This is the most impressive business card I have ever seen.

April 16, 2009 1:29 PM

Your business card is CRAP! (SLYT)(via).
posted by ND¢ (121 comments total)

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. *begins sweating* Oh my God; it even has a watermark.
posted by adipocere at 1:33 PM on April 16, 2009 [34 favorites]

I ... I'm speechless. I have no way to argue around against this guy. I have nothing.

But he certainly does not belong in my rolodex.
posted by jabberjaw at 1:34 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

Has anyone actually used a physical rolodex in the last decade? I mean, anyone who matters.
posted by GuyZero at 1:35 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

What do you do guaranteed?

Umm...I guess...nothing, mister?
posted by Turtles all the way down at 1:36 PM on April 16, 2009

Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. *begins sweating* Oh my God; it even has a watermark.

Great scene.
posted by gman at 1:36 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

IRONY METER OVERLOAD. SYSTEM SHUTTING DOWN IN 5...4...3...

this is kidding, right?
posted by dersins at 1:36 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Strathmore stock" is my new favorite insult.
posted by dhammond at 1:36 PM on April 16, 2009 [11 favorites]

"Whadda you do, guaranteed?"

Puke.

*pukes*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:39 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

Life is not about being liked.

That's probably a useful outlook for him.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:39 PM on April 16, 2009 [17 favorites]

Uh... uh... Pat Bateman called and he... uh...

Anyway, that's a brochure, stupid, not a business card.
posted by Mister_A at 1:41 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

how apt that this be linked to since i am in the process of designing my business card. i have about 20 more years to go.
posted by the aloha at 1:41 PM on April 16, 2009

This guy puts Patrick Bateman to shame.
posted by HumanComplex at 1:42 PM on April 16, 2009

Like A Boss.
posted by gman at 1:44 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

Will it be die-cut, foil-stamped, and embossed, the aloha?
posted by Mister_A at 1:44 PM on April 16, 2009

You're gonna spend $20 a month on paper towels anyway.
posted by dirtdirt at 1:44 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

I was buying from this guy, right up until he showed me his card.

In his industry(being Uri Geller), his card might have a place, in any other it doesn't.
posted by fistynuts at 1:47 PM on April 16, 2009

Regardlesss of the card, this guy is just an arrogant, self-absorbed bastard. Is he selling his method, or manufacture of this thing? If so, why does the video cut off like that? I wouldn't even buy a pack of gum from this jerk anyway.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 1:51 PM on April 16, 2009

I don’t know if I love this guy or if I want to jack him in the back of the head with a bag of nickels.
posted by eggman at 1:52 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

His name is apparently Joel Bauer and this is his website.
posted by ND¢ at 1:52 PM on April 16, 2009

I wouldn't even buy a pack of gum from this jerk anyway.

The thing is, his gum is so good that even if you don't like it, you won't stop chewing it.
posted by cortex at 1:53 PM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

See this business card? This business card cost more than your car.
posted by Ratio at 1:53 PM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

And the Wall Street Journal ran an article on him ten years ago.
posted by ND¢ at 1:54 PM on April 16, 2009

It's not about liking the gum, it's about blowing really big bubbles.
posted by Mister_A at 1:59 PM on April 16, 2009

mr. a, at this point my card is top secret. i guarantee that in fifteen years, though, it will demonstrate incredible marketing capability.
posted by the aloha at 1:59 PM on April 16, 2009

What a TOOL!

I would love to get his "card" and rip it up right in front of him...
posted by schyler523 at 2:01 PM on April 16, 2009

"Whadda you do, guaranteed?"

Laugh at crazy people.

*laughs*
posted by Skygazer at 2:02 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh my god this guy is awesome. Every time I think he's almost done the card unfolds again and there's a whole other layer of awesome folded underneath. By the end I was expecting a pop-up-book origami dragon to jump out and start clawing the skin from his face one tender morsel at a time.
posted by ook at 2:02 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Joel Bauer teaches you how to pack a suitcase.
posted by ND¢ at 2:04 PM on April 16, 2009 [22 favorites]

My business card can lay siege upon your business card.
posted by Toekneesan at 2:05 PM on April 16, 2009 [6 favorites]

I feel inadequate. Not because of his killer card or his par-for-the-course brashness but because for the life of me, I can't get big hair like that. I suspect that if he had a mustache as well then he'd actually rule the universe. Nevertheless the hair is key people, the hair is key.
posted by ob at 2:06 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

That card certainly does not belong in a rolodex. It belongs in the wastebasket of shame and broken promises.
posted by clearly at 2:06 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is pure comedy gold if you imagine the same lines being delivered by Dwight Schrute.
posted by aquafortis at 2:08 PM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

My "Undertaker" cards.
posted by ColdChef at 2:10 PM on April 16, 2009

Joel Bauer teaches you how to pack a suitcase.

This man is a comedic genius, and I really want him to get a sitcom as soon as possible.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:11 PM on April 16, 2009

It took him 25 years to develop a fold-out greeting card.

Awesome.
posted by oddman at 2:13 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

I LOLed when that dude suddenly and dramatically folded out his card with an obviously well-practice flick of the hand.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:13 PM on April 16, 2009

Shameless self-link
posted by hermitosis at 2:14 PM on April 16, 2009

Has anyone actually used a physical rolodex in the last decade? I mean, anyone who matters.


You know, I'm a super-geek; I use computers for everything. Except business contacts. I still keep a card file. It's faster and it won't crash.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 2:14 PM on April 16, 2009

"I carry three black t-shirts."

"...and here is a high-neck, mandarin collar on the t-shirt... I also carry a sport high-neck."

The Bateman analogy is... perfect.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:15 PM on April 16, 2009

So he's perfecting business cards in a process that takes ... 25 years? This guy started designing his business card 1984 and is now, in 2009, talking about how life is not about being liked, but about being "effective."

That's his sales pitch.

I love this guy.
posted by Glee at 2:15 PM on April 16, 2009

I hope Obama taxes Joel Bauer from here to Summer's Eve.
posted by pmbuko at 2:16 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

See this business card? This business card cost more than your car. C'MON!
posted by carsonb at 2:16 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

That suitcase packing thing is gold Jerry....GOLD! *crazed look*
posted by technically yours at 2:17 PM on April 16, 2009

And this thread would be incomplete without the greatest business card ever.
posted by ColdChef at 2:18 PM on April 16, 2009 [16 favorites]

I don’t know if I love this guy or if I want to jack him in the back of the head with a bag of nickels.

Nickels? Nickels are CRAP. I'd jack him in the back of the head with a bag full of fifty cent pieces.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 2:21 PM on April 16, 2009

I don’t know if I love this guy or if I want to jack him in the back of the head with a bag of nickels.

These are not mutually exclusive.

I just sent this to my SO, a graphic designer by trade, suggesting she incorporate some of his ideas into the cards she designs for clients.

She will probably jack me in the back of the head with a bag of nickels, but she probably still loves me.
posted by mesh gear fox at 2:26 PM on April 16, 2009

I've had a plan for my business card for a while, it's going to be very spartan, maybe just my email in the lower corner with a barcode running down the center. My title will be "Purveyor of Sin" or "Minor Internet Celebrity" or something like that. Overall, the effect should be simple and elegant.

I'm thinking that in lieu of different kinds of paper-stock, I'm going to use a 10" circular saw blade. Mirror polished and sharpened to a razor's edge, my information will be laser etched into the side. And when I want to hand it out, I'll pull it out of my bag, back up, and tell the person to "think fast" as I throw it at them as hard as I can. It will be totally memorable experience, and I've heard that's a big deal when landing those high value contacts in your network.

Oh yeah, my name is going to be known everywhere once I roll this bad boy out.
posted by quin at 2:26 PM on April 16, 2009 [8 favorites]

And I've heard that using this business card will open doors for you.
posted by quin at 2:29 PM on April 16, 2009

A Michael Scott Joint.
posted by shmegegge at 2:29 PM on April 16, 2009

Blake: What's the problem, pal?
Dave Moss: You -
[correcting him]
Dave Moss: Moss. You're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're coming down here wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?
Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch?
Dave Moss: Yeah.
Blake: That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave.
posted by zardoz at 2:31 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Between the suitcase packing video and the business card I really think he needs more than his own reality show, he needs his own network.

This guy is the very definition of AWESOME.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:31 PM on April 16, 2009

This is pure comedy gold if you imagine the same lines being delivered by Dwight Schrute.

...and now I can't stop...LOL!
posted by Pecinpah at 2:32 PM on April 16, 2009

Travel vest. Fantastic.
posted by ColdChef at 2:35 PM on April 16, 2009

ScottEVest for those of you who are interested in a jacket with 52 pockets.
posted by ColdChef at 2:37 PM on April 16, 2009

Heh. My buddy used to run a plumbing company. His business card read: "Holistic Plumbing: I can lay pipe, or we can just cuddle."
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:42 PM on April 16, 2009 [11 favorites]

Put that card down. Business card's are for closers only. Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you.

A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-carding. Always be carding! Always be carding!
posted by sgranade at 2:47 PM on April 16, 2009

You know something? This guy's a punk.

A punk.

You think he's hot shit? He's a nothing with a stack of business cards. He's got to tell you who he is? That's because he's a nothing. If you don't stand to attention the moment he's in the room, who gives a rat's ass about his business card? You won't. Because you won't remember him as anything other than a blowhard. Some blowhard so insecure that he's got to throw half his marketing campaign into his damned business card.

If he's any good, he doesn't have to tell you shit. He doesn't have to leave anything to remember him by. He sure as hell doesn't need to carry cheapjack trinkets around. You will remember him, like you remember your first beer. Like you remember your first lay. And you don't ever call him. He'll call you.

This guy ain't like that at all. He thinks he's a star? He's a bit player. A punk.
posted by ardgedee at 2:48 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

So, he spent 24 years on his business card, and, what, 45 minutes on his web site?

To me, the only thing a business card is good for is holding someone's contact information for me long enough so I can transfer it into my computer.
posted by camcgee at 3:14 PM on April 16, 2009

Here's mine, from a recent project.
posted by mattdidthat at 3:17 PM on April 16, 2009

Joel Bauer teaches you how to pack a suitcase.

From the video: "I want to be near an elevator in case of a fire."

Is that an anomaly or do all these high-powered salesman types have some kind of fantasy of suffocating to death inside a suspended metal box?
posted by camcgee at 3:18 PM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

ardgedee: your jealously is obvious. besides, that card is actually made of the best titanium alloy which will probably still be popping up innovative solutioneering concepts after the pyramids have crumbled. Bow before your master fools HE IS RISEN.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:24 PM on April 16, 2009

hahahaha

Hotels give douchebags the room next to the elevator.
posted by sfts2 at 3:34 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

holy shit, the via link is from Michael Ian Black's blog! I didn't even know he had one. I got to work with him on his directorial debut.
posted by shmegegge at 3:37 PM on April 16, 2009

I follow him (Michael Ian Black, not Mr. Bauer) on Twitter where he is pretty entertaining.
posted by ND¢ at 3:39 PM on April 16, 2009

Can't get to the YT link, but based on the suitcase link:

Yea, when I heard the elevator comment, I was totally "you're not supposed to use the elevator in case of a fire, for a number of reasons, you see..."

And my takeaway? No, that guy's not awesome. You know who's awesome? Troy.
posted by FuManchu at 3:40 PM on April 16, 2009

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by pushing paper and bottoming chairs at 3:51 PM on April 16, 2009

From his website:

Favorite Quote:
"Man's greatest fear is not being inadequate, but powerful beyond measure"


I got measured for powerfulness today and luckily I'm still inside the red zone.
posted by digsrus at 3:52 PM on April 16, 2009 [7 favorites]

I confess to keeping an awful business card from someone I'll probably never meet again, for a business I'll never use (something about avoiding taxes in Texas), but he was quite the charmer. I was seated next to him on a flight from Denver to LA; he had to have been around 80 years old. His business card was parchment colored economy-stock paper, was the size of two cards folded in half, and had the lyrics to his (self-penned) company fight song printed on the back in 12 point, Old West-style font. It never ceases to give me a grin when I happen upon it in my junk drawer - remembering how he sang his fight song to me (and the flight attendants) no fewer than 3 times (to the tune of the Marine's Hymn), and how he'd paged through the entire Sky Mall catalog and pointed out which were the best deals on the finest merchandise (gold-dipped roses). He had good candy, too.
posted by krippledkonscious at 3:55 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

No, that guy's not awesome.

His level of AWESOME is obviously far beyond any AWESOME that you can comprehend. Don't worry about it, though FuManchu. When you haven't reached the level of AWESOME that Bauer is functioning at, you don't know what it's like and you won't know what you're missing.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:00 PM on April 16, 2009

Funny how he has the most awesome business card of all time... but still needs a YouTube video to promote himself. And I'd still never heard of him. Okay, I lie, it's not funny. Not at all.
posted by asfuller at 4:29 PM on April 16, 2009

Wow, that how to pack a suitcase video is awesome. I think he fit a plate of beans in there (well, two in case one breaks).
posted by starman at 4:33 PM on April 16, 2009

ColdChef: And this thread would be incomplete without the greatest business card ever.

No, no. THIS is the best business card ever.
posted by koeselitz at 4:52 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

My favorite on there is 'Computer Verification.'

"Yes, sir... that there is definitely a computer, Earl."
posted by koeselitz at 4:56 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

My one year old would think his card was really interesting, but then again she thinks the junk mail is interesting.
posted by nola at 5:07 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

He looks like Kevin McDonald's hunky brother.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:11 PM on April 16, 2009

His business card is a pop-up book. ~ indicating "jerkbag" motion ~
posted by boo_radley at 5:25 PM on April 16, 2009

Gob Bluth from Arrested Development.
posted by tighttrousers at 5:38 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

His card is so nice it makes me want to get impeccably dressed and kill him with a chainsaw.
posted by The Deej at 5:48 PM on April 16, 2009

This guy obviously cries a lot at night, while standing in front of a mirror and slapping himself in the face.
posted by orme at 5:56 PM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

"It's not about being loved, it's about being effective!"

Huh, you're all laughing...

So when I say that to my boss I'm probably not doing myself any favors?
posted by njbradburn at 6:11 PM on April 16, 2009

As a journalist, I use people's business cards daily, keeping them in a Rolodex. This guy's $4 card? It's lost.
posted by bigskyguy at 6:24 PM on April 16, 2009

Tossing my favorite business card into the ring.
posted by bookwo3107 at 6:27 PM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

ScottEVest for those of you who are interested in a jacket with 52 pockets.

My sister got me one of those jackets. It comes with a card in each of the 52 pockets telling you what to put in that pocket (some of them are pretty funny). I keep all these cards in their pockets, and neve put anything else in any of the pockets. Why?

One day I put on the jacket, put my keys in the jacket, then went to my car. Then I stood there in the parking lot looking like an idiot searching through all 52 pockets trying to find my keys.
posted by eye of newt at 6:28 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

By the way, some of us scan business cards into our computer using a business card scanner so the data is organized and available wherever we are. His card isn't scannable. Like bigskyguy says, it's lost.
posted by eye of newt at 6:32 PM on April 16, 2009

I tried to watch the 'packing a suitcase' video, but I gave up after he caressed his laptop bag seductively and called it a SIDE SATCHEL.
posted by HopperFan at 6:46 PM on April 16, 2009

Today I deviated from my usual & left the music running while watching the vid. It was "Evil Will Prevail" by the Flaming Lips & it worked. Nicely.
posted by morganw at 7:04 PM on April 16, 2009

Uwe Boll is, at this very moment, clawing his way across his couch trying to reach his phone to call this guy up and get him to make a set of business cards that are as overwrought as his movies.
posted by Severian at 7:10 PM on April 16, 2009

Joel says Tim Hall is All About You.

And he loves Jorge Bueno.

And Benjamin Ellingson.

And Aussie Rob.

And David Julian Price.

And Glen Somebody.

And Rex Richard.

and Joe Kasper.

And Troy Patching.

And Dane Shakespeare makes him ROTATE!

I think I've fallen down the rabbit hole.
posted by mmoncur at 7:14 PM on April 16, 2009

Proper Japanese business card etiquette.
posted by ruddhist at 7:21 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

The suitcase video is incredible. I can't turn away.

While talking about his fancy-ass vest with iPod controls: "I don't even listen to music, but I listen to motivational concepts..."
posted by danb at 7:27 PM on April 16, 2009

I wonder how many times he's been divorced.
posted by MegoSteve at 7:33 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

On his jacket: "You're not gonna find this in any store [dramatic opening snap] IT'S GOT FIFTY-FIVE POCKETS IN IT. You can distribute thirty-five pounds of gear."

On his organic whatever-the-fuck: "This particular thing you throw in a bottle of water, you shake it up, and you have more vitamins and more nutrients than you receive in about a year of what it is you usually eat."

On his shirts and ties: "If I decide to separate the audience from money by offering them something of considerable value, I will wear the pink-on-pink combination."
posted by danb at 7:50 PM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

This guy should move from whatever he does to comedy. He's awesome!
And that's my recommendation if he intends to move progress forward.
posted by PHINC at 7:53 PM on April 16, 2009

I know I've heard this spiel before, years ago. Have we confirmed this isn't viral marketing? It is too perfect to be real.
posted by mecran01 at 8:03 PM on April 16, 2009

This is really all about penis, isn't it?
posted by Zack_Replica at 9:24 PM on April 16, 2009

My first business card was a very thin plastic, with printing on both sides, so that it could not be torn, dissolve in a laundered pocket nor written on (i.e., co-opted for another use).

I still keep one or two around for kicks; unfortunately, they were that orange-and-black combo that heralded the dot-bomb era.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:48 PM on April 16, 2009

Time to up the ante. Not one but two sites chock full of innovative, creative & just plain weird business card designs. There's something here for everyone.
posted by scalefree at 10:57 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

The worst thing for me is that he sounds slightly like Jeff Goldblum, forever tarring JG. However, a I'm sure JG spoofing this guy would be hilarious if he ever becomes famous enough to be spoofed.

If I were on the road 300 days a year I'd actually appreciate that suitcase video. Fortunately I don't stay at jobs with too much business travel.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:06 PM on April 16, 2009

Here's My Card
posted by inconsequentialist at 11:36 PM on April 16, 2009

Your card is lame.

The woz owns you.
posted by 5imian at 11:53 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

For the first 30 seconds of watching this, I thought I had discovered a new and rather brilliant source of satire on the web. There has got to be a word for the creeping feeling of...contamination...that comes from realising that a) This guy is actually serious and b) I just spent two minutes and nine seconds of my life watching him overthink a piece of cardboard.
posted by embrangled at 2:14 AM on April 17, 2009

This reminds me of my sojourn at Kinko's. We designed a card for a fellow who sells "pimp cups." It was 3.5 x 3.5, much like that fellow's. When we mentioned that it wouldn't fit in anyone's wallet, he said, "my customers don't use wallets." He then demonstrated fitting it into a money clip. I kept one and use it as a bookmark.

There are no new ideas.
posted by ZeroDivides at 4:33 AM on April 17, 2009

Back when I was merrily romping about in the cocky dotcom days of the early 90s, I had a particular rush of brilliance that led me to print a batch of these cards:

          (email address)
             HAVE ROOT
            WILL TRAVEL

I stopped giving them out because I had to keep explaining it. At least the printing was cheap and the stock nice so I could use 'em for foolscap.
posted by Spatch at 5:25 AM on April 17, 2009

embrangled, no one overthinks anything here on metafilter.
posted by the aloha at 6:33 AM on April 17, 2009

Your business crap is crap...but is it GRM?



(Good Roach Material)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 6:43 AM on April 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

My response to this jackhole is this: no, it doesn't fit in a a Rolodex. But that's bad. Because when you put your ego ahead of the consideration of the recipient, he thinks you're an asshole. And you obviously are.

It's not a business card; it's recycling.
posted by grubi at 9:30 AM on April 17, 2009

I build crowds.

And it seems he does. I kind of like him.
posted by NekulturnY at 10:08 AM on April 17, 2009

pfft, he only build strathmore stock crowds.

i'm telling you all, in 15 years my card will be awesome. blow his right out of the water.
posted by the aloha at 11:02 AM on April 17, 2009

I think we should have a meetup at a Joel Bauer talk. I have a burning desire to be understood.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:17 AM on April 17, 2009

Saw this a few days back... I assumed it was a spoof.

I know of a writer who had an electronic business card that fitted in a cd-drive... had their complete works on it. Beat that Joel.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:54 PM on April 17, 2009

From about 30 seconds into the suitcase video, about some other speaker:

He's the only speaker I allow to speak at the end of my events. Not only does this generate additional revenue, it saves lives -- because what he delivers empowers people.

posted by rottytooth at 2:16 PM on April 17, 2009

You know who else cared about off-white stock?
posted by shadytrees at 2:20 PM on April 17, 2009

From the suitcase video (which is continual awesome)...

"Juvo... this particular thing... you throw it into a bottle of water, you shake it up, and you have more vitamins and more nutrients than from about a year of what you usually eat"

Does science know about this?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:50 PM on April 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

rottytooth: "He's the only speaker I allow to speak at the end of my events. Not only does this generate additional revenue, it saves lives -- because what he delivers empowers people."

Damnit, man, that's Troy! Who I admired earlier He's the man handling the camera in that video as well.
posted by FuManchu at 3:18 PM on April 17, 2009

ND¢ 's post on Joel telling you how to pack is a jaw dropper too . Thanks , ND¢
posted by celerystick at 12:00 AM on April 18, 2009

"Juvo... this particular thing... you throw it into a bottle of water, you shake it up, and you have more vitamins and more nutrients than from about a year of what you usually eat"

Wow.

It's hard not to begin to like this guy, he's obviously overcompensating for something profoundly tragic.
posted by Skygazer at 7:19 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

He has a blog, where he says of this video:

This video clip (featured here on a top-rated Australian Television Show) was extracted (not posted by our offices) from a movie short I ACTED in over a decade ago. It features an over-the-top personality style I developed for the director of this film. It has made the VIRAL rounds online now, and though it is not an attractive representation of the Joel of today–it has delivered some massive media appearance opportunities in the midst of less than positive commentary.

If that's acting, he's a hell of an actor.
posted by Zed at 6:43 AM on April 22, 2009

alright, screw it. I hate him again Zed. Sociopaths are such a pain in the ass.
posted by Skygazer at 10:55 PM on April 22, 2009

Meat Cards, business cards made from meat.
posted by scalefree at 7:31 AM on April 24, 2009

One of the best "out of the Rolodex" business cards I ever saw was from an 80+ year old insurance salesman who printed his contact info on emery boards. Women in our office would practically line up for his cards.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:00 PM on April 27, 2009

Wow. I watched the business card video and I hated this guy- really hated him. He struck me as the kind of go-go, self-enchanted, MLM-lovin', motivational-tape-listenin'-to eighties stereotype that I've come to loathe during the years of the Republican ascendancy.

Then I watched the suitcase video.

He loves his pockets, he does. He can fit a Vaio into his jacket without bulking! See that, Troy? I'll demonstrate again, until I feel the appreciation. Karate pants-- Indestructable. Pima. Double stitched. Those vests with a million pockets? I want one! Power sources are so much more important than I'll ever give them credit for.
Troy. Saves. Lives.
The alternate pronunciations of "Juma"- clearly, the uninitiated will cling to the 'J' sound, even as their bodies are being flooded with more nutrients than they could consume in A YEAR.... (and for a fleeting moment, there's Troy in the mirror... what are you thinking, Troy? How will you escape?)

I love this guy. He's my absolute human opposite. If we had sex -NO! Less than that, If we shared a parking lot, stars might explode. Stay away from me Joel!
posted by maryh at 3:19 AM on May 13, 2009 [1 favorite]