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I'd like to thank the Academy ... seriously
November 19, 2009 1:21 PM   Subscribe

25 things the Academy did right in Zeroes

Alternately ... the 50 most despicable Oscar snubs of the Zeroes.
posted by philip-random (60 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
I don't think the decade is going to end up being called the Zeroes. I certainly don't think of it like that, and I had no idea what your links meant in that respect until I actually went to read them.
posted by Caduceus at 1:29 PM on November 19, 2009 [4 favorites]


I always enjoyed referring to this decade as the "oh-ohs". Or the Naughties.
posted by Uncle Ira at 1:36 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


I affirm the use of the term 'the zeroes'.
posted by localhuman at 1:37 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


1. 2007 in general

Ugh! I thought that ceremony was abysmal. I hope Paul Thomas Anderson slashed the Coen Brothers's tires.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 1:38 PM on November 19, 2009 [2 favorites]


I'm just happy they've given Roger Corman some love.
posted by brundlefly at 1:39 PM on November 19, 2009


I don't think the decade is going to end up being called the Zeroes.

A friend of mine coined, and I've been trying to spread, using "twenty-ohs" as the correct name for this decade.

It's been nearly 10 years I've been trying this. Talk about a concept without legs!
posted by hippybear at 1:41 PM on November 19, 2009


Aughts
posted by gurple at 1:52 PM on November 19, 2009


Just call it the Thousands.

Also, the bastards should've given WALL-E best picture.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:56 PM on November 19, 2009


25 things the Academy did right in Zeroes

On the other hand: Crash
posted by Artw at 1:57 PM on November 19, 2009 [8 favorites]


Aughts are like leagues and furlongs. Short of fifty odd million mostly white people who prefer their steak boiled, nobody knows what the hell they are.
posted by philip-random at 1:59 PM on November 19, 2009


So whats the betting on The Soloist being the worst film to win an Oscar this year?
posted by Artw at 1:59 PM on November 19, 2009


Aughts are like leagues and furlongs. Short of fifty odd million mostly white people who prefer their steak boiled, nobody knows what the hell they are.

"Never underestimate the power of a fifty odd million mostly white people who prefer their steak boiled to change the world. Indeed, it has never been done otherwise."
posted by gurple at 2:02 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


It's funny that these are all hedged and bittersweet. "Things Which Seen in the Right Light, It's Fair to Say the Academy Did Less Wrong Than Usual."
posted by fleacircus at 2:08 PM on November 19, 2009


I would just like to "ARGH!" that this sentence's awkward punctuation is awkward* and unnecessary:

Most prognosticators saw "Gladiator"'s Ridley Scott and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"'s Ang Lee as the likely winners, but...

Why is that whole godforsaken article italicized?! Why not just the film titles? I mean, really. Why make it all so ridiculously complicated? This pisses me off more than that stupid Crash film winning that one year.

*I don't care if it's "legal." It's awkward and unnecessary.
posted by heyho at 2:21 PM on November 19, 2009


Can we please agree on what era it is we're living in? (Slate, 2004)

Options include:
* aughts, aughties, and double-aughts, from aught, which, like naught, means "zero" (aughts was one of the more popular terms in the early 20th century)
* oughts, oughties, and double-oughts, from ought, an archaic variant of aught
* nils and nillies, from nil, meaning "nothing"
* 2Ks, from the Greek term khilioi, meaning "thousand"
* ōzies and the Twenty-Os, ohs, double ohs, oh-ohs, ohties, and twenty ohs, from the practice of calling the number zero "O"
* zeroes, double zeroes, oh-zeroes
posted by filthy light thief at 2:21 PM on November 19, 2009


It's the Two-Thousands and I think Mulholland Drive got just what it deserved.
posted by bonobothegreat at 2:27 PM on November 19, 2009


I've come to the conclusion that in the future, we'll refer to this decade only as the '00s, pronounced not with words, but with a pause, a soft sigh, and a deprecating wave of the hand.
posted by muddgirl at 2:28 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


"Touques" (pronounced like a Canadian hat), short for 2K's
posted by gurple at 2:32 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


Gladiator

What a dumb movie! Wronged man becomes slave, rises up and SAVES possibly the most corrupt empire mankind has ever known. No wonder Americans like it so much ... and it was made by mostly Brits.

As a Canadian, I'm allowed to say things like this.
posted by philip-random at 2:33 PM on November 19, 2009


As a Canadian, I'm allowed to say things like this.

Allowed, perhaps. But should you?
posted by hippybear at 2:42 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


As a Canadian, I'm allowed to say things like this.

Who is your head of state again?
posted by Artw at 2:49 PM on November 19, 2009


Last I looked, I think it was this guy but I was on psychedelics at the time.
posted by philip-random at 3:18 PM on November 19, 2009


I thought it was Dudley Do-right.
posted by jokeefe at 3:35 PM on November 19, 2009


There sure is a lot of nodding going on there.

I know that the term makes sense in that context, but really, if you're going to have a list of 25 things, maybe you could find a synonym or two and mix it up a little?
posted by Godbert at 3:44 PM on November 19, 2009


Haven't watched (or even followed) the Oscars since Dances With Wolves beat Goodfellas for Best Picture AND Best Director.

The Academy could never make that up to me.
posted by coolguymichael at 3:45 PM on November 19, 2009 [4 favorites]


Wronged man becomes slave, rises up and SAVES possibly the most corrupt empire mankind has ever known.

"but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"

I mean, really. Context! It's not like if it hadn't been for the Romans all of Europe would have been living under an enlightened parliamentary democracy.
posted by Justinian at 3:54 PM on November 19, 2009


Is what we are saying here that Gladiator and Braveheart are mutually exclusive?
posted by Artw at 4:00 PM on November 19, 2009


Wronged man becomes slave, rises up and SAVES possibly the most corrupt empire mankind has ever known.

Wouldn't Nazi Europe be a more corrupt empire?
posted by Burhanistan at 4:00 PM on November 19, 2009


You know what would be an awesome suprise alternate ending for Valkyrie?
posted by Artw at 4:10 PM on November 19, 2009


You know what would be an awesome suprise alternate ending for Valkyrie?

The ship doesn't get sunk by the iceberg?
posted by Electric Dragon at 4:19 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


As a Canadian, I'm allowed to say things like this.

Who is your head of state again?


The Queen of Canada, a distinction she holds separately from that of her other 15 kingdoms.

But, y'know, facts.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:51 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know who else rose up and SAVED perhaps the most corrupt empire that mankind has ever known ...
posted by philip-random at 4:54 PM on November 19, 2009


It's not 'the Zeroes,' it's the Double-Aughts, as in buckshot.
posted by jonmc at 4:54 PM on November 19, 2009


However good or bad the aughts may be, they are certainly better than the 90s - the decade that bestowed six oscars, including best picture, on the execrable Forrest Gump.
posted by googly at 5:08 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know who else rose up and SAVED perhaps the most corrupt empire that mankind has ever known ...

Tom Cruise, except Electric Dragon fucked it up.
posted by Artw at 5:12 PM on November 19, 2009


The Queen of Canada, a distinction she holds separately from that of her other 15 kingdoms.

Sure, that's what you guys tell yourselves as you weep into your currency.
posted by Artw at 5:12 PM on November 19, 2009


However good or bad the aughts may be, they are certainly better than the 90s - the decade that bestowed six oscars, including best picture, on the execrable Forrest Gump.

A thousand times this. I just looked at the wikipedia page for Best Picture, and of the 45 films nominated from 2000 to the present, I have seen 37 of them. The worst of that 37 was surely the banal Crash, but at least it was just dull and obvious. Forrest Gump was a glistening turd in every regard.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:58 PM on November 19, 2009


Haven't watched (or even followed) the Oscars since Dances With Wolves beat Goodfellas for Best Picture AND Best Director.

I urge you to go back an look at the nominees from 1990. While I concur it was a bad choice to overlook the masterful Goodfellas, at the very least it is inarguable that Dances With Wolves is far better than any of the other three movies up for the statue.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:03 PM on November 19, 2009


Urgh, if only the original poster had kept the articles actual title "...in the 2000s" and we wouldn't have this huge derail about what the 00s are called.

I think the list is a really good one - although no surprise that a site called IndieWire likes it when independent-style films and actors get the nods.

And 2007 was an awesome year for the Oscars. And with Jon Stewart as host, it was a fun ceremony to watch, too.
posted by crossoverman at 6:05 PM on November 19, 2009


he decade that bestowed six oscars, including best picture, on the execrable Forrest Gump.

I remember seeing the trailer for Forrest Stupid and HATING it to the extent of there being no doubt in my mind: I would NEVER waste precious minutes of my life on that execrable piece of $&$%%!!! That it won the Best Picture Oscar half a year later just drove home the point: the Academy HATES me. The same thing also happened with Dances With Mullet.

But every now and then the Academy does get it right. No Country For Old Men, for example. God damned humans, you just can't nail 'em down.
posted by philip-random at 6:12 PM on November 19, 2009


Isn't the message of Forrest Gump that if you're in any way creative or smart you deserve AIDS?
posted by Artw at 6:18 PM on November 19, 2009


A friend of mine coined, and I've been trying to spread, using "twenty-ohs" as the correct name for this decade.

Dibs on the breakfast cereal rights. "Twenty-Ohs: It's like getting hit in the head with a dot-com crash of flavor!"
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:19 PM on November 19, 2009


Isn't the message of Forrest Gump that if you're in any way creative or smart you deserve AIDS?

Seriously? Forrest is the pu, the uncarved block. He remains unaffected by events around him. Cap'n Dan believes in destiny, Jenny believes she can carve her own fate, but it is only Forrest who continues through history without damage, because his state of innocence allows him to be effective in any scenario. It's a Zen parable. But you already knew that.

posted by hippybear at 8:49 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


I would say the message of Forrest Gump is that you should always do what everyone else tells you to, and if you try to improve yourself, god will give you AIDS.
On the positive side, it had a really good soundtrack.
posted by WhackyparseThis at 9:04 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


I hated Forrest Gump because it took a spectacularly sardonic book packed with cynicism and disdain for humanity, and turned it into a feel-good movie.

The real quote from the book is "bein' an idiot is no box of chocolates."

Neither Jenny nor Forrest's mom die in the book, but we gotta make it a tear-jerker, right?

And Jenny has sex with Forrest not out of love, but because he's hung like a bear.

I fucking hate that movie.
posted by tzikeh at 9:48 PM on November 19, 2009 [3 favorites]


I hated Forrest Gump because it took a spectacularly sardonic book packed with cynicism and disdain for humanity, and turned it into a feel-good movie.

I didn't see the Oscars the night Gump won (and a million fairies suddenly died) but I remembering a screenwriting friend of mine who wondered afterward: "Weird, everybody got thanked last night, even the bloody extras. But nobody ever even mentioned the guy who wrote the book."

Smells like some research is required.
posted by philip-random at 10:00 PM on November 19, 2009


Wow. I never even heard of there being a book.
posted by Artw at 10:11 PM on November 19, 2009


Forrest Gump won over Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show, and The Shawshank Redemption.

Titanic won in 1997 over L.A. Confidential.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:24 PM on November 19, 2009


Eastern Promises kicks ass. That is all.
posted by nestor_makhno at 10:27 PM on November 19, 2009


Titanic won in 1997 over L.A. Confidential.

No flies on LA Confidential (although the book was better, James Elroy is not unlike a messed up Greek God!) ... but if Chinatown didn't get a Best Picture Oscar*, why should it?




* Towering Inferno also lost to Godfather Part II in 1975.
posted by philip-random at 11:13 PM on November 19, 2009


On the other hand: Crash

I greatly dislike Crash (2004), for it makes it confusing to talk about David Cronenberg's far superior film with the same name from just a decade earlier. And don't get me started on the content of this stinker, for it was like a special issue of Highlights for Children focusing on race relations in SoCal. Sandra Bullock's whiny performance made me wonder why I liked her work in Speed. Calling this film ham-handed is too generous, for it was ham-headed.
posted by porn in the woods at 11:46 PM on November 19, 2009 [1 favorite]


I describe this current decade as 'the new millennium':

"Many say that Crash is the lamest Oscar-winning film of the new millennium."

This is as awkward as aughts or anything, and harder to spell, but it actually works in conversation.
posted by ovvl at 4:29 AM on November 20, 2009


Ugh! I thought that [2007] ceremony was abysmal. I hope Paul Thomas Anderson slashed the Coen Brothers's tires.

Bitch, please. No Country was a taut thriller; There Will Be Blood was a punishing slog. I generally think the Academy is irrelevant and off the mark, but that was an excellent upset.
posted by kittyprecious at 5:54 AM on November 20, 2009


I've read the book as well. I didn't mind most of the conservative moralizin' being toned down for the film, but yeah, there's a marked difference. Forrest in the book is a giant hulk of an idiot with a lot less whimsical innocence and a lot more brute stupidity. Oh, yeah, and he is hung like a train.
posted by Spatch at 5:59 AM on November 20, 2009


No Country was a taut thriller

One of the characteristics of a "taut" movie is that you can't imagine getting rid of any of the scenes. No Country for Old Men is so self-nullifying that you can pretty much get rid of all the scenes, to the same effect. Maybe keep the "friendo" scene that is the movie in a nutshell, and the dog chase scene because it was the only good bit of film—but not good enough for me to fool myself into liking the rest of the thing.
posted by fleacircus at 6:50 AM on November 20, 2009


Sorry, fleacircus, I can't let the last comment in this thread be a dis of "No Country For Old Men". You're critiquing like it was intending to be a standard thriller. It wasn't.

Rather, it was using various thriller conventions to do "something else". As I don't have the time or inclination to launch into an essay right now, let's just say that that "something else" is connected with the line in the movie (repeated more than once, I believe) "You never know what's coming."

The movie starts dealing with this notion within the conventional form of a thriller but by the time it hits its final act, all bets are off. It's not the characters that are getting blind-sided, it's the audience.

Pure genius. And SERIOUS MAN nails it, too.
posted by philip-random at 10:44 AM on November 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


... and finally, I'm seriously very sorry I referred to this decade (almost done but not really; there's technically a full year yet to come) as the ZEROES in the title and links of this thread. It derailed things before they had a chance to get started. Such are the wages of smartassdom.
posted by philip-random at 10:47 AM on November 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Here's my very favorite Oscar "what the fuck?" moment: in 1974, Art Carney won Best Actor for his massively influential work in the timeless classic Harry and Tonto. This was his competition:

Albert Finney - Murder on the Orient Express as Hercule Poirot
Dustin Hoffman - Lenny as Lenny Bruce
Jack Nicholson - Chinatown as Jake 'J.J.' Gittes
Al Pacino - The Godfather Part II as Don Michael Corleone
posted by Skot at 11:00 AM on November 20, 2009


Artw: Who is your head of state again?

You mean the lady without the authority to abuse power and cock it all up?



Artw: Sure, that's what you guys tell yourselves as you weep into your currency.

At least we can tell which denominations not to blow our noses in when we're drunk. :D


(This is fun.)
posted by Decimask at 5:25 PM on November 20, 2009 [1 favorite]


Here's my very favorite Oscar "what the fuck?" moment: in 1974, Art Carney won Best Actor for his massively influential work in the timeless classic Harry and Tonto.

Wow, I don't think I'd ever heard of that film or the fact he cheated the entire rest of the category out of their deserved Oscars. That was a fuck up!
posted by crossoverman at 6:22 AM on November 21, 2009


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