We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter, then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger.

March 4, 2008 4:32 PM

Donut burgers are for commies. Time to kick it up a notch.
posted by Blazecock Pileon (58 comments total)

So the Good Morning Burger is secretly also the Doughnut Burger, also known as the Lady's Brunch Burger?

I am confused. Also, strangely, craving a piece of raw broccoli.
posted by pineapple at 4:38 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, god, yes.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 4:43 PM on March 4, 2008

I'll take mine with turducken.
posted by brain_drain at 4:44 PM on March 4, 2008

I'm having chest pains just looking at that.
posted by 40 Watt at 4:50 PM on March 4, 2008

I think you should have also included the 'bacon' tag. There can never be enough posts somehow involving bacon.
posted by ninjew at 4:52 PM on March 4, 2008

If they made bacon aftershave I'd wear it every single day until I died.
posted by Dizzy at 4:57 PM on March 4, 2008

If they made bacon aftershave I'd wear it every single day until I died.

Or twice, whichever came first.
posted by mosk at 5:03 PM on March 4, 2008 [4 favorites]

Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.
posted by evening at 5:06 PM on March 4, 2008

Make the beef some kind of breakfast sausage and you'll have my heart.

But it might not work for long.
posted by Mister Cheese at 5:11 PM on March 4, 2008 [3 favorites]

Ireland way ahead of you with the Jumbo Breakfast Roll.
posted by Abiezer at 5:12 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Where the hell am I going to get a big enough hamburger patty?
posted by cortex at 5:14 PM on March 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

My roommate and I love Paula Deen. Why? She just doesn't give a damn. I'm waiting for the day that she brings out her ultimate recipe and introduces it just by saying, "I'm Paula Deen, and I don't give a damn."

My guess is that it will be come kind of deep-fried, bacon encrusted bacon desert. With a mayo-based icing.
posted by piratebowling at 5:16 PM on March 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

Can I use jelly donuts instead? How about hash browns? Can I put hash browns in there? I think I'm going to put some in there. Please? And maybe a half dozen Kraft singles?
posted by Sys Rq at 5:19 PM on March 4, 2008

Mister Cheese: Just what I was thinking. Instead of ground beef, make it a nice large patty of Bob Evans spicy sausage.

(I so miss Bob Evans since moving to Seattle...)
posted by evilangela at 5:19 PM on March 4, 2008

I meant to write "bacon encrusted chocolate dessert" but "bacon encrusted bacon desert" sounds both terrifying and delicious, so maybe it is more Deen-like in spirit.
posted by piratebowling at 5:21 PM on March 4, 2008

piratebowling: We should start a betting pool. I call a butter and bacon drippings smoothie, with a scoop of brownie icecream floating in it and a huge dollop of whipped cream.
posted by CKmtl at 5:24 PM on March 4, 2008

Oh, and for extra lulz, read the review section for the recipe. It's like a civil war in there.
posted by piratebowling at 5:26 PM on March 4, 2008

Stop!
Please!
I'm bloating up just reading this.


(er,--- what are you wearing?)
posted by Dizzy at 5:27 PM on March 4, 2008

I'm moving to Donutburg right now.
posted by aubilenon at 5:35 PM on March 4, 2008

"...it will be come kind of deep-fried, bacon encrusted bacon desert..."

Your drooling got in the way of your typing, didn't it?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:39 PM on March 4, 2008

"I'm moving to Donutburg right now."

Population 0
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:39 PM on March 4, 2008 [3 favorites]

Bend over Abigail May, here comes the gravy pipe!
posted by porn in the woods at 5:41 PM on March 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

Her cooking's like the food version of the American economy.

(Exactly how is left as an exercise for the reader).

There's a brilliant comment somewhere suggesting that she co-host a show with Anthony Bourdain. I'd watch that. Meat cleavers would play an important part in the last 10 minutes I think.
posted by unSane at 5:42 PM on March 4, 2008

Holy shit.

Now I want a burger. But the closest fast food joint is two whole blocks away...
posted by gauchodaspampas at 5:43 PM on March 4, 2008

I like dill pickles and I like Frosted Flakes. But I've never felt the urge to combine the two. This burger is an abomination and Paula Deen should be flogged in public for suggesting such a thing.

"Ouch, y'all!"
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:50 PM on March 4, 2008

Mix ingredients together and store in an airtight container for up to 6 months.

6 months?

I've had versions of this around the country (including the Emmy-Bull burger at Dan's Place II in albany, ny) but never with a donut.
posted by about_time at 5:56 PM on March 4, 2008

Actually, that needs to be a lamb burger.

From Brouwers.

With a side of chipotle mayo dipping sauce.
posted by mrzarquon at 5:59 PM on March 4, 2008

I'm pretty confident Paula Dean doesn't eat too much of the food she cooks, or at least not the type of food she's known for.
posted by puke & cry at 6:23 PM on March 4, 2008

6 months?

That's for the salt-pepper-garlic powder mix, not the rest of it.

Jaysus, that'd be an AskMe question.
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 6:24 PM on March 4, 2008

Taco Town!!!!
posted by zerobyproxy at 6:30 PM on March 4, 2008

I knew this was going to be a Paula Deen monstrosity before even clicking the link. This scares me.
posted by casarkos at 6:51 PM on March 4, 2008

some kind of breakfast sausage
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:07 PM on March 4, 2008

Oh my God, YUM.
I love you, Paula Deen.
posted by naoko at 7:26 PM on March 4, 2008

My guess is that it will be come kind of deep-fried, bacon encrusted bacon desert. With a mayo-based icing.

No, but I'm sure it comes with these on the side.
posted by dersins at 7:28 PM on March 4, 2008

From piratebowling's suggestion:

Don't tell me that you have never on occasion had a couple of donuts for breakfast and then later in the day enjoyed burger for lunch?

Ummmmm... no, sorry love. Donuts for breakfast? WTF? I'm totally joining the LOLFATTIES team now.
posted by pompomtom at 7:33 PM on March 4, 2008

This literally made me nauseous. Fucking Elvis wouldn't even eat that unholy monstrosity. It's sitting in a pile of its own sickly congealing goo, for Christ's sake. What is with this extreme food trend? Aren't we enough of a nation of jiggling fat fucks already?
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:52 PM on March 4, 2008

...bacon encrusted bacon desert. With a mayo-based icing. --piratebowling

Nah. Nothing but straight gravy for me.
posted by Bugg at 8:06 PM on March 4, 2008

.... and an after-dinner mint.
posted by not_on_display at 8:17 PM on March 4, 2008

I'm one for the Alton Brown theory of the hamburger. 10 oz patty, grilled medium rare w/ a little bit of crispy. Fresh lettuce, fresh tomato (Both in season), a medium-thin smear of mayo and a grind of pepper on a toasted bun.

I think this Paula Deen is doing some very bad things to food.
posted by Sam.Burdick at 8:50 PM on March 4, 2008

stickycarpet: that link really needs a warning of some kind.
posted by ninjew at 9:20 PM on March 4, 2008

StickyCarpet - no fair.

It could be very high quality dead animal going into the blender. The blender just fscks it right up good.

I'm sure you're a fine person, but after going through a blender, I wonder what you'd look like.
posted by porpoise at 10:03 PM on March 4, 2008

Did you notice the Lane Bryant ad on the first site? Great way to remind me... DO NOT WANT!!! (well, actually Do want...but DO NOT!)
posted by The Light Fantastic at 10:22 PM on March 4, 2008

Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter!
posted by evilcolonel at 10:50 PM on March 4, 2008

Real alternate name for this delicious treat: The Assinator.
posted by sparkletone at 12:11 AM on March 5, 2008

There aren't enough bong hits in the world to make me want to eat that thing.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:05 AM on March 5, 2008 [2 favorites]

Needs deep fryiing
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:51 AM on March 5, 2008

as an aside. Isn't the correct colloquialism to "cock it up a notch" rather than to "kick it up a notch". refering to cocking a tensioned device on 'notches'
posted by mary8nne at 6:42 AM on March 5, 2008

(Exactly how is left as an exercise for the reader)

That word really doesn't belong anywhere NEAR this thread.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 8:14 AM on March 5, 2008

Hey, congrats to all of you on being so healthy and skinny and whatever, but come on, eating one of these things (or even eating one every couple months) is not going to magically turn you into a blimp. I don't think that even butter-obsessed Paula is advocating that you eat one of these things every day. Relax.
posted by naoko at 9:20 AM on March 5, 2008

Dear AskMe,

I have a very bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. But I really think them donut bacon cheeseburgers dunked in whale blubber batter and deep fried to a crisp in pork fat look really, really yummy. Should I throw caution to the wind and eat them anyway?

Posted by anonymous
posted by matteo at 9:29 AM on March 5, 2008

Was this just an attempt to lure jonmc back?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:32 AM on March 5, 2008

Was this just an attempt to lure jonmc back?

My next post will be about Budweiser and classic rock. Make whatever assumptions you will.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:30 AM on March 5, 2008

post a fpp saying that Joey Ramone was an undercover CIA agent, jon will be back
posted by matteo at 10:44 AM on March 5, 2008

Dear rest of the world:

Hello, we're America, we submit to you this donut burger. Yes, this is meant for one person. For one meal. Yes, all at once.

We find this delicious, and as you may have noticed, many of us are already figuring out ways to make it less healthy. These are the things we craft for our own bodies, this is what we do to ourselves, and we enjoy it. If our loved ones made this for us, we would see it as a grand gesture of affection. On holidays we shower each other with foods and candies that your culture would find horrifying. We set up franchises within walking distance of one another to dispense this sort of product to ourselves, products some of you would consider weapons, products if fed to your children you would consider human rights violations. We pay for the privilige. These things are our reward, our measure of enjoyment.

We're sorry about all the bombs and guns and stuff. This is the only way we know how to show love.

Love,
America.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 11:41 AM on March 5, 2008

DecemberBoy said: "This literally made me nauseous. Fucking Elvis wouldn't even eat that unholy monstrosity."

Surely you don't mean Elvis Presley. Whose favorite sandwich was the equally unholy Fool's Gold Loaf?

Not only would Elvis have eaten the Donut Burger, he's probably in the midst of zombie reanimation right now in order to come out of the cold Graceland ground, steal a car, and drive the ~110 miles to Savannah to show up on Paula Deen's door and demand a hunka-hunka Donut Burger.

not_on_display said: ".... and an after-dinner mint."

Which, naturally, is wafer-thin?
posted by pineapple at 12:40 PM on March 5, 2008

Reference for the title of the post. Scroll down to the recipes or search for "creamy".
posted by assoctw at 2:20 PM on March 5, 2008

arguments about health values aside. the reason I mention AB's burger is that with all that fat (and sugar) piled on that poor excuse for a sandwich you're violating one of the basic tenants of burger consumption... namely:

You should be eating a burger for the enjoyment of the taste of beef, and the condiments you choose should reflect that fact AND enhance the flavor of the beef patty.

What most americans call a burger, nowadays, does not fall under this measure (and neither does the fpp monstrosity) because the taste buds are overwhelmed by the presence of fats in the sandwich.

Remember folks, corn fed beef has more fat in it. And while fats aren't completely bad for you when taken in reasonable portions (and not every meal). What fats do is take all the enjoyment out of mildly flavored foods and the experience of nuanced flavors.

So, put down that glazed doughnut. Don't braise your burger in cream. Leave off all but a slight hint of bacon and save the eggs for breakfast. Enjoy your burger as the cow intended. Clean, lightly peppered and on a toasted bun. AND preferably cooked over a charcoal fire.
posted by Sam.Burdick at 9:22 PM on March 5, 2008

ugh. that doesn't even sound appetizing.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 1:45 PM on March 20, 2008