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Mom's First Nude Shoot
January 20, 2010 6:01 PM   Subscribe

This isn't one of those stories about how empowering it was to pose naked for a magazine.
posted by Joe Beese (57 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Maybe this is.
posted by swift at 6:09 PM on January 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


I so wanted to make the Scott Brown joke.
posted by mecran01 at 6:13 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


What was it Nelson said after walking out of Naked Lunch?
posted by Wanderlust88 at 6:31 PM on January 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


To be fair, Time Out isn't really a magazine, it's more like an abridged edition of the local phone book with cute doodles in the margins.
posted by hermitosis at 6:31 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I can very much relate to all of her reluctances, but she looks great. Who wouldn't feel weird and exposed in such a situation. I could never do what she did. She rocks just for the strength to do something like this and then write about it. Her essay about this somewhat odd life experience is great. I liked the ending, " it didn't make me stronger or braver or better. It gave me something else -- it let me be, for a little while, vulnerable.". That's the brave part. Letting one's self be vulnerable is hard.
posted by caddis at 6:39 PM on January 20, 2010 [5 favorites]


So the Time Out comes today and it says on the cover "see our readers naked!!!!!" so I flip to the back and see the woman who wrote this and think to myself, "Huh. She looks uncomfortable." And it turns out she was.
posted by shothotbot at 6:41 PM on January 20, 2010


If you should do something every day that scares you, why not jump off a bridge? Oh, because then you couldn't do something that scares you tomorrow. Never mind.
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:45 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I've got to say, over the last few months between sexy reader features and the bulked-up meat market-style pieces Time Out has really found a way to supplement boring events listings.
posted by paryshnikov at 7:00 PM on January 20, 2010


What was it Nelson said after walking out of Naked Lunch?

"I can think of at least two things wrong with that title."
posted by battleshipkropotkin at 7:26 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's a shame, really, that nudity is still considered so outré. Not that I think all people should be naked all the time and in fact I encourage most of them not to but, jesus, grow up.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:35 PM on January 20, 2010 [12 favorites]


But more people should be nude more of the time, certainly. On that, I hope, we can all agree.
posted by dammitjim at 7:42 PM on January 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


It's a shame, really, that nudity is still considered so outré. Not that I think all people should be naked all the time and in fact I encourage most of them not to but, jesus, grow up.

Mostly this.

I mean, seriously? An entire article rationalizing why you decided to pose nude? It's nudity. If it's the most 'obscene' thing I've seen on the internet today, then...well then it's probably the one and only website I visited.
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:44 PM on January 20, 2010


After four paragraphs of what it wasn't, I still didn't know what the article was, so I stopped reading.
posted by Caduceus at 7:51 PM on January 20, 2010 [6 favorites]


She rocks just for the strength to do something like this and then write about it.

I get the impression that she did it in order to write about it.

Caduceus is accurate that she won't get to the point and it's a bit annoying, but she has a nice prose style so I didn't notice until he pointed it out.

The piece is a bit gimmicky, but it's still a fun read and I went back and read her other stuff to find that she's always interesting even though she's having trouble finding topics.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:02 PM on January 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


I get the impression that she did it in order to write about it.

Yep. And that's why it's bad.
posted by Lutoslawski at 8:10 PM on January 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


I wrote this comment just to write it.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 8:16 PM on January 20, 2010 [14 favorites]


I did nude photographs recently and what I remember most about it is the desperate need for it not to seem seedy or porny. It had to be artistic otherwise it was scary, and artistic fit into certain limited conventions about posing where I was almost wearing a mantle of respectability in place of a real cover.
posted by Phalene at 8:17 PM on January 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


best of the web? Really? A single link to a Salon article about somebody letting herself get photographed nude for Time Out playing poker with 3 other nude ladies and then beanplating the whole thing?
posted by Ironmouth at 8:57 PM on January 20, 2010


Ironmouth: "best of the web? Really?"

Tell the truth. This is because I quoted Greenwald in the election thread, right?
posted by Joe Beese at 9:03 PM on January 20, 2010


best of the web? Really? A single link to a Salon article about somebody letting herself get photographed nude for Time Out playing poker with 3 other nude ladies and then beanplating the whole thing?

You're quite welcome to pad out the thread a bit with some sexy links, or a handful of "I stripped/hooked through college to pay for my gender studies degree" stories.

... I'm going to go check out the post, now.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:11 PM on January 20, 2010


By the way. Mods, can you turn on images for this thread? I just thought of a way to to "supplement boring events listings".
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:13 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I couldn't help notice how, although they were showing their boobs, they kept their bellies hidden.

In the future, belly buttons, not nipples or clitorii will be the ultimate taboo.
posted by delmoi at 9:14 PM on January 20, 2010


That is, in our sex-positive but tubby, tubby nation.
posted by delmoi at 9:15 PM on January 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


Yeah, well. I might buy the vulnerability stuff if the resulting image weren't Photoshopped to hell and back.
posted by jokeefe at 9:46 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's a shame, really, that nudity is still considered so outré. Not that I think all people should be naked all the time and in fact I encourage most of them not to but, jesus, grow up.

Mum stumbled upon some performance photos of mine where I was topless - either I had my back to the camera (I had a henna design) or had covered myself with pasties and an arm or two. Mum freaked out. "WE DIDN'T RAISE YOU TO BE LIKE THIS!" Like what, Mum? I'm still me, just occasionally semi-naked, but I haven't become an evil dictator or a cruel despot.

This is the same woman who thinks a little bit of cleavage (I'm sorry I'm so busty, it's your genes) is "too revealing", even under layers, and who thinks the answer to all my problems is "put some clothes on", no matter how much I'm wearing. And the sad thing is, she is in the majority. Even being in a whole different atmosphere doesn't stop me from her constant assumptions and need to call me to say that my disrobed self is the Beginning of the Apocalypse.

Her logic is screwed though; if I wore a nude bodysuit, I'd be fine - even though I still looked nude, I've got something on so that's OK. But tastefully covering myself up and showing some skin? EVIL. What's the wrong thing here - being nude or looking nude?

As for this article: good on her. Also, her kids are awesome. "It's just boobies." I wish more of my family and peers could say that. Maybe I've been hanging around too many burlesque dancers and strippers walking around backstage naked for so long, but it was such a shock to go back to a big family event and have people freak out because my shirt rode over the slightest bit of belly and my T-shirt wasn't baggy.
posted by divabat at 9:57 PM on January 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


Headline: Middle-Aged Woman Poses Topless For Third-Rate Magazine To Generate Writing Fodder For Second Rate Website
posted by paisley henosis at 10:02 PM on January 20, 2010 [6 favorites]


I'm living my life more boldly than I ever have before," Stacey told me later, "and so I wanted to take that to the next level."

As far as letting it all hang out goes, I think I'd prefer a link to self-installing Goatse wallpaper to an article about people who talk like this intentionally in their private lives. I just hope that embracing this new paradigm makes her more impactful going forward.
posted by gompa at 10:31 PM on January 20, 2010 [8 favorites]


In the future, belly buttons, not nipples or clitorii will be the ultimate taboo.

Only because everyone will be vat produced clones then and the tissue growth acceleration process will have dispensed with the need for an umbilical link to feed the growing body.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:47 PM on January 20, 2010


I am available to take naked pictures of any MeFite, and if it makes you feel better to have them in a magazine, I can do that for you too.
posted by klangklangston at 11:04 PM on January 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


Can we pick the magazine?
posted by brundlefly at 12:09 AM on January 21, 2010


Sure, he can slip them in any of the mags at the newsstand or bookstore.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:16 AM on January 21, 2010


Funniest bit:

The shoot lasted a half-hour. The bottle of wine emptied; the photographer packed up and went home. That's when finally, alone and naked, the four of us ladies made tender yet surprisingly innovative love until the break of dawn. OK, not really, but I figured if you've read thus far, it was likely in the hope of such an outcome.
posted by Pendragon at 12:35 AM on January 21, 2010


i don't like the fact that 44 is being considered middle aged or over the hill or "MILF"yesque

'course, i don't like the fact i got 9 weeks and 2 days to go to said shelf
posted by infini at 1:06 AM on January 21, 2010


Sure, he can slip them in any of the mags at the newsstand or bookstore.

What about "Physics Review Letters"? (I'm trying to pad out my c.v. a bit.)
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:44 AM on January 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I call Field & Stream. Got this great Elmer Fudd hat I've been dying to show off.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:34 AM on January 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


i don't like the fact that 44 is being considered middle aged

Would you prefer people considered 44 "post-middle-aged"? The last time I checked, the average American woman's expected lifespan is around 78, putting the midpoint at 39. Hell, even if you expect to make it to 100, the twenty years between 40 and 60 are the "middle" years.
posted by explosion at 3:59 AM on January 21, 2010


SO i'm in denial and still haven't got an eye exam done, whatever
posted by infini at 4:14 AM on January 21, 2010


From the text under the photo: "“This is a a perfect opportunity to show the world what we really have to offer,” Linden says.

That makes me so proud. I was so worried that people would not understand what women have to offer.
posted by Houstonian at 4:26 AM on January 21, 2010 [2 favorites]


In future, can you just link directly to the boobs? Cause the articles... eh.
posted by Eideteker at 4:35 AM on January 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Nudity isn't an achievement.
posted by Faze at 4:54 AM on January 21, 2010 [4 favorites]


In future, can you just link directly to the boobs? Cause the articles... eh.

I guess you are in agreement with me that the acronym NSFW should link to things that are NSFW. If one is going to label it, at least make the label work.
posted by bigmusic at 5:06 AM on January 21, 2010


The best part was the post-shoot orgy. Glad I read that far but I couldn't be arsed to read the rest.
posted by [@I][:+:][@I] at 5:53 AM on January 21, 2010


I like the explanatory links.

That kid's got better perspective than Brunelleschi.
As a regular reader of Salon of course I'm familiar with his work, but I'm sure the plebians appreciate the wiki link.

As if to beat our critics to the punch line, it was the iconic image of dogs playing poker.
Ohhh, those dogs playing poker.
posted by graventy at 6:23 AM on January 21, 2010


The best part was the post-shoot orgy. Glad I read that far but I couldn't be arsed to read the rest.
posted by [@I][:+:][@I] at 5:53 AM on January 21 [+] [!]


Hey wait a minute... Me/reads whole article. There is no orgy! They put their clothes by on and looked at shoes! Quit trying to turn this into a NSFW thread.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:25 AM on January 21, 2010


I'm all for NSFW nakedness, but this was just kind of... sad, really. Maybe like Divabat I've become desensitized by hanging out with the wrong sorts of people, but I just don't see a photoshopped picture, with all the bellies and pubic hair hidden, to be either titillating or shocking. And definitely not worth a long article.
posted by Forktine at 6:29 AM on January 21, 2010


I'm just glad we're blurring the boundaries between amateur porn, blogging, and newswriting. It's like the entire Web came together in this story into a mildly boring wharrgarbl.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:37 AM on January 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


I applaud this new use of "wharrgarbl".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:43 AM on January 21, 2010


I gotta say, though, if they were actually going for a dogs-playing-poker parody, they missed the mark. I wouldn't have gotten the reference unless I'd read the article first.

Still, though: cute article, cute picture, and one of the links introduced me to this fella's adorable phallic smurf idols, so I'd call it a win.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:57 AM on January 21, 2010


That's when finally, alone and naked, the four of us ladies made tender yet surprisingly innovative love until the break of dawn. OK, not really, but I figured if you've read thus far, it was likely in the hope of such an outcome. Actually, what we did was put on our clothes and show off our shoes.

First I was like = O.... and then I was like >: |
posted by ExitPursuedByBear at 8:10 AM on January 21, 2010


Fairly interesting personal experience, but I would disagree with her claim (twice) that the article is *not* about how posing naked empowered her. Aside from her disclaimers, the rest of the article reads that way:

when I got naked that night at the poker table, I had to shed my protective, Gap-issued armor and frequently sarcastic demeanor to become just a body surrounded by other bodies. Bodies that can grow a baby and entwine with a lover and run a race and get dinged up and scarred along the way. That's all I ever am anyway, really. It's a difficult thing to admit and to share, especially when I usually have the luxury of being disembodied in front of a keyboard, where I can edit my thoughts and hide behind an avatar

As someone else mentioned above, being able to display vulnerability is certainly a power. Also is the ability to expose yourself and to acknowledge your sexual attractiveness (or, even harder, lack of it) publicly.

I surprised she didn't include what would be many of our thoughts if posing naked in a magazine (especially if we were attractive or semi-attractive women): "I wonder if anyone will masturbate to my picture?" I can't believe it didn't cross her mind. (I haven't seen the picture.)

Nudity isn't an achievement.

Oh, c'mon. How many naked people did you see in public today? It's not easy in our culture (US).
posted by mrgrimm at 9:25 AM on January 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Did anyone else pause at all when the author claims that in her 20's and 30's all her friends were sex workers or strippers?
posted by shownomercy at 11:13 AM on January 21, 2010


I surprised she didn't include what would be many of our thoughts if posing naked in a magazine (especially if we were attractive or semi-attractive women): "I wonder if anyone will masturbate to my picture?" I can't believe it didn't cross her mind.

I would be slightly surprised if it did. As a male, I can assure you that nudity is not a requirement of masturbatory material.

Oh, c'mon. How many naked people did you see in public today? It's not easy in our culture (US).

True, it's not always easy to see naked people right out in public, but that's not what the article is about. It's about being naked in front of people in private, and having the pictures publicly distributed. Isn't that what built the internet?

I've been naked with a hundred other people. A few dozen. A few. And more often, one. It's VERY easy in our culture to be naked with other people if you want to. Many people do it often; many more do it occasionally. That's why it's not an achievement. But if you don't want to, it's also very easy not to see naked people or be around them. Which is also fine.
posted by coolguymichael at 11:32 AM on January 21, 2010


I was totally naked just before but then I was ashamed.
posted by turgid dahlia at 12:18 PM on January 21, 2010


I am available to take naked pictures of any MeFite, and if it makes you feel better to have them in a magazine, I can do that for you too.

Can we pick the magazine?

More importantly, can we pick the MeFite?
posted by tommasz at 12:40 PM on January 21, 2010


And then we took all our clothes off. Full monty. Starkers. Kits out. (Surprising side effect of nudity: Britishness.)

Need to check, but I'm pretty sure the lads will be disappointed if you get your kits out for them
posted by bonaldi at 1:03 PM on January 21, 2010


This isn't one of those stories about how empowering it was to pose naked for a magazine.

Bullshit.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 12:37 AM on January 22, 2010


WOW that was pretentious to the extreme. I've done nude modeling a couple of times - including for a national magazine - and I never thought it through so hard. My main thought process was "Will I ever run for office? No? Okay, let's do this." It is not anywhere near as big a deal as that writer makes it out to be. She's just whiny.
posted by etoile at 7:13 AM on January 27, 2010


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