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"I would call this a blatant case of misjudgment fueled by an unfortunate milieu of assumption."
September 9, 2009 12:29 PM   Subscribe

How Charlie Sheen spent his 20 minutes with Barack Obama
posted by miss lynnster (119 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet.

Blerg.
posted by jessamyn at 12:34 PM on September 9, 2009 [11 favorites]


I get it. He's trying to get in on an Oliver Stone pic.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet.

Yeah, I guessed that as soon as Obama claimed he Tivo'd fucking Two and a Half Men.
posted by turaho at 12:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [62 favorites]


haha, turaho, that's exactly the point when my bullshit meter exploded too. I find it impossible to believe that there's any overlap whatsoever between fans of The Wire and people who TiVo Two and a Half Men.
posted by saladin at 12:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Okay, I feel better. I missed that. 'Cuz I was like... what the Hell?
posted by miss lynnster at 12:39 PM on September 9, 2009


Nothing lends credibility to your conspiracy theory like a fantasy interview with the President.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [19 favorites]


These methods are...unsound.
posted by jquinby at 12:40 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]


A new analysis by NBC News reveals that more than a quarter of all footnotes in the 9/11 Commission Report refer to controversial interrogation techniques.

And when they say "controversial interrogation techniques", they mean this.

That said, I'm persuaded by Chomsky's observation - paraphrasing here - that even if Cheney remote-piloted the planes into the Towers himself, it would pale in comparison with the things he's boasted of publicly.
posted by Joe Beese at 12:40 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet.

Awesome. And this one time, on board the Enterprise, Kirk and Spock were totally making out...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:41 PM on September 9, 2009 [7 favorites]


How Charlie Sheen spent would spend his 20 minutes with Barack Obama if permitted out of the institution.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:41 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]


Think the title of the FPP should be changed.

And the batshitinsane tag added.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:42 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


LOLSHEEN!!!
posted by Bovine Love at 12:43 PM on September 9, 2009


Whatever happened to that bowling-shirt business of his?
posted by box at 12:43 PM on September 9, 2009


Be sure to catch Sheen on the Alex Jones show.

he is already booked to speak to the people through Alex Jones.
posted by Hammond Rye at 12:45 PM on September 9, 2009


"Charlie Sheen is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it's him not you"
posted by bondcliff at 12:46 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


I just about sheened my pants laughing at that.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:46 PM on September 9, 2009


I couldn't make it through the whole thing-- does Charlie's strawman interview with his Fantasy Football Obama administration touch on how steel totally doesn't turn into liquid at a particular temperature and therefore it's impossible for fire to destroy a building?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:47 PM on September 9, 2009


And CHRIST, think of all the documents what Sean Penn could have laid on Castro!!!
posted by Hammond Rye at 12:47 PM on September 9, 2009


Boo to this
posted by boo_radley at 12:49 PM on September 9, 2009


How I spent my 20 minutes with President Barack Obama, by Greg

G: Hey what's up

PBO: Not too much, but it's great to see you.

G: oh yeah?

PBO: Yes, I Tivo you all the time.

G: what! awesome!

PBO: It is awesome. I love you.

G: oh hey thanks!

PBO: You want to grab some pita pockets?

G: yes sir mister president

PBO: Please, call me by my high-school nickname.... "LASER-BEAST"

G: that is a right fucking sweet nickname

PBO: Yes, it is. I earned it due to the fact that I can shoot lasers out of my hands and eyes, and also from my back when I become enraged.

G: whoa nice, you're a pretty smart guy

PBO: (laughs)

G: (laughs)

PBO: Hey, look at this!

G: what that is

PBO: (makes it look like he cut his thumb off and is moving it away from his hand)

G: HOLY SHIT! (laughs)

PBO: It's just a simple magic trick. I used to practice it kind of a lot.

G: you're such a hard worker presidnet laser beast

PBO: (laughs) That's why I'm the President!

Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… YET.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:50 PM on September 9, 2009 [204 favorites]


I was expecting him to be asking Obama when we're going to leave Iraq, why they haven't had war crimes trials yet, or when we're going to get single-payer healthcare.
Two and a Half Men was utter crap but I really thought Sheen was better than 9/11 Truthiness.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:52 PM on September 9, 2009


How I spent my 20 minutes with President Barack Obama, by shakespeherian

s: So, how about that 9/11?

PBO: It was a conspiracy from the top down, Bush took down the towers with his secret fascist mind-beams that he learned from his grandfather, Papa Hitler.

s: I am even better at this than Charlie Sheen!

This is an open letter to President Barack Obama to reopen the 9/11 commission based on this incredible and shocking evidence
posted by shakespeherian at 12:55 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


Unsurprisingly, most of the commenters seem to have missed that little postscripted caveat.
posted by anigbrowl at 12:55 PM on September 9, 2009


greg, I will donate $10 to a charity of your choice if you get that on infowar.
posted by boo_radley at 12:56 PM on September 9, 2009


Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet.

This post sucks.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 12:56 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]


I guess that Charlie finally got tired of the hookers and blow and decided to, 'ow you say, get real?

And here's my 20 minutes with the C-in-C:

HJ: Mr. President, you've been an inspiration to so--

PBO: [makes hurry-up motion] Yeah, yeah.

HJ: ...um, do you want to run Deadmines?

PBO: Why do you think I have a laptop in the Oval Office, motherfucker? Let's do this shit!

[we run Deadmines]

we almost don't make it in time because we each insist that the other take the drops
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:58 PM on September 9, 2009 [8 favorites]


I think I can almost understand how someone might sit down in front of a television, flip around the channels for a while, and then settle on Two and a Half Men, because meh.

When you try to claim that the President of the United States fucking Tivo's your shitty-ass show, you've stepped over a line and basically lost me on your entire 9/11 argument.
posted by graventy at 12:58 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


I really like the 'hard working and serious' sheen inset about halfway down. that alone gives him credibility.
posted by Think_Long at 12:58 PM on September 9, 2009


Sorry for the post sucking. I fell for it. So sue me. 2 1/2 Men comment aside (I just thought he was being polite), I found it believable since this is what inspired it all.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:59 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


If I'm reading this correctly... is he implying that the BBC and CNN were in on the plot? CNN I can understand, but the BBC? Really?
posted by bondcliff at 1:01 PM on September 9, 2009


It's a fun exercise to see how soon your BS meters goes off. Mine did when Obama started spouting untethered platitudes, and the "all ears" line.

Dropping dossiers on desks is not an argument. It's a method of bullshitting similar to McCarthy's "I have this list. . .".

The existance of truthers themselves is an interesting phenomenon. I had a coworker argue that the towers were wired with explosives and I could only look at them in dumbfounded disbelief, then try to argue some sense into them to get them to at least provisionally allow that gravity could have taken them out as in the official report.

While it goes against Hanlon's Razor, it wouldn't surprise me if it came out that some level elements within the previous admin intentionally allowed the hijackings to occur [the suicide element being the surprise], but I don't go that far into my conspiracy-theory to actively believe that, it's just a possibility of unknown truth value. Similarly, Flight 93 may have been shot down, too.

Either of these contingent truths would explain the alleged weirdness surrounding the 9/11 commission.
posted by Palamedes at 1:01 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Think the title of the FPP should be changed.

Really? I think it sums up this post pretty well.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:02 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


I was about ready to start printing Sheen '12 stickers. that was a monumental disappointment.
posted by cmoj at 1:03 PM on September 9, 2009


Oh, I'm such a dork. I thought Obama was saying that he Tivo's The West Wing. If I had know it was Two and a Half Men my bullshit meter would have exploded. Thanks for sparing me that. Then again, if I had known that, I also wouldn't have read the whole stupid thing.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:03 PM on September 9, 2009


Oh my god. I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.
posted by signalnine at 1:03 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


So Charlie Sheen just compared himself to the first lady while speaking as the president? That's kind of odd.
posted by ODiV at 1:03 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


I imagine Martin Sheen has chronic headaches.
posted by padraigin at 1:05 PM on September 9, 2009 [9 favorites]


The comments for that piece are hilariously meta-nutball...

"I’ve never liked Charlie Sheen’s politics, but this is impressive, and if it is a true account, I have to commend him for his brave effort."

"IF its a true account. There’s nobody to corroborate if this ever actually transpired. Damn good theater, though, in a day when “theater” is EVERYTHING and TRUTH don’t mean shit!"

"Evidence or an audio/ video recording of the incident? A comment from anyone on the record about this? Wait and see…"

"Charlie ‘huevosgrande’ Sheen… he has my respect and thanks. When the crony whispered in B.O.s ear… was he asking for permission to take Sheen out?"
posted by naju at 1:05 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Well, that was unpleasant.

This is far better:

How President Obama spent his 20 minutes with Martin Sheen

...as it were.
posted by bicyclefish at 1:06 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Wow. This is incredible. It's like Charlie Sheen used spell-checker and everything.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:07 PM on September 9, 2009


Sorry for the post sucking.

Sorry? This post is awesome! No really, who knew Charlie Sheen was this f'ed up?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:08 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Infowars? Seriously? We give that link traffic?
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:08 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Nothing lends credibility to your conspiracy theory like fantasy interview with the President invoking, linking to, or mentioning the name of Alex Jones. Christ, what an asshole. Also: the fluoride in Area 51 is giving the aliens FASCISM!11!.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:09 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


(Arguably) more coherently: Jones was all about Democrats = Republicans in 2000 and only NOW wakes up to the threat of creeping fascism in the USA? After eight years of, well, you know. Christ, what a douchebag.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:10 PM on September 9, 2009


The great thing about insanity is how it expands the realms of the possible. In 20 years, the distance between 1970 when the towers were finished and 2001 with be so short in relative terms that some conspiracy theorists will happily postulate that the Bushes/Bilderbergs/Illuminati built the towers with the express purpose of blowing them up when one of their own took office decades later. That's how far in advance they planned.

In fact, the explosives were built into the towers. The 1993 bombing occured because the timers in the explosives embedded in the building's structure malfunctioned when they were activated in 1991 (under H. W. Bush), and didn't actually detonate until 1993. The Perot candidacy that split the republican party and led to the Clinton victory was the Illuminati punishing Bush for failing to detonate the towers.

Anyway, when W took office, it was time to try the plan again. This time they took no chances, and just set all the explosives on every floor off.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:12 PM on September 9, 2009 [6 favorites]


Okay, comment after comment on that site, and no one picking up on the fakeness of the interview. I thought these folks were detail-oriented skeptics?
posted by naju at 1:14 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Actually, Pastabagel, God smote the towers because of Godspell being filmed there (among other places). He just didn't get around to it until 2001, He had other things to do, it's a big damn universe.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:15 PM on September 9, 2009


Interesting angle sir...Mr. President I am not suspiciously implying anything...Thank you Charlie.

Looks like Sheen doesn't believe in conventional comma usage either.

GUYS GOOGLE NOMINATIVE OF ADDRESS
posted by Iridic at 1:17 PM on September 9, 2009


I couldn't make it through the whole thing-- does Charlie's strawman interview with his Fantasy Football Obama administration touch on how steel totally doesn't turn into liquid at a particular temperature and therefore it's impossible for fire to destroy a building?

Yes. Near the end.

I had a coworker argue that the towers were wired with explosives and I could only look at them in dumbfounded disbelief, then try to argue some sense into them to get them to at least provisionally allow that gravity could have taken them out as in the official report.

I had a coworker argue that the government controls the weather. Seriously. I asked him if he thought they were doing a good job.
posted by odinsdream at 1:18 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]


Oh, that's good, Pastabagel. That sends chills up my spine. Because now that we know that they planted bombs in the WTC when they built it, the next logical question is, what other national icons were contructed with thermite explosives built right in? There's got to be a control panel somewhere that can vaporize buldings across America when the timing is right.

Failing that, they could be retrofitting buildings as they go. Like the "repairs" they're doing to the Bay Bridge this week... less than 8 days before the 8th anniversary of 9/11. I find that pretty interesting, don't you? Kind of makes you wonder.
posted by bicyclefish at 1:19 PM on September 9, 2009


From this point forward, I'm only going to refer to Obama as Laser Beast. And I'm going to try very hard to never make him angry.
posted by quin at 1:20 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Wow. If you think Charlie Sheen is a bad actor, wait till you hear his new best bud Alex Jones in action!
posted by Atom Eyes at 1:21 PM on September 9, 2009


I was disappointed to find out it was a sham: that "all ears" comment was comedy gold.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:22 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


The thing I find most incredible is that Charlie Sheen doesn't mind me thinking of him, for the rest of my life, as the crazy idiot who thinks the US government planned and executed the 9/11 attacks. He actually wants to be the spokesperson for this stupidity.
posted by y6y6y6 at 1:23 PM on September 9, 2009


Didn't the Everly Brothers write this one?

Wake up, little sheeple, wake up!
Wake up, little sheeple, wake up!
We've all been sound asleep,
Wake up little sheeple and weep,
The bankers pulled an inside job
And we're in trouble deep!
Wake up, little sheeple...
posted by bicyclefish at 1:23 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


I want to hear about the 5 minutes and 32 seconds with Denise Richards. Rawr.
posted by GuyZero at 1:23 PM on September 9, 2009


What a douche. Really? He has nothing else to concern himself with?

This is why I think actors are so stupid. They are.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:26 PM on September 9, 2009


Oh, that's good, Pastabagel. That sends chills up my spine. Because now that we know that they planted bombs in the WTC when they built it, the next logical question is, what other national icons were contructed with thermite explosives built right in?

I can't tell you that! Do you have any idea what kind of wedgie Kissinger will give me at Bohemian Grove 2010 (sponsored by National Bohemian)? It's bad enough he keeps making me to that Little Bo Peep thing with Rumsfeld every year. But I've already said too much.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:26 PM on September 9, 2009


ATTENTION SKIMMERS & THE SHORT-ATTENTION-SPANNED:

THIS IS NOT REAL.

You're welcome.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:29 PM on September 9, 2009


I remember once hearing an interview with Dan Akroyd where he discussed The Big Government UFO Cover Up and I immediately lost whatever respect for him I had left.

I guess I should be glad I never had any respect for Mr. Sheen to begin with.
posted by bondcliff at 1:30 PM on September 9, 2009


Man, President Laser Beast is the best sockpuppet name ever.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:30 PM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]


Is Charlie's mission in life to make Emilio seem like "the smart one"?
posted by Optamystic at 1:30 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


"My pleasure, the content of your request seemed like something I should carve out a few minutes for."

That's where my bullshit meter dinged. Seriously, Sheen has no ear for dialogue.
posted by maudlin at 1:31 PM on September 9, 2009


CHARLIE SHEEN'S DINNER WITH ANDRÉ

By Charlie Sheen
Directed by Charlie Sheen
Starring:
Charlie Sheen
André

(c) 2009 Charlie Sheen

Enter CHARLIE SHEEN and ANDRÉ, Charlie brandishing a large manilla folder stuffed with Important Documents. Both sit.

CHARLIE SHEEN: André; In researching your position regarding the events of 9/11 and the subsequent investigation that followed, am I correct to understand that you fully support and endorse the findings of the commission report otherwise known as the ‘official story’?

ANDRÉ: Well, what we'd do is just sit there and wait for someone to have an impulse to do something. Now in a way that's something like a theatrical improvisation. I mean, you know, if you were a director working on a play by Chekhov, you might have the actors playing the mother, the son or the uncle all sit around in a room and do a made-up scene that isn't in the play. For instance you might say to them: all right, let's say that it's a rainy Sunday afternoon on Sorin's estate and you're all trapped in the drawing room together; and then everyone would improvise, saying and doing what their character might say and do in that circumstance. Except that in this type of improvisation, the kind we did in Poland, the theme is oneself. So, you follow the same law of improvisation, which is that you do whatever your impulse as the character tells you to do, but in this case, you're the character. So there's no imaginary situation to hide behind. And there's no other person to hide behind.

CHARLIE SHEEN: I really wish that were the case, sir. Are you aware, André, of the recent stunning revelations that sixty percent of the 9/11 commissioners have publicly stated that the government agreed not to tell the truth about 9/11 and that the Pentagon was engaged in deliberate deception about their response to the attack?

ANDRÉ: Well, I'll give you a good example. You see, we worked together for a week in the city before we went off to our forest. Of course, Grotowski was there in the city, too, and I heard that every night he conducted something called a beehive, and I loved the sound of this beehive, so a night or two before we were supposed to go off to the country, I grabbed him by the collar and I said: "Listen, about this beehive: you know, I'd kind of like to participate in one. Just instinctively I feel it would be something interesting." And he said: "Well, certainly. In fact, why don't you with your group lead the beehive instead of participating." Well, you know, Charlie, I got very nervous, you know, and I said: "Well, what is a beehive?" He said: "Well, a beehive is at eight o'clock a hundred strangers come into a room." And I said: "Yes?" And he said: "Yes, and whatever happens is a beehive." And I said: "Yes, but what am I supposed to do?" He said: "That's up to you." I said: "No, no! I really don't want to do this. I'll just participate." And he said: "No, no. You lead the beehive!" Well, I was terrified, Charlie. I mean, in a way I felt on stage. I did it anyway.

CHARLIE SHEEN: Again sir, these are not my opinions or assumptions, this is all a matter of public record, reported through mainstream media, painstakingly fact checked and verified.

(André glances into the folder Charlie Sheen handed him)

CHARLIE SHEEN: You’ll notice sir on page one of the dossier dated August of ‘06 from the Washington Post, the statements of John Farmer, senior council to the 9/11 commission, his quote stating, “I was shocked how different the truth was from the way it was described.”

ANDRÉ: You see, there was this song. I have a tape of it. I can play it for you one day. And it's just unbelievably beautiful. You see, one of the women in our group knew a few fragments of this song of Saint Francis, and it's a song in which you thank God for your eyes and you thank God for your heart and you thank God for your friends and you thank God for your life. And it repeats itself over and over again, and this became our theme song. I really must play this thing for you one day because you just can't believe that a group of people who don't how to sing could create something so beautiful. So I decided that when the people arrive for the beehive that our group would already be there singing this very beautiful song, and that we would simply sing it over and over again. One of the people decided to bring her very large teddy bear, you know, I think she was a little afraid of this event, and somebody wanted to bring a sheet and somebody else wanted to bring a large bowl of water in case people got hot or thirsty, and somebody suggested that we have candles, that there be no artificial light, but candle light. And I remember watching people preparing for this evening. Of course there was no make-up and no costumes, but it was exactly the way that people prepare for a performance. You know, people were sort of taking off their jewelry and their watches and stowing it away, and making sure it's all secure. And then slowly people arrived, the way they would arrive at the theater, in ones and twos and tens and fifteens, and what-have-you, and we were just sitting there and we were singing this very beautiful song, and people started to sit with us and started to learn the song. Now, there is of course, as in any performance or improvisation, instants for one thing are going to get boring. So, at a certain point, it may have only taken an hour to get there, an hour and a half, I suddenly grabbed this teddy bear and threw it in the air! At which a hundred and forty or thirty people suddenly exploded! You know, it was like a Jackson Pollock painting, you know, human beings exploded out of this tight little circle that was singing this song, and before I knew it there were two circles dancing, you know. One dancing clockwise, the other dancing counterclockwise, with this rhythm mostly from the waist down, in other words like an American Indian dance, with this thumping, persistent rhythm.

CHARLIE SHEEN: André, are you aware of the number of days it took to begin the investigation into JFK’s assassination?

ANDRÉ: Well. Oh, I remember once, when we were in the city, we tried doing an improvisation, you know, the kind that I used to do in New York: everybody's supposed to be on an airplane, and they've all learned from the pilot that there's something wrong with the motor. But what was unusual about this improvisation was that two people who participated in it fell in love! You know, they've in fact married! And when we were--yeah!--out of fear of being on this plane, they fell in love, thinking they were going to die at any moment! And when we went to the forest, these two disappeared, because they understood the experiment so well that they realized that to go off together in the forest was much more important than any kind of experiment the group could do as a whole. [They laugh.] So, about halfway through the week, we stumbled into a clearing in the forest, and the two of them were fast asleep in each other's arms. It was around dawn. And we put flowers on them, to let them know we'd been there, and then we crept away. And then on the last day of our stay in the forest these two showed up and the shook me by my hands and they thanked me very much for the wonderful work they'd been able to do, you see! [They laugh.] So. They understood what it was about. I mean, that of course poses the question of what was it about. But it has something to do with living.

CHARLIE SHEEN: André, I’d like to direct your attention to the stack of documents in the folder I just handed you. The first in from the top is entitled “Operation Northwoods“, a declassified Pentagon plan to stage terror attacks on US soil, to be blamed on Cuba as a pretext for war.

ANDRÉ: Well, you see, I've had a very rough time in the last few months, Charlie. Three different people in my family were in the hospital at the same time. Then my mother died, then Marina had something wrong with her back and we were terribly worried about her, you know, so.... So, I mean, I'm feeling very raw right now. I mean...I mean, I can't sleep, my nerves are shot, I mean, I'm affected by everything. You know, last week, I had this really nice director, from Norway, over for dinner? And he's someone I've known for years and years, and he's somebody I think I'm quite fond of. And, I was sitting there just thinking that he was a pompous, defensive, conservative stuffed-shirt who was only interested in the theater, you know, he was talking and talking, you know, his mother had been a famous Norwegian comedian. I realized he had said "I remember my mother" at least four hundred times during the evening. And he was telling story after story about his mother, you know, I'd heard these stories twenty times in the past. He was drinking this whole bottle of bourbon very quietly, and his laugh was so horrible! You know, I could hear his laugh, the pain in that laugh, the hollowness, you know, what being that woman's son had done to him, you know. So at a certain point I just had to ask him to leave, nicely, you know, I told him I had to get up early the next morning 'cause it was so horrible. It was just as if he had died in my living room, and then, you know, then I went into the bathroom and cried 'cause I felt I'd lost a friend.

CHARLIE SHEEN: Thank you, André. Okay, first; On the FBI’s most wanted list Osama Bin Laden is not charged with the crimes of 911. When I called the FBI to ask them why this was the case, they replied: “There’s not enough evidence to link Bin Laden to the crime scene,” I later discovered he had never even been indicted by the D.O.J.

ANDRÉ: You know, it's like what happened just before my mother died. You know, we'd gone to the hospital to see my mother, and I went in to see her. And I saw this woman who looked as bad as any survivor of Auschwitz or Dachau. And I was out in the hall, sort of comforting my father, when a doctor who is a specialist in a problem that she had with her arm, went into her room and came out just beaming. And he said: "Boy! Don't we have a lot of reason to feel great! Isn't it wonderful how she's coming along!" Now, all he saw was the arm, that's all he saw. Now, here's another person who's existing in a dream. Who on top of that is a kind of butcher, who's committing a kind of familial murder, because when he comes out of that room he psychically kills us by taking us into a dream world, where we become confused and frightened.

CHARLIE SHEEN: André, I implore you based on the evidence you now possess, to use your directorial powers. Prove to us all André, that you do, in fact, care. Create a truly comprehensive and open piece of theatre about 9/11 and its aftermath. The families deserve the truth, the American people and the rest of the free world deserve the truth. André --

ANDRÉ: These evenings are really like sort of sickly dreams, because people are talking in symbols. Everyone's sort of floating through this fog of symbols and unconscious feelings. No one says what they're really thinking about.

CHARLIE SHEEN: -- Make sure you're on the right side of history.

ANDRÉ: You know, in the sexual act there's that moment of complete forgetting, which is so incredible. Then in the next moment you start to think about things: work on the play, what you've got to do tomorrow. I don't know if this is true of you, but I think it must be quite common. The world comes in quite fast. Now that again may be because we're afraid to stay in that place of forgetting, because that again is close to death. Like people who are afraid to go to sleep. In other words: you interrelate and you don't know what the next moment will bring, and to not know what the next moment will bring brings you closer to a perception of death!
You see, that's why I think that people have affairs. Well, I mean, you know, in the theater, if you get good reviews, you feel for a moment that you've got your hands on something. You know what I mean? I mean it's a good feeling. But then that feeling goes quite quickly. And once again you don't know quite what you should do next. What'll happen?

CHARLIE SHEEN: Thank you.

ANDRÉ: My staff will be in touch.
posted by Shepherd at 1:32 PM on September 9, 2009 [11 favorites]


I don't know about building the explosives into the towers, but when I watched them fall on TV I thought "geez, those must not have been built very well" and haven't heard a mumble since of anybody investigating whether the construction materials might've been not what they should be... fire alone cannot possibly weaken good steel enough to make Building 7 fall, but bad steel? (If there has been an investigation, somebody tell me; I don't want to be all alone with my own conspiracy theory)

Anyway, I must note that "Two and a Half Men" is the most popular sitcom on TV with better ratings than "30 Rock", "The Office", "Curb Your Enthusiasm", "Family Guy", "How I Met Your Mother" or "Glenn Beck". But during the summer, "The Big Bang Theory" (which is, semi-incredibly, made by the same Producers) has begun beating "Men" in 'key demographics' (people too young for AARP). So stay tuned.

And before anybody makes an equivalency between CSheen and GBeck, please note that the batshitinsane left-wing stars became stars by doing things other than being batshitinsane. Thank you.
posted by wendell at 1:48 PM on September 9, 2009


Reads exactly like something written by Tom Tomorrow.
posted by unmake at 1:56 PM on September 9, 2009


I wouldn't say this deserves the "batshitinsane" tag.

Mabye the "fakeinterview" would work better...

(i want my 5 minutes back, pleez)
posted by djrock3k at 2:03 PM on September 9, 2009


Any access that Charlie Sheen got with Obama would be because of Martin Sheen, but I guess he doesn't like to admit even to himself how his whole life has been lived under his father's shadow. Although, that last fact might have gotten him an audience with Dubya.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:06 PM on September 9, 2009


Quotes from the wikipedia article on Tertiary_syphilis :

"Tertiary syphilis usually occurs 1–10 years after the initial infection...

Neurological complications at this stage can be diverse. In some patients, manifestations include generalized paresis of the insane which results in personality changes, changes in emotional affect, hyperactive reflexes, and Argyll-Robertson pupil.
...
General paresis, otherwise known as general paresis of the insane, is a severe manifestation of neurosyphilis. It is a chronic dementia which ultimately results in death in as little as 2–3 years. Patients generally have progressive personality changes, memory loss, and poor judgment.

Submitted without comment (except for the added boldness)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:06 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Having sex with whores and doing cocaine.
posted by StopMakingSense at 2:14 PM on September 9, 2009


wendell: fire alone cannot possibly weaken good steel enough to make Building 7 fall, but bad steel?

According to Popular Mechanics (first on the Illuminati's speed dial) steel loses about 50% of its structural integrity at 1100 deg, and jet fuel burns at temps between 800 and 1500 deg.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:18 PM on September 9, 2009


Wait a second... 9/11 was... an inside job??? OMG
How come no one told me?
posted by Theta States at 2:22 PM on September 9, 2009


I don't know about building the explosives into the towers, but when I watched them fall on TV I thought "geez, those must not have been built very well" and haven't heard a mumble since of anybody investigating whether the construction materials might've been not what they should be... fire alone cannot possibly weaken good steel enough to make Building 7 fall, but bad steel? (If there has been an investigation, somebody tell me; I don't want to be all alone with my own conspiracy theory)

What you are describing is what I refer to as a "problem of perceptual scale." Because your entire experience of buildings is that they are solid, inflexible, and immovable it strikes you as odd to see examples of them behaving like floppy pieces of rubber or like crumbly styrofoam. Your brain tries to process this new fact in a way that preserves your prior perception (e.g. this new fact is wrong, or there is more to it), because altering perception alters worldview, which in my pet theory is an undesirable change because it is cognitively more expensive. So your mind tries to avoid it.


Of course fire can weaken good steel. "Weak" does not mean that you can bend it, it means that it can no longer support the weight of whatever is holding it.

Here is a simulation from a Purdue University study demonstrating it.

Short story: impact knocked fireproofing off of the building materials, and also knocked out many support members entirely. The exposed materials (steel but also aluminum and concrete) failed under the heat. They didn't have to melt completely. As long as they weakened enough to allow the entire building above them to fall 10-12 ft, they would crash into the also weakened support members of the floor below - but the lower floor will fail under with less heat than the floor above it because it is now supporting NOT the weight of the building above it, but the weight of all the floors above it (mass) times the acceleration due to gravity.

If big things smash into big things, they don't behave like small things smashing into small things, because a big thing is made of millions of divisible units that fly apart, break apart, or otherwise behave unpredictably.
posted by Pastabagel at 2:24 PM on September 9, 2009 [13 favorites]


The great thing about insanity is how it expands the realms of the possible. In 20 years, the distance between 1970 when the towers were finished and 2001 with be so short in relative terms that some conspiracy theorists will happily postulate that the Bushes/Bilderbergs/Illuminati built the towers with the express purpose of blowing them up when one of their own took office decades later. That's how far in advance they planned.

In fact, the explosives were built into the towers. The 1993 bombing occured because the timers in the explosives embedded in the building's structure malfunctioned when they were activated in 1991 (under H. W. Bush), and didn't actually detonate until 1993. The Perot candidacy that split the republican party and led to the Clinton victory was the Illuminati punishing Bush for failing to detonate the towers.

Anyway, when W took office, it was time to try the plan again. This time they took no chances, and just set all the explosives on every floor off.


And your comment, Pastabagel, will be cited as "evidence" to "prove" the government blew the towers up.
posted by Ironmouth at 2:30 PM on September 9, 2009


Also, re: "inside job," a friend of mine worked in the Pentagon back then and was pulling into the parking lot and literally saw the blur of the plane and then felt the heat wave pass over her as she ducked down under the dashboard. She described it to me personally.
posted by Ironmouth at 2:34 PM on September 9, 2009


If Martin and Charlie have both had imaginary meetings with the President, does this mean Emilio is next? Also Michael Douglas, whom I regularly confused with Martin Sheen as a child. And while we're at it, i think Dennis Haysbert deserves a fantasy interview to settle the "who was the first Black President?" controversy. And also Haysbert needs to be investigated for his policies regarding torture.This reminds me of something I've always wondererd.

Know how when a president or Head of State dies, all the remaining presidents show up to the funeral? Does this rule apply for fictional presidents as well? When Martin Sheen dies, are John Goodman, James Cromwell, and Jimmy Smits expected to show up in official capacity?

I had a coworker argue that the government controls the weather. Seriously. I asked him if he thought they were doing a good job.

Well, your coworker was on to something, but the truth is the Chinese have the Weather Machine, but it's still mostly experimental, and barely under their control. If this seems far fetched, i ask you to think of this...PANDAS. I mean c'mon. Those things can't be real. And if you can make your own kind of super adorable bear, who's to say you can't have a weather machine?

Dear President Obama,

When are you going to reinvestigate the role of Pandas in the Goverment's botched response to Hurrican Katrina?!? Or are you afraid of [redacted] Kevin Kline on more than one occasion, and also John Goodman as King Ralph[redacted] if you weren't born in Kenya?

signed,
Billyfleetwood
posted by billyfleetwood at 2:38 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]


The existance of truthers themselves is an interesting phenomenon.

Not at all.

History is filled with people lying to others. So its no shock that governments/corporations have been caught in the past lying.

Thus the existence of people who think the official story is bunk exist.

What is interesting is not that people who think they have been lied to exist, but that people who do not think they have been lied to in any way. Here on Metafilter there is at least one poster who complained about the Bush II lies and has claimed that under Obama the lies have stopped. 100% stopped. (That'll be nice chewy Shraderfaude when Obama administration deceptions come to light....whatever they may be)

I'd love to see a count of people who think the 9/11 report is 100% correct and accurate.
posted by rough ashlar at 2:39 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: Having sex with whores and doing cocaine.
posted by joe lisboa at 2:43 PM on September 9, 2009


And your comment, Pastabagel, will be cited as "evidence" to "prove" the government blew the towers up.

You laugh, but a random comment I made on Metafilter reporting something I heard on the radio has become "evidence" proving that a plane with 200 passengers mysteriously disappeared on the morning of September 11. It's even in Loose Change!
posted by turaho at 2:44 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]


What is interesting is not that people who think they have been lied to exist, but that people who do not think they have been lied to in any way ... uh, exist? This is a straw-man, sir. I say this out of respect. I doubt anyone who's critical of 9/11 conspiracy theories honestly believes they've NEVAR been lied to before in their entire life. That's just not a charitable premise to start with and does the sort of claims I imagine you'd like to advance no service whatsoever. Again, I say this from a kind and not cutting place.
posted by joe lisboa at 2:45 PM on September 9, 2009


I'd love to see a count of people who think the 9/11 report is 100% correct and accurate.

Loaded stance there. It's possible (and likely certain) for the 9/11 report to be incorrect and inaccurate on several fronts and still be correct in its general nature. Just as the Warren Commission report can have several things wrong, yet still be correct that Oswald acted alone.

Truthers and all conspiracy nuts are very much an interesting phenomenon if you look at them as examples where human pattern recognition has gone completely awry.

"We've been lied to before."
"Yes, yes we have."
"So it stands to reason that we're being lied to now."
"No, no it doesn't."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:51 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


Cool Papa Bell: Loaded stance there. It's possible (and likely certain) for the 9/11 report to be incorrect and inaccurate on several fronts and still be correct in its general nature. Just as the Warren Commission report can have several things wrong, yet still be correct that Oswald acted alone.

Now I really wish Oliver Stone's World Trade Center had followed his JFK and been Oliver Stone's Loose Change.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:54 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


How Charlie Sheen spent his summer vacation

WHO: This is the White House operator, how may I direct your call?

CS: Yeah, hi. Charlie Sheen, here. I'm calling to set up an appointment with the president.

WHO: I'm sorry, who is this?

PBO: Charlie Sheen! Beloved Hollywood actor. 2 1/2 Men? Major League? My dad used to be the president. On TV. I slept with Denise Richards...

WHO: Excuse me?!

CS: Yeah, is the president busy? I really need to ask him a few questions about the government conspiracy behind nine eleven.

WHO: Senator Franken, is that you, again? I thought we agreed there would be no more prank phone calls after you were finally seated...

CS: NO! I'M CHARLIE SHEEEEEN!

WHO: I'm hanging up now, Senator Franken.

CS: NO! WAIT!!!

WHO: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

CS: *sigh* Silenced all my life!

Author’s Note: What you have just read may not have actually happened… Who can tell, really? What with all the drugs.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:59 PM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]


I found it believable since this is what inspired it all.

"...when someone with the gravitas of a Charlie Sheen issues a statement, anyone is forced to listen." Yes, the photo of him as "Wild Thing" is all about the gravitas.

I don't know about building the explosives into the towers, but when I watched them fall on TV I thought 'geez, those must not have been built very well'

The twin towers were 110 stories tall. They were designed to have open floor plans, which was accomplished by moving most of the load-bearing vertical supports to the exterior walls instead of scattering them throughout the floors. (See the System Design Concept section of this diagram.) So when the planes hit the buildings, they knocked out ~20%* of each building's vertical support, and also damaged the interior cores that held the elevators and stairs. As pastabagel mentioned the impact also blow off the fireproofing; it also spread a combined 10,000 gallons of jet fuel throughout the floors where the planes hit. The fire weakened the horizontal trusses. American Airlines flight 11 hit the North Tower between the the 93rd and 99th floors, so when the trusses gave out, essentially a 11-story building was dropped onto a 93-story building. United Airlines Flight 175 hit the South Tower between the 77th and 85th floors, so essentially a 25-story building dropped onto a 77-story building. (Diagram showing where the planes hit.)
* Most of one of the four walls in each case.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:01 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


I'd love to see a count of people who think the 9/11 report is 100% correct and accurate.

OK, it's four.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:01 PM on September 9, 2009


This is a straw-man, sir.

Not at all. I made a comment about how someone thought '9/11 truthers' were odd.

(where 9/11 truthers is defined as people who do not think the "truth" of the events of 9/11 have been told to the public. And somehow an objective truth exists.)

I doubt anyone who's critical of 9/11 conspiracy theories

You've jumped from 'truthers' to 'conspiracy theories' or 'theories about conspiracies'. A different set of people who have overlap, but the one set has different people than the other set - even if the person at the core of this Sheen fak'n would be in both sets based on statements he's said.

Plenty of the 'theories' about 'a conspiracy of X about Y' are bunk.

An example of a bunk 'theory' about the events of 9/11 was that the leadership class in a country called Iraq 'conspired' with hijackers of planes on Sept 11th 2001.
posted by rough ashlar at 3:03 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


I find it impossible to believe that there's any overlap whatsoever between fans of The Wire and people who TiVo Two and a Half Men.

Well.... I have to say I'm in that club. But I'll admit that it can get pretty lonely in here...
posted by spilon at 3:07 PM on September 9, 2009


Well, at least there are no exploding presidential bowels and Bill Clinton morphing into a flesh chair for Obama in this one.
posted by Iosephus at 3:18 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


It's a fun exercise to see how soon your BS meters goes off.

I must be a cynical bastard, because the first thing that stood out to me was this:
"I requested 30 minutes given the scope and detail of my inquiry; they said I could have 20."
Huh? The most important man of the free world, to the extent that all of his days are scheduled down to the minute, gave 20 minutes of his time to a third-rate actor? Like hell.

And that was even before I knew what the mock-terview was about.
posted by splice at 3:22 PM on September 9, 2009


Obama: Charlie, I don't know anything about Rachel Maddow, man! She could be like a fucking witch or something!

Sheen: That's even better!! Hot lesbian witches! Think about it! It's fucking genius!

(Exeunt)
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:30 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


I wrote a whole long spiel, but in the interest of tl;dr I'll just say this:

Fuck Charlie Sheen.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:57 PM on September 9, 2009


WHO: This is the White House operator, how may I direct your call?

CS: Yeah, hi. Charlie Sheen, here. I'm calling to set up an appointment with the president.


It's even better if you assume that it's Charlie Sheen talking to David Tennant.
posted by Servo5678 at 4:09 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


It's a fun exercise to see how soon your BS meters goes off.

When I saw that it was a link to infowars.com
posted by Saxon Kane at 4:16 PM on September 9, 2009


Well that was a waste of 7 minutes of my life...
posted by tybeet at 4:20 PM on September 9, 2009


this is a hilarious thread.
posted by msconduct at 4:37 PM on September 9, 2009


Is it just me, or does anyone else sense that this could have easily veered off into gay porn?

---
CS – I have the proof Mr. President, along with scores of documents and facts I’d like you to take a look at. Here.

(I hand him another file – much thicker than the first)

PBO – I see you came prepared Charlie.

CS – No other way to show up Mr. President. When in doubt over prepare I always say.

PBO – Now you sound like the First Lady.

CS – That’s quite a compliment sir.

PBO - But you're different. You're not soft like she is. Don't get me wrong, Michelle is beautiful, but your... virility is quite intoxicating.

CS - Why, Mr. President, you're making me blush. But please, I think we're getting off topic. I brought this rather substantial package --

PBO - Oh really?

(His eyes light up and a devilish grin flashes across his face.)

CS - ... for you to examine.

(I lay my hand on the file. He reaches for it, putting his hand on top of mine. A spark of electricity runs through me. I never knew he was so magnetic up close and personal.)

PBO - (Nodding) Yes, it is quite... thick. I'm going to have to take a hard look at this. What you've brought me looks like it might be hard to swallow, but I think we can work out something mutually... satisfying?

CS - Yes, Mr. President. I think we can.

(I can feel my heart beating faster, and the throbbing in my chest makes its way down to my loins. I glance down at the President's lap and am shocked by the huge bulge I see slowly expanding down the thigh of his designer suit.)

CS - Mr. President, the last Democrat in office was Bill Clinton. What have you learned from his example?

PBO - That a real man doesn't need cigars when he's got this.

(He stands up, and now I'm eye-level to the "October Surprise" he's got in his pants. He unzips, revealing the most beautiful cock I've ever seen -- it's even better than Emilio's.)

PBO - Now, Charlie, how'd you like to take a ride on Air Force One?

CS - (Wrapping both hands around his "Truth Commission.) Feels more like Air Force 10 and a half to me! But I think I could be up for a little "Exit Polling." How'd you like to preemptively invade MyHole-istan? You'll be greeted as a liberator. (I lick my lips.)

PBO - All right, enough with the lame jokes. This isn't your stupid sitcom. Now bend over, whitey, I'm gonna give it to you Chicago-style.
posted by Saxon Kane at 4:40 PM on September 9, 2009 [15 favorites]


That is the wrongest thing I have read today.
posted by desjardins at 4:55 PM on September 9, 2009


Isn't Charlie Sheen the one who said his name sounds like a Vietnamese hair product?
posted by bwg at 5:04 PM on September 9, 2009


An example of a bunk 'theory' about the events of 9/11 was that the leadership class in a country called Iraq 'conspired' with hijackers of planes on Sept 11th 2001.

Sheen getting involved in questioning the official account of 9/11 reminded me of the Suzanne Somers HRT boondoggle.

Somers notes, correctly, that the mainstream media medical professionals and research scientists are often in the pocket of the pharmaceutical industry, frequently to the detriment of the health and well-being of everyday people. However, her own medical quackery makes her the worse spokesperson for questioning the status quo.

Likewise, Sheen is himself correct that the official account for 9/11 leaves a lot of unanswered and troubling questions about the Bush administration, its people, and its interests. However, he, too, is the probably not the best representative to ask these questions.

If only we had a viable, independent media options to question the corporate record of events, and a process for actually holding incompetent and criminal government officials to account for their conduct that lead up to 9/11, other than Diebold-rigged voting mechanisms.

For lack of options, we get the official account of 9/11 making the United States look like a banana republic. It only gets worse from there, when brainless celebrities make a joke out of the corruption, incompetence and conspiracy that allowed 9/11 and the illegal colonial war that followed to occur.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:27 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


Some pretty unbelievable stuff here. Like the Navy training aquatic Phocids to drive boats. Huh.
(How’d Sheen misscap SEAL? He was in the freakin movie.

“Now bend over, whitey, I'm gonna give it to you Chicago-style.”

Jeezus, he put sport peppers on it?

“If only we had a viable, independent media options to question the corporate record of events, and a process for actually holding incompetent and criminal government officials to account for their conduct that lead up to 9/11, other than Diebold-rigged voting mechanisms.
For lack of options, we get the official account of 9/11 making the United States look like a banana republic. It only gets worse from there, when brainless celebrities make a joke out of the corruption, incompetence and conspiracy that allowed 9/11 and the illegal colonial war that followed to occur.”

Yeah. Well said.
posted by Smedleyman at 5:37 PM on September 9, 2009



Jeezus, he put sport peppers on it?


Don't forget the celery salt.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:58 PM on September 9, 2009


a process for actually holding incompetent and criminal government officials to account for their conduct

In theory the Grand Jury in your county has that power. All you have to do is get in front of that Grand Jury with the charge (Thus making you a target for retribution) of a public official committing a felony. Then the Grand Jury members have to be willing to issue a true bill. (Thus making THEM a target for retribution) Then a few other people would have to agree (Thus making them a target)

("What do you expect when you sue the president?" senior IRS official Paul Breslan told Judicial Watch, the Washington-based legal watchdog group that had filed 50-plus legal actions against the Clinton administration and subsequently found itself in the IRS's cross hairs - as an example of "retribution". See also Nixon's behavior.)

For lack of options, we get the official account of 9/11 making the United States look like a banana republic. It only gets worse from there, when brainless celebrities make a joke out of the corruption,

Now this didn't make the front page of the blue, and might not have made your radar - but China has the USA beat.

the first grader proudly announced that she dreamed of becoming “a corrupt official, as they have lots of property.”

We now return to your discussion of a non-event.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:07 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


miss lynnster, never apologize for a FPP that leads to a thread of this entertainment level.
posted by squasha at 7:37 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Interesting theories, but they don't stand up. Eg:
>> The technology to enable cell phone calls from high-altitude airline flights was not created until 2004.

No special new equipment is required to make a cell phone call from a plane. In many ways it's easier as you will have line of sight to multiple phone towers. You may confuse the system a bit because your handset can see more towers than normal and is travelling at 500 mph, but it does work.
posted by w0mbat at 9:55 PM on September 9, 2009


tl;dr (...mostly)

Charlie should've gotten Aaron Sorkin to punch it up a little. Maybe have CS and PBO walking the WH halls while having this little convo.
posted by fuse theorem at 10:28 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


And he's fat!
posted by mazola at 10:32 PM on September 9, 2009


How I spent my 20 minutes with the president
PH: How are you mister president?

BO: I'm good, how are you.

PH: I'm good. I have to say you're even hotter in person

BO: You to. You know I TiVO your show all the time.

PH: Is my show still on the air?

BO: I Guess.

PH: *Lights up a joint, takes a hit*

PH: Would you like some?

BO: Sure

BO: *Takes a drag.*

PH: We've got 18 minutes left.

PH: *Looks BO in the eyes, my lips part*

BO: Then let's cut to the chase.

PH: We don't have time for cliche's, mr. president.

PH: *slips off the left strap of her satin top*

PH: Take your clothes off

Porno Music: Bowmp chicka bowmp bow
Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… YET.
posted by Paris Hilton at 12:05 AM on September 10, 2009


The tip off for me was not the tivo claim (he was just being nice?) or the ears joke (has been made by PBO before, though much better executed) but rather, the brevity of the presidents responses.
Really? Has PBO ever answered something without a long explanation? Sure, maybe occasional one or two sentence response to entice the interviewer into asking a more in-depth question where he can lay it all out. But the greatest orator of our time does not say 'I am aware of certain “in fighting” . . .'

I don't think so.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 1:01 AM on September 10, 2009 [1 favorite]


In theory the Grand Jury in your county has that power. All you have to do is get in front of that Grand Jury with the charge (Thus making you a target for retribution) of a public official committing a felony. Then the Grand Jury members have to be willing to issue a true bill. (Thus making THEM a target for retribution) Then a few other people would have to agree (Thus making them a target)

Geez, aren't you afraid that posting all that truth makes you a target for retribution?
posted by turaho at 6:32 AM on September 10, 2009


And to further your education turaho:

The Key to Restoring Honest Government
How and Whom is the GRAND JURY supposed to check on?
What is the GRAND JURY’s role in maintaining honest government?
Why is the GRAND JURY the perfect institution for maintaining honest government?
How and Why this important role of GRAND JURY has been forgotten about?
How can YOU restore honest government with FULLY INFORMED GRAND JURIES?

posted by rough ashlar at 7:25 AM on September 10, 2009


How I spent my 20 minutes with the president
m: [Turns on TV]
m: [Watches Presidential address for 20 minutes]
m: [Gets bored. Turns to "2 1/2 Men"]
Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… YET.*


-----
* Especially that "2 1/2 Men" part"

posted by mazola at 7:31 AM on September 10, 2009


My 20 Minutes with the President:

CB: Wow! I can't believe I'm hanging out with the President! Dude! This is so awesome! Holy shit, I just called you "Dude". Is that, like, allowed?

BO: Actually, the proper thing is to say "Mister President".

CB: Oh. Sorry, um, Mister President.

BO: It's OK.

6 minutes of awkward silence

CB: Um, remember that time you had those Somalian pirates taken out? That was awesome!

2 minutes of awkward silence

CB: I mean, that was awesome, Mister President.

BO: Yeah, hey. Um. Do you like basketball?

CB: No, I don't really follow basketball.

Seventy five seconds of awkward silence

CB: I don't follow basketball, Mister President

BO: It's OK. Just, um, ...

CB: Um...

BO: Look, I have to get back to work. You know, President stuff.

CB: I've still got, like, almost 10 minutes. Mister President.

BO: Fine. Fine. Sorry. It's just that I'm pretty busy with, like, hearings and advisors and, um, briefings and whatnot.

Four minutes and twenty three seconds of awkward silence

BO: How about comic books? Did you used to read Spider-Man?

Three minutes of awkward silence

CB: No. Not really. I mean, I read a few when I was a kid. But I just don't see why an adult...

BO: ...

CB: 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!

BO: I gotta go now.

Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… YET.
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:21 AM on September 10, 2009


And another thing about "2 1/2 Men":

How long has that show been on already? Shouldn't it be "2 2/3 Men" by now? 11/16? I mean... c'mon!

</derail>
posted by mazola at 8:30 AM on September 10, 2009


Also, Emilio Estevez gets 10 with Joe Biden. [Marginally NSFW, lots of booberiffic links on the side]
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:57 AM on September 10, 2009


Whatever happened to that bowling-shirt business of his?

Oh shut up, as I slink away... glancing in mirror...
posted by jkaczor at 10:07 AM on September 10, 2009


miss lynnster, never apologize for a FPP that leads to a thread of this entertainment level.

Yeah, I went away for a while but just came back to check it out. My apology is rescinded. This thread was pretty hysterical so I'm glad it exists.

Besides, Charlie Sheen is a complete tool who actually believes that crap, so at least the *theme* of the post was based in total accuracy...
posted by miss lynnster at 6:50 AM on September 11, 2009


I thought that the "interview", although fake, was actually written by Charlie Sheen- right?
posted by dunkadunc at 9:01 AM on September 11, 2009


I don't know about building the explosives into the towers

I do not know either. But 836 people who 'do buildings' for a living are wanting transparency (and I can get behind more sunlight on any large orginization) with the leader of the group claiming there were explosives. And somehow they are listed as a taking tax deductible donations.

Having the tax deductible status removed might be a worthwhile effort for those of you who think such thoughts should not have tax exempt status?
posted by rough ashlar at 9:51 AM on September 11, 2009


Talking to you is like talking to a goat.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:27 AM on September 13, 2009


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