The fratboyette approach mingled with the lingering scent of trying too hard ("Why A-Ham was a Hot-T"?) made the most 'bangable' thing in here for me the beautifully rendered pie charts. Such pie charts.
All in all it comes out looking like this book you buy for a fourteen year old kid because it looks kind of funny, and it's got the word 'boners' in it, and also has history facts, but one too many 'DEAD BONERS' and the joke is over. Amusement might be had over hipster poet Stalin looking much like any attractive hipster poet today, but I am saddened to realise there is a point where the word 'boner' stops being funny.
Pu Yi was impotent, so if you wanted any banging with the Last Emperor, you'd have to supply it yourself. posted by Abiezer at 3:58 AM on January 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
Another vote for Rutherford. I tried to talk my then-sexytimes-partner into some sexytimes in the Rutherford museum when we were in Christchurch, but he wasn't having it. Just something about being there got me going... and I'm certain he would have approved. posted by Trivia Newton John at 4:44 AM on January 9, 2011
The concept here appears to have been, ahem, inspired (modulo the gender-swap) by the "Hotties from History" joke/segment of John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman's podcast The Bugle, circa 2008. posted by kcds at 5:05 AM on January 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
boyzone. or its opposite. or something. i'm going to sleep in monster truck's Unfun Ave. posted by feldspaz at 5:06 AM on January 9, 2011
That, sir or madame, is the least true statement ever rendered by the human linguistic faculties. posted by cthuljew at 5:41 AM on January 9, 2011 [10 favorites]
I knew there had to be another reason to despise the movie "Out of Africa." posted by blucevalo at 6:15 AM on January 9, 2011
Oh for fuck's sake, if this were "old time-y chicks I would totally nail" it wouldn't fly for even a second. posted by paisley henosis at 8:25 AM on January 9, 2011 [12 favorites]
That picture of Twain? Take away the moustache and you've got Woody Harrelson. posted by jtron at 8:35 AM on January 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
fight or flight : Needs more Tesla paisley henosis : Oh for fuck's sake, if this were "old time-y chicks I would totally nail" it wouldn't fly for even a second.
But yeah, the biased censorship here really does get kinda blatant at times. Would you like another cup of Kool-Aid? posted by pla at 8:42 AM on January 9, 2011 [3 favorites]
I disagree -- I'd love to see a site of historic dead chicks, with pie charts explaining their accomplishments and interesting facts about them as their reasons for being badass and bangable, as opposed to how nice their tits are. Bring it on. posted by chowflap at 8:42 AM on January 9, 2011 [3 favorites]
He looks like Captain Picard's drunk angry brother. posted by The Whelk at 8:49 AM on January 9, 2011 [4 favorites]
This woman really wants to bang Harry Potter. posted by spec80 at 8:52 AM on January 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm always happy to see one of the most courageous, outspoken, and willing fighters for labor/human rights fetishized in a Teen Beat airhead dissemination.
"Eugene seemed ... committed to defending civil liberties."
Am I allowed to cuss here? Because I really would like to cuss. posted by gcbv at 8:58 AM on January 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
*emphasis mine. posted by gcbv at 9:00 AM on January 9, 2011
Yeah, looks like someone's got some issues to sort out with a trained professional and has opted to vomit their psychological problems all over a blog.
As usual.
This entire thread is some happy fucking horseshit. posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:34 AM on January 9, 2011
I don't get the pie charts at all. Pie charts are for percentages. There are no percentages here.
They're not really pie charts so much as circles cut into arbitrarily-sized slices for no real reason.
Also, this is a ripoff of The Bugle's "Hotties from History." posted by Sys Rq at 10:19 AM on January 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
>That picture of Twain? Take away the moustache and you've got Woody Harrelson.
Lewis Payne, Lincoln assassination conspirator, was kind of a hottie if you can overlook heinous crimes and a rather dim view of Union victory. posted by kittyloop at 3:20 PM on January 9, 2011
I only came into this thread to drop this picture and then run.
(Oh Che... can I have a shirt with your *pecs* on it instead?) posted by WidgetAlley at 3:29 PM on January 9, 2011 [2 favorites]
It's as distressing to me as it is to you, but look at the results! We've reached peak boner. posted by monster truck weekend at 3:31 PM on January 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Antonius - has a cult centered around him, completely enraptured the Emperor who, after he died commissioned so many statues of him and he's one of the few people in anicent history that we're really really sure what he looked like (Alexander the great did this too, but that was busts of ...himself.)
Jon Wilmot - Poet, dramatist and Celebrity Degenerate. Wrote some of the best prose about fucking ever and got to be played by Johnny Depp in a movie.
Klimt - Founding member of the Secessionist Movement, notable figure in the Arts And Crafts Movement, pioneer in dress reform and did that painting every college freshman has.
Sir Richard Burton - Good god man, just READ that wikipedia entry! He got speared through the cheek and then ripped it out and chased people with it. He was BATMAN. posted by The Whelk at 3:41 PM on January 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
HAD a cult, although there's a throwaway line in American Gods that Antonius worship continues in the form of ...uh...gay porn. posted by The Whelk at 3:42 PM on January 9, 2011
Regardless of the political delicacy of the whole thread, I must stand up and say:
Young Stalin had nice eyes.
(I leave the irony as an exercise for the class.) posted by LMGM at 3:45 PM on January 9, 2011
WTF, no Phineas Gage? I am disappoint. posted by elizardbits at 3:54 PM on January 9, 2011
Sir Richard Burton - Good god man, just READ that wikipedia entry! He got speared through the cheek and then ripped it out and chased people with it. He was BATMAN.
I only came into this thread to drop this picture and then run.
(Oh Che... can I have a shirt with your *pecs* on it instead?)
posted by WidgetAlley at 6:29 PM on January 9
not even gonna lie: as a Latinoamericana of my generation, i would totally seek out guys that looked like Ché, beret or no beret. to say that i had to take extra panties to the movie theater to watch puerto rican papi chulo Benicio del Toro play my major communist fetish is to put it mildly. had to take with me smelling salts and everything :D posted by liza at 4:40 PM on January 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
German Romantic artist and architect Karl Friedrich Schinkel. My boyfriend was practically jealous of this bust. posted by SoftRain at 8:11 AM on January 10, 2011
I disagree -- I'd love to see a site of historic dead chicks, with pie charts explaining their accomplishments and interesting facts about them as their reasons for being badass and bangable, as opposed to how nice their tits are. Bring it on.
posted by chowflap at 10:42 AM on 1/9
I know this thread is basically dead, but for my own sake I have to respond to the above: You know you've made a bad analogy, right, and that this blog actually is the equivalent of a blog about women's tits, because the stereotypical desirable trait in women is physical attractiveness and the stereotypical desirable trait in men is achievement? You may not feel this quite as keenly if you're not a man, but I assure you the pressure is there, and it is intense, and it can be onerous. Furthermore, if this was simply a blog talking up men who had achieved great things, that would be one thing, but many of the "achievements" are specifically evaluated for how potent, virile, sexually experienced they make the guy appear to be, and the ones that aren't directly about the guy's perceived virility explicitly correlate his non-sexual achievements to how sexually desirable he is, which makes it a pretty good match for a breast-rating site that also talks about how good the author thinks the women would be at performing various sexual acts.
I know it's meant to be a joke, but underneath the joke is an uncritical objectification.
I don't mean to get up in your shit; in fact I post this more for any men who might not feel totally comfortable with this but can't quite articulate for themselves why not. posted by skwt at 9:45 PM on January 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
Speaking as a man, I'm only made uncomfortable by the fact that this site is clearly advocating necrophilia.
It's just not fair. I mean, come on, there's just no competing with a handsome Joe Six-feet-under, no matter how lazy I try to be. posted by Sys Rq at 11:30 PM on January 10, 2011
What skwt said.
Also, young Stalin bears a strange resemblance to pro wrestler Jimmy Jacobs. posted by jtron at 9:01 AM on January 11, 2011
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