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WHILE YOU WERE READING THIS ... I FARTED
June 30, 2009 12:30 PM   Subscribe

If you're tired of boring twee t-shirts with birds and swirly stuff and junk on them, maybe it's time you started running with the Big Dogs. From "Fart Now Loading" to "Talk Slower - I don't speak STUPID", Big Dogs brand graphic tees are a great way to communicate your hip, in-your-face, modern attitude.

But they're not just for middle school anymore - the Big Dogs empire now stretches from Moms to Dads to Grandmas and even Bass Fishermen!

Sadly, some juvenile losers think Big Dogs is some kind of joke. Looks like you CAN'T FIX STUPID!
posted by Optimus Chyme (135 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite

 
This reeks of advertising for bigdog website.
posted by pakoothefakoo at 12:32 PM on June 30, 2009


I think this needs to be cross-referenced to the idiocracy thread.
posted by boo_radley at 12:33 PM on June 30, 2009


Actually, I think it's supposed to be sarcastic.
posted by dead cousin ted at 12:33 PM on June 30, 2009


LOL.
posted by The Straightener at 12:33 PM on June 30, 2009


I opened this expected to see "Banned -- account deleted." Then I saw the poster's name. Now I'm just confused.
posted by Methylviolet at 12:34 PM on June 30, 2009 [10 favorites]


Oh wow, thanks for the high school flashback. I always knew to avoid people in either Big Dogs or Big Johnson t-shirts.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:34 PM on June 30, 2009


This is the kind of dorky t-shirts Marge Simpson would design when trying to launch her e-commerce business that would ultimately fail when Homer launches Springfield's equivalent to T-shirt Hell.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:34 PM on June 30, 2009


I opened this expected to see "Banned -- account deleted." Then I saw the poster's name. Now I'm just confused.

This was my experience exactly.
posted by Captain Cardanthian! at 12:35 PM on June 30, 2009


This has been the most clever example of an deep-cover spammer I have ever seen.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:35 PM on June 30, 2009 [14 favorites]


Reference to three wolf moon shirt.

Complaint that post is shilling.

Derail about rednecks.

Ironic comment from someone with hipster glasses.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:36 PM on June 30, 2009 [10 favorites]


Huh, they make Big Dog t-shirts in small. That's counter to my experience.
posted by boo_radley at 12:36 PM on June 30, 2009 [17 favorites]


Big Dogs is still around? Who knew?

And just as timely and witty as ever, I see.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:36 PM on June 30, 2009




I'M WITH STUPID

posted by not_on_display at 12:40 PM on June 30, 2009 [40 favorites]


That's it. It took almost 5 years and over 3000 posts, but Optimus Chyme finally realized the time was right to make the spam post he originally signed up for.
posted by malphigian at 12:41 PM on June 30, 2009 [10 favorites]


Is this something I would have to wear t-shirts to understand?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:41 PM on June 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


RUFF
posted by klangklangston at 12:43 PM on June 30, 2009


Wow~ I haven't seen Big Dog shirts since college. Thanks for the flashback! :-)
posted by garnetgirl at 12:43 PM on June 30, 2009


I don't wear anything but Big Dog clothing. I feel it helps me stand apart from Big City fashion so I can revel in my own independence.
posted by scrutiny at 12:45 PM on June 30, 2009


Just how LOUD do I have to say MEH?!
posted by gamera at 12:46 PM on June 30, 2009


These dogs are insufficiently rastified for today's youth. Also, they need surfboards.
posted by condour75 at 12:46 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Dudes all the spammy stuff is to give context to the actual meat of the post, which is found by clicking the blue words that say "some juvenile losers think Big Dogs is some kind of joke." But he couldn't just have a single link post that said "Ha! Something Awful is making fun of Big Dogs T-Shirts Check it out lol" Hello!
posted by ND¢ at 12:48 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Big Dogs was about the only thing to make me ashamed to admit I was a Santa Barbara resident.
posted by WolfDaddy at 12:50 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


What the?
posted by box at 12:50 PM on June 30, 2009


When I look back on the stupid fads that accompany each new generation of youth--Pet Rocks, Pogs, Pokemon, other trends of less alliterative title--I sometimes feel the start of a slow smirk of superiority on my face. But then I remember--or more accurately, I am unable to forget--that white cotton-synthetic horror that I was once so proudly displayed to the world. THE EMPIRE BITES BACK, it proclaimed, in bold yellow letters fronting an image of what, the shirt informed me, was DOG VADER. Or perhaps BARK VADER--each possible pun seems no more or no less horrible than the previous, but none offer a chance for redemption.

I like to think this is a memory that is vital--to keep me humble, to remind me of past failures and of the many things I have achieved since filling that vacuum of self awareness. But at night, in the dark and the quiet... I still feel that soft polyblend embrace, and know that, more than anything... I am alone, and that sometimes... I shall fail.
posted by Benjy at 12:51 PM on June 30, 2009 [9 favorites]


Dudes all the spammy stuff is to give context to the actual meat of the post, which is found by clicking the blue words that say "some juvenile losers think Big Dogs is some kind of joke." But he couldn't just have a single link post that said "Ha! Something Awful is making fun of Big Dogs T-Shirts Check it out lol" Hello!

It's such a fine line between stupid and clever.
posted by mazola at 12:52 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Pepsi... Buh? Optimus posted this?

My world... it's turned upside down.
posted by splice at 12:52 PM on June 30, 2009


I feel stoopider already.
posted by GuyZero at 12:53 PM on June 30, 2009


These dogs are insufficiently rastified for today's youth. Also, they need surfboards.

I think you're looking for their spiritual predecessor, Rude Dog
posted by namewithoutwords at 12:53 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


If youtube myspace, I'll google your yahoo. (This is a parody.)
posted by xod at 12:54 PM on June 30, 2009


If you're tired of boring twee t-shirts with birds and swirly stuff and junk on them, . . .

That is the best explanation of that stupid fashion trend I've ever read.
posted by resurrexit at 12:55 PM on June 30, 2009


Optimus Chyme just blew my mind.
posted by thankyoujohnnyfever at 12:55 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Dudes all the spammy stuff is to give context to the actual meat of the post, which is found by clicking the blue words that say "some juvenile losers think Big Dogs is some kind of joke." But he couldn't just have a single link post that said "Ha! Something Awful is making fun of Big Dogs T-Shirts Check it out lol" Hello!
posted by ND¢ at 12:48 PM on June 30


This is mostly true - I think the Big Dog parodies at that link are spot on - but I also find the actual, real, manufactured t-shirts - slaved over by designers and marketers and executive vice-presidents and sweatshop employees alike - to be amazing pieces of modern cultural detritus. Whole factories are in motion, people are growing and harvesting cotton and driving trucks around and drawing anthropomorphic Saint Bernards in Illustrator so some guy in Shinsplint County KY can inform you that HE JUST FARTED DEAL WITH IT
posted by Optimus Chyme at 12:56 PM on June 30, 2009 [33 favorites]


Excellent use of the [more inside] feature. I would never have appreciated Big Dogs mockery without front page linkage to the actual website.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 12:56 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


You Think I'm Tapped Out?

Force of Will baby.
posted by scrutiny at 12:57 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Metafilter's own YoungAmerican's best friend Jordan would like you to know that Big Dogs Masturbate to Updike (on the podcast)
posted by sararah at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Actually, I think it's supposed to be sarcastic.

Actually, it's probably not. Big Dogs has been around for ages, and this has been their MO pretty much since the beginning. They're like the Chris Farley of clothes.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:00 PM on June 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


If you can't run with the big dogs, you best better stay on the porch.
posted by jbickers at 1:02 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Having said that, just the fact that you thought this was sarcastic is a good sign that maybe people will start wearing "HOLD MY BEER WHILE I KISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND" T-shirts ironically.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:02 PM on June 30, 2009


posted by Astro Zombie This has been the most clever example of an deep-cover spammer I have ever seen.

You know who else 'did that'? NOPE, NOT HITLER.
posted by gman at 1:05 PM on June 30, 2009


non-irony is the new irony. (posted ironically. maybe.)
posted by rude.boy at 1:07 PM on June 30, 2009


Without a bunch of rednecks fixing your cars and your plumbing and fighting your wars none of you hipsters would have time to snark at this lame shit.

sorry, started drinking early today.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:08 PM on June 30, 2009 [7 favorites]


Part of me wants to psychoanalyze the Big Dogs phenomenon. What is it saying when you see humor and cultural understanding of I JUST FARTED DEAL WITH IT.

Is it mere anti-intellectualism?

Or is it indicative of one that is aspirational and desires acceptance ("I don't wish to fart. Actually, I wish I were better than I am."), mixed with a recognition of one's own social faux pas ("But I do fart from time to time.") and a negative experience in the past ("One time, I farted and I was shunned for it by those that do not understand my need to fart."), so now one angrily rejects the social niceties and demands that others accept him anyway ("I JUST FARTED DEAL WITH IT.")

It's as if you're saying, "I would like to be a better person, but I can't, and I hate you for your smug sense of disappointment and unwillingness to accept me as I am, so I JUST FARTED DEAL WITH IT."

But the other part me has to get back to work.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2009 [24 favorites]


Fuckin' saved.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:09 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


This was a hilarious post. And if these shirts become hip and ironic, then the homeless will become the hippest people in my town.
posted by gabecal at 1:13 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


IF YOU DON'T GET METAFILTER, THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.
posted by shmegegge at 1:14 PM on June 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


Force of Will baby.

I have been ordered to never play blue again under penalty of a beatdown the next time I counter anything.

Oh, blue, how I miss you. Blue/white, even. Infinite life! Infinite counters! 3 hour games! Muwahaha.

Oh, sorry, kinda got sidetracked there.
posted by splice at 1:15 PM on June 30, 2009


Don't like BIG DOG posts?
What's the matter?
Too much FOOD FOR THOUGHT?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:17 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


TALK SLOWER - I JUST FARTED!
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:18 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


COED
NAKED
METAFILTER

posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:20 PM on June 30, 2009 [14 favorites]


I JUST FARTED, DOES BIG DOG MAKE UNDERWEAR?
posted by FireballForever at 1:21 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I just CALLED YOU OUT on METATALK
DEAL WITH IT
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:23 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'VE MADE SHITS
LONGER
THAN THIS THREAD.
posted by shmegegge at 1:27 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm puzzled that Big Dog is still around and that people think it's worth the time it takes to ridicule. Is this just satire target practice?
posted by chairface at 1:28 PM on June 30, 2009


85%, people. There's still time...
posted by hermitosis at 1:29 PM on June 30, 2009


I CAME HERE FOR TWO REASONS
TO MAKE A COMMENT AND GET FAVORITED
.... AND I JUST MADE A COMMENT
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 1:30 PM on June 30, 2009 [20 favorites]


Is this just satire target practice?

no no. this is snobby leftist elitism intentionally trying to turn Big Dog t shirts into the next hipster fashion statement. we're doing for Big Dog what David Lynch and people with taste buds did for PBR. we're making it so lowbrow and mockworthy that kids in williamsburg will start wearing them "ironically."
posted by shmegegge at 1:31 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Why did I post a SLYT FPP?
Because I CAN
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:32 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


also:

type SLOWER
I don't speak
INTERNET
posted by shmegegge at 1:32 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


You play BLUE AND WHITE?
THAT'S GREAT!
Does your HUSBAND play MAGIC: THE GATHERING too?
posted by ND¢ at 1:36 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think it is safe to say that Optimus' favorite t-shirts suck.
posted by clearly at 1:36 PM on June 30, 2009


Nameitwithoutwords: you win one internet. I forgot that I OWNED some Rude Dog gear.

It's like a repressed memory flooding back that I can't fight now that I REMEMBER it...
posted by indiebass at 1:38 PM on June 30, 2009


TO BE HONEST
I COULD USE A HUG
IT'S KIND OF A WEIRD TIME IN MY LIFE
DEAL WITH IT
posted by naju at 1:39 PM on June 30, 2009 [42 favorites]


If I want to communicate my hip, in-your-face, modern attitude I’ll stick my dull pencils where the sun don’t shine while grooving with my ultracool kick ass woofers.

Fart jokes only seem appropriate, or at least less offensive, in more intimate settings, or hell, even acquaintances at least. It’s sort of like peeing in the shower. You don’t so much mind it if it’s yours or your s/o’s but it goes off the rails in a public shower if its strange pee.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:41 PM on June 30, 2009


Best t-shirt seen in the last week:

#3
DAD
posted by rocket88 at 1:42 PM on June 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


I think this post was too deep for some people.
posted by cimbrog at 1:42 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


LIKE WORLD OF WARCRAFT?
I SEE.
IS D&D TO DEEP FOR YOU?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:43 PM on June 30, 2009


I'm a lucky devil.
posted by grabbingsand at 1:43 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Damnit, Cimbrog.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:44 PM on June 30, 2009


I'D DELETE your POST
but I have to PAINT MY HOUSE
posted by cortex at 1:45 PM on June 30, 2009 [12 favorites]


I'M THE GUY
WHO SUCKS

PLUS I
GOT
DEPRES-
SION
posted by homuncula at 1:49 PM on June 30, 2009 [8 favorites]


SUBS are for WIMPS
MAN UP
and LEARN JAPANESE
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:50 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


BEING PERVERSELY AFRAID OF HIPSTERS
TURNING THINGS THAT "KEEP IT REAL"
INTO IRONIC HUMOR

is now more tiresome than irony itself
posted by setanor at 1:50 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Don't like IRONIC HUMOR?
What's wrong?
AFRAID of my TRUCKER HAT?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:57 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


YOUR REJECTION
OF MY OBESITY
LEADS ME TO
REJECT YOUR SOCIAL CONVENTIONS
posted by GuyZero at 1:58 PM on June 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


IN A BITTER WIND
A SOLITARY MONK BENDS FARTS
TO WORDS CUT IN STONE
posted by everichon at 2:00 PM on June 30, 2009


So wait ... this is the same Big Dogs brand that's been a staple of outlet malls in the Southeast since I was in high school?

It is. It really is. This is the kind of t-shirt that the relative you rarely ever saw would give you on your mid-80s birthday, when what you really wanted was the much cooler Ocean Pacific or Panama Jack t-shirt.
posted by grabbingsand at 2:02 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


May I have a cheeseburger, please?
posted by snofoam at 2:03 PM on June 30, 2009


Want to hear about my
AMERICAN RECOVERY AND REINVESTMENT ACT?
posted by mazola at 2:07 PM on June 30, 2009


Still missing the 'stupid' flag.
posted by fixedgear at 2:17 PM on June 30, 2009


The words you're looking for are
"FLAG AND MOVE ON"
posted by sanko at 2:17 PM on June 30, 2009


America's image abroad would improve immeasurably if US tourists stopped wearing those t-shirts in Europe. Ditto for the camo shorts. Geez.
posted by Artful Codger at 2:25 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I would like to see an actual Big Dog wearing an Ed Hardy design shirt.
posted by dontoine at 2:29 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


My employer (the Canadian Government) has blocked that website as 'tasteless'. Guess I'll have to wait until I get home.
(What, it's 32 minutes to Canada Day and I just wrote an epic, quite masterful e-mail to about 15 people so I thought I deserved a bit of a distraction... I do have just one more e-mail to write though before close of day....)
posted by Flashman at 2:30 PM on June 30, 2009


SHIT HAPPENS
to be coming out
of my ass right now

posted by jefbla at 2:30 PM on June 30, 2009 [11 favorites]


Man, this is better than those haiku and I-have-eaten-the-plums posts.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 2:33 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Needs more Calvin pissing on things he disapproves of.
posted by brundlefly at 2:33 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


Some of you might know this story. Earlier this year, the founder of T-Shirt Hell sends out a newsletter stating that he's done. His staff can't handle the threats from all the 'haters'. Basically, he claimed he had created the biggest t-shirt site on the internet and made a whack load of cash, but wasn't willing to risk his staff's safety any longer. Anyone interested in getting their paws on his t-shirts better act quickly. Like a month or more later, he sends this letter out. Fuckin' genius. (letter may offend some)
posted by gman at 2:38 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


Man, this is better than those haiku and I-have-eaten-the-plums posts.

HAVE EATEN THE PLUM
AND FOR THIS I GET TO WEAR
A LOUSY T-SHIRT
posted by eriko at 2:39 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


One day I hope to own a t-shirt company that sells a shirt known as Attitude Dragon. Nothing quite says badass like a dragon with an attitude. And sunglasses.
posted by graventy at 2:53 PM on June 30, 2009 [5 favorites]


The company was founded back in 1983, and they were fairly popular in Santa Barbara for a while. At one point, there were fewer slogans and more pictures of the simplified St. Bernard look. I remember going with relatives to the store near the beach, because there were no Big Dog stores anywhere else, and they liked the logo or whatnot. I'm sure I had a few of the more plain Big Dog shirts back then. Back before the shirts warned others of impending farts.

But then they went and got all "old dude edgy," with lots of bad puns with the Big Dog mascot. And they have chains across America, where you can get active wear, casual sportswear, accessories and gifts for men and women of all ages, all with fun, humor and a Big Dog attitude, whereby each customer can feel that he or she is a Big Dog.

They also have put on an annual Big Dog Parade in Santa Barbara for the past 14 years, which is apparently the largest dog parade in the country. Somehow I missed that while living in SB.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:56 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


"I guess I should have named it 'T-Shirt Cunt Rape Faggot Nigger', so less of you fuckers would have taken the bait.
Why in the world would I shut down a website that brings so much satisfaction to people who actually have a sense of humor? To customers who can't stand this ever-expanding, politically correct asylum we are imprisoned in?
"

So part of me finds that T-Shirt Hell letter boring as fuck, and part of me thinks 'Well, I guess you're not female, gay, non-Caucasian or have ever been raped, then. That'll be why you feel so OPPRESSED at attempts to LIMIT YOUR FREE SPEECH."
posted by mippy at 3:02 PM on June 30, 2009 [2 favorites]


MY OTHER T-SHIRT
IS A FART JOKE
posted by mazola at 3:10 PM on June 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


Anyway, I'm not American - do people actually wear these? God, these shirts are cheap and nasty. They remind me of the oh-so-unique shirt that says 'Your story has moved me. Never have I heard such a tale. Now fuck off.' which I have seen at least three sweaty, unkempt young men wearing on the tube this week.

Each time I feel fed-up with clothes taht won't fit properly, I think of the mall near my SO's house, and the store in it which sells T-shirts with 'I may be drunk but your {sic} still ugly!' And I'm glad I was born female, somehow.

The debate isn't 'are there some subjects which are off-limits for comedy', more 'is this unfunny thing going to be made magically hilarious via the clumsy injection of SHOCK and OMG BAD WORDS'.
posted by mippy at 3:10 PM on June 30, 2009


SARCASM IS ONE OF THE SERVICES I OFFER
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:29 PM on June 30, 2009


Man, this is better than those haiku and I-have-eaten-the-plums posts.

THIS IS JUST TO SAY
I HAVE WORN THE TSHIRT
THAT WAS IN YOUR DRESSER

AND WHICH YOU WERE
PROBABLY SAVING FOR
TOMORROW

FORGIVE ME
IT WAS SO SOFT
AND I HAD NOTHING CLEAN
AND I BURN SO EASILY
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:30 PM on June 30, 2009 [4 favorites]


I'M WEARING THIS
T-SHIRT ONLY TO
SARCASTICALLY
MAKE FUN OF
OTHER PEOPLE
WHO WEAR
SLOGAN
T-SHIRTS

posted by digsrus at 3:30 PM on June 30, 2009


You know what's bullshit? When someone wearing one of those LEAD, FOLLOW, OR GET OUT OF THE WAY shirts gets pissed off at you for "stalking" them.

I'm all like, "I took the second choice! What the fuck?"

And they're going "Dude, why do you have that axe?"

And I scream "Quit running and I'll show you..."

Something like that anyway.
posted by quin at 3:33 PM on June 30, 2009 [5 favorites]


The debate isn't 'are there some subjects which are off-limits for comedy', more 'is this unfunny thing going to be made magically hilarious via the clumsy injection of SHOCK and OMG BAD WORDS'.

A little further back then Big Dog, there was, for a while, a slew of jokey country-style T-shirts that I never understood. A lot of them featured anthropomorphic animals. There was one of a bored-looking frog in a cowboy hat sitting under the words "I'M SO HAPPY I COULD JUST SHIT", I remember, and others with bon mots about in-laws, ex-wives, and beer. I don't know if it was just one company making them or if it was a part of the late-70s countrified trend fueled by Dukes of Hazard/Cannonball Run/Any Which Way You Can.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:37 PM on June 30, 2009


I had a Big Dogs shirt when I was kid in the mid 80s. I was just the logo, no moronic slogan.
I guess they had to step it up to keep up with the current state of idiocy.
posted by Liquidwolf at 3:41 PM on June 30, 2009



Having said that, just the fact that you thought this was sarcastic is a good sign that maybe people will start wearing "HOLD MY BEER WHILE I KISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND" T-shirts ironically.


they already do at smith college.
posted by liketitanic at 3:59 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I am going to
CUT PHYLLIS'S HEAD OFF
with a
CHAINSAW
rrrreeeeaaaanneeenneeenneeeneee
posted by Xoebe at 4:01 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I had a Big Dogs shirt when I was kid in the mid 80s. I was just the logo, no moronic slogan.
I guess they had to step it up to keep up with the current state of idiocy.


It's been a slow progression. There was thes two, though I remember them being less "extreme" in design (at least the dog looked less angry in memory), but to keep up with the changing technology and add in a joke about staring at boobs, there's this gem, which might be their attempt to balance out these designs.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:04 PM on June 30, 2009


LET ME
DROP EVERYTHING

and FAVORITE
YOUR POST
posted by benzenedream at 4:24 PM on June 30, 2009


I hate these fucking t-shirts.
posted by hellojed at 4:27 PM on June 30, 2009


Makin' Bacon!
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:28 PM on June 30, 2009


Remember those T-shirts for "bad" kids? They were all black with white, fake-typewriter text that said things like "I DRESS THIS WAY TO ANNOY YOU" or "YOU LAUGH BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT. I LAUGH BECAUSE YOU'RE THE SAME."

A long time ago, I made a cafepress site with that style of t-shirt. It read, "THE PICTURE IN THE T-SHIRT CATALOG DIDN'T SHOW THE SUN" and below it was a goofy, cartoony picture of a sun wearing sunglasses. I thought it was pretty funny, but no one bought one.
posted by roll truck roll at 4:28 PM on June 30, 2009 [5 favorites]


My "Absolut Metafilter" t-shirt is, however, awesome, and looks great with my Zubaz or Cavariccis.

If only I could get it in Hypercolor...
posted by NikitaNikita at 4:45 PM on June 30, 2009


Makin' Bacon!

Pigfucker?
posted by quin at 5:06 PM on June 30, 2009


Back when I was water skiing competitively I was inundated with catalogs for the sport. In the back few pages of each one were Big Dog shirts. Thanks for taking me back.

Lazyweb, please find me a list of all the clever shirts Gadzooks used to (still?) sells. You know, the guy in the electric chair holding two slices of bread (making the best of a bad situation), etc. Oh man, I spent agonizing hours in the mall trying to figure out how my $12 would best express my identity.

Next stop: Hypercolor shirts!
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 5:15 PM on June 30, 2009


OPTIMUS CHYME
WENT OFF OVER MATTDIDTHAT
AND ALL I GOT
WAS THIS STUPID T-SHIRT FPP.
posted by misha at 5:22 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


I once saw a guy in an American flag t-shirt that read "These Colors Don't Run!" and he was in a wheelchair.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 5:27 PM on June 30, 2009 [6 favorites]


Big Dog shirts are always featured in Big & Tall catalogs, at least the ones I used to get. Not sure how much this is clever marketing and how much it's just the natural (?) love of large people for declaring that they are the Big Dog.
posted by jtron at 5:29 PM on June 30, 2009


A little further back then Big Dog, there was, for a while, a slew of jokey country-style T-shirts that I never understood.

Ditto this. I remember seeing a "If it ain't COUNTRY, it ain't SHIT!" baseball cap.

Don't think it was intended as a joke tho'.

Can't argue with the sentiment, just the same.
posted by mazola at 5:50 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


MY OTHER
T-SHIRT
IS
A
STUNT
POST.
posted by clearly at 5:56 PM on June 30, 2009


...the natural (?) love of large people for declaring that they are the Big Bacon Dog.
posted by benzenedream at 6:22 PM on June 30, 2009


They have a product out that fixes stupid now.

They call it pain.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 7:08 PM on June 30, 2009 [1 favorite]


YES MY RESUMÉ IS IN ALL-CAPS
posted by furtive at 7:13 PM on June 30, 2009


I like Big Dogs shirts & shorts - not the jokey slogan T-shirts though, for all the reasons stated here - in part because when I go to Big Dogs to buy stuff I don't feel like a freak for wanting a waist size bigger than a 36, or a shirt larger than an "L".
posted by kcds at 7:27 PM on June 30, 2009


I saw a shirt at the Kittery, Maine Big Dogs store that read "Yeah, I came home half-drunk. I ran out of money." I had gone into the store to laugh at the ugly, aggressive t-shirts; when I saw that particular shirt I felt so embarrassed for humanity that I had to leave the store immediately.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:33 PM on June 30, 2009 [3 favorites]


LETS PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE
ILL GO LAST
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:20 PM on June 30, 2009


Pffft. It ain't no Hampton Beach T-Shirt shop.

THE MAN




THE LEGEND
posted by Scoo at 8:26 PM on June 30, 2009


I've just realised what these shirts remind me of.
posted by mippy at 12:32 AM on July 1, 2009


I love to fart
posted by Damn That Television at 1:00 AM on July 1, 2009


I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M SHOUTING
posted by Pronoiac at 1:50 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


Maaaan. Do they still print these kind of shirts on cotton so thin that even the day star on an overcast day only gives passing notice to it before the brightness makes the skin on your back match the color of your neck? (WOO! Redneck joke en passant!)

Also, I'm pretty sure all those t-shirt shops are just a front for money laundering. No shop could afford to run on such a consistant loss... please, don't disabuse me; I still have vague hopes for humanity as a whole.
posted by LD Feral at 5:46 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


WOO! Redneck joke en passant!

Em passant just became my new favorite I'm-smarter-than-you term and style of joke. Well played, my friend.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:11 AM on July 1, 2009


So, this is the opposite of these?
posted by electroboy at 8:15 AM on July 1, 2009


I HAVE LARGE MUSCLES
THAT ATTACH TO MY JOINTS
VIA CARTILAGE AND TENDONS
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 9:13 AM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


I need a t-shirt with two upward-pointing thumbs on it...
posted by This Guy at 9:18 AM on July 1, 2009


WHAT HAS TWO THUMBS?

THIS GUY
posted by Pronoiac at 1:00 PM on July 1, 2009


UGH! Why is this on mefi?
posted by Alles at 1:09 PM on July 1, 2009


UGH! Why is this on mefi?
posted by Alles 2 minutes ago


http://www.bigdogs.com/shopping/prod_detail/main.asp?productID=22125
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:17 PM on July 1, 2009 [4 favorites]


Sorry if I missed it: why does the dog have a Hitler mustache?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:31 PM on July 1, 2009


PILLOW
    EMBOSS
It's not just
FOR GEOCITIES
        Anymore.
posted by shmegegge at 1:45 PM on July 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


Alles: "UGH! Why is this on mefi?"

does anyone read the posts down here?

signs point to no.
posted by boo_radley at 12:35 PM on July 2, 2009


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