They're all beautiful inside. Maybe.

May 17, 2008 7:03 PM

It's that time of year again, folks... don't forget to put in your vote for the World's Ugliest Dog.

With Sam out of the picture, looks like it's Pee Wee Martini's race to lose. And as always, the frontrunners all eerily resemble Chinese Cresteds who lost "me" to meth. (Doubt me?   BEFORE | AFTER   It's a helluvu drug!)

posted by miss lynnster (22 comments total)

The Chinese Cresteds need to have their own category to compete in so the ugliness of other breeds can be recognized.
posted by stavrogin at 7:07 PM on May 17, 2008 [2 favorites]

Is this something I would have to not be a cat person to understand?
posted by DU at 7:09 PM on May 17, 2008

What's with the lolling of the tongue in the Chinese Crested? I don't think I've seen it so often in any other breed. It certainly gives a solid advantage in this kind of race.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 7:11 PM on May 17, 2008

My son's analysis: BAH! what the hell is that? ("World's UgliestDog contest.") Oh! Ugly, ugly, scary, scary, not-so-ugly, scary, scary, ugly...
posted by not_on_display at 7:21 PM on May 17, 2008

The Chinese Cresteds need to have their own category...

I dunno, the Chinese Crested, they have a hyper-stylish ugliness that's half elegant, IMO. They remind me of certain ways that fashion models are styled these days: a kind of... repellant elegance. A calculated ugliness.

Now, Squiggy of Exeter, RI, on the other hand... now he's just 100% plain UUUHH-gly!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:23 PM on May 17, 2008

I personally favor Gus. Yes, the Chinese Cresteds are a hideous bunch, no doubt about it, but Gus has a smooth, alien finish, like someone decided their pet taxidermy product needed a coat of polyurethane, then applied such, after several beers.
posted by adipocere at 7:32 PM on May 17, 2008

What's with the lolling of the tongue in the Chinese Crested? I don't think I've seen it so often in any other breed. It certainly gives a solid advantage in this kind of race.

When ye ain't got no chompers, where else's yer tongue gonna go, bub?
posted by katillathehun at 7:52 PM on May 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Without Sam... there's just no point. None of these dogs could carry his metaphorical jockstrap of ugly.

Sam is the only dog that has made my sphincter twitch in fear - at least, among those not capable of actually tearing out my throat and consuming my innards, like the pair of Chows that greeted me back in my pizza delivery days.

Does it make sense that I both miss Sam and thank whatever deity is handy that I no longer have to share a world with that hellspawn?
posted by John Smallberries at 7:53 PM on May 17, 2008

looks like it's Pee Wee Martini's race to lose

i agree - damn is that dog ugly
posted by pyramid termite at 8:00 PM on May 17, 2008

When will they learn not to feed those things after midnight?
posted by arto at 8:12 PM on May 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Squiggy's no uglier than your average Rhode Islander.
posted by knave at 8:16 PM on May 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

Squiggy looks like the Godfather of dogs. The dogfather. He cannot refuse a request on the day of his owner's wedding.
posted by Dreamcast at 8:43 PM on May 17, 2008

Pee Wee Martini may be one ugly looking mutant creature, but it seems he gets far more love than most non-mutant creatures, human or otherwise.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:57 PM on May 17, 2008

I seem to recall seeing something about this on the local news last summer... was Sam or a similar dog from Rhode Island?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:15 PM on May 17, 2008

This is fine, but when do we get to vote for World's Stabbiest Proctologist?
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:09 AM on May 18, 2008

I just can't choose. However, if Sam were still with us, he'd still cream everyone else by a frightful mile. None of those other dogs make me worry that I'll wake up in the night to find them eating my face.
posted by orange swan at 6:28 AM on May 18, 2008

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
posted by ericbop at 6:51 AM on May 18, 2008

Pee Wee Martini looks... malformed. As if a tiny bit of the underlying entropy which is slowly destroying the universe as we know it bubbled forth and cast its terrible shadow upon us via a creature of its own design.
posted by sonic meat machine at 3:24 PM on May 18, 2008

As a dog person, I'm worried these Chinese Crested are toothless from bad breeding and bad feeding back at the ol' Daisy Hill Puppy Mill.

Your local humane association probably has a roomful of toothless, rickety small-breed pups. They're call evidence in cruelty cases and it upsets me too enjoy the joke. Although it's nice these guys have homes and good-natured people who love them.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 5:48 PM on May 18, 2008

OMG ZOMBIE DOGS
posted by Pronoiac at 5:58 PM on May 18, 2008

Sam's not so much as ugly; he is terrifying in a post-apocalyptic mutant dog kind of way.
posted by ornate insect at 8:31 PM on May 18, 2008

I think the pethumiliation tag is necessary.
posted by grouse at 11:57 PM on May 18, 2008