Milkshake!

November 2, 2010 9:01 AM

Super There Will Be Blood in-game footage. Bonus: Zardoz the video game - intro.
posted by fearfulsymmetry (24 comments total)

No!

Oh, I like this.
posted by orme at 9:06 AM on November 2, 2010

Zardoz would, of course, make an awesome video game. When you died, the continue screen could play a loop of Arthur Frayn's voice saying "I WILL...NOT GO...TO SECOND LEVEL...NOOOOO..."
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:06 AM on November 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

> drink milkshake
You don't have that.

> get milkshake
It's too far away.

> get straw
Got the straw.

> drink milkshake
It's too far away.

> drink milkshake with straw
It's too far away.

> reach
Reach where?

> reach across room with straw
Done.

> drink milkshake with straw
You drink it up!
posted by Zozo at 9:11 AM on November 2, 2010 [43 favorites]

Best thing ever?

Yes.
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:18 AM on November 2, 2010

Acrooo-oooooooooo-ooooooooss the room
posted by shakespeherian at 9:23 AM on November 2, 2010

And now on your Sega Genesis, it's Philadelphia!
posted by DaDaDaDave at 9:43 AM on November 2, 2010

I hope Zardoz has some sort of multiplayer where one player is good, and so plays as the gun, while the other player has to play as the evil penis.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:11 AM on November 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

I'm a fan of Doubt for the Sega Genesis.
posted by nanojath at 10:46 AM on November 2, 2010

The sadly fictional Garfield RPG is well worth a watch.
posted by munchingzombie at 10:54 AM on November 2, 2010

You are Zardoz.
You have a gun, a banana hammock and muttonchop sideburns
] shoot
Choose ammo:
1) Shoot bullets
2) Shoot seed

posted by boo_radley at 11:20 AM on November 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is great. Related, I swear this was posted here once but I can't find it. The Room: The Game.
posted by chairface at 12:00 PM on November 2, 2010

What? NO! Seannery plays Zed, not Zardoz. And while he's wearing leather manties, they are not anywhere near a banana hammock or budgie smuggler.

It should be---

You are Zardoz. You are a large floating head that packed its angry eyes.

]vomit

Do you:

1) Vomit guns
2) Vomit ammunition
3) Vomit guns AND ammunition
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:05 PM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

CAUTION: YOU ARE APPROACHING THE PERIPHERY SHIELD OF VORTEX FOUR.
CAUTION: YOU ARE APPROACHING THE PERIPHERY SHIELD OF VORTEX FOUR.


PLEASE INSERT NEXT DISK TO CONTINUE
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:13 PM on November 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

Stop camping the big angry head with the weapons, n00b!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:14 PM on November 2, 2010

You have entered Tabernacle.
You are surrounded by reflective crystalline structures.
There are no exits.

] say tabernacle
You shout, "Tabernacle!"

] say tabernacle
You shout, "Tabernacle!"

] say tabernacle
You shout, "Tabernacle!"

] say tabernacle
You shout, "Tabernacle!"

] say tabernacle
You shout, "Tabernacle!"

posted by The Great Big Mulp at 12:29 PM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Um yeah. About as dull as the movie.
posted by eeeeeez at 12:39 PM on November 2, 2010

You are almost completely frozen in place in a warehouse.

There are exits to the east and south.

There is a Seannery here.  He is very sweaty.

] lick seannery

You lick the Seannery.  His sweat is all salty-like.  
It is infused with magic psychedelic wossnames.
You are tripping balls.

posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:22 PM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I feel like this thread would make much more sense if I'd ever seen/heard of Zardoz. As it is, it's wonderfully absurd.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 7:18 PM on November 2, 2010

I thank this thread for revealing a childhood memory of mine: I remember seeing on TV (while I was busy playing with my Star Wars stuff) a hollowed out statue head and a man buried in sand inside the head. For some reason that scene has always stuck with me and I had no idea what it was from--TV show? Movie? Made-for TV movie? Now I know...Zardoz. I am *cough* downloading *cough* a copy of the movie now to give me a hit of nostalgia.

Also, loved the SNES video. Milkshake!
posted by snwod at 7:57 PM on November 2, 2010

I love this. Love it.
posted by EatTheWeek at 8:15 PM on November 2, 2010

I came in here to make the SECOND LEVEL joke.

But damn, would that make a great game. Even the spaces in Zardoz are conducive to RPG exploration. Also good would be a game comprised of DIFFERENT John Boorman movies for each level. He's all about iconic flawed heroes journeying through spaces, yadda yadda. Can I get that done?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:50 PM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also, for the record, here is the face I made seeing the Zardoz attract mode.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:52 PM on November 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I feel like this thread would make much more sense if I'd ever seen/heard of Zardoz. As it is, it's wonderfully absurd.

I'd like to say seeing the movie would explain the video, but then you'd have to watch another, much longer movie to explain that.
posted by JHarris at 12:21 AM on November 3, 2010

The extant movie I can think of which one would "have to watch" in order to comprehend Zardoz is actually only five minutes longer! I checked. 1939:1974:2010 :: 110:105:1. That's postmodernism. QED. But seriously, folks, what's really a shocker is that Zardoz is not, in fact, the longest movie ever, as some who've seen it believe.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:32 AM on November 3, 2010