The 50 Most Loathsome People of 2008

January 12, 2009 1:49 PM

The Buffalo Beast's 50 Most Loathsome People of 2008.
posted by Pope Guilty (120 comments total)

# 1 is Mr. Service T. Unavailable
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:51 PM on January 12, 2009 [18 favorites]

That is incredibly and uniquely frustrating.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:52 PM on January 12, 2009

The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime or capacity problems. Please try again later.
posted by merelyglib at 1:52 PM on January 12, 2009

uh...I mean, what PA said.
posted by merelyglib at 1:53 PM on January 12, 2009

Did John McCain write the one about Barack Obama?
posted by orange swan at 1:55 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

I sit just me or does anybody figure that the authors of these lists are fairly loathesome themselves?
posted by jonmc at 1:58 PM on January 12, 2009 [13 favorites]

Year in and year out this is one of the funniest, most satisfying things to read. Thanks for posting it.
posted by vito90 at 2:00 PM on January 12, 2009

50-- jumbo shrimp!!! I mean who is nameing these things!!!
49- lorena bobbit
48- mr t
47- pogs
46- carphones
45- president reagan
44- the "super" nintendo...not so super when your brat is screaming for you to buy it...
43- instructions on shampoo bottles. (really? who doesn't know how to use sahmpoo)
42- Barney The Dinosaur. Nuff said
41- kerry strug
40- haveing 50 cable channels but nothing good is on!
39- saddam hussein
posted by Damn That Television at 2:01 PM on January 12, 2009 [28 favorites]

#51: the web server admin
posted by GuyZero at 2:01 PM on January 12, 2009 [6 favorites]

If you can't wait for the site to get unborked, Sarah Palin was #1.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:04 PM on January 12, 2009

It never fails -- whenever something goes down on Digg or Slashdot, it turns out that it's hosted by GoDaddy. No exception here, either. Sounds like buffalobeast needs to get some real hosting.
posted by crapmatic at 2:05 PM on January 12, 2009

Wow. That may have been funny or timely, if, in fact, it was either. Which it wasn't. Honestly, is that what passes for satire and/or criticism these days? Horrendously written.
posted by elendil71 at 2:07 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

I was happy to read that I was one of the 50 most loathsome people of 2008. I'm shooting for #1 this year!
posted by robtf3 at 2:10 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

I realize this article is intended to be humorous in a curmudgeonly way, but passing a sentence of "sickle-cell anemia" on Jeremiah Wright is maybe a wee bit tacky.
posted by baphomet at 2:20 PM on January 12, 2009 [3 favorites]

I was happy to read that I was one of the 50 most loathsome people of 2008.

Oh, you think you're so hot? In 2006 I was both one of the Beast's 50 most loathsome people and Time's Person of the Year. Beat that!
posted by Johnny Assay at 2:21 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Also, the link is a little wonky as noted, but reloading the page a few times seems to work.
posted by baphomet at 2:21 PM on January 12, 2009

Who or what is the "Buffalo Beast"? Kind of like the Onion, but not as funny?:
posted by KokuRyu at 2:23 PM on January 12, 2009

I thought Buffalo Beast was a character in one of the Silence of the Lambs sequels.
posted by exogenous at 2:25 PM on January 12, 2009

.
posted by fixedgear at 2:26 PM on January 12, 2009

I thought Buffalo Beast was a character in one of the Silence of the Lambs sequels.

It puts the loathsome in the basket...
posted by Joe Beese at 2:27 PM on January 12, 2009 [15 favorites]

I thought it was the new item on Chili's appetizer menu.
posted by jonmc at 2:28 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wasn't it a Neneh Cherry song?
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:29 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

but passing a sentence of "sickle-cell anemia" on Jeremiah Wright is maybe a wee bit tacky.

No they didn't! I know better, but I think that's hilarious. But then again, I'm a bad person.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:31 PM on January 12, 2009

Every year it's funny, and every year the genteel chickenshit handholders here cry about it because apparently it's not nice to make fun of the rich and evil.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:58 AM on December 29, 2007
posted by Optimus Chyme at 2:31 PM on January 12, 2009 [13 favorites]

Sorry, real mirror of mirror
posted by gcbv at 2:31 PM on January 12, 2009

> If you can't wait for the site to get unborked...

SPOILERS nnngh!
posted by ardgedee at 2:32 PM on January 12, 2009

I dunno. "You," made the list, but "Me" didn't, which kinda explains why even though I agree with most of the choices, I still find it obnoxious and stilted.
posted by jonmc at 2:36 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

I was #7.
posted by gman at 2:37 PM on January 12, 2009

This is really pointless and objectionable and I'll be back to read pages 4 and 5 when they are available.
posted by longsleeves at 2:39 PM on January 12, 2009

Link to single-page version of the list.
posted by ooga_booga at 2:41 PM on January 12, 2009

Every year this is one of my favorite year end lists. I was going to link to it but it wasn't working.
posted by zzazazz at 2:43 PM on January 12, 2009

Does Taibbi still have a hand in writing these lists?

(I have such mixed feelings about the Annual Buffalo Beast 50; often funny, usually appropriate, but I come away feeling bad about myself afterwards.)
posted by Auden at 2:44 PM on January 12, 2009

SPOILERS nnngh!

Come on. Uncertainty over whether Palin would top (bottom?) the list is like saying "I'm going to see Billy Elliot. Don't ruin it for me by divulging if he makes his dreams come true."
posted by Joe Beese at 2:46 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Archive of 50 most loathsome of 2007. And googling for "The Buffalo Beast's 50 Most Loathsome People of 2008" turns up the BoingBoing article, SomethingAwuful forum post (x2!), the stream.kaplak.com post, a Yelp post, and finally Buffalo Beast's main website, followed by the 2007 results. No google cache for you. But you're not missing too much.

On preview, thanks gcbv. I didn't understand the formatting for getting nyud.net to work.

The "Buffalo Beast" is kind of like the Onion, but replacing humor with a lot of anger. A lot. At a lot of people. And some bad artwork, too. The Onion has gotten quite fancy with the videos, mock-ups and graphics, so even if the jokes fall short, you can appreciate how much work was put into the set-up.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:48 PM on January 12, 2009

Billy Elliot? Is that a Billy Joel / Elliot Smith tribute band mocu-drama? If so, I'm there, spoilers be damned.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:50 PM on January 12, 2009

Oh, and each time I see mention made of this list I end up disappointed that it's not written by Bwana Beast.
posted by ooga_booga at 3:01 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

No Ron Paul? FAIL.
posted by Krrrlson at 3:12 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Around two-thirds of that list is pretty much unknown outside the US.

And we'd appreciate it if you'd keep it that way.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 3:16 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Every year it's funny, and every year the genteel chickenshit handholders here cry about it because apparently it's not nice to make fun of the rich and evil.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:58 AM on December 29, 2007

Oh SNAP! Preemptive Taste War!

Maybe people who enjoy that sort of thing are easily amused simpletons or something.

...aaaand SNAP! Return Volley Taste War!

Waiting for the obligatory Oprah, Bono and Madonna nominations.
posted by tkchrist at 3:21 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

40. Free Credit Report.com guy

Oh thank Christ, it's not just me after all.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:21 PM on January 12, 2009

Who or what is the "Buffalo Beast"?

It's a local paper that was started by Matt Taibbi, the Rolling Stone journalist and Bill Maher Show frequent guest. Here's the wikipedia.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 3:24 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Man, I was actually looking forward to someone posting this on MeFi so I could bask in the snark, but it appears that asking all you snarkers to snark about a snarky list results in some sort of snark singularity that manages to suck all of the humor out of the room. I'll check back later, hoping the source server's hittable (heh, save it) and that the rest of you bring the, ah, snark. In the interim, I'll be perusing the '07 post, ala Optimus Chyme. I go back to work tomorrow, folks. Don't let a brother down.
posted by joe lisboa at 3:24 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Any loathsome people list that has Ben Stein on it is a friend of mine. I may stop watching CBS's Sunday Morning because I'm tired of trying to find the remote when his face appears on my screen.
posted by tommasz at 3:29 PM on January 12, 2009

Man, the Joe the Plumber (20) description was spot on.

The Che Guevara of bald, pissed off white men. In a lot of ways, Samuel Wurzelbacher really does represent the average American—basing economic opinions on unrealistic expectations of personal future success, blaming his failure to meet those expectations on minorities and old people, complaining about deadbeats getting his taxes when he isn’t actually paying his taxes, and advertising his own rudimentary historical and mathematical ignorance by warning of creeping socialism in a country whose highest income tax rate has dropped by half in thirty years. “Joe” indeed symbolizes the true American dream—to become undeservedly rich and famous through a dizzyingly improbable stroke of luck. As American folk heroes go, Wurzelbacher ranks somewhere between Hulk Hogan and Bernie Goetz.

posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:32 PM on January 12, 2009 [19 favorites]

** Spoiler alert **

TOP TEN (in Letterman's voice):

10 Bernard Madoff
9 Phil Gramm
8 David Addington
7 Dick Cheney
6 Hank Paulson
5 Allen Greenspan
4 George Bush
3 Sean Hannity
2 John McCain
1 Sarah Palin
posted by Bort at 3:32 PM on January 12, 2009

#51 - The planning committee who failed to realize that, once again, their bandwidth would get pounded this year, just ike every previous year.

However, I like this list. While I'm not very media-savvy, I can recognize about 80% or more of the names on it, and so far I have found myself mostly nodding along. Especially Scalia, the only Supreme Court justice to earn scorn in a Lemony Snicket novel.
posted by adipocere at 3:33 PM on January 12, 2009

This list gets kind of old after you read a few entries, but I liked their description of Joe the Plumber:

The Che Guevara of bald, pissed off white men. In a lot of ways, Samuel Wurzelbacher really does represent the average American—basing economic opinions on unrealistic expectations of personal future success, blaming his failure to meet those expectations on minorities and old people, complaining about deadbeats getting his taxes when he isn’t actually paying his taxes, and advertising his own rudimentary historical and mathematical ignorance by warning of creeping socialism in a country whose highest income tax rate has dropped by half in thirty years.
posted by marxchivist at 3:34 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

40. Free Credit Report.com guy

I hated him at first, too. Then I realized he was a dead ringer for my co-worker Trevor (who's a nice kid)*, which made me soften my opinion of him somewhat. Me and a few other co-workers told Trev this, and he was somewhat baffled since he dosen't own a TV, which means he's probably on MeFi. In which case, hiya Trev and I'll be back at work soon hopefully, if the podiatrist says OK.

*Trev's a white kid raised in Hawaii by hippie parents. They had a native Hawaiian friend choose his middle name which has something like 35 letters and 10 apostrophes.
posted by jonmc at 3:38 PM on January 12, 2009

Your Least Favourite Person Is Actually Quite Nice And Just Misunderstood
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:40 PM on January 12, 2009

This list is useless without Chuck Klosterman. Christ, I hate that guy.
posted by sugarfish at 3:42 PM on January 12, 2009 [5 favorites]

Why do I never make this list?

What do I have to do? I'm already punching babies and firing cats out of guns! What more do you want from me BEAST?

Do I need to fire punched baby kittens out of a cannon? Is that it? Will that finally make me worthy?
posted by quin at 3:45 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

I love the list. It's tasteless, but when it nails folks, like it does Peggy Noonan, it really, really nails them:

Noonan feigned admiration for Sarah Palin until she got caught expressing her true opinion during an MSNBC commercial break, saying "it's over," and that McCain opted for “political bullshit about narratives.” Horrified at having her actual thoughts revealed and not the “graceful” bullshit she feeds her readers, Noonan scrambled to spin the extemporization, but eventually admitted Palin’s selection represented a “vulgarization” of politics, as if that was something new. She loved Bush when America did, and hated him when America did, and pretended she’d felt that way all along. An opinion columnist is supposed to express her opinion, not ours. Noonan is still writing speeches, but her vanity is her only client.

Just perfect. Succinct, scathing and dead on target. And I never knew about the dead intern found in Joe Scarborough's congressional office. Worth a Google, that is.
posted by mediareport at 3:48 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

503 for me.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:52 PM on January 12, 2009

This list is useless without Chuck Klosterman. Christ, I hate that guy.

I've met him. You'd like him.
posted by jonmc at 3:56 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Alleluia! Ann Coulter has gone away!
posted by washburn at 4:13 PM on January 12, 2009

> Come on. Uncertainty over whether Palin would top (bottom?) the list is like saying "I'm going to see Billy Elliot. Don't ruin it for me by divulging if he makes his dreams come true."

Maybe so, but it's disappointing nonetheless. I'd be apt to pick people like Phil Gramm, Henry Paulson, and David Addington above her, given their respective successes at royally fucking things up fundamentally in this country.

Palin is just...I mean, it's like picking 'that guy down the street who beats his wife.' Yeah, he sucks, but he's not in the same league. In an objective assessment, Palin would end up back on par with Joe the Plumber.
posted by Brak at 4:14 PM on January 12, 2009

Is there any business model in 2009 that supports the use of a go-daddy type, cheapo "web host," especially if you're hoping for a bunch of page views? Jeebus.
posted by maxwelton at 4:16 PM on January 12, 2009

Did they list Tina Brown for infringing their trademark?
posted by delmoi at 4:24 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus."

Mostly lame, but I liked that part.
posted by dammitjim at 4:25 PM on January 12, 2009

This list is useless without Chuck Klosterman. Christ, I hate that guy.

I've met him. You'd like him.


I wouldn't. Not until he apologized for every goddam thing he's ever written about music.
posted by lumpenprole at 4:27 PM on January 12, 2009

Jesus, the authors irritate me even when I agree with them.
posted by middleclasstool at 4:28 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

I agree with Middle Class Tool. This year's list is pandering to the progress-o-sphere in a feelgood way that suggests its anonymous scribes are trying too hard to come off like widely-adulated Beast alum Matt Taibbi. I remember past lists being better.
posted by Kirklander at 4:52 PM on January 12, 2009

the progress-o-sphere

that'd be the big ball full of soup, right?
posted by jonmc at 4:59 PM on January 12, 2009 [4 favorites]

The last three words in *#43: You* are "You are American". What? I didn't make the grade?

I call shenannigans and would not be at all surprised if the writers are exceptionalist shills, non-ipod owners and alleged badger fingerers.
posted by Sparx at 5:00 PM on January 12, 2009

I love this list, every year now it does seem like a bit of a chore for them to write about mostly the same people, but they still do a respectable job of it. Also: Ann Coulter is finally completely irrelevant. But perhaps only because she's been outgunned in the loathsomeness department.
posted by Space Coyote at 5:01 PM on January 12, 2009

All 50 aren't Bush? I'm disappointed.
posted by Skorgu at 5:03 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

It would've been better if it were shorter. They included a number of people they had a gut distaste for (fine), didn't really know much about (still fine), but wrote about as though they did (less fine).
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 5:16 PM on January 12, 2009

26. Tila Tequila ... whose purported attraction to women has led to her rise as reality show oxygen thief

reality show oxygen thief.... hahaha. I like that one.

20. Joe the Plumber ... As American folk heroes go, Wurzelbacher ranks somewhere between Hulk Hogan and Bernie Goetz.

and that one, too, that one's good.
posted by Afroblanco at 5:30 PM on January 12, 2009

Wow, a Bo Jackson joke! Timely!
posted by Mister_A at 5:37 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's a hobby.
posted by jonmc at 5:47 PM on January 12, 2009

Bort writes "8 David Addington"

Funny. He was actually a student of my mom's back in high school. She said he was very smart but terribly arrogant and precocious. Said she never knew he'd grow up to be a weasel of such stature, although it was clear he'd be successful because of his brains and the fact that he worked his ass off. Still, intelligence and fortitude aren't enough to make a good human being.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:52 PM on January 12, 2009

8:54 EST, still down.

But I am probably not on the list again. Goddammit.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 5:55 PM on January 12, 2009

I liked this one. It's part of their schtick to have vapid dumbasses like Tila Tequila thrown in with vampiric war criminals like Dick Cheney, which is a bit jarring. But the list had more truely nefarious people on it this year, and the top ten was apt (with the exception of Hanity, who I think belongs in 11-20). I do wish they'd spend less time talking about physical appearences.
posted by Humanzee at 5:57 PM on January 12, 2009

Brak writes "Palin is just...I mean, it's like picking 'that guy down the street who beats his wife.' Yeah, he sucks, but he's not in the same league. In an objective assessment, Palin would end up back on par with Joe the Plumber."

She took the already toxic political discourse and attempted to pour her own brand of poison into it, when the country needed a way to come together. She completely screwed up whatever existed of McCain's campaign and tried to make it her own show. From her came Joe the Plumber. I mean, sure, not quite screwing things up on the world stage the way Bush, et al, did, but she became the face of the party for a while and stirred up some of its worst elements into a sort of frenzy, all the latent racism and misogyny, and then plays coy about the whole thing. What a tool. She almost got the most powerful job in the world, and the way she went about it was beyond bad taste, more like trying to take the country down the apocalyptic shit hole with her. She wanted it too bad, and she came way, way too close to getting it. We better watch out for her, no shit.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:01 PM on January 12, 2009 [5 favorites]

Humanzee writes "I liked this one. It's part of their schtick to have vapid dumbasses like Tila Tequila thrown in with vampiric war criminals like Dick Cheney, which is a bit jarring."

Nah. Dante's version of Hell is full of people he personally didn't like, as well as some truly evil historical characters. It was about the closest you could get to a Most Loathsome People list at the time.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:07 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

This was funny (for the most part). Thanks for the link.
posted by zardoz at 6:28 PM on January 12, 2009

I was really hoping for Jenny McCarthy.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 6:35 PM on January 12, 2009

Know who else was loathsome?
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:52 PM on January 12, 2009

I know us Canucks like to whinge about Harper, but surely in stating that a military trial of the (at the time underage) prisoner of war/illegal combatant Omar Khadr was A-OK, he deserves a place on this list, or one like it.

He has my vote, anyway.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:54 PM on January 12, 2009

turgid dahlia writes "Know who else was loathsome?"

Dane Cook?
posted by krinklyfig at 6:59 PM on January 12, 2009

Dane Cook?

Actually I was thinking more along the lines of every single person even tangentially related to the production and airing of the fatally repugnant Family Guy.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:04 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Full page version.
Hitting reload will bring it up eventually, but it's probably not worth it.
posted by mecran01 at 7:06 PM on January 12, 2009

That would be Seth McFarlane and I think one or two other people.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:07 PM on January 12, 2009

Wasn't it a Neneh Cherry song?

Well, that and a Malcolm McLaren song. Buffalo beast ..... go 'round the outside and dosey-so your partner!
posted by blucevalo at 7:16 PM on January 12, 2009

Yeah, I haven't liked McFarlane since Spawn.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:17 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

I was really hoping for Jenny McCarthy

I wish that site had a membership. With T-shirts. Oh, the contemptibly irresponsible horseshit that woman spews.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:26 PM on January 12, 2009

How the hell did Hannity beat out Bush?
posted by box at 7:32 PM on January 12, 2009

Yeah, I haven't liked McFarlane since Spawn.

Wait, you liked Spawn?
posted by loquacious at 7:33 PM on January 12, 2009

Wait, you liked Spawn?'

Yeah. What're you, some kind of racist?
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:53 PM on January 12, 2009

Whoops. MacFarlane.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:59 PM on January 12, 2009

I like this description of Updike:"Apparently immortal, always a mark of evil. "
Fits Cheney, too.

I like Updike, though. Yeah, he's a bit of an tool, but his writing is beautiful, when he can get his head out of his ass
posted by readery at 8:04 PM on January 12, 2009

Ohhhh! I felt like people were watching over my shoulder while I was reading it. Great list. It's just missing one person in the top five: God.
posted by Flex1970 at 8:07 PM on January 12, 2009

I always find this list cathartic, cos the people they pick for the most part truly are loathesome. And poetic justice is always a satisfying concept... But damn, it still won't load pages 4 / 5. I believe this is what they call an 'epic fail'
posted by jcruelty at 8:10 PM on January 12, 2009

All I can say is, thank God Ben Stein made this list.
posted by newdaddy at 8:46 PM on January 12, 2009

Spawn = Todd McFarlane, Family Guy = Seth McFarlane.
posted by baphomet at 8:52 PM on January 12, 2009

Todd is just Aramaic for Seth. Same dude.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:10 PM on January 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

This list is so failing so hard to be funny that it's actually improving my opinion of the people they're talking about.

I mean, they're right, most of these people are genuinely horrible, but this list, man. Not funny, not well written. They're trying too fucking hard. It's like they loaded a machine gun with vitriol, closed their eyes, and pulled the trigger.
posted by Caduceus at 9:29 PM on January 12, 2009

Pardon me.

This list so failing so...

Also, the Malkin entry wasn't bad, because they quite obviously stopped trying with all their might to be scathing and witty, and just wrote the damn thing.
posted by Caduceus at 9:34 PM on January 12, 2009

Not bad, though any list of this sort which doesn't include Fred Phelps until the day he is mercifully sent to hell* has... ahem... suspect credibility.

*I mean merciful for the rest of humanity. As for the "hell" part, while I trust that if there is any sort of God that Fred Phelps has a stall waiting for him in whatever sphere of punishment is available, I can't abide by those chances, and ask that any particularly saucy engineeers/inventors/scientists around here begin work post-haste on some machine which could keep his brain alive indefinitely after bodily death, and which would feed it nothing but pain and images of fiery torment. That may sound harsh, but it's harsh with a dose of darkly humorous irony, which makes it okay.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:36 PM on January 12, 2009

Spawn = Todd McFarlane, Family Guy = Seth McFarlane.

Ha. In my head that whole time I was thinking, "But I liked the first few seasons of Robot Chicken!"
posted by YoBananaBoy at 9:49 PM on January 12, 2009

I think including Obama as #50 was mostly a thrown bone. Overall, I liked the list, I liked it a lot.

For example, under 10. Bernard Madoff:
The real villains here are Christopher Cox and the SEC, who investigated Madoff eight times, the last time specifically on suspicion of running a Ponzi scheme, each time “finding” no wrongdoing, which begs the all-too-familiar question of the last eight years: Satanically corrupt or grossly incompetent? Either way, Madoff was finally brought to justice… by his kids.

How can someone read that and not seethe with anger? How can someone write it and not be boiling over?
posted by JHarris at 10:05 PM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Another one:
This time, it was Paulson, not Powell, holding up a vial of toxic mortgage backed securities, but the similarly election-panicked congressional reaction’s been the same—a panicked passage of whatever crazy late-term legislation the White House wants, namely Paulson’s 3-page “Gimme the money and go away” bill, plus $150 billion in anonymous pork, in one last massive federal theft on the way out the White House door, costing more than the entire U.S. space program for its 50 years of existence, even in inflation-adjusted dollars.

That's one sentence. And they say Joseph Heller shouted words onto the page.
posted by JHarris at 10:10 PM on January 12, 2009

Quite frankly, Stop All Monsters does this whole shtick much better.
posted by Caduceus at 10:20 PM on January 12, 2009

OK, the illustration of Joe Lieberman fucking a donkey made me LOL.
posted by mazola at 10:36 PM on January 12, 2009

... lionizing [Palin] as she used her baby as a Pro-life stage prop before crowds who cooed when they should have been hurling polonium-tipped javelins.

Best chemistry joke of the new year thus far.
posted by benzenedream at 11:15 PM on January 12, 2009

OK, the illustration of Joe Lieberman fucking a donkey made me LOL.

Me too. So did his sentence:

"Sentence: Lieberman awakes to find himself in the body of an impoverished Iraqi living in a small apartment with 12 family members and no electricity. Shocked by this inexplicable turn of events, he stumbles outside and cries to God, looking up just in time for the white phosphorous to hit him in the face."

This would be a good sentence for Bush, Cheney and McCain too.
posted by homunculus at 11:28 PM on January 12, 2009

What kind of person whould obsess enough to make such a list of already digested phenom. I could only get thu the 1st page.

Ultrasnark.

Im behind the Pres Elect.
cmon people
posted by celerystick at 11:35 PM on January 12, 2009

43. You

Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. You’re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from “The View.” You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.

Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.

Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.


Can't argue with that.

I don't like the ones where the writer insult people for their appearance. How they act is fair game, as is (although a greyer area) their looks due to cosmetic surgery (mostly because what's the value in pointing out how bad their surgery is? It's their face).
posted by Cantdosleepy at 1:43 AM on January 13, 2009

Somehow I knew that #1 and #2 would be who they are. I suppose that's why they are #1 and #2.
posted by SneakyArab at 6:20 AM on January 13, 2009

Wow, because of this borked server I have discovered the "Reload image" option in the Firefox 3.1 beta. How long has this been there? I never saw it before. But I figure reloading just the images that are not rendered, without asking for the rest of the page over and over and over, is a little bit nicer on the server than just hammering it repeatedly because I can't see that one cartoon.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:32 AM on January 13, 2009

Seriously, how the hell did Hannity beat out Bush? Isn't that like blaming the cheerleaders instead of the quarterback?
posted by box at 7:39 AM on January 13, 2009

Check out the list from 2002. Times change! I like the "aesthetic" section better than the "sentence" section that replaced it. Oh, and if you'd like to view a bloggish website that rarely strays from this style of writing, see http://exiledonline.com/
posted by telstar at 8:20 AM on January 13, 2009

This Google cache of the full list is accessible.

What gets me is that the list puts Barack Obama at #50 in an attempt to be all contrarian and bipartisan, but they completely forgot to put Harry Reid on the list. If you need some Democrats on your list beyond the obvious choices (Blagojevich, Rev. Wright, Kwame Kilpatrick), how can you forget Harry Reid? Nobody disappoints the Democratic rank-and-file like that man. It's like Harry Reid is the alcoholic dad, and America's Democratic voters are the children who will grow up permanently embittered.
posted by jonp72 at 8:27 AM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wow, this is serious amirite.
posted by DWRoelands at 9:49 AM on January 13, 2009

TOP TEN (in Letterman's voice):

You missed the voice. The list would go something like this:

Ho-kay. Top Ten Most Loathsome People of 2008. Loathsome, Paul. They're loathsome! ("Yes, loathsome.") We could have used any word we wanted but we chose loathsome! ("It's a good choice. Full of loathing.") And that's why we picked it. So drumroll please, Top Ten Most Loathsome People of 2008, here we go:

Number 10, Bernie Madoff!
Number 9, Phil Gramm, number 8, David Addington. Addington.
Number 7, Dick Cheney. You know, I think I've seen that name once or twice before. ("He's a favorite on the list, yes.") Must know somebody who works here.
Number 6! Hank Paulson. Hoo-hoo!
("I can guess the top 5 from here.")
You think you can, Paul?
("Sure.")
Then write your answers down, but no help from the audience, please.
("Okay, I'll just, I'll just write them down.")
Let me know when you're ready.
("I'm making my list now.")
Well, take your time. We wouldn't want to rush you.
Remember, you're looking for loathsome people. Loathsome.
("I'm done.")
Moving briskly along, then: Number 5, Alan Greenspan! How you doing so far, Paul?
("I lost.")
That Greenspan's a wily one!
("Yeah, he got me.")
Who was your Number 5?
("It... it doesn't matter.")
Anybody else noticed these lists just get longer and longer? Number 4: George Bush! One of them, anyway.
Number 3, Sean Hannity, another popular choice; number 2, John McCain!
...now, please, hold your applause until they have all been introduced. I swear, Paul, one of these days we're gonna enforce some rules around here. ("Gotta keep 'em in line.") Sure do.
Let's see, where were we... number 3, Sean Hannity, number 2, John McCain, and the Number One Most Loathsome Person of 2008: Sarah Palin!

[Throws card, glass crash]
posted by Spatch at 10:05 AM on January 13, 2009 [8 favorites]

Had to use the Google cache, but glad I could finally read it today...

Incredibly cathartic and almost totally correct on every charge.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:20 AM on January 13, 2009

I like how the site goes down around 9am ET. Everybody gets to the office and fires it up. Well, I guess my insurance premiums had to pay for something.
posted by telstar at 11:37 AM on January 13, 2009

Pretty funny. Too much alliteration though.

But -
“Sentence: Presiding over the decline of an exhausted empire”
&
“You”

Jesus, don’t people get tired of quitting? I’m so tired of hearing this “It’s all over for America now” bullshit. It’s over? Then f’ing quit already! Quit your job, go sleep under a bridge the rest of your life. Just give it up, we’re better off without this “we’ll never make it” Glum from Lilliput pessimism while trying to put people’s lives back together and making the world a better place to live.
Just go back to the couch and STFU if you can’t lead or follow.

“You” as far as I can see, are working 12 hour days putting food on the table and a roof over the head of family who maybe aren’t working, can’t get health care and are repeatedly being bitched at for being apathetic for using the 1/2 hour of down time you have between your part time jobs after you’ve fed the kids and kept your demented gramma from walking the streets without a coat in below zero weather to have a cookie and a smoke and jerk off for ten minutes in what is the highlight of your day before you catch 5 hours of sleep - if you’re lucky enough to be working that is.

More people in jail? Damned right, at least you get three meals a day and have a roof over your head instead of being labeled an ex-con and can’t even get a job digging ditches or washing dishes in this economy and have to pull your own rotten teeth out with pliers.

Of course we’re shallow, who’s got time to sit and really think?
Inconsiderate? Sure doesn’t sound like you’ve got my back there either, pal.
Afraid? Damned right, anyone who’s got any sense is scared shitless.
Brand-conscious? It’s the most ubiquitous form of media in the world - say, what is it that powers your web site there buddy?

Sedentary? I don’t know anyone who’s got energy to hit the gym after working three part time jobs every day and taking care of their kids there muscles.

Self-obsessed? Come out from behind the camera and step into this mud and shit and strive with us then asshole. Oh, that’s right, it’s cool to keep saying it’s all over. Wouldn’t want to soil your hip with gritty reality.

Pissing on people from a height has long been a world sport. Since there were castles. Pages made fun of the surfs back then too.

“Me”? Sure, I’m better off than “You.” I’ve got time to work out, keep my eyes open, see through the lies, be involved, and sure, I’m frustrated and pissed off too. Difference is I haven’t quit anyone.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:35 PM on January 13, 2009

Smedleyman: To be fair, I'm pretty sure the folks at the Beast distinguish between the "American Empire" which they are rooting to fail, and America itself. Many people would say that the fall of the British Empire was the best thing that ever happened to the UK (and yes, I realize there are major differences between the two). I've been reading the Beast for awhile now, and it's pretty clear that most if not all of them are dirt poor college-age kids; they regularly cover social justice angles. It's just that they adopt an extreme persona for entertainment purposes. Example.
posted by Humanzee at 5:30 PM on January 13, 2009

Fair enough Humanzee. But I have seen the general idea elsewhere. This whole 'attack joe american' thing. Some folks have to get out from behind their desks. All I see is hard working people trying to keep it together and maybe hit one movie in six months or a year.

If their schtick is what you're saying it is - ok. Hell, I'd be the first one to decry empire. But it really only serves the rich bastards far as I can see. It's not like those guys aren't blowing a lot of smoke to cover their tracks. I pay pretty close attention to current events and I'm hard pressed to have an informed opinion on most things.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:09 PM on January 13, 2009