Baby, Please Don't Do Drugs

January 15, 2009 5:35 PM

President-Elect Obama has shown he can make the hard decisions when it comes to appointments, but one job remains to be filled: Drug Czar. A tough job requires a tough man, and one such man is asking for the chance. Ted Nugent for Drug Czar.

"Every American who smokes dope, manufactures, buys or sells meth or uses any illegal drugs is aiding and abetting the enemies of America. Case closed. This spiritual inbreeding and cannibalism must be identified, admitted to and stopped immediately. America can, and must do this."

posted by theroadahead (89 comments total)

First Reaction: That would be so cool!

Reaction after reading the article: Yikes! Jeez! Oh my!
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:38 PM on January 15, 2009

Zombie Bill Hicks for Drug Czar.
posted by mullingitover at 5:39 PM on January 15, 2009 [23 favorites]

Great gonzos, this thread might be a free-for-all.
posted by davebush at 5:39 PM on January 15, 2009

First Reaction: Fuck Ted Nugent.

Reaction after reading the article: Fuck Ted Nugent.
posted by Chuffy at 5:41 PM on January 15, 2009 [36 favorites]

Ted: I love ya, but take all the energy you've been putting into politics back into your guitar playing and we just might get another "Stranglehold" or "Journey To The Center Of The Mind." Please.
posted by jonmc at 5:41 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ted Nugent for FDA Inspector!
posted by Chuffy at 5:43 PM on January 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

Can we amend the constitution one teensy weentsy little bit to where everybody else except for Ted Nugent has the right to free speech? I think it'd sail through two thirds of state legislatures like a lobbyist's yacht.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:43 PM on January 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

Nice use of the wangotango tag. I think.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:43 PM on January 15, 2009

I can think of one good way to stop criminals from trafficking in drugs...
posted by uncleozzy at 5:49 PM on January 15, 2009

Ted Nugent for "Having An Underage Girl's Parents Sign Over Legal Guardianship So He Can Fuck Her Without Fear Of Prosecution" Czar!
posted by Johnny Porno at 5:49 PM on January 15, 2009 [7 favorites]

I think that the various NOUN Czars would be a lot more scary if they were NOUN Tsars. That's just me though.
posted by Mister_A at 5:54 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Why do I feel like putting Ted Nugent in charge of eradicating cocaine would be a little like hiring on Eliot Spitzer to get rid of prostitution?
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:57 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I can think of one good way to stop criminals from trafficking in drugs...

Force them to listen to Cat Scratch Fever repeatedly?
posted by fixedgear at 6:00 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Marijuana, at least, should not be illegal. At most, it should be charged as a misdemeanor so that the police forces can collect revenue without ruining peoples lives and wasting resources that could actually be used to secure our borders.

Also, if there are so many immigrants from Mexico coming in illegally, we should probably revamp our immigration process, because I'm guessing if we haven't stopped them from coming in now, that we are probably not going to be able to do so. If we could document them, then we could stop using all of our resources arresting people who are just trying their best to support their families. Perhaps then the border control agents could focus on protecting our borders from the threats that the cartels do represent, instead of some poor guy who just wants to make a dollar.

Or I guess we could just shoot everybody. That always seems to end well.
posted by jnaps at 6:01 PM on January 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

What, is Elvis dead?
posted by R. Mutt at 6:04 PM on January 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

"Obama, he’s a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun."

Fuck off and die, Ted.
posted by CommonSense at 6:05 PM on January 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Force them to listen to Cat Scratch Fever repeatedly?

No, but now that you mention it, maybe that's how I'll while away the workday tomorrow.

Cat-scratch fever... bow-bow-badow, bum-bum-bum...
posted by uncleozzy at 6:06 PM on January 15, 2009

There shouldn't be any drug czar. The government's been at this since, when, 1920-something? People still take copious amounts of drugs, and criminalization has given a lot of horrible people too much money and has caused the deaths of millions, the destruction of families and environments, the toppling of legitimate governments, the rise of assholes like the Taliban, the further blight of American cities, etc.

End this stupid War on Drugs, Obama! Yes, you can!

And as for Ted Nugent? Man, seriously, FUCK Ted Nugent.
posted by droplet at 6:10 PM on January 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

From the comments:
"Close the border.
Build a fence.
50 cal.'s every 500yrds.
Mandatory 2 year Army reserve for 18-20 yr. olds.
Shoot to kill.

Any questions?"
---
"Gruber,

Ask any professional military officer: they don't want conscripts. A conscription army is a bad army.

For a truly professional military, you need volunteers."

Yes, because that was the most obvious objection to that...
posted by jaduncan at 6:11 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by grobstein at 6:12 PM on January 15, 2009

I nominate Michael "Heckuva Job" Brown.
posted by DU at 6:14 PM on January 15, 2009

"Gruber you for got [sic] the Abrams M1 tanks.(I'm serious) "

I don't even think they are trolling...
posted by jaduncan at 6:16 PM on January 15, 2009

Ted Nugent seriously needs to smoke some weed and calm the fuck down.
posted by NoMich at 6:18 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Close the border.
Build a fence.
50 cal.'s every 500yrds.
Mandatory 2 year Army reserve for 18-20 yr. olds.
Shoot to kill.

Ahhhh, mandatory service: something people I hate from all parts of the political spectrum can agree on.
posted by grobstein at 6:24 PM on January 15, 2009

Ted Nugent has no idea how awesome he makes drugs look.
posted by The Straightener at 6:25 PM on January 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

tl;dr: FIGHT HARDER, NOT SMARTER.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 6:27 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

We already have mandatory service--people without jobs don't eat or have homes unless they are rich. What we don't have is enough jobs to go around. It's an unfunded mandate. Creating positions "in" the government (helping in schools, working on roads, Peace Corps-like service overseas, etc) just makes possible something we already supposedly have.
posted by DU at 6:28 PM on January 15, 2009

I'm all for Ted Nugent as Drug Czar, as long as we immediately abolish the office completely. Deal?
posted by Flunkie at 6:29 PM on January 15, 2009

"Journey to the Center of the Ass"
posted by vibrotronica at 6:30 PM on January 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

Guys guys guys, the drug czar is right under our noses! W!
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 6:30 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

He refers to hippies as "human debris." ugh, why do I pollute my brain with this crap.

That said, if I lived in the US I'd be very concerned that any weed I buy is funding those Mexican drug cartels. Whoever Obama chooses as drug czar, let's hope it's someone who actually has a plan to cut the mexican cartels off from their money rather than rounding up consumers.
posted by Pseudology at 6:41 PM on January 15, 2009

Whoever Obama chooses as drug czar, let's hope it's someone who actually has a plan to cut the mexican cartels off from their money rather than rounding up consumers.

After thinking about this a minute I'm pretty sure this is about as likely at Ted Nugent actually becoming the drug czar.
posted by Pseudology at 6:45 PM on January 15, 2009

Pseudology writes "That said, if I lived in the US I'd be very concerned that any weed I buy is funding those Mexican drug cartels. "

Most of the cannabis you'll find in the US is of the domestically grown variety, one of the last products actually made and consumed in the US. The Mexican cartels are trafficking in cocaine.
posted by mullingitover at 6:55 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Fuck Ted Nugent and fuck the Office of National Drug Control Policy, an invented and unnecessary body designed to perpetuate bad policy through perpetual propaganda. Cuz once ONE President has a Drug Czar then EVERY President has to have a Drug Czar and then NOTHING gets done because it's a self-perpetuating clusterfuck that denies even the possibility of rational debate about the problem we're trying to solve in the first place.

How about we NOT have a Drug Czar? Let's try that for a few years and see how it goes. Let's try not giving every Barney fuckin' Fife a SWAT team to play with on the weekends. Let's stop legitimizing the theft of private property by police misuse of asset forfeiture laws. Let's stop trying to figure out how to throw an entire underclass in jail and stick it on the tab of the US taxpayers. Let's try that shit first.

*sigh*

I sound like a broken record.

Fuck Ted Nugent. He was a useless wanker as a guitar player, too.

I have nothing else to add to this thread, so I'm gonna go get high.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:58 PM on January 15, 2009 [17 favorites]

He had a relationship with a 17-year old Hawaiian girl when he was 30. He became her legal guardian in order to comply with laws regarding relationships with minors.

He Threatened to kill Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton.

>"You have four children - the two from your first marriage, Rocco, and a child by a teenage girlfriend..."
"Who was given out for adoption."
Nugent pauses.
"It's five, actually. I had a child out of wedlock 10 years ago. I suggest you include that, to show what a prick I am. Here I am, railing against people who do drugs, and I did something like that."

And just to salt the wound Ted, here's some Rick Derringer for ya.

I really wish he wasn't such a compelling guitar player
posted by vapidave at 6:58 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

If Obama really represents change, then he's going to have to start appointing some African-Americans to these important government posts. So, there's a perfect candidate for this position -- someone far better qualified than almost everybody else:

He's an old civil rights activist, coming up through SNCC
He's smart - he has a masters in organic chemistry
He's a hero - he was shot by Muslim terrorists way back in 1977
He's a community organizer like Barack himself -- founding a programme to train unemployed men
He's politically savvy -- repeatedly winning elections despite formidable obstacles
He has personal experience of the inequity of the drug laws

Who better to fill the post of Drug Czar than Marion Barry?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:01 PM on January 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

I nominate BitterOldPunk for Drug Tzar.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:01 PM on January 15, 2009

The only reason drugs support the so-called "enemies of America" is because they are illegal, and sold on the black market. If the U.S. decriminalised the production, sale and consumption of drugs, the black market would collapse. People who want to take drugs could then be confident of the quality of the product they are buying, and tax from the sale of these products would fill the coffers of the U.S. government.
posted by stuffedspacedog at 7:03 PM on January 15, 2009

Marion Barry has a Masters in organic chemistry??
posted by DU at 7:05 PM on January 15, 2009

According to Wikipedia, he was studying for his PhD in the subject, when he dropped out to become a full-time organizer for Students Non-Violent Coordinating Committee in 1966.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:08 PM on January 15, 2009

I believe that Ted Nugent should be personally dispatched to engage in actual physical combat with Mexican drug cartels. Just Ted.
posted by nanojath at 7:13 PM on January 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

There's at least one online petition for the drug czar of my dreams. (not my site, but I have some association with their nominee)
posted by gingerbeer at 7:15 PM on January 15, 2009

I am pretty sure this is a good idea.
posted by ph00dz at 7:18 PM on January 15, 2009

Goddamnfuckitall, why does anyone (myself included) give 5 seconds of attention to this human douchebag?

The best thing that Obama could do would be to not appoint any Drug Czar at all, and to merge the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy with the FDA.

Or what BOP said. Yeah.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:20 PM on January 15, 2009

He was a useless wanker as a guitar player, too.

This comment deserves to be emboldened and repeated.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:21 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Why is it that guys like Nugent can over indulge on drugs for years but when they decide their giving them up they expect everyone else to do the same.

Hey Ted, shut the fuck up and go back to being that irrelevant hoon I occasionally see on hunting shows when I'm flipping channels at 2 am.
posted by photoslob at 7:25 PM on January 15, 2009

You can read his pro-Israel rant on the same site. They're both so over-the-top that I've got to wonder if he's just trolling for more media exposure.
posted by wastelands at 7:34 PM on January 15, 2009

You guys are too harsh. We could still have a drug czar. They could be in charge of making sure that when you went to the head shop to buy some weed it is accurately labeled as to the content of various cannabinoids and the organic certification is in order. When you went to buy some LSD he'd be the guy in charge of the "DEA Inspected" logo on the package that means you know it was made in an inspected lab by a qualified chemist.

Cali stoners, I'm actually curious if your dispensaries are hocking organic weed yet?
posted by Sockpuppet For Naughty Things at 7:41 PM on January 15, 2009

An old BOC song about drugs being illegal. Then Came the Last Days of May
posted by vapidave at 7:44 PM on January 15, 2009

Tommy Chong, case closed.
posted by empath at 8:16 PM on January 15, 2009

I'm picturing Ted, guarding the border with his crossbow. Hilarious.

And as always, whenever there's a Ted Nugent thread, I have to post his interview with Grand Royal. Fucking best interview ever.
posted by fungible at 8:17 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Tommy Chong, case closed.

A pothead? No chance. He'd be in the office five minutes and you'll start hearing all the same stuff out of his mouth.

"Y'know, marijuana's safe and good for your kids -- raises their IQ level by ten points for each joint they smoke below the age of 10, and it's like, a herb, man, so it's natural and God given.

Not like those fucking crackheads who steal your stereo, and like, ask me for a dollar whenever I walk past. And I never know whether they're asking me for a dollar, or telling me to give them a dollar? So I usually just give 'em five dollars and then get out of Dodge.

Yeah, pot's fine, but I'd lock all those crackheads right the fuck up in a wink. Boom Shankar, dude."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:26 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

President-elects only want drug czars with skills. You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, cat-scratch fever skills... Presidents only want drug czars who have great skills.

Ted likes hunting and is pro-2nd amendment. Yet I don't consider him to be on my side.

"Working with the Columbian government a few years back, U.S. Special Forces filled Pablo Escobar full of bullet holes...However, as America's Drug Czar, I would put a big hurt on the drug kingpins and consumers like they have never seen."

Yeah, uh, Ted, not sure if you have any clue at all WTF you're talking about. They didn't just waltz into the country and gun him down. That's not really how things are done with multi-billionaires running massive well organized drug cartels. Bunch of serious looking dudes show up at the airport toting heavy looking luggage, yeah, someone might pick up a phone or something. Delta had a lot to do with it, yeah, but Escobar had a very sensitive network of informants and security people. It was a long drawn out methodical and carefully targeted campaign of intelligence gathering, counterintel, disinformation, seduction of his people, and systematic surgical operations that made him vulnerable.
And, officially, Columbian military forces killed him.
But whatever the case, it's not simply a matter of getting tougher. That operation worked because of, y'know, teamwork and cooperation, not 'kicking ass and taking names.'
Stay home and jack off on your bow, willya?

Anyway I'd go with Tommy Chong for drug czar. He's still in pretty good shape too. He'd kick Ted's ass.
posted by Smedleyman at 8:26 PM on January 15, 2009

Ted Nugent needs to chill out and get on drugs.

A man for whom God invented the word "assclown."

Seriously, has anyone actually listened to the lyrics for his big hit "Stranglehold?" He's advocating violence against women.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:28 PM on January 15, 2009

Indeed.

End the War On Drugs.
Commence the War On Ted Nugent.
posted by mannequito at 8:34 PM on January 15, 2009

He refers to hippies as "human debris."

What exactly is a "hippie" again? I'm under 50.

(Kidding! I went to Vassar.)
posted by Epenthesis at 8:37 PM on January 15, 2009

Just say no to a Drug Czar. Czar is an inappropriate title for a public servant in a democracy anyway.
posted by Tashtego at 8:49 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I saw Ted Nugent in concert once. (Go easy, he was opening for KISS.) He told the crowd we were great because we knew in our country "it's speak english or get the fuck out."

We were in Montreal.
posted by docgonzo at 9:07 PM on January 15, 2009 [22 favorites]

I think it'd sail through two thirds of state legislatures like a lobbyist's yacht.

That is a beautiful and powerful simile.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:07 PM on January 15, 2009

Mexico has actually been making progress in breaking up the large smuggling cartels in the last few years. The result has been a huge spike in violence as smaller and much more vicious gangs fight among themselves. The increased violence now threatens civilians on both sides of the border. Another victory for the war on drugs.
posted by rdr at 9:28 PM on January 15, 2009

Seriously, has anyone actually listened to the lyrics for his big hit "Stranglehold?"

No. I can pretty much guarantee that nobody anywhere has. It's a really long song that's mostly guitar solo. Nobody cares about the lyrics.
posted by jonmc at 9:30 PM on January 15, 2009

down on phillips escalator what a thrilling ride
it's a feeling that you've never felt before inside
you can set your mind and body you'll be all around
but you'll keep on moving cause you haven't left the ground

down on phillips escalator goodbye world i'll catch you later on
for my consciousness is gone
and reality is wrong

down on phillips escalator top floor if you please
ride as much as phillips rides and see what phillips sees
if your heart won't let you go and take a ride with phil
be obliged to step aside as many more who will

down on phillips escalator goodbye world i'll catch you later on
for my consciousness is gone
and reality is wrong

so please come along but take care
beware for those silver shining steps take you there

elevators, escalators, take you up and bring you down

down on phillips escalator now it's time to go
thank you and we hope that you've all enjoyed our show

down on phillips escalator goodbye world i'll catch you later on
for my consciousness is gone
and reality is wrong

oh yeah - really, ted, how the hell could you be in a band with lyrics like that and not know that

Down
On
Phillips
Escalator

wasn't about drugs? - and how about journey to the center of the mind?


Leave your cares behind
Come with us and find
The pleasures of a journey to the center of the mind
Chorus:
Come along if you care
Come along if you dare
Take a ride to the land inside of your mind
Beyond the seas of thought
Beyond the realm of what
Across the streams of hopes and dreams where things are really not
[repeat chorus]
But please realise
You'll probably be surprised
For it's the land unknown to man
Where fantasy is fact
So if you can, please understand
You might not come back
[repeat chorus]
How happy life could be
If all of mankind
Would take the time to journey to the center of the mind
Would take the time to journey to the center of the mind
Center of the mind
(echo: the mind, the mind)

once his fucking viagra prescription runs out, i fully expect tedly, michigan's greatest redneck sophist, to start preaching to us about the virtues of celebacy - or perhaps peta will brainwash him into preaching veganism

it would make just as much sense as a guy who made his money selling music for teenagers to party by being "drug czar" - you already made your nut off of the drug business, asshole, you can forget about being "drug czar"

because what pisses me off most about his attitude is that he's never ONCE had the fucking honesty to admit that he was into them or promoting them when he first started out - it's one thing to change your mind - it's another thing to lie about it
posted by pyramid termite at 9:38 PM on January 15, 2009

I am pretty sure this is a good idea.

You can bet that it would be the first step towards legalization, either through incompetence or overreach.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:50 PM on January 15, 2009

I like Ted in a way, but hell no. Keep him away from that. He's got a stick up his butt about it.

pyramid termite writes "because what pisses me off most about his attitude is that he's never ONCE had the fucking honesty to admit that he was into them or promoting them when he first started out - it's one thing to change your mind - it's another thing to lie about it"

I dunno. He always had a reputation for being a hard ass about drugs. He once punched out a fan who offered him a joint in the bathroom, and he bragged about it. This was back in the Wango Tango days. He's sort of like Gene Simmons in that sense. Always been straight edge uber-alpha rock dudes.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:43 PM on January 15, 2009

This was back in the Wango Tango days.

yeah, but he goes back much farther than that, back to '67 - and what he's said about those days just doesn't seem very honest to me - and let's face it - even in the wango tango days he was playing to thousands of wasted kids every night - he had to have known that - he may not have liked the drug culture but he was more than willing to make a buck out of those into it - kids liked to get drunk and stoned and listened to heavy metal - it was all part of the 70s stoner lifestyle - people went to concerts to get fucked up - and he might have kept his backstage clean - and he might have been willing to tell music reporters that he hated drugs, but did he ever tell the thousands of kids out there, "hey, you guys out there smoking dope suck!!"?

hell, he doesn't even like beer-drinking ...
posted by pyramid termite at 11:42 PM on January 15, 2009

hell, he doesn't even like beer-drinking ...

Ironic, then, that drinking beer is the key to being able to listen to his music.
posted by Mikey-San at 12:38 AM on January 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Why do people keep promoting this dumb fucking former purveyor of shitty cock rock?* Why are we talking about him? Why does he keep getting a platform for his ignorant sub-KKK political philosophies? Does anyone care what Candynose McLargehuge from Grand Funk Railroad or whoever has to say about immigration or drugs or anything else? Of course not. That's the level he should be on. He should be wrestling Todd Bridges on Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Wrestling at best. So why does anyone care what Ted Nugent has to say? Why do people keep giving him power by acknowledging his existence? He's nobody. He's less than a joke. He should be treated as such. Somehow he's been elevated to this ostensibly lovable old curmudgeonly Chuck-Norris-macho-kitsch pop culture figure who occasionally pops up to say "wang dang shoot all the Mexicans heyooooo! (slide whistle)" and everyone chuckles and reports it on the Internet and chuckles some more. "Oh, that Ted Nugent! What's he gone and said now?" He's a contemptible piece of shit. If we all work together on completely ignoring him, maybe he'll go away.

* Not a knock at the poster of the FPP.
posted by DecemberBoy at 12:59 AM on January 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I guess I was under the impression that Ted Nugent was a cool, left leaning dude. I had no idea he'd become a reactionary horrorshow. Or maybe he was always a reactionary horrorshow, and I was just a cool, left leaning dude who enjoyed his music when I was a teen.

Either way, he's out of my will after reading that.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:46 AM on January 16, 2009

Ted Nugent served one valuable purpose at one time, as I recall. Growing up, there was a local radio statio who would sometimes perform the valuable public service of playing "alarm songs" - starting at the stroke of 6:00 AM, and every half hour after that until 9:00 AM, they would play some incredibly loud and obnoxious rock song while the DJ screamed things like, "Wake up you worthless sack of garbage! Another day in your miserable life has started! Get up! Get up! Movemovemove!" Cat Scratch Fever was a perineally favorite alarm song, and I'm sure it got plenty of people out of bed cursing Ted Nugent's name. That's pretty much been the extent of his usefulness.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:25 AM on January 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

Well, as one of those stoned guys in the 70s, I'll admit I like the song, 'Stranglehold'. I never gave Nugent's politics much thought until a few years ago, when I saw him shooting deer or something on some hunting show on TV. That was a little jarring somehow. Not as jarring as if it'd been Steve Perry of Journey, but still, it seemed odd. Then I delved a little deeper and found out Nugent had kinda become Charlton Heston Junior and gone way off to the hard right. Or maybe he was always there and I was just too stoned to notice.
posted by jamstigator at 5:04 AM on January 16, 2009

shooting deer [...] Steve Perry of Journey

Oh Bambi, your mom... holds on... hoooollllds ooooonnn...
posted by uncleozzy at 5:33 AM on January 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

We take drugs pretty seriously at my house.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 6:14 AM on January 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

The audacity of (a) dope.

"Every American who smokes dope . . . is aiding and abetting the enemies of America. Case closed."
posted by markkraft at 6:18 AM on January 16, 2009

I agree with the sentiment, and as a factual matter I mostly agree. (Homegrown marijuana obviously doesn't give any financial benefit to the Latin American and Central Asian terrorists involved in poppy farming, so that's an exception.)

That said, Ted Nugent's an asshole. Fuck him.
posted by jock@law at 6:39 AM on January 16, 2009

Devils Rancher said Can we amend the constitution one teensy weentsy little bit to where everybody else except for Ted Nugent has the right to free speech? I think it'd sail through two thirds of state legislatures like a lobbyist's yacht.

That's great! Too bad it takes three-quarters of the states' legislatures, unless you think you can get them to call a Convention, which hasn't happened for, you know, a couple hundred years.

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution ... which ... shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as Part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States.... [link]

posted by jock@law at 6:46 AM on January 16, 2009

If we all work together on completely ignoring him, maybe he'll go away.

I propose we put Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, and Anne Coulter on a boat and send them up to Bear Mountain for a picnic.
posted by Dr-Baa at 6:49 AM on January 16, 2009

Does anyone care what Candynose McLargehuge from Grand Funk Railroad or whoever has to say about immigration or drugs or anything else? Of course not.

you mean mark farner? i skimmed through a book and damned if he hasn't turned into a conservative asshole just like ted nugent, except that he's into fundamentalist religion, too
posted by pyramid termite at 7:32 AM on January 16, 2009

Ted: I love ya, but take all the energy you've been putting into politics back into your guitar playing and we just might get another "Stranglehold" or "Journey To The Center Of The Mind."

What's even funnier is that Ted Nugent was actually too dumb to notice the drug references in the lyrics to Journey to the Center of the Mind when he was in the Amboy Dukes. I mean, one of the album covers for the Amboy Dukes is pretty much nothing but hash pipes. Even if you agree with Ted Nugent's War on Drugs cheerleading, the guy was too clueless to notice how frackin' high his own band members were.
posted by jonp72 at 7:39 AM on January 16, 2009

jock@law writes "I agree with the sentiment, and as a factual matter I mostly agree. (Homegrown marijuana obviously doesn't give any financial benefit to the Latin American and Central Asian terrorists involved in poppy farming, so that's an exception.)"

Legalizing it would solve that problem but quick. No black market, no cartel.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:50 AM on January 16, 2009

Great riffs but what an asshole. I remember interviews from him back in the day. He was always anti-drug but his womanizing knew no end. His stage raps back then were hilarious in a sophomoric way and pretty much non-political. Scatological and misogynist, but not political. But his ego started writing checks his talent couldn't cash. He fired his lead singer, ran out of good riffs, and he got more vocal about his caveman politics. And his career took a well-deserved nosedive. So yeah, fuck him. Fuck him with the barrel of one of his guns. It's probably a secret desire anyway.
posted by Ber at 7:54 AM on January 16, 2009

you mean mark farner? i skimmed through a book and damned if he hasn't turned into a conservative asshole just like ted nugent, except that he's into fundamentalist religion, too

Mark Farner was my neighbor for a few years when I lived in Petoskey. I thought something was odd with his place (before I knew who lived there) because he had a tour bus parked in his yard along with a giant log cross.
posted by Dr-Baa at 8:20 AM on January 16, 2009

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution ... which ... shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as Part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States....

Woops, in my haste to post light-hearted snarkery, I confused the first clause with the second. I'm not a constitutional scholar, but i play one on the internet.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:27 AM on January 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

And just to salt the wound Ted, here's some Rick Derringer for ya.

Yet another former rocker who quit doing drugs and got religion.
posted by bink at 8:51 AM on January 16, 2009

You know who else likes Sarah Palin? Yeah, you know. No idea if the feeling is mutual, though.
posted by Orb2069 at 9:20 AM on January 16, 2009

I've always been amused by Ted's antidrug stance because his fans (at least when I was in high school) were some of the biggest stoners I knew.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:34 AM on January 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Cali stoners, I'm actually curious if your dispensaries are hocking organic weed yet?

Yes, they are, although you're probably more likely to find organic marijuana from alternative sources (not the dispensaries).

Of course, you'll have to take the supplier's word for it. There doesn't seem to be a USDA or FDA certification process for organic marijuana yet, for some reason...

"Palin voter!" has been my personal pejorative expletive of choice for a while now. (It gets much more attention than yellling "Asshole!" at asshole drivers.)
posted by mrgrimm at 12:53 PM on January 16, 2009

I accept Devils Rancher's nomination and promise to serve to the best of my incapacity. Bong hits for all, heroin instead of paychecks for the working junkie. Freedom of body! Freedom of commerce! Freedom of choice!

Also: dammit, Ted. You're so CLOSE. There are a bunch of people (me included) who LIKE your stance on the Second Amendment and who APPLAUD your efforts to promote hunting and fishing as a viable means of wildlife/wetlands/greenspace conservation. It's great that you're so far ahead of most celebrities on this issue and that you have put your money where your mouth is. It's too bad you can't stop sniffing your own ass long enough to realize that the problem isn't drugs per se, it's the whiplash REACTION from neo-Puritans to the very idea of dialing up one's own pleasure that you're so afraid of.

OK, ok, I bow out. Starting drinking too early today.

/mod warning to watch out for me, bee-yotch
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:50 PM on January 16, 2009

I met Nugent a long time ago at a hunting show. As a fan of his music, it was really neat to actually get to talk to the guy who did Free for All and Stranglehold. He was surprisingly very polite and I left feeling like he might be a pretty good guy. Over the subsequent years, I have forced to repeatedly re-evaluate my opinion of him every time I hear about some stupid shit like this. Because of Ted, I've made it a point to not assume that people who are friendly are not also assholes.

As I think about it, I realize that the only good way of determining who is most fit to be the next Drug Czar is in the pit. Two men enter, one man gets the appointment.

Ted Nugent versus Henry Rollins.
posted by quin at 3:15 PM on January 16, 2009

_____ Czar is a laughably, horrifically bad title for a position. I suggest it's about time for the US Government to grow up and ban this ridiculous appellation.

As for "Drug Czar" in particular, the proof that illegalization is wantonly destructive is seen all around us. How the fuckity-fuck can any living person think that continuing this stupidity is in any way beneficial to society?

You'd think in the 21st century we'd could get our shit together and do better than this but, noooo, it looks like we're gonna finish our first decade right where we freakin' started. Goddamn, but I despair of our culture.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:01 PM on January 16, 2009