sudo apt-get install creepyrobotgirlfriend2.0

May 27, 2008 9:40 PM

The uncanny valley just got deeper. "Treat yourself to the perfect woman."
posted by loquacious (100 comments total)

Gah. No.

I mean, obviously no for me. But even beyond that... hell no.

I'm hoping this is a joke.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:45 PM on May 27

What do I do with it?
posted by furtive at 9:45 PM on May 27

What movie or television show is this website promoting?
posted by infinitywaltz at 9:47 PM on May 27 [4 favorites]

I call bullshit.
posted by bigmusic at 9:48 PM on May 27 [2 favorites]

It -is- a joke, or performance art. It feels a little played out, actually: movies and fiction on this subject regularly address the equation of objectified servant and femininity.
posted by anotherpanacea at 9:49 PM on May 27

Please be viral. Too much of it is just too creepily acted but "totally not acted." This has to be fake.

Otherwise I feel the tears well up for all of goddamned humanity
posted by piratebowling at 9:50 PM on May 27

Coin-Operated Boy
posted by hippugeek at 9:52 PM on May 27 [3 favorites]

This has got to be satire, I know that "robot!"

(er... in my dreams)
posted by porpoise at 9:53 PM on May 27

Oh man, also, this all fits in so well with Bitch magazine's article about the portrayal and concept of the female robot. (I wish I could find a link to the article).
posted by piratebowling at 9:53 PM on May 27

Does it come in a model that isn't so damn inbred looking? Also, is the conscience nulling an upgrade or a standard feature? I can't have all my baser manly desires for sex and domination sated while all the while the deeper nagging knowledge that it is a simulcrum for actual contact.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:54 PM on May 27

It's very well done, but no one actually believes that's a robot, right?
posted by GeekAnimator at 9:58 PM on May 27

Does her daddy own a liquor store?

I'll show myself out.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:58 PM on May 27 [4 favorites]

no black perfect women? hmmph
posted by pyramid termite at 9:59 PM on May 27 [7 favorites]

My creepometer just pegged.
posted by pjern at 9:59 PM on May 27

Yes, it's fake. I'm going to really pull out the stops here and point out that it is, in fact, fakey fakey McFakerson. But kudos to robot lady—hers is the least bad acting in the spots.
posted by cortex at 10:01 PM on May 27 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I think I might have been bit by some kind of virus. I thought it was a partially legit (if possibly... unusual) company until I got to the testimonial video in which he said his robot made him dinner. Wait, what?

Though, there are already similar products. RealDoll, for starters. I'm just not sure any more. There are some pretty realistic facial robots but this probably isn't it.

How long until people have robots that have sex for them, so they can watch lazily from the couch? Just think of the market in a few years or so for online casual dating services... for robots. BRB. I'm going to register some domains.

TRANSGURLBOT SEEKS CURIOUS STRAIGHT BOI BOT OR BI-MODE GIRLBOT FOR HOT AFTERNOON ENCOUNTERS AND APPLICATION OF LIGHT GRADE SILICON OIL TO SERVO GEARS
posted by loquacious at 10:03 PM on May 27

Don't you people know that if this technology was already perfected these robots would've already hacked you to bits by now?
posted by Burhanistan at 10:06 PM on May 27 [1 favorite]

"Replicants are like any other machine - they're either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit, it's not my problem."
posted by moonbiter at 10:11 PM on May 27 [4 favorites]

This has to be a viral ad. It just has that look.

Unlike my perfect dog. He may sound like bees and look like mimes, but he's 100% real and DARPA approved. Let's see your dog waste this many tax dollars!
posted by maryh at 10:13 PM on May 27 [1 favorite]

shenanigans.
posted by Dave Faris at 10:13 PM on May 27 [1 favorite]

I, too, suspect that there's something fishy about this.
posted by gsteff at 10:17 PM on May 27

My Fantastic Plastic Girl
posted by Caduceus at 10:18 PM on May 27

You know what really took it from "This is fake, right?" to "Oh yeah, this is fake"? The weird blurred-out "testimonial" video. If you were seriously trying to normalize a product like this in the public view, you sure as hell wouldn't do it with customer testimonials that sound like parole hearings.
posted by roll truck roll at 10:21 PM on May 27

Expert predicts sex with robots by 2050. (dead link)

Real Dolls and the men who love them.

Milky Lovers is a love doll brothel

men who have sex with dolls.
posted by dgaicun at 10:28 PM on May 27

Looks mostly harmless to me.

Some kind of hobby, perhaps?
posted by sambosambo at 10:29 PM on May 27

Yes, this is fake.

But one day it won't be.
posted by Avenger at 10:29 PM on May 27 [2 favorites]

Every once in a while I find myself wanting to jump up on a table and just kind of like scream, as in the case of, say, this, where what I would be screaming is OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, IT'S FAKE ON A STICK! IT IS TEN TONS OF INDUSTRIAL GRADE FAKE! IT IS SITTING ON A PEDESTAL LABELED "A VERY FAKE THING" IN THE CENTER OF THE MAIN CHAMBER OF THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF FAKE! THERE IS NO LITTLE DETAIL YOU NEED TO PICK UP TO GIVE AWAY THE FAKENESS—IT IS A SHRIEKINGLY IMPLAUSIBLE ADVERTISEMENT FOR A TOTALLY SCI-FI BIT OF TECHNOLOGY THAT TWO SECONDS OF CRITICAL THINKING SHOULD REMIND YOU WOULD BE ALL OVER THE NEWS IF IT WERE ANYTHING APPROACHING REAL, but usually when that happens I just try to take a deep breath and move on because it's admittedly kind of obnoxious.
posted by cortex at 10:29 PM on May 27 [36 favorites]

This is clearly just viral advertising for cstross's new Saturn's Children.

Except the robo-chicks are more convincing than his US cover.

Sigh. I'd really rather get the UK edition, but instead I'll get the US and throw the dust wrapper away.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:30 PM on May 27

Just once I wish they'd make a hot guy.
posted by tumbleweedjack at 10:30 PM on May 27

Femputer for snu-snu.
posted by Tube at 10:30 PM on May 27 [5 favorites]

Ya know, it is the year 2008 and I was promised robots by now. And I drive a MINIVAN, where is my frickin' hovercraft and my vacations on Jupiter, huh? Isn't it the future?
posted by Miastar at 10:34 PM on May 27

Seriously? A 3-year-old could tell this is a goof. Maybe it's the thousand-yard "I'm a robot... No, really!" stare. Or the fact that in the demonstration video, she's doing The Robot.

Also: A real robot would be much, much hotter.
posted by turducken at 10:35 PM on May 27

Tell me I'm not the only one who sees the irony in this.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:40 PM on May 27

Your plastic pal that's fun to be with!
posted by aubilenon at 10:42 PM on May 27 [7 favorites]

You know, this brings something to mind . . .

I'm one of those people who actively attempts to avoid curmudgeonhood. I've always been very worried about becoming like my grandmother, who was literally terrified of computers.

So let's say, for the sake of argument, that we do get robots out the other side of the uncanny valley, and people start having sex with them as a matter of course.

Is that going to be my fracture point? Fifty years from now, is not having sex with robots going to be the one personal hangup I never shed that marks me a fossil forever? Because standing right here, right now, that seems like a pretty goddamn healthy hangup to have.
posted by Ryvar at 10:42 PM on May 27 [2 favorites]

(re: title)

Who would want to install a debian pre compiled girlfriend package? It would be the older version with unsupported modifications just to make it acceptable for the current running environment. So think 50 something divorcee with new boobjob from Brazil, bad botox, and a could to host to all sort of stds.

And I don't even want to know what the "bleeding edge" package would all be about.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:44 PM on May 27 [1 favorite]

Pffft. Old news.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 10:46 PM on May 27

Alert Shields and Yarnell -- someone has ripped off their act.
posted by evilcolonel at 10:47 PM on May 27 [1 favorite]

Yeah, it's a fake (and not a very good one), considering the address is for this electronics store in Osaka...

No weird robot dolls, but they do have security cameras!

The better to see you with, my dear...
posted by armage at 10:50 PM on May 27

I dunno...
posted by Class Goat at 10:50 PM on May 27

If the uncanny valley is when a human simulator gets too close to a human but not quite there, we need a word for when viral advertising gets too close to reality (Real Dolls and such) while still being life sucking advertising.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:53 PM on May 27

Yes, this is fake. But one day it won't be.

And when that day comes, will the Perfect Women still ALL be WHITE?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:54 PM on May 27

What's all this about Sex Robots of the Future? The future is now people.
posted by dgaicun at 10:55 PM on May 27 [2 favorites]

I prefer my replicants less shiny. Please, do you offer a "satin" or "matte" model in addition to the three (only three?!?) choices of hair color? And besides dinner, and the ability to make heavily-accented stand-ins give profess their love, what options are available? More importantly, which parts are upsells? - are we talking "power everything," or am I looking at buying a factory-model Toyota with cloth seats and hand-crank windows - again?

This is really a disappointing offering. Blade Runner, Cherry 2000, and other such films led me to believe I'd have so many more options. If I weren't happily married to a real woman, you can bet I'd be writing a very stern letter right about now. I'm of a mind to write a letter anyway, except the missus is telling me I need to get off the computer and go to bed.

Consider yourselves warned, AI Robotics.
posted by Graygorey at 10:56 PM on May 27 [1 favorite]

That this is well beyond current sex robot technology should be patently obvious.

It is, however, still hot.
posted by anazgnos at 10:57 PM on May 27

It is coming.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:07 PM on May 27

Maybe the folks at Dove are taking a different tack with the 'Real Beauty' thing.
If it's to sell beer, I may just puke.

Though, there are already similar products. RealDoll...

Yes, but RealDolls don't move.

Unless you shell out $459.95US for the RealMovement mod kit, which frankly is far too high a price to pay for five bungee cords, seven eye screws, and thirteen sheaves of dubious durability.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:12 PM on May 27

Just once I wish they'd make a hot guy.

Asimo's not hot enough for you? I mean, come on, that dude is smooth.


But seriously. I may not be looking for a robo-woman or anything, but I really do look forward to the day that we have tons of bipedal, sentient, humanoid robots/androids. Yes, of either (or no) sex.

I think it'd actually be cool if they were dipped a bit into the uncanny valley too, cause that'd look damn awesome. To me, it would look truly like the future.

I guess I'm just not as much of a pussy about "OMG IT'S AN ALMOST-HUMAN, HOW CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This may have something to do with me being under 30 years old, however, so I'm not really going to try and legitimately claim a higher ground to my elders.
posted by agress at 11:13 PM on May 27

Yeah, someone's robot truck ran out of gas driving out of the uncanny valley. OR PERHAPS IT WAS SABOTAGE???

So clearly fake. But why?

Domain ID: D89480868-CONE

Domain Name: perfect-woman.com

Domain Name ACE: perfect-woman.com

Domain Language: 

Registrar ID: CORE-111 (Nameshield)

Created On: 2008-04-29 15:50:10 GMT

Last Updated On: 2008-04-29 15:50:15 GMT

Expiration Date: 2009-04-29 15:50:10 GMT

Maintainer: http://www.nameshield.net

Status: member-transfer-prohibited

Registrant ID: COCO-9547181

Registrant Name: FRESSE etienne

Registrant Organization: AI ROBOTICS

Registrant Street: 4-8, nihonbashi, naniwa-ku

...

Billing ID: COCO-1299176

Billing Name: BILLING Department

Billing Organization: NAMESHIELD

Billing Street: 27 rue des arenes

Billing City: ANGERS

Billing State/Province: MAINE ET LOIRE

Billing Postal Code: 49100

Billing Country: FR

Billing Phone: 

Billing Phone Ext: 

Billing Fax: 

Billing Fax Ext: 

Billing Email: [e-mail]

Name Server: ns2.observatoiredesmarques.fr 

Name Server ACE: ns2.observatoiredesmarques.fr 

Name Server: observatoire.observatoiredesmarques.fr 62.93.195.146

Name Server ACE: observatoire.observatoiredesmarques.fr 62.93.195.146

Not very Japanese. The DNS server seems like a French brand monitoring company... "Pionnier de la surveillance des marques sur Internet"? Someone with better French than me?
posted by GuyZero at 11:18 PM on May 27

Ah, to find yourself at your 30th high school reunion with your perfect-woman bot in tow! Register the expression on your high school crush's face as she looks at herself frozen in time--"the way she looked was way beyond compare" at that age, after all. She was so distant then, wasn't she, and now who's at a loss for words? It isn't you!

"Completely life-like," you tell her, with a conspiratorial wink.

Call now, operators are standing by!
posted by maxwelton at 11:23 PM on May 27 [3 favorites]

The translated Lycos page has a competition that mentions video games.
posted by tellurian at 11:24 PM on May 27

Pleatherpussy tag duly added.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:36 PM on May 27

By coincidence, I watched Lars & the Real Girl yesterday. but I refuse to watch s1m0ne.
posted by jabberjaw at 11:38 PM on May 27

Villiers de l'Isle-Adam had this covered in 1886.
posted by Wolof at 12:04 AM on May 28

"You're plooking too hard."
posted by mosk at 12:05 AM on May 28

"Pionnier de la surveillance des marques sur Internet"

Yeah, pioneering (in their view) internet brand monitoring company.
posted by Wolof at 12:06 AM on May 28

Oh! I read she can apparently play over 390 video games.
posted by tellurian at 12:08 AM on May 28

Aaaand I'm going to ask for a deletion on this one. It's stupider than I thought it was at first glance, and also probably marketing.
posted by loquacious at 12:18 AM on May 28

OK, I admit. I would will have sex with a robot immanentize the eschaton.
posted by flotson at 12:38 AM on May 28

Are pedophiles going to start ordering child sex dolls? If so, should they be made illegal?
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:53 AM on May 28

No, no, no, I want my flying car first.
posted by SteveInMaine at 12:56 AM on May 28

If building robot women is too hard, we're just gonna have to brainwash real women into thinking they're robots.
posted by Ritchie at 1:14 AM on May 28

Faker than Hillary's affected African-American accent!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:56 AM on May 28

Clearly a fake, almost surely viral marketing, however, we're close in real life:

Actroid/Repliee
EveR

They're called "gynoids", for female android. In the future there will be men porking robots.
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:15 AM on May 28

In the future

In the future? Have you ever seen the dudes in a robotics lab?
posted by maxwelton at 3:19 AM on May 28

In the future

*snorts, whinnies*
posted by Wolof at 3:53 AM on May 28

I CAN HAS SQUEEZE-BOT?
posted by subgear at 4:15 AM on May 28

I'd like to explore her uncanny val...oh, she's NOT a robot? Lame. *kicks rock*

It also says that there will be a version coming in men!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:27 AM on May 28

She looks like the Anne of Green Gables actress... I always wondered what happened to her.
posted by Senator at 4:31 AM on May 28

While the site is obviously fake, the tech just doesn't exist yet, the reality will be here one day and I think it'd be beneficial to have a (several) discussions about it.

On the easy side you've got the people who want robot women/men for sex. It might be a bit creepy, but really its no big deal. Where you run into problems are with people who will want robot children for sex, robot dragons, robot dogs, etc.

Is a person with a child shaped sexbot a pedophile, or not? What about pornography produced with insanely realistic child shaped sexbots? Or someone who wants a snuff bot? "Now you can strangle your lover! Enjoy the unique pleasure of the muscle spasams that accompany death! Just $3,999.99!"

Is that a healthy outlet for urges that might otherwise be expressed in reality, or is it training people to do the real thing?

IIRC the longest lasting program in a turing test managed to keep a conversation going for ten minutes before it was found out. Sex, especially specific fantasy scenarios, is likely quite a bit simpler to AI model.

While the LULZ are fun, I think we'd do well to give the issue some serious thought. Extremely realistic sexbots are going to be technologically possible in short order, I think the guestimate of 2050 may be a bit pessimistic. And once its possible you know they'll be manufactured, even if its illegal. So the question is, should it be illegal?
posted by sotonohito at 4:44 AM on May 28

She's a little shiny and why the hell won't she just hold still? Perfect? Hardly.
posted by Pollomacho at 4:45 AM on May 28

...usually when that happens I just try to take a deep breath and move on because it's admittedly kind of obnoxious.
posted by cortex at 12:29 AM on May 28

You could compromise by talking about the ranting you'd like to be doing, like in half all-caps but in tiny text to show it's an aside...

I felt this way when people were debating (rather early in the game) whether "The Blair Witch Project" was real (ask your parents, kids, this was way back in the late 90s). Murder? Occult? Videotape? Sure, the major news networks might have missed that one for years.

If nothing else, a couple of minutes perusing fine publications like Maxim and its soft core ilk would demonstrate the particulars of how the kind of social also-ran who would want to date a robot would want his robot girlfriend to look, and no offense to the robot-lady-actress but she's not quite the type, is she? For one thing, she doesn't have ridiculous, enormous comic book breasts. Also, like they would advertise her displayed in a sensible skirt and blouse. Also, like they would advertise "intelligence" as one of her virtues.

Also, what's with the whole "doin' the robot" robot poses thing she's doing in that commercial, that whole bent-arms in front pose? I guess it's supposed to signal to me that she's a robot, in case I didn't catch the whole "this is the perfect girlfriend from AI Robotics!" thing.

On top of all this, wow, what a fresh concept. Wouldn't romance be easier if you could just fuck a robot? Someone should write a book about how a whole community of men replaces their wives with subservient robots. And then they could make a movie out of it! And then, like thirty years later, another terrible remake starring Nicole Kidman.
posted by nanojath at 6:23 AM on May 28

Reminder: One hundred sterilized credits qualifies for non-mechanical reproduction simulation.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:28 AM on May 28

Henry C. Mabuse writes:

It is coming.
posted by Artichoke Dance Off!! at 6:29 AM on May 28

Yes, it's fake. I'm going to really pull out the stops here and point out that it is, in fact, fakey fakey McFakerson.

But her voice chip told me she loved me.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:45 AM on May 28

She's just using you for your Galactic Credits, man!
posted by cortex at 6:51 AM on May 28

Winner just for the title.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 7:10 AM on May 28

Had me till she blinked. Blinking is a very human thing.

Still, the sexbots are coming and it ain't gonna be funny. As in end of the species not funny. See Paul diFillipo's "Ribofunk" for a more biological example of how things can go wrong.

Good comment Sotonohito. more like 2025 tho' (if not 2015).
posted by djrock3k at 7:12 AM on May 28

Unless you shell out $459.95US for the RealMovement mod kit...

Yeah, that option is not what you think it is. Think "niche market".
posted by LordSludge at 7:17 AM on May 28 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: Ten tons of industrial-grade fake.
posted by Quietgal at 7:17 AM on May 28

Had me till she blinked. Blinking is a very human thing.

Dude, all of the robots at WDW blink. But, they won't have sex with you, no matter how many times you ask.

Damn you, Abe Lincoln...
posted by thanotopsis at 7:33 AM on May 28 [2 favorites]

Yeah, that option is not what you think it is. Think "niche market".
posted by LordSludge

eponysterical!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:49 AM on May 28

yeah, that's a lot of viral right there.

also, the timeline is all wrong. 4/4/2008 they raise funds to realize the project, and POOF now they're shipping soon?

CLEARLY, THIS MUST BE SOME KIND OF STORY ABOUT FEMALE SEXBOTS GOING MAD WITH POORLY-DEBUGGED EMOTIONS AND KILLING EVERYONE.
posted by rmd1023 at 8:38 AM on May 28

also, the timeline is all wrong. 4/4/2008 they raise funds to realize the project, and POOF now they're shipping soon?

Of course that's possible, small-thinker! It's an internet-based business!
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:22 AM on May 28 [1 favorite]

I need a unit to sample and hold
but not a slavic peasant in mom pants
no a new design a new design.
posted by bunnytricks at 9:30 AM on May 28

Remember when you were six? You and your brother snuck into an empty building through a basement window. You were going to play doctor. He showed you his but when it got to be your turn you chickened and ran, you remember that? You ever tell anybody that? Your mother, Tyrell, anybody? Remember the spider that lived outside your window? Orange body, green legs. Watched her build a web all summer then one day there's a big egg in it. The egg hatched...
posted by Dave Faris at 9:37 AM on May 28

As in end of the species not funny.

That's very first-world-middle-class-and-up centric. I'm pretty sure there's still about a billion and a half combined Chinese and Indians who can't afford robot sex buddies just yet. Not to mention most of South America, virtually all of Africa, pretty much the entire Middle East besides Saudi Arabia and Israel (and possibly the UAE, not really as up to date with the countries we're not fighting in), and, you know, big portions of the US and Europe too.

Seriously, we could stand to pass around some robot sex buddies, it might keep us from overpopulating the planet so ridiculously.
posted by Caduceus at 9:55 AM on May 28

I'd gladly get myself one.

"Sam, you have been playing TF2 all night. Please leave the..."

"CLOSET! NOW!"

"Yes, Sam. But I must tell you I am leaving you for the Roomba. He listens to me. He understands m..."

(clicks remote off and starts cruising RoboBabeHackers.com for new scripts)
posted by Samizdata at 11:43 AM on May 28

Let me be the first to say that I think this is fake.
posted by nthdegx at 12:03 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]

Isn't this Rebecca Pigeon, David Mamet's current squeeze?
posted by lalochezia at 12:05 PM on May 28

Mamet doesn't squeeze... he coaxes...
posted by rokusan at 12:37 PM on May 28

It's all fun and games until she shorts out while you're doing the Big Nasty on the kitchen floor and you have to hire a Tracker to take you into Zone 7 to find a replacement chip. (And if they have a version that looks like Pamela Gidley, I'm buying two.)
posted by forrest at 4:14 PM on May 28

And I should have done a search on the page for Cherry 2000 before I posted.
posted by forrest at 4:15 PM on May 28

I call shenannigans. If this was real the order form would have a boob size section.
posted by jonmc at 4:44 PM on May 28

Pffft. Old news.

Older than that, even. Originally 1967; this is a later, faster version.
posted by msalt at 4:53 PM on May 28

David was staring out of the window. "Teddy, you know what I was thinking? How do you tell what are real things from what aren't real things?"

The bear shuffled its alternatives. "Real things are good."
posted by P.o.B. at 5:08 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]

you guys really need to watch the PSA on Electric Gonnorrhea: The noisy killer
posted by subaruwrx at 10:31 PM on May 28

Coming in late, but I get a fake UI, a bad striptease, and an ad for shaving lotion.
posted by ahughey at 10:03 AM on June 18

Huh. It looks completely different from the original site. I almost wonder if this was a "Hey, let's make an ad and hope someone wants to use it to advertise something" project.
posted by roll truck roll at 8:16 PM on June 18

The 'original site' is here now. teasing?
posted by tellurian at 12:36 AM on June 19