Wrapped in a shiny pink and sliver package, this delicate "chocolate finger" is intended for women. The word "finger" is an industry term for a long, slim confection, Mars spokesman Ryan Bowling says, but with ads that invite you to "Pleasure yourself" in pink lettering, consumers might come to other conclusions.
As METAFILTER™ commenters we are spontaneous - we shimmer! And when it's good? We share it. So let yourself go! posted by Kinbote at 9:12 PM on May 17 [1 favorite has favorites]
What's up with that silhouette on the front page? It looks like a woman with a mop handle shoved up her butt. posted by delmoi at 9:22 PM on May 17 [10 favorites has favorites]
On the one hand, targeting women with their own chocolate bar is genius. The pink wrapper and overly sexual marketing, not so much. It comes off as condescending, but then again I've eaten chocolate packed with nuts, what do I know? posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:23 PM on May 17
>What, pleasuring myself with Twix isn't good enough now?
Well, these are individually wrapped. Not every woman is so voracious she needs two bars at once to satisfy her chocolate cravings. posted by Decimask at 9:28 PM on May 17 [3 favorites has favorites]
"You'll never know when you will need a FLING™, and at under 85 calories per finger, anytime is the right time. Keep things interesting and try a FLING™ Chocolate Finger in all three flavors – Milk Chocolate, Dark Chocolate, and Hazelnut – a ménage of flavors. Variety is the spice of life, so tear it open and sneak in a quickie."
Careful ladies, that ménage is actually 255 calories. posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:28 PM on May 17
From the FAQ:
What makes it shimmer?
Fairy dust. Just kidding. The shimmer is actually a FDA approved mineral called Mica, that shimmers and is used occasionally by specialty chocolatiers to add a unique and attractive sparkle to gourmet chocolate.
Like the women who crave it, FLING needs to be handled with care — try not to ruffle our delicate truffles and keep them in a cool, dry place. Between 65-75 degrees is ideal. Then you can pleasure yourself with this chocolate sensation time and time again
Whatever. I like my fingers hot and wet, not cool and dry, please. I don't need a fling, but a strong, sustainable chocolate bar that won't melt under pressure when asked to do what I expect purchase it to do. posted by raztaj at 9:38 PM on May 17 [3 favorites has favorites]
One of these would go good with a pancake. posted by buzzman at 9:38 PM on May 17
Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "Mica?! Then why the hell did Mars reject my Fiberglass Peanut Butter Cups idea? They shimmered, too."
Or mayonnaise. Yum, mayonnaise. Could be that mid-life change that some experience. Hmmm.... thick condiment, with a nice chocolate melt. posted by buzzman at 10:08 PM on May 17
Whatever. I like my fingers hot and wet, not cool and dry, please. I don't need a fling, but a strong, sustainable chocolate bar that won't melt under pressure when asked to do what I expect purchase it to do.
Well the melting point of Cocoa Butter is just 93° to 100°F, so I doubt you'd have much luck finding one. posted by delmoi at 10:12 PM on May 17
Well the melting point of Cocoa Butter is just 93° to 100°F, so I doubt you'd have much luck finding one.
Wouldn't the chocolate melt if a woman used it to masturbate? In fact, wouldn't it do so long before orgasm?
You could cool it by running a line of very cold vodka or other refrigerant through it. That way, while you were pleasuring yourself with a chocolate you'd also have the nerve-killing joy of a speculum that had been kept in the freezer, and if you weren't extremely careful you'd break it open and a torrent of supercooled liquor would pour out and give you serious frostbite of the junk.
The real revelation here (from the sfcitizen.com link) is that Mars Snackfoods apparently has a Vice President of Indulgence. I may have a new career goal.
I know it probably seems like a glamorous position, but it has a checkered past, especially since the abuses committed at the Keebler Treehouse during the protracted and expensive War on Chunky were brought to light. posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:42 PM on May 17 [4 favorites has favorites]
In the failed search to find the thing that showed that Dove is really bad at indulging us on the fair/direct-trade front, I discovered this delightful news about Cadbury! posted by aniola at 10:46 PM on May 17 [2 favorites has favorites]
from article: "The overall campaign feels weird," Lisa Johnson says. "It feels creepy." Johnson is the co-author of 'Don't Think Pink: What Really Makes Women Buy — and How to Increase Your Share of This Crucial Market.'
... and is therefore a certified expert on 'creepy.' posted by koeselitz at 10:50 PM on May 17
I think we've all learned a very valuable lesson. posted by killdevil at 11:21 PM on May 17
So the Fling, at 16 grams, has 85 calories to a Fun-Sized* Twix's 80 calories. It's the same candy, isn't it? It must be the mica. Who knew bling had a caloric value.
*This "Fun Size" designation has irked me since I was a little trick or treater. It's less a candy bar than a hint, a shadow of a candy bar. It's a deceitful little promise that the full sized bar will be the high point of your day, while of course it's usually just a waxy drag that makes you want to brush your teeth. Still, the Twix is nice and this thing sounds sort of appealing. I would have called this thing Le Twex! The CoaCo iJoy For Your Mouth Fertile Ladies! posted by maryh at 11:25 PM on May 17 [2 favorites has favorites]
actually, i recently tried a fling candybar, and it was totally delicious. a friend gave it to me. she was intrigued that it was "low-calorie" - are not! the wording on that is completely misleading. but the candybar was really good. much better than twix. even so, i never would have tried these on my own. the packaging looks like it's for... tampons.
seriously, that's what i thought when i saw 'em at my corner market. i was confused. WHY would anyone put tampons in the candy section. i thought it might be like when stores put beer next to diapers. posted by lapolla at 12:12 AM on May 18 [3 favorites has favorites]
I'd wondered what was that edible metal on the top of those weird Indian candies. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle. Also I should mention something about women masturbating. posted by Stylus Happenstance at 12:41 AM on May 18
It was either this or the writer talking about being a bad mother. posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:30 AM on May 18
they really don't taste much like twix. there is no cookie in flings and there is no caramel goo factor. the similarity between the two is pretty much in the shape. and flings are only like, a distant cousin to 3 musketeers. they actually remind me a bit of violet crumble bars, except the crisp is not honeycomb; rather, it has a slightly cocoa flavor. there is a greater ratio of chocolate to crisp, too.
also, the chocolate in the flings is very creamy, with almost a mousse texture to it. the combination of textures is very nice, creamy and crisp. it doesn't change much if you freeze 'em. the sweetness of both chocolate and crisp is strong, but not cloying. they're pretty good, and i don't even really like candybars all that much. (yep, you know it - i'd rather have bacon.) and now i suppose must tell you of this...
I just thought of something. Mica, I would assume, is not digested, and would therefore pass through the digestive tract intact. So, there may be a chance that eating a significant amount of Fling bars could give you sparkly poop.
Leave it to NPR to not report that this is HALF of a new marketing push for Mars. One candy for women, and one for men. The Fling, as we've seen already, for women, and a Wank, for men. posted by boo_radley at 6:02 AM on May 18
I'd prefer to think of the product's creation entirely as a challenge from the heads of M&M/Mars to their R&D and marketing departments. They had to find a way to get people to eat... oh, let's pick something at random herrrrrrrrrrrre... mica. posted by Spatch at 6:07 AM on May 18 [1 favorite has favorites]
This has managed to ruin both chocolate and sex for me. Terrific. Cliche Woman cannot live by shoes alone, you know. posted by rosebuddy at 6:24 AM on May 18 [1 favorite has favorites]
It will take more than a delicate finger of chocolate to satisfy my needs. If you really want to pleasure me, bring home a King Size Snickers. Then we can talk, big boy. posted by Evangeline at 7:08 AM on May 18
and a Wank, for men
Feels like there should be chocolate eggs and chocolate babies in there somewhere. posted by zerokey at 7:29 AM on May 18
They should have just resurrected the Mars bar, taken out the almonds and renamed it the Mrs. posted by emelenjr at 7:36 AM on May 18 [1 favorite has favorites]
WHY would anyone put tampons in the candy section.
I've run into a few grocery stores that puts chocolate in the tampons/feminine hygiene section. I guess it boosts sales. posted by Talanvor at 7:45 AM on May 18
There's nothing wrong with eating minerals so long as you know what you're going for. Halite, after all, is table salt. Mica's harmless, I eat it in the field all the time, mostly on accident. And sylvite, while technically perfectly safe, is just disgusting.
But then there's things like cinnabar and gold and minerals containing cyanide, which will kill you good and dead. So know what minerals you're lookin at before you eat them, kids. posted by six-or-six-thirty at 12:12 PM on May 18
I just thought of something. Mica, I would assume, is not digested, and would therefore pass through the digestive tract intact.
I'm fairly sure, actually, that this would not work. Mica isn't all that resilient, really, and is easily broken down with acid. I'm pretty sure stomach acid would do a good job of breaking it down into a clay like illite or smectite. So your poop will just be more brown.
Feel free to try it, though, I don't want to stomp on anyone's dreams. posted by six-or-six-thirty at 12:20 PM on May 18
85 calories per finger? I'd have to eat two hands' worth... posted by Never teh Bride at 1:06 PM on May 18
Feel free to try it, though, I don't want to stomp on anyone's dreams.
Sexy chocolate finger? *makes shocker gesture, glances at pinky, shakes head dismissively* posted by BrotherCaine at 2:37 PM on May 18
"They should have just resurrected the Mars bar, taken out the almonds and renamed it the Mrs."
Resurrected? Almonds? What kind of strange candies have you been flirting with?
I love a good Mars Bar, but they make the darn things so small these days, the experience is over far too quickly. posted by Kevin Street at 5:12 PM on May 18
Some woman was handing out samples of the Fling and my kids (both boys) each grabbed one (never ones to pass by free candy). They loved them! Considering all the chocolate lovers out there who don't necessarily want to eat (or feed their kids) too many wasted calories, it seems a shame that they chose a small subset of this market to advertise to: women for whom chocolate=illicit sex.
At least I'm assuming that this is a small subset. posted by eye of newt at 7:51 PM on May 18
Has anyone made the obligatory "once you go brown..." joke yet?
(Oh wait they're small? Never mind then.)
For my money, when the wife wants chocolate, I buy her some 70% cacao or better fair trade stuff. Not that Mars waxy crap. posted by caution live frogs at 9:43 PM on May 18
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Consumers might come by pleasuring themselves with fingers. Got it.
posted by ColdChef at 9:11 PM on May 17 [6 favorites has favorites]