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Make your own pruno and may God have mercy on your soul
December 11, 2008 2:37 AM   Subscribe

How to make prison wine out of oranges, sugar and ketchup.

Part of the series "How to do some idiotic things."
posted by sveskemus (31 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
If pruno is "wine", then lighter fluid is "Scotch".
posted by TDavis at 2:45 AM on December 11, 2008 [5 favorites]


Is it just me or has Mefi become PrisonFilter lately?

Not that I mind of course, we're surely all heading there at some point or another and could use the pointers.
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 3:06 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


The name 'prison wine' makes it sound so delicious. Having smelt the lovely eau d'goal, I can only imagine what this must taste like (rancid horse piss mixed with anti-freeze).
posted by chuckdarwin at 3:15 AM on December 11, 2008


Sorry, eau d'gaol.
posted by chuckdarwin at 3:16 AM on December 11, 2008


If I were going to prison, I think I'd prefer a shank making howto.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:21 AM on December 11, 2008


Insert obligatory prison grape reference.
posted by davemee at 3:28 AM on December 11, 2008 [13 favorites]


How fortuitous that this should appear on the internet! With the economy as it is,
I was in need of a substitute for hot toddys. Good show!
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:50 AM on December 11, 2008


If I were going to prison, I think I'd prefer a shank making howto.

Ta-da!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:56 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Scruffy: Prison's not so bad. You can make sangria in the terlit. Of course, it's shank or be shanked.
Amy: (crying) Of course!

Seems it's the same in the far-flung futur(ama).
posted by explosion at 3:58 AM on December 11, 2008


Another guide, from The Sneeze.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:15 AM on December 11, 2008 [3 favorites]


Previously.
posted by mrmojoflying at 4:22 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Make art, not plonk.
posted by orange swan at 4:44 AM on December 11, 2008


soundofsuburbia beat me to the link, which is from their old series Steve Don't Eat It (itself a good browse-through).
posted by JHarris at 4:46 AM on December 11, 2008


If you're not in prison, you can actually make pretty decent wine-cider-stuff with 2lb of sugar per 5 gallons of apple juice. Ferment it with wine yeast, though, or you'll be sorry. Comes out very dry, a little tart, and about 9% abv; only takes a month or so. Supposedly it gets better with age, but who's got time to age hooch?
posted by uncleozzy at 4:52 AM on December 11, 2008


uncleozzy

Five gallons? Pfft. Amateur. My dad buys an 45 gallon barrel of apple juice for £90 each autumn, adds a bit of sugar and come autumn has far more cider than is good for him.
posted by fatfrank at 5:10 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


dammit

by easter, not autumn. Instantaneous cider it is not
posted by fatfrank at 5:13 AM on December 11, 2008


Man, if I had room for a 45-gallon barrel of juice, I'd probably need a new liver.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:35 AM on December 11, 2008


To be fair, he normally throws a couple of gallons away when it gets to the end of its life.

Rather alarmingly, one year he tipped the nearly finished barrel out on the back lawn and turned a large area of grass black.
posted by fatfrank at 5:41 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Part II: actually making shit from Shinola.
posted by mandal at 5:45 AM on December 11, 2008 [2 favorites]


If you're that desperate to get fucked up and then feel ill, why not just spin in circles in your cell until you fall down?
posted by hermitosis at 6:40 AM on December 11, 2008 [3 favorites]


> Another guide, from The Sneeze.

I came in here just to see if this was linked. I love Steve Don't Eat It!.
posted by xbonesgt at 6:46 AM on December 11, 2008


God, I miss the Black Table.

I'd hate to say it, but those guys really knew how to do snark.
posted by Afroblanco at 6:47 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Smells like grandma!
posted by bayliss at 7:00 AM on December 11, 2008


I once knew some people who wanted to make mead, but thought just honey was boring, so they threw in some strawberry jam and peanut butter. Wild Squirrel. Drank it chilled to the max with dry ice.

Nope, I don't miss it a bit.
posted by maudlin at 9:14 AM on December 11, 2008


If you're that desperate to get fucked up and then feel ill, why not just spin in circles in your cell until you fall down?

Spinning around until you fall down doesn't come with an increased sense of self-awesomeness.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:40 AM on December 11, 2008 [2 favorites]


I thought you were supposed to toss a yeasty dirty sock in there to aid fermentation.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:46 AM on December 11, 2008


Anthony: "I would drink this in prison."

Steve: "I would drink this in high school!"

posted by EarBucket at 9:49 AM on December 11, 2008


Wow, I haven't read this site since, oh, 2003 or so...it's been so long, I can't remember. It's still online?
posted by Chuffy at 11:09 AM on December 11, 2008


I don't think it's published anything new since 2004 (wait, just checked...2006).
posted by ejaned8 at 11:33 AM on December 11, 2008


How to make meth out of puked-up matchbooks and shoelaces.
posted by alexwoods at 1:38 PM on December 11, 2008 [3 favorites]


Wow, I found this exact link years ago... and we always planned to make it and test it on some unsuspecting sod, and never had the initiative to actually do it. Eventually we forgot and I lost the link...

I wonder if I can still find those kids from high school...
posted by Kimothy at 8:32 PM on December 11, 2008


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