"Let's go to Africa and elope!" "Okay!"
January 6, 2009 11:43 PM   Subscribe

Two German kids attempt to head to Africa and elope, bringing one's sister with them. They're five and six.
posted by divabat (58 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
ARGH. Pressed "submit" too early, and I fixed what should be "five" TWICE.

But the utter cuteness makes up for it.
posted by divabat at 11:43 PM on January 6, 2009


Actually, weren't they six and seven? And they brought along a five year old sister?
posted by miss lynnster at 11:47 PM on January 6, 2009


And the Lilo; don't forget the Lilo.
posted by tracicle at 11:49 PM on January 6, 2009


I assumed that fix meant five and a half. =)
posted by Xere at 11:53 PM on January 6, 2009


Wait a minute...Nikki Sixx maried Jim Fixx in Germany? Oh, well, consenting adults, kids today, get off my lawn, etc...
posted by jonmc at 12:13 AM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]


Solitude

I have a house where I go
When there's too many people,
I have a house where I go
Where no one can be;
I have a house where I go,
Where nobody ever says "No";
Where no one says anything- so
There is no one but me.

Now We Are Six, by A A Milne
posted by vac2003 at 12:35 AM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]


Cute story. I imagine their honeymoon will be spent actually doing the things a lot of adults would assume honeymooners use euphemistically:

Kid: "We watched a stimulating show, played some games, I ate her pie, and then we bounced on the bed for hours."

Adult: "I bet, I bet! Nudge, nudge, wink wink!"

Kid: "What are you talking about? We watched Home Alone VII, played some Candyland, I stole her apple fritter, and then we jumped on the bed until the manager came and told us to cut it out."
posted by maxwelton at 12:53 AM on January 7, 2009 [5 favorites]


Mika said: "We wanted to take the train to the airport, then we wanted to get on a plane and when we arrived we wanted to unpack the summer things and then we wanted to go for a bit of a stroll in the sun."

This is classic. How freakin' jfbhboqhubvhfbclohwbv speechlessly cute is this?!
posted by MsCoco@6:58 at 1:54 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Actually, weren't they six and seven?

It was their parents who were at sixes and sevens.

Hello, mom? We're in... where is it again? Zim... ba... bwe. In our bathing suits. And the man here says we need 10656967331 Zimbabwe dollars if we want to fly home. Yes, 10656967331 Zimbabwe dollars. In cash.

By the way, we're married.
posted by pracowity at 1:56 AM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]


I am trying to remember the last time I really wanted to be married...

Oh yeah! It was when I was 6!
posted by MsCoco@6:58 at 2:08 AM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


Dang, this makes my kindergarter wedding (complete with $0.25 rings from the machines at Cici's!) seem so drab in comparison.

He kissed me on the cheek and being the uniformed 6 year old I was, I went home and told my dad I was pregnant.
posted by internet!Hannah at 2:21 AM on January 7, 2009 [13 favorites]


I find it compelling that the British word for air mattress is the US word for Lindsay Lohan.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:33 AM on January 7, 2009


I find it compelling that the British word for air mattress is the US word for Lindsay Lohan.

Punt?

Oh wait, no; that's a small boat isn't it...

posted by From Bklyn at 3:33 AM on January 7, 2009


I had two proposals in kindergarten. Five-year-olds are such romantics.
posted by orange swan at 3:46 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


And what is a "Lilo?"
posted by From Bklyn at 3:50 AM on January 7, 2009


teh-heh they misspelled Hannover.
posted by krautland at 4:15 AM on January 7, 2009


I'm not having kids, and I can go on anti kids rants. But stories like this remind me of the good things of being a child. That when you are six and in love and you wish to be married in Africa, because it is warm in Africa, you pack your bags and go. You remember to pack your bathing suit. You know you will need a witness and bring your seven year old sister along. You have no money or passports but you don't see what that has to do with riding a train and a plane to Africa. Where it is warm and where you are to be married, because you are in love. Kid logic can so cool and sweet.
posted by Ruby Stevens at 4:34 AM on January 7, 2009 [26 favorites]


Lilos
posted by Phanx at 4:41 AM on January 7, 2009


In other news: 5 year old African attempts daring escape to Germany to avoid arranged marriage.
posted by Pollomacho at 4:50 AM on January 7, 2009 [11 favorites]


I just love the shrugging, "we didn't tell our parents because we didn't think we'd be gone long."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:06 AM on January 7, 2009


This? I thought maybe it was some kind of joke site, until I scrolled down. Thanks. Twice.
posted by From Bklyn at 5:16 AM on January 7, 2009


Because I used to work for Disney Toys, I automatically just assumed Lilo meant something like this. And not a "a fortification consisting of pits and stakes." Which seems a smidgen less easy for small children to pack in a suitcase. But I could be incorrect. What do I know. I mean, these kids today and their fortified stake pits...!
posted by miss lynnster at 5:56 AM on January 7, 2009


And what is a "Lilo?"

It's something that your parents refuse to buy for you in Spanish seaside resorts because you'll be washed out to see. Then, twenty years later, you have to physically restrain your parents from buying for your own kids in case they're washed out to sea.
posted by vbfg at 5:56 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Okay, then I must be wrong too. Cuz I thought it was a crappy Disney plush doll made in Asia. But those aren't known to drown children. That I know of. Again, I could be wrong.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:59 AM on January 7, 2009


OHHHHHH, okay. I get it now. And the comment above about Lindsay Lohan. And that on the page that went on about fortifications of pits and stakes, if I'd have scrolled down lower I'd have seen air mattresses. Aaaand that when it's 5:30am and I have insomnia I shouldn't be posting comments.

Still, I love learning new slang words.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:02 AM on January 7, 2009


To allay their disappointment at being caught, Hanover police gave them a tour of the police headquarters.

That'll straighten these no good kids out.
posted by Paid In Full at 6:11 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Sorry, should have linked to a picture first or at least suggested scrolling past the pits and stakes.
posted by Phanx at 6:20 AM on January 7, 2009


"and we would have done it if it weren't for you meddling grown ups!"
posted by doobiedoo at 6:47 AM on January 7, 2009


Adorable moppets are adorable.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:56 AM on January 7, 2009


Punt? Oh wait, no; that's a small boat isn't it...

A joke my father told: Lewis and Clark send a messenger back to Washington with a request for "five canoes, and five punts."

An answer comes back, "The women are on their way, but what's a panoe?"

(My father was never all that funny.)
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:01 AM on January 7, 2009


Dangerous, and cute as hell!
posted by Flex1970 at 7:29 AM on January 7, 2009


Adorable moppets are adorable.

Why yes, they are. My three and a half year old (at his wedding -- totally unprompted by adults, I might add) especially. His wife, an ever-demanding younger woman, insisted on her sister as officiant and his eighteen-month old brother as a witness. And, of course, a kiss. He chose to get married in butterfly wings and a hoodie. I would have been well served by doing the same at my wedding -- my pictures look much less cute.
posted by The Bellman at 7:39 AM on January 7, 2009 [13 favorites]


It's a seems bit odd that the UK paper would title this "German Lovers." In America (I don't know about other places) we would refer to someone as our lover only if we had, in fact, made love to that person. I doubt these two have had sex. An American paper would probably choose to refer to them as "German Children" or "German Friends."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:41 AM on January 7, 2009


Does this remind anybody of that movie, A Little Romance?
posted by jonp72 at 7:45 AM on January 7, 2009


It's a seems bit odd that the UK paper would title this "German Lovers." In America (I don't know about other places) we would refer to someone as our lover only if we had, in fact, made love to that person. I doubt these two have had sex. An American paper would probably choose to refer to them as "German Children" or "German Friends."

It's possibly one of the many areas where the English care less about English usage than Americans do, even though we reserve the right to lecture you on it when the fancy takes us.

Exhibit A:

vbfg: you'll be washed out to see
posted by vbfg at 7:53 AM on January 7, 2009


"Lovers" can very well be two people in love, not simply those who make love.
posted by idiomatika at 7:56 AM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]


This is because of gay marriage, isn't it.
posted by rusty at 7:59 AM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]


To allay their disappointment at being caught, Hanover police gave them a tour of the police headquarters. Jureczko said: "They'll have the chance to put their plan into action at a later date".

Which will be next Thursday. Look for your invite in the mail, care of the Hanover Police Department. I was at the bachelor party, and let me tell you, Mika is a mean ass drunk.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:01 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


"Lovers" can very well be two people in love, not simply those who make love.

Not here in the States. You wouldn't tell your parents or friends, "This is Joe, my lover" unless you had had sex. Calling someone your "lover" or other people "lovers" definitely has sexual overtones.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:08 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


I can't get my head round this. When I was six boys were just the other humans in the class that had all the Garbage Pail Kids that I wanted and wasn't allowed. Even the faintest notion of love or marriage (even a six year olds' concept of such things) with one of these creatures simply wouldn't have entered my mind.

Mind you, it was still the same was when I was sixteen, so what do I know?
posted by Acarpous at 8:24 AM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


I guess I was about seven when I stuck a picture of Tuesday Weld on my bedroom wall, and kissed her every night before going to bed.
posted by Restless Day at 8:56 AM on January 7, 2009


Not here in the States. You wouldn't tell your parents or friends, "This is Joe, my lover" unless you had had sex.

Well, no, because "lovers" is a bit of a formal word. You also wouldn't tell your parents or friends, "This is Joe, my beloved." Context, man. Context!
posted by katillathehun at 9:10 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


As far as wedding planning goes, this is one of the best ideas I've ever seen.
posted by medea42 at 9:10 AM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


I agree with idiomatika, but I think the main point is that the small bump of incongruity you're experiencing, SLoG, derived from applying these grown-up terms inappropriately to children, is not a difference of usage -it's merely the Guardian's mild humour.
posted by Phanx at 9:14 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


And in America, sex offender charges would be filed, and the kids would both go into foster care while child Protective Services interrogate the parents. Not to mention at least one of them would be put in the sex offender registry.

I'm being sarcastic...I think.
posted by happyroach at 9:44 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


It's a seems bit odd that the UK paper would title this "German Lovers."

Maybe it's ironic. You know, because they're little kids but they're trying to act like adults, so that seeming incongruity is reflected in the title kind of thing?
posted by ob at 10:23 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Or what Phanx said. Damn I thought I read every comment.
posted by ob at 10:24 AM on January 7, 2009


I can go on anti kids rants.

Wow, I wish you would so I can bust out an anti-adult rant right back at you.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:34 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm in a mood (thanks National Panic Week!), so all I can think about is The Children's Crusade.


I think I'm going to lie face down on the couch until this passes.
posted by The Whelk at 12:58 PM on January 7, 2009


I would've liked to read how the children knew they were in love.
posted by droplet at 1:21 PM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


Am I the only one thinking it's really, really weird these parents (3 sets of parents! 3!) didn't notice their very young kids getting out of the house at dawn all alone? Love's great and kids are cute n' all, but hey. Come on.
posted by neblina_matinal at 2:49 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


OMFG, Bellman, MY OVARIES EXPLODED!
posted by liza at 3:16 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Well, no kids for you, then!
See what you've done, Bellman?!?
posted by miss lynnster at 4:36 PM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


For some reason, this makes sense to me. Where else besides Africa would you go to antelope?
posted by Caviar at 4:41 PM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


Let's get back to the lilo. If it was a stuffed Lilo, wouldn't it be capped? They're German - Germans love upper-case.

Is it really a thing like this, vbfg?

Also, what means "glute fundicular" and why do the Kashi people keep making their cereals sweeter and sweeter?

...and in other asides, hey The Bellman - that's a fine crew of moppets. They seem bright, too.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 8:44 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


That's the kind of thing.
posted by vbfg at 2:24 AM on January 8, 2009


Lesser Shrew: Never prouder of him than at that moment.
posted by The Bellman at 3:19 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


The lilo mystery is put to rest and we have a new US pres. Things are looking up. I can feel it in my glute fundicular.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:40 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


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