RockyRoad to Fascism

January 12, 2009 1:16 PM

To celebrate the Inauguration, Ben and Jerry's has issued a new ice cream flavor, Yes, PeCan, with profits donated to the Common Cause Education Fund. There's a Reddit thread for suggestions for flavors commemorating Bush/Cheney.

Yes, I linked to Reddit. On the front page. Because it really made me laugh, and cry a little.

posted by theora55 (114 comments total)

Yes PahCahn!
posted by stavrogin at 1:21 PM on January 12 [8 favorites]

I think it's an older flavor they renamed, sort of like "Goodbye England's Rose" is "Goodbye Norma Jean" and that song Eric Clapton did about his dead son is "Yes, You Look wonderful Tonight."
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:26 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

"If [Bush] were an ice cream, he'd be prailines... and DICK."

--fixed that for Garth
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:29 PM on January 12 [4 favorites]

WatermelonBoard?
posted by Joe Beese at 1:33 PM on January 12 [3 favorites]

Ben and Jerry's has issued a new ice cream flavor, Yes, PeCan

I prefer Baracky Road.
posted by jonmc at 1:34 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

But it's pronounced puh-CAHN, so....
posted by Night_owl at 1:34 PM on January 12

A pee can is something a truck driver uses.
posted by fixedgear at 1:37 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

More ice cream puns from MetaFilter, circa 2002. (in fact, this same week, seven years ago...hi jon!)
posted by ColdChef at 1:39 PM on January 12

Is this the place to point out that since Ben & Jerry's became Ben and Jerry's Homemade Holdings A UNILEVER BRAND, they've stopped making all the good flavors and come out with jack in the way of new stuff?

Remember Cool Britannia? Remember Rain Forest Crunch? Remember when B&J was so dense you had to let it thaw before you could get a spoon in your pint? Remember when the chunks of stuff were actually great big chunks of stuff?

It's just ice cream now. Good ice cream, sure. But no better than any other premium ice cream brand. Once there was Ben and Jerry's > Premium ice cream > ice cream. No more. I'm not trying to piss on the thread, seriously. It just makes me sad. I wish someone would start making ice cream like B&J used to be.

(Also, I vote for Pralines and Dick. You could totally get away with selling that and only a few people would get it.)
posted by rusty at 1:39 PM on January 12 [12 favorites]

Cheney Chocolate Tort(e)ure.
posted by scody at 1:40 PM on January 12

Oh man. It's just Butter Pecan? Nothing else? Lame.

I'll stick to Sixpoint Brewery's Hop Obama for my Barack-related consumption.

(Seriously, though, it's a massively enjoyable session beer, very hoppy, but not too high an ABV, you can drink it all night)
posted by Greg Nog at 1:41 PM on January 12

Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl
posted by brain_drain at 1:42 PM on January 12 [4 favorites]

For Cheney: Go Fudge Yourself.
posted by rocket88 at 1:42 PM on January 12 [6 favorites]

For Bush, it's gotta be "Heckuva Job Brownie."
posted by cerebus19 at 1:45 PM on January 12 [24 favorites]

Flunky Monkey.
posted by ericb at 1:47 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl

With Oreo chunks?
posted by Krrrlson at 1:47 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Christ, what a bunch of assholes... and cream.
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:51 PM on January 12 [7 favorites]

I think my favorite from that list is "Good Riddance You Lousy Motherfucker... Swirl", just the wonderfully controlled venom of it.
posted by Ruby Stevens at 1:53 PM on January 12 [4 favorites]

Some very clever ones on that thread:

ImPeachMint
WireTapioca
Nut'n Accomplished
Anchovy Fuckup Surprise
Housing Bubble Burst
Neandertholitan
Heckuva Job Brownie
Flunky Monkey

and the ever-popular:

Good Riddance You Lousy Motherfucker... Swirl
posted by kyrademon at 1:54 PM on January 12 [18 favorites]

Thank God Obama won, or we'd be stuck with Joe the Plum, That One, Olive M, and Icy Russia.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:56 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

Stolen from someone on twitter: "Cluster Fudge."

My letter to Ben & Jery's (Link takes you to my site.)
posted by cjorgensen at 1:57 PM on January 12 [3 favorites]

Valerie Plum.
posted by hifiparasol at 1:58 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

Pickled Toast.
posted by telstar at 2:07 PM on January 12

W Peanut Ration Surprise
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:13 PM on January 12

Cheney: Undisclosed Concoction.

Bush: Make the Pie Higher Clusterfuck.
posted by gompa at 2:18 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

On further examination, Make the Pie Higher ClusterFudge is probably even better.
posted by gompa at 2:20 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

This is my favorite thread on metafilter. Ever.
posted by jock@law at 2:37 PM on January 12

Crawford Road Apple Cobbler
posted by jim in austin at 2:39 PM on January 12

You missed "All of them".
posted by pompomtom at 2:40 PM on January 12

Threat Level Orange and Cream
posted by Alison at 2:41 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Yes PahCahn!

When I hear people say "PehCahn", it sounds like they're trying to sound their utter snootiest, with the sort of accent reserved for impersonating Ivy League graduates.

"Why yes, I did go to Hahvard. Would you pass the peCAHNs and poTAHto chips?"

Yes Pecan!
posted by explosion at 2:42 PM on January 12 [4 favorites]

The Audacity of Cantaloupe.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:48 PM on January 12 [8 favorites]

The US is the leading producer of pecans and Texas is the leading state and it is and always has been PUH-CAHN down here. Now you know better...
posted by jim in austin at 2:49 PM on January 12

Seriously, pecan growers in rural Georgia pronounce it 'pee-can'. It's not a pronunciation reserved for the ivy league.
posted by Alison at 2:50 PM on January 12

When I hear people say "PehCahn", I want some.

So tasty.
posted by longsleeves at 2:50 PM on January 12

I do not recognize Texas as one of the 49 United States.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:50 PM on January 12 [3 favorites]

It’s so unlike corporate front men to cash in on pop culture like this.
But I gotta say, if there’s one way to really stick it to the Bush administration, it’s through ice cream. Man, they’re gonna see that and just freak out.
Ahh, it’s nice they’re donating money. I don’t eat a lot of ice cream so perhaps I’m just a sour bastard.

Mintunderestimated
Heh Heh Heh Heath
Choke On This You Bastard (with pretzels)
posted by Smedleyman at 2:56 PM on January 12 [5 favorites]

Strawberry Short Sale
Chocolate Fondue You Still Have a Job
Laissez-Faireberry Death Spiral

sorry
posted by melissa may at 2:56 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

I actually really like "Cluster Fudge". Probably because it actually sounds kind of delicious. And "Chock 'n Awe." in similar vein.

Also, Iraqi Road. Nice and subtle.

Oh and "Anchovy Fuckup Surprise"
posted by delmoi at 2:56 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

Flavor for Bush: "Worst peppermint ever."
posted by longsleeves at 3:00 PM on January 12 [13 favorites]

When I hear people say "PehCahn", it sounds like they're trying to sound their utter snootiest, with the sort of accent reserved for impersonating Ivy League graduates.

Pahcahn pah is sooo muhch behtah weeeh mah fahcy ahcehnt. ah-hawnh-hawnh-hawnh. That's really a dumb assumption, though. Like accusing someone of being uppity because they use "pop" instead of "soda". It's just a regional pronunciation.
posted by stavrogin at 3:01 PM on January 12

Is this the place to point out that since Ben & Jerry's became Ben and Jerry's Homemade Holdings A UNILEVER BRAND, they've stopped making all the good flavors and come out with jack in the way of new stuff?

They never stopped making Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch, and they started making Americone Dream, so I'll go with "no."
posted by dw at 3:01 PM on January 12

When I hear people say "PehCahn", it sounds like they're trying to sound their utter snootiest, with the sort of accent reserved for impersonating Ivy League graduates.

When I heard people say "PEEcan" it's sounds like they ARE snooty Ivy League graduates.
posted by dw at 3:04 PM on January 12

flavors commemorating Bush/Cheney

Two politicians, one cup.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:06 PM on January 12 [7 favorites]

During The Period Between 2000 and 2008, The United States Suffered The Broadest And Deadliest Attack Ever To Occur On American Soil, Lost The Better Part Of A Major City To Hurricane Damage, Saw The Authority Of Its 200-Year-Old Constitution Gradually Ceded To The Executive Branch, Nearly Privatized Social Security, Experienced Levels Of Voter Suppression And Disenfranchisement Unseen Since Jim Crow, Became Involved In Two Middle East Quagmires That Cost The Lives Of Thousands Of Americans And Untold Iraqis And Afghans, And Was Nearly Rendered A Fourth-Rate Power By An Economic Upheaval That Rivaled The Great Depression Crunch.
posted by hifiparasol at 3:07 PM on January 12 [28 favorites]

Fare Thee Fucking Well Fudge
posted by jim in austin at 3:19 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

When I heard people say "PEEcan" it's sounds like they ARE snooty Ivy League graduates.

That's flabbergasting. Never in a million years* would I have guessed that. (*guessing, say, daily) Thank you Muhtafilter.
posted by ~ at 3:23 PM on January 12

Colossal Failure.

No, I don't know what it would taste like.
posted by odinsdream at 3:24 PM on January 12

Dick Cheney : "undisclosed flavor"
posted by boo_radley at 3:24 PM on January 12 [4 favorites]

Cheney's "Lightly Peppered Whittington Bits"
posted by otolith at 3:31 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: Your favorite ice cream dudes sold out.

I have a picture of little Filthy Light Thief and brother with Ben (or Jerry, never knew one from the other) when we were in Vermont for vacation. There I bought a beenie cap, and wore it with the joy of a slightly geeky 10-year-old. Then we went to Canada, where a bunch of French-Canadian kids laughed at me.

This is nothing to do with flavors. It is just a story. The end.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:33 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Is it PEE-troleum? Or PEE-destrians? How about PEE-ruse? No? Well, if ain't PEE-can either!
posted by jim in austin at 3:33 PM on January 12

If it's going to be named after Bush and Cheney, no matter what it is, it should be called
The Aristocrats!
posted by PlusDistance at 3:34 PM on January 12 [6 favorites]

They never stopped making Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch

They did so stop making it, you boys.

They just didn't stop using the name for their new pseudo-ice-cream full of guar gum and carrageenan and all that shit.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:34 PM on January 12

Ben & Jerry's has always used guar gum, which is why I always like the (politically incorrect & silly-named) Häagen-Dazs better. But B&J's has the best flavors.
posted by theora55 at 3:38 PM on January 12

"The Aristocrats!"

HAR! For those who aren't familiar with the joke: link
posted by jim in austin at 3:43 PM on January 12

Mintunderestimated

Win!
posted by gurple at 4:01 PM on January 12

Maple Troops Out
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 4:06 PM on January 12

Is it PEE-troleum? Or PEE-destrians? How about PEE-ruse?

Well now, that's a tough one, I'll have to run and ask my friend Peter.
posted by mannequito at 4:20 PM on January 12 [5 favorites]

Pfft. Guar gum? Why not step up to GWAR GUM? It's more rare, but some hardcore Indian traders carry it, like the krishna trading company (who also carry gwar seed!) and Deepak Sugar Suppliers. Apparently, use of gwar gum is tied to a hole in the ozone over Antarctica.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:28 PM on January 12

Is it PEE-troleum? Or PEE-destrians? How about PEE-ruse? No? Well, if ain't PEE-can either!

You're just missing the point. The major difference in pronunciation is in the last syllable, not the first: "peCAN" versus "peCON."

So, to put it as you did: Is that bird a tou-CON? Is your nationality Ameri-CON? How's your friend Dun-CON? So yeah, it's not "pe-CON" either!
posted by explosion at 4:33 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

I'm torn between "GRYLMFer... Swirl" and "Heckuva Job Brownie"
posted by empath at 4:36 PM on January 12

I do not recognize Texas as one of the 49 United States.

It's okay -- these days we can hardly recognize ourselves. I drive past the LBJ ranch all the time, and when I do, just sort of mutter "what happened?"
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:47 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Ben & Jerry's stopped making Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough in the mid-90s and I've never forgiven them. Best flavor ever invented.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:49 PM on January 12

Arrogant-psychotic-murdering-thieving-pillaging-pathetic-scum-liar-swirl.

I do not recognize Texas as one of the 49 United States.
posted by Greg Nog at 4:50 PM

I agree with you completely on this, Greg Nog -- it's far superior to any of them.

Don't believe everything you read, or see on television. Bush is not a Texan -- far from it. It's a pose. And yeah, he has been embraced by many who live here, that's true. But he's been embraced by many throughout the entire country.

Both Reagan and Nixon came out of California. Does that meant that California sucks? Well, of course, California does suck, in some ways, as does Texas, in some ways. But don't you go judging an entire populace upon the actions or attitudes of some who reside there.
posted by dancestoblue at 5:00 PM on January 12

Bring ‘em On blood swirl (with real soldier and insurgent chunks - label is Lyndie England pointing to your genitals)

Enhanced interrogatopia (forces itself down your throat and nasal cavities - enhanced with fingernails and cigarette butts)
posted by Smedleyman at 5:08 PM on January 12

“The Audacity of Cantaloupe.”

An Obama flavor? Huh. I’d’ve thought Christopher Walken flavor. If only to hear him pitch it:

Do you enjoy eating ice cream? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love it. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-opened carton of “The Audacity of Cantaloupe” ice cream.

Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

I would like emphasize once again that I really like to eat “The Audacity of Cantaloupe.” If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a fuckin’ bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like cantaloupe ice cream.
My name is Christopher Walken and I’m speaking on behalf of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. You tell the angels in heaven you never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you, if you don’t eat this fuckin’ ice cream.
Thank you.
( etc )
posted by Smedleyman at 5:23 PM on January 12 [10 favorites]

red rum and razin'
posted by phoque at 5:30 PM on January 12

According to Wikipedia:

"Pecan" is from an Algonquian word, meaning a nut requiring a stone to crack.[14] The pronunciation of pecan is a source of friendly dispute among aficionados. Some people say [pə.ˈkɑn], while others say [ˈpiː.kæn].

Most Southerners pronounce the word as "peh-kahn". Since Spanish explorers were the first Westerners to discover this nut, in the 1600s, the word may have well taken on this pronunciation from the Spanish vowels (e=eh, a=ah). This pronunciation would have been prevalent in the New Orleans, La. area with its heavy Spanish/French populations.
posted by jim in austin at 5:35 PM on January 12

coke-nut ripple
posted by phoque at 5:42 PM on January 12

Apple Pie Ala Akbar
posted by spock at 5:45 PM on January 12

Abu Grape
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:01 PM on January 12 [5 favorites]

Guantanamocha
or maybe Gitmocha?
posted by orme at 6:12 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Dumbstick® The Original Sunday Clone®
posted by phoque at 6:34 PM on January 12

I think they should just revive their 1989 flavor economic crunch
posted by Pseudology at 6:41 PM on January 12

Neopolitan Complex.
posted by Benjy at 6:43 PM on January 12

War on Terra-misu.
posted by Benjy at 6:44 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Yankee Doofus Dandy.
posted by Benjy at 6:47 PM on January 12

ComPassion Fruity Conservative
posted by spock at 6:51 PM on January 12

Puppy
(Dick Cheney only)
posted by PlusDistance at 6:58 PM on January 12 [2 favorites]

You are all taking the wrong approach. While these titles are cute, they sound appetizing. That is not what we want. Here's the flavor that best sums up the Bush years to me:

Shit, with chunks of more shit.

Available only in two-gallon containers, and you have to eat it all at one sitting. And if you don't eat it all and ask for more, you're unpatriotic.
posted by me & my monkey at 7:06 PM on January 12 [5 favorites]

You're all wrong; the cool kids pronounce it "pickin," as in "pickin' and grinnin'."
posted by uncleozzy at 7:10 PM on January 12

Pastry-ot Act
posted by Balisong at 7:34 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

No Fudge For Oil
posted by Balisong at 7:38 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Dum-Dums and Ding-Dongs
posted by Balisong at 7:40 PM on January 12

Freedom Vanilla Reality Based Sorbet
posted by hortense at 7:59 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

From my roommate: No Cherry Left Behind
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:00 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

I-raqi Road...with Your Cashews, Cherry-picked intelligence and creamy dark-side Chocolate.

It only tastes criminal!

OK that was fun
posted by Bokononist at 8:07 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

McCain/Praline 08!
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:12 PM on January 12 [3 favorites]

I hate pecans. So sad.
posted by rokusan at 8:12 PM on January 12

Berry Schiavo- 0 calories, as long as you keep that stupid 'LIFE' sticker over your mouth
posted by maryh at 8:19 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]

Rum Raisin Deter-mint Fudge Stripe in the U.S.
posted by PlusDistance at 8:34 PM on January 12

Chocolate REDACTED Swirl
posted by Flunkie at 8:57 PM on January 12 [3 favorites]

Fare Thee Fucking Well Fudge

How about

Fudge To A Fare-Thee-Well

Which pretty well describes us at this point.
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:01 PM on January 12

Significant Quantities of Fudge from Africa
posted by Flunkie at 9:02 PM on January 12

hifiparasol, you owe me a keyboard.
posted by zardoz at 9:34 PM on January 12

stavrogin writes "Like accusing someone of being uppity because they use 'pop' instead of 'soda'."

That does make a person uppity. It's scientific.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:42 PM on January 12

How about, Fates Worse than Death, and it's peppermint with little shards of glass that look exactly like the pieces of peppermint. It's full of preservatives, so it sits around long after you really want to eat it. It's $100 a pint, and the only way you're allowed to pay with it is an interest-only ARM that resets in two years. Eventually, the purchase leaves you with no choice but to declare bankruptcy, while you get hauled off to the hospital to fix the internal bleeding, and you'll pay for that the rest of your life.

Apologies to Kurt Vonnegut.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:59 PM on January 12

Mint Sin (Accomplished)
posted by mach at 11:41 PM on January 12

Sarah Palin might be a little too easy...

Banned Bookies n' Cream
Field Dress a Moose Tracks
Churchy Pumpkin Spice
posted by clearly at 11:46 PM on January 12

Guavatanamo
posted by SteelyDuran at 1:34 AM on January 13

George W Bush's flavor: Mint Banana Marshmallow Failure

Dick Cheney's flavor: Trust Me Swirl (opening the carton sucks the purchaser into a bottomless pitch-dark abyss filled with wind and the tormented howls of the damned)

~Bonus round~

John McCain's flavor: Peanut Orange Whorl (serving suggestion: best eaten with a trowel)

Sarah Palin's flavor: Creationist Crunch, Pro-Lime, Caramel Christ, Assembly of Gelato, Totally and Categorically Unqualified to Hold Public Office In Any Capacity and Strawberry
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:37 AM on January 13 [3 favorites]

Forever and always, /ˈpiː.kæn/ will be the thing I used on long car trips when I was five. That's all I'm saying.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 3:40 AM on January 13

jeezus, you guys are making me look like a total dweeb at work, trying and failing to stifle my laughter. There's only so much I can pass off as "coughing"...

also, I'd like to propose a few simple, non-pun ones:

Banana Stupid
Carpetbagger Caramel
Up Yours With a Cherry On Top
Shame Sundae
posted by LMGM at 4:20 AM on January 13

Death By Chocolate Pretzel
posted by mikepop at 6:14 AM on January 13

BEST THREAD EVER!

Some of my favorites

Iraqi Road
Clusterfudge
Chock and Awe
Chocolate Vanilla Swirl with Oreo chunks
Baracki Road
Mintunderestimated
No Cherry Left Behind
Abu Grape

How about :
Guavtanamo
War on Terrormisu
No Chip Left Behind
Copyright Infudgement
Al-Qeda Tart-rorrist
Eat Bush and Cream
(Tina) caFey and (Sarah) Pralines
Another Grape Depression
Blackwatermelon
Immigrants on I. C. E.
posted by liza at 6:27 AM on January 13 [1 favorite]

I forgot!

There Is No Yellow Cake
posted by liza at 6:31 AM on January 13 [2 favorites]

Mission Pecanplished. Take THAT, pə.ˈkɑn!!!!!
posted by unknowncommand at 6:49 AM on January 13

Whatever the name is, instead of the usual $3.99 price, they should just have a constantly-updating LED displaying this price.
posted by naju at 9:39 AM on January 13

Astro Zombie I don't know what the hell you are talking about. "Tears In Heaven" is the song Clapton wrote for his son. 'Wonderful Tonight' was written for the same woman that Layla is about.
posted by daHIFI at 9:50 AM on January 13

dahifi, AZ is saying that the tune to "tears in heaven" is very similar to that of "wonderful tonight."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:22 AM on January 13

For John McCain's flavor I would have gone with: “McCain Chocolate"
...no, McCain Strawberry...no, wait, McCain Vanilla? ...what are these chunks in here? Cookie pieces? Tastes like raisins in plastic or something...is this grape? What the hell does this taste like to you? It said ‘Chocolate’ on the label for 20 years - but this is like, what, Mango? Mint creame? Lychee? Hey, Bob, c’mere -what does this taste like to you? ‘Label says ‘Chocolate.’ Yeah, I know, but try it. ‘Eww. Kind of bitter, really.’ Oh, yeah? Didn’t taste like that a second ago - ugh, yeah, you’re right, what the hell? Do they even know what they’re going for here? Tastes like bitter old chestnuts or something. ‘Yeah, with refried beans and chipped beef.’ Wait, hey, try this. ‘Hey, pretty good!’ Yeah, that’s the stuff on the bottom. I guess they went back to chocolate. Classy. ‘Too late though.’ Well, yeah, way too late. *tosses carton*
posted by Smedleyman at 11:15 AM on January 13 [3 favorites]

Miers Lemon Supremecourt Surprise.
posted by tula at 1:38 PM on January 13

Abstinence Only Eggnog
Waterboard Whirl
posted by tula at 12:15 AM on January 14