For the low, low price of WTF...

October 10, 2008 8:14 PM

Buy the opening page to the Internet!
posted by desjardins (51 comments total)

I think I have seen this before.
posted by lee at 8:18 PM on October 10, 2008

Oh. I was just bemoaning that I hadn't seen a "batshitinsane in the manner of timecube" post on MeFi recently. Thank you.
posted by sciurus at 8:18 PM on October 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

OK, if I get to the end of the internet, I'll know where to start over now....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 8:32 PM on October 10, 2008

no no no not again
posted by Benjamin Nushmutt at 8:32 PM on October 10, 2008

Sorry, this is the opening page, and always has been.
posted by WolfDaddy at 8:32 PM on October 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is better than many of the other bathshitinsane sites I've seen. It actually makes good reading--try to look at it like a '60s postmodern poem, and it comes out beautifully. The style and the formatting even help.
posted by nasreddin at 8:33 PM on October 10, 2008

Metafilter: AT YOUR OWN RISK YOU COULD FALL INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT AND TUMBLE THROUGH SPACE FOREVER
posted by oulipian at 8:39 PM on October 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

WARNING: INCLUDES HEAVY AMOUNTS OF HAND-CODED HTML AND huh?
posted by lonefrontranger at 8:42 PM on October 10, 2008

I think this is a part of the Peacock Enterprises Umbrella.
posted by resurrexit at 8:49 PM on October 10, 2008

hmm.
posted by blaneyphoto at 8:53 PM on October 10, 2008

SOmetimes, in my dreams, I dream that I'm websurfing.

This site looks like what my subconscious does when I'm dreamin and it goes "QUICK! Throw something up that looks like a 'web page'!"
posted by ShawnStruck at 8:55 PM on October 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

You know, you just don't see the marquee tag that much these days...It's nice to see someone bringing that back. Good on him.
posted by jedicus at 9:01 PM on October 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

actually this is a really good idea he is going to make a lot of money
posted by srs at 9:01 PM on October 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

i'm going to call him in the morning and ask for some of that moeny before everyone else gets to it
posted by srs at 9:02 PM on October 10, 2008

they are seven years late with that joke.
posted by krautland at 9:02 PM on October 10, 2008

It actually makes good reading--try to look at it like a '60s postmodern poem, and it comes out beautifully.

I know what you mean. Hell, he might have cribbed some of his opening lines from Browning:

Grrr...Power Ideas Being Birthed here

"Gr-r-r — there go, my heart's abhorrence!"
posted by Iridic at 9:05 PM on October 10, 2008

Oh geez... I opened the page and exciting ideas exploded around me, right now. Who's gonna clean this mess up, desjardins?
posted by not_on_display at 9:05 PM on October 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, and:
---JOEY the MIDWIFE---
AN ADVERTISING AGENCY
posted by not_on_display at 9:08 PM on October 10, 2008

Give him a call and ask him about it. He's up.
posted by srs at 9:11 PM on October 10, 2008

I'm kind of sad it isn't www.herebedragons.com or www.abandonhopeallyewhoenter.com.

At least one of those is available, btw.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:13 PM on October 10, 2008

So you were playing around with the Google ten year anniversary searches, huh?
posted by Caduceus at 9:14 PM on October 10, 2008

HOW DO I GET THE GOOGLE OFF MY COMPUTER EVER SINCE I DOWNLOADED IT MY HARDDRIVE IS NOT LETTING ME GET IN MY HOT MAIL??!!! HELPP!
posted by humannaire at 9:36 PM on October 10, 2008

{gosh that site is beeyootiful AND I MEAN IT!!!]
posted by humannaire at 9:37 PM on October 10, 2008

Wait I can't tell does this domain have "LinkXcitement" or not
posted by churl at 9:38 PM on October 10, 2008

Huh. So that's what I coded last night while drunk.
posted by Effigy2000 at 9:49 PM on October 10, 2008

I suspect anyone well aquainted with J.R. Bob Dobbs will at once recognize what an awesome idea this is.
posted by farmdoggie at 9:54 PM on October 10, 2008

Strickly!
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 10:03 PM on October 10, 2008

At the very bottom it has: "b December 7, 1922 Honolulu Hawaii USA"
If he's 85, I think we should cut him some slack.

Also,

WODEN WAS A NORSE GOD
what ever happened to you, Woden?
. . . .
nudity prevalent on public beaches in some countries
Americans are the prudes :-)
. . . .
Rome was not built in a day.
THE OPENING PAGE WAS
so forgive a few misteaks

Rock on, grandpa.
posted by D.C. at 10:06 PM on October 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Chose AND FOCUS your direction
i WILL WORK WITH YOU ON THIS
posted by batmonkey at 10:10 PM on October 10, 2008

Must... comment... now... but... can't... find... option... for... multicolored multisized fonts.
posted by twoleftfeet at 10:15 PM on October 10, 2008

"think about your brain. You could hold it in you hand like a piece of liver yet it can remember almost every detail of everything that ever happened you"

*looks at beer, looks at monitor*

hmm, maybe i've had enough for tonight
posted by pyramid termite at 10:18 PM on October 10, 2008

That was surprisingly attractive. Never underestimate the power of properly spaced, broad-lettered fonts in primary colors, I guess.
posted by davejay at 10:31 PM on October 10, 2008

Hey, can you add a 'comicsans' tag to this? Okay, thanks.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:36 PM on October 10, 2008

Opening Page Can Be programmed to do
anything Twitter can do...plus plus plus :-) .

OH GOD
posted by blasdelf at 11:04 PM on October 10, 2008

I got lost at the very top of the page:

monitored and updated 24 hours a day
Monday Oct 6 2008

Did I somehow score a lost week, and nobody told me?
posted by Graygorey at 11:19 PM on October 10, 2008

i guess the page has been dead since tuesday or so. maybe he sold it huh.
posted by shockingbluamp at 12:09 AM on October 11, 2008

For my money, my opening page (and the default page for new tabs) has been this for about 12 years now.
posted by revmitcz at 12:33 AM on October 11, 2008

'Center Justify' seems to be one of most accurate barometers of crazy there is.
posted by Jofus at 2:19 AM on October 11, 2008 [2 favorites]

Mahir is behind this -- he kiss you!
posted by RubberHen at 7:06 AM on October 11, 2008

The craziness goes way back. He's had the domain since 1998. Let's celebrate 10 years of insanity.
posted by johnjreiser at 7:12 AM on October 11, 2008

It's incredibly innovative and cutting edge. Nobody else uses Cooper Black as HTML text. I'll be sure to swipe this idea soon.
posted by ardgedee at 7:42 AM on October 11, 2008

Now I know what the Dr. Bonner's Soap guy would be doing, it he were still alive today.

Replace half-true Socialist-fluoride poison & tax-slavery with full-truth, work-speech-press & profitsharing Socialaction! All-One! So, help build 4 billion Hannibal wind-power plants, charging 96 billion battery-banks, powering every car-factory-farm-home-monorail & pump, watering Babylon-roof-gardens & 800 billion Israel-Milorganite fruit trees, guarded by Swiss 6000 year Universal Military Training! ALL ONE!
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:54 AM on October 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

The Dec. 2007 is definitely NSF Epileptics.
posted by imposster at 8:26 AM on October 11, 2008

what
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:18 AM on October 11, 2008

The page is not just the opening page of the Internet, but is in fact a complete subjective experience of the entire Internet ITSELF!. In a condensed and fractal form it reduces the user experience of the web to a single page of streaming sometimes connected sometimes random information presented is a myriad of styles and sensory experience. You find yourself stumbling across ideas that you vaguely remember from further up the page somewhere but struggle to locate. It is so information rich that it actually defies linking, and comes simply as a stream of consciousness. And when you are done all you remember is that you had something to do, two hours has passed by and you seem to remember nothing at all of what you have been reading.

Yes friends, if I was going to give a Martian Visitor ONE PAGE to show him how the Internet of the Earth really works, this would be it.
posted by salishsea at 11:24 AM on October 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

As always when it comes to this genre of webpage, my enjoyment is enhanced greatly by typing Ctrl + U.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:55 AM on October 11, 2008

I seem to have been reading the Internet backwards, because I had never seen this page before. Perhaps he should sell the backpage of the Internet too, just to be sure people like me don't open it upside down.

In spite of this small shortcoming, I believe this man has the vision to fix our world economy.
posted by Deep Dish at 2:09 PM on October 11, 2008

Reminds me of these two other pieces of insanity:
www.hotmoaningbev.com
and
www.ideafarm.com

See and fear.
posted by 1adam12 at 5:18 PM on October 11, 2008

I have just the ad agency for them: HuhCorp
posted by Wild_Eep at 6:33 PM on October 11, 2008

what? no cube?
posted by liza at 8:14 PM on October 11, 2008

Brought to you by Dr. Bronner's
posted by alexwoods at 12:23 PM on October 12, 2008