What you crave?
May 3, 2010 11:59 AM   Subscribe

"To commemorate the 18th annual celebration of National Hamburger Month, White Castle has teamed up with Laura Slatkin, often called the "queen" of home fragrances, to introduce a candle with the steam-grilled-on-a-bed-of-onions scent of America's first fast-food hamburger." Yes, it's a White Castle scented candle. Just the thing to keep the Valentine's Day flames burning.
posted by jbickers (49 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
I want one.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:01 PM on May 3, 2010


Boy, this is a GREAT post. *rolls eyes*

Hamburger?
posted by Pollomacho at 12:02 PM on May 3, 2010


Bougie avec le parfum de l'ratburger.
posted by zarq at 12:03 PM on May 3, 2010


As a southerner, White Castle kind of mystifies me. That is, until I think of Krystal.
posted by strixus at 12:04 PM on May 3, 2010


cheezburga... x3
posted by infini at 12:04 PM on May 3, 2010


Isn't this precisely the thing that the Geneva Convention was designed to prevent?
posted by Xoder at 12:07 PM on May 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


Next up: In-N-Out scented condoms.
posted by mattdidthat at 12:07 PM on May 3, 2010 [10 favorites]


Can't they use their resources to, I don't know, open more White Castles???

I'm too far south for White Castles, too far north for Krystals. *sobs*
posted by JoanArkham at 12:09 PM on May 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


Might as well just go light it in the bathroom.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 12:10 PM on May 3, 2010


Might as well just go light it in the bathroom.

Lighting something in the bathroom is what happens before you go to White Castle.
posted by The Whelk at 12:11 PM on May 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


Steamed hams. It's an upstate NY thing.
posted by fixedgear at 12:12 PM on May 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


so, are these candles edible?

... you know, in an emergency or something.
posted by yeoz at 12:18 PM on May 3, 2010


nah, but this way you won't notice the sickly grey colour on the bottom, the faint smell of pesticide or the rat's tail in the bun
posted by infini at 12:19 PM on May 3, 2010


So, during national Candle week, are they doing wax flavored cheeseburgers?
posted by HuronBob at 12:20 PM on May 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Mother's Day gift hunt: OVER.
posted by Rat Spatula at 12:35 PM on May 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's Chicago, three thirty in the morning; it's 0 degrees and snowing. Your feet are soaked from walking from where you left your car because it wouldn't start due to the cold. You're tired, cold, and hungry and down to your last three dollars. You walk into a steam-filled White Castle and that smell hits you. Heaven!
posted by charlesminus at 12:40 PM on May 3, 2010


Heaven?

My first reaction was eeeee-ew! My second was to think of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans and the "Alas. . . . earwax" scene.

So many other smells I hope don't make it to candles . . .

KFC
blood
dead rats
burned plastic
Hot dogs
Sour milk

and of course earwax.
posted by bearwife at 12:53 PM on May 3, 2010


Next up: In-N-Out scented condoms.

Not available on the East Coast.
posted by theredpen at 1:07 PM on May 3, 2010


So, during national Candle week, are they doing wax flavored cheeseburgers?

That's too slow of a pitch even for me, HuronBob.
posted by komara at 1:07 PM on May 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Do the candles have five holes in them for extra flavor?
posted by digsrus at 1:12 PM on May 3, 2010


Candles are soy-based product with artificial coloring and scent, and White Castles are soy-based product with artificial coloring and flavor. It's a perfect match.
posted by ardgedee at 1:17 PM on May 3, 2010


White Castle has to be the grossest food that tastes good. They're also one of the few remaining fast food places to still use transfat.

In short, stonerfood.
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:17 PM on May 3, 2010


The closest place for me to eat on campus on weekends is a White Castle. I don't eat meat anymore, but I can still get some of their sides. Interestingly enough, I still get incredibly sick every time I eat it. But it tastes good. Thanks, White Castle.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 1:24 PM on May 3, 2010


White Castle makes a frozen version of their sliders which you can get from most supermarkets. These are not good. In exactly one minute, they come out of the microwave at a temperature just slightly south of boiling lead, and the plastic wrapping, even when vented, somehow manages to retain this heat for ages, so that no matter how long after you cook it, it will burn you. The food itself is underwhelming; being sort of greasy and dry all at once. It manages to capture the essence if not the exact size and texture of the ones in the restaurants.

It is also the very definition of the perfect video game food.

I'm craving one right now.
posted by quin at 1:29 PM on May 3, 2010


It is not a trick candle? You CAN blow it out when the fumes get overwhelming?
posted by Cranberry at 1:42 PM on May 3, 2010


I think the potential customer base for this is limited to the three Beastie Boys. No one else likes White Castle that much, and would quickly concede that sliders actually kinda smell like ass.
posted by DecemberBoy at 1:46 PM on May 3, 2010


Harold and Kumar go to Candle Hut?
posted by stevis23 at 1:46 PM on May 3, 2010


I ate at White Castle once because I was curious about the mystique.
SPOILERS:

White Castle "burgers" are extremely bad and caused me acute gastrointestinal distress. Never again.
posted by fuq at 2:13 PM on May 3, 2010


So what sort of rendered toasted-meat byproducts get mixed in with the wax to make these candles?
posted by dunkadunc at 2:17 PM on May 3, 2010


Is this something I would need zero gag reflex to understand?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:17 PM on May 3, 2010


must has...
posted by TigerMoth at 2:23 PM on May 3, 2010


Oh, I thought this was about America's $1 Funny Man, Neeeeeeeiiillllll Haaambuuurrrrrrrrgerrrrrrrr
posted by NoMich at 2:25 PM on May 3, 2010


I don't want one of these candles because dammit, I already spend too much on White Castle.

I do, however, think it's hilarious that the overwhelming consensus about White Castle is that eating there will fuck up your GI tract for awhile and yet nobody ever goes "hey, maybe the FDA should be looking into why that is." We've just accepted that gastrointestinal hell is the price of White Castle's deliciousness.
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:12 PM on May 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


Hamburger month...
posted by warbaby at 3:35 PM on May 3, 2010


Pope Guilty, you don't know the half of it. White Castle is the origin of a term i coined..."crippling flatulence"...and yet I still visit every six months or so.going so far as to have a White Castle "strategy" where I try and smuggle the White Castle into my body under the cover of healthier foods. 4 sliders plus home-steamed veggies and an apple for dessert still equals ass-disaster.
posted by billyfleetwood at 5:02 PM on May 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is my favorite White Castle product. Here it is in action.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:14 PM on May 3, 2010


Seems they've taken them off the site. Damn, too late again.

Also:

I'm too far south for White Castles, too far north for Krystals. *sobs*


No such thing. I've discovered my hometown in Middle Tennessee now has both. However, we seem to be the southern border for White Castle.
posted by pupdog at 6:42 PM on May 3, 2010


Heh. My friend and I were just talking the other day about our love of scented candles, and I mentioned that I prefer food-related scents (eg. vanilla, cinnamon, apple). He speculated that someone could make a fortune selling comfort-food scents to people (eg. roast beef, mac and cheese, etc.) I don't think a hamburger scented candle sounds too pleasant, but you never know.
posted by amyms at 7:12 PM on May 3, 2010


ThepinkSupehero brought me to White Cast;e for the first time, true story. I drew her as a balloon.
posted by The Whelk at 7:18 PM on May 3, 2010


White Castle is the origin of a term i coined..."crippling flatulence"

So that's where the term came from! I'd been wondering.
posted by kcds at 7:57 PM on May 3, 2010


So, during national Candle week, are they doing wax flavored cheeseburgers?

no, but mcdonald's are
posted by pyramid termite at 8:18 PM on May 3, 2010


The item you are looking does not currently exist. Please contact White Castle at if you feel this is in error

And here I thought I had my Christmas gifts all worked out. This is deeply disappointing.

(The page went from displaying the candles to displaying that message sometime in the last hour.)
posted by range at 8:47 PM on May 3, 2010


So, on the way home from work today, an uncultured hayseed of my acquaintance inquired re: vis-a-vis with respect to the mystique of el Castillo Blanco.

I think actually the thing that gets them a pass* from me on the crippling flatulence tip is that, like a "standard" US fast-food hamburger, a WYLD SLYDER has two to three pickle chips and a quorum of grilled onion squarelets. But because the W.S. patty and bun are smaller than those of the standard offering, the condiment fraction is proportionally increased, delivering a better flavor profile.

Every Thanksgiving, I want to try this, but we're not currently in the proper subfiefdom, so it ain't happening (they have frozen ones at the greengrocer's, but it ain't the same nohow).

In any case, I told Dad what was on the way; he said that the woman who cut his hair today had mentioned these candles to him, and he had not believed her; he agreed it was apropos as a gift for Mutti, but declared that never in hell would the infernal device be lit in his home.

So, I got Mom back on the phone and extracted the promise that my gift to her would "activated in the manner intended by its manufacturer over any domestic objection." I will endeavor to report back.

* - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FARTS
posted by Rat Spatula at 8:56 PM on May 3, 2010


(The page went from displaying the candles to displaying that message sometime in the last hour.)

i hope that means they have a responsive 2.0 customer interaction program ;p
posted by infini at 12:12 AM on May 4, 2010


No such thing. I've discovered my hometown in Middle Tennessee now has both. However, we seem to be the southern border for White Castle.

Goddamn carpetbaggers. I told them when they opened the car plants that they'd get the Michiganers, but did they listen to old Pollomacho? No siree!
posted by Pollomacho at 5:33 AM on May 4, 2010


I'm imagining a cruel, cruel dinner party where you've lit a bunch of these, maybe put a little charcoal in the grill for effect, and then serve a single plate of undressed radicchio and endive.
posted by jfwlucy at 6:11 AM on May 4, 2010


I've found that White Castle in other states just isn't as good as it is in New Jersey. Though even in New Jersey nobody else will agree to eat there with me.
posted by asperity at 7:08 AM on May 4, 2010


Turn out the lights!

Light a [hamburger scented] candle!
posted by kosem at 8:02 AM on May 4, 2010


So, the candle smells of onions when unboxed, but apparently the odor it produces after ignition is fairly mild; it is not able to assert itself over the vase of fresh peonies on the kitchen table.
posted by Rat Spatula at 5:29 PM on May 10, 2010


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