Livin' Large

July 12, 2009 6:32 AM

Ever wonder what it would be like if you showed up to your freshman year of college...and your roommate was a 7'2" Division 1 basketball player from Holland? The author of sports blog Basketbawful is currently publishing a series of stories describing that exact experience. These chronicles vacillate between hilarious, shocking, depressing, and disgusting, but all are extremely entertaining. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7.
posted by emd3737 (70 comments total)

The guy who wrote this seems to want a gold star for not being the same kind of douche that his roomate was. It does not seem to have occurred to him that there are other ways to be a douche.
posted by Diablevert at 6:52 AM on July 12, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Devil's three way"? Is that something other than a threesome?

He links the term to a definition on urbandictionary.com. The definition for... "devil".

That's... odd.
posted by Flunkie at 7:02 AM on July 12, 2009

Flunkie, I seem to recall the definition of "Devil's three way" is "two guys, one girl".
posted by lowlife at 7:08 AM on July 12, 2009

A Dutchman who thinks that Heineken is the best beer in the world? Impossible. No such person exists.
posted by ijsbrand at 7:12 AM on July 12, 2009 [10 favorites]

NNNNNNNNnnnnnnnerd!
posted by tiny crocodile at 7:22 AM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

this sounds like a tragedy, not a comedy.
posted by krautland at 7:29 AM on July 12, 2009

Yes, ijsbrand, obviously the Americans are lying about us. Again.
Like the actor in the series New Amsterdam who didn't have a Dutch accent. Because he was Danish.
Or in 30 rock where the woman who complains that her fiancee returned to Hooglanderveen talks in an accent that sounds more like swedish.
posted by jouke at 7:33 AM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

For someone who keeps harping about how he's changing all the names of people involved, the author gives far too much identifying information.
posted by Flunkie at 7:54 AM on July 12, 2009

He mentioned in one part that his decision to list soccer instead of basketball as an interest on from frat signup form would be significant later, but he never followed up. I guess the series is ongoing then and not complete?
posted by Rhomboid at 7:58 AM on July 12, 2009

I'm kinda impressed with myself - I pulled up part 7 and saw that pixellated photo of the "Future NBA All-Star," and immediately thought, "Oh, that's ______," even before Googling a line about his stats to confirm.

I know my early 90s "Future NBA All-Stars," I guess.
posted by GamblingBlues at 8:00 AM on July 12, 2009

So is somebody going to fill in the blanks for those of us who don't know for sports?
posted by paisley henosis at 8:06 AM on July 12, 2009

Flunkie: no, it's not odd. He just borked the link. Here's the right one.

I've gotten as far as Part 2, and I'm more horrified than entertained.
posted by ixohoxi at 8:12 AM on July 12, 2009

So is somebody going to fill in the blanks for those of us who don't know for sports?

I'm not going to, but I will tell you that it's someone who you've almost certainly never heard of anyway.
posted by Flunkie at 8:19 AM on July 12, 2009

To be honest, I'm picturing this kid from Kokomo in his short-sleeve button-up shirt with khaki shorts and, because I'm also from Indiana and I'm filled with morbid curiosity, I'm dying to know where he went to college.

I just hope it was out of state, because that would make the whole thing even funnier, but I think it was in state.
posted by paisley henosis at 8:35 AM on July 12, 2009

I did have mixed emotions reading these- a lot of the vile behavior described is just plain appalling. However, I thought the stories were well-written and the train-wreck drama kept me hooked. Also, I attended a similar university and found it refreshing to see the darker side of college athletics portrayed. Obviously, not all student athletes are as scummy as this guy, but there are certainly those who lives their lives with no sense of accountabilty and treat other people like dirt. Probably due to the star treatment they've been given for most of the their lives. Why some women bend over backwards to sleep with these guys is beyond me.

Oh, and yeah, I wouldn't waste your time trying to identify the players- nobody's heard of the player from Holland, and the future NBA all-star hasn't been relevant for years.
posted by emd3737 at 8:35 AM on July 12, 2009

i actually kinda feel sorry for the basketball player -- what a horrible, creepy, passive-aggressive shit-head he had to put up with...
posted by lapolla at 8:36 AM on July 12, 2009

Well, I've read through Part 4, and so far, Mat sounds like a pretty fucking good roommate to me.

Blog be better betitled Basketbawesome.
posted by Xoebe at 8:37 AM on July 12, 2009

He didn't cover his tracks very well at all. There aren't that many universities that close to his hometown (Kokomo) that were big, strong in engineering, and had a team that was nationally ranked (but not at the very top of the heap) 15-20 years ago. So when the picture of the pixelated all-star showed up, it was kind of obvious.

Then posts were a bit like watching a car wreck, except after a car wreck, I don't want to shout at everyone involved to get some gumption and/or backbone.
posted by julen at 8:46 AM on July 12, 2009

For those of you who think Mat's a champ, please read Part 6, about Jennifer. Pretty sure you'll change your mind.

I wouldn't relent, though. "Look, Mat," I said, "you realize Jennifer's in love with you, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And you also realize that she dropped out of school to support you, right?" I said, searching for any sign of humanity within him.

He said nothing.

"Mat, she's giving up her future for you," I said. "If you don't want to be with her, why are you stringing her along?"

He paused for a second, and then he said something I will never, ever forget. "Because she swallows."
posted by Houstonian at 9:00 AM on July 12, 2009

For those who have reached the end, and really want to know who Future NBA All-Star (which is not Mat) is, the answer is discussed here.
posted by Houstonian at 9:17 AM on July 12, 2009

For those of you who think Mat's a champ, please read Part 6, about Jennifer. Pretty sure you'll change your mind.

Mat (as portrayed, at least) is clearly a screwed up person. But the part about Jennifer made me greatly dislike the author, as well.

He didn't merely stay out of Mat's business with regards to Jennifer. He actively helped Mat carry out the deceit. And then, after the affair is over, and there's no longer any reason to tell Jennifer the gory details of the truth other than to hurt her, that's when he tells Jennifer the gory details of the truth? Please. He could've easily left it as "Mat doesn't want to see you anymore. Trust me, you're better off, the guy is an ass." But no, he goes straight for "you swallowed".

He also actively helped Mat carry out the deceit with other women, as well. And we get to hear about oh, gee, it made me feel so so bad, but I couldn't stop, because Mat's big, and hey, the Bro Code! The Bro Code, bro! Poor, poor me.

Plus, the fact that he made it absurdly easy to find out who Mat is? Even though Mat is a barely known figure even in the world of basketball? While simultaneously making a fuss about how he's changing names and such to keep everyone anonymous?

Please. This guy's a dickhead.

This is not a defense of Mat. At least, not of the Mat that is portrayed by this dickhead.
posted by Flunkie at 9:23 AM on July 12, 2009

Spoiler.
posted by box at 9:23 AM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

I at least expected that Mat would be hot. But, no.

For those who want to see, go here and then click the photos right until you see the only photo of a guy without a shirt. Seriously? Not so hot.
posted by Houstonian at 9:31 AM on July 12, 2009

What does a half-assed story become if you think he's making half of it up?
posted by digsrus at 9:35 AM on July 12, 2009

I love Awful Roommate Stories of various stripes, especially ones where you have one person who came with the basic set of small-town manners and no framework with how to deal with the Truly Awful People of the world.

Mat is unfortunately what happens when you take a teenage boy who has been told what a great success he'll be, and everyone is rooting for him, then cut him loose in college. They're like sociopaths, but without the manipulative charm. They don't have to develop any manipulative charm, because everyone nearby who wants to Be A Part of the big success will cheerfully manipulate themselves into excusing just about anything on the way in.

Passive-aggressive? You have to remember that author is eighteen years old, fairly nerdy, and the kind of guy who asks his semi-girlfriend's (after five years of mooning about her) roommate to look after her. He plays Dungeons & Dragons. He's from a tiny town. None of it means a thing individually, but together a picture is painted of a Nice Kid. And then you drop him into a situation where he's asked to deal with someone a foot taller, a hundred pounds heavier, who can obviously Do No Wrong in the eyes of the administration, which is more than willing to write him up for beer infractions in which he is uninvolved. If he were thirty-something and had some life experience, he could be considered passive-aggressive, but at the time of the events, he simply had no coping strategies for this situation, and his options were either 1) do what he did, 2) try to get a new roommate, knowing that exactly nothing was going to come of it, or 3) confront a guy who had clearly never been confronted about anything in the last six years of his life, and then continue to live with him.

What's he supposed to do, print up pamphlets about what a shit the guy is, then make people take a test before interacting with him? Mat is a guy who feels comfortable just telling him that he's going to have sex with random girls he's never met. "You'll do it." A guy with a scar from a knife fight — pair that up with Tiny Indiana Town Boy. "So here was a gigantic man who was a black belt and got into (and presumably emerged victorious from) brutal knife fights." Yeah, that'd probably scare the crap out of your average eighteen year old kid.

Mat's actually the passive one. He might as well be a lava pit with a sign reading "MOLTEN GOLD HERE." He puts forth the least amount of effort possible and people just keep walking into the lava pit. We're not talking about a steady stream of women victimized and duped, just a string of people who thought they could use sex to get next to the Next Big Thing. Women who would talk to the author "... not because they found me interesting or anything like that. They simply wanted to pump me for information about Mat." Women who would cold call for sex — and the author is supposed to play hall monitor and stop them from doing this guy? C'mon. Would that have even worked?

Colleges should either have some kind of mansion on the edge of town to house these guys, where pizza and virgin sacrifices are thrown in on a regular basis, or they can be treated like everyone else. Situations where they're venerated but expected to live amongst the "mere mortals" usually ends badly for the mortals.
posted by adipocere at 9:46 AM on July 12, 2009 [15 favorites]

He also actively helped Mat carry out the deceit with other women, as well. And we get to hear about oh, gee, it made me feel so so bad, but I couldn't stop, because Mat's big, and hey, the Bro Code!

So you've never been a lonely, timid 18 year-old college freshman guy then, I gather?
posted by incessant at 9:53 AM on July 12, 2009

So you've never been a lonely, timid 18 year-old college freshman guy then, I gather?

If being "a lonely, timid 18 year-old college freshman guy" means not merely staying out of another guy's business, but becoming that guy's "sex secretary" and "accomplice" to make sure that his "booty calls" "never overlapped"?

Then no. No, I have never been a lonely, timid 18 year-old freshman guy.
posted by Flunkie at 9:59 AM on July 12, 2009

I'm with adipocere. This is actually a really interesting companion piece to the recent Elizabeth Wurtzel discussion re people who grow up having anything they want and don't develop the mechanisms to empathize with others. No snark here, thanks for posting this.
posted by kittyprecious at 10:05 AM on July 12, 2009

Yeah, I think it is too much to expect to think that a guy who would nearly barf with anxiety on the way to college because he had never before traveled out of his hometown and, it appears, never kissed a girl would be able to intuit the right way to handle his roommate's conquests and problems. I think one of the damaging part of high school for many kids is being convinced that your freshman college roommate will eventually be your BFF, and had been specifically chosen to match your needs and personality.

The inevitable personality conflicts make the kids feel like part of this is somehow their fault rather than just part of being human.
posted by arnicae at 10:23 AM on July 12, 2009

I've been in college for two years, and I had two bad roommates.

The first one was this 6' 6" guy whose Myspace said that he was "HUGE" and loved working out. He moved in and immediately started plastering almost-pornographic posters on the walls of our room. He wasn't an athlete or anything (is alcohol consumption a recognized sport yet?) but he definitely had a certain idea about college from movies or TV and seemed to want to live like that. He had people over all the time to drink and party, and the guy was a complete slob too--one time he was in the bathroom for about 45 minutes, came out, and didn't even bother to wash his hands. He did, however, take the time to proclaim to me that he needed a match to make the smell go away. One time when I was trying to fall asleep, I heard him curse because someone knocked his spit bottle over (he was an avid user of tobacco, as well) and after that I didn't walk around in our room without shoes.

The guy wasn't nearly as bad as the person in the linked story, he was just really inconsiderate. If he had a test the next day, everything would be silent and he would be working. But such was not the case if him or either of my other two roommates had an assignment. Kicking vodka bottles out of the way on my way out the door to church on Sunday got pretty old. One time my parents asked me if I needed a rug for my room, and my answer was "No, we just use my roommate's clothes."

I was looking forward to going back the next year because I thought I had experienced The Worst Roommate Ever and that this time would be much better. It turns out, the grass is often not greener on the other side. Our dorms open a week before school starts, but my roommate didn't move in until the night before class started. The guy was about 5' 10" and was a combination of the Incredible Hulk and the Michelin Man--he was extremely muscular with a layer of fat over it. That first night, he decided to impress me and my other two roommates--two of my good friends--with his ability to do a 2-finger pushup, touch his forehead to his thighs, and do the splits. It was going to be an interesting experience!

His schedule consisted of waking up at about 9 AM every day, sitting in his boxers watching Youtube videos and laughing hysterically for about an hour, then going to workout for about four or five hours, then class at 6 PM or something, and then more almost-nude Youtube watching, and finally he would collapse into bed. His diet consisted of dry oats and salmon or tuna straight out of the can. Sometimes he would get a jar of peanut butter and eat the entire thing with a spoon in one sitting. One day I questioned this.

"Isn't that unhealthy? That's a lot of peanut butter..."

"It is a COMMON MISCONCEPTION that calories are bad! You just have to take in an equal amount to what you consume!"

Clearly, he knew more than me about such things. I just dealt with the smell, which was a combination of fish and body odor, and the proliferation of oats on the floor of our room. It didn't help matters that he wouldn't allow me to open the window or turn on the AC (allergies!) or leave the door open, but that was because if he was in the room, he was not wearing clothes. I think the guy also took about two showers a week.

His dad was a professor at our college, so he was getting free or extremely cheap tuition. He was studying philosophy, but didn't plan on staying in school; he was just there because in his words "It's just something you do." He had a website, , which he planned to turn into a career of teaching college students how to eat healthily on campus. It included such gems as the idea of sneaking Tupperware into the dining halls to put food in and save it for later--because the truly dedicated bodybuilder doesn't always eat meals at normal times!

The day before Labor Day weekend (we're a week into school at this point), I ask him what he's doing for the weekend and he says he has no plans. I go to class, come back about two hours later, and our room is cleaned out--all of his stuff was gone! Turns out the guy just dropped out of school to "pursue other opportunities." By the way, I didn't mess up the link to his site--shows how well that turned out.

I am of the opinion that bad roommates are a part of the college experience and something that builds character. Both of my experiences, while nowhere near as vivid as the kid in the linked story, taught me a lot about life and how to deal with people that I don't like. I think college teaches kids a lot more than just what they learn in class, and this is a perfect example of such things. Mat's activities sound despicable and no kid should have to deal with them, but hopefully the protagonist can look back on the experience and take something valuable away from it.
posted by DMan at 10:32 AM on July 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

of course, I did mess up the link, even after saying I didn't.... http://www.educatedlifter.com
posted by DMan at 10:34 AM on July 12, 2009

Interesting read...it's got to be Rik Smits, right?
posted by vito90 at 11:26 AM on July 12, 2009

I read these this morning when I woke up with an upset stomach. I went back to sleep thinking, "MetaFilter will have figured out all the actors for me."

MetaFilter does not disappoint! Thanks, guys.
posted by sbutler at 12:18 PM on July 12, 2009

Pic
posted by P.o.B. at 12:18 PM on July 12, 2009

I've been reading this, and I intended to post it to the blue. But was going to wait until the story was finished. There are five or six more posts before this is over, according to the author.

Basketbawfull is one of my favorite blogs, btw. Check out his bit about Larry Bird vs Dr. J, or his continuing series of basketball slang terms, some of which have made it into common usage.
posted by overhauser at 12:37 PM on July 12, 2009

"Mat" (his real name, as a matter of fact), apparently does mixed martial arts fighting (aka, punching and kicking the living daylights out of his opponents) these days. Before blaming the blog author for not standing up to that piece of ham as an 18-year old college student, you should maybe watch this video.

Frankly, even years after the fact, blogging so candidly about his sexual shortcomings, and general unpleasantness shows some courage bordering on recklessness...
posted by Skeptic at 12:58 PM on July 12, 2009

Not to derail, but Skeptic, I was surprised to see how fat the two fighters looked in that video you linked to. Not that they wouldn't kick my ass, but they were not in the "fighting shape" I associate with martial artists or boxers. Is this common for Muy Thai/this type of competitive fighting?
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 2:34 PM on July 12, 2009

I wouldn't want either one of these guys as roommates. One is a dick to women, one is a passive-aggressive whiner.
posted by Mikey-San at 3:49 PM on July 12, 2009

Pretty much what DMan said. The only variable that differentiates these blog entries from most people's roommate experiences is that they involve a 7-foot-2 Dutch basketball player. Most people eventually have at least one asshole roommate at some point in college, and sometimes that asshole is a borderline sociopath. It's just the odds.

As someone else up above said, the writer of these blog entries doesn't sound like he'd have been a particularly wonderful guy to be roommates with either. At least with the basketball player you would have had some vicarious notoriety. With the other guy it would just been, "Well, I live with a passive-aggressive nerd who writes a lot."

In any case, I abhor these blog entries for reminding me specifically about the detailed boredom and soul-crushing monotony that characterized the parts of college life that I don't gloss over with warmhearted nostalgia.
posted by blucevalo at 3:51 PM on July 12, 2009

Is this common for Muy Thai/this type of competitive fighting?

While not an ardent fan of the sport...I did get sucked into watching the UFC reality show. (I'm not proud.) The heavyweights tend to run fatter because while there are upper and lower bounds for the other weight classes, there is no upper bound for heavyweights (or super heavyweights, depending on what class is the upper bound. Whatever it is, someone who's 7'2'' is in it.). Usually with the other classes you get people who would, if out of training and eating normally but healthily, be 10-15 pounds heavier that their fighting weight, which is a struggle for them to make. So they're often pretty cut. (Sometimes they go up a weight class also, if the competition in that division is more favorable. And natural middleweights ---- guys who would, fit and healthy, usually weigh about 175 --- can bounce around quite a bit).

This often makes the heavyweight fights kind of lame --- it's more like watching someone try and chop down a tree trunk than some acrobatic, athletic Jet Li kind of stuff. And especially the super huge dudes -- if you're 7'2'', even in the superheavy weight division you probably outweigh almost any opponent by 50lbs. You don't have to fight very well --- or, like, at all --- to win with that kind of advantage.

On the blogger --- yeah, he was young. Yeah, he was naive. And I was all prepared when I started reading this to sympathize with him. But he's not merely naive. He's a ridiculous tight-ass who is super bitter about everything the douche does, but does not move to extricate himself from the situation and does not exactly cover himself with glory in his own treatment of the groupie contingent. There is such a thing as requesting a roomate transfer, I had plenty of friends who did it. And I've had some messed up roomates --- all I can say is that one story ends with me wandering around a strange apartment at four in the morning drinking a screwdriver, eating Enteman's powdered doughnuts, and hiding all the sharp implements. And that wasn't the year I had a hand in getting one of my roomates involuntarily committed. And I still say is that this dude still does not have my sympathy.
posted by Diablevert at 4:24 PM on July 12, 2009

I only read the first two of these before, but now I finished them. How can you say "any comments mentioning the places these things happened will not be published" and then post <>a photo of your IM football team, not only all in Purdue colors, but in a freaking shirt that says 'Purdue' on it?

Zero points for internal consistency.

Also, these fail to live up to the "worst roommate ever" promise. And I find his voice, as a writer, to be irritatingly contrived. And, frankly, negative points awarded to anyone who pines hopelessly after the same girl for half a decade, while she tells him she isn't interested and won't even kiss him, but calls her his girlfriend.
posted by paisley henosis at 4:43 PM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

** a photo
posted by paisley henosis at 4:43 PM on July 12, 2009

Martin and Tyson. Those were my surprise roommates. My aunt delayed in mailing my letter of intent to my university because she wanted me to "be sure" about my choice. Without, y'know, telling me. That meant I missed the deadline, and ended up in temporary housing. Kind of storage room behind the stairs, 10 feet wide, thirty feet long, doors on either side of the stairwell. At first, there were four people who were going to share it, but as school got closer, two of us got rooms. It seemed like the two of us left over would have it to ourselves. When I moved in, Martin and Tyson were there, and not happy. It turned out they were promised the room by their coach.

Their coach, the coach of the wrestling team. He'd promised them this pretty sizable room, all to themselves. Martin and Tyson were juco transfers, who'd placed very highly at the juco wrestling finals of some kind. I don't know much more about it because they weren't all that interested in talking to me. And yeah, I was kind of scared of them. They were huge. It seemed kind of okay, though. We had a big space, and it didn't seem like it would be a problem.

When I returned from orientation, they'd rearranged all the furniture, making a wall across the center of the room out of the large metal cabinets we had for wardrobes. The wall made our side of the room much smaller than theirs, and sent a pretty solid message. Even more fun, there were light switches on both sides of the room, next to either door, but they would turn on all the lights, which meant that Martin and Tyson controlled the lights.

It just got better and better. The rediculous part? This was a Division III school. There were no scholarships, just "academic" grants, which meant that if student-athletes got in, they could just quit the team, and go to classes, or not, which was Tyson's route. Why a D-III school needs to bring in juco transfers on fake athletic scholarships was kind of beyond me.

Of course, things got more interesting when, one morning while I was back, after my 8 am class, trying to get some sleep, I heard Martin come in, open up his lock-box, and show a friend his gun. They didn't know I was there, so I just layed there, acting like I wasn't.

I managed, after weeks of talking to Students Services, to get them to let two of the four of us switch into one of the rooms they reserve to show prospective students. The guy I was supposed to room alone with, he and I were roommates through all four years of college. It just kind of sucked that the first term of my college years pretty much mirrored any given college comedy.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:02 PM on July 12, 2009

Man, everyone pile on the nerd why don't you. You're a bunch of d-bags.

"So here was a gigantic man who was a black belt and got into (and presumably emerged victorious from) brutal knife fights"

I have to say, I have a black belt and that gives me some pause.
posted by lumpenprole at 5:28 PM on July 12, 2009

Please, lumpenprole. Nothing in this article indicates that Mat was ever threatening or aggressive, or even not reasonable when directly asked to rein some annoying behavior in. And I get the impression that the author definitely would have included such things in the article, had they happened.

"He's big and has a black belt" is no excuse for becoming, someone's "sex secretary", especially not when unthreatened, unprompted, and unasked.
posted by Flunkie at 7:26 PM on July 12, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yikes- I wasn't expecting such a backlash against the author when I posted this. I'm an NBA fan and have been reading Basketbawful for a long time. I do think these stories are very interesting and written with a suprising amount of candor. I'm with adipocere- surely the guy made some mistakes in judgement (haven't we all?) but it strikes me like he was a rather naive small-town kid who just didn't know how to deal with the situation at the time. Ghidorah also touches on a major theme- if wrestlers at a D3 school are given special treatment, how do you think D1 players in programs that bring in millions of dollars fare?
Oh, and the series is not over yet and apparently he did request a room transfer.
posted by emd3737 at 7:57 PM on July 12, 2009

It's probably worth considering that the kid may not have felt like a room change would be much better--this was his only college experience thus far, and it sounds like he didn't get out much. Maybe he thought that a change of rooms wouldn't be much of an improvement.
posted by DMan at 8:09 PM on July 12, 2009

Man, everyone pile on the nerd why don't you. You're a bunch of d-bags.

There's being a nerd, and there's being a total tight-ass. My freshman year of college I lived in the honors dorm for students on academic scholarships and various other geeky designations, like the glee club, and student government, etc. Lot's of nerds playing D&D in the rec room. Also lot's of nerds ingesting anything that remotely resembled drugs, nerds drinking, nerds puking, and nerds fucking in any room unoccupied for more than 30 seconds.

One of my friends had a roommate who was a notorious for not engaging in any activity that didn't involve studying or church. We mostly respected that, but weren't above giving him a hard time. mostly being assholes and embarrasing him in front of girls. One day we were in thw room, and let him know "Hey, we're gonna be doing acid later, so if we're acting strange don't freak out and call the cops or anything". And out of nowhere he says "Acid? That's always intrigued me."

Which for some reason (maybe because we were high) was the funniest thing we'd ever heard. By the end of the semester, he had lost his virginity and owned an impressive bong.
posted by billyfleetwood at 8:24 PM on July 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

Man, everyone pile on the nerd why don't you. You're a bunch of d-bags.

I only say what I said because the words "Well, I live with a passive-aggressive nerd who writes a lot" could have been (and probably were) used by any of my college roommates to describe me.
posted by blucevalo at 8:28 PM on July 12, 2009

You can see where this story has to go if you look at Mat's stats for his Junior season:

GP  	MPG     PPG      FG%     3FG%  	FT%     APG   RPG   BPG  SPG
13 	2.5 	0.5 	 33.3    0.0 	50.0    0.1   0.5   0.0  0.0

He probably didn't laid as much after that.
posted by twoleftfeet at 10:24 PM on July 12, 2009

18 year-olds are dumb and have bad judgment, film at 11.
posted by incessant at 10:38 PM on July 12, 2009

For those who want to see, go here and then click the photos right until you see the only photo of a guy without a shirt.

That guy was getting all the pussy? And the ridiculously adorable writer, not?

Wtf.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:52 PM on July 12, 2009

or even not reasonable when directly asked to rein some annoying behavior in.

He did speak directly to him about some of the behavior. It did all of nothing. I would call the writer very passive because he has never wrote about any aggressive behavior on his part, but that has not stopped a few people from attaching an aggressiveness to his persona. I've had a couple of friends, when I was younger, date more than one women at a time and sometimes it's a no-win situation in trying to figure out what to do. Do nothing for this guy was probably a hell of lot easier than creating worse situations by trying to be Captain-Save-the-Day with women that are gladly tossing themselves at this behemoth. If you've ever read an AskMe where someone is doing some hand wringing over telling a person about their significant other screwing around on them, then you would know the most popular answer is mind your business. I'm not saying I agree with that but apparently a lot of people seem to think that is a better idea rather than creating new situations that involve them.
If I summed it up, incessant has it: 18 year-olds are dumb and have bad judgment
posted by P.o.B. at 12:13 AM on July 13, 2009

As P.o.B. points out, those who criticise the blog author for not having attempted to save those innocent maidens from the horrors of Mat's bed, what should have he done?

Even if you don't take into account the physical hazard of crossing your fucking humongous roommate, trying to talk a young adult (whether male or female) out of having sex with somebody they've set their sights on is, generally speaking, a very bad idea, no matter how misguided that physical attraction may be. Firstly, they won't listen to you. Secondly, they'll more than likely see you as a wannabe interloper. Thirdly, even when you're eventually proven right, they'll see you as the albatross that doomed their relationship.

And, frankly speaking, I'm certain that Mat had quite a reputation anyway. A campus is a small place, and people talk -especially about salacious gossip-. Most, if not all the girls that enjoyed the privilege of Mat's three and a half minutes of glory probably knew perfectly well that he was a cheating, selfish douchebag. And please note that, as the blog author indicates, Mat was choosy. Those were apparently very attractive girls, the "cream of the crop". Sorry if I sound cold and cynical, but in the sexually competitive world of college, being a notch in Mat's bedpost was probably worn as a badge of honour.

So, the blog author seems to have done as well as he could with this shit sandwich:
a) trying to change rooms;
b) trying to talk some sense into his roommate;
c) keeping the aggro to a minimum, in particular preventing that the "girlfriends" saw things they wouldn't have liked to see anyway.

At least he doesn't appear to have tried to gain some advantage from his situation (which he could almost certainly have done). Call him "uptight" for that, but with the raging hormones of a teenager it must have taken quite some strength of character.
posted by Skeptic at 3:20 AM on July 13, 2009

So let's get this straight. American students have to share a room? Doesn't that sound really fucked up? Do students live on campus in shared rooms for all years that they are students?
posted by salmacis at 6:18 AM on July 13, 2009

It varies tremendously. Some schools require students to live on campus (i.e. dorms) for some amount of time (e.g. the first year) with the option to continue living on campus after that or to live off campus in private homes, usually apartments or shared houses. Some schools don't have any on campus housing at all and everyone lives off campus. The on campus housing is mostly doubles (two people per room), but there are almost always a small number of singles as well, typically reserved for those with special needs or for RAs (resident advisors, the students who are supposed to police and manage the dorms.) Many dorms are the traditional hall style, but it seems the majority of those built in the last couple decade are now suites, where units of four to six rooms share a common area and bathroom. And some schools have on campus housing that are apartments with fully separate bedrooms.

So, some people live all four years in shared rooms on-campus, some never experience dorm life whatsoever; most I would imagine experience a mix where they live off campus towards the end of their time. You might think that sharing a room in a dorm would be hellish and wonder why anyone would do it, but they have distinct advantages: they are the closest to the academic halls, making walking to class easy -- in most cases living off campus means riding a bike, bus, or sometimes driving in. Dorms tend to also be significantly cheaper than any other form of residence, so it's a financial necessity for many, especially when scholarships and financial aid enters the mix. Moreover, the dorm residence option usually comes bundled with food plans that let students eat at dining halls for some flat amount paid at the beginning of the semester.
posted by Rhomboid at 6:50 AM on July 13, 2009

About this: it's more like watching someone try and chop down a tree trunk than some acrobatic, athletic Jet Li kind of stuff. And especially the super huge dudes -- if you're 7'2'', even in the superheavy weight division you probably outweigh almost any opponent by 50lbs. You don't have to fight very well --- or, like, at all --- to win with that kind of advantage.

You might think so, but at the top of the game, I doubt guys like this will win without some fighting skill and stamina. I don't follow UFC too much, but I know the Person in Question is not one of the bigger names. I remember a certain young boxer out of Brooklyn, a heavyweight who stood around 5'10" and weighed about 210 lbs. He regularly beat guys with 6" height advantages, 4-6" and greater reach advantages and 50 lb. weight advantages. And by "beat," I don't mean "out-pointed." I mean "beat the shit out of."

Something to keep in mind is that, if you are very tall, you are always punching down on opponents, and losing most of your power in the process. Meanwhile, a savvy opponent will be hammering your midsection, which will quickly bring that big head of yours down to where he can get at it.
posted by Mister_A at 7:02 AM on July 13, 2009

Thanks Rhomboid. You are correct; I do find the idea of sharing a room in a dorm hellish. I understand the advantages to living on a campus - I was a student once myself - but I can't imagine putting up with having to share a room with somebody else. It's unheard of in the UK.
posted by salmacis at 7:17 AM on July 13, 2009

I can't imagine putting up with having to share a room with somebody else.

It's secretly/inadvertently one of the better forms of socialization for young adults in the U.S.; most college freshmen have been taken care of by their parents and are suddenly thrust into a simulacrum of independence and responsibility--which is (despite the safeguards of the college experience) still pretty jarring. When you have to live up close with a virtual stranger for a year, you either learn about cooperation and negotiation or you suffer.

My freshman roommate and I were rather different and were simply not going to be friends under other circumstances, but that year was good for both of us and we still reminisce about it over a decade later.
posted by kittyprecious at 8:49 AM on July 13, 2009

What kind of guy walks into the room when his roomie is having sex, anyway? Do European athletes not know about the ol' "hang some sort of symbol on the doorknob" code that was so common in my dorm? You see the sock / tie / etc. hanging from the doorknob, you know you're hanging out next door for a while playing cards or whatnot, because your roommate is getting some.

My freshman year roommate was a messy slob. He smoked, chewed tobacco, wore the same ratty pair of basketball shorts until they rotted off (pretty sure they did, anyway), had sex with anything that was willing, tried any drug / alcohol he could get his hands on, and right up until he found out he was going to be expelled and resigned himself to going down in a blaze of hellish glory was just a hell of a lot of fun, for which I am eternally grateful. Without him as my roommate I wouldn't likely have had half as much fun as I did at college.

(It helped that I'd known him since birth, and had been roommates with him for senior year of high school too. The stories about this guy, well, if you didn't know him personally, you'd likely be disgusted, but knowing him they're damn funny. And still disgusting.)
posted by caution live frogs at 3:07 PM on July 13, 2009

Damn, I'm all wondering what happened w/ Latrisse.
posted by Eideteker at 5:24 PM on July 13, 2009

"I can't imagine putting up with having to share a room with somebody else. It's unheard of in the UK."

I stayed in the Astor College residence, University of London, last September, and had a double room. (I was attending a conference there.) Apparently the doubles aren't the most common rooms, but they do exist. It was pretty much just like an American dorm room, with two beds, two desks, two wardrobes.

Now, at my American university, I only shared a room for a week or so, and had either a single or a room in a suite for the rest of my time there. The dorms there were built in the 70s and later, and so they were fairly modern. I agree that being forced to share a single room like that is not much fun, and if I had to share living space, I much preferred having my own bedroom to retreat to.
posted by litlnemo at 9:24 PM on July 13, 2009

if you're 7'2'', even in the superheavy weight division you probably outweigh almost any opponent by 50lbs. You don't have to fight very well --- or, like, at all --- to win with that kind of advantage.

You have watch Fedor Emelianenko vs Hong Man Choi. Fedor is 6', but he beats Hong Man, who is 7'2".
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:35 AM on July 14, 2009

So let's get this straight. American students have to share a room? Doesn't that sound really fucked up? Do students live on campus in shared rooms for all years that they are students?

Hmm, even in Europe, some Catholic residences (especially Opus Dei residences) only have three-bed rooms. The idea being that a student in a single room would have the privacy to wank his brains out, and two same-sex students in the same room...weeeellll.

Some Catholic priests have dirty, dirty minds.
posted by Skeptic at 2:12 AM on July 14, 2009

Hmm, even in Europe, some Catholic residences (especially Opus Dei residences) only have three-bed rooms. The idea being that a student in a single room would have the privacy to wank his brains out, and two same-sex students in the same room...weeeellll.

I like your views, and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. And participate in your annual retreats.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:58 AM on July 14, 2009

So let's get this straight. American students have to share a room? Doesn't that sound really fucked up? Do students live on campus in shared rooms for all years that they are students?

America's a big place.

Not sure about their school, but it's certainly not the way it works everywhere. It doesn't even work the same everywhere on this campus. Here at Portland State (an urban campus) there's a number of different types of housing. It varies by building.

First, they've got these really old cool 1930s buildings. These have a diverse set of rooms and roommate configurations, from one-person-only tiny little "sleepers" that have a community bath/kitchen up through studios and one bedroom units. The larger units often have roommates but you can be by yourself if you like (and pay more).

Then they've got a big large dorm-style building from the 70s that's got like 14 stories of units with community kitchens (and in some places, shared bathrooms with a neighbor) which can be double or single occupancy depending on what you like.

Finally they've got their "modern" buildings which are basically just nice apartment buildings. Every apartment has a bathroom and kitchen, no community anything, and can be double or single occupancy depending on what you want to pay. But I think the freshmen floors still have to double up, mostly due to there not being many freshman floors.
posted by floam at 3:48 AM on July 14, 2009

Part 8
posted by DMan at 3:36 PM on July 14, 2009

FAQ Part 1
posted by box at 3:45 PM on July 14, 2009

From the FAQ:
Did you ever play a game with/against your roommate? Sort of. That will be explained in a future installment.

I think I know how this will end. He will play a basketball game with his roommate, and upon winning his prize is that he gets to kick Mat out.

At least, that's how I hope this ends...
posted by Houstonian at 5:06 PM on July 14, 2009

Part 9
posted by P.o.B. at 1:45 PM on July 16, 2009