30-35 years, kneecap them, shove them into a deep, deep pit and then just bury them alive?

Pleeeeease????
posted by Thorzdad at 6:51 AM on February 26, 2008

The first time he [climaxed during oral sex], I was taken aback. I was saving that for my husband...

WTF? She had no problem with the action, but only with the end game?
posted by fusinski at 6:52 AM on February 26, 2008

Can't help but wonder what she thought was going to happen.
posted by Miko at 6:58 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Maybe if Hillary & Bill hit a few campaign fundraisers, they could raise the money to repay their $5 million loan to her campaign. And once they had the spare money, they'd have just enough to buy the Flowers tape!

(Or the Sonic Youth cover art. Either one would be cool, really.)

If I were some crazy-ass rich dude, I'd spend $10 million to buy both the Sonic Youth cover art and the Gennifer Flowers tapes. Then I'd hire Dangermouse to make me some Sonic Youth/Gennifer Flowers mash-ups. Now, that's being a crazy-ass rich dude.
posted by jonp72 at 7:02 AM on February 26, 2008 [3 favorites]

Can't help but wonder what she thought was going to happen.

The rumors of semen's existence have been largely exaggerated, perhaps.
posted by fusinski at 7:05 AM on February 26, 2008

The first time he [climaxed during oral sex], I was taken aback. I was saving that for my husband...

What about the next 2000 times?
posted by sfts2 at 8:59 AM on February 26, 2008

I guess she's given up on $5 million, then.

Yeah -- she picked the wrong brief case and refused all offers from "The Banker." Howie Mandel let out more than one snort at her loss.
posted by ericb at 9:19 AM on February 26, 2008

The actual links are lame lame lame, the text of the post, essentially calling Flowers a bitch, is disgusting, and the comments run the gamut of the usual creepy Fark.com shit.

Particularly annoying, though, is the notion that this is some grossly unfair move on Flowers' part, as if the Clintons deserve not to have their detritus thrown back in their faces. If and when this does hurt the Clintons, the wound will be self-inflicted. Take the money and run, Gennifer.
posted by 1 at 9:26 AM on February 26, 2008

"Can't help but wonder what she thought was going to happen."

He had clearly told her that rainbows and Jolly Ranchers would shoot out of his dick. "I don't ejaculate, baby. I'm a Rhodes Scholar."
posted by klangklangston at 9:27 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Can't help but wonder what she thought was going to happen."

Or he probably told her that he'd let her know and pull out before he came, and then did it anyway. Ha ha ha ha that's so funny.
posted by 1 at 9:30 AM on February 26, 2008

Ah, yet another distraction from the disaster that is Dubya.

Does anyone really care? Honestly? I'd be far more concerned about Clinton's involvement in Kosovo than his involvement in extramarital affairs. We elect them to do their jobs - Clinton's sin wasn't that he had extramarital affairs, but that he lied about it under oath. He violated a tenet that, as President, he was sworn to uphold.

Bush Junior has managed to destroy two nations while threatening action against at least two others, escalate tensions across the globe, cause major economic distress (both at home and abroad), and debase the very Constitution and Bill of Rights. He's shredded the very idea of democratic government, demonstrating that as long as you're rich and you know the right people, you're not subject to the same rule of law as the rest of us common folk. He and his cronies have brought back class warfare with a veangence.

At this point, I'd be happy as hell if he was just banging someone other than his wife.
posted by FormlessOne at 10:55 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

She’s married to “Finis D. Shelnutt”?
...Seriously, Lemony Snicket made that guy up, right?
posted by Smedleyman at 5:33 PM on February 26, 2008 [2 favorites]