Down South frumpin'!

November 13, 2008 7:17 AM

Jocelyn Testes-Harder is a no-nonsense woman
posted by iffley (94 comments total)

There is no way that can be real.
posted by gomichild at 7:23 AM on November 13, 2008

no, she's a flaming asshole...

Someone explain the point of this FPP..
posted by HuronBob at 7:25 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I vote for not-real too, as does the OP, judging by the tags. If it's real, there's no FPP here. If it's not, it's funny (your funny mileage may vary). FPP!
posted by dammitjim at 7:27 AM on November 13, 2008

This is a pretty ugly and mean-spirited parody.
posted by nasreddin at 7:28 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

I like ladies with tough nuts !!!
posted by Pendragon at 7:28 AM on November 13, 2008

There should be some sort of Welcome To The Internet guide that everyone should be forced to read before joining online discussions, and the first chapter should explain what trolls are and tell people to ignore them.
posted by burnmp3s at 7:29 AM on November 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

She's also a Knotty Hotty and likes the Supergoat.

Fuck. Why the hell am I reading this? NOT best of the web on any intarwebs anywhere.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:29 AM on November 13, 2008

Flail.
posted by cashman at 7:29 AM on November 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

Have things gotten so bad that people are prepared to think this is real? The comments over there are depressing.
posted by minifigs at 7:32 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

minifigs - I DID think it was real at first. If you had met an ex of mine, you would understand why.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:33 AM on November 13, 2008

So is this like a Republican version of Jesus' General or something?
posted by xthlc at 7:35 AM on November 13, 2008

I really hope it isn't real( and it does seem to be fake), but if it is real I feel sorry for those kids.

Also the most current post is basically "I went to the movies with my kids, I decided to take them to an R rated movie and then was surprised when it was full of R rated content. My children and I were annoying another movie patron with constant talking so when he told us to shut up I told the usher he was drunk. Then we snuck into another movie. The End"

Horribly real or a terrible fake, you the people decide.
posted by Sargas at 7:36 AM on November 13, 2008

It is the kind of humor that only very mean spirited people enjoy... and ends up being bait for many others..

I guess my take on this is that it doesn't contribute anything positive to the world... or to metafilter....
posted by HuronBob at 7:38 AM on November 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

In October, she (or someone claiming to be her) posted the following at refugees.bratfree.com:

Re: Meet Jocelyn- Halloween mother goon extrordinaire
Posted by: Joss (IP Logged)
Date: October 28, 2008 05:44AM

Jocelyn is fictional.


She also states that IRL she has no kids.

That said, I stopped going to movie theaters long ago because of non-fictitious attendees like the one she portrays in her most recent blog.
posted by terranova at 7:39 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Not my thing I guess, it just seemed rather pathetic and mean spirited.

xthlc if it were a Republican parody she'd be black. Likely whoever is responsible for it is either politically agnostic or a "liberal".
posted by sotonohito at 7:41 AM on November 13, 2008

iffy, iffley.
posted by gman at 7:43 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

this is why politicians should never use satire or sarcasm. People are just too stupid to get it.

Hey! It's a blog! It must be real! That lady be craaaazy!

I LOLed, or whatever it is kids these days say when they think something has humor above average.
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:47 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Testes-Harder" and there's debate over whether she's real?

On a related note, you guys might like my friend's blog at blog.William-Emperor-Shitkicker-Supreme.com
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:51 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

sotonohito good point, although given the circular firing squad taking place within the Republican party nowadays, I wouldn't put it past some young intern at Americans For Tax Reform writing a trollblog like this as a way of blowing off steam about "Real America".
posted by xthlc at 7:51 AM on November 13, 2008

i laughed. obnoxious parents are teh suck. this was a welcome swipe at them.
posted by shmegegge at 7:56 AM on November 13, 2008

Made-up? I guess, but you know there are many many people in America who act as this woman does. I would imagine that some of these sociopaths keep blogs. But I'll admit to being a little gullible, although irony, parody, and sarcasm are not usually lost on me. This one baffles me.
posted by kozad at 7:57 AM on November 13, 2008

Made-up? I guess, but you know there are many many people in America who act as this woman does. I would imagine that some of these sociopaths keep blogs.

Nobody writes a blog about how they don't wipe their hands after eating and touch a bunch of things, even people who do that in real life. Horrible people don't write blogs about how horrible they are, they write blogs about how great they are.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:09 AM on November 13, 2008 [6 favorites]

This kinda sounds like my mom!
posted by smackwich at 8:11 AM on November 13, 2008

Ms. Testes-Harder reminds me of a story.

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back and said "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all ... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
posted by netbros at 8:14 AM on November 13, 2008 [16 favorites]

the way I can always recognize these things is when every single thing they describe gets under your skin.

basically, her list for the latest blog entry is:

brats wanted to see movie, so loaded up on candy and shoved an entire jug of apple cider in her purse. (that's a big fuckin' purse, i guess.)
sold out kids movie so she took them to an R rated movie.
was appalled that the R movie had R rated trailers.
couldn't hear movie over her own kids candy wrappers
kids kept exploding m&ms over everything
kid went into sugar coma, at least she was quiet (!!!)
texting during movie
explaining sex jokes to small children.
got a quiet theater patron thrown out of the theater.
snuck into kids movie afterward.

I think it was the movie Minority Report, of all places, where I first heard the term "Orgy of Evidence." The idea is that when you have THAT much pointing to one person, it becomes suspicious and points to a frame-up. It's no different here. Much like a frame-up depends on officers who want to arrest the first person they suspect, jokes like this can prey on people who somewhere deep inside of them want a target for the rage or frustration they feel toward real obnoxious parents. the idea of critically examining the blog post is lost in the combination of rage they feel toward the blogger and relief to finally have someone to point to and say "see! this is what they're like!"
posted by shmegegge at 8:17 AM on November 13, 2008 [8 favorites]

angry ex husband is angry
posted by fleetmouse at 8:22 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

This blows.
posted by fixedgear at 8:30 AM on November 13, 2008

Yeah, I think the fact that the author posts on a childfree site, as per terranova's discovery, is a teensy clue as to where he or she is coming from.
posted by xthlc at 8:30 AM on November 13, 2008

I'd like to start today's post with a big fat "Thanks for nothing!" to all you jerks for not doing a write-in for Hillary yesterday like we agreed! Now we're stuck with this Obama character. Yeah, maybe his inspiring words remind people all over the world about all the great things that America stands for. But so what? What do I get out of that?

Okay, that was pretty good.
posted by yhbc at 8:35 AM on November 13, 2008

Whether or not you find this funny is directly proportional to your proximity to Richmond.
posted by daHIFI at 8:36 AM on November 13, 2008 [6 favorites]

It had near giggles me until "blackberry" - rule one: make it plausible - white trash cider toting moms always have the free model of phone if not a prepaid.
posted by Jeremy at 8:40 AM on November 13, 2008

she doesn't sound like my ex - just the woman my ex wants to be and couldn't quite pull off
posted by pyramid termite at 8:42 AM on November 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

I didn't actually click through this link but I'm going to be digsusted all day by the idea of someone putting vaseline on their bicycle chain.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:43 AM on November 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

It's so far beyond parody at times it's just nonsense. Which of course is why I like it.

This one is especially silly.

Wednesday was Brandon's 8th birthday, so Phil and I took him, his sisters, and his little friend Andrew to the bowling alley. I had tried to invite some of his other friends, but their moms said that they didn't want to come because Brandon is a bully. That's okay by me, cause I don't really want him hanging out with boys who can't take a punch in the stomach.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:55 AM on November 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

"Testes-Harder" and there's debate over whether she's real?

I mean, this was the first thing I noticed. Harder balls, eh, what? Pay attention, people!
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:08 AM on November 13, 2008

Fake.

Recommend deletion of this vile, unfunny crap.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:11 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

It's very funny. And funnier still are the people who don't get it.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 9:15 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is pretty frumpin' stupid.
posted by Caduceus at 9:15 AM on November 13, 2008

Wait, wait, wait a minute... you're telling me Testes-Harder is not a real name?!?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:19 AM on November 13, 2008

And funnier still are the people who don't get it.

Oh, she's so outrageous! And shocking! And misanthropic! Yet is herself a pathetic person!

My, what cutting edge humor. Could be 1000 times better if it wasn't so obvious, and was written better.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:21 AM on November 13, 2008

Unfunny is fair, but vile and fake? This is an obvious parody and it's clever and well written. As far as I can tell it doesn't have any real agenda other than coming up with an amusingly obnoxious character--cf Borat, Debbie Downer, Alexander Pope. So, um...

wat?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:21 AM on November 13, 2008

It's people like this that give White Trash a bad name.
posted by spock at 9:22 AM on November 13, 2008

That's how it is sometimes when you're pregnant, stoned, and full of raw shellfish.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:29 AM on November 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

You guys never heard of a spoiler alert? I thought it was real.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:32 AM on November 13, 2008

That's how it is sometimes when you're pregnant, stoned, and full of raw shellfish.

Alright, that did make me chuckle. But most of this reads like a female Al Bundy.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:35 AM on November 13, 2008

It's kind of funny, and sort of insightful, but too obviously a parody to be a really good read.
posted by lordrunningclam at 9:37 AM on November 13, 2008

If you like this I have a fascinating blog by a guy named Eisenstadt of the Harding Institute.

And a bridge to sell!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:41 AM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

This strip club one is my favorite so far because of the way it plays on (from what I've heard from dancers) the dumbest expectations of the clientele.

During my very first week on the job I accidentally farted right in a guy's face during a private dance! I figured it would be okay because I was wearing a spandex Catwoman suit, and cats are notorious for that.

A female Al Bundy sounds awesome to me actually, because I am mentally 12 years old. It's the same reason why I respect George Carlin but laugh 10x harder at Dave Attell.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:42 AM on November 13, 2008

Nobody writes a blog about how they don't wipe their hands after eating and touch a bunch of things, even people who do that in real life.

Maybe, but we do have a bartender who defends her decision to never wash her hands.
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:42 AM on November 13, 2008

It's very funny. And funnier still are the people who don't get it.

Ah, the Fallacy of Hack Comedy. Just because people don't think it's funny, doesn't always mean they don't get it. It just means that it's probably not that funny.

It's amusing. With a lot of editing, it could probably be funny.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:53 AM on November 13, 2008 [3 favorites]

no, she's a flaming asshole...

Someone explain the point of this FPP..

The point is you have no sense of humor.

(and reactions like these just make it even funnier)



And I love the kid's name: Jailen.
posted by Zambrano at 9:58 AM on November 13, 2008

My gf & I went to see Burn After Reading last Monday at 4pm. There were 8 people in a 300-seat cinema. Fucking. Heaven. And the tickets were free.
posted by i_cola at 10:01 AM on November 13, 2008

The funniest part is not the writing itself, but the people who think that it's real. THOSE people are fucking hilarious.

I love seeing people take shit too serious.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:02 AM on November 13, 2008

It's kind of funny, and sort of insightful

I strongly disagree on both counts. The fact that the woman's last name is almost literally Ballbreaker gives you a very clear sense of how sharp the point is on this particular rapier wit.

This is like the parody-blog equivalent of a nineteenth-century political cartoon where there's a big menacing snake with "Congress" written along its belly, only without the subtlely. Imagine the same snake with "Evil, Deceitful Congress of Bad People You Shouldn't Like" written along its belly, and that'd be more like it.

My three-year-old likes to insert "poopie" into sentences out of context. "Time to get dressed." "Time to get poopie!" It's a better gag, frankly.
posted by gompa at 10:06 AM on November 13, 2008 [5 favorites]

The only thing really funny about this are the blog comments from the people who appear to not realize it's fake and thus try to shame her for her actions. The fact that it's so bad and over the top just makes those comments funnier. If it were good, somewhat subtle parody, we'd have to forgive them for not realizing.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:06 AM on November 13, 2008

"Time to get poopie!" Priceless!
posted by grubi at 10:11 AM on November 13, 2008

Hm, I always find this notion of letting-kids-watch-R-rated-movie = bad parent to be really aggravating. Annoying kids permitted in the theatre, however, is evil.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 10:14 AM on November 13, 2008

The funniest part is not the writing itself, but the people who think that it's real. THOSE people are fucking hilarious.

I love seeing people take shit too serious.

Exactly. Howard Stern made a mint off of pseudo-intellectual dullards like this. It's really humor done to perfection (sort of the opposite of the in-your-face rapid fire obviousness of The Simpsons).
posted by Zambrano at 10:14 AM on November 13, 2008

This is like the parody-blog equivalent of a nineteenth-century political cartoon where there's a big menacing snake with "Congress" written along its belly, only without the subtlely. Imagine the same snake with "Evil, Deceitful Congress of Bad People You Shouldn't Like" written along its belly, and that'd be more like it.

Stop it you're killing me!
posted by Zambrano at 10:17 AM on November 13, 2008

Well, now, this is a truly effective troll if it's generated this much response.

The name was a dead giveaway, honestly. "Jocelyn Testes-Harder" is a "Mahatma Kane Jeeves" pseudonym of the highest order, only instead of an order to one's butler, this name sounds like an unfortunate incident involving biking shorts, a plastic bicycle seat and a bumpy mountain trail.
posted by Spatch at 10:18 AM on November 13, 2008

Metafilter: Pregnant, stoned, and full of raw shellfish.

Aww man, I fell off the wagon.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:22 AM on November 13, 2008

I mean, this was the first thing I noticed. Harder balls, eh, what?

Isn't it harder jostling?

I do wonder if there are any individual parts to this parody that actually are too far out there. Having been to a 10 pm showing of I Am Legend where the last people seated were a woman and her three children (all apparently under the age of four) most of whom ended up crying that they wanted to go home when Will Smith killed the dog (they stayed), I'm not sure.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 10:31 AM on November 13, 2008

"It's always been fun for me. Everybody wishes they had my name."
— Dr. Dick Chopp, urologist.
posted by stargell at 10:40 AM on November 13, 2008

I like Landover Baptist Church better.
posted by cj_ at 11:09 AM on November 13, 2008

I found it sort-of funny, more than a little mean-spirited. I would have preferred it if it were both funnier and meaner.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:11 AM on November 13, 2008

I never got the "Mahatma Kane Jeeves" thing before now. Thanks!
posted by yhbc at 11:18 AM on November 13, 2008

I'm sorry, but I have very little confidence that his plans for redistributing wealth are going to work out as well as the Republicans have promised.

HAHAHA I like this.
posted by sondrialiac at 11:29 AM on November 13, 2008

A final defense of this blog, the entry about travel to Florida introduced me to this Trip Advisor page, which probably needs its own FPP if it doesn't have one already.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:36 AM on November 13, 2008

Just because people don't think it's funny, doesn't always mean they don't get it. It just means that it's probably not that funny.

Everythings's funny to somebody. If "it's not funny" were a valid criticism, both Gallagher and Carrot Top would be mopping floors for a living.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:50 AM on November 13, 2008

Mahatma Kane Jeeves!

Wow. How did I miss that?
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:54 AM on November 13, 2008

Ha! The medical professional who gave me the big V gets cited on the blue. It's a small world (and an even smaller incision! I recommend it, fellas! Just be sure to lay in several bags of frozen peas for when you get home from the 20-minute outpatient surgery.) Really, with a name like that, what other profession could he have pursued? I can testify (heh) that the man's a real pro. And as I like to say, if you're worried about any after-effects, I can only tell you that it didn't make a vas deferens to me!

(Also, glad the thread finally got the "jostlin'" part of the name pun, I was getting a little worried there.)
posted by slappy_pinchbottom at 11:55 AM on November 13, 2008

I still don't get the Mahatma Kane Jeeves thing, which I have only just now heard of.

*Slinks off to RTFA*
posted by Mister_A at 11:57 AM on November 13, 2008

Everythings's funny to somebody. If "it's not funny" were a valid criticism, both Gallagher and Carrot Top would be mopping floors for a living.

I completely agree AZ, and should have made it clear that unlike the lame and condescending 'Well, you just don't get it' crowd, I recognize the subjectivity of humour. I should have written: "Just because people don't think it's funny, doesn't always mean they don't get it. It just means that it's probably not that funny to them."
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:02 PM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

My hat, my cane, Jeeves.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:18 PM on November 13, 2008

Potomac Avenue's link just redeemed the whole post.

What's even more amazing than a TripAdvisor review entitled "tortured woman screaming for help"? Well, for one thing, that there's a motel in Jacksonville rated even lower.

We did not pay $50 to hear people being tortured and beaten,and the only reason we were there was to sleep, which now was not an option. we went to the front desk and he would not refund us the money.

Yeah, tough break, lady, but at least you weren't stuck at Sun Suites. That place is a dive.
posted by gompa at 12:26 PM on November 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

This doesn't really break any metafilter guidelines; it's just some crass and unsubtle humour. It certainly seems that there are some people who like it. What's with all the calls for deletion?
posted by tehloki at 12:30 PM on November 13, 2008

I thought it was kinda funny. In that mean spirited Republican way.
posted by tkchrist at 12:50 PM on November 13, 2008

That TripAdvisor page is indeed hilarious.

we came back at 8 o'clock to make sure we didn't leave anything and to check out. as i was sitting on the bed, i decided to reach over and look at a brochure of local hotels. as i opened it, i saw a plastic baggie with marijuana in it!

I guess they were out of chocolates.
posted by burnmp3s at 12:52 PM on November 13, 2008

Clever & well-written? It's a bunch of whiny CF rants re-typed as 1st-person wankery. Meh.
posted by batmonkey at 1:30 PM on November 13, 2008 [2 favorites]

It parodies white trash so well that people want to doubt it, in their disgust, to the point where they force themselves to deny they will have anything to do with it.
posted by Brian B. at 3:27 PM on November 13, 2008

This kind of thing unfortunately panders to a type of person whose liberalism barely conceals a kind of provincialism and contempt of those not of their class. It's not that some find it (or just some of it) funny, but that that some people's egos are boosted by finding it funny, that by finding something funny that others do not, they are, in some way, better than them.
posted by Snyder at 4:40 PM on November 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well. looks like I got ripped off on all those private dances...
posted by Samizdata at 5:52 PM on November 13, 2008

Testes Hard II: Testes Harder!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:14 PM on November 13, 2008

Reporting from Richmond VA here. My first thought on this was "this is so southside". hilarious stuff.
posted by tarantula at 6:55 PM on November 13, 2008

this girl seems to mention "slags" a lot. is this really virginia slang?
posted by camdan at 7:41 PM on November 13, 2008

This kind of thing unfortunately panders to a type of person whose liberalism barely conceals a kind of provincialism and contempt of those not of their class.

It doesn't pander to conservatives? Who could've guessed?
posted by Brian B. at 8:56 PM on November 13, 2008

I had to tell a cock to turn his phone off at Synecdoche, NY. Well, I told him he could turn it off and stuff it in his pocket or leave it on and I could stuff it up his ass. He turned it off.
posted by Manhasset at 8:56 PM on November 13, 2008

I had to tell a cock to turn his phone off at Synecdoche, NY. Well, I told him he could turn it off and stuff it in his pocket or leave it on and I could stuff it up his ass. He turned it off.

This is either the most cleverly Joycean self-referential language-aware comment I've read in a long time, or it's not. I'm going to assume that it is, because I like the world to be interesting that way.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:49 AM on November 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

There are a few gems. Most of this is simply not that funny, just as Gallagher's Sledge-O-Matic really never was that funny. And for more or less the same reasons.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 3:44 AM on November 14, 2008

Duh.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:51 AM on November 14, 2008

"25 things you shouldn't put in your mouth..."
7. Those greenish defective potato chips

Disagree.
posted by lunit at 10:10 AM on November 14, 2008

14. Large floppy titty sticking through a hole in the wall

Disagree.

And BTW, where are these heterosexual glory holes located?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:44 AM on November 15, 2008

Ah. OK. The Scottish Inn, Jacksonville, FL. Obviously.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:45 AM on November 15, 2008

But it's on a bloggyblog with its own domain and a pretty background and a blogroll. It HAS to be accurate and real!

(FYI: The other entries would lead a reasonable person to believe that it's all fake. Like others, I have no idea how it made it here.)
posted by drstein at 8:38 AM on November 23, 2008