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January 30, 2009 4:31 PM   Subscribe

Anti-Theft Lunch Bag.
posted by william_boot (35 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
I'd throw the fucking thing away if I saw that.
posted by boo_radley at 4:34 PM on January 30, 2009 [5 favorites]


Sure, they won't steal your lunch, but do you really want the reputation as the office loon who eats moldy sandwiches?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:38 PM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


Yeah, I agree with boo...I know for a fact that if I put that in the work fridge, someone would throw it out before I could eat it. Dumb idea.
posted by scarello at 4:38 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Sure, they won't steal your lunch, but do you really want the reputation as the office loon who eats moldy sandwiches?

Hell. Yes.

Not only that, that person would also be the first person I would buddy up with in the office on my first day. And that person would lean over to me across the lunch room table and whisper,"That guy BlazeCock, what a Pileon."
posted by YoBananaBoy at 4:43 PM on January 30, 2009


Just use regular sandwich bags and stick a condom inside. You can reuse the same one over and over. You don't need to waste all that money on fake gross.
posted by orme at 4:53 PM on January 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


No mold is being fooled here. POST TITLE FAIL.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:56 PM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


What if I don't like sandwiches? Can i use it to store palak paneer?
posted by ardgedee at 4:58 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I keep my mold in a bag with fake crumbs on it.
posted by DU at 5:34 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


My mother's work place had the reverse problem that the office manager type person would throw away people's lunches she -thought- were old, including ones just made that morning. Best not to encourage that sort of person.
posted by Phalene at 5:37 PM on January 30, 2009


I'd throw the fucking thing away if I saw that.

What are you doing looking in other peoples' lunch sacks?
posted by George_Spiggott at 5:40 PM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


I used to work in an orthopaedic office where it was no big deal to stumble upon a cadaver hand in the fridge, so this wouldn't really have bothered anyone.
posted by troybob at 5:42 PM on January 30, 2009


Mmmmm...finger sandwiches.
posted by ColdChef at 5:51 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I swear this story is true...

I worked with a guy who was also a firefighter, and after I complained to him about someone eating my yogurt from our work fridge, he told me about this guy at his station. Someone kept eating this guy's sandwiches, no matter how many notes he put on them. After about the 5th time, the guy brings his sandwich out into the rec room, where everyone is hanging out. He opens the sandwich up, whips his dick out, wipes his junk all over the sandwich, then calmly puts the sandwich back into its bag and walks out of the room.

Me, I decided to inject a shit-ton of ultra hot sauce into my next yogurt with a syringe. I have no idea who ate it, but I am sure it was not pleasant in the least.
posted by orme at 5:54 PM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


...wipes his junk all over the sandwich...

This is what the word condiment makes me think of.
posted by troybob at 5:56 PM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


What are you doing looking in other peoples' lunch sacks?
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:40 PM on January 30 [+] [!]


Sometimes because you're the person responsible to keep the fridge clean, and people don't throw out their old lunches.

But do you really need to refridgerate your lunch? I don't like cold sandwiches, and isn't the point of packing something like sandwiches is that they don't need special storage? Actually, there is just about no food, save maybe raw fish or shrimp, that needs refridgerating between the morning and lunch.

And if you keep your lunch in your bag, no one steals it.
posted by jb at 6:09 PM on January 30, 2009


Watch out for the container marked "tossed salad", if you're allergic to nuts.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:09 PM on January 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


Watch out for the container marked "tossed salad", if you're allergic to nuts.
posted by Blazecock Pileon

Is that made with a ballsamic vinaigrette?
posted by orme at 6:13 PM on January 30, 2009


Watch out for the container marked "tossed salad", if you're allergic to nuts.

If you can't keep your eyes off some other guy's sack, you're pretty much asking for it.
posted by troybob at 6:14 PM on January 30, 2009


Actually, there is just about no food, save maybe raw fish or shrimp, that needs refridgerating between the morning and lunch.
Where the fuck have you been the past two years? You need to camp out at AskMe and hand this advice out daily.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 6:15 PM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


I don't think this idea works in practice. Plastic bags are always full of wrinkles and air pockets, so when people peek into a sack they'll see a moldlike pattern that looks like it's on the bag. Plus if the sandwich shifts around and the mold doesn't, that will be another giveaway. Once it's perceived to be on the bag it might be mistaken for some artsy design.
posted by crapmatic at 6:24 PM on January 30, 2009


Is that made with a ballsamic vinaigrette?

Most prefer creamy Italian or buttermilk-poppy seed, but it's best to steer clear of the blue cheese.
posted by troybob at 6:32 PM on January 30, 2009


He opens the sandwich up, whips his dick out, wipes his junk all over the sandwich, then calmly puts the sandwich back into its bag and walks out of the room.

The other guys, offended at being implicitly and passive-aggressively accused, start doing the same thing to his sandwich and then putting it back in the fridge.
posted by DU at 7:03 PM on January 30, 2009


Aw, come on. It isn't going to fool the sandwich detective, but I think it is clever.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 7:05 PM on January 30, 2009


Sometimes because you're the person responsible to keep the fridge clean, and people don't throw out their old lunches.

The approach the admin at my office uses is "anything not in an unopened, factory sealed container that even might be perishable and is not stamped with an expiration date sometime in the future will be thrown out Friday night. Anything questionable and we'll err on the side of throwing away rather than not throwing away." Works really well. Your half-and-half stays if it's not expired, as do your frozen foods, your jars of jam, etc, but your leftover takeout and what you made at home will not be there monday, so hope that wasn't expensive tupperware.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:47 PM on January 30, 2009


The bakery near our house where we like to get fancy bread from time to time puts the loaves into plastic bags with the shop's logo printed on them. The logo is printed in blue-green. When light shines through the bag, it casts a blue-green shadow on the bread. We've been getting bread there for years, and I still often have a split-second of thinking I see mold when I get the loaf out to make toast or sandwiches. I always think, "What an unfortunate choice of logo color."
posted by not that girl at 7:52 PM on January 30, 2009


My father was a printer and had the same problem with a mystery man eating his sandwich regularly. So he poured some ink in between two slices of meat in his sandwich. Though he didn't catch the ink mouther mother fucker he never had a problem after that.
posted by munchingzombie at 7:55 PM on January 30, 2009


One of my former companies threw out everything in the fridge every Friday evening. This kept the fridge free of science experiments. I thought it was a good practice.

When I was at Bank of America, a newish trade assistant ate someone's lunch and lied about it. He was seen eating someone's watermelon and when called on it, lied and said it was his or that it was given to him. He was fired. I still wonder what he told his subsequent employer.

The whole eating other people's lunches has always disgusted me a little. I really don't want to eat the meatloaf sandwich of the woman with six cats who talks about how they like to sit on the counter and watch her cook. People's level of cleanliness varies enormously. I have a friend that won't eat leftovers more than 1 day old. I have another who once dropped a bowl of brownie batter on the floor who promptly scooped it back into the bowl. My caterer friend won't eat catered food because too many people handle it.

Stick to your own lunch and I'll stick to mine.
posted by shoesietart at 9:12 PM on January 30, 2009


I worked with a guy who was also a firefighter, and after I complained to him about someone eating my yogurt from our work fridge, he told me about this guy at his station. Someone kept eating this guy's sandwiches, no matter how many notes he put on them. After about the 5th time, the guy brings his sandwich out into the rec room, where everyone is hanging out. He opens the sandwich up, whips his dick out, wipes his junk all over the sandwich, then calmly puts the sandwich back into its bag and walks out of the room.

. . . and the punch line is:

He comes back to eat his lunch and finds a note saying " . . . so have I"
posted by dangerousdan at 10:23 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I had this problem when I was in school. We had a little fridge where we could store our lunches until lunctime (teeny tiny private school) and someone always swiped mine.

So my mother and I made two lunches one day. The sandwich had wasabi and tobasco sauce in it, the lunch meat had marinated in hot sauce overnight, the apple was carefully painted with hot sauce, and we even took the cupcake out of the bag and treated it, too. Heck, we dipped the soda can into a dish of hot sauce.

My real lunch got squashed in my backpack. It was kind of warm and flat, but edible. The fake lunch disappeared as per usual.

My lunches never got taken after that.
posted by Scattercat at 2:22 AM on January 31, 2009 [1 favorite]


one day in school someone ate my lunch so then i just stopped eating lunch
posted by Eideteker at 5:40 AM on January 31, 2009


i just put a sticky on my lunch that says i licked everything inside.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 6:13 AM on January 31, 2009


I can actually suck it up and survive an unrefrigerated sandwich and apple without serious trauma.
posted by Shepherd at 9:03 AM on January 31, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think the firefighter could have accomplished the same thing by just vigorously licking his sandwich without the accompanying problems of the other method like having to clean the mustard off of his tool.
posted by digsrus at 3:27 PM on January 31, 2009


I can't believe this is still floating around the internet. The response when it gets posted anywhere is almost unanimously "that would never work." Where's the person who thinks it's a good enough idea to spread around?

oh. it's william_boot.
posted by tehloki at 5:07 PM on January 31, 2009


This isn't so much an anti-theft idea (I doubt those stealing lunches actually take the time to inspect what they're stealing) and more of a pro-waste idea. If paired with a yogurt, an apple and some sort of cookie, the thief will likely eat the accessories and throw away the sandwich.
posted by David Fleming at 7:44 AM on February 1, 2009


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