Ethical cheese, please.
January 17, 2011 6:05 PM   Subscribe

"I am working to make a delicious Wisconsin human cheddar." (previously)
posted by kneecapped (117 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
I suppose if it were pasteurized and from a antibiotic-free free range organic woman I might try it.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:08 PM on January 17, 2011 [17 favorites]


Unless you've found a woman willing to subsist on clover and grass, it's going to be disgusting.

There's a reason why we don't drink pigs' milk.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:12 PM on January 17, 2011 [9 favorites]


Ethical Ice Cream.

I'd probably give it a try. I mean it's good enough for babies, right?
posted by BungaDunga at 6:13 PM on January 17, 2011


Was really hoping for a recipe or two.
posted by beepbeepboopboop at 6:13 PM on January 17, 2011


It's made from... people?!

Ewwww.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:14 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


A link I should have included in the post.
posted by kneecapped at 6:14 PM on January 17, 2011


No Ethical White Russian?

Then you'd have my attention. But what if the boobies in queation were attached to a drinking woman? That would save a step, right? I dunno.
posted by jonmc at 6:15 PM on January 17, 2011 [5 favorites]


Yeah, wrong. So wrong. So many things you can catch from other people. Not a lot you can catch from a cow.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:16 PM on January 17, 2011


This is local? The hazelnuts, they're local?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:16 PM on January 17, 2011 [18 favorites]


Except for mad cow disease. is there mad human disease?
posted by jonmc at 6:16 PM on January 17, 2011


Yeah, but about half of us have it so it's probably not that big a deal.
posted by localhuman at 6:18 PM on January 17, 2011 [5 favorites]


Is it made from real Wisconsinites?
posted by spinifex23 at 6:19 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


That would explain all of the cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
posted by jonmc at 6:19 PM on January 17, 2011


It's made from... people?!


Yeah, dude, we eat those in Wisconsin.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:27 PM on January 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


Yesterday's comedy hit is the grist for tomorrow's MFA thesis project.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:28 PM on January 17, 2011


Well, yeah, I know. Savages.

Yours truly, FIB.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:29 PM on January 17, 2011


Except for mad cow disease.

Not something you generally get from milk IIRC.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:29 PM on January 17, 2011


Yeah, dude, we eat those in Wisconsin.

Damn straight.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:29 PM on January 17, 2011 [7 favorites]


... then we'll break away from the other cows, and enter in to the generator ... here.
posted by sebastienbailard at 6:30 PM on January 17, 2011


There's a reason why we don't drink pigs' milk.

The milking stools would be really, really short?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:31 PM on January 17, 2011 [17 favorites]


I don't think I'm going to be able to come back to Metafilter until the phrase "human cheddar" is off the front page.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:31 PM on January 17, 2011 [33 favorites]


I am pretty sure that Alton Brown has done this or something similar. Not on Good Eats mind you, but personally with his family. I'll leave the googling to somebody else, though, since I'm a bit busy tonight.

Still, that would make a heck of a television show.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 6:32 PM on January 17, 2011


I don't think I'm going to be able to come back to Metafilter until the phrase "human cheddar" is off the front page.

I associated it with "Human Centipede".

That was unpleasant.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:37 PM on January 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


The Japanese are way ahead of you.
posted by rifflesby at 6:40 PM on January 17, 2011


Hey, cool! My raised eyebrow just unstuck itself! Thanks!
posted by loquacious at 6:44 PM on January 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


I checked to make sure, but yes, this is indeed the most awkward use of the ethical tag ever.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:44 PM on January 17, 2011


Also: Your favorite food taboo sucks.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:45 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I cannot help but think of Jamie Zawinski's story (monkey butter!) when any sort of primate milk product is mentioned. The idea of monkey butter is both captivating and horrifying all at once.
posted by combinatorial explosion at 6:46 PM on January 17, 2011


Someone explain that diagram to me... why are there two train cars involved, a toilet, and why is the kid between the toilet and the train car.

and..

This needs a Soylent Yellow tag.
posted by HuronBob at 6:52 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


As long as P.E.T.P. signs off on it, I'm happy.

I'm hoping for a protest movement, though. Hopefully, with bikini-clad P.E.T.P. members in cages, their bodies painted to look like humans ...
posted by sebastienbailard at 6:52 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


This chart is kind of blowing my mind.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:53 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


why is the kid between the toilet and the train car.



Obviously you've never made cheese before.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:56 PM on January 17, 2011 [7 favorites]


Cheese is a kind of meat
A tasty yellow beef
I milk it from my teat
But I try to be discreet
Ooh, cheese.
Ooh, cheese.


The Mighty Boosh
posted by ashbury at 6:56 PM on January 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


This is actually orders of magnitude less disgusting than what I had originally imagined, which I can't even put into words or none of you would ever be able to eat anything ever again.

That said... DINNER TIME.
posted by sonika at 6:59 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm sorry but that's an L train and if it were truly local it'd have to be a G train.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 7:01 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


jonmc: "Except for mad cow disease. is there mad human disease"

Yes.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 7:05 PM on January 17, 2011


Mark and Jez from Peep Show have discussed this particular taboo
posted by sarastro at 7:21 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yeah I'd give it a shot, what does the l train have to do with anything though.
posted by Ad hominem at 7:23 PM on January 17, 2011


Hmm, not even considering the quality/desirability of the cheese, I have serious doubts about the sustainability of it. It seems to me that when you factor in the woman's diet, you're going to end up using more total energy than if you just produced regular dairy cheese. But I know next to nothing about this sort of thing, so I could be mistaken.
posted by jcreigh at 7:23 PM on January 17, 2011


There's a reason why we don't drink pigs' milk.

I thought it was because it's so hard to milk pigs.
posted by snofoam at 7:26 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh, wasn't there a human cheese offered last year until the department of health put a stop to it? Also, can vegans eat this since a human can consent to having her bodily fluids being harvested?

Also Related.
posted by Ad hominem at 7:28 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


is there mad human disease?

There is a disease called kuru.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:31 PM on January 17, 2011


There's also the more common Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease.
posted by Jpfed at 7:38 PM on January 17, 2011


Huh. Following the link to kuru, then reading about it, I thought of Book of Eli, which, of course, is mentioned further down the article. The more you know, and all.

That movie could have been so much better. So, so much better.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:41 PM on January 17, 2011


That page makes a lot of vague noise about sustainability, but really doesn't prove much about it. A single cow can make much more milk than her weight in lactating human women (assuming average body weight, please). So, I'm fairly certain that the amount of space and resources needed to make the same amount of ladycheddar as cow cheese does not compare favorably. Cows are good, and our relationship with them doesn't need to be done away with.

Four stomachs for the win.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:57 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I only know about kuru because it was on an episode of The Love Boat once. Turns out the dude had MS which Doc diagnosed. He was kind of a pre-House House.
posted by maxwelton at 7:57 PM on January 17, 2011


and why is the kid between the toilet and the train car

Also, what are those three things in circles on the left? A sink tap, a bag of groceries or possibly a mime playing baseball, and … um … ?

I have serious doubts about the sustainability of it

Yeah, I think any argument that human cheese has a lower energy/carbon/sustainability cost than bovine cheese is probably bogus, blah blah food chain blah blah other inputs blah. Unless the human is eating nothing but kelp, or something.
posted by hattifattener at 8:05 PM on January 17, 2011


Unless the human is eating nothing but kelp

Given the effect that different feeds have on milk flavors, wow, I don't want to imagine the flavor of human cheese from someone with an all kelp diet. It just wouldn't be pleasant.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:08 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


So the blue cheese version of this would be slightly rotten and moldy human milk cheese.

/mega-barf
posted by bardic at 8:08 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


One thing that they allude to in the article but don't really cover very well is that human milk doesn't really lend itself well to cheesemaking. The proteins and fat content are quite different from animals such as cows, sheep or goats who we usually use for cheesemaking, which usually means that the product can't be 100% human milk, or has to have extra processes involved. Food scientists, can you chime in?
posted by Polyhymnia at 8:11 PM on January 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


Can vegans eat this since a human can consent to having her bodily fluids being harvested?

Vegans can eat whatever they want to. The Veganic Enforcement League doesn't come and take their membership card away or anything like that.

I'm interested in how she accomplished the cheesemaking, however... I'd been under the impression that human milk simply doesn't set up in the same way that cow, goat and sheep milk does. It looks as if all her recipes are admixtures of human and animal, rather than pure human cheese, and seem soft, so perhaps (non-human) animals milks are required in her method.
posted by mumkin at 8:11 PM on January 17, 2011


I really did not need to see this post immediately after watching The Road for the first time. Ugh.
posted by Ryvar at 8:21 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm wondering how many fathers with wives who breastfed are going to have the balls in this thread to own up to having a taste. Because though this sums up the situation perfectly, there's still an inescapable, strong cultural squick factor involved.

But, you know, come on.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:25 PM on January 17, 2011


Vegans can eat whatever they want to. The Veganic Enforcement League doesn't come and take their membership card away or anything like that.

Actually....
posted by ian1977 at 8:30 PM on January 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


There are plenty of nasty diseases you can get from cow's milk - diphtheria, salmonellosis, listeriosis, brucellosis and typhoid fever. This is why we pasteurise our milk now.

That article is useless without any mention of how the cheese tastes.
posted by Jilder at 8:31 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't get the aversion. Sure, I'd try it. Sounds good from the description.

Shit, I'll take a frosty mason jar full of straight milk. I would be surprised if it weren't delicious. It's orders of magnitude more bizarre that we drink secretions meant for baby cows.
posted by cmoj at 8:36 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


If it's not made from smegma, I'm not interested.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:40 PM on January 17, 2011


Alton Brown does not lactate.
posted by mendel at 8:40 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


He's got you fooled.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:41 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


How do these things happen? Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease!? My mom died of CJD (a one in 2 mill. chance of infection according to the docs, and we still have no idea where she contracted it) in 1990, before we ever heard of "Mad-Cow Disease," and here you guys are, on my post about "cheese," bringing it up. (You can't get CJD by eating cheese, except maybe head-cheese that includes the spinal or brain material of an already infected animal - likely a sheep). I say again, How do these things happen?
posted by kneecapped at 8:43 PM on January 17, 2011


I want to try it, honestly. How would it taste prepared in the style of Camembert, or Mozzarella? Can we make whipping cream out of it? Cream cheese?

The possibilities are endless!
posted by ralenys at 8:44 PM on January 17, 2011


If it's not made from smegma, I'm not interested.

You must just be accustomed to regular American cheese.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:46 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


louche mustachio: "It's made from... people?!
Yeah, dude, we eat those in Wisconsin
"

I loved the old T-Shirt that showed a picture of Gein and Dahmer along with our former tourism slogan "Wisconsin, you're among friends."
posted by symbioid at 8:46 PM on January 17, 2011 [4 favorites]


the balls in this thread to own up to having a taste
Owning up. Resisting the question of taste, though I have to say that it was a good time. It brought me back ... way back.
posted by kneecapped at 8:47 PM on January 17, 2011


The only cheese that I've heard about being made with human milk is a really soft spreadable affair, and even that is heavily doctored. making a cheddar? Yeah, that isn't going to happen using anything approximating natural processes.

I have often times wondered at why people are so squcked out about human milk, but not drinking milk from other animals?
posted by edgeways at 9:13 PM on January 17, 2011


As an irrelevant data point, I would have no moral objections, as a vegan, to eating this sort of thing.

On the other hand, I also have no particular moral objections to milk, per se, so I suppose it all comes down to how well the women in the Human Farm are being treated, and what happens to their offspring.

Veal would probably be the worst case scenario here.
posted by kyrademon at 9:18 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


If it's not made from smegma, I'm not interested.

Ah, a connoisseur of the European cheeses, I see.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:25 PM on January 17, 2011 [3 favorites]


The potential for HGH abuse could be a real issue, and keeping a milking herd would be prohibitively expensive. It won't be replacing Kraft singles anytime soon.
posted by doctor_negative at 9:33 PM on January 17, 2011


There's definitely a joke to be made here about Reince Priebus being a boob, but it's terribly cheesy.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:34 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


One thing that they allude to in the article but don't really cover very well is that human milk doesn't really lend itself well to cheesemaking. The proteins and fat content are quite different from animals such as cows, sheep or goats who we usually use for cheesemaking, which usually means that the product can't be 100% human milk, or has to have extra processes involved. Food scientists, can you chime in?

I'm no food scientist, but I can tell you that cheese isn't just milk that's left to curdle. There's other stuff in there that makes it all happen. Gross stuff. Stuff like rennet, which is the juice of a dead animal's stomach. Yum!
posted by Sys Rq at 9:41 PM on January 17, 2011


I AM A SOCIAL ALCHEMIST
posted by Existential Dread at 9:45 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I stopped consuming human titty milk along time ago and I don't guess I'm gonna start up again just because someone off their nut has gone and made cheese with it.
posted by nola at 9:53 PM on January 17, 2011


someone off their nut has gone and made cheese with it.

Can you make cheese from that?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:55 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Hasn't this already been done on metafilter already?

Now is the Wisconsinite milk supplier grass fed, or corn fed? High fructose corn syrup &c&c&c.

I'm sure metafilter has come up with a cooked semen post in the past as well.

That said, our lunch group has been obsessing on and off about whale milk icecream and how whales milk could be harvested in the first place. Whether the liquid nitrogen method or the traditional method of making icecream was more of a 5th or 6th consideration.
posted by porpoise at 10:05 PM on January 17, 2011


Vegans can eat whatever they want to. The Veganic Enforcement League doesn't come and take their membership card away or anything like that.

They're still trying to sort out the shiny jackboots and riding crops.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:08 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


So, a few years back, my siblings and I were having dinner at my grandmother's house. My grandmother is a very reserved woman who does not discuss sex, bodily functions, etc.

She offered us some sheep's cheese. My sister had never heard of such a thing, but my grandmother explained to her that it was normal, like cow or goat cheese. This set my sister off: "Really? Why don't they make cheese from other mammals' milk then? Cat cheese? Dog cheese? Pig cheese..."
My grandmother is looking on in horror at this point.
"Whale cheese," I suggest, butting in.
My sister continues: "...Elephant cheese? Porcupine cheese?" [A devilish smile crosses her face] "Or...how about PEOPLE CHEESE???"

Based on the look on my grandmother's face, I'm honestly surprised she didn't faint and/or send us home.

My sister was probably around 17 when this happened, by the way, not, you know, 8, like it sounds.
posted by naoko at 10:19 PM on January 17, 2011 [6 favorites]


A friend works with some people who use tiny helicopters to harvest whale snot as it's blown from the blowholes (you know, for science). I bet you could use tiny underwater robots to dart in and steal some whale milk.
posted by hattifattener at 10:21 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


As thick as whale milk is, it's practically already strained yogurt.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:24 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm sure metafilter has come up with a cooked semen post in the past as well.

"Cooking with cum" it was.

I'm not googling it, though. Old search terms have a terrible habit of showing up at the worst possible times.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:38 PM on January 17, 2011


How do these things happen? Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease!? My mom died of CJD (a one in 2 mill. chance of infection according to the docs, and we still have no idea where she contracted it) in 1990, before we ever heard of "Mad-Cow Disease," and here you guys are, on my post about "cheese," bringing it up. (You can't get CJD by eating cheese, except maybe head-cheese that includes the spinal or brain material of an already infected animal - likely a sheep). I say again, How do these things happen?

It's abstract to most people. But a permanently a really fucking sensitive subject to anyone who's been close to someone who contracted CJD. (I'd say "died of CJD," but duh.) In my case it was my neighbor, who was like an uncle to me. No idea if it was the rare, possibly genetic? version or vCJD for him, either. /solidarity.
posted by desuetude at 10:49 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Seal milk is something like 40% solid fat content.

I'd try seal cheese, no problem.
posted by bardic at 10:59 PM on January 17, 2011


I would bet you money, bardic, that seal cheese tastes like fish. (I would also take your word for it even if it meant losing the bet.)

Actually, I would pay to watch a human milk a seal.
posted by gingerest at 11:14 PM on January 17, 2011 [1 favorite]


Human breast milk doesn't curdle with anything except rennet and even then very slowly - trust me I have tried to make breast milk cheese.

It ain't so easy and it's hard to get in large amounts to make good cheese with.

I don't even want to know how to harvest human rennet.
posted by AndrewKemendo at 11:39 PM on January 17, 2011 [2 favorites]


It ain't so easy and it's hard to get in large amounts to make good cheese with.

Have you tried cutting it with seal?
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:17 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: "trust me I have tried to make breast milk cheese"
posted by bardic at 12:20 AM on January 18, 2011 [4 favorites]


AndrewKemendo, I mean no offense, but you justs became the last person on earth I'd ask the waiter "Bring me what he's having."
posted by Ghidorah at 1:10 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


My friend's grandfather actually died of CJD. They had no idea where it was contracted, but loosely guessed that it was when he had eaten some venison in France during the war. Now I'm reading about prion diseases like fatal familial insomnia, and want to thank all of you for that little bit of terror.
posted by disillusioned at 2:48 AM on January 18, 2011


Soylent Cheese.
posted by gene_machine at 2:53 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Many years ago, an exGF of mine took me to visit one of her friends. This friend had recently had a child and I had never met her. She sounded like a nice person though so I had no problem with going to visit her.

After the introductions the two ladies excused themselves to the kitchen for a private chat. I sat in the living room doing whatever it is we do when we are abandoned in the homes of strangers by new girlfriends. After a short while they returned.

They were both grinning and the new mom had a glass in her hand which she handed to me. It was warm and a strange color closest to white, but not quite. I took it from her and asked what it was.

This was something I'd been dreaming of for quite some time, years in fact, but had never known how to ask. I'd mentioned it once in passing to Miss GF and I could not believe she had set up this level of wish fulfillment.

I never saw the young mother again, but I will love the now ex-Miss GF forever.
posted by artof.mulata at 2:54 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


I once tried serving human cheese on a plate with crackers, but thankfully a sustainability expert at my cocktail party pointed out that's racist, and so I had the servants and sous chef fired.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:57 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I wonder if anyone has tried using the protein from breast milk to make plastic? If you could come up with a recipe for a fairly long-lasting bioplastic, you could make a nice (if arguably creepy) pendant or something as an extra souvenir of each new birth.

I encountered someone (in the BoingBoing comments, I think) who wanted to make a pendant for his wife out of plastic formed from his semen. I did the calculations for him and worked out that he'd need upwards of a pint... never heard back from him whether he tried for it. Or what his wife's reaction to that gift would actually have been.
posted by metaBugs at 3:08 AM on January 18, 2011


I just want to thank this thread for making me seriously ponder how one might milk a pig or a seal.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:24 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


That article is useless without any mention of how the cheese tastes.

It tastes like chicken.







Probably.
posted by chavenet at 3:25 AM on January 18, 2011


I hate to be the one to bring up another Wisconsinite who experimented with human flesh as food , but I will anyway: Ed Gein
posted by Xurando at 4:09 AM on January 18, 2011


tl;dr
"Wisconsin cheddar" is an oxymoron.
posted by Goofyy at 4:42 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I had a big old glug of some breast milk that I'd expressed for my son, just out of curiousity, and I thought it was vile. Not because of the taboo, but because it tasted disgusting. I would never eat human milk-based cheese (or indeed any other human cheese *smegma joke*) but then I think camembert and brie is horrible also so my taste would be considered questionable by some anyway.
posted by h00py at 5:24 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


middleclasstool wrote "I'm wondering how many fathers with wives who breastfed are going to have the balls in this thread to own up to having a taste."

Well, I tried it. Sweeter than cow milk. Consistency similar to watered-down skim. For the record, my wife tried it too. We figured that was OK, as it was pretty much the same as pouring the leftover milk back in the bottle, so to speak.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:38 AM on January 18, 2011


I never knew the etymology of "galaxy" before this moment.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:41 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


Relatedly: Piers Anthony's short story "In the Barn" from Dangerous Visions.
posted by aught at 6:46 AM on January 18, 2011


Thin and sweet is how I recall it as well. Not bad, but not something I'd drink every day.

artof.mulata a real friend would have offered you a shot straight from the tap.
posted by Splunge at 6:55 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


There's other stuff in there that makes it all happen. Gross stuff. Stuff like rennet, which is the juice of a dead animal's stomach.

Not necessarily. Cheese can be made with microbial enzymes or vegetable proteins in place of rennet. Cabot Cooperative cheese, widely available in the Northeast, does not use rennet, makes many varieties of cheddar and other cheeses, tastes great, and is no more expensive than the big company cheeses. (Not affiliated, just a happy consumer.) Plus they are a farmer co-op and underwrite local public radio stations.
posted by aught at 6:57 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


Most of the cheeses that Tilamook (one of the best mass produced cheeses, imo) are not made with rennet. There are lots of brands that also do not use rennet. If you want to sell to consumers who want kosher or halal cheese then you have to use the vegetable based microbial enzymes (or else certify that the rennet was from properly slaughtered animals).
posted by Burhanistan at 7:08 AM on January 18, 2011


The parmesan and asiago at Whole Foods are vegetarian, using a non-animal rennet substitute. Still tastes good in pesto.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:17 AM on January 18, 2011


I WANT BITTY!
posted by emelenjr at 7:20 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


Along with a like-minded group, I accumulated an enormous store of human toenail clippings in the Eighties and Nineties, with the eventual aim of making human's-foot jelly (gelatin is made from cow hooves). At some point our revulsion overcame our curiosity.
posted by proscriptus at 7:47 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


> Along with a like-minded group, I accumulated an enormous store of human toenail clippings

The question is were they only your clippings or did you obtain the clippings of other humans?
posted by Burhanistan at 7:48 AM on January 18, 2011


I could barely breastfeed my baby without being grossed out by the concept. But this? Yea I wretched.
posted by stormpooper at 7:53 AM on January 18, 2011


From the author's self-description on her website:

I'm a social alchemist...

And then I stopped reading. This boring stunt is even boringer second time around.
posted by nanojath at 8:04 AM on January 18, 2011


Well, putrefaction is the first step in alchemy.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:06 AM on January 18, 2011


Marisa Stole the Precious Thing - "...seriously ponder how one might milk a pig or a seal..."

Well, according to Terry Pratchett's (presumably well-researched) Nation, one can only milk pigs by mouth.

But, we have technological ways of doing it now (hell, there're mechanical pig semen extractors [youtube]).
posted by porpoise at 8:08 AM on January 18, 2011


"I'm wondering how many fathers with wives who breastfed are going to have the balls in this thread to own up to having a taste."

My mother-in-law 'fessed up to trying a taste from the baby's bottle when she was sitting one day. I'm not surprised that she tried it. I was just surprised that she told me.
posted by SLC Mom at 8:34 AM on January 18, 2011


Well, according to Terry Pratchett's (presumably well-researched) Nation, one can only milk pigs by mouth.

...

See, now I know why people have been recommending Pratchett to me.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:22 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Breastmilk tastes sweet. If your (properly handled) breast milk tastes or smells bad, it probably contains a high amount of lipase, an enzyme that breaks down the fats in the milk. Details at kellymom. It's still safe for the baby, but it can be stomach turning for adults.

It's fairly common for moms to make breastmilk yogurt for their babies, although
I hear it can be tricky.
posted by bq at 9:38 AM on January 18, 2011


I'm a mom, I tried it out of curiosity. Sweet, but not as creamy as I expected. Not unpleasant. Don't get all the dramatic revulsion. Its designed for humans!
So to summarize the overwhelming MeFi reaction:
Drinking milk from a human who chooses to produce milk of her own volition, the milk is designed for huymans, the milk producer has good quality of life in a clean environment with ample species-appropriate food - Ewww gross OMG Barf?
Drinking milk from a cow that has no choice about its milk production, has its baby forcibly taken away before weaning in order to use the milk for other purposes, the milk is designed for baby cows not humans, the cow lives crammed in a barn and tramples in cow shit all day, is fed corn (a non-species appropriate food), and has to be given antibiotics to remain healthy because her body isn't designed to handle corn - Yum?

I'm not vegetarian or vegan, I love eating meat and cheese, but I'm at least aware of my hypocrisy. As long as I thought the woman in question was disease-free, sure I'd try it.
posted by Joh at 9:46 AM on January 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


"We're a bit short on a few supplies."
"Like what?"
"Cow's milk. Ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated."
"What kind of milk are we using now?"
"Emergency back-up supply. We're on the dog's milk."
"Dog's milk?"
"Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk."
"Why?"
"No bugger'll drink it."
posted by ODiV at 10:59 AM on January 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


splunge, it wasn't her tap.

also... warm, sweet, and vegan.
posted by artof.mulata at 3:30 PM on January 18, 2011


How do these things happen? Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease!? My mom died of CJD (a one in 2 mill. chance of infection according to the docs, and we still have no idea where she contracted it) in 1990, before we ever heard of "Mad-Cow Disease," and here you guys are, on my post about "cheese," bringing it up.
...
It's abstract to most people. But a permanently a really fucking sensitive subject to anyone who's been close to someone who contracted CJD.

I mentioned CJD because someone higher in the thread asked what the closest human equivalent to mad cow was and I wanted to provide them with information; my comment was not intended to imply that one could contract it from human milk or for comedy or for any other such purpose.
posted by Jpfed at 9:10 AM on January 20, 2011


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