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How to snag your very own Indian!
June 4, 2010 3:38 PM   Subscribe

How to Date an Indian (Advice for the Non-Indian) by Andrea Miller.

Miller is married to an Indian man and can help you date one of these "innately gracious, social creatures." Just bone up on Indian actors and actresses, learn a little Bhangra and how to prepare an Indian dish or two and you'll be set! Soon, "you could stop a taxi during the 4pm transition time and your date could say, in Hindi, "Hey brother, will you please take us to Spring and 6th?" You'd find Laxmi did indeed smile upon you."
Response on Gawker and via Feministe.
posted by peacheater (117 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
I lived in India for about three years and my husband (currently known as my husPad, thanks to his appropriating the iPad he "gave me," -- but that is another column)

Wow, I made it a whole three sentences before ceasing to take this person seriously. That's got to be an endurance record.
posted by Errant at 3:40 PM on June 4, 2010 [17 favorites]


Hm, I was going to comment on the article but your tags took care of it for me. Thanks.
posted by circular at 3:43 PM on June 4, 2010 [8 favorites]


If your guide to dating takes the form of a seven-point list, it's probably some sort of stereotypical.

If you're sufficiently specific about the sort of person you're looking for, you might just be able to commission an expert system to tell you how to go about it.
posted by LogicalDash at 3:45 PM on June 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


A response by Neel Shah of the Awl: How to Date a White Bitch
posted by griphus at 3:45 PM on June 4, 2010 [73 favorites]


Out of context, this just seems like a lame-ish comedy piece.

Having written a number of lame-ish comedy pieces over the years, I recognize one when I see it.

The first rule of writing lame-ish comedy pieces is to assume that everyone shares the same context as you do and will get that you're being funny. This will ultimately result in most people not getting the lame-ish jokes and many people taken open offense at your piece.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:48 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


What the fuck is a yourtango?
posted by boo_radley at 3:52 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Response: How To Know You Are Dating A Racist.
posted by ShawnStruck at 3:54 PM on June 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


Oh, come on, people! It's perfectly okay to suggest that one sixth of the world's population is exactly like that one brown dude you married. Why so touchy?

(Are we still punctuating with HAMBURGER? Because if we are, there's one at the end of this comment.)
posted by Sys Rq at 3:58 PM on June 4, 2010


Indians dominate as engineers, doctors, lawyers, venture capitalists and entrepreneurs.

Well, in 2005, 85.7% of Indians dominate the living '...on less than $2.50 (PPP) a day...'. Maybe she needs to expand her social circle or try to actually think before she starts randomly hitting her keyboard.
posted by selton at 4:00 PM on June 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


That's great about taxi thing. 'Cause, y'know, us non-Hindis, we get in a NYC tab driving by a Hindi and say, "270 Park, please!" and they just throw their hands up in confusion and fear.

Also, how much you want to be this Andrea Miller is seeing this backlash and saying, "I don't understand! I make it very clear how much I LIKE THEM!"
posted by mreleganza at 4:04 PM on June 4, 2010


You could always follow the teachings of Swami Boo.
posted by yeloson at 4:05 PM on June 4, 2010


How much you want to bet*, rather. I will just assume you don't want to BE her.
posted by mreleganza at 4:05 PM on June 4, 2010


HuffPo, you say.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:07 PM on June 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


God damn, this is awful.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:07 PM on June 4, 2010


(Can we please, please have a moratorium on Huffington Post articles? There could be some code in the "Preview your post" stage that checks and says "Are you SURE you want to post a Huffington Post story?")
posted by dunkadunc at 4:09 PM on June 4, 2010 [18 favorites]


Uh, what the flying fuck? The inanity of that article hurts my brain.
posted by spiderskull at 4:10 PM on June 4, 2010


Hoo, shit.

* rueful whistle *
posted by everichon at 4:10 PM on June 4, 2010


Has anyone mentioned that this is horrible yet? Oh, yeah. OK. So is that quorum then?
posted by GuyZero at 4:11 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Response: How To Know You Are Dating A Racist.

There are a couple of comments responding to #1 in that list, explaining "not introducing you to my parents" as "it is polite to shield your new love from the racist idiots who raised you. It's not about embarrassment. It's about it being none of your family's business who you are dating because they live in the dark ages and you don't."

Can't quibble with the other items, though. Thanks for linking it.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 4:12 PM on June 4, 2010


Yeah, well came across this earlier.... I seems like this is about the forth piece in three weeks (I'm afraid to do a search for an exact number) that Salon has had something meant only to prove their detractors right (really, they have some good things. Well sometimes).

Have these things all been by the same person? Is there some sort of Bradley/Quinn thing happening? This stuff is off the wall
posted by Some1 at 4:12 PM on June 4, 2010


'Cause, y'know, us non-Hindis, we get in a NYC tab driving by a Hindi and say, "270 Park, please!" and they just throw their hands up in confusion and fear.

"270 Park, please."

"I'm very sorry, I don't understand you."

"270 Park."

"I don't understand, could you repeat?"

"270 Park!"

"I still can't understand what you're saying to me."

"Mirch masala! Salwar kameez, lagaan sari Aamir Khan!"

"Oh, 270 Park, why didn't you say so the first time?"
posted by Errant at 4:13 PM on June 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


Wow. Just wow.

"Most Indians."
posted by fire&wings at 4:14 PM on June 4, 2010


Christ, what an assholess.
posted by acb at 4:16 PM on June 4, 2010


yo huffpo how bout one of these for na'vi chicks, i want 2 bone na'vi not indan dudeds, write that artcle, TIA
posted by Greg Nog at 4:18 PM on June 4, 2010 [12 favorites]


And to think I naively believed that the Huffington Post couldn't sink lower than their faux-outrage "articles" showing stray hairs peeking out of (female) celebrity armpits.

Alas, it seems there's always a deeper cesspool to wallow in.
posted by zarq at 4:19 PM on June 4, 2010


Wow, this is the reading equivalent of being trapped at a wedding banquet with an unbearable ninny.
posted by The Whelk at 4:20 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


That Neel Shah piece reads like a weak rip-off of this.
posted by darth_tedious at 4:26 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


oh man, I don't know. maybe I'm crazy, but this strikes me as SO over the top that it must be a joke. I mean, virtually every line of the damn thing is off-the-wall-how-could-she-seriously-write-this style shit. usually the first clue that something is a joke is that almost every part of it seems designed to get a rise out of you. I could be wrong, but it stinks to high holy hell of joke to me.
posted by shmegegge at 4:30 PM on June 4, 2010


shmegegge, I am truly and deepest envious of you if you've never had to listen to this kind of thing in real life.
posted by The Whelk at 4:33 PM on June 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


via griphus' link: "Luckily, I have more than a decade of experience interacting with these pasty unicorns, and am somewhat of an expert on the subject."

I think I'm in love with the innately gracious social creature that wrote that article. Although my pasty white self cringed at the use of bitch.
posted by formless at 4:34 PM on June 4, 2010


MetaFilter: I have more than a decade of experience interacting with these pasty unicorns
posted by Sys Rq at 4:38 PM on June 4, 2010 [5 favorites]


I could be wrong, but it stinks to high holy hell of joke to me.

No, that's just your brain trying to rationalize its way out of eating itself because it knows, in the deep dark regions where consciousness fears to tread, that while "funny," it is no joke.
posted by griphus at 4:38 PM on June 4, 2010 [5 favorites]


This article sucks.

Devdas was the motherfucking best Hindi movie of all time.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:38 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't know whether to be appalled or offended. This is cringe-worthy writing. Lack of substance, incoherent style and generalizations aside, the last paragraph is just plain horrible not to mention it stereotypes in a not-very-nice way. And, it's not funny.
posted by gadha at 4:38 PM on June 4, 2010


Aw, man, I was hoping this would be about Native Americans. Who wouldn't want to date them? They're a proud and brave people. (Love those feathers.)
posted by Madamina at 4:39 PM on June 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


> lame-ish comedy piece

Lame-ish? Joey Michaels, your pieces may have been lame-ish but this right here is the real deal. Except it's not funny enough to rate as comedy.
posted by Quietgal at 4:39 PM on June 4, 2010


It's just so wrong in many different and nested ways, from context to grammar to being a how-to guide ..a perfect storm of clueless narcisstasshattery. I'm not sure I want to peel back the sticky layers of this horrid onion.
posted by The Whelk at 4:41 PM on June 4, 2010


Well that was lame. When I first saw it I mistakenly assumed it was a different piece which I read a few weeks ago and which was much more interesting:

The White Woman’s Burden: When she goes out with her Indian husband, she’s taken to be a foreign prostitute. When they holiday in Goa, they’re busted for drugs. Yet neighbours line up to meet her, coolly ignoring her husband. The curiosity of what it means to be a white woman married to a brown man.
posted by homunculus at 4:42 PM on June 4, 2010 [22 favorites]


If this isn't a joke I feel sorry for her husband. Although, in between all the dancing and eating, he may not have had time to realise what an idiot she is.
posted by ob at 4:42 PM on June 4, 2010


There are obvious reasons one would want to date a manticore, such as how successful and professionally desirable they are. Manticore dentistry has become de rigueur for all our multiple-mouthed kindred; if you have ever french-kissed a xenomorph, or locked tongues with a Goetia demon, you will have almost certainly admired their handiwork. Pliny himself tells us of the wonders of manticore toxicology, reflecting that a single barb of manticore venom had "all the effect of eating tomatoes," causing "instantaneous death and frowning for the unfortunate creature having been stung." And a moment's glance at this immaculately frapped genome of lion, shark, brass section, and F-14 recommends the menticorean breeding stock as second to none.

Ladies, while a gnomish husband might keep you knee-deep in diamonds (and in-laws), manticores are solitary wealth-hoarders of a respectable degree, known to carry at least 8 HD worth of treasure from tables G, H, and J.
posted by kid ichorous at 4:42 PM on June 4, 2010 [48 favorites]


shmegegge, I am truly and deepest envious of you if you've never had to listen to this kind of thing in real life.

no, I have, but not usually so perfectly formed as this, and not in quite so high profile a location. Again, I could be totally wrong. But as an example, shit like this is posted all the fucking time to forums, such as the uber creepy asian fetishism rampant on 4chan and the like. But those aren't on the front page of the huffington post. then again, neither are comedy articles, so... huh.

additionally, this reads so perfectly that you'd think it was meant to trigger our gag reflex. You'd almost expect this to be posted by someone at somethingawful to an indian message board so that they could collect the hate mail and publish it. I mean, the first THREE WORDS are "A Jewish friend..." which immediately got me in the wrong state of mind to read this thing if it's serious. Nobody ever says that when they're about to say something intelligent or insightful. The husPad thing, complete with "but that's for another article!" shit. it just rings so... intentional. Just go to Harvard, there are all these incredibly attractive brown people all over the place! Out of all the ways to write that sentence, that has to be the absolute worst. It takes craft to write something so efficiently awful.

but... I could be totally wrong. for emphasis: I COULD BE SO FUCKING WRONG ABOUT THIS. OH GOD, COULD I JUST BE ALL KINDS OF WRONG HERE, BECAUSE LORD KNOWS PEOPLE THIS AWFUL EXIST UNFORTUNATELY. honestly, I'm probably wrong.

but I can't help it. It just seems so artificial, so unbelievably perfectly terrible in the most crafted way possible that I can't help but think it's not real. everything about it screams trolling to me. But then, there really are people who are like this, I know.

so to be clear, I'm not trying to be like "you're all crazy for taking this seriously, lol" or anything. this is just me saying "I wonder if this is a joke? it bears the mark, I think."
posted by shmegegge at 4:46 PM on June 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


My God that was a shitty article.
posted by LarryC at 4:48 PM on June 4, 2010


But can you date an Indian person without spending any money for a whole day?
posted by empath at 4:48 PM on June 4, 2010 [14 favorites]


shmegegge! your hands! Your hands are covered in the wretched peels of this unspeakable onion! burn them! burn them now! Fire is the only way to make them clean!
posted by The Whelk at 4:50 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


yhbt? yhl? hand?
posted by everichon at 4:54 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


...this reads so perfectly that you'd think it was meant to trigger our gag reflex...

I have this theory...
posted by griphus at 4:55 PM on June 4, 2010


If you want to date a MeFite, there are seven things you can learn to ingratiate yourself with them:

1. SLYT. Two things you need to know about these initials. One, SLYT is short hand for single link YouTube. Two, you must have an opinion about whether a SLYT post is good or bad, especially if you are a frequent front page poster. The viability of SLYT posts is a very polarizing topic if the poles are defined as "apathy" and "hatred."

2. Favorite mod. If you are pinched for time, you can simply claim mathowie is your favorite and move on. But, if you want to take some initiative, I highly recommend you familiarize yourself with the other three mods, cortex, jessamyn, and vacapinta and choose a favorite. Each has their own deletion style. Vacapinta is the least visible of the mods so study up on his role on Metafilter. Note: meatbomb does not count.

3. Favor favorites? Favorites are a contentious topic on MetaFilter in regards to their use. You could just declare that the use of favorites are determined by the individual user. This is a cop out. Better to take a side: is it as a bookmark or indicative of comment worth?

4. Favorite pronunciation. It's not actually obvious how to pronounce, "MeFite," though one strong recommendation is that of #1. Major bonus points if you are considerate of the pronunciation of usernames. This will likely get you a date if not something straight out of human relations.

5. Banjo. Showing an appreciation for banjo will take you far with a MeFite. But maybe they don't make good gifts in certain contexts. Remember that dancing to banjo can be an experience. Dancing to banjos, how does that work?

6. Food. Bacon. You will score many points and get something straight out of human relations if you can cook bacon. However, MeFites also like pancakes. Posts about bacon are getting a bit tiresome so just stick to cooking it. Imagine if you were to read about your favorite food in the newspaper all the time, wouldn't that be terrible?

7. Language. MeFites love to correct their own grammatical mistakes in a comment following the comment with the mistake in it. Naturally, MeFites also enjoy being corrected by others. DO IT NOW!

Good luck. I hope quonsar, God of Fishpants, smiles down upon you as you endeavor to date one of the People of the Brand New Day.

One big bonus when it comes to dating a MeFite: you know when the injokes become stale. Think I'm kidding? Just imagine when you've constructed a jokey comment and your significant other stops you and says, "don't post that! That's so lame!" You've just avoided lots of snark.

sometimes you to post it anyways.
posted by Mister Cheese at 5:09 PM on June 4, 2010 [87 favorites]


damnit mister cheese I was gonna do that - but it would be how to date me and then it just went to a very weird self-loathing place I wasn't comfortable with. Your list also contains some similar items which is making me feel funny in the lower half of my brain.

PS tee hee fishpants

posted by The Whelk at 5:13 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's "Mee-Fai" or you are a fraudulent troll givewell hole.
posted by everichon at 5:20 PM on June 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


If this isn't a joke I feel sorry for her husband.

I rather like the image that comes to mind! The Husband and Wife, lying in bed, doing a little light reading at the end of their day.

H: How was today's column?
W: Good! It came out well!
H: Oh, good! Congratulations!
W: Yeah! And actually, I kind of wrote it about you!
H: Nice! Is it about how handsome I am? How good in bed I am?
W: Kind of! You should read it!
H: Okay! (Goes downstairs, opens up Huffington Post)
W: Turn off the light in the computer room when you're done!
H: (reads)
H: ...
H: D:
W: Did you finish it? Has it gotten any comments yet?
H: D:
posted by Greg Nog at 5:21 PM on June 4, 2010 [9 favorites]


Friend of mine said "meh-fee" recently.

I really had to struggle to remember her good qualities.
posted by The Whelk at 5:21 PM on June 4, 2010 [10 favorites]


Most Indians are innately gracious, social creatures

Yeah. Try shopping at Patel Brothers in Waltham any evening during Holi. You can pry the last rasgulla from my cold dead hands (because I wouldn't let go while the guy was trying to yak them from my warm, live hands).

Indians, Pakistanis, Bengalis and everyone else from the Indian subcontinent? Situational assholes just like every other group of humans on from every single mass of land on the planet. Assholes with yummy food, but assholes all the same.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:22 PM on June 4, 2010


it's fucking meh-fee, fuckers. mee-fai sounds stupid and bears no resemblance to the original name.
posted by shmegegge at 5:24 PM on June 4, 2010 [9 favorites]


It's clear from the first paragraph that this is pure shit-filler text of the kind intended to spackle in the cracks in a neighbourhood paper or faux-magazine flyer, which makes it awfully hard for me to take it seriously enough to be offended. HuffPo publishes reams of this cack every day. I just kind of go into a slack alpha state reading it, like watching an infomercial.
Wines, wines, wines! So many of them and so delicious! But how to choose the right one for you? As my colorful ethnic friend says, etc and so on please kill me
posted by fleetmouse at 5:25 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Mefi == meh-fee
Mefite == mee-fight

Every other option is wrong. WRONG!
posted by kmz at 5:25 PM on June 4, 2010


I am always right! you are always wrong! Join me now on the bouncy-castle of self-righteous indignation!
posted by The Whelk at 5:28 PM on June 4, 2010 [5 favorites]


2. Favorite mod. If you are pinched for time, you can simply claim mathowie is your favorite and move on. But, if you want to take some initiative, I highly recommend you familiarize yourself with the other three mods, cortex, jessamyn, and vacapinta and choose a favorite. Each has their own deletion style. Vacapinta is the least visible of the mods so study up on his role on Metafilter. Note: meatbomb does not count.

PB!!!
posted by jgirl at 5:28 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


It goes

BOING!

GRAR!

BOING!

GRAR!
posted by The Whelk at 5:28 PM on June 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


I wish Miss Miller offered this kind of insight to my New Delhian dad and White Bitch Italian mom in 1969. They could have just bonded over some chicken tikka and lasagna, forming a relationship over their mutual love of saucy tomatoes instead of both being children of poverty and war, having similar family dynamics, and both being recent immigrants to the US. I mean, why waste your time with that kind of complicated crap when you could just chase each other around trees in a lush and exotic forest in the middle of a rain storm? Then go home and fight over who gets to use the last clove of garlic. And then make up with more dancing. And then an ipad to seal the deal. Now that's love.
posted by raztaj at 5:30 PM on June 4, 2010 [10 favorites]


MEH-FIE. It's not MEAT-A-FILTER is it? (It's META-FILE-TER.)
posted by griphus at 5:31 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


But I'm friends with lots of Samosas!
posted by nathancaswell at 5:31 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


I dated an Indian once. Do I get to write an article about how they're all alike too?
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 5:32 PM on June 4, 2010


It goes

BOING!

GRAR!

BOING!

GRAR!


Wrong! It's

GRR!

ARGH!

(while a vampire walks across the screen)
posted by kmz at 5:34 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


BOING

PING

BOOM

TSCHAK

PING

posted by griphus at 5:36 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


"BOINGBOING! GRAR! BOINGBOING! GRAR!" is the correct transliteration I am pretty sure.
posted by furiousthought at 5:41 PM on June 4, 2010


I empathize with shmegegge. The article seems almost perfectly constructed to demonstrate 12 different flavors of unconscious racism.

I don't know how Huffington Post works, but I assume articles have to go through some sort of filter process with editors & such. Either it's satire, or the entire staff of Huntington Post are idiots, or someone knowingly let this through in order to embarrass the author (or rather, let the author embarrass herself).
posted by kanewai at 5:43 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


well, there might be some kind of editing process, but the truth is that anyone who is friends with Arianna Huffington (and she's on a first name basis with simply everybody, DAHLING, didn't you know?) basically gets a free pass straight to the front page no questions asked.
posted by shmegegge at 5:47 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


How to Date a Presumptuous White Lady:

1. Most white ladies blather on about blah, blah, blah; seriously, they don't know when to stfu.

So this Huffington Post, it's like FOX News for the Blue States?
posted by applemeat at 5:59 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


She could have retitled that article: "Fucking Indians! How do they work??".
posted by dr_dank at 6:17 PM on June 4, 2010 [15 favorites]


See, now that I am being restored by some Cognac-fortified Champagne, you lot can say "meow-feh" and schematize the seduction of welshing Gypsies for all I care. Excelsior!
posted by everichon at 6:17 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Quietgal: Lame-ish? Joey Michaels, your pieces may have been lame-ish but this right here is the real deal. Except it's not funny enough to rate as comedy.

I think we're both giving it too much credit.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:18 PM on June 4, 2010


MEE FIE

MEE FIGHTS
posted by unSane at 6:19 PM on June 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


Is there an Indian Version of US Weekly? Since more than half the list is related to Bollywood, I'd have my bases covered.
posted by l2p at 6:30 PM on June 4, 2010


Thanks for reducing a whole culture into jokes for your pathetic career.
posted by hal_c_on at 6:41 PM on June 4, 2010


I never get the "it was a joke" defense of racism. Racist jokes aren't racist?
posted by DU at 6:46 PM on June 4, 2010


"Hey brother, will you please take us to Spring and 6th?"

Translation into super seekrit cabbie speak:
Arre bhai, zara humko Spring aur 6th le jana. Jaldi se.

Now either that's the correct translation, or it means "Help, I'm being kidnapped"
posted by prufrock at 6:49 PM on June 4, 2010


Is there an Indian Version of US Weekly? Since more than half the list is related to Bollywood, I'd have my bases covered.
Filmfare should do it.
posted by peacheater at 6:50 PM on June 4, 2010


Thanks for reducing a whole culture into jokes for your pathetic career.

Russel Peters does exactly that except, you know, he's actually funny.
posted by GuyZero at 6:58 PM on June 4, 2010


I never get the "it was a joke" defense of racism. Racist jokes aren't racist?

Some are Meta-Racist. As in "making fun of people who are racist."

cf.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:02 PM on June 4, 2010


(though I don't think the author of the original article intended to be meta)
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:03 PM on June 4, 2010


um. i was starting to laugh, but then i realized, "oh wait, huffington post. this might actually be meant SERIOUSLY."

please somebody tell me you are familiar with this person's work and that she does deadpan humor pieces like this all the time.

...no? nobody? dammit.
posted by lolichka at 7:24 PM on June 4, 2010


Does this shit only work with Indian dudes or does it do the trick with the squaws too?

I'll see myself out.
posted by Mister_A at 7:25 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


The'"It's OK, it's not racist because I'm married to one" defense is only slightly less noxious than "One of my best friends is...."
posted by availablelight at 7:33 PM on June 4, 2010


Okay, fuck it, I'm linking to a MadTV sketch.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:37 PM on June 4, 2010



I don't know how Huffington Post works, but I assume articles have to go through some sort of filter process with editors & such. Either it's satire, or the entire staff of Huntington Post are idiots, or someone knowingly let this through in order to embarrass the author (or rather, let the author embarrass herself).

...or it's total click-bait, like all the most ridiculous NYT Styles section articles. I'm already feeling remorse for falling for OMG RACIST YOU HAVE TO READ THIS
posted by availablelight at 7:41 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


She probably just threw this piece together after her first one, "Sex & The City Tips for Tweeps" , got rejected.
posted by Surfurrus at 7:45 PM on June 4, 2010


Meatbomb does too count!
posted by jessamyn at 7:50 PM on June 4, 2010 [5 favorites]


Oooh, ooh, ooh! I want an Asian. Do that now!
posted by Splunge at 8:02 PM on June 4, 2010


Mrs. Andrea Miller-Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna write here anymore, anyway.
posted by mizjana2u at 8:10 PM on June 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


If you are Indian, you can skip the rest of this post and spend the next four minutes savoring your desirability.

Mmm.. Heap good. Me feel great about self. Oh, wait what? Oh. Nevermind...
posted by Splunge at 8:12 PM on June 4, 2010


Clarification: Last post. Created with little thought.

Please understand that the comment was full of a fine hamburger and should have had that as a tag.
posted by Splunge at 8:15 PM on June 4, 2010


I never get the "it was a joke" defense of racism. Racist jokes aren't racist?

"If I like their race, how can that be racist?" - Seinfeld
posted by spoobnooble at 8:22 PM on June 4, 2010


ShawnStruck : Response: How To Know You Are Dating A Racist.

Wow, with a name like "FeminiSting", it has to... Oh. No, no, I guess not: "it took dating a long line of people [...] to learn how to detect that I was asked out by or was dating...a racist."

Pssst... Anyone wasting their time dating you may have a laughable ignorance of your culture, but "racist" doesn't quite fit the bill. Perhaps - just perhaps - the "long line" of "them" reflects worse on you than on them? Jus' sayin'.
posted by pla at 8:34 PM on June 4, 2010


I never get the "it was a joke" defense of racism. Racist jokes aren't racist?

well, what Joey Michaels said, though it's treacherous territory and at the end of the day, the joke-teller (and possibly much of the audience) doesn't get to decide. It's really up to the people being talked about, and if this is meant as a joke it has failed colossally and the people being talked about are offended, which is basically what matters.
posted by shmegegge at 8:36 PM on June 4, 2010


Andrea Miller (currently known as AndPad iMiller). Apparently the founder and CEO of YouTango or something. Also on HuffPo Living: Parents: It's Okay to Have a Favorite Child

H: Okay! (Goes downstairs, opens up Huffington Post)

No, he reads it on her iPad!
posted by delmoi at 8:38 PM on June 4, 2010


Wow, with a name like "FeminiSting" ... Pssst... Anyone wasting their time dating you may have a laughable ignorance of your culture, but "racist" doesn't quite fit the bill. Perhaps - just perhaps - the "long line" of "them" reflects worse on you than on them? Jus' sayin'.

What? Also it's FeminIsting. Like Fisting. Because, uh, they have their fists in the air. And wave 'em round like they just don't care.
posted by delmoi at 8:40 PM on June 4, 2010


As a desi who has dated (is dating) non-desi girls (girl), I can affirm the fact that much genuine humour can be drawn from the whole juxtaposition. I can also affirm that most desi dudes:
a) Don't give a fuck who your favourite Bollywood star is
b) Care two hoots about which movie you've seen
c) Are mostly socially awkward imps, who's notion of ettiquette will differ significantly from yours
d) Care a lot more about cricket than Bollywood, but, unless you wish to switch religions and declare that the only god that matters answers to the name Sachin Tendulkar, it's best not to try and impress them on that score
e) Have two left feet
f) Can't do the bhangra you want. Seriously, stop looking at us for 'guidance' whenever the DJ plays dancefloor-bhangra crap such as mundian tu bach ke rahi; there are no fixed steps for that shit, you just flail your arms in any way you find comfortable.

Some of us desi dudes, though, having been introduced to more traditional forms in school cultural events, are familiar with moves that are significantly more acrobatic. Sadly, most of these can't be performed in a nightclub.

g) Have no clue about Kamasutra or any of that shit. Nobody does; they've all read it probably just like you have, a dog-eared copy that your friend in middle school passed you on. Not to put this too finely, but KS is full of crap; folks, instead, are better off finding dudes/ dudettes who can do yoga moves. As with the mind, so with the body: when it comes to cross-cultural dating, flexibility helps.

I can has HuffPo column, k pls thx bai?!
posted by the cydonian at 8:57 PM on June 4, 2010 [16 favorites]


I once wrote an article with the same title. Of course, my suggestions were more along the lines of how to decorate a wigwam and the proper pronunciation of "woo woo woo".

I still don't know why the handwriting of the person who rejected it looked so angry.
posted by davejay at 10:09 PM on June 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


As with the mind, so with the body: when it comes to cross-cultural dating, flexibility helps.

If that isn't a quotable quote, I don't know what is. Well-put, reasonable and sleazy all at once. I applaud you, sir.
posted by davejay at 10:10 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Uh, actually I think somatic flexability is helpful in intracultural relationships too.
posted by delmoi at 11:12 PM on June 4, 2010


Oh my god, America! You have your very own Liz Jones! Congratulations! You may now commence stabbing yourself with dull forks.
posted by saturnine at 11:53 PM on June 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Alas, it seems there's always a deeper cesspool to wallow in.

That's what Mark Twain said.
posted by Twang at 11:56 PM on June 4, 2010


Dating an Indian if you grew up in America seems like a minefield to me, exactly the sort of thing a guide would be really useful for. The culture seems so conservative and bizzare, unexpected taboos, family often has expectations that seem insane but are taken Very Seriously, there is all sorts of weirdness like arranged marriages, virginity issues, etc.

I was expecting a guide through the minefield, and the author seems placed to do a fair job of that, but instead... she writes this?!

WTF?!
posted by -harlequin- at 11:57 PM on June 4, 2010


I am so very late to this party

BAH HUMBUG

I'd rather date a MeFite than an Indian, even if meatbomb can't count
posted by infini at 12:17 AM on June 5, 2010


culture seems so conservative and bizzare, unexpected taboos, family often has expectations that seem insane but are taken Very Seriously, there is all sorts of weirdness like arranged marriages, virginity issues

... talking about the Bible Belt, eh?
posted by Surfurrus at 12:50 AM on June 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


The Dusky Hindoo has obviously tricked this woman into drinking the Blood of Kali Ma, thereby turning her into a thrall of the Thuggee Cult. This can only end with her heart being torn from her chest as she dangles over a lava pit. Also, stereotypes are stupid, and racist stereotypes are stupid squared.
posted by Ritchie at 1:51 AM on June 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


but what about us nautch grils?
posted by infini at 1:56 AM on June 5, 2010


Jeez, this column does come off as quite a bit racist; which is really stupid since basically all the author tries to say is "try to take an interest in what your date is interested in, take some guesses".
Also: pretending to be knowledgeable about a subject by learning two or three "key facts" is stupid.

Also also: what's up with this quote: "my husband (currently known as my husPad, thanks to his appropriating the iPad he 'gave me')"? Is she trying to make an "Indian giver" joke?

Also also also: It's clearly "meh-fee". As in the good old German Metafilter ("meh-tah-feel-tehr"). I'm not going to switch codes for only one word when mentioning this site in conversation.

posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:52 AM on June 5, 2010


#

(that's like the "." for obit posts, only it means "that was so incredibly fucking appallingly stupid that I don't have the words to express exactly how much it sucked the shit from dead donkeys' arseholes, but I would still like to leave a mark to show that I was here and I hated every second of the time I wasted reading it, and may the author die a slow, painful and lonely death for being a tedious and unfunny bhenchod beyond all comparison")
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:41 AM on June 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


applemeat: "How to Date a Presumptuous White Lady:"

"Ladies, when we are dating, we have a system, don't we? we do, we have a system we do! We have a system! Here's my system. First date, kiss on the cheek. Second date, we can make out. Third date, if he buys me shoes and chocolate, he can get keys to my apartment and he can go through the BACK DOOR BURRRR. I'm empty inside, I'm a husk, I can't feel my hands!"
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:39 AM on June 5, 2010 [6 favorites]


dating an indian is a perfect way to treat myself for having the wherewithal to not spend any money in new york city for 24 hours. i have no idea what i would do with my life without huffpo originals!
posted by the aloha at 1:26 PM on June 5, 2010


"Third date, if he buys me shoes and chocolate, he can get keys to my apartment "

make it lingerie and cocaine, and you've got a deal
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 3:20 PM on June 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


ok!
posted by shmegegge at 3:36 PM on June 5, 2010


Lord, this article is worse than my 'everyone is an asshole' theory of cultural tolerance.
1. Look at that person I don't know who doesn't look or act just like me! That person has done something that I think is an asshole thing to do. Man, those people are weird! They are all assholes!

*Learn a little bit about the group from which the person hails or make acquaintance with people who hail from that group*

2. Look at that person I don't know who doesn't look or act just like me! That person has done something that I think is an asshole thing to do, but their exotic and quaint culture probably has something to do with it. Man, those people are awesome and weird!

*Learn more about the group from which the person hails and make closer acquaintance with people who hail from that group*

3. Look at that person I don't know who doesn't look or act just like me! That person has done something that I think is an asshole thing to do. Man, that specific person is an asshole!
I am sure that the same process from the perspective of someone who isn't quite as much a misanthrope as I am looks very different.
posted by winna at 5:02 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


hm, does fervently agreeing with #3 make me rabidly anti-Indian?
posted by infini at 6:23 AM on June 6, 2010


I think that #3 is when you are seeing people as individual hateful folk, instead of representing a whole flock of them. It makes you an enlightened misanthrope who hates people based on their own merits!
posted by winna at 7:30 AM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


enlightened misanthrope

I think that should be my next sockpuppet
posted by infini at 8:38 AM on June 6, 2010


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