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George Lucas ruined my life
April 24, 2009 3:31 AM   Subscribe

"Hi, I'm Mrs Han Solo and I'm an alcoholic" - Carrie Fisher roasts George Lucas (SLYT) (Previously)
posted by fearfulsymmetry (53 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
Old George Lucas looks like old Rosemary Clooney, if old Rosemary Clooney had grown a beard. And maybe she did, for all I know.
posted by pracowity at 3:46 AM on April 24, 2009


Is it me, or does Carrie Fisher's voice sound a lot like Candice Bergen's?

Either way, good stuff.
posted by bwg at 3:48 AM on April 24, 2009


Carrie Fisher is pretty awesome. However, from reading her blog and watching tv appearances and such, I must say she reminds of my batty aunt. Who is the black sheep of the family.
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 3:50 AM on April 24, 2009


Ol' Carrie ain't wrapped real tight, is she?
posted by Optamystic at 3:51 AM on April 24, 2009


I know this is off-topic, but I really, really want to know and I haven't levelled up my Force Google stat enough to find out on my own.

What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck? It looks like he's wearing a seal as a scarf.

No, really. Is it some kind of condition, or is it just natural?



Also, awesome speech! Carrie Fisher is mad fiery.
posted by teresci at 3:58 AM on April 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck? It looks like he's wearing a seal as a scarf.

No, really. Is it some kind of condition, or is it just natural?


Yeah and it's like he thinks that shaped beard that unnaturally ends at his jawline somehow helps. I think if he just let the beard grow on down his neck he'd look a lot more normal.
posted by poppo at 4:02 AM on April 24, 2009


it's like the borscht belt, only newer...and with gentiles too.
posted by billybobtoo at 4:03 AM on April 24, 2009


I'd like to think that C3PO standing there on stage with R2 was typically mortified at such a impolite exchange between the humans.
posted by nudar at 4:05 AM on April 24, 2009 [4 favorites]


Patton Oswalt on George Lucas
posted by Optamystic at 4:12 AM on April 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


The party-goers sat and laughed as they drank their wine, ate their $150 per head meals and watched the likes of Carrie Fisher, William Shatner, Robin Williams and Tom Hanks roast and celebrate the life of George Lucas.

Next to those doing the roasting, up there on that stage, stood C-3PO and R2-D2 and Storm Troopers danced as William Shatner 'sang' I Did It My Way.

Above the assembled crowd hung giant replicas of ships from the Star Wars films.

And those who came to do the roasts all did their comedy act, but in typical roast form, they managed to get in several mentions of how talented and visionary Lucas was.

From up on high, perched behind a table upon his throne, Lucas watched the show and laughed evily, like the terrible Palpatine he created oh so many moons ago. Those who cared to steel a glance his way would have been forgiven for thinking Lucas was hiding something.

And they would have been right.

At the end of the show, Lucas, his jowl swanning in the wind like a grand cape, strode to the stage and there he announced that which no-one there that fateful night could have expected.

"YO YO YO ALL!" Lucas declared to the crowd through a lightsaber shaped microphone. "I hope you all liked the show. But guess what? It wasn't a roast, as you all had thought! This was the filming of Star Wars Episode 7: Revenge of the Return of the Ewoks!"

There was almost complete silence in the room, bar for a few audible gasps and coughs. Was Lucas serious? He answered the question almost immediately.

"Yes, for those wondering. I am serious. Everything you saw here tonight was Star Wars Episode 7. And it'll be great and it'll make me a shit-load more money. And none of you can criticise me because like all y'all said... I GOTS DA VISION!"

As Lucas laughed like a megalomaniacal madman up on the stage, Twitters had already begun Twittering about the news and Slashdotters were already writing slash fiction, although some wondered why.

He had proved his critics wrong. Lucas did indeed have the last laugh...
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:19 AM on April 24, 2009 [10 favorites]


William Shatner weighs in, in his own inimitable musical way.
posted by Edwahd at 4:20 AM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck? It looks like he's wearing a seal as a scarf.

It's a Gypsy curse. With every bad, self-indulgent movie George Lucas makes, his neck grows a little larger to punish him. But, not all hope is lost, for it is foretold that if he ever makes a good movie again, not necessarily well written, directed or acted, just good popcorn fun, his neck will shrink three sizes that day and all will be well with the world. So, it's pretty much permanent.
posted by stavrogin at 4:21 AM on April 24, 2009 [11 favorites]


But, not all hope is lost

So, we have A New Hope?
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:27 AM on April 24, 2009 [4 favorites]


Lucas' choice in facial hair is known as the bloatee: "When a dude of gravity tries to distinguish his face from his neck by arbitrarily shaping facial hair that is the bloatee."
posted by adipocere at 4:33 AM on April 24, 2009 [9 favorites]


I remember growing up and having a huge crush on Carrie Fisher. As I've gotten older and started reading her blog, I realized it has become an awesome crush.
posted by Chocomog at 4:34 AM on April 24, 2009 [10 favorites]


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck? It looks like he's wearing a seal as a scarf.


He's trying to become one of these
posted by Bummus at 4:40 AM on April 24, 2009


Watching Carrie Fisher co-host TCM's "Essentials" series was always amusing. She came on just so cheerfully off-kilter compared to the steady and placid Robert Osborne, and it was great to watch her just veer totally off course to tell some almost-but-not-quite-off-color story about Debbie Reynolds ("Well, at that time, Mom was...") when they were supposed to be discussing Michael Curtiz or somesuch.

Fisher was replaced by Rose McGowan and now Alec Baldwin and the discussion before and after each featured movie has gone back to "Boy, this film is great and here's why". I guess that's okay, but I do love Carrie Fisher's manic energy, no matter which vector it speeds off on.
posted by Spatch at 5:23 AM on April 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


Ol' Carrie ain't wrapped real tight, is she?

If you read Bob Woodward's biography of John Belushi, you sort of get a little weirded out when you notice that every other incident involving him snorting coke somehow mentions that Carrie Fisher's also in the room.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 5:42 AM on April 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


The bourbon and cheap cigars are strong with this one. Would love to hear her sing.
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:44 AM on April 24, 2009


She came on just so cheerfully off-kilter compared to the steady and placid Robert Osborne

I think Osborne was absolutely terrified of her. He tells stories of interviewing and being terrified of Mickey Rooney and sitting still and acting calm, as though that would dispel the mounting fear. Same principle with Fisher.
posted by blucevalo at 5:50 AM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


The rest of the AFI channel on youtube has some other similar great stuff from other awards...
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:53 AM on April 24, 2009


Looks like Lucas received this in 2005. He was the 33rd recipient.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:54 AM on April 24, 2009


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck? It looks like he's wearing a seal as a scarf.

I'm pretty sure it's from all the cupcakes.
posted by Who_Am_I at 5:57 AM on April 24, 2009


Why do beautiful people have to go and mess up their faces like that? And no, I'm not talking about Lucas...or Spielberg...
posted by PostOfficeBuddy at 6:18 AM on April 24, 2009


I think Osborne was absolutely terrified of her.

I think you're absolutely right, and I think that probably helped make it more entertaining. I have no doubts that Fisher's not on the show anymore because she simply had Other Committments.
posted by Spatch at 6:27 AM on April 24, 2009


Ah, George Lucas. If only you'd died right after THX-1138, you'd be rightfully hailed as a genius.
posted by rusty at 6:41 AM on April 24, 2009


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck?

He's Raxacoricofallapatorian.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:58 AM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


I like(d?) Carrie Fisher and I can see how she can be appealing as a train wreck, someone you'd want to be on your hug-and-a-kiss-at-the-party list.

I just checked her blog and she's certainly a spirited writer, but I hadn't been aware (or remembered) about Fisher find Greg Stevens's body in her guest room a few years back. You know, Greg who-hatched-the-SwiftBoat Veterans For Truth-campaign Stevens?!

The only way I could look past that political elbow-and-other-bits rubbing is if Fisher whacked Stevens herself. Unfortunately, LA coroner David Campbell found no foul play.
posted by mistersquid at 7:13 AM on April 24, 2009


Some of them are jokes she's used in other places. But still, the delivery was great.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:51 AM on April 24, 2009


Carrie Fisher has been recycling the same material for at least a decade now. While much of it works well once, it wears.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:54 AM on April 24, 2009


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck?

Lucas is Fisher's Jabba.
posted by swift at 7:59 AM on April 24, 2009


I figured it would have to be something as the focus to just blatantly crap on Lucas. But that joke's got legs!
posted by P.o.B. at 8:09 AM on April 24, 2009


She does the same "did I know it would be a hit" joke in her one-woman show, Wishful Drinking, which I heartily recommend going to see if you are in the Seattle area.
posted by nomisxid at 8:20 AM on April 24, 2009


Well, her fictionalized autobiography was titled Postcards from the Edge. The real one, like her show, is titled Wishful Drinking, and gives some insight, e.g.:

The first time I took drugs was when I was 13. My family had a holiday house in Palm Springs.... Periodically, my mother used to rent it out to some people who, after one of their stays, left behind a bag of marijuana.

My mother came to me and said: 'Dear, I thought instead of you smoking pot where you might get caught and get in trouble - I thought you and I might experiment with it together.' At the time, and let's face it - even now - I couldn't imagine anything weirder. But my mother got swept back up in the whirlwind of her life and forgot about the idea.

Once it became obvious our proposed experiment had slipped her mind, I snuck into her underwear drawer and stole the pot, subsequently experimenting my brains out in my tree house....

At a certain point in my early 20s, my mother started to worry about my obviously ever-increasing drug ingestion. So she ended up doing what any concerned parent would do. She called Cary Grant.

posted by dhartung at 8:37 AM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck? It looks like he's wearing a seal as a scarf.

Those are "The Girdles of Wealth." They're a two piece accessory set that are worn at the neck and midsection. With the fickle nature of hard currency these days, people of Lucas' considerable wealth tend to diversify their portfolios into more dependable assets, like High Fructose Corn Syrup and Saturated Fats, which they then store in these Girdles of Wealth.
posted by shmegegge at 8:38 AM on April 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


also, Carrie Fisher is fucking hysterical. I have to remember to put Postcards From The Edge in my netflix queue.
posted by shmegegge at 8:39 AM on April 24, 2009


Man. Those lips. It's gone too far when I can hear the collagen injections.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:08 AM on April 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know who should send Lucas a thank-you cheque? The company that sells the vacuum-forming equipment used by the fanboys to make stormtrooper costumes. That guy owes Lucas big-time.

Also, Carrie Fischer is pretty fracking funny.
posted by GuyZero at 9:37 AM on April 24, 2009


four year old filter
posted by ornate insect at 10:25 AM on April 24, 2009


FTFY
posted by JBennett at 10:53 AM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


oh lord.
posted by shmegegge at 10:57 AM on April 24, 2009


You can see her talking about her Manic-Depressive condition in Stephen Fry's fantastic documentary "The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive"
posted by kolophon at 11:14 AM on April 24, 2009


Damn, forgot the link: She appears at the end of part 1, starting at 7:40, and the beginning of part 2
posted by kolophon at 11:18 AM on April 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Never go with a hippie to a second location.
posted by Artw at 11:51 AM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


What the heck is up with George Lucas's neck?

Hurr hurr hurr... gewarr bweblopp!
posted by Artw at 11:53 AM on April 24, 2009


Artw: You beat me to it. That episode was inspired genius, and Carrie was a particular treat.
posted by ZakDaddy at 12:36 PM on April 24, 2009


I love her so hard.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:31 PM on April 24, 2009


The only way I could look past that political elbow-and-other-bits rubbing is if Fisher whacked Stevens herself. Unfortunately, LA coroner David Campbell found no foul play.

....She seems just smart enough to have figured out how to have covered her tracks, though. I wouldn't put it past her. (nods)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:38 PM on April 24, 2009


Britain's first Jedi police woman harnesses the Force to catch criminals
posted by homunculus at 2:48 PM on April 24, 2009


While that was an enjoyable clip, I don't think it can top Cloris Leachman at Bob Saget's roast.
posted by A dead Quaker at 4:02 PM on April 24, 2009


Oh, sorry, that was only a part of it. They do have a part 2 up as well. "You, the fat one. No, not you. The fat, ugly one."
posted by A dead Quaker at 4:14 PM on April 24, 2009


She does the same "did I know it would be a hit" joke in her one-woman show, Wishful Drinking, which I heartily recommend going to see if you are in the Seattle area.

I've known she was doing this for a while, and I keep meaning to go, but it just hit me - I'm in the same city as Carrie Fisher. Theoretically, I could bump into her in a bar, or in the grocery store, maybe even in the movie theater!

I could cut her off in traffic and get flipped off by her. I could be in front of her in line at the grocery store, and after I spend a maddening amount of time fumbling with my coupons and yogurt, she could roll her eyes and insult me in some witty, cutting way.

Truly, the stuff dreams are made of.
posted by heathkit at 10:54 PM on April 24, 2009


Yeah, Lucas ruined my life too.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:12 PM on April 24, 2009


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