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Allow the centrifugal force of the rotation to pull the baby out of the birth canal.
March 26, 2010 11:39 PM   Subscribe

10 Brilliant Medical Inventions That Should Have Caught On
posted by jjray (32 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
Always with the centrifuges!
posted by Crane Shot at 11:59 PM on March 26, 2010


Should Have?
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:03 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


The stomach balloon seems less crazy than some surgeries that people actually do have in the name of losing weight.
posted by hattifattener at 12:06 AM on March 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Dick in a Box much?
posted by Sys Rq at 12:08 AM on March 27, 2010


This blog is solid gold.
posted by clarknova at 12:09 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


This blog is solid gold.

Solid! Solid as a rock!
posted by amyms at 12:27 AM on March 27, 2010 [2 favorites]



Weight Loss Balloon (1979)
Anti-Eating Face Mask (1982)
Severed Head Life Support System (1987)

The lengths people will go to lose weight.
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:32 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Severed Head Life Support System (1987)

Life imitating art?
posted by milnak at 12:49 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Allow the centrifugal force of the rotation to pull the baby out of the birth canal.

Christ sucking Santa. Have today's women really gotten this lazy? In my day, if a woman needed extra pulling force, she'd just stand the fuck up.

HAMBURGER
posted by The Potate at 1:05 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


OK, this is weird. I was going to point out that the erectile dysfunction vacuum already exists in a more compact form, but when I clicked on the link to the patent, I saw that the inventor is someone I know! Not only were both devices invented here in Augusta, GA, but the one on the list cites the ErecAid's patents in its references (that fact is not surprising as both inventors know each other). The next time I see him I may ask about this, but talking to an 80 year old retired surgeon about masturbation aids might be a little awkward. He is also a pioneer in kidney transplantation and wrote one of the first books on the subject back in 1968. This will be interesting to share with people at work Monday.
posted by TedW at 3:21 AM on March 27, 2010 [5 favorites]


another good post on the same blog:
20 Outrageous Brainwashing Cigarette Ads
posted by memebake at 4:00 AM on March 27, 2010


I laughed pretty hard at the Old Age Rejuvenator Centrifuge, particularly the picute of all those beds whirring around with the nurse in the middle. She would be doing... what exactly? Playing duck, duck goose? On the other hand, I don't even understand the last one-- the X-Ray Fingers. It doesn't look very professional to me; I can't imagine going to the doctor's office and having him pull my finger.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:17 AM on March 27, 2010


The anti-eating face mask is pure genius.
posted by Forktine at 5:19 AM on March 27, 2010


If you are confused by the word "picute" let me tell ya...you are not alone, so am I. I...just don't know what happened there. Maybe I need to go use the old folks centrifuge for awhile.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:20 AM on March 27, 2010


The last one is basically dowsing for cancer.
posted by localroger at 5:24 AM on March 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Forktine: "13The anti-eating face mask is pure genius." It isn't too far off from that fad for wiring jaws shut except that mask has a little lock on the side. So who gets the key, I wonder? Also, I can imagine the possibilities for abuse...say for some wife or kid who "talks too much."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:24 AM on March 27, 2010


So who gets the key, I wonder?

The obvious market, I think, is not dieters, but rather the same people who are buying modernized versions of chastity devices.
posted by Forktine at 5:28 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah, Forktine, that is exactly what I was thinking. This is more likely to show up in bondage play rather than as a diet aid. Because if a dieter has control of the key, then that mask is no more a deterrent to succumbing to temptation than a piece of scotch tape-- that is to say there is no deterrent. At least with a jaw that is wired up ( or a balloon in the stomach) you can't fall off the wagon at 11:30 P.M. when you are sitting in bed, watching a movie, and your brain sends out the signal: You know what would be good right now? Chocolate. Chocolate. CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:47 AM on March 27, 2010


I first saw the birthing centrifuge presented in a talk by Marc Abrahams (from AiR) at a Physics conference. I think that all of it smacks of AiR. If these were a little newer they could be in the running for an igNobel.
posted by dr. moot at 7:28 AM on March 27, 2010


I can totally see the severed head life support system coupled with the anti-eating face mask -- there are some real B-movie possibilities there...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 7:58 AM on March 27, 2010


The patent claim of the face mask must have been written by Samuel Beckett.

...means for mounting said cup shaped member over the mouth including plural straps extending from said cup over the head of the wearer, one of said straps provided with a means for separation to allow for placement and removal of said face mask, and a lock at said separation means to prevent removal of said face mask, said mounting means further including a hoop member of rigid material adapted to extend over the user's head and chin and a flexible strap having end portions connected to said hoop member for extending around the back of the user's head and a strap member adapted to extend over the top of the user's head, said strap member being connected at opposite ends...
posted by The Mouthchew at 8:19 AM on March 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


There were weight-loss balloons for your stomach! I watched enough late-night TV in the '90s to remember them -- surely you did, too? They were pills that swelled up inside your stomach to give you that Feeling of Fullness. Naturally, it all ended in class-action suits. I wish I could remember the name, or specifics.

Oh my here they come again. Also, having gastric balloons installed is apparently a thing.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:34 AM on March 27, 2010


I first read "Anti-Eating Face Mask" as "Face-Eating Face Mask" and thought we'd finally made the perfect invention for all occasions.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:09 AM on March 27, 2010


Braces Alarm (1988)
This "reminder and enforcer apparatus" was basically a timer placed in orthodontic patients' mouthpieces that would sound a piercing alarm to remind the patients to wear their headgear.


Nothing reminds you to hate your parents like a piercing alarm inside your head.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:18 AM on March 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


@Mouth Exerciser (1923), fig. 4: D'awwwww!.

Please tell me I'm not the only person who saw this...
posted by Consonants Without Vowels at 9:30 AM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Okay, they invented the birthing centrifuge in 1965 and there *isn't* a hardcore band named "Birthing Centrifuge" yet?

I'm holding out for the Birthing Tilt-A-Whirl. Maybe then I'll have kids.
posted by ilana at 1:39 PM on March 27, 2010 [4 favorites]


I waiting for the Birthing Mister Toad's Wild Ride.
posted by brundlefly at 4:15 PM on March 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Yes. I waiting for that.
posted by brundlefly at 4:16 PM on March 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record baby, right round round round...
posted by Scattercat at 7:00 PM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


i needed the headgear alarm. i never wore mine. as it was, my mother instructed my orthodontist to wire mine in, permanently. grade 8 was a wonderful time.
posted by spish at 11:26 PM on March 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dear Spish, I favorited you for the psychological stress and anguish you endured; think of it as a MetaFilter pat on the arm. (I nearly wrote "pat on the head" but that made you sound too much like a dog.)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:47 AM on March 28, 2010


The inventors of the birthing centrifuge -- George and Charlotte Blonsky -- were awarded the 1999 Ig Nobel Prize in managed health care. See http://improbable.com/ig/winners/#ig1999

Their niece came to the ceremony that year and accepted on their behalf.
The story of why they came up with the invention is, in a way, even better than the fact that they invented it.

-Marc Abrahams, chairman, Ig Nobel Board of Governors
posted by MarcAbrahams at 5:39 PM on March 28, 2010


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