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Haik U Glenn Beck!
April 8, 2010 12:14 PM   Subscribe

Hundreds of haiku about Glenn Beck. Some done by people you may know.
posted by gman (42 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Commie Pinko Dyke
Seeks Opportunistic Kook
Teabagger Pegging


--*whipes tear from eye* never change Susie Bright, never change.
posted by The Whelk at 12:20 PM on April 8, 2010 [5 favorites]


Glenn Beck. Yech. Flyspeck.
Fifty cards short of a deck.
Train wreck. Poop deck. Blech.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:21 PM on April 8, 2010 [4 favorites]


Can we please ignore
This treacherous sack of crap
For one damn minute?
posted by Aquaman at 12:33 PM on April 8, 2010 [10 favorites]


You know who else was
Just following orders? Yep:
Tokyo Rose Beck
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:33 PM on April 8, 2010


And here's a factoid that will really make you grin: Glenn Beck made $32 million dollars last year.
posted by bearwife at 12:35 PM on April 8, 2010


For him, a haiku
is fourteen syllables too
many. Fuck Glenn Beck.
posted by DaDaDaDave at 12:38 PM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


Did you hear Glenn Beck
raped and killed a young girl once
in nineteen-ninety?
posted by Thoughtcrime at 12:38 PM on April 8, 2010 [20 favorites]


A true gentleman
will give no cognizance to
that fucking Glenn Beck.
posted by COBRA! at 12:41 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Here's a joke I heard:
You know what's worse than Glenn Beck?
Auschwitz. Ha ha ha.
posted by swift at 12:42 PM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]


Did you hear Glenn Beck...

Ew. No. Please don't do this.
posted by ottereroticist at 12:44 PM on April 8, 2010


I don't think any set of seventeen syllables necessarily constitutes haiku.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:46 PM on April 8, 2010 [7 favorites]


Summer of the angry men
roosters home to root
a leaf gently falls.
posted by The Whelk at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2010 [3 favorites]


Glenn Beck won't abide
those Japanese progressives -
Extra syllables (for America!)
posted by gompa at 12:48 PM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


So cool, love his songs.
Oh wait, did you mean *Glenn* Beck?
That guy is a choad.


Heh.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:51 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby, so
why don't you kill me?
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:51 PM on April 8, 2010 [4 favorites]


Now is the winter
Of our discontent. Glenn Beck
Falling on Seders
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:55 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


And here's a factoid that will really make you grin: Glenn Beck made $32 million dollars last year.

True, for values of grin = 'want to foment the Dictatorship of the Proletariat'
posted by lukemeister at 12:56 PM on April 8, 2010


Shot through the heart, and
Beck is to blame, for giving
Douchebags a bad name
posted by arto at 12:57 PM on April 8, 2010


Beck, help us create
a Teabagger's Paradise:
No taxes for whites.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 12:57 PM on April 8, 2010


We have been over
this sophomoric bullshit.
Please do not post it.
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:58 PM on April 8, 2010


I don't think any set of seventeen syllables necessarily constitutes haiku.

Weird, your user number is relatively low, but it sounds like you've never been to a MeFi haiku thread before.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:59 PM on April 8, 2010


I don't think any set of seventeen syllables necessarily constitutes haiku.

Yeah. I don't have my books on poetic form handy, but wikipedia is useful. Haiku is not just about syllables, but technically has certain stylistic content:

"In Japanese haiku a kireji, or cutting word, typically appears at the end of one of the verse's three metrical phrases. While difficult to precisely define its function, a kireji lends the verse structural support, effectively allowing it to stand as an independent poem. Depending on which cutting word is chosen, and its position within the verse, it may briefly cut the stream of thought, suggesting a parallel between the preceding and following phrases, or it may provide a dignified ending, concluding the verse with a heightened sense of closure."

"A haiku traditionally contains a kigo, a defined word or phrase that symbolizes or implies the season of the poem.

Among traditionalist Japanese haiku writers, kireji and kigo are considered requirements. Kigo are not always included by modern writers of Japanese "free-form" haiku and some non-Japanese haiku."

"While traditional Japanese haiku has focused on nature and the place of humans in it, some modern haiku poets, both in Japan and the West, consider a broader range of subject matter suitable, including urban contexts. While pre-modern haiku avoided certain topics such as sex and overt violence, contemporary haiku sometimes deal with such themes."

These would be better described as Senryu. But then, I am overthinking this plate of beans.
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:02 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Did you hear that Glenn Beck is turning our favorite rhetorical device to talk about into a crappy novel?

PS: I like that they called it an adult novel.
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:02 PM on April 8, 2010


I don't think any set of seventeen syllables necessarily constitutes haiku.

This is not a haiku:
Glenn Beck seems like a
big loser, why is he so
angry all the time?

At least try for some nature imagery or something:
Glenn Beck sits alone
Rain tapping on his window
The sky grey as ash
posted by Copronymus at 1:03 PM on April 8, 2010


Glenn Beck's tear drops fall
He weeps for America --
Not snow white, but brown.
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:08 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Weird, your user number is relatively low, but it sounds like you've never been to a MeFi haiku thread before.

First of all, describing my user number as 'relatively low' makes me feel incredibly old (like when people talk about using the internet in grade school). Secondly, I've been that annoying guy before.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:08 PM on April 8, 2010


Glenn Beck disapproves
Of untraditional use
of Haiku. It's unpatriotic, and could lead to the destruction of marriage as we know it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:14 PM on April 8, 2010 [5 favorites]


Well, we could always
do some lunes.
They are easier.

posted by mccarty.tim at 1:14 PM on April 8, 2010


"I beg you, look for the words 'social justice' or 'economic justice' on your church website. If you find it, run as fast as you can. Social justice and economic justice are code words [for Communism and Nazism]. Am I advising people to leave their church? Yes!"

So, I guess Glenn Beck will be leaving the Mormon church now?
posted by The World Famous at 1:18 PM on April 8, 2010


I could see Glenn Beck causing a reformation for the LDS. He's definitely got a messianic complex.
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:29 PM on April 8, 2010


We have been over
this sophomoric bullshit.
Please do not post it.


Swift seasons babies
Cinnamon and sugar
A modest amount
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:32 PM on April 8, 2010 [6 favorites]


Glenn Beck, white bathtub
Water pink, warm; razor blade,
I wake happy, sad.
posted by Splunge at 1:33 PM on April 8, 2010


This is just to say
I popped into this thread to say
"oh wait...
we're still talking about this guy?"
but not as a haiku.

Forgive me
it's just so easy
so boring
and so fruitless
posted by orville sash at 1:41 PM on April 8, 2010


This is just to say
17 syllables are
Cold and delicious
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:46 PM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


I could see Glenn Beck causing a reformation for the LDS.

I couldn't. In fact, I'm not even sure what that would mean.
posted by The World Famous at 1:55 PM on April 8, 2010


I feel like those 'people you might know' are from a parallel universe where a completely different set of people are famous. I'm confused to report I hadn't ever heard of a single one.
posted by threeants at 1:56 PM on April 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


Glenn Beck has big head small dick
How else would you explain him
Bet he was Goatse
posted by stormpooper at 2:03 PM on April 8, 2010


Ripped from my favorite Head-to-Head haiku competition:

You goddamn mother
fucking asshole douchebag,
get off my couch Glenn Beck!
posted by psylosyren at 2:04 PM on April 8, 2010


The form of Haiku
Five syllables, seven, five
Blah blah fuck Glenn Beck
posted by FatherDagon at 2:29 PM on April 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


Beck? I'd have to be
A seppo to understand?
Rain-damp hibiscus.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:42 PM on April 8, 2010


Higgedly Piggedly,
Media Whor-able.
Glenn Beck is a pig;
And his manners deplorable.
posted by octobersurprise at 4:27 PM on April 8, 2010


Your first hour with Beck:
the first time he has wasted
an hour of your time.
posted by eddydamascene at 9:53 PM on April 8, 2010


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