Welcome to Google, Kansas.

March 4, 2010 7:13 PM

"For the month of March 2010, the city of Topeka will be known as Google, Kansas." Mayor Bill Bunten says the proclamation is an attempt to stand out from the crowd, as cities around the United States have until March 26 to tell Google they're interested in participating in the Fiber for Communities program, part of the company's recently announced plans to build a series of superfast broadband networks across the country [previously on MetaFilter]. Other cities are trying to get Google's attention, but Duluth, Minnesota, has upped the ante by pledging to name its firstborn sons "Google Fiber" and its firstborn daughters "Googlette Fiber" in a video [YouTube, 3:34] spoofing Topeka's efforts.
posted by amyms (47 comments total)

I don't know why Topeka bothers. Clearly Greensburg's sympathy pull overwhelms any flattery coming out of Topeka.
posted by pwnguin at 7:18 PM on March 4, 2010

Go Duluth! Hm... On one hand, a gig per second... on the other... winter in Duluth... gig per second... winter in Duluth.

Crap.
posted by starman at 7:23 PM on March 4, 2010 [2 favorites]

Did they also temporarily change the city's motto to "Don't be evil?"
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:24 PM on March 4, 2010

While fun, it is apparent this would not scale (if every city did this, or even a large number in every state). It would get worse if entire states attempted to get Google attention, and full chaos would reign if countries did this.


(I live in Google, Google, Google).
posted by el io at 7:27 PM on March 4, 2010

If it was really that easy, why doesn't Tulsa just declare that for the month of May, it will be known as Jesus, Oklahoma?
posted by bicyclefish at 7:39 PM on March 4, 2010

Google google google, google google google.
posted by not_on_display at 7:45 PM on March 4, 2010 [7 favorites]

They can kiss my bing.
posted by eriko at 7:47 PM on March 4, 2010

Is there a rundown of the cities putting a serious effort towards trying to get in on this, along with some actual information on how likely they are to win? Stuff like already being legally able to Do It, no exclusive agreements with competitors that'd kill it, previous studies, shovel-ready status, etc.
posted by floam at 7:54 PM on March 4, 2010

"Google, Kansas"? Seriously? Yeah, they stand out from the crowd all right - like the woman who got the casino-ad tattoo on her forehead did. New city motto: "We're craven tools."
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:59 PM on March 4, 2010

Shades of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.

Except they didn't wimp out and just do it for a month.
posted by Wufpak at 8:08 PM on March 4, 2010 [5 favorites]

Wufpak mentioned Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Another example of commerce-inspired name-changing: Clark, Texas, renamed themselves "DISH" to get 10 years of free service from the Dish Network.
posted by amyms at 8:17 PM on March 4, 2010

The others are fighting back: Reston will now become Yahoo, Maryland - and Redmond, WA will be Microsoft....   oh.
posted by Webbster at 8:21 PM on March 4, 2010

Ars Technica ran an excellent rundown on the various methods craven municipalities are willing to sink to to get their cash-strapped noses up google's bit-spewing ass.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to live in the town selected to be a pilot for this project, and the telcos need some real competition badly. But desperation is rarely a selling point, and I think the mighty Goog will be more swayed by solid, sober business cases than dumb stunts. Besides, you'd think that Topeka would have learned something from the Topikachu episode; I'm sure it was a good idea at the time but Nintendo never calls, never writes...
posted by ulotrichous at 8:37 PM on March 4, 2010 [2 favorites]

Google google google google google google, google google, baked beans, google google and google.
posted by MysteriousMan at 8:40 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]

If they want it so bad, why wait for Google? They could just as easily put up a bond levy and set it up on their own without the need to grovel.
posted by mullingitover at 8:49 PM on March 4, 2010

Shades of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
Except they didn't wimp out and just do it for a month.

One might even say that there were serious... consequences to the name change.

yuk yuk yuk
posted by armage at 8:59 PM on March 4, 2010

No way are these cities gonna win...clearly Columbia, MO is the best choice for google.
posted by schyler523 at 9:05 PM on March 4, 2010

I don't know why Topeka bothers

Go Duluth!

As MysteriousMan and not_on_display have hinted, I think Google is in fact trying to become the new Buffalo
posted by CynicalKnight at 9:07 PM on March 4, 2010

I feel like maybe this movie might be the only american film from the 80s that made it to Japan and that's why we got Versus and Battle Royale.
posted by empath at 9:13 PM on March 4, 2010

woops, wrong thread.
posted by empath at 9:13 PM on March 4, 2010

Didn't they already change the name to Topekachu?
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 9:20 PM on March 4, 2010

woops, wrong thread.

Don't apologize! Your Battle Royale reference sent me over there and my life is now just a little bit better for it.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:51 PM on March 4, 2010

The last time I was in Topeka, it was in a downtown bar. There were 2 mid 30's guitarists playing Oasis songs while an audience of baby boomers and their kids sang along. I got seriously buzzed on guiness when from out of no-where what I would be describe as a "cougar with a lesbian modifier" grabbed my hand and placed it on her breast, seductively. This is the memory I associate with Topeka.
posted by hellojed at 11:09 PM on March 4, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm looking forward to Google Government^BETA

When's the rollout?
posted by klanawa at 12:06 AM on March 5, 2010

I bet Fred Phelps is gonna find a way to strongly disapprove of this plan
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam at 12:11 AM on March 5, 2010

So they are going to put in a fibre connection to a bunch of homes in a square mile that transfer data a 1gbit. Sounds great except that most homes don't really need a 1gbit feed from their next door neighbour. Now what's the speed between these homes the youtube servers, or some p2p server in Khazakstan?

Fanbois gone blind wanking.
posted by lilburne at 1:35 AM on March 5, 2010

not_on_display: "Google google google, google google google."

Google Googlers Google Googlers google google Google Googlers.
posted by Rhaomi at 1:43 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

posted by CynicalKnight
"As MysteriousMan and not_on_display have hinted, I think Google is in fact trying to become the new Buffalo"


I think MysteriousMan is hinting that Google is trying to be the next spam spam spam...
posted by not_on_display at 3:27 AM on March 5, 2010

I thought he was hinting that Google was trying to be the next badger badger badger, badger badger badger...
posted by lostburner at 3:43 AM on March 5, 2010

I'm looking forward to Google GovernmentBETA,

No kidding. What are the chances DC could get on this list? Hey, we'll stick up for you with China, just come give us some lovely fiber.
posted by anotherpanacea at 4:45 AM on March 5, 2010

Googlette? How did the people of Duluth decide that Google was a boy's name?
posted by inturnaround at 4:56 AM on March 5, 2010

Googling Google, Kansas on Google Maps does not find Google, Kansas.
posted by bitslayer at 6:07 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Huh. I got an email from my city councilwoman about the google fiber thing. So I fully expect the slogans on our bus stop benches to change from Baltimore: The City that Reads to Baltimore: The City that Googles.
posted by electroboy at 6:20 AM on March 5, 2010

pledging to name its firstborn sons "Google Fiber" and its firstborn daughters "Googlette Fiber"spoofing Topeka's efforts.

Imagine having named your daughter "Altavista Innovation" while hunting for cash. I'm leaving this comment here for posterity AS A TERRIBLE WARNING.
posted by ersatz at 6:39 AM on March 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Go Duluth!

signed Googlette Fiber Goldman
posted by RedEmma at 7:41 AM on March 5, 2010

A spoof! I thought that was shockingly snippy, considering Duluth.

Then I watched it, 90 seconds of niceness, 90 seconds of gentle parody. My faith in the Niceness of the Minnesota Universe has been restored.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 8:18 AM on March 5, 2010

Any Mefites who live in Topeka, MeMail me your address and I'll send you a crisp dollar bill if you'll let me see if mail to "Google, KS" gets delivered. I'm totally serious.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:24 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

lpw, I would expect you could get mail delivered to "MetaFilter, KS" as long as the ZIP code is correct.
posted by nicepersonality at 8:39 AM on March 5, 2010

Wait, there's a Metafilter, KS?

I bet if there was a Cabal, that's where they'd hang out.
posted by quin at 9:04 AM on March 5, 2010

I thought MysteriousMan was hinting Google was trying to be the next Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich, Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:22 AM on March 5, 2010

As MysteriousMan has hinted, I think MysteriousMan is hinting, I thought he was hinting, I thought MysteriousMan was hinting, mushroom mushroom, As MysteriousMan has hinted, I think MysteriousMan is hinting, I thought he was hinting, I thought MysteriousMan is hinting...

This filter, is it supposed to be this meta?
posted by MysteriousMan at 9:44 AM on March 5, 2010

Okay, MeFi Cabal, so just checking in and reminding everybody that our annual cookout and strategic planning meeting is next Friday at 6 at Vet's Park in Metafilter, Kansas. On the agenda are further ways to shame and scrutinize quin. (Oh, and please, if you have any questions, please use the special section of MeTa he can't see. Thanks).
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:48 AM on March 5, 2010

There is no a Cabal!
posted by not_on_display at 9:49 AM on March 5, 2010

at Vet's Park in Metafilter, Kansas

Are you meeting at the bandshell or the reflecting pond? I need to know where to set up my spy camera and listening devices.
posted by amyms at 10:14 AM on March 5, 2010

Weird... my ears are ringing, like there is some sort of high frequency sound I can't quite make out.

And what's with these big empty sections of this page? Is there some kind of formatting problem going on with the page layout?

*wanders off muttering about gaslights*
posted by quin at 10:43 AM on March 5, 2010

Another example of commerce-inspired name-changing: Clark, Texas, renamed themselves "DISH" to get 10 years of free service from the Dish Network.

Who could forget Half.com, Oregon?
posted by dhartung at 10:09 PM on March 5, 2010

I thought Topeka Kansas was already named after a search Injun.

I'm going to hell. I know I am.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:25 PM on March 7, 2010 [2 favorites]