Respectfully yours

October 13, 2009 11:45 AM

Respect Your Pet has launched with a mission of tracking down those individuals who mistreat and humiliate their pets with such tools as creative grooming and silly photography. Their "about" page hints at one reason this is such an important cause for the couple that started the site.

The site may seem like it must be a joke, but one founder swears "my website is not a joke."

posted by amelioration (78 comments total)

What's the point of having a pet if you can't disrespect it?
posted by Not Supplied at 11:47 AM on October 13 [1 favorite]

Through an all inclusive neutering procedure Chuck was able to give Dan a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting.

I'm sorry, I've had very little sleep.

Can someone explain that sentence to me?
posted by A Terrible Llama at 11:48 AM on October 13 [17 favorites]

I maintain that it is not just my right but my obligation to humilate dogs with stupid outfits. It's their punishment for buddying up to throngs of warlike apes in order to get their table scraps.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:48 AM on October 13 [10 favorites]

Through an all inclusive neutering procedure Chuck was able to give Dan a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting.

what does this mean??
posted by pinky at 11:48 AM on October 13

Dan is one of the owners. The about page describes Chuck (their Dog) thusly: Chuck is Autumn’s twin brother. He has a warm heart and is a very special member of the family. Through an all inclusive neutering procedure Chuck was able to give Dan a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting.

WTF kind of transplant did they do?
posted by HyperBlue at 11:49 AM on October 13 [1 favorite]

You know what I think is humiliating for a pet?

Having the whole Internet think the things I am thinking right now about what, exactly, Dan's "life-changing surgeries" and Chuck's "all-inclusive neutering" entailed.
posted by Madamina at 11:49 AM on October 13 [3 favorites]

@A Terrible Llama: I've slept very well, but I still need it explained as well. I get a chill down my spine every time I re-read it.
posted by buzzv at 11:50 AM on October 13

The "about" page showed me a display ad for Evony, that crappy boobless MMORPG.
posted by ben242 at 11:50 AM on October 13

I think it's possible we're being had.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 11:51 AM on October 13 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: not a joke
posted by Joe Beese at 11:52 AM on October 13

THEY DID NOT CUT OFF THE DOG'S PENIS AND ATTACH IT TO THAT "DUDE".
posted by mrnutty at 11:53 AM on October 13 [4 favorites]

I think Dan used to be a woman and the other, heck if I know!
posted by brneyedgrl at 11:55 AM on October 13

MetaFilter: an all inclusive neutering procedure
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:55 AM on October 13

i've seen a lot of FTM's in my time...i think 'dan' might have been born a woman.
posted by sexyrobot at 11:55 AM on October 13

Can you imaging the dog’s confusion when it uses the bathroom and it can’t find the poop to cover it.

Yes. Yes I can. It is probably much like my confusion when I read that sentence.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:55 AM on October 13 [4 favorites]

...unless we all want to tick the opt-in checkbox next to "I think it's possible to attach dog penises to humans."
posted by A Terrible Llama at 11:55 AM on October 13

Yeah, yeah, respect your pet but make fun of the transgendered.

Big frakkin surprise.
posted by dlugoczaj at 11:56 AM on October 13 [4 favorites]

It's a joke. No one believes those photos are un-staged except for... no one really.
posted by GuyZero at 11:59 AM on October 13

Yeah, yeah, respect your pet but make fun of the transgendered.

Actually, what I found funny was the contradiction in the idea of "respect": y'know, that you shouldn't dare give your dog a bad haircut in order to take a funny picture, but should feel free to surgically alter your dog in order to fulfill your own needs when there are other safe and accepted ways to meet those same needs.
posted by amelioration at 12:01 PM on October 13

The great thing about dogs is that they transcend the whole concept of "dignity". Even if you tried to explain to them what it is, they would just go "Baroo?"

Cats, on the other hand, should not be fucked with. They neither forgive nor forget.
posted by Joe Beese at 12:02 PM on October 13 [8 favorites]

Well, they did a nice job getting Dooce followers riled up.
posted by keli at 12:02 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

amelioration: ...like putting condoms on your dog? Eew. No thanks.
posted by caution live frogs at 12:04 PM on October 13

Cats, on the other hand, should not be fucked with. They neither forgive nor forget.

And that's how they wound up as the internet's go-to punchline.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:05 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

I'm happy their archives go well into last month.
posted by preparat at 12:12 PM on October 13

Now, would someone kindly give me Heather’s address, so that I could mail her a dog bowl so that she can learn to properly feed her dog.

This dog is bred from a type of wolves who once feasted on the now-extinct spaghetti trees. They salivate at the sight of pasta, even though the spaghetti trees were never found far from Lake Lugano and the dogs can be found all over the world. Until this man shows me pictures of these wolves eating from naturally formed bowls, I will not respect his views on how dogs choose to eat.

Cats, on the other hand, should not be fucked with. They neither forgive nor forget.

And that's how they wound up as the internet's go-to punchline.

Well, they are often too content to act out, and they know nothing is more feared than a predator without patterns. If cats always cut your throat while their humans slept, then humans wouldn't trust them so much as to feed them relatively tasty things (and there would be fewer humans to feed them).
posted by filthy light thief at 12:14 PM on October 13

Neuticles: allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.
posted by mfoight at 12:14 PM on October 13

Let me ask you this. If you were having a nice Italian dinner with your family, would you ever take your plate of spaghetti over to your daughter and dump it on her head?

If she shat on trees and communicated by barking, I could see myself maybe doing this once in a while, sure.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:18 PM on October 13 [3 favorites]

Neuticles: allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.

Comes in Equine or Bull-size.

For trucks, too. (link is perhaps NSFW)
posted by zarq at 12:19 PM on October 13

Either this site is a hoax, or run by naive people: I have overheard disgusting things from my gardener Jose, but this tops them all. I fear greatly what they put in tacos and burritos south of the border.

That image is a stock photo (via tineye). And if someone was to eat a puppy, they would most assuredly remove the fur first.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:20 PM on October 13

Uh, there's a big difference between poking fun at the transgendered and gasping with incredulity at "a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting." I mean, WHAT THE FUCK.
posted by waraw at 12:20 PM on October 13

Your pet should only wear clothing made specifically for that animal

MOTHERFUCKIN' PIRATE CAT SAYS "FUCK YES"
posted by Greg Nog at 12:24 PM on October 13

This has got to be some sort of weird joke. From Twitter:

Do you have a long haired dog? Be sure to keep it free of dingle berries.
What is Follow Friday? My pets follow me everyday? Except Wednesday when they do Jazzercise with Dan.

Jazzercise? Dingleberries? This can't be serious.

But wait:

I am Barbara Cohen and I run Respect Your Pet. No my website is not a joke. I don't see a cat laughing ...

I'm convinced.
posted by ssg at 12:29 PM on October 13

As far as transplants go, they should have stopped with the baboon hearts.
posted by VikingSword at 12:29 PM on October 13

That spaghetti dog is Dooce's dog so now the internet will shut down as we know it. Doesn't anyone know not to mention, post, or even breathe the name of Dooce or anything/anyone associated with her family?

N00b
posted by stormpooper at 12:31 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

poking fun at the transgendered

I think mainly they're just having a hoot at the gullible masses.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:32 PM on October 13

I don't get it. Something like this should be much funnier.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:34 PM on October 13

I don't get it. Something like this should be much funnier.

I think they went a couple of clicks too far on the believability index.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:36 PM on October 13

From their twitter feed:

The term "heavy petting" is generally acceptable when speaking of pets.

I'll bet they think "feeding the pony" is just fine in equine circles and that it's cool to go dogging with your labrador. Freaks.
posted by rhymer at 12:38 PM on October 13

Much as I hate to advocate this as a solution to anything, I suspect these people need to adopt some needy kids and put their concern somewhere useful.

That said, I shudder to think of the kids they would raise, so scratch that. (And then get your nails trimmed.)
posted by gern at 12:38 PM on October 13

I summarily rule that:

Transgender=okay.

Trans-species= not okay.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:41 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

I should probably add that my original draft of that comment said "have some kids," but then reconsidered. I should have read through for clarity/jackass comments.
posted by gern at 12:43 PM on October 13

I just tried explaining the concept of mutual respect to my 12 yr. old mutt, but she insisted on licking her crotch the entire time, and after I finished speaking she bounced up on the couch and very sweetly and gently vomited up approximately the partial remains of a dead bird she found in the shrubbery.

I think we're making real progress.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 12:48 PM on October 13 [10 favorites]

I find this ironic that I just launched my live cam to spy on my guinea pigs all day. I guess that's abuse?
posted by kendrak at 12:49 PM on October 13

Ay, caramba.
posted by grubi at 12:49 PM on October 13

If you don't know how to do it, I'll show you how to walk the dog.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:51 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

If this is not a joke, I wish these people would spend more time and money fighting actual animal cruelty, of which there is way too much to go around.
posted by blucevalo at 12:54 PM on October 13

You guys are just playing along with the joke, right?
posted by Artw at 1:07 PM on October 13

I greatly respect any efforts to ensure that people's animals are well fed and cared for, and I applaud anyone who works towards that goal.

That said, I will continue to dress up my pets in silly costumes and dance around with them singing nonsensical songs. It's what we do.

Because, and this is something that I think that Barbara and Dan might be missing; The animals they are showing on their front page all appear to be healthy, well fed, and cared for. And sticking a puppy in a tortilla wrap for a photo is not actually harmful, nor is taking a picture of a shaved cat.

In fact, and this might come as a shock to to people looking to anthropomorphize that animal; any cat sitting like that is not in any kind of duress, that is a pose that housecats adopt solely when they feel safe and secure (exposed belly).

"I think this photo proves that animals do have facial expressions."

They do.

"If this isn’t a depressed and disappointed expression, I don’t know what is."

It isn't, and clearly you don't.
posted by quin at 1:08 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

There's zero possibility of this being genuine. Zero. It's outrageous enough to be funny but it's kind of odd seeing something posted to the front page that basically amounts to "lol transgenders are craaaazy!"
posted by chaff at 1:09 PM on October 13

MOTHERFUCKIN' PIRATE CAT SAYS "FUCK YES"

I think that he would say 'Meeyarrrrrrrrrrr!'
posted by Not Supplied at 1:14 PM on October 13

What's their fake outrage at bonzai kitten like?
posted by Artw at 1:15 PM on October 13

There's zero possibility of this being genuine.

There is a stink of earnestness about it, so I responded in kind. If it turns out to be in jest, I will give the nod to having been well played.
posted by quin at 1:17 PM on October 13

The registrant for the website is not named Barbara or Dan Cohen.

This tweet adds to the "all-inclusive neutering procedure" mystery: "Don't forget to spay and neuter your pets. They will thank you for it later."
posted by Houstonian at 1:19 PM on October 13

There are a lot of disrespectful pictures on that site.
posted by HumanComplex at 1:22 PM on October 13

I am genuinely baffled. Joke yes or no? And seriously, what about that surgery/neuter thing? Is there any other possible way to interpret it?
posted by davidmsc at 1:33 PM on October 13

I am Barbara Cohen and I run Respect Your Pet. No my website is not a joke. I don't see a cat laughing ...


That's because they do it behind your back.
posted by tommasz at 1:36 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

I vote joke.
posted by tyllwin at 1:48 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

I don't think that "shaved" cat is actually shaved. Look at the kitty's tummy: there are no nipples! Even male cats have nipples. Plus the skin is an extremely uniform color, which should not happen; the tummy should be at least a bit lighter than surrounding skin. On its forelegs, it looks like fur is sticking out of sleeves.

This is what a shaved "lion cut" looks like on a cat. Which is to say, very, very weird. I have a Maine Coon mix who has a lovely floofy tail, and I will never again look at his tail the same way.
posted by fraula at 1:48 PM on October 13

IIRC that's often done to long hair cast either because they are overheating in summer or their hair has just gotten too matted and gross.

(Also because it looks funny and it stops them being so smug)
posted by Artw at 1:51 PM on October 13 [2 favorites]

It is a joke, and it makes me want to go home, shave my cat, dump spaghetti on his head, and feed him an adorable puppy wrapped up in a tortilla.
posted by juliplease at 2:03 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

If it's a joke it falls between not funny and almost funny.

If it's not, well, there's a whole lot of information I did not need and I'm not sure how much I believe anyway.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:21 PM on October 13 [1 favorite]

"She has two 14 year old(2 in human years) children, Autumn and Chuck."

Ouch.
posted by IndigoJones at 4:37 PM on October 13

Metafilter: that crappy boobless MMORPG.
I don't think I'm doing this right.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:35 PM on October 13

I hope this is a joke.

Because, you know, there are people out there actually abusing and neglecting their pets and not providing them with adequate medical care, decent food, exercise and companionship. Animals care about that, not what kind of haircut they have or whether they have Neuticles for fuck's sake.
posted by biscotti at 6:07 PM on October 13

"Flatulence is a good sign your pet is overweight"

...or eats bugs or is possessed by a foul demon of the nether regions. Have I got a spot on the couch for them!! Honestly, the neighborhood skunk smells better than my dog's skinny ass. I assure you, her Royal Rankness is far from overweight.
posted by onhazier at 7:08 PM on October 13

People who refer to their pets as their "children" are always to be pitied.
posted by kjs3 at 8:44 PM on October 13

I thought the animal -> human years conversion went the other way. Like 14 year old dogs would be at the developmental stage of a 98 year old
posted by rubah at 9:28 PM on October 13

Yea, so they've been alive for 2 human years but that's worth 14 years in maturity for them. (Which, coincidentally, is about the same!)
posted by jacalata at 10:51 PM on October 13

I stand behind my previous remarks. It would seem they apply to "pet's rights" as much as they do to religion.
posted by Pinback at 11:16 PM on October 13

It's about time someone did something about it! Last time I checked poodles do not naturally come in rainbow!
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:09 AM on October 14

Through an all inclusive neutering procedure Chuck was able to give Dan a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting.

Okay -- everyone? No matter how much I may beg you, promise me you all will never, never, never, ever explain this to me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:46 AM on October 14 [1 favorite]

EmpressCallipygos: "Through an all inclusive neutering procedure Chuck was able to give Dan a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting.

Okay -- everyone? No matter how much I may beg you, promise me you all will never, never, never, ever explain this to me."

Yes. A thousand times yes.

Also: it has to be a joke. That said; burrito puppy is adorable!
posted by Peecabu at 8:09 AM on October 14

I miss the old days of handmade web pages, where you could look for html comments in the source for affirmation that it's a joke site. Here I think it would say something like, "<!--hahaha! *Chuck was able to give Dan a wonderful gift that has allowed him to make his relationship with Barbara more exciting* Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't actually think we were serious, did you, suckerhead? Did you? hahaha! -->"
posted by taz at 8:51 AM on October 14 [1 favorite]

Well, considering the whois data has nothing to do with any of the "character" on the site, and on reading the site, I'm calling hoax, but well done.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:13 PM on October 21

I think they pretty much answer the question with this entry.
posted by waraw at 3:50 PM on October 21

Crikey, are you guys still debating whether obviously-a-joke-site is a joke?
posted by Artw at 3:53 PM on October 21

NO JOKE! (link to now-deleted FPP about New Yorker's Crtitters-in-Literary-Costume Photo Contest.)
posted by not_on_display at 8:41 PM on October 21

I preferred Average Cats for deadpan earnestness.

I couldn't work out how the traditional dog "gifts" of poop, puppies, or small, dead animals were relevant.
posted by Pronoiac at 9:31 PM on October 21